The Luke and Pete Show - A brief heads up would’ve been fun

Episode Date: September 21, 2026

Because Ed Sheeran’s got no moral backbone and all the supporting artists have sacked his tour off, we’re here with unsolicited and unhelpful advice for the big man. No problem mate, always here to help.Plus: the lunch strategies of middle aged working men, some deserved Pete praise that leaves him very uncomfortable and one of the most haphazard limo journeys we’ve ever heard.Send us your latest stories, questions and comments here: [e-mail] Luke and Pete Show is the sometimes ridiculous, always funny podcast with Luke Moore and Pete Donaldson: two men who have time on their hands and a good idea of how to waste it. Subscribe to get your comedy podcast fix every Monday and Thursday. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm going to I've got $50 in my pocket singing a bit of Maclemore there to start your Leucumpteure sticks in you read that song doesn't it? It's awful, awful, son terrible. Marcus didn't Michaelmore.

Yeah, he called him Maclemore. Maclemore, like New Tridiga. Yeah, nice. So me and Jim did the piss out of him saying that did you think he was French? Like his name was Macal Lemmoor. Maclemore. Glamour.

Yeah. Good stuff. Marcus took it well. Did he say it well? Yeah, he's fine. He was fine with him. Probably fine. By the way, I was going to say something to you.

Oh, yeah, that whole thing's an interesting story, isn't it? Yeah, it is. It's as funny as it can be in the circumstance, I think. It's good, isn't it? It's good in the way that Sheeran's getting his fucking kicking. So for those who haven't seen it, Maclemore made some pro-Palestine statements. A considerable amount of them for two nights on a gig that he supported Ed Shearren in.

Is that right? Am I right to say that yet? So Ed Sheeran's people binned him. Ed Sheeran has made it clear that it was his touring. The company he's employed by, which is the wonderful get back. I know, I know. Like if he wanted it. Look, I would have more.

respect for him if he had said that is my view and I've decided to do this and hid behind some bollocks because we, look, not at that stage not at that level but we've been in situations where we're touring and we're doing live shows. There's absolutely no way on earth we would do something we didn't want to

do and people and then say oh yeah no it wasn't up to us. It is up to us it is. I've been in that position it is up to us. Everything that's been on that stage is your position. Exactly. And I was genuinely shocked. Then the rest of his supporting artists quit didn't they? in protest. Even funnier.

Even funnier. He's probably sitting in his dress for God, I've got to four hours now. I can't run that song. He's probably got the songs to back him up to, you know. Yeah, it's, uh, I think you kind of,

I think he tried to have it the Michael Jordan way. He tried to have it the, I'm trying to think of other, you know, rock stars who have been in the same situation. He's tried to have it both ways. He's tried to radio ahead it.

He's tried to, um, both sides it. And, um, it's, it's just not. flying and it couldn't happen to a more David artist. It's funny, isn't it how because a lot of talk about how he's playing, this is in the US and he's playing like some Robert

Kraft owned stadiums and Robert Kraft's got these links to Israel and I don't know if that's conspiracy around not. I don't know too much about it but what's fascinating to me is that oh we're all about freedom of speech until we're not, aren't we? As far as I know, he's not like inciting people to riot

no, he's just exercised and kill children please. Yeah, exactly. And I also think that my position on Ed Shearin is probably different to a lot of people who are very snobby about him in my view and very dismissible of him. And I think he's broadly, as an artist, broadly fine. It's not my kind of music. I've never knowingly purchased or listened to a product.

But he's come up the hard way. He's worked hard. If he listened to his story, his interview with Lewis, who is really interesting about how he came up and how he did what he did. He's actually done a very good job, right? He's earned his right to be there. But that is just fucking tepid bullshit. Like that is, like, you know, you've got an opportunity there to say, we are artists, right?

We are able to express ourselves. No one's asking for anything deeply problematic as far as I've seen. He's a long-standing friend as well. He's entitled to his opinion and he's my friend. Do I agree with him? Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter, actually, because he's entitled to his view. let's get on with a quiz.

