The Luke and Pete Show - 20 Years Ago, That's a South Park Episode

Episode Date: August 19, 2021

Alright, listen up. Today's Luke and Pete Show contains prosperity gospel preachers, the moustached pillow guy that loves Donald Trump, heavy metal, one of our listeners filming himself in an amazon store, and another one of our listeners getting bitten on the foreskin and scrotum by one of God's creatures (probably unrelated to the preacher we mentioned earlier).I honestly don't know how you can listen to this show, a show that is completely free, and not be astonished by the amount of content we pack in. In fact, it's not just content, it's amazing value. Thanks for listening!To get in touch: [e-mail]  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the Luke and Pete show it's Thursday that means battery brands that means boys, bums and everything bells Pete Donaldson and Luke Merle with you I hope you're keeping well

Luke's back from his wee break his wee absence what did you bring back for me? what did you get at New York airport or wherever you changed I didn't go

I never ever go to LaGuardia you got a LaGuardia I got a Boston mate Boston Boston Logan ah lovely

use your blinker yeah I went to Boston Logan I didn't bring anything back for you I don't think I did did you bring anything back for anyone actually

actually having said that because I went to the garage this morning to buy some engine coolant and I picked up some Space Raiders. Yeah, you ate a packet of them for breakfast and they said you felt sick. You will not learn your lesson.

Mine were knick-knacks. Mine were nice and spicy knick-knacks. Fine. Well, actually, they're ribbon saucy. Ribbon saucy, sorry. And those who listen to this show regularly will know that Pete Donaldson is regularly ill because of his poor breakfast choices.

Sometimes it's a leftover Chinese. Yes. Sometimes it's massive bags of crisps. Massive, massive bags of crisps. Massive it was. The great LC, who we mentioned on Monday, he keeps bees. Did you bring me a bee back? One second. Big bag of bees.

Oh, he's allergic to bees. He's allergic to bees. Excuse me. The bees. No, he brought back some honey. Oh, that's cool. Do you want a little pot of honey? I'll give you a pot. I'm all right.

I mean, I don't eat a lot of honey. I wouldn't want to waste it, that's all. Larry would love you to have it. All right, then. I'll bring you a little pot. I'll bring it in. I'm back in on Friday. Back in tomorrow, so I'll bring it in tomorrow.

I just got a whiff of bad smell from your direction. Did you sneeze out of fart? I think it might be the fact that I sneezed and I also ate quite a lot of garlic last night. Oh, Lukey. So when I know I've got to come into the studio, I normally don't have it.

No, I don't normally have it the night before, but I've got some ribbon saucy, mate. That's what I thought when I saw you eat those. I was like, yes, it's not just me.

Last night I got in a bit of a tizz because I didn't have anything for dinner. So I managed to rustle up a spaghetti bolognese. Yeah. And I used a lot of garlic because we didn't have any for dinner. Right. So I managed to rustle up a spaghetti bolognese. Yeah. And I used a lot of garlic because we didn't have any tomato puree. Right. And it's come back to bite me. I did buy tuna on the way in.

So it was just white sauce. Because I had tomatoes. Yeah. So what's tomato puree? Does tomato puree have garlic in it? No, it really ramps up the tomato flavour. I didn't want it to be flavourless because my wife will judge my poor cooking

because she's brilliant at cooking. Yeah. Anyway, the point is I don't normally have garlic not before I because my wife will judge my poor cooking because she's brilliant at cooking. Anyway, the point is I don't normally have garlic nut before I come into the studio. I did last night. I apologise for that. I did get chewing gum on the way in. I thought it would break it down. It hasn't. Well, the difference between me and my partner is that she will cook like a pasta bake or something

or anything with potatoes and it'll be bloody lovely. And I will spend hours trying to perfect or just make a food that tastes nice and it is just flavourless. Absolutely flavourless. And I can't blame it on COVID anymore

because it doesn't have it anymore. So what do you think you're doing wrong when it comes to cooking? Talk a bit through your process and I might be able to help you. I just don't season enough as I'm cooking.

Yeah, season's massive. Don't season enough as I'm cooking and I... Your taste? No, I never taste it. I just sort of, yeah, I'm an idiot, really. Like, I don't know why I don't do that.

