The Luke and Pete Show - A digested pedometer

Episode Date: March 9, 2020

It’s the start of the week which means a brand new episode of the Luke and Pete Show. On today’s show, we’re talking about the coronavirus, crufts and a pig who managed to set fire to a farm in North Yorkshire, using nothing but feces and a digested pedometer. Also on the show, Pete’s taken a trip to Southampton, Mel Brooks has a thing or two to say about The One Show and we’re considering whether or not to test the waters with explosive lithium batteries and eating uranium.Plus we’re catching up with some of your ‘Florida man’ headlines.It’s jam packed! Get in touch at [e-mail]  ***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. It's the Luke and Pete show with me, Pete Donaldson, and Luke Moore is back. Oh, baby. Is this the crispest kind of click in a song possible on our theme tune? It's a great click. It's a great click, isn't it?

Yeah, speaking of great clicks, you, Mark, and Alex last week. Yeah, indulgent. That was, this is going to be a return to normality, much to the disappointment of many a listener, I expect. Okie dokie. It was great fun though, wasn't it? I enjoyed listening to it. I had a bit of a giggle, yeah. It was nice to kind of settle into those old kind of roles 15 years ago.

Yeah. It's nice to revisit. Lots of people would say that you don't look old enough for that to be the case, Pete. visit. Lots of people would say that you don't look old enough for that to be the case, Pete. I have a reputation of looking younger than my ears, I'll have you know.

Ridiculous, I know. I'm doing my best to dress like a grandad, but to try and up those. I think you're one of those people who's ageless. Yeah, but then also ageless, I look like everyone. Someone I care about greatly, more than most people, I would say, said that I remind her of the grandad from Up recently.

Yeah, I can see that with your manner. Your manner. You can be quite grumpy. And you go to grumpiness very quickly. Yeah, but he's grumpy all the time because he's got reasons to because he's got a deceased wife. Yeah, I'm saying you're grumpy all the time and you don't have reasons to.

No, I do have reasons to because I hang out with people like you. It's one of the me. Yeah, it's one of the me's normally, isn't it? It's Luke and Pete's show. It is Monday, the 9th of March. Can I ask you one question, by the way, Pete? Hello. At the risk of sounding like the oldest man, I am the oldest man in the room.

Where's the year going? Where is the year going? Where's the year going? It goes so year going? Where's the year going? It goes so fast. Do you reckon? I think it's going quite slow. I'm emotionally in April. Really?

It's because it's your birthday in April, of course. It is, yeah. I'm emotionally there. Is it going quite slowly for you because everything is building up to the sweet release of death? Well, yeah. I mean, as an asthmatic and an occasional steroid, I was going to say occasional steroid user

makes me sound like I'm juicing an asthma-based steroid user. I'm just worried about this virus. Are you particularly at risk? I just want,

yeah, I am, so I just want to get to summer where everyone just stops getting the flu generally and we'll all be alright. We'll all be alright. I think summer will hopefully make it go away.

Makes a lot of the blues go away. Imagine on to like a news program and stuff like a talk expert talking henry said that and mr moore um what do you make of this so far i hope that and i think that when it gets to summer it will go away yeah because uh italy's quite warm in it and look how they're dealing with shit how are they dealing with shit don How are they dealing with shit, Donny? It's a full lockdown. They just went, right, nobody's leaving. And then there was like this train that was leaving and it was the last train before the lockdown. So everyone was just running to get this train out of Hellsville, Italia.

It's awful what's happening there. It doesn't sound like a lockdown though, does it? No. Right, there's a lockdown, but there's one train leaving out of the lockdown and you've got to get it yeah this almost sounds like you're doing it on purpose

that's what I was thinking but Pete it's obviously tragic what's going on and we wish everyone a happy and healthy recovery a happy corona yeah but

you look at stuff like that and you go oh that's exciting isn't it what do you mean it's exciting it's a bit I don't watch a lot of films about the apocalypse

I find them quite dull um because my i live my apocalypse every day yeah and so i you know and it is dull and it is quite boring um so yeah i don't watch a lot of those films so when i see sort of like things like that happening i sort of go it's uh it's a bit horrible isn't it yeah it's genuinely chilling so i mean in terms of getting away from things that are chilling, I think it would be remiss of us. Now, I don't know if we did this last year. I can't remember.

