The Luke and Pete Show - A doomsday prepper in a digital furnace

Episode Date: March 26, 2020

Happy Thursday! Another day in paradise/lockdown. As the isolation starts to take its toll, Pete spends a lot of this show talking about cables and USB devices from within his tiny recording box. In a new world order where electronics are the currency, would Pete be king?The boys also run the rule over Gerard Butler, the perils of the sofa industry, a debate around the lending of money one night in Berlin, and finally, we hear a frankly ridiculous story about one of our listeners having a tete-a-tete with an angry sheep.Let us know how you've tried to impress a boy/girl: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Luke and Pete show. My name is Pete. And my name is Luke. It's Thursday. It's the future. Who knows what's going to be taking place. I've got a bone to pick with you, Sunshine. Luke, you remember? Before we start. I did not listen to last week's show because be taking place. I've got a bone to pick with you, Sunshine. Luke, you remember? Before we start. I did not listen to last week's show because I was busy and stuff. What's this £100 business,

€100 business? What's that? What have you been telling tales? I was handing out €100 notes or something. Oh, no, yeah, this is a true story. I can't believe you don't remember it. No, I don't. What was it?

We went on a night out. Apologies to the people who were listening last week. I was not one of them for various technical reasons. No, I'm happy to reiterate it. It's textbook Donaldson behavior. People will be into it. You and I went on a night out in Berlin several years ago. And we were out somewhere.

And for some reason, the bar we were in didn't take card so i said look i need to go and walk to a cash point and you said no don't do that i mean by the way this is very late doors about one or two in the morning you said no don't don't do that just borrow some money off me and i said okay fine you gave me a hundred euros okay and then a couple of days later, when we're back in London, and I try to pay you back, you wouldn't take the money. So I know it's a night out. I don't remember the exact situation, but I think it contributes to the fact that you live in a house that you own, and I don't live in a house that I own.

One of the things I was unclear about last week, I think, I can't fully remember what was said, but I'm fairly certain I did eventually pay you back, but it was a long time. And also, to be honest, out of all of the Football Ramble team, you are probably pretty high on the

list of people I would lend money to. There are a couple who I wouldn't. One little hairy boy still owes me £35 for the Stansted Express, for example. My goodness me. Listen, you should take that to the grave as well. Don't ever let it get you. If that's not eating you up inside when you're 60 years old,

then you are a terrible terrible human being. The only bit of advice any of my family members ever gave me was my nan went, never lend people money. She was really serious about it. She said, Peter, the one thing is never lend people money. But I have, so what does she know? My nan used to say, never a borrower or a lender be. Yeah.

It's kind of the same thing, right? You've got to be one of the two if you're getting involved in the trade economy that's true yeah yeah it's very it's a very fiscally conservative way of looking at things how does she buy a sofa because at the end of the day you're like giving someone i always get annoyed about the sofa industry that they sell things they don't have so you're basically they're borrowing money off you and then they build the product and send it to you. It's, you know, the commissioned pieces, it's effectively a borrowing and lending bartering system anyway.

Yeah, I mean, listen, if a few more months of this lockdown business, we would have descended back to a medieval bartering system of economy anyway. I'm going to get so into whittling. It's going to be unbelievable. As long as the economy has hitched in my cables. you will be bartering exclusively in the electronic sector yeah i'll be i'll be like one of those little um those little um chinese electronic markets where you can buy all of the pieces for an iphone and put it all together yeah you know like back in the day people got their surnames because of their trades and stuff or because something around their circumstances so obviously yours were because you at some point someone was donald's son mine is more because

probably some family live near the moors or whatever yeah um after this all happens you will become known as pete wyerman nice ethan edson yeah i like that could you could you if if if we got into a situation where it did resort back to a bartering economy and somehow the currency was was just just stuff if it became wires man you'd be absolutely fucking minted yeah but it would all be like kind of weird wires from like the late 90s that don't really work because the birth rare exactly yeah yeah but they've been in the market for it because you can't use them for anything you just look at them sometimes i'll open an old suitcase and there'll be like a usb cable back in the day there wasn't really a standard for um usb cable so like the normal one plugging your computer the other end

would just be like this weird arbitrary um first party it would be like it would just nonsense. It would just be a weird end to it. It'd be like, why is that like that? Because there's no one way of doing a USB cable. But obviously, for mass market production, to classify a general sort for everybody to use probably makes more sense because it just means that you... But it just meant that if you had a particular camera from the late 90s, early 90s, a a digital camera it would always come with this weird um like cable that you would

