The Luke and Pete Show - A Bath Full Of Aggressive Polish Beer

Episode Date: January 25, 2021

On today’s episode, Luke and Pete reminisce about some sexy dragon porn before Pete gives us a taste of his boozy bath-time habits. Elsewhere, Dr Luke provides the perfect cure to a migraine. We also hear some Pete Donaldson Traffic Tales involving scooters, bullies and McDonald's hash browns. Don’t miss out!Get involved with behind the scenes Luke and Pete content over on Instagram and Twitter, by following us at @lukeandpeteshow! Or email us over at [e-mail] with any juicy stories you'd like to share.Oh, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. 5 stars will do. Compliment Pete's hair or something. Cheers! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

it's the show that brought you unbelievable dragon cartoon pornography it's the luke and peter i'm pete donaldson i'm joined by luke mill and it is a monday we're recording slightly later in the day so these shows from now on until maybe easter the shows will be coming out a little bit later in the day am i right luke am i right in that one yeah? Yeah. We'll never be broken or defeated by this pandemic. We will sometimes be forced to make slight admin changes as a result of it. And dear producer and editor Natalie doesn't get to do this edit until quite late on on the Monday now. So it's going to be a little bit later.

But think of it as a beautiful Monday evening treat. What I would do, if I of it as a beautiful monday evening treat what i would do if i were you as a listener and what i know pete donaldson does is hit 7 p.m run yourself a bath put a lot of candles around put the best of it i was gonna say put the best of anya on the uh on the on the boom box uh get 14 cans of tisky and fill the bath up and enjoy with the tisky just just drink it and maybe watch a bit of monday night football while enya's blaring out was there not a um was there not a missive from one of our listeners back in the day i might have made this up but where you could i feel like it might have been in poland or the czech republic

or somewhere in eastern europe where you could have an actual full-on bath in beer yeah that rings a bell yeah it was very wasteful i remember rightly no no it would give me a terrible infection i think down down south which i don't need and i don't need to explain that no i don't know why have you got that infection i'd i had a bath in a lot of very aggressive Polish lager. More likely than you seducing another member of the opposite sex, though, to be fair. True, true. Yeah, that's definitely true. I've yet to visit the STD clinic because I've touched a lady or a man.

It's more stuff I've just put down there. And it all comes under the same umbrella, which is what they use to check on it. It's like a little cocktail umbrella. It's the same thing. It's like a little cocktail umbrella. Yeah, you same thing. It's like a little cocktail umbrella. Yeah, you can choose your colour. Listen, listen, you might be in your 20s

and you may think that you've got your whole world in front of you, but when you change partners, you need to be having a little check-check and it's an important thing to do. How would you check, Pete? You can be silly about it. What? How would you check? I send pictures of my Engorge member to celebrities

and ask them to see. Not just celebrities. Not just celebrities. Not just celebrities. Some of them are barely cam girls. Anyway, didn't come here to talk about this. Phil, it's not what we are about. What are we about? It's exactly what we're about.

We're about the Luke and the Pete. What's Luke been up to this week? What's Pete been up to this week? Luke i cannot have uh uh not noticed or mentioned on the show uh the fact that it is now very snowy right now where i am i mean it is it is insane out here it was a yeah it was a veritable blizzard yesterday and um luckily the day before my good partner uh my good partner my good lady partner um my one careful lady partner took me out in the car that I bought so I could have a little drive around a theatre car park. I saw the video and it was absolutely terrifying.

I never want to see it again. It's like one of those videos, do you remember when the internet was a bit like the Wild West and all of a sudden you click on something and there would be like an awful video of a a person falling off a cliff or something yeah just something terrible that had happened it was like that but it was you behind the wheel of a car and you can't properly see the maniacal look in your face at the time but i knew it was there well i i i edited out the bit at the start where i said i'm in my mom's vroom, vroom, because my hair was looking particularly poor this day and I didn't want you to get distracted.