No one listening will be able to remember anyway other than those crazy people on Twitter who tell you off for everything. But did we do Crufts last year? I don't think we did, no. It's so good. Because you're like an avid kind of Sunday television watcher. Big time. That's what Sunday's all about, mate.

I don't really want to be doing anything post 4 or 5pm on a Sunday. I mean, a lot of times I have to do a lot of prep for shows we're doing this week or in the week or we have to make sure we're across all the football, all that kind of stuff. I don't really want to be doing things post 4 or 5pm on a Sunday. I want to be watching TV. I want to be relaxing. I want to be reading. I want to be doing something a little bit kind of stuff. I don't really want to be doing things post 4 or 5pm on a Sunday. I want to be watching TV. I want to be relaxing. I want to be reading.

I want to be doing something a little bit chilled out to prepare myself for the week. And Crufts is perfect for that. The thing about Crufts, if you didn't watch it, you've seen it before, right? Yeah.

You know what it is. I saw a dog going mad. Yeah. Oh, the little clip of it? No, it was quite a big dog. I think sometimes they just, at Crufts, they bring in of it? No, it was quite a big dog. I think sometimes they just, at Crufts, they bring in, in many ways, like in X Factor in the noughties where Simon Cowell would put through an idiot.

Yeah. It was quite exploitative, wasn't it? Yeah, it was quite exploitative, exploiting mentally ill people. Yeah, they sometimes feature a dog who just will not do what it's told. It's not had any formal training, it seems, and it just gets too excited and refuses to do the little assault course. Well, the one that the Twitter video that went, I mean, I need to take your advice on this.

Do people still say it went viral? I mean, I've not heard viral for a little while. Okay, the video clip that went around the internet. Receives penetration. Yeah. The dog that received penetration. Got a lot of market cut through. Was a dog grabbing the little beam From the jump thing

Oh yeah Yeah That was a rescue dog They bring it in to show them And go look These are loads of dogs That aren't the best of their breed Or they aren't a great example

But they've been rescued And they're looking for homes And that dog just went mental It wasn't supposed to be there as a performer Oh right So that wasn't Oh it wasn't like Let's run through here But the dog just grabbed it. It wasn't supposed to be there as a performer. Oh, right. So that wasn't, oh, it wasn't like, let's run through here,

but the dog just grabbed it and ran off with it. No, sadly, well, that did happen, but I think it was kind of expected. Brilliant. But the thing I was going to say was, when you watch crafts,

it's easy to forget. So they interview, obviously this sounds ridiculous, but you know what I mean? They don't interview the dogs. They don't spend any time with the dogs, really, apart from the dog just sits on the sofa in the interview room and just says nothing.

It just sits there. What's the dog like? Sometimes on a trip. Well, he's quite well-behaved. No, no, they always go, oh, he is so naughty. You wouldn't believe how naughty. Is he really naughty? Because I've seen dogs that all attack kids and stuff.

Is he really naughty? Do you mean that sometimes when you don't give him a treat, he barks? Because that ain't that naughty for a dog. When dogs attack humans, we never get the names of the dogs. No, because I think it seems frivolous. I think if a dog has attacked a human being and has had to be put to sleep, I think it's frivolous if the human being the human being's been injured. To say, to say, um, yeah, to say that, oh, and, um, um, Tiddles. Tiddles?

Imagine if it was called Tiddles. Tiddles the dog. But anyway, what I was going to say was, it's easy to forget and you must always remind yourself when watching crafts. I must always remind myself. The dogs don't know what's happening. Yeah. The dogs don't have any idea why they're there.

