The Luke and Pete Show - A faith-palm moment

Episode Date: November 19, 2020

On today’s episode, Luke and Pete talk all things holy after the Pope blessed a certain unexpected Instagram photo earlier on this week. Elsewhere, Luke’s unleashed his inner movie buff as he discusses cliché film favourites, British bad guys and featuring on the big screen himself!Also on the show, we chat all about chemical elements, discover the three things people can watch endlessly without getting bored, and hear some very bizarre emails - think big meaty squirrels and a care home horror story with a twist. Enjoy!Email in to [e-mail]! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or your preferred podcast provider. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

all right then it's the luke and pete show it is a thursday do hope you're keeping well i'm pete donaldson i'm joined by luke moore luke say hello or say anything hello i'm just gonna say hello keep it traditional hello yeah that's fine that's fine uh luke um can we kick off with um something terrible has happened or wonderful in the world of Luke and Pete. Oh, God. Pope Francis, and I quote this Twitter page, Barstool Sports, Pope Francis is as horny as hell. The Pope is horny. Oh, I saw this, actually.

Horny, horny, horny, yeah. He liked a tweet of a lady's bottom, didn't he? A lady with her bum out on Instagram. I think she's some kind of model. Pope Francis has, or certainly Pope Francis' Instagram page, has liked the picture of the lady's bottom. Yeah. Logged into the wrong account.

Which is a little embarrassing for the actual Pope. Yeah, do you reckon he shouldn't have been on mail? But the Pope's not mailing wrong account. Which is a little embarrassing for the actual Pope. Yeah, do you reckon he shouldn't have been on Maine? But the Pope's not manning that account. There's no way the Pope even knows what Twitter is. I'm not having that. Did the Pope actually come out quite recently and say that masturbation wasn't a sin? Yeah, the Pope comes out.

He's just making up the rules, left, right, and centre, isn't he? I said to you before, we talked about this a couple of weeks ago, when you found out about a Pope who loved horses. That wasn't the full story. I said to you., we talked about this a couple of weeks ago when you found out about a Pope who loved horses. That wasn't the full story. I said to you. And you know it. Yeah, well, it absolutely wasn't. But the thing is, I said to you, the Pope and the Catholic Church

will come out with some stuff, and it'll be like, okay, everyone knew that. Everyone knew that ages ago. You're supposed to be one of the bastions of moral authority on this planet, and you're about 50 years behind everyone else. What's going on? Also, on that note, Pete, one thing I should make you aware of, Barstool Sports is a production company, website, bunch of podcasts, social media accounts and stuff.

And there's a little bit of crossover with them and the type of stuff that you'd get on Lad Bible back in the day and stuff. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're quite a controversial outlet, Peter. I know how woke you are. Yeah. But Barstool Sports have been at the centre of quite a few controversies over the years.

I do remember. So I just wanted to make you aware of that. I do remember that, actually. But I didn't have another source. I only had the source that someone had retweeted from the woman in question's account. Who's the woman? I don't know who it is. Natalie Garibotto.

What a great name. Great name. For a woman with a big bum. Check out the Garibotto bottle. So you're suggesting it's- Mr. Roboto. What do you think is more likely then? That the Pope's got some kind of member of staff who was logged into the wrong account?

Or the pope genuinely likes big butts and he cannot laugh your other brothers can't didn't know look god is everywhere god is in the silicon injected butt bot of a woman of a model it's gonna be it's just everywhere you know it's all god's work that's what they say yeah he didn't make any mistakes no i do as lady gaga would say God makes no mistakes. Oh, I watched a couple of films over the weekend. I watched the Lady Gaga Star is Born. Is it good?

Have you seen that film? No. It was quite enjoyable. Very interesting vocal choice from the lead male, whose name I have caught to skate. Bradley Cooper. He's chosen a very sort of deep, guttural voice because they cast his brother. They cast an actor who's got a very deep voice as his brother,

and so he kind of adopted this kind of... That feels like you're putting the cart before the horse a bit there. Yeah, just choose someone else. Yeah. Just like a Mickey Mouse, kind of choose... Who's the guy who talks like this and he talks he just he's always talking like this joe pesci yeah let's go with joe pesci i thought joe pesci would work in that league i haven't seen the film