It was like a really shit version of Grand Theft Auto. It was like a really great version of Fast and the Furious 7, Tokyo Drift, thank you very much. A good time was had by all, apart from the gearbox that did at one point say that it was overheating. I like to buy things that are broken out of the box, mate. I feel sorry for you. I think all of of us the assembled throng of listeners and me feel sorry for the scooter we hardly knew ye well i i to be honest i tried to get the scooter out yesterday in the

snow and i was doing big old donuts in the garden because i just wouldn't get on the hill um so i had to put that away so i'm waiting for the snow to leave us what what type of life do you think our listeners think you have it's it's mike carroll the uh lottery it's a man who could barely live within his own means you've got the gold chain around your neck with a pair of boxing gloves on it you've got the sovereign ring on your finger and you're donut and a chinese scooter around your own garden of your place out in the countryside i think it's chilling i think the dogs you have access to find it chilling and i think our listeners find it chilling the dogs i have access to will not stop being sick. I mean, I don't know what they've been eating.

Has this only happened since you moved in? Have they alerted to you in the most cruel plot twist in history? Yeah, they just keep vomiting. Like every morning there's just new vomit to pick up. It's like the video game Theme Park, but with dogs. Oh, I remember that. It's like the video game Theme Park, but with dogs. Oh, I remember that.

You put too much salt on the fries in Sim Theme Park, or whatever it's called, because you want the people to buy more drinks and they end up just puking everywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you just need people to clear up in the park and stuff. It's fascinating. Oh, Luca, you like a video game. Get involved with Hitman 3, mate. Get involved, mate mate i haven't seen

the first two i'll be confused it's pretty simple is it isn't it man you can play it on your switch as well which is uh it's like a streaming version of it you know how to talk sexy to me there you go is it good on the switch though is the iteration good i believe the uh yeah i believe it is i mean so all of the processing happens in a server somewhere but luckily it's one of those games where it doesn't require kind of necessarily quick reactions you can just kind of like skulk around it is astonishingly good it's your little old man alfred his fingers i still haven't found anyone on them on i still haven't found anyone in our listenership that's found me some copper for no man's sky that's what my love affair with gaming finished so i always play um and regular listeners to the ramble will know that

i often reference the guy the man big pav who you know yes yeah yeah he's he's occasionally my fifa playing partner uh fifa 21 yeah so we sometimes play um fifa 3-1 together that's the only gaming i really do these days to be honest so i So I'll be interested in Hitman 3. I'm looking for something to fill the breath of the wild shape hole in my soul. And I need to fill the weekends these days, particularly as I saw someone so aptly describe weekends under lockdown as the two-day lunch break, which is basically what it feels like right it's barely even that to be honest i'm i'm working on a project at the moment where

i've got to get a lot of like release forms and permission slips basically uh back from i've heard about this and and and it's just like and it's just a constant stream it's like trying to organize a school trip but with a lot of old people. It's impossible. No one can find the form that I've sent. People are getting confused. I'm having to forward it on through obscure email addresses that I never knew existed.

It's just, oh, mate. I mean, how many email addresses have you had in your life? How many email addresses? I've had three major ones, I'd say. Apart from my work ones, I've had three major ones. You've got a couple of burners, surely, for all those websites. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah.

I've got loads of burners, mate. I've got coming out the wazoo, mate. Yeah, very, very easily. You've got a burner account for the wrestling figures you collect off eBay. No, they're all on my – if you can find my record on eBay, you'll find a long and disgusting little tale, I tell you. Pete, so on Friday, and before anyone asks, now this wasn't exacerbated by the fact that I had to work with Kate Mason,

I had a migraine on Friday. Oh, right. I've never heard – I didn't think you were of the migraine people. I didn't realize you were migraineable. We are a broad church. We are a very broad church. I do occasionally get migraines every six to nine months, and I picked one up on Friday.

It's only really today that I've started to feel normal again. And they manifest themselves in such weird different way i don't know if anyone listening or everyone listening kind of knows about migraines particularly if i don't suffer from them but some of the symptoms are absolutely obscene like they are but it's basically peter condition that would in every other circumstance, be cause for some alarm, yet all you've got to do is just go to bed, and when you wake up, it's normally okay again. It's weird, isn't it?