No. They're just doing it for a treat. So keep looking up and the and the owner's normally got a little pouch on his belt and gives them a treat a little treat so if you walk up and down there with me i'll give you a treat at the end that's why they're doing it yeah but they're not doing any other reason i don't they don't even they don't even know why they're there right and and nothing will typify this more than when the dog that won best in show, the big prize last night in Crufts, celebrated by doing a gigantic turd right in the middle of the floor.

Oh, I saw. Was that the winner? I saw the turd. I saw the offending turd. Well done. Handshake, trophy, little ruffle of the dog. Do a shit. Walk around, show the trophy.

The woman looks down. The dog is taking a turd in front of like 20,000 people. Well, didn't Louis Armstrong swear by laxatives and weed? Louis Armstrong? Yeah. Where's that come from? Well, I'm just thinking

that's probably how he celebrated a great gig. Curling one out. Is that why he had like a big mouth? No, that's because he blew a trumpet. Yeah.

I didn't expect you to take it down that angle. No, I'm just thinking there's very few spots you can celebrate with a big poop. Gary, look at it. Lily game.

Celebrate a bit early. Would you also be interested... Here's not one, Gary. Would you also... Would you be interested in the dogs, perhaps? I know you can't dress them up because you've got to look

at their outline and stuff, but could you give them little hats? What do you mean? I was saying like... The dog gets like a little hat because you know when people look at their outline and stuff but could you give them little hats? What do you mean? I was saying like... The dog gets like a little hat because you know when people dress up, if they dress up

in a big way, so say it's like a morning suit or whatever people wear a top hat or a woman will wear like a fascinator hat or whatever would you be on board with the idea that every dog at Crufts has to have a hat commensurate with the size of dog it is?

Only if it is. Only if it is doubled up with a monocle. Yeah, monocle definitely. But have you ever tried to get anything on a dog?

Any hats? They're not interested, no. Oh, they do not like it. But not even for a treat? Well, they don't.

No, they just like get it off me. Yeah. I reckon all dogs, because dogs look they're stupidest and they're at least majestic when they've got a cone of shame it off me I reckon all dogs because dogs look they're stupidest and they're at least majestic

when they've got a corn of shame on so I think all Crufts all Crufts entrants should enter with a corn of shame on because then you will

really separate the men from the boy dogs the wheat from the chaff dogs the final thing I want to say about Crufts is that it's great to hear on the commentary, like a

60-year-old quite posh woman or man. Sometimes it's Peter Purvis from Blue Peter. He does it. They'll say, Pete, they'll go. And if we look at the Bichon Frise here, she jumps up and down. Beautiful outline. Lovely, cheerful

disposition. She really is a lovely little bitch. Bitch, yes. Yeah, yeah. And in first place, and bitch obedience champion 2018, will be Philomena Barnes. It will never not be funny, will it? Strong.

It's just too strong to stop using it. It's just, you know, it's not our word. It's the dog's word they've taken ownership of it they've taken ownership of it

did you see that tweet that the North Yorkshire Fire and Rescue Service sent around yesterday no I mean it's weird

in 2020 that that's a thing isn't it yeah have you been are you aware about what the North Yorkshire

Fire and Rescue because I live nowhere near North Yorkshire yeah exactly they tweeted this doing? Because I live nowhere near North Yorkshire. Yeah, exactly. They tweeted this. It's brilliant. At 1.37pm.

Should be an oink, not a tweet. Tad Caster and Knaresborough fire crews attended a fire to four pig pens near Bramham. No pigs were harmed. The cause of fire. This is fascinating. This is like some Breaking Bad MacGyver shit. Right. But the cause of fire attributed to a battery-powered pedometer

carried by one of the pigs to prove it was free range. Right? So it's got a pedometer on it. Is that government mandated? Must be some kind of food standard. Is that EU red tape? You're welcome to it. You're welcome.