never use on anything else because they want you to go back to them and spend 50 quid on a new yeah i remember i mean speaking of that and speaking of usb woes when we realized this lockdown was coming and we had to go and get a load of home recording equipment and obviously i think you advised on what stuff to buy and it was bought and sent out to me and i a load of home recording equipment and obviously i think you advised on what stuff to buy and it was bought and sent out to me and i set it all up and the mic that we're both using at the moment is a usb mic right so that was all fine and i went to start to test it the day before lucky i did um obviously because apple are absolute fucking wankers i couldn't plug it into my new macbook so i had to drive around south london trying to find a shop because at this point all the apple

stores are closed drive around south london trying to find a shop that did a usb to usbc adapter and i found one the last one in curry's pc world in brixton what a faff stop changing the ports on all your fucking stuff yeah well the whole uh the whole lack of headphone port and usb but a lot of the product productivity people really like that kind of usb that's on the new max but for everyone else it's like i've got other stuff that i need to plug it in what about it's when we change to mp3 what about my cds what about my cds i don't see why they had to change it is it usbc far usb c faster or something uh it is faster and um you can do more things with it so you'll notice that you can put power in it it can also transmit power um it's quicker the bandwidth's massive um you can do all kinds of stuff with it so in the long run it's good but there's always going to

be that painful part where legacy devices just don't work and this has been the lucan peach tech support line for thursday i went into a um i went into a tesco extra before i went into a pc world and i've got an electronics bit upstairs oh nice and i'm i know they're under a lot of pressure at the moment and they do a great job and i used to do a job stacking shelves at a supermarket myself so i get it but i have never seen someone so confused when i try to describe what i needed yeah but i just said they just hired a lot of people to stack shelves and stuff and that's absolutely fine and then they just go right you're on dairy you're on like grocery you're on beers wine dispirits you're on electronics upstairs no training yeah but luke if i know you how you described it is

how you describe any technical doohickey and guide you've got the thing it's why the why you have you got the wire that does the thing that's how you would have described it so the blind leading the blind in that particular situation i'm enjoying the fact that my i'm enjoying the fact that all of the youtubers that i watch which is mainly technically based um they're basically doing the same stuff that they did before so they're not going to be losing a step really they all broadcast from their homes anyway they've all got a little studio built in their shed they're just men who get old graphics cards from it from ebay uh and just make them run the newest video games or pick locks for money or just get old 1970s hi-fi devices

and take them apart and have a look what's wrong with them. So it's very much my YouTube page looks exactly the same as it ever did. I'll bet there's some preppers out there at the moment. Oh, mate, we used to take the piss. The guy eating all of those old Civil War rations, he's got rooms and rooms full of food he has. Yeah, that guy with 450 cans in his basement. Yeah.

Oh, he's probably got a load of toilet roll down there as well. He's got a big in shit, although it's very clean because he's got loads of toilet roll. Exactly, exactly. On the way back, I noticed that if you're ever on a flight and you need to steal toilet roll, there is a button underneath most of the plane bathroom mirrors that opens up the cupboard and you can steal toilet roll if you want.

That is deplorable behaviour. I needed it. I didn't know what I was coming back to, did I? Didn't know what I was coming back to. It turns out, Soho, because no one lives there, there's quite a lot of time to roll around i'd love you to have i'd love you to have got busted for smuggling or something on border patrol on i'd love you to be doing the voiceover continuity

for border patrol on dmax and you're actually on the show today on border could patrol australia uh pete donaldson has been caught smuggling food That was so good. That was so good. Today on Border Could Patrol Australia, Pete Donaldson has been caught smuggling food, smuggling bread buns over the border. To get out of being caught with smuggling a load of toilet paper down his pants, he's shit himself. George, I think that's why I need this.

He's waved his feet for this voiceover here on D-Max. Speaking of tech supporters, you listen to that um it's rare we recommend an episode of a podcast on um on this show that isn't a staccato show but did you hear the episode of reply all about the last song about the last song it's really good it's about a guy who um is on the way home from a um well reply all is a gimlet podcast anyway it's really very very good generally but this episode was particularly good it's about a guy who's driving back from a party with his wife and he starts

singing a song and expects her just to kind of sing along or get it or remember it and she doesn't remember it he's like okay no worries well I'll play it to you when we get home I used to hear it all the time when I was growing up gets home finds no record of it anywhere on the internet. And he gets into a right old state,

wondering about whether he's made it up himself or he's having a meltdown. And anyway, it kind of escalates from there and they try and find this song. They try and locate it. And the reason it got brought to my attention is because one of the guys, the main guy from Bare Naked Ladies turns up in it.