isn't joe pesci in his 70s yeah yeah he came out of retirement to do the irishman isn't he the thing that drives me absolutely mental is when they like movies will cast someone and make them do a different accent when they could have just cast someone who's got a native accent we've talked about this before and i know it's down to sort of screen testing and the look of the film and stuff but like the biggest weird one for me and i'm about to kind of annoy a lot of star wars fans probably and those who listen intently to luke and peach will know that we are very much a star wars household here because mimi my wife is a massive star wars nerd in fact she's just got into star trek as well so it's not getting any better oh nice next generation yeah she's well into it classic um yeah so basically at a certain time

every evening the living room door just closes and that's me i'm uh i'm just pottering around the rest of the house i like that though it's nice to have a bit of time you know i agree i'm fine with it to yourselves there's nothing wrong with pete without only being able to walk into the living room when you hear the star trek theme tune playing out because you know the episode's finished no i'm joking it's fine but the point i was going to make is that, you know, if you think of the two lead characters in the newer Star Wars movies, you've got Daisy Ridley and John Boyega.

Yes. Daisy Ridley plays Rey, English accent. John Boyega plays, what's his name? Is it Finn? Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's got an American accent, but he's British. Yeah, there's a few people who had a problem with that I haven't got a problem

with it I mean necessarily I just think it's a bit odd yeah Samuel L Jackson I think sort of spoke I think it was about John Boyega why are we getting British actors to do American voice

why can't we find American actors for that sort of thing I think he was talking about John Boyega but So why are we getting British actors to do American voice? Why can't we find American actors for that sort of thing? I think he was talking about John Boyega. But yeah, it's, I mean, if you can do the job, I think, is it fair that English actors sort of bring a little bit more gravity possibly to roles that American directors just don't see in their own kind? Do you remember that, Pete you do you remember that um pete do you remember that advert a car advert for the car brand jaguar where they were trading on

their britishness as a brand i don't even know if it's a british company anymore but they were trading on the britishness of jaguar as a brand like a classic british car and they got a load of brilliant british actors who've all played like bad in big movies. So it was people like Ben Kingsley. Yeah. And they really traded on that. And it was all the fact that Jaguar's British, and it's really cool to be British. And at the end, it was Ben Kingsley looking to the camera and going,

it's good to be bad. Oh, yes. It's good to be bad. And it was an amazing advert because it was traded on the fact that British people are always bad guys in American movies. He shouldn't have done the Gandhi accent. That was weird. Well, that's another weird thing, isn't it?

That's weird in retrospect. That's naughty, though, isn't it? That's a bit naughty. It's really strange. But at the time, this is the thing, isn't it? At the time, I don't want to come across as like anti, anti kind of anything, but no,

I understand it's problematic, but at the same time, I mean, he's genuinely a good actor, isn't he, Ben Kingsley? It doesn't mean it's not a good performance, does it?

Or does it? You tell me. I don't know. I don't know what I'm allowed to say. What do you think? I don't know. Yeah. Oh,

speaking of classic movies, by the way, this is going to sound horrendously cliched but it's true so i'm just going to stick it out there not going to hide any light under a bushel not to our lovely listeners i um i was um about to go to bed quite early on saturday night last saturday because um i've been running that day and i was just tired i've done loads of stuff and this is about about 10 o'clock and i was just tired. I'd done loads of stuff. This was about 10 o'clock. I was just about to turn the TV off and I saw The Godfather had just started.

Oh, right. Okay. I ended up watching the whole thing. I hadn't seen it for years. I know this is not a revolutionary thing to say, but fucking hell, it's a brilliant film. It is brilliant. There's nothing about it that you could change to make it any better.

It's a perfect film and the one thing i loved about it pete is that um and this kind of chimes into something a friend of mine was saying a number of years ago now maybe 10 years ago my friend sean is a lecturer at um one of the london universities i can't remember which one it is but he lectures in um film right and he says one of the things he does every year, every new intake, is he plays the godfather. He said it's absolutely amazing. It's like a litmus test because the more the years pass, the less the kids are into it. And the reason for that is because it's so slow-paced.