So a pig's got a pedometer on, right? Another pig ate the pedometer, because they don't just eat anything. Apparently pigs are really intelligent, but they'll eat pedometers. After nature had taken its course, again, another animal taking a shit, it's believed that the copper from the batteries

reacted with the pig pen's contents, contents, i.e. the shit, in conjunction with dry bedding, igniting, burning, ignited, burning approximately 75 square metres of hay. I mean, that is spectacular. Right up my street. I mean, I presume.

Look at the picture. Yeah. That looks grim, doesn't it? Looks like an old World War II shelter. You know the old trick about where, like back in the comic books when you were a kid, they would put a burning paper bag of dog turd on the doorstep. So people would stamp on it. That's basically a giant version of that.

I always think that people do not respect how explosive Valium batteries are. Bearing in mind everything. Tell us more. I know nothing about this. From your smartwatch to your computer to your mobile phone. If you pierce that... that um that is a valium this is not valium is it what i'm talking about um whatever battery it is it's not valium is it

i mean valium sounds like you took last night because i can't get it out yeah uh lithium lithium ion battery sorry lithium honestly you boxed out lithium ion battery you boxed out lithium battery compared to the normal kind of like just rolled up paper with chemicals on it. The ferocity with the way that they go

up is incredible. That's why you can only have a certain size to go on an airplane. Yeah. But if I just took a knife and stabbed the

hell out of the back of your MacBook, it would start to explode in a particular, in a really sort of a really violent way. They start to swell after a while as well, those old batteries.

Imagine if you get an old MacBook, it's always warped a little bit. Oh, is that because of the battery? The battery just gets bigger and bigger. Imagine Pete stabbing the shit out of my MacBook. You've just imagined the summer of 2010. Is that why they would come over on the PA on the plane and say, have you got a certain Samsung phone? Because they kept catching fire. Was that to do with the lithium ion battery?

That was to do with it. There was too much stress on one of the batteries and it was getting bent a little bit and it would just go... How do they not get that in testing? I don't know. Things have to be brought to market rather quickly. I imagine there's a lot of R&D happening at the moment over in China and Taiwan and places like that because they've got outs to do, haven't they? They can't export. No. of R&D happening at the moment over in China and Taiwan and places like that.

Because they've got out to do, haven't they? They can't export. No. Just R&D. Stockpiler, mate. Research and development. I know what that stands for. Well, you're looking at me blankly, that's all.

That's just my face. What else have you been up to at the weekend before we... I went to Southampton. What the fuck did you go there for? Luke, I know you slated for that one because you're a pompy lad. Well, hang on a minute.

We're going to have to get the WhatsApps out because you were slating it as well. Oh, no, that's what I'm saying. But it's not nice, is it? It's nice. It's like, I had a good walk around. It's not nice, is it? What were you even doing there? I got to see Southampton Newcastle.

Oh, cool. But it was very weird. Very, very strange. That part of the Salon is not very nice. That's quite a poor part as well. It's always so fucking cold there as well. Was it cold? It was windy.

It wasn't. I was in the posh seats. Come on. It was quite windy, but it was also, it chucked it down. And the ferocity of the uh of the wind and the rain off the sea was oh my word it was it was thrilling but it's not great but a stranger how long did you spend there um not a second longer than you had to a full day was it when it was football um and out and then uh stayed in a trial lodge uh with a um naval officer's discount

why is your life so depressed? I don't mean this in a horrible way. Why do you do that? I know, but I'm at home. Among the buzzards of my family. Why are you in a travel lodge in Southampton when you don't need to be? Because I wanted to watch football and I wanted to see my friend.

He's getting sent to Iraq for six months. That's fair enough. Thank you for your service. Thank you for your service, Peter. After a fair answer. Where did you go? Thank you for your service. I brought it. Thank you for your service, Peter. Thank you. Where did you, did you, after a couple of beers,

did you go, in many ways, my service to the podcast community Yeah. is more impressive than what you're doing. Look, what time,

it's 8.30 in the morning. How many things have I ever done in my life at 8.30 in the morning? Apart from the breakfast show that you may have heard a slice of last week. And by then, you're almost finished at 8.30 in the morning? Apart from the breakfast show that you may have heard a slice of last week. And by then you're almost finished at 8.30 in the morning. But where did you go out on the town in Southampton?