Oh, okay. So everyone was tweeting us about the It's Been, saying, oh, this is the episode with the most Bare Naked Ladies mentions since Luke and Peter. But it's a really, really good episode. I can't remember the exact name. I'll look it up. That was like me trying to find,

because we're doing a film review thread on the Football Ramble, that was like me trying to find Soccer Dog the movie online so everyone could watch it. And I'm coming up with very little. There was one illegal torrent of Soccer Dog 2, the European Cup, which I presume is just Soccer Dog going to Europe, which I'd very much like to see but unfortunately uh one cedar zero leeches and uh and the cedar seems to be not available at the

moment so it's it's all very upsetting well you know you can get me a copy of soccer dog the movie and soccer dog the movie european cup too uh that will be much appreciated this episode of reply all is called episode 158 the case of the missing hit, just to get that. Still numbering, are we? Gimlet, idiots. Yeah. Losers. But the thing is, on that soccer dog tip,

maybe listeners can let us know if they've got some insight into this. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com. Or perhaps you've got some insight yourself, Pete, which is that when they're making a show, they're making a movie called Soc dog right yeah the writer the director everyone assigned to that movie knows it is going to be a crock of old shit knows it's not going to be watched it's not going to get a cinematic release it's not going to be successful in any meaningful way yet they still do it now i understand the actors probably think

well you know this could be a break for me this is my first experience of doing something or whatever i get all that side of it but why apart from that why are they doing it it's not going to make any money tax breaks right that's probably isn't like a lot of films just kind of like if you know if i make this i'll make money it's like the producers isn't it i don't know it's it's and also a lot of these films will be like in-house but in-house say like for disney uh disney will like spaff out like 10 of these a year and then they'll end up on disney plus to a confused mandalorian consuming audience going what the fuck is this disney made a lot of weird films we've never seen before yeah and also you forget that it was like we were talking about the film Goal with Kuno Becker on the Football Rumble.

He looked great for that one. My goodness. There's a new picture of him. I think he must have been playing like a hoodlum or something, but he's lost his puppy fat and his good looks, but wow. But I think, what was I saying? Yeah, when they were sort of making that film, that weirdly made a lot of money globally.

So we think of these kind of like really silly films and stuff. They go over different characters quite well then. Yeah, exactly. So the simpler they are, the easier it is to kind of apply it to different parts of the world and to translate as well, I reckon. All right, let's have a quick break on that note and uh come back the other side with some emails i like to think that the luke and pete show is the soccer dog to european cup of of uh podcasts what do you reckon luke how have they possibly taken

that into the european cup territory what can they even mean what can it be i just want to see it i just want yeah i'd love to see it because as i said in the ramble earlier this week um i it's a stretch to say that i wanted to dislike gold but i was firmly of the opinion having not seen it that i can remember that it was going to be awful and it genuinely wasn't that bad yeah so sometimes i suppose having said what i've said before the break sometimes there are kind of a lot of redeeming features to a movie that is otherwise a little bit forgettable yeah the the jared butler film uh that i've got you watching for next week is an unmitigated shithole that's why i mean no no not really he's quite a i think he's quite a limited actor.

He's a bit weird. If he hasn't released an album, he will have done. He's thinking about it. He's exactly that kind of actor, that kind of mid-level, mid to low-level Hollywood star, British, who's just, yeah. Yeah, so you wouldn't judge him in the same way you would judge, like, Jason Statham, where you go, look, he knows what he's doing. He's found his niche.

He's having a lovely time. Yeah, exactly. Not as likable as that, you're saying? No, exactly. Have you interviewed Gerrard, by the way? No, no, I haven't. The only similarity, Clive Owen pops up in some weird stuff these days.

I interviewed him one of my last interviews for Absolute, and he was a strange intent. Yeah, he's doing a betting advert. He's doing a betting advert. Yes, that's right. Yeah, he does. Well, look, cash. Have you seen him in extras?

Yes, I believe I have. That was like in the middle of his Hollywood career, wasn't it? Like he's kind of tailed off a bit. But maybe he'll be back. Who knows? Who knows? Got an email from Richie here, Luke. Go ahead.

Hey, guys. Someone gave me a huge smile this week. Someone I don't know. Can you really know a person is the question I'd say, Richie. You never know anyone. No. I posted on Reddit regarding a post saying, a podcast not yours might be coming to an end

due to this absolute bastard of a virus. I mentioned your podcast in the post and got a reply from some great person who replied, never did I think I'd see another Luke and Pete fan in the wild. I was absolutely stunned probably as much as this person, but it brought a little more happiness into the world. Surely that's all we can do. That's certainly what we're sort of aiming for here at the Luke and Pete show.