Let's just get on with the quiz. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's just do it. People are here to have a nice time, and he's fucked it so badly that is other supporting artists who, by the way, credit to them, that would be the biggest fucking shows

of their lives by miles probably. But then it becomes toxic. I don't know, man. I think the eyes and ears of a touring, like how many people are you realistically going to reach that really give a shit about you? that's going to turn up on time to watch, you know,

the third, in the first act of a three, it can still be transformable. It can be transformative. It can be. But not, I think, on the ground, you know, records, I mean, not even sort of record streamed, I suppose. So I think it became a very easy decision to make. No, but I think we can, at least,

surely we can at least agree that if you are one of the opening acts or a supporting artist for a stadium tour for Ed Shearer in the US, that is a big break for you. We can't dismiss the decision they've made out of principle, which I think is admirable, regardless of whether I agree with them or not. I think it's admirable, but I think it's probably easier than, because the whole thing just becomes toxic. And I don't know how, I don't know who is, who is advising engineering?

Like, he's a rich guy and he's, you know, he's up there with, you know, your Taylor Swift level kind of performers with the amount of money sort of trussing. And that's precisely why he's doing, he's just thought that this is the right decision. But if I was going to talk myself into a position where I was like, How can I see his side of it? It might be that, for all we know, the pressure he's received internally from promoter, stadium owner, whatever,

saying that we're going to pull the plug on your US tour. Well, there you go. All right, we'll pull the plug and then do you want your stadium filled? Do you want half a million quid every night? How much will they be in that? How much will he be in the hole for that stadium hire and all that kind of stuff to feed? But if they're not going to take it,

If they're going to ban them, presumably the contract's torn up. It's the decision of the stadium owners, presumably. I don't know. I mean, obviously it's all about the contracts and how that would work. Presumably the stadium owner just sort of says, well, this contract is not an avoidant avenue. See you later. There'll be a massive sunken cost, but he's Ed Shearing. It's probably, it's unfortunate. Thanks, matey McElmore that you've sort of, you know, done that.

But, you know, it's just a bizarre decision for me. And you say, you know, you can say that hands are tied. Their hands are only tied because of financial considerations really. I think the other thing that plays into this is that what Ed Shearing has done in the past and what he continues to do as far as I know is he occupies this quote unquote apolitical position which means that he never comes down on one side

or the other on anything really. And I get that to an extent but I think there is a time with that crosses over into almost complicity you know and that decision wasn't made for him but he has to make a decision

and he I wonder how it'll play out by the time it comes out we'd be a few days later but I feel like it might I don't know I think he might he might have to make a stronger statement

against more criminal Benjamin that's the only way I can see that sort of panning out really because he very much both sides it, which seemed demented with it. He's always both. I'm not defending that,

but he has always kind of done that. And I think, but it's funny because I was obviously because of the nature of my ego, I always trying to apply myself to these positions. I think, oh, what would I do? And I think the fact that I would say

to everyone to fuck off is exactly why I've not been that successful to be in that position in the first place. So I've got the emotional capacity for it. I'm too emotionally led. But I think if I got that position, I think I'll be like fuck you

I'm maturing I do what I fucking want Yeah You know But then that might be that attitude that never gets you What do you mean fuck you Fuck you guys in fuck you Like fuck you Macamore

He's saying on It's tough fucking shit Yeah yeah I'll probably say to him I'll talk to him I'll say to him Yeah I'll say look can you stop Can you can you can we compromise

On something or whatever And then Maccimore says no I'm fine It's fine It's like I do with you With your antics With Little Luke And all the rest of them

Exactly even told about it until I'm on the show and I just have to deal with it. Well, do you understand why you weren't told about it? Well, in a way. But I feel like, you know, you know, I could have heads up would have been fun.

I might, I might, I might have been able to. The game, the only thing that annoying me about that thing is that I performed, Little Luke performed so poorly on the show. Like, I'm, Little Luke. I think he was somewhat distracted. I think we all, I think we all see a little bit of ourselves in Little Luke,

and I see a little bit of my seven little Luke, and I was a little bit annoyed. Far too much than I care to admit. And I was a little bit annoyed that that was, that Little Luke performed so, and I would have been annoyed if I was Little Luke that he tanked it so hard. Well, he's up against a good player.

He's up against Big Luke. I mean, it's not easy. He's up against Big Luke, exactly. Not easy for anyone against Big Luke, unless their name's Vish. No. I'm going to do, I think I'm going to go and get a tortilla burrito after that, this is for me.