To be honest, one of our members, the naval officer, had been drinking since 2 o'clock, so he fell asleep at about 11 on my friend, so we all went home. Nothing else to do in Southampton. A lot of dead wasps. I saw so many dead wasps. It's so weird.

And then I had a dream this morning. I know the people's dreams are boring. Matt Baker from The One Show. Yeah, I like him. Seems like a nice chap. I've never seen The One Show, but for various reasons, I guested on a podcast about The One Show.

Mark Haynes from Rattle Me does a podcast about the one show show one the one it's called the one show show isn't it i think it's called the the one show show okay rather confusingly um and people who tweet in get confused uh and try and tweet the one show, because they're older people perhaps, they end up tweeting a fake account, a fake podcast about the one show. And so I've never seen the one show before. And so I watched two episodes. It's demented.

It's mad, yeah. It is just, it's just, it's just like archive little two-minute documentaries that they filmed like last year. Do you know... And it just goes off and on and on and on. And I had a dream that I was explaining that I'd never seen The Moment Show before,

and I watched two episodes, and it was weird. It was like Japanese television. Yeah. And it turns out I was telling that to Matt Baker, and I went, oh, sorry, I'm literally preaching to the priest? To the choir. Yeah, the priest. You know, the priest.

You know, the classic realisation of that happened a couple of years ago when the great Mel Brooks was on it. Right. He was on there promoting some, I can't actually remember what it was. It was back in 2017. He was promoting something and he was sat there on the sofa. And this happened with, Al Pacino was on it recently as well. Yeah, he was promoting something and he was sat there in the in the

on the sofa and this happened with Al Pacino wasn't it recently as well yeah Mel Brooks was sat there David Jessen turned the air blue with a story about him

he did being naughty I mean now you feel about how you feel about Andy Falls Nautics but Mel Brooks just sat there I think they went from

I'm making this up but it was something like and now we go from Giles Brandreth doing a two-minute VT on The Letter Q, and it cut back. Ross Noble was there, that surrealist comedian, just doing some mad stuff. And Mel Brooks just sat there and he went, you do realise this is absolutely nuts, right? Here on, we heard the story of Patricia, who contacted us, hoping to find out more about her long-lost father. What a crazy show this is. I know.

We are the classic... That was fine, Patricia. This is kind of like the sponsors break. They have to do something serious, and they'll be back to the frivolity of our show. That's so true. We're serious. We just turn the page and we move on. Right, let's focus on Patricia now, all right?

Okay. But this is nuts. I want to... Think back to Patricia. So whilst trying to help, we've discovered a brother she never knew about. It's reunion time now. Tish is on the radio.

This one's sad. It's sad, this one. It is nuts. Cut through the whole thing. And that's Mel Brooks saying it. It is nuts. Spaceballs, the producers. That's Mel Brooks saying it.balls the producers that's Mel Brooks

saying it amazing classic stuff I actually quite like it I know it's not fashionable to say that but I think it's quite a cool thing

no you shouldn't like it sorry I'm not even I'm not even going to go oh no no I'm sure it's very popular it shouldn't be popular it's mental

it's mad I reckon you if I gave you the gig you'd take it yeah similar accent, similar presence, similar emotional bends happening every day of my life. But would people be, would it be jarring to go from a very clean-cut, friendly Matt Baker just to you?