We're not going to talk about viruses, war to all viruses, but I would say people do listen. We're not just broadcasting to no one. If we didn't have any listeners, this would not have gone to 200 episodes. That's all I'm saying, Richie. No, because, Pete, it took me three years to convince Pete to do it, and if it had no listeners, he wouldn't be carrying

on doing it. Trust me on that. No, I think I'd be more into it if no one had no listeners. Oh, yeah, you would, actually. The things I'd be saying. Oh, the things I'd be saying. Did you say at the top of that email that the emailer was worried that Luke and Pete show was going to stop broadcasting because of the virus?

Is that what you said? It was another podcast that they were worried. But they assured, I think they assured Reddit that we would keep on going, which is obviously scant consolation to most of the people on there. If you're doing a studio-based show or something that's fairly um straightforward to produce and put together um i don't really know why you wouldn't carry on given that it's a case of buying a mic from amazon and doubt and getting some software i mean i don't unless you're a truly dreadful broadcaster and you have to be in the same room as someone at all

times i don't see there's any reason why you wouldn't want to do it oh big licks um i would say that um they certainly run on those marantz mics we bought that's another way reason you're the richest man in the world in that bartering economy mate my i was looking around i was looking around i've got an analog mic that goes with a zoom recorder i've got a marantz mic i've got a little yeti mic that i use every now and again i am mate i'm a doomsday prepper in the digital you are furnace this is my favorite prince album i reckon i reckon it if i got you to read a particularly long email i could run to the loo and back i was just thinking i need a way and i was thinking i could probably get away with that i'm a doomsday prepper in a digital furnace yeah put that down i um i've got an email here about a terrifying sheep oh cool um it's it's from um sean who i think is a regular emailer he's he's in whitley bay he says uh hi

guys not got a lot on at the moment so i thought thought I'd email you in and tell you of an animal attack and the time I thought I was going to die. We'd gone to visit family in the small village where I started my life. It's a weird way of putting it. I've never had anyone say that before. Some people where I was born or where I grew up, where I started my life. Yeah.

In the hospitals, old people shouting, this is, I am ending my life. This appears to be the end of my life um he said we moved away about a year previously so we knew everyone in the village i went around to visit some friends about my age who had just got a sheep called henry i was about five or six and he was fucking massive to me at least i was eating a toffee apple my first mistake i was also dressed rather natterly in a hand knitted mr bump jumper my second more ironic mistake listen don't blame yourself it's not how you dress all right going out dressed like that disgusting opinion you're fine the jumper could have made could have been made by my mom it could have also been bought at one of those stores at the entrance of a hospital oh things bought in hospitals oh wow i love that

you know with the clothes you wear but you bought in a hospital um you said henry took a shine to my life yeah or i started my clothes purchases um henry took took a shine to my toffee apple tree. Where I started my life. Yeah. Where I started my clothes purchases. Henry took a shine to my toffee apple tree and reached up to take a bite. I mean, if he was that massive, he'd be reaching down to take a bite, wouldn't he? Anyway, I lifted it away from him and in fear I might strike him with it,

he nutted me right in the chest. I tried to escape his head as he had another go and snagged the jumper on the catch of the gate ensnared by my thrifty garment henry had a few more goes as i still vastly held on to the toffee apple i realized now i should have dropped it but I was only six and I was scared. I love the way he says this. Listen to this. He had another few goes before I was rescued in about 20 really long seconds. I was a bit bruised. Obviously crying like a six-year-old who'd been attacked by a sheep.

That's how a lovingly knitted jumper featuring an accident prone children's book character nearly led to my early demise stay safe everyone and look after each other now sean you are a man who is clearly benefiting very much from being confined to your own home yeah no sheep out there No sheep in my house. Oh, that's wonderful. The way he describes that email, right, is just to let you know, he has, in Sean's word, had in total six, in quotes, goes at him. It's just the idea of like, what could it possibly want? What could it possibly want? Why?

Give me the coffee after you can. Amazing email. Love that, Sean. Thank you so much. Very enjoyable. We'll probably round this off with a final email. Kyle in France. Well, they're naked, ladies.

Probably don't dance. They're probably confined. Well, maybe they do dance, but just in their own homes. Dear Luke and Pete, living in France, huge thanks for helping keep spirits up during the weeks of confinement here. For my birthday date, I found the headline. Remember, we were asking people to search for their Florida man birthdays. Florida man says he punched ATM for giving him too much cash.