It's crazy. So the one I had on Friday, I'm not exaggerating, if I touched the left-hand side of my face, it was like unbearably painful, right? So I could only sleep it off on one side of my face right is that definitely a migraine is that definitely a migraine i spoke to my mate uh duncan about it he says to me oh yeah i get migraines every six months i go completely blind it's like in any other yeah you're right. In this context, that is hostile. People get lights, things floating in front of their eyes.

It's astonishing. I had one about nine months ago, no joke, right, where it came on and it made, one of the symptoms I got was I had to eat an entire packet of biscuits. Do you want me to put Brown with some paramol? I swear by paramol. It is just chordine and paracetamol, but my God, they're good for a hangover. You shouldn't be taking them very often.

I'd love to smash five of them, I'll be honest. Oh, mate, have a couple of them and you'll sleep for about three days. Fantastic. I have to probably put some kind of disclaimer in here because some of the listeners might get offended. I'm not saying please don't overdose on paramol. No. Don't even dose. don't even do this

to me i don't even know yeah yeah don't fuck recording guys it's addictive so so in summary i've only just started to feel better again today really which is no good i mean i went out yesterday for a quick walk in the snow um because mimi's obviously of new england extraction so she misses the slam out i bet she was loving it but the thing is she's derisory about our snow, Pete, and it grates. It grates. We should be proud of that two inches out there. Dirty old dog poop snow, yellow snow. Dirty old sludge within five seconds.

Yeah, I mean, to be fair, though, everyone's on the stack thread, everyone's pathetic little sprinkling they were getting excited about and making a little snowman of. Oh, you weren't saying that on the thread. You were really encouraging. Pathetic. sprinkling they were getting excited about and making a little um snowman off oh you weren't saying that you were really encouraging pathetic i'm surprised uh our friend john managed to do a full snowman it just didn't seem like there was enough snow kicking around but over here oh mate up to my knees i was up to my knees really no no no bollocks oh you know stevie from from jack's show jack's happiness You see his snowman? No.

He did a proper, lifelike, really good Olaf from Frozen. Oh, amazing. It's really good. He's very talented, Stevie. I would recommend it. I'd very, very much recommend it. You're like Jack and I'm like Stevie. I'm the talented one.

Where's that come from? I don't know. That doesn't make any sense because Jack's genuinely popular. I know. Yeah, but you get all applauded. I'm like the talented one, yeah? I can make all that, but it's not. I was frozen.

Right. I don't know what you call them, but they're not applauded. And can I also please just say that now that Vish has stolen my bad guy of the ramble moniker, I'm having a bit of an existential crisis over here. Oh, no. You've got nothing. I don't really know where I am with it, to be honest.

Were you going to say something? I was just going to bring it very, very quickly. Saturday, I'm up early, relatively early, after drinking a bottle of carver the night before and a bottle of sake. Yeah, standard. I'm going down to McDonald's because I'm getting sausage and egg

muffins and a load of food. How near down to McDonald's because I'm getting sausage and egg McMuffins and a load of food. How near is the McDonald's to you, mate? Oh, there is a close one that's about a 10-minute scooter away. And then when the road is closed, like what it was on Saturday, I went in a Hemel Hempstead. How did you get there? Scooted it. Scoot, scooted it. In the snow? You're a madman. Noed it um in the snow you're a mad man

no it was before the world's shittest version of mad max it was before the snow i'd managed to beat the snow unfortunately um but it was very very cold um so i'm down there i'm getting my sausage egg mcmuffins from the drive-thru i'm getting my coffee my toffee lattes right and uh i've been burned before i've brought a flask so i fill up the toffee lattes, right? And I've been burned before. I've brought a flask. So I fill up the toffee lattes into the flask. Oh, very good. Siphon them in. Pro, what a pro.