I have a little spoon. Seasoning can make a big difference. Yeah. I just sort of go, it's all right. I'll add Tabasco cheese at the end, and it'll be tasting the summer. Yeah, that's fine. That works for all Mexican food, in my experience.

Yeah. Speaking of, one thing that's interesting, and I said to you guys on Monday that I was away in the experience. Speaking of, one thing that's interesting, I know I said to you guys on Monday that I was away in the US. So the US are terrible at Indian food, right? Yes. The curries are poor there.

But their worst Mexican is better than our best Mexican. It's better now, yeah. Fucking Taco Bell is better than our Mexican here. Yeah, it is. I don't know why Taco Bell isn't everywhere in London.

There's a couple in Russell Square area. I find that odd as well. Because it's a unique food. You can't get it anywhere else. Why have they not bothered? Maybe the costs are too high. What, for a bit of mince in a hard shell?

Oh, sell it to me. I'll be in charge of the marketing. Wait, Tabasco. A bit of cheese. A bit of Tabasco and cheese. Speaking of fast food, didn't you have a story to tell me about a chicken nugget? Oh, yes.

You said to me you had a story to tell me about a chicken nugget? Oh, yes. You said to me you had a story to tell me about a chicken nugget. Well, it turns out that a little while ago, a few weeks ago, BTS, you know,

the Bangtan Boys or whatever, the Korean pop group. They're massive, right? Massive. If you're under the age of 20, they're the biggest pop group in the world.

Biggest pop group in the world. Although earlier on when I mentioned BTS, you said it's all about Blackpink now. Yeah, because they've got a promo going on on PUBG at the moment. Oh, yes it's all about Blackpink now yeah because they've got a promo going

on on PUBG at the moment oh yes they have Blackpink and Son that's how I know about them I literally never

heard of them before that yeah I had a little Google did you well I feel like I have to qualify it because you mentioned

it I don't want people to think that I'm just perving after I had a little Google did we £100,000 slash dollar in this new story on the Rolling I don't want people to think that I'm just perving after... Add a little Google, did we? A £100,000 slash dollar in this new story on the Rolling Stone.

Just say dollars. People know what dollars are. Chicken McNugget has triggered a child sex trafficking conspiracy theory. Yeah. It's fine to talk about child sex trafficking because in this particular sphere, it's not actually happening because it's been dreamed up by QAnoners, effectively. So I think we're fine to talk about that. Do you know what I'm thinking?

Whenever this stuff happens, and it's about QAnon, I'm always thinking, just give me a load of products and an hour. What do you mean? I will sell everything to them. They will believe anything. I'll be rich. Yes. I would grab this coffee cup and say that that's got some kind of magical power.

Yeah. And I would say that I read about it on a forum. Yeah. And I would wear a nice suit, probably wouldn't even need to. Yeah. I'd wave an American flag and I would be rich.

That cup was made in a facility that was joined onto a government facility that actually had an anti-venom sort of thing. It's not an inoculation per se, but it basically defeats COVID just by owning it. And some of the fluid, some of the curing fluid from the cup manufacturing facility next door, got on that cup. And if you take that you and your family

thanks to pheromones will be protected from COVID slash the apocalypse that wouldn't work there's one thing you've said that you shouldn't have said

why? they don't believe in COVID fuck that's why I'm not a special hoodwinker like Luke Moore will deter paedophiles

yes yeah paedophiles it's like the jam thing where it's like they give paedophiles give off paedophiles it's like the jam thing where it's like they give paedophiles give off a certain pheromone

and they're frightened of the Luke Moore cup from the Luke and Peter don't involve me in this it's got Luke written on the side

for crying out loud anyway yeah so BTS the K-pop superstar group they in some kind of

partnership with McDonald's and they released a limited edition promo meal that consisted of cork fries, a sweet chilli and Cajun dipping sauce, which they don't normally do, and 10 chicken nuggets. Chicken nuggets.

It sold out. So people, knowing full well that the Bangtan Boys were very popular online, started selling the things on eBay, basically. And all of these kind of stories got chucked around by loads of news sources. And then one person who, basically, it's TikTok, I'm queuing on a crazy person.