Where's that come from? I just thinking about it. He's had an idea. Love it. But I usually have ideas of like, I'm going to have a big wagamamas. But you can't have a big wama-mama-as at... Wagamma.

Stupid name. Wagamama is at 12 o'clock in the afternoon, can you? I thought you like Japanese things. Is Wagamama Japanese? I don't think it is, is it? It doesn't sound like it. What is it then? It sounds like a stupid sort of,

like sort of English, sort of Japanese sort of translation of something. He calls itself a pan-Asian cuisine. Yeah. Put some peanuts on it. So which of these is Japanese? Raman? Yes. Tepeniaci?

Yes. Donbury. Yes. There you go. That's the three things they list themselves as serving. That's the three things are serving. Most popular. Anyway, it doesn't matter.

The point being, when you get to our age, Peter, quite simply, you cannot have a big lunch. No, you can't. No, you can't. I've got a horse french beef sandwich in the in the fridge, and I'm going to have to take that slowly. I'm going to have to eat it like a slow slug. So I've worked out for a careful. project of elimination

that I can have a medium burrito. Can you have salt? Are you allowed sassa? I can't have salsa. I can't have the tortilla chips. Can't have the tortilla chips. Why do the tortilla chips make you so it's just a volume of food to process?

I'm asking the body to process a lot of listen the mind it's like professional athletes. The mind wants it but the body can no longer deliver. Right. Okay. Nice. Leave the burrito before it leaves you. I'll be four and asleep all the afternoon.

otherwise. And then the problem is I fall into that absolute textbook trap of the, of the fat man, where I've got a lovely home life, wonderful wife, family and home, and the rest of it, I'm very grateful. And what that means is, I'll get home from work and invariably the wife I have access to. I've made so-and-so for lunch, and it's a proper meal. Yeah. And I'm thinking I've already done the proper meal. I just want a slim-fast shit. But I'm doing it. But am I getting stuck in? Yes, I am. It happened to me the day before yesterday. Yeah. On Monday, I had a big lunch, mistake, but did it anyway, and then got back and wife of my accident to had made like really nicely oven-baked chicken with a massive helping

of egg-fried rice, vegetable-fried rice. Come on. I had about four bowls of it. That is good stuff, isn't it? You have to winch me up to bed. Oh, I bet you've slept soundly, though. I did, yeah. Made a big indent in the mattress. It had to be carried out the bedroom to go to work next day.

You have to say, that's wonderful. It's wonderful stuff. Ideally, I would have just had a very light sandwich for lunch in that situation, knowing what would have happened, you know? Yeah, as I say, you've got to eat your breakfast like a king and all that stuff. Was it breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and didn't like a pauper, isn't it? Yeah. I'd just take a bowl of soup in the...

The problem is, with my daughter, we do tend to eat early than we usually would eat. And it's like, I get to about 9 o'clock and I'm like, I want some of food. I'm very sad inside. I have a really bad tendency to hop in front of a football match, which obviously we have to watch. If it's not one on, hop in front of the video games and just mindlessly eat snacks.

Right, yeah. I feel so gilly. I like to think that I don't do that, but I do do that all the time. And I beat myself up about it so much. It's terrible. Do you want to know what the dietary standards were, for the Victorian workhouses. What do you mean?

How many calories they were putting in? What they used to have? I reckon 1,200. I don't know how many calories it was, Pete. I'm talking about the food. What was the diet then? All right. It's not fucking Stephen Bartlett doing it.

All right. I mean, the workhouses, they were fucking sucking the horse bones. They were supposed to be used for the glue. They were all drinking huled. They were saying, basically, so am I right in saying that if you got into, like, debt, you go to, or you had nowhere to live, They would give you somewhere to live,

but it was a workhouse in Victoria, so you get to work all day for your board and bed and board, right? Yeah. Which is fucking awful. Let's be absolutely clear. But anyway, I'm not, I'm not, you know, poverty touristing this. It's just interesting. So what you got as part of the workhouse food system

was you got six to seven ounces of coarse bread. Don't mind a bit of car spurt. I bet it was good quality. One and a half pints of watery oatmeal. gruel or porridge. Okay. And then you'd get, so you get two meals a day by the look of it.