And I put them into the seat, put the food in the seat. And these two lads, what is the van that you have? It's like a white van, but it's like just a bit bigger than a car. Do you know what I mean? Like a little kind of like transit-y van, but like small. Like a little Astrovan. Yeah, a little Astrovan. This man is just in front of me

I'm not blocking him out he's just come out of the drive-thru I tell you what I've waited almost 20 years for Pete Dolls and Traffic Tales I'm going to enjoy this

I mean is this what happens on the road is this what happens in Hamilton's Hempstead if anyone lives in Hamilton's Hempstead let me know 50

he must be in his 50s and he was clearly like maybe a laborer or something, maybe just, you know, just an odd job man or something. And he had a mate in the car as well. You know, you know,

like a laborer's mate always looks a bit ratty. Was it Ronnie Pickering? Well, it's the sort of thing that Ronnie Pickering gets up to. That's all I'm saying. Yeah. He starts like pointing at me, this grown man pointing at me going, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah like pointing at me, this grown man,

pointing at me going, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, like that. Like really scowling and laughing, ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah. And then I'm like, I look behind me

because I'm like, and I look ridiculous. Look, I look ridiculous. They haven't seen me yet. They haven't seen me yet because I have my big helmet on. They had the windows rolled up. That's why I couldn't figure it out.

Really pointing at me. And I looked around to sort of see if they were pointing at anyone else. They weren't pointing at anyone else. And when I turned back around, his little ratty mate was like giving me two fingers. And his mate was going, ah. And then they just kind of like revved the engine, made their tires sort of squeal, and made a load of smoke, and then just shot past Halfords. And they were just gone.

I think this is the middle scene in the film Grease, isn't it? I was having a proper breakdown. I was like, what was that about? Did they, what? I look ridiculous. The helmet's way too big for me. I look like a Mekon, but that's all I had. They didn't see me fucking blonde hair.

That looks like Donald Trump at the moment. I like the idea that you've assumed that they must be right. And now you're trying to work out what's wrong with you. They're probably just twats. Yeah. But that's the thing though, isn't it? That's the difference between people who are scared of the world and people who aren't.

Yeah. I'm scared of the world. people who aren't yeah i'm scared of the world so i just look at it and go that what have i done what do i look like what have i done what do they think i am and i'm just going through i'm on their side but i'm just saying i think you should probably you're probably overthinking it i had a um i had a uh mcdonald's as well um a few days ago just before the actually might have been what brought the migraine on thinking about it um but i went for the i went for the katsu nuggets oh hello oh have you seen that they they brought out katsu nuggets are they just chicken nuggets with katsu curry dip or is the katsu curry dip within no it's there's no so there's no katsu dip. It's a sweet curry dip as per normal,

but the coating on the nuggets is slightly katsu in nature. So it's almost like what's happened is the guy who develops that part of the badans menu, I think at one point went to a Wagamama. Went to a pass one. We should do this. We should do this. And just did it. Lovely.

I'll have to try that next time I go around on my scoots. Yeah, you should. What's your standard? I mean, if you're going into Hemel Hempstead on a good half an hour at least round trip, what's the order you're going for? I mean, I'll level with you. Who's that goalkeeper I like who does YouTube? Oh, Ben Foster.

Ben Foster. I do enjoy his YouTube. Oh, Ben Foster. Ben Foster. I do enjoy his YouTube. Yeah. And he, right next to Watford's training ground, there is a McDonald's and he says he drives past it every day and he just goes, like, why is that there? You know what I mean? I've never once gone in, but I've always wanted to go in.

And, you know, when you get older and stuff, like, you know, one sausage and egg McMuffin is a real pain but he did suggest getting a sausage and egg McMuffin and then putting Jesus a mushroom and then uh putting a hash brown in between it and then putting like tomato sauce on it stuff and I was like that's a great idea that is what influenced me to go to McDonald's so I'd like to thank Ben Foster, the goalkeeper. Great. Take the inspiration from where you can, mate. That's what I said.

Yeah, and so I was just bashing back sausage and egg and muffins with nearly two hash browns. Very nice. Are you vaping? I've got to hear someone vaping there. Who's vaping on the call? No, it's not me vaping. No, it's not me. No, it's not Patricia Natalie either.