Right. It would be like putting Gil from The Simpsons on the sofa. You have to be on that show, a presenter who is so comfortable with the uncomfortable. Yeah. Like, you're just able to sort of go, right, we've run out of time, Miriam Margulies, we've got to go to,

you've started talking about politics, so we're going to move on to the underwater photographer of the year. Yeah. A man's found an old bracelet in a field. Yeah. How much is it worth? Not as much as you think

yeah the farmer has to have half of the money it's just like fuck now we're going to look at some disabled mannequins yeah

it's like why there was a mannequin every so often it's just Canada I was like where's that come from I don't want to repeat

what was said on the podcast because it's quite a fun little show but and we do love Mark because he does wrestle me with moi. Oh, he did this very show last week. He did, of course. Yes, he was here last week.

And he, but there was this, it was all about body positivity and these mannequins that were like differently, like kind of pear-shaped kind of mannequins, like more realistic body shapes, mannequins. And then there was's this Nike, or Nike, do a disabled runner.

So like, with a missing leg, and they put one of those blades on the bottom of it, like Oscar Pistorius. Yeah. But those blades are like 10 grand.

Yeah. Give them to a disabled athlete who's in training. Yeah. Don't just put it on a mannequin in the fucking Nike shop in London. I'm sure it can be. It's not going to get much use, is it? What?

It can be used afterwards. Yeah, but by then, the tensile strength of the metal might not be as good as it was straight out of the box. So maybe you're thinking, just get a fake one, the mannequin. Just get a fake one. Or just get like a, make part of the mannequin the blade. You've already made a mannequin. They make them by hand. They push the fiberglass into the mannequin the blade. You've already made a mannequin. They make them by hand?

They push the fiberglass into the mold? Perverts? Yeah. They just want to touch female bodies? Yeah. They just want to touch bodies? This is taking a turn. Shall we have a break?

Yeah, all right, fine. We got a lot of emails about one man in particular, so... Sausages. Sausage making can be a very intimidating thing. Yeah, sausages. Hello at thecompet compete show.com is the email address we've had a load of emails about florida man i'm going to do a few of them in just a minute that's some good stuff about um uranium as well which i want to come to but if we don't

find time um today we'll obviously find time on thursday yeah because last week we talked about absolute shite we um didn't have time to do any, we only did two or three homework so I didn't bother setting up the topic. Also, you were too carried away with yourselves to do any of that kind of stuff. It's fine, it's good.

It's a good little break up. A good little break from the old routine. I'll bat myself. I don't care. It's not like you. Florida Man birthday challenge. So what you do

is you type in Florida Man and then your date of birth. Lots of lovely listeners have been doing it. I've got a few here. Florida Man jailed after trying to barbecue all the child molesters. All of them. That's for May the 7th. That's a big barbecue, isn't it?

James Coyle got in touch. His one was Florida Man's murder was really elaborate suicide by balloon, which is just strange. February 28th, Florida Man, who allegedly threatened family with Coldplay lyrics, ends standoff after SWAT team promises him pizza. That's from Reen in Pleathorpe. Sometimes all you need is pizza.

Yeah. Look at the stars, look how they shine for you, says Matt. That says ring. Dan Pauly has come in with Florida man arrested after allegedly breaking into an office, leaving a sign in the window saying, Secretary wanted $17 an hour. He brought in just a sign in the window.

Katie's emailed in with, Florida man tries to start naked fight club at Chick-fil-A. That's for September 26th. It's good. It's a gift that keeps on giving. I do love America.

It's just because apparently as we said before the privacy laws are different in the state of Florida so a lot of stuff can be this stuff happens

everywhere apparently but it's just in Florida where they report it. Florida man stole a footlong sandwich in his pants. What the footlong

sandwich was in his pants? In his pants. That's a poorly written headline. Because you like footlong sandwiches they his pants. What? The footlong sandwich was in his pants? In his pants, yeah. That's a poorly written headline. Because usually footlong sandwiches, they're the ones you have to get made up.

It's not much of a crime if you get handed to you and then you just shove it down your pants and run out. I'm talking about Subway, basically. Yeah.

It's not crime, essentially. Chick-fil-A is a controversial outlet because they have some very robust and actually quite unacceptable opinions about minorities.