Yeah. And the second meal would be peas soup, but P-E-A-S-E soup, but I don't know what the difference between that is and pea-soup, but boiled mutton or beef with potatoes

and potentially a small allotment of beer. Yeah, I mean, it's not bad, is it? You're looking at that thing, that's fine. You're thinking Hartfordpool, 1994. That's not bad. That's absolutely solid.

Where's the Panacaltie? That's what I think. Yeah, it's not, where's the spider webs around the wound as we discussed in last. Oh my goodness, me. I can't, I can't complain. That sounds absolutely lovely. My granddad used to chew bitchement. That's going to, that's going to be a problem, isn't it?

Apparently if one used to do it. Yeah. Well, they used to chew Semtex, didn't they? Oh, did they? Yeah. So I read, so my granddad, Clayne, my late grandmother, passed away in November last year. Go, go rest him.

Great guy. He used to say to us, oh, yeah, we used to, they used to give us that. chew on so we didn't get hungry or whatever which I thought it's weird because it might you make you more hungry but anyway would it? You never chew bitchman it might have been niche as an epic yeah but you've got a big chewy bit

it's like chewing a big bit of like molasses or licorice toffee well two things you've example there which are actual foods yeah exactly just be like chewing that so I looked it up a while back anyway apparently um the the inspectors of

so the construction and road working inspectors to the bitch was what they used to lay asphalt basically right that's what you make tarmac in it

isn't it based John Luden McCadams invention has it got a petrol base or I made that up I think it's got a petrol base anyway so the inspectors

back in the day to make sure that the road material was of the right consistency they would chew it oh right nice that's where it came from

so they would chew to make it's called the chew test to make sure that it was the right texture to lay on the ground

What a world. Yeah, I guess so, yeah. And it's funny because my granddad, so he said he used to do that all the time, particularly post-war. And then I looked it up and it's like, in fact, I've got it in front of me here, I just pumped it into Google. It's got toxic hydrocarbons, fennels and creesoles.

If you ingest any of it, it can lead to severe internal damage, including liver failure, anemia and poisoning. E-lifted 994. Yeah, well, I guess you're kind of getting, you're chewing off presumably a lot of the water content because you're just kind of pounding it.

But apparently inhaling any kind of fumes of it can cause throat irritation, headaches, respiratory issues and long time and long term links to increase cancer risk. Nice. So like, it's mad what they're up to.

I feel like a lot of like... I get worried you have an extra biscuit. A lot of cancer's like annoyingly genetic in it. A lot of like your predisposition of stuff. I think a lot of it's just kind of like it's just real fucking bullshit. Your cards are fucking dealt with. the start of your life

and there's fuck all you can do about it. Sounds like you've got a little bit internal trauma about that, mate. I think so. Hey, look, it's having a few weeks internal and external trauma.

I would like to thank that lad H-dog on Twitter who did start a nice B-Dolls on Reddit thread. That's not what I was fishing for, but I appreciate that that's probably what was going to happen when I just say it's what I was fishing for

because I think you deserve it. Thanks. And also it makes me feel uncomfortable. is that as well. The ang, yeah, it's an added bonus for me that

that you don't, you don't feel comfortable with that. But you know what? I feel very protective over, um, very, over you in your output

because you are genuinely nice man and you're also a very, very creative person. And there's not many people out there who are genuinely creative in the way that you are. You are a true artist in my view.

That's very, and I remember the most, the most annoyed I think I've ever been in this whole fucking project of ours that, you know, somehow sustained our career is when, it's on Twitter,

about, I know, probably 15 years ago now, where I saw some guy who tagged me into a tweet, and I think it was off the back of an episode of The Ramble where you and I had had a piss-taking episode between us or something like that. And I think he kind of, this guy, to be fair to him, he'd misunderstood what was happening. And we obviously, it was a good natured.

And he, he posted something that I got copied into or someone forwarded to me or whatever. And it was, I've just seen Pete Donaldson walking down the street. And I nodded it and he didn't nod back, what an arrogant dick in all this kind of stuff. And I was like, hang on a minute, right, hang on. If you are going to be levelling accusations of arrogance at any one of us, right? I'm right here.