No, she's muted. No, I wasn't vaping, mate. I think if I was going to start vaping, No, it's not me. No, it's not Patricia Natalie either. No, she's muted. No, I wasn't vaping, mate. I think if I was going to start vaping, I'd tell you about it. And last time we went to a vape shop together, you left because you got embarrassed at me asking questions. You were just wasting people's time. No, they've got no one else to talk to. There's no customers.

Well, let them just be them. Let them learn a language or something. I don't know. You pop in, have a chat about vapes, and you have no intention of buying any vapes. It's a tough sales job be them. Let them learn a language or something. I don't know. You pop in, have a chat about vapes, and you have no intention of buying any vapes. It's a tough sales job for them. I'll admit that. But look, they're working on a vape shop in Northampton.

They want to chat to someone. Look, we're going to have a quick break, but before we do, I've got a bit of admin to do. So our email address is hello at lukeandpeachow.com. Some people who have emailed that very same email address are going to have some of their emails read out the other side of this break that's coming up. At Luke and Pete Show on Twitter.

Do get in touch on there. And we're also now on Instagram, exactly the same address, at Luke and Pete Show. Lots of extra bits on there, lots of behind-the-scenes things, lots of things we haven't had time to get to on this show, which is basically unplanned twice a week. So do follow that as well on instagram at luke and pete show it's all tied together just the other side of this break we'll

do a bit more uh chat and we're also going to do some emails so we'll see you in a minute see ya this week at sakanov on wrestle me this week we talked about the worst way to accept a hall of fame award they were just trying to, you suck at it. You suck and then he pours milk over his head. What is this? Pouring milk over yourself is absolutely something that, if you did it once in any scenario, people would never forget it. We were just having Christmas dinner and he just poured two litres of milk over himself.

Or if you're more in the mood for some awkward anecdotes, Alex shared his experience with the cast of Event Horizon on this week's Clash of the Titles. We meet Smitty, played by Sean Pertwee, a man who I bumped into in a bar having never interviewed and literally chewed his ear off, trapped him in a corner of a booth where he couldn't actually stand up and get away from me

and talk to him incessantly about this film. Later on in the night, his wife said to me, Sean's outside if you want to carry on talking to him about Event Horizon. All that and more at Stakhanov. We're back with Luca Pizzio. We're going to take a short break there because my dogs started barking.

As long as they don't start barking sick, I don't mind. Do not mind. The Amazon man turned up. I don't know what's been bought. I don't know what's been purchased. I can't remember buying anything. The last thing I bought was a little card you put on the side of my Tassimo coffee machine to allow me to descale it. My Tassimo coffee machine, for some reason,

would not let me descale it properly without this little green card that sits in the belly of the machine, and it's got a barcode on it, a very specific barcode that only allows that very specific card to work in the machine. It is – it's not designed obsolescence, is it? It's something like – It's a cabal. – fucking me off for no reason machine. Yeah, I think that's a fairly accurate way of is it it's something like it's a cabal fucking me off for no reason

yeah machine yeah i think that's fairly that's a fairly accurate way of putting it isn't it yeah someone from amazon's turning up to my house every day at the moment every day oh it's a relentless isn't it relentless if it's not a wire it's a fire i try it around that doesn't work let's be honest pete with you it's always a wire it's always a wire so at lukeandpetecher.com is the email address to get in touch. We've got a load of really good ones again. It's no coincidence to me that as soon as producer Nat's attached to the project, things start going through the roof. So regardless, we're the beneficiaries of this, us and the listeners,

because we get to hear about all these amazing stories. I would like to start with the extension of something we talked about a couple of weeks ago, which is the lost, the dying art, if you like, of the great childhood lie. Okay? Lovely. You know, I tell you what, if Reply All over at Gimlet do an episode on the great childhood lie, oh, it's award-winning.