She posted a video accusing all of these eBay sellers selling these BTS chicken nuggets of basically human trafficking. It's a leap. It's such a big leap. It's confusing. I don't know where it comes from, but they made that leap. And someone's selling a rare nugget for $14,000. She thinks that that's fishy and it must be cored for child trafficking.

And the thing about that is she is someone who should be looked at. Because if that's the first place her mind is going, it's like the QAnon thing. I don't think, I'm going to take this,

I'm going to say this kind of under caution because it needs to be seen contextually. If it's just people on the internet on a forum talking about shit right who gives a shit

right the point is it isn't we've seen with the guy that terrible thing that happened down in Plymouth we've seen how it

crosses over to real life we've seen how it ends up with the storming of the capital building because they believe this stuff not terrorists yeah exactly

I feel pretty fucking terrorised if I was in that fucking place and also Pete the modern sorry the old traditional media has got no way of dealing with this. They don't possess the language or the experience or the skills to deal with this.

No, because they just don't know what's online. They just don't know. They've got Facebook and they've got Twitter and everything else might as well be absolute nonsense. But with QAnon, for example, it's that classic example of that phrase people say, when you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail, right? Yeah.

You're so far down the rabbit hole you see it everywhere and that's just the latest example of it and if you're someone who's projecting that onto something like that I mean it's fucking McDonald's for goodness sake you're the most corporate company

in the world probably and you're projecting that instantly that's where your mind goes it's a sickness man it's a sickness It's unhelpful as well for McDonald's you would imagine

Yeah I mean they're not going to be happy about it No I mean We did an ad promo for them wine goes it's a sickness man it's a sickness it's unhelpful as well for McDonald's you would imagine yeah I mean they're not going to be happy about it no I mean we did an ad promo for them with the old Big Spicy

the McSpicy I bought one off the clock I bought one off the dollar I was like I just bloody love this this is how they get you can I that's a great story

can I give you a tangential one just to raise the comedy a little bit yeah okay because I was thinking earlier how much child sex accused child sex trafficking is in this story give you a tangential one just to raise the um raise the comedy a little bit yeah okay um because i was thinking earlier how much child sex accused child sex trafficking is in the story nothing to do with that oh what nothing to do with that come here for but you know when i saw you this morning

i thought that your hair now you look a bit like a prosperity gospel preacher okay yeah you know the prosperity gospel give me money yeah yeah yeah so one of the most famous um and certainly the most mental prosperity gospel preachers is a guy called Kenneth Copeland yes okay and when Covid came along he got right on the case and started shouting and screaming in his

$5,000 suit that everyone should send him money for Covid and the rest of it he's the one with that super church that didn't let anyone in during the big chill, the big freeze he's done some awful, awful things, but unwittingly, he's also contributed to one of the best YouTube

videos I've seen for a while. And it's his preaching against COVID set to heavy metal. It works astonishingly well. Listen to this. In the name of Jesus. Oh, thank you.

Standing in the office of the prophet of God. I execute judgment on you. Oh, lovely. It's good, right? That's fantastic, that. That is fantastic. How good is that? Share that on your social media. It's very, that. That is fantastic. How good is that? Share that on your social medias.

Very, very good. I mean, it brings something, a bit of lightheartedness to something that is objectively absolutely terrifying. Yes. How anyone can see that man and go, well, he needs some of my money. I would want to know where his face was going after this,

to be honest. It's a bit like the end of Beetlejuice where he pulls his face out. He looks a bit like the MyPillow guy. You know, the MyPillow guy, friend of Trump sort of thing. He's gone off on one. The fake tan, the confidence, the expensive stuff, the pillows. What is it about the modern world that makes a man

who ostensibly is just a pillow manufacturer one of the foremost harbingers of the end of democracy I don't know I just yeah because it sounds

quite podcast advert-y doesn't it my pillow I'm surprised we haven't hawked it 20 years ago that's a South Park episode tell me I'm wrong

yeah yeah yeah no true it probably is it sounded like a six year deal or something South Park what my pillow it's just weird

it's just weird because like when you used to for those who are old enough to know, when you used to watch South Park back in the day, you know, you'd have a smoke or you'd go to the pub, you'd come home,

it'd be on late on Channel 4 and you'd watch it and you'd be like, oh, that's funny. All that stuff's now true. Yeah. If I said to you, did you see what Al Gore was doing the other day?