What? A Florida man told investigators he punched an automatic teller machine because it gave him too much cash. And the rest report says that 23-year-old Michael Joseph Oleksik, he caused about £5,000 in damage to an ATM at a Wells Fargo bank branch in Corkor. A pleasing word for a man from the northeast to say. Yeah, he was arrested on criminal mischief charge after bank officials

decided to press charges. Incredible. And, charges incredible in the end the surveillance video of uh olexic pummeling the touch screen five thousand dollars in damage i guess maybe the only thing i can think of is that perhaps he was quite clear to like his overdraft limit or something and if it gave him that much money it might cause him to take over yeah yeah remember those days of um i don't know if you had the same thing but i remember i had a student overdraft limit of a thousand pounds right right so which meant you had a thousand pounds i know the amount of times as a student i would i mean these are simpler times and probably quite fiscally irresponsible times as well where you would i'll be at my halls of

residence at uni or whatever and it'd be a wednesday night so it'd be sport i've been playing football that day and i want to go for a few years that night and i'd go to the cash point and if i saw that i had minus 990 pounds or better i'd be absolutely delighted because that meant i'd get a tenner out i'm gonna get pissed that's all i cared about yeah yeah exactly mortified yeah you would be you i would be wow i wouldn't start braying the fuck out of an atm to be fair but i just think um i spent a lot of time bouncing checks that was my that was my mo i was just doing a bouncy check my friend i live with at uni had his face behind the uh student union union bar for bouncing so many checks. Imagine anyone under 30, the idea of a check.

Mate, the thing we had in the sports shop I worked at is you had to sometimes, if someone wanted to pay by debit or credit card, it would be a manual machine that you'd take a press copy of. Yeah, the clunker. Yeah, and then you'd have to send it away to find out whether it would be hon manual machine that you'd take a press copy of. Yeah, the clunker, yeah. Yeah, and then you'd have to send it away to find out whether it would be honoured or not. It's absolutely insane.

Foolish. Foolish if you ask me. It is. I mean, were you fiscally very responsible at university or not? No, I recovered from massive amounts of debt at about 29 when I joined a radio station and then had to take out more debt. No, yeah, no, it was terrible. I was absolutely, graduate loans, student loans, just, oh, man, just awful.

So did I tell you the story that the student loan company had overcharged me by something? I mean, it was thousands of pounds. Oh, yes. So did you get a rebate? Yeah, they gave me by something. I mean, it was thousands of pounds. Oh, yes. So did you get a rebate? Yeah, they gave me a refund. They've got loads of money. They've never taken 550 quid a month out of my pay packet,

even though I'd already paid the loan off. Yeah, exactly. I would question. It would be very annoying if, due to this virus, that they cancel all student debt, because I think I've more or less paid my off. That would be a shame. That would be a real shame.

It's a big fortune in the US. And just finally to round off, a few people on Twitter are giving us some tips about self-isolation. WT on Twitter says, whatever you do, don't drink more water. You're made of enough of it as it is. Yes.

You're acolyte there, Pete. It wrecks an indoor swing ball set, says Tim. Use a yoga ball as a bucking bronco and do press-ups until you're exhausted and then look out the window. That's the best thing there. I've been doing a lot of the latter, just watching the man at the fancy boo shop over the road.

He's open for business. He knows what's happening. Stephen says, Is it finally time for you, Pete, to start keeping booze over the road. He's open for business. He knows what's happening. Stephen says, is it finally time for you, Pete, to start keeping booze in the house? No, because I'm still not finished. I've got a bottle of gin that was gifted to me and that I may still re-gift.

I'm not a big gin guy, but yeah, that bottle of Campari has seen me through literally no good or bad times because it's still full and it's about four years old now. You're not a gym man you're a hiney man i'm a hiney man man i just it's the stuff i drink or if i'm in texas lone star all right well listen on that absolutely amazing piece of news we're going to get out of here but

stay safe do follow the protocols to make sure you don't contract coronavirus or give it to someone else heaven forbid uh we'll be back with you on Monday with more quarantine tips, going slowly more and more insane, I expect, at talking into makeshift mics and computers in our relevant spare rooms. Pete, don't forget to take some time to get outside your box at some point. And I mean that physically and literally, not just metaphorically like I do normally. I might get off my box, drink that bottle of gin. We'll see you next time.

Bye. Bye. This was a Stakhanov production.