Yeah. So they're very religious. They don't open on a Sunday. Right. Yeah. It seems like that religious companies, and I used to work for a government quango that it was a housing. Good to hear the word quango.

You don't hear it much. Yeah. It very much died with the Blair years, didn't it? A government quango that helped people move from social housing from London anywhere else in the country, where social housing, there's a bit more stock. So families that arrive in Britain are families that are finding it very hard to get two, three-bedroom houses in London

or the surrounding areas can move up to, for example, my hometown of Hartlepool. So obviously I was the marketeer who'd talk about how important it is as a project. And it helped a lot of people, and people were really impressed with the results. And I think there's certainly a view of people in the south that the world stops at Birmingham, and they're scared of anything. Hello. And they think that everything north of

the North Circular. I would adjust that to Watford. North Circular. Anything outside the North Circular is no man's land. So I think people get a lot out of it and it's a great project and I think housing organisations need to prioritise after the Thatcher

right to buy. Where's this coming from, Peter? I'm just getting annoyed about the lack of social housing. We were talking about Chick-fil-A, weren't we? Yeah, but I'm just saying that we had a quango that came in that kind of, it was a private company that did like a website to make this easier. The government paid a shitload of money to this company

that I won't name. Name it, name it, name it. That used to work for, I'm not really sure what it's called. Yes, I do know, actually. I'm not going to say. But they had like a kind of charitable Christian kind of edge to it. Oh, right. So every time they would do something terrible

or outsource everything to Albania for the technical work, which would come back containing house types that we don't even have in this country completely unfit for purpose trying to cut corners wherever they can they would go

yeah but we're giving a lot of money to Christian charities in Africa aren't we and it's like yeah you can't always justify that you know

it's just bad management by charity washing yeah but we're being very charitable. Do you know what Quango stands for? I'm not really sure. No, I didn't know,

and I think some of our listeners wouldn't know either. The Blur song, there was a Blur song, Mr. Something and his Quango. Oh, yeah, I can... That's the sort of stuff that makes me dislike Blur intensely. And Blur, no, no. Blur, I meant to say. Quango stands for a quasi-autonomous

non-governmental organisation. Ah, privatisation by other names sounds like a baby. I didn't know that and I imagine a lot of people didn't know that, so there we go.

We've all learnt something today. Mr. Robinson? Mr. Robinson, it's Quango. You make it sound really camp. Quango. Much more camp than it is. Blur were quite camp.

They were quite camp. Woohoo! by the way did you listen to it reminds me of that tube station gate that used to make the sound

did you listen to Tom York on Desert Island Discs oh did he do one right okay he's done one recently it's very interesting

he is the least cool man you could ever imagine I was talking to his ex tour manager he was looking

like a primal scream at the time he's had a fucking difficult couple of years did his wife die

his ex wife sadly passed away and I think him settling into post I think any man who has

to settle into post that kind of situation sort of fatherhood and and i think he's calmed down a little bit now i think he went through a lot of uh a lot of stuff he said it was an interesting episode i would recommend it um it was yeah it was very good um should we move on to some chat about uranium okay just quick reminder for people that you said i think you said last time we were on the show together that a gram of uranium theoretically has something like 600,000 calories in it.

Yeah, just crib from Twitter, but I'll take it. Yeah, it's fine. Well, listen, we've had some nuclear engineers in touch. Uh-oh. Uh-oh, the big boys are here. The experts are here. Do we even need them? I like no one's talking about the anti-expert agenda

when coronavirus is fucking coming. Bring the experts in. Help. We're fucking idiots. What's that? Climate change? Not bothered. Not bothered.