He was running around looking for a fictional animal that he'd heard on the internet was real. I mean, it wouldn't be that much of a stretch. just wouldn't the super skunk yeah there was also a brilliant absolutely brilliant photo the other day that someone had posted online of they'd obviously surreptitiously taken it and it was from donald trump's golf club all right it was the over 65s medal match or something yeah and they had all the scores Donald Trump

won but he's a non-cheater isn't he massive Kim Jong Il vibes massive vibes the sort of thing that people would

piss out of Kim Jong Il for oh what a surprise Donald Trump who apparently is the world's shittest golfer and he's been confirmed

to be cheating against kids and stuff there's videos of him kicking the ball and stuff, isn't there? They're widely available. Amazing. Yeah. I think that's his worst thing he's done.

I think it is, too, to be honest. Cheating at golf. It's the thin end of a big wedge, I would say. Yeah, exactly. All right, Pete, what else is going on? Well, I don't know, to be honest. I mean, what have we got? We've gone through the child sex trafficking McNugget situation.

Last week we talked a lot about ultra marathons but one thing actually didn't really count as a email so much as an experience we need to be experiencing.

Jonathan got in touch and we talked about KFC the KFC hotel with Mark a couple of weeks ago. Yeah that's right.

And we basically spoke about how well air disgusting it looked because you just get grease everywhere. It'd be horrible. I think KFC get a bit

of a bad rap though. What do you mean? I don't know. I think people hate on them a bit. Oh no, I eat KFC all the time. Do you? I'm a hot wings guy.

In your top three British fast foods, you're giving it a one. KFC's the best, yeah. For me, it's McDonald's, KFC, then Burger King.

There's not enough Burger Kings around to be quite frank. Mate, I went to a Burger King at a service station a few weeks ago it was fucking awful

hey you know what's good they're vegetarian meat not there for that I've got no problem with vegetarian meat but I'm not going to a fast food restaurant

I'm not there for that well on the recent subject of themed hotels and with a throwback to past discussions of situational beers Jonathan passed over the website,

Brewdog, the much maligned company, let's not get into that now, but they made a doghouse hotel in Manchester. Like, you'd be naughty and you'd be throwing the doghouse to the hotel room you're staying in. Just loads of opportunities to drink full-strength beer. So in the shower, there's a shower beer. There's a little fridge where you can have

your shower beers people listen to this show love a shower beer they do yeah yeah and the thing that made me laugh was on the website itself brewdog.com forward slash you know

Manchester Hotel whatever there's just loads of like seemingly sort of aspirational pictures of this hotel you know nicely done out

and stuff beautifully put together that's the best it's ever going to look like that's the best it's ever going to look like that's the best it's going to look because it'll be sick everywhere but like the sort of people

for bants would stay in this sort of thing but so they've got like a little fridge in the in the shower there's a woman there in a

well first of all there's going to be no women there no no and the place would smell of farts and it just made me laugh

that there's just two women in there stocking feet, in robes, BrewDog sponsored robes, and they're just having full pints of beer. In bed. Where are the neckbeards?

Exactly. That's not their thing. Yeah, and the neckbeards, so there's a dog that, I don't know whether they even allow dogs, but there's like a little sort of pump tap thing.

But this one made me laugh the most. There's a woman, good looking woman in a tight kind of business way, you would say. And she's doing a spreadsheet. It looks like it's during the day, but she's got a big pint of lager

in her hotel room. I don't think that's as aspirational as you think. I don't think that's like, like, yeah. I mean, she just needs a big beer to do a spreadsheet.

Change the tab on that screen in that picture, and that goes from being a business scene to the world's most depressing photo. What do you mean? On her computer in the photo. Yes. If that wasn't a spreadsheet, if that was just... Someone's Facebook.

Reddit. Reddit. That's the world's most depressing promo photo. Photoshuttle Ramble. And when people say to me, when people say to me, what's the Luke's most depressing promo photo photo slash football ramble and when some when people say to me when people say to me what's the Luke and Pete show about I often just say

it's not really about anything you just get in the studio just chat for a while like Seinfeld mate just as popular not as many awards I now more and more

am starting to think this is a podcast that is chronicling the end of the world yeah because if anything everything's getting worse. But we're like cheerleading it though, aren't we?