I'm right here in front of you. I don't think it's why I flare than necessarily. Dolls are the bottom of the nicest, the nicest. Neediest. Needyest. They're wanting people's acceptance. Well, hang on, there's going to be a sting in the tail from this end. So don't worry about.

Nice to the point where it's actually annoying. to the point where it's actually pathetic, how nice it is. So just fuck off. You know, and I enjoyed the Reddit threads. I enjoy them. I've consumed all of them,

I love them. But there's got to be a bit of balance. I think it's one of those, it was one of those things where my daughter isn't sleeping and I've just had a call from the nursery, which will presumably be she's coming home soon. She's coming home soon. That's not, she's not sleeping.

I'm not sleeping and you read stuff that you just really you try so hard not at the stupid stuff I don't care if someone criticises the stupid stuff I do try very hard that my hot tics are researched that they are broadly in normal other fans of people's clubs are are uh feeling you're making this worse you're making this worse I'm not making this best I'm just saying that I was a fan so I know their right opinions don't say that I'm not copying them I'm just saying if I've got a feeling about something I do broadly check that I am in line with what other people have said on the matter. Because they're not my club. I can't believe back to the

about how much I hit Bruno, Gimerich. I know. I know this. And we spent so much time without any comments because we were in the audio space. The unloved UK podcasting network. You've got to enjoy the darkness. I know. I know. And I said that when we started doing YouTube.

There was a lot of dry-by comments on it and I should listen to my own advice. But when you're tired, somebody says something horrible about you. And you're just like, ugh. And it wasn't ever about the actual comment itself. It's about the team, let the team down and not wanting people to sort of, you know, regard me

and, you know, think twice about using me for things that could be used. I know what my limitations are. I know what I'm shit at and what I'm okay. Stop now, mate. Okay, yeah, let's get out of here. No, no, we're not going to get out of here. We've got to do an email. I've got a few things to say as well.

All right. And then we'll do an email, then we'll get out of it. All right, fine. Listen, these fucking idiots, right, don't worry about it. I know, I cannot tell. Let me put this way. Let me put this way, right?

Every single one of them on Reddit, and not everyone on Reddit is terrible. I'm not saying everyone on users Reddit is terrible, and there's been people who have been very nice about me, and there's people who've been horrible about me, and I get it, it's a mixed bag, I understand that. So I'm not leveling this to every single person on there. But the people who are like that,

who are brave and who are very articulate behind their keyboard, and they want to say things about other people, right? The address for our office is on our website. Come find us. come see me I'll buy your coffee I buy your beer we can have a chat or whatever right and I always get put in mind of who was it I can't remember what was who said it um I think it might might have even been weird enough and might have even been Rory McElroy and he said when he's getting hate and he said we don't like what I'm doing just text me and if you haven't got my

number you don't fucking matter ha ha ha nice it's as simple as that love it only vehicle you've got to get to me is an anonymous um message board website it's not worth your time a day. You want to come to see us, come see us. I promise you, if you come to the office, listed on our website, and come to the reception, I will come down and I will see you. I don't care who you are, I will come to see you. I'll hide on the roof. Not one person I've ever met in public. It'll be the Iran embassy, she'd have to come and get me. All right, Pete, come down, I'll be dragging you down like an annoyed horse.

Who's the WikiLeaks guy? I'll be in the... Ecuadorian embassy. I'm like Julian Assange. I'm not coming out. I'm skateboarding the hallways and I'm a sex with Pamela Anderson. I'm not coming out. To be fair, if you are doing that, I'll stay in as well. Yeah, to be fair. I just don't think it's Tiger Woods or Michael Jordan or anyone on Reddit talking about us. Right. No. It's not. And and we don't very much put ourselves in that frame. And you don't have to, just something gets yet. Just something to get you. But you don't have to be respectful to these people. Do you know why? they're not being respectful to you.

So you don't have to. Well, a lot of them are being quite accurate, but I just, I just, I just, upset me. If I feel about that about you, I will text you and I have got your number. And it does get through. And I know I can affect you.