We always do stuff like this. And this is a fantastic example of one from Connor Christie, and I'm going to tell you about it right now. On the recent talk about kids telling lies at school, says Connor, I have a good one for you. Me and my friends have always remembered it, and we still laugh about it to this day. There's this lad from school, and we're all about 10,

and everyone's getting a few minutes to tell the class what they got up to over the summer holidays. So he stands up in front of the class, talking absolute nonsense, as usual. And then he reveals that he climbed up to his bedroom window over the summer break, put on his parachute, leapt out, and glided all the way to the shops a few miles away. Mm, indeed, yeah, yeah.

I mean, how on earth he thought he would get away with that one? You can't pull the wool over our eyes. I have so many questions. Maybe the Ministry of Defence should get in touch with him to learn about this incredible feat, the pinnacle of human achievement. I can't remember whether either I read that email before or you read that email on the show, but I remember thinking for some reason that I thought Either I read that email before or you read that email on the show,

but I remember thinking for some reason that I thought that you said that you'd floated to the shops. Exciting. No, I wish I had. Exciting. I mean, the only thing I would say to Connor is that, I mean, possibly if this lad lived on the 35th floor of a tower block, it is feasible. It is feasible.

If he lived on the big tower in Dubai. Those towers are meant to move in the wind, aren't they? Yeah, yeah. Most skyscrapers are nowadays, aren't they? Because they've got weird counterweights in the bottom. I just don't know how. I still don't know how that works i i went to the kobe earthquake museum uh and and and saw all of these plans for these um skyscrapers and how they're built these days but it just seems very weird it just seems very odd that you are that you've got some kind

of counterweight that allows you to uh to movement of an earthquake. It's just confusing. Don't they have some kind of like quite futuristic like insulation in the foundations? Yeah, so it's like a counterweight, I think. It's a mixture of like maybe springs and shock absorbers and also counterweights. So it kind of when the top of the building goes right, the counterweight would go left, I think.

Either way, it would encourage it to jiggle, jiggle in the right way, but not the wrong way. That's what we all want. We want it to jiggle in the right way. There's a brilliant scene in the autobiography of Slash, the guitar player from Guns N' Roses. Have you read it? Yeah.

No, no. He's obviously living in LA, which gets a fair amount of earthquakes. And they're always brought up and told that if they're indoors and there's an earthquake, you need to go and stand in the doorway. Yeah. And so Slash does that. But obviously because he's Slash, I think he's got about 15 pet snakes. And the tanks all get smashed and they all just sliver off. He's trying to get them all back.

I think people probably just think that he's on drugs again or something, where he's walking around asking everyone to see his snakes and stuff. Because there is genuinely one scene where he throws himself through a plate glass window because he thinks he's being chased by these little demons. It's an amazing book. And by the way, good on Slash. It's about fucking three. And by the way, good on Slash. It's about fucking three inches thick.

It's not scrimped on it. It's just endless stories about the stupid shit he's done. It's really, really very good. Very good. There's an amazing scene as well on YouTube, and I'll get Nat to share it on the old Insta. I might have told you about it before, Pete, but it's live footage of a Guns N' Roses show

where Axl's doing this big build-up to the start of Welcome to the Jungle. And you know, he starts going, do you know where you are? You're in the jungle, baby. You know, Axl's really over the top. He's doing this big, like, dramatic, theatrical, extended intro into Welcome to the Jungle. And then that iconic riff riff supposed to come in. Ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding, ding-a-ding-a-ding-a-ding,

that one, right? But Slash is so pissed, right? He's got a tiny pair of shorts on and nothing else and a top hat, obviously, right? He's facing the wrong way and he cannot play a single thing. So you just hear these weird echoes of out-of-tune guitars. It's amazing. Anyway, Slash's autobiography is well worth a read.