We're not disgusted by it. We're not repulsed by it. We're gazing right in the abyss and the abyss is looking right back at us and giving us a wink. Absolutely. A bit of Nietzsche there, Pete. Very nice. I don't, I'm not saying it's a bad thing or a good thing.

I'm just saying that it's one of the weird paradoxes of modern life that every, so on all the measures that, you measures that the World Health Organization or whatever, or the UN use for quality of life in the world. Generally speaking, I'm not saying there's not pockets of poverty and that people are in terrible situations.

Of course they are. There's civil wars and all the rest of it. But broadly speaking, everything's getting better. So life expectancy, infant mortality rate, disease, everything's getting better.

Yet the human willingness to believe that everything's getting worse is so overpowering because of things like that. What, a woman drinking? Brew dog got a hotel. You could tell me all you like about infant mortality rates. Who's doing the pillows?

Sub-Saharan Africa. But on the other hand, there's a fucking brew dog hotel that no one asked for or needed. Yeah. So you tell me what's getting better. Yeah. I'm a beer 52, man.

Anyway. I'm a McSpicy man. I'm a McSp, man. Anyway. I'm a McSpicy man. I'm a McSpicy boy. Have a break. Let's have a break. And we'll come back and we'll do, I think our good friend Patrick, listener Patrick,

has sent us a video about when he went into an Amazon store. Yes. We've got to listen. We've got to look at that. So we'll do it after this break. See you in a minute. It's the Luke and Pete show Thursday edition part two

Patrick Loftus has done us a solid yeah aforementioned you feel free to tweet us anything anything amusing that you are enjoying

yeah just check over I think what Patrick's done is he sent us a video of him going to that Amazon store with no checkout people

and how weird it was yeah and I love that because Patrick is someone whose name I recognise on the old social medias he listens to the show

we think of our listeners as friends it's just you and us here you and me AP it's just two of us we're Bill Withers mate we are just the two of us but our listeners

are our friends and we don't want you to not get in touch because you think oh I haven't got anything interesting or whatever we'll be the judge of that just send it in baby

send it in but before we go to Patrick I just want to do a couple of quick things around the battery brands. We actually only had one. So what's happening is now, because we're doing it a lot more formally,

people are thinking, oh, I've only got that one and that's already been done. We only had one make it through this week. A lot of people sent them in, but we only had one make it through. Oh, can I get a call on last week's show where I did a rechargeable battery?

Is that allowed? It's allowed. You don't see many of them these days. Well, it's a rechargeable battery with just, each one's got like's allowed. You don't see many of them these days. Well, it's a rechargeable battery with just, each one's got like a USB. You flip it open, USB key,

bang, right in the charger. It unsettles me to hear it because I've never seen one and I couldn't really picture it. I was very excited and that is going to

revolutionise how I recharge batteries. Forgetting that I don't really ever recharge batteries. No one does. Unless you're in prison. Put them on the radiator, mate. Ben Trassler.

Hello to you, Ben. He sent him, Pete, some Burstow batteries. Bur one does. Unless you're in prison. Put them on the radiator, mate. Ben Trassler. Hello to you, Ben. He sent him, Pete, some Burstow batteries. Burstow. Now, I reckon that's a winner. B-U-R-S-T-O. I was convinced it was. B-U-R-S-T-O.

Burstow. What, did you do a search? I haven't. I want you to do it. Okay. I'm not logged into that. There we go. You fucking idiot.

You fucking idiot. Right, there we go. Burstow. Yeah, because the into that there we go you fucking idiot right there we go Burstor yeah because the the login password is

borderline offensive do you want me to check I'm looking Ben Ben Trasler yeah is he the person that got in touch

with that one yeah okay well Ben it is a new new president of the game we don't get many these days because we've been going on for so long.

So well done to you, Ben. Burstow. I think it's kind of like, it's harder to become a legendary player in football. And Ben's kind of, because there's just so much competition these days. I agree. I totally agree.

So three great examples of listeners doing the right thing here. Ben sending in a new battery brand. Patrick went to the Amazon store. Good on him. Are we going to play a bit of that in a minute? Here he is. Before we do that,

very quickly, Alex Coleman's also done us a solid. He's doing God's work. Sent in a picture of a Stingpunk store. Said, I bet Pete likes this shop. Lol. Photo of a load of goggles.