So it's fine. Don't worry about it. I think it's nice that people were up, got affected by the fact that you were feeling a bit down about it. I think it's a nice thing. I appreciate you guys. I've turned it into a bad story,

but it's actually a good story. It's not what I was asking or demanding, but thank you. thank you because it was very kind. And I have printed them out, and I will be wrapping myself in them when I'm feeling down. You put them on the, listen, put them on the dressing room wall, mate. It's all the talk team talking about.

Do it for her, as Homer Simpson has. What about an email from Roberto? Should an email from Roberto before we go? Let's do a Robert from Little Utley or from Roberto. Roberto says, hi guys, in response to your email about terrible experiences in limos, remember we were talking about limos a while back? Probably, yeah. He says, if you aren't aware,

for the 15th birthday of a girl in Latin America for a big party called a Quincerra so it's like a sweet 16 but a bit more kind of culturally Latin and usually the girl picks up picks a number of friends boys and girls to do a dance with her at the party and when I was 14 I was picked to be a part of my friend's one the boys are called Chambalanes and the girls are called

damas and her dad rented a limo to transport us to our church for the event Wow. So there's a little bit background for you there. Yeah. And he goes on to say, Roberto, he says, disaster struck early. The limo driver could not exit the car park from her apartments.

I have no idea how he got in, but what followed was 30 minutes of that scene in Austin Powers as he tried to get out. He became frustrated and backed up more aggressively, and one of the girls fell over in the limo and knocked over all decorative champagne glasses, spreading glass all over the limo, and a few of us got cut.

You simply must have patience. Limo driver. You're driving a boat. Listen to this. A few of us got cut. To which the driver said, fuck it. I drove out of the entrance anyway. We then took a very bumpy drive towards the church until about 15 minutes later he swerved onto the side of the highway because a tire blew out.

Wow. Just. We then learned... Probably that glass. We then learned that he had driven out the entrance of the apartment with had those spikes in it to prevent people to drive in the wrong direction. And all four tyres tires were absolutely shredded. We then had to walk across a

busy California Highway and the middle of July to church and the birthday girl's makeup was a mess and people were bleeding California California the limoed to the church anyway so we could pose but next to it for photos with the tires still shredded tired still shredded

my first time it says it's my first time in a limo well I hope the next one went better more smoothly as you were saying a while back it was because you drove your your friend's, your neighbour's son to the, uh, problem in your in the century. It's not unlike a limousine.

But you said a lot of people doing tractors, weren't they? Yeah, tractors didn't get down. But he didn't say fuck it and go over a spike. Though I imagine a tractor tire would be okay. I just feel like if you're a professional driver, you have to know how those spike things work. I mean, I know how it works. I'm not a professional driver. It's probably got a very long

engine bear, so you probably can't see him, I would say. And he was already frustrating. There's a bleeding girl in the back. Tragic. Should we get out of here? Yeah, let's do it. I think that's a nice way in, isn't it? Yeah, I'm going to find out what's happening at my nursery.

Yeah, you should. Let's make sure that your daughter's okay. But, I mean, another shameful chapter in your story of trying to get people to cover your favor with the internet. Trying to get people to be nice about you online. Oh, the Reddit. Oh, please be nice to me. The Reddit.

I just said, look, we draw a line. You'll probably bring it up because you like to upset me about people saying nice things about me. When it comes to people on the internet like that, to get respect, you've got to give respect. Right. Simple as that. Yeah, well, our job in trade, our, what's it in trade?

Our stock in trade is very much criticising things. Is it? Exactly. So, yeah. So, I'm happy to take it. I'm saying I'm happy to, I'm telling them when I'll take it. I'm saying I'll even take it in person. But no one will come and give it in person because they're too frightened.

I'll give you some in person. Yeah, well, you do, yeah, because you're very emotionally underdeveloped. They're very emotionally stunted. You lose temporal. time. Do not. Expect me to accept it.

That's a very long upset thing. 3D printing a fucking... No, I like it. I've been staring at the whole time I've been recording.

I'm going to turn on a voodoo doll. Yeah, it kind of feels like it already is. Just get some big pins. All right then, we'll be back on the show on Thursday.

See you then. Yeah, sends a message for ground aloud. Have you ever been gouged in a limb more? Do let us know atlook pitcho.com. Tata.

Bye. The Luke and Pete show is a Stack production and part of the ACAST creator network.