It just seems like the history of rock and roll is just write a decent album every two years and the world will indulge you. You can do what you want. This is the thing, Pete, right? I cannot fathom, and I'll bring the listeners in on this if they want to read mine and give me their theories. Guns N' Roses also, but particularly Metallica, right? Metallica are so inebriated for the first five years

of their entire existence, right? They're nicknamed on the scene Alcoholica, right? Several of them have to go away and get rehab and dry out and sort their addiction problems out and it doesn't make any sense because if you go and watch there's plenty of videos on youtube of them in like 1983 playing the most technically quick amazing music and it sounds fucking incredible and they're all totally pissed all the time it doesn't make any sense have you tried to play the guitar when you when you're pissed i can't fucking do it i can't do it sober terrible i can i can remember having

a house party once and playing um trying to there was someone playing guitar and me trying to play it and just it was just embarrassing someone just taking it off me but then a lot of people would say that when i was sober to be fair so it's. We got a message from Dave. I'm going to remove Dave's second name because I'm a nice guy. Hello, TheLonelyPete. Your school disco chat reminded me of my own experiences years ago as I went to an all-boys school.

Time with girls was pretty much non-existent in my earlier years. The school discos from year nine onwards gave us all a unique opportunity to meet and mingle with this mysterious fair of sex who went to the all-girls school up the road i mean why do they plan it like this this is insanity don't keep them apart and then like a big fucking wall of death at a metallica concert um my my second memory was of our time in sixth form when the boys and girls sixth formers

joined forces to host these discos as fundraisers for World Challenge and other extracurricular activities, etc. As theoretically all-powerful sixth formers, we chaperoned the younger pupils, managed the tuck shop, and kept an eye out for rule breakers. On one night, we thought we'd hit the authoritarian jackpot when we heard the Year 11s were snorting some dubious substances in our sixth form common room, aka the Disco's VIP suite. VIP suite.

How do you even do that at school? Oh, God. God knows. Ready to march this irritating bunch of the teachers, aka the real chaperones, the real law. We simply found out they were snorting mega rainbow dust sweets. You know, those long, thin sticks of sherbet you find in sweet shops. Snorting it.

That's pretty full on. Just absolutely bashing it up the snozzle. dust sweets you know those long thin sticks of sherbet you yeah in their sweet shops absolutely bashing it up the up the snozzle um yeah if i've no idea if any of them snorted anything stronger but one is now a tory mp so the chances are high all the best and then he sends me an email uh a couple of days later or yeah a little a little later on um yeah can you uh please uh send some ice on him that is very very high risk when you know pete donaldson's reading it i mean not even a couple of days i know right i mean he is very much relying on the google mail system to make sure that i know that there's a new addition to that particular email thread awful decision from from d Dave. No, but a very good story. And I don't know why, I can remember people getting the old

Sherbert dib-dab, and that's not a euphemism for drugs. I mean, the actual Sherbert dib-dab, and giving it a good old snort up the hooter. I don't really know why. You just see it on the telly, don't you? You watch a bit of Scarface, want to slice the action we also got weirdly speaking of redacted emails we got an email that was sent the whole thing was just redacted mark emailed us i'm not going to say any more than that but it was about something and something we discussed before and then yeah

top the email end the email um do not read out my email. P.S., you two are in desperate need of a U.S. correspondent, and I would feel honored to fill the role. Well, look, not if you're going to redact the emails, Mark. I can't. It's just unworkable. It's the shittest audition ever. This system is unworkable, mate.

It was a very interesting email. Very, very interesting indeed. But we just can't discuss it. Maybe in 60 years' time, all of our files will be redacted like the Roswell files and we'll be fine. It's kind of like going to a job interview and then saying, have you done all that work that you're supposed to prepare for the interview?

Yeah. Can I see it? No. I still really want the job. It's like when – I can't remember which actor's getting interviewed for The Office and he's going, yeah, I've got a two-point plan how you you know how the company could revolutionize it and he goes we'll come here he goes i'm not giving it away yeah it must be quite interesting i see if you are a high functioning um hire uh for something like i like

a high up high high up higher and they want to know the sort of things that you would enact and the ideas that you've got but you don't want to just give them ideas because because companies can be unscrupulous i wonder if you reckon about that an example of that would be when you um interview for a job as a music um pr and they set you a task like i don't know right in the press release for a new album that's coming out which you then send in to them. They thank you very much for it, tell you that you're not going to get the job, but because you also run your own club night, you received a self-same press release that you wrote in your inbox