I'm here for it. I hope there's no tells. I'm going to steal all that stuff and throw it into the gutter. There's your fucking clocks. You wouldn't know because you wouldn't want to make a scene. I wouldn't want to make a scene.

I'll go, how much does that clock work out? And do you know what the guy would say? Well, it depends what era you're in. I've just time travelled here. At the weekend, I went down to Leon C's Getting Better By The Week

yard sale slash, what do you call it? Not bringing by sale. This is the fucking garage sale. Oh, car boot sale. Car boot sale. And I bought like a 1950s action man, completely Billy Bollocks on a stand.

And I was like, oh, is that because he looked weird. It looked like a sort of half gorilla, half man sort of thing. And I was like, what the fuck is that? I want that.

Anyway, it's 20 pounds and I can't budge on that. I was like, all right, look, you've clearly not met me, mate. I'm having it. He's 50. I'm having it And I was like, what the fuck is that? I want that. And he went, it's 20 pounds and I can't budge on that. I was like, all right, look, you've clearly not met me, mate. I'm having it.

He's 50. I'm having it. He's like, oh, you're not taking him, are you? He's been with me from the very beginning.

And he was going, don't fucking sell it to me then. You had the choice. Did you pay for it? I bought it. I paid for it, fucked off with it. And he was like,

oh, mate, oh, I'm going to miss him. Did I make up once that you bought a load of wrestling figures and you couldn't carry them all home,

so you buried them somewhere? I put them in a hedge, yeah. I've told that story a few times, no one believes me. It's unbecoming for a 39-year-old man. What's so good about the action man, that you paid 20 quid for him? Just brown and gorillery. Just kind of like, he looked kind of like...

It sounds quite problematic. No, it just looked like a half-man, half-gorilla sort of thing. Is it limited edition? No, it's just naked, sounds quite problematic no it's just kind of it just looked like a half man half gorilla sort of thing is it limited a dish no it's just naked and I just think it's become like kind of weather beaten

a little bit and it just looks like it's broken a bit but that's not a reason to pay more for it it is both those things had a reason to pay less for it

it is it was like a weird sort of like yeah describe the man who sold it it was the exact man that I had in my hands.

It was the exact Did you definitely buy the right man? It was a one to four ratio of him. He moves a lot more than I thought.

And he's bigger. He said it's bendable it's poseable but I cannot recommend enough not bending it because it might snap.

He didn't want to sell it did he? He didn't want to sell it. He just really didn't want me to touch it. But he said, you'll probably get five quid for the stand. It's a proper 1950s toy stand. I was like, who am I going to sell that to?

I'm going to be back there in a few weeks' time trying to sell it back on. I think I'll speak on behalf of everyone listening here. This is not a normal afternoon. No. What are you going to do with it? But the thing is, I'd ordered some food around the corner. And I was like, yeah, of course it's going to go in my part of the house, isn't it?

The garage? The garage, yeah. You ordered some food around the corner? Yeah, and I was kind of waiting for that. I was got 10 minutes and I was like, I could probably squeeze in. I was there for half an hour in the old garage sales. What a life. What a life.

Patrick Loftus, we've given him a big build up. Yeah. He's gone to the Amazon store. For those who don't remember, that's the new shop with no checkout. It just monitors what you're doing. He's currently sort of walking around the store. You typically know when you've picked something up, but it also figures out when you've put it back.

It's just cameras. There's no kind of real... American 7-Eleven here. It's just like a 7-Eleven, he says. Is that beer? No. Bit of the bubbly. Bit of the bubbly.

Bit of the bubbly. He's a bit conspiracy theory, him. Not Patrick. No. Is Patrick allowed to be filming? Is Patrick allowed to be filming? Yeah. What do you mean?

In the shop. He's not filming anyone in particular. He's just filming the shop. But there's a part of the shop that has booze, but it's all been locked up, so... So there are barriers, Amazon. Bezos. That's Bezos' booze.