But what's that? A virus that might give me a fever? I'm staying in. Chris Summers from Washington, D.C. And I'll tell you what, I'll give Chris a lot of credit. He's a nuclear engineer. He's got a degree in nuclear engineering

anyway he lives in Washington DC he's used his full name he's not saying I don't care what people tell me

he's not doing that old kind of bottle job thing that a lot of emailers do I've got a story about the police but I don't want

anyone to name me good on you Chris because I beat up a man yeah I once kicked a wing mirror off a police car

I wonder back in Cleethorpes in 1997 and I wonder if they're going to catch me so please just use my first name Domingo Mick Jagger got in a bit

a bit there Chris Summers what are you saying he kicked a no my impression started to be a bit Mick Jagger you'll do a better one

than me though okay Keith Chris Summers says hey guys as a guy with a degree in nuclear engineering My impression started to be a bit... You'll do a better one than me, though. Okay, Keith. Chris Summers says, Hey, guys, as a guy with a degree in nuclear engineering... A lot of guys in that sentence, Chris. I can answer part of your uranium question. Uranium, girl! You know that you came and you changed my world.

Uranium is used in nuclear fission, which is the process of breaking an atom into smaller atoms to create energy the energy created is calculated using the famous einstein equation e equals mc squared the classic e is energy m is mass destroyed more than that in a second and c is the speed of light the uranium atoms are broken into smaller atoms like iodine and cesium uh if you add up the mass masses of the byproducts it is the smaller mass than the uranium you started with. The difference in mass is the M in the E equals MC squared equation. To summarize, nuclear reactions convert mass to energy, one of the mind-bending but true parts of science.

If you find that helpful, consider me for the official scientist of the show, huge fan of Luke and Pete's show, Chris Summers from Washington, D.C. I was just worried he was going to disavow us over the notion that it contains so many calories, or it would create so many calories. I think it's probably the more accurate.

Yeah, but Dave has followed up with a little bit more information on the specificity of eating uranium. Dave says, Hi, gents. Finally a topic in the show I can possibly provide some information on. You pondered what would happen to you if you ate a of eating uranium. Dave says, Hi gents, finally a topic in the show I can possibly provide some information on. You pondered what would happen to you

if you ate a gram of uranium. Dead within an hour? Handily, I happen to be married to a nuclear physicist who used to be manager of internal dose assessments at AWE. I thought you were going to say, I don't know what AWE is. Happily, I've been married to a person who's really hungry and also very much part of the nuclear community. Happily, I've been married to a person who's really hungry and also very much part of the nuclear community.

Happily, I happened to be married to someone who once was really hungry and I left my uranium just knocking about. According to my wife, says Dave, eating the uranium will be slightly less damaging to you than inhaling it. Oh. There would be an increased risk of cancer as the uranium would be absorbed into your kidneys and bones. She did ask if we were talking about natural enriched or depleted uranium but i skirted around

the detail on that if you could have questions about my field cryogenic air separation in the future i would be grateful um cheers dave who's currently within basic missile range of the yemeni border he says quite cryptically do you have any questions for dave p about cryogenic air separation? I'm sure he's got bigger problems. I've got one. The missiles flying around. I've got one. The Saudis.

What is it? What is it? Yeah, it sounds like something to do with clouds. I'm going to say that. Do you reckon he's doing the old getting the clouds ready for the Qatari World Cup? Yes, there's cloud seeding. Yeah, it could be.

Paul McCartney, though. He seems to be like the man that everyone mentions when cloud seeding yeah Paul McCartney he seems to be like the man that everyone mentions when cloud seeding gets mentioned is he yeah because he

had a big concert and they spaffed some chemicals into the air to make it rain make it rain

and then just get rid of all of the water vapour it's passed me by can I hear more about this

another time if you want thanks we'll have a google we need to get out of here let's come back

on Thursday though and follow this up. And yeah, thank you very much for listening to the Luke and Pete show with me, Luke Moore,

excuse me, and that man, Pete Donaldson. We'll be back on Thursday with more of this nonsense. If you like the show, five star review us all the way. We appreciate it.

Tell your friends. Follow us on Twitter at Luke and Pete show and email us hello at Luke and Pete show dot com. Call you, man. This was a stakhanov production.

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