a couple of days later. Is that what happened to you? Which is something that literally happened to me in the past. It's kind of probably similar to that mine uh i did something similar where i um where i auditioned for a very cheap you know not not worth much cash uh vo voiceover and uh they just used the audio and didn't give me the job or the money yes that is outrageous that's amazing i should what i should do is record it in the shower and go if you want the real version you're on the uncensored version like pete like this is a very this is a very this is a very esoteric joke but like you should do it but in the middle of it just go

pond five speaking of vos though charlie's been in touch um and this is a really good email he says hi guys not charlie from mr carloff i want you pete can you do a voiceover for a promo please no not charlie from mr garth no charlie from who actually signs his email Not Charlie from Stakhanov. Pete, can you do a voiceover for the promo, please? No, not Charlie from Stakhanov, no. Charlie from, who actually signs his email off, and we'll squeeze this one in before we go. Charlie not from Carlisle, as he calls himself. He says, hi, guys.

Following Pete sharing his unsuccessful boarding Carlisle raised in the Royal Navy story, I thought I'd pass on that I was, in fact, the voice of that advert. That's what I'm talking about. What are the chances of that person listening or being aware of it, of the show? Amazing. Well, based on our listenership, very, very low. The actor in it was deemed to have too much of a high-pitched voice,

so a better-suited Carlisle accent was apparently required. Then Charlie goes on to say, I'm from Peckham. And as you can tell by the advert i'm not particularly good at a carl accent i actually put forward a friend who is from carlisle but he was rejected too i don't think they really knew what they were after so much so a usually one hour voiceover gig took two days of recording as no one was happy with it or the pathetic accent i was attempting but i still got the job many thanks charlie Charlie. Not from Carlisle. You know what? I feel better now. I just feel better about things.

Because it's normally Finchie that gets you a job. Well, it's just fun that it's – I'm just happy that it was a torrid job that took a long time, and it wasn't actually someone from the area who got it in the first place. Look, that's cheering me right up, that has. But, Pete, give me – so for people listening actually someone from the area who got it in the first place. You know, that's cheered me right up, that has. But, Pete, give me – so for people listening who are from the south of the country, much the same as me, like if someone said to you, yeah, we want you to do this voiceover, Pete,

but you need to do a Carlisle accent, could you do it? I think I could because they just sound like us. They just sound like me. Give me a sentence in Hartlepudlpool and give me a sentence in Carlisle. Good evening, I'm from Hartlepool. Good evening, I'm from Carlisle. It's the same thing. It's exactly the same.

We're going to get some very irate emailers from the beautiful town and city of Carlisle if we're not careful. I've got a mate from Carlisle called Jonathan Fax. You've met him. You play football with him. And he is from Carlisle and he've got a mate from Carlisle called Jonathan Fax. You've met him. You play football with him. And he is from Carlisle and he sounds just like me. So there you go. I do know Jonathan and I like him, but I've never heard him speak.

He's very quiet. He's quite quiet. Yeah, he's a quiet boy. Quiet boy. Anyway, speaking of quiet boys, it's about time we were quiet, Peter. Do you want to take us out of here? Well, let's get out of here.

This has been the end and the middle and the start of the look at pete show hope you've enjoyed it we'll be back on thursday for more of this if you want to get to the show as always it's hello at look at pete show.com you can find us on twitter look at pete show and you can also find us on instagram as well with all kinds of shade quite frankly uh instagram.com forward slash look at pete show if you get involved in the url business just type it in the search bar. Follow us. Check out what Natalie and Luke and me have put up. Peter, a lot of people would have just turned off

when they heard us doing the outro, so why don't you give someone a little Easter egg now for those who've stuck around? Okay. Hello, I am from Bradford. Hello, I am from Filey. Do your Cockney accent. Goiley. Do your Cockney accent. Go on, do your Cockney accent.

I came here for a shitwad. We'll see you on Thursday. Ta-ta. This was a Stakhanov production and part of the ACAST Creative Network.