Yeah, so he's got a little bit of the bubbly in his hand. And then he just walks out like it's a train station. He walks out like it's nothing. Flips the bird. See you later, he says. It would feel like you're nicking something yeah I'd feel so naughty

I'd have an erection magically knows what I bought magically knows what you bought would you get aroused by that yeah it would feel proper naughty a lot of the reason I reckon a lot of the reason

teenage boys nick stuff yeah it's just for the thrill right oh to be naughty I have found that I have not purchased something

that needed purchasing at the checkout of like Wix. That was a very Dick Cheney way of saying you stole something. I was crime adjacent. Mine was the hand

that had the finger which pulled the trigger and fired the gun. Exactly. Yeah, no, it was It was exciting when you found that out. It was just a roll of tape

and I didn't rise in the bottom. It was underneath a load of the stuff. I was paying like 200 quid for tat. So, you know, they got their pound of flesh. But I got just a roll of tape and I didn't rise in the bottom. It was underneath a load of... I was paying like 200 quid for tat. So, you know, they got their pound of flesh. But I got out and I was like,

I'm not going back to admit my crime. One of my mates at school got busted for stealing blank tapes from Woolworths. Too blocky. Too big and blocky. At one point once, I'm not going to name her

because it wouldn't be fair. We were doing shopping. It's not the wife I currently have access to and she had left a lot of magazines on the top rack of the trolley and forgotten and walked through

no one noticed we got to the car and it was like fuck that's the only thing I can think of so I have been I have genuinely been crime adjacent

you were literally involved I wasn't you were part of the hustle no none of us knew it was a mistake. It was an accident. Anyway, have we got time for an email?

Yeah, stick it in me. All right, I'll do it for you. What about here then? Oh yeah, so this is fascinating. Let me find it.

So, this is an email from, let me find it. Jesus, I'm so slow today. This is an email from Pi,, I'm so slow today. This is an email from Pi, right? If this was me, you'd be going, I do all the admin.

I'm the best. And then you'd be doing this, doing the flexing. It would start with you saying, what's that thing you do where you type something? Email. Yeah, email. And what's that guy... Anyway, so...

I'm still good enough. I get all my words. I'm a bit of that. This is an email from a man called Pi. I don't think it's a real name. He says, Hi, Phil. There's my tad slowing coming to the mosquito bite party.

But here we go. We talked about mosquito bites a while back. We have to catch up on our emails because there's so many of them. And we do thank you for it. Pi says, I left the UK 20 or so years ago. Prior to that,

I enjoyed sitting outside with my friends many times. The following day, they would complain about having been aggressively bitten by mosquitoes. Me? Nothing. Not a nibble.

Upon arrival in Australia 20 odd years ago, that all changed. Obviously, my wonderfully rich English blood is a rarer commodity over here. I've been subjected to the mosquito munch frenzy

on a regular basis. The lowest point... The lowest point of being physically abused by Australian mosquitoes was after a hot night sleeping with no covers on. In the morning it became clear that we had shared the bedroom with a mosquito.

Because I had been bitten on both my scrotum and my foreskin. The following day at work I needed to take more bathroom breaks due to the need to scratch the hell out of my genital area. Thanks for the pod. Enjoy the chat. All the best.

Pie exiled in Melbourne. Pete, that would be terrible, wouldn't it? I would not like that to be on my scrotum. Out of all of the things I'd want on my scrotum, that would be very much not be it. What else wouldn't you like on there? Marmite. Your step, not stepdad,

your father-in-law's honey it would attract it would attract great honey it's great honey it's not for the testicles the ants in Connecticut are massive yeah

absolutely fucking massive I saw one I saw one when I was there the other day crawling along the arm of my garden chair and I was like

I was fucking shocked what the fuck was that oh dear well look if you have got you can fuck off with that and share. And I was like, I was fucking shocked. What the fuck was that? Oh dear. Well, look, if you have got... You just put it in the wrong order, you dickhead,

trying to put me on. Right, we're leaving. If you're doing that, we're going. That's it. That's it for another week of the Luke and Pete show.

Thank you very much for listening. Enjoy my scrotum. Email in hello at lukeandpeteshow.com. Be our friend. Get in touch. We are also at Luke and Pete show

on Twitter and Instagram we've bloody loved talking to you today as we always do we'll be back on Monday Pete don't go crashing your car between now and then

because we need you gotta drive back two hours it's difficult to find a replacement last minute and yeah we'll see you then anything to add Peter? Goodbye Tom Goodbye, Tom.

The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network.