Like they can't, apparently like a lot of his kids they can't handle it it's just it's just it's not enough happening and and i remember watching it on saturday thinking this is perfect because i'm not you know i'm not in the hurry to do anything and i'm just lazing about and it's a beautiful character study in it and the way it unfurls as a story is amazing of course the acting is ridiculous, so good. But it is, compared to a modern movie, I reckon if I was to put on an epic movie now that came out this year, it would be night and day

because it's so slow. It's like modern music, isn't it? Everything's very compressed. Everything's just the same loud level all of the time. Yeah, that's weird, that. I'd sort of use the example of Blade Runner, the last blade runner massive fan of that film um it kind of it had the same kind of stillness and calm uh that that um that the previous obviously the first one uh had and i loved it for that i i love the stillness of the frame and i love how unbusy it

is so when things start to kick off it really matters i'll use the same example like obviously it's a modern tv show but mad men's a really good example like people find it very hard to get into mad men whereas they could probably get into something like you know breaking bad because it's just a bit more noisy but like mad Men's just still kind of a beautiful watch. So when small things happen, it's just way more accentuated. And I just love films that have that stillness and that calm and that authority to just go five minutes without having huge things. Yeah, just take confidence.

But the thing is, Pete, I don't think many directors would get away with it these days. It'd probably just be blocked. And you'd probably get a handful of directors. I mean, I don't really know anything about film. And for those of you who want to learn more about it, you should go and listen to Clash of the Titles because they're the guys who know about it.

But for me, it feels like you'd probably get a handful of directors who get away with doing whatever they want, maybe someone like Chris Nolan or whatever. And other than that, it's, you're probably in hock to, to the, what,

what the studios think the audience need. And I'll tell you what, that also lends itself to music as well. My friend Duncan, who's, um, fit the features editor of a, of a music magazine.

Um, and knows loads more about music, modern music than me. Um, he says in pop music now, it's all done essentially, but I mean, it's done by um he says in pop music now it's all done essentially but i mean it's done by songwriters and stuff but it's all done hugely informed by like algorithms and and the you've you've got like the studies have shown you've got like 20 seconds to get to a really catchy chorus or um well you're pretty much done like the people aren't it's not

going to be picked up it's not going to be listened, it's not going to be picked up. It's not going to be listened to. It's not going to be shared on the key thing these days, which is Spotify playlists, and you're finished. Now, the reason that's interesting, I think, is because that probably sounds a little bit soulless to people listening. It did to me when I first kind of heard about it. But actually, there is an element of that that it was ever thus, because if you think about some of the classic records over the years, and the example I'll use is the Beatles' Rubber Soul, right?

Within 20 seconds of Rubber Soul being put on, you're into the chorus of Drive My Car, right? Yeah. And it never lets up the whole rest of the fucking album. So the Beatles understood that like 50 years ago, 55 years ago. But it's kind of being done in a slightly different way now. And I wonder if this whole idea of disposable culture and instant gratification is going to at some point flip right back around

and people are going to start getting a bit more thoughtful again. I mean, maybe they won't. Maybe it's just an unending bit of progress. But quite fascinating the way it happens. Because if you put on a classic piece of entertainment the godfather or or something like that it seems it just seems a bit weird if it feels really slow and um again put against modern society where everything is so quick um it's quite interesting as an experience yeah but not only i would say like um a lot of modern

um songs are obviously sold on how useful they are to, like, social media. Like, TikTok is a big need. And syndication across movies and video games and stuff and TV shows. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So the hook is incredibly important. But I just do like the fact that people have, like, artists nowadays, they write songs for TikTok. And, you know, they debut them on tiktok

and they they write these kind of very catchy tunes that i like you said right right into the chorus immediately as the song begins fascinating yeah i also um on your breaking bad point actually i just thought about that that's quite interesting because if you go back and watch the very first episode of breaking bad which i think was originally made as a pilot episode, because obviously that's a lot of the time, that's how TV shows are kind of commissioned, clearly. There's a lot packed into the first episode. It's ridiculous how much.

I mean, I think in the first episode, he goes from, I think he's already cooking meth in the first episode. And he's already like, loads of stuff has gone wrong in that first hour. And I think it does slow down as they get more confident and as they know they've got the backing of the studio and stuff. But a lot of these classic TV shows, it almost feels like they are made and they are successful in spite of the production companies and the commissioners

rather than because of them and another example i'll use on that is because i'm pretty sure people were quite cold on breaking back at the start and they had to be convinced to carry on making it the same was the with the wire the wire the first season didn't really do much and the the predict the funders said okay you can have one more roll of the dice at this right but so we'll give you one more series but after that if it doesn't fly you're gonna have to we're gonna have to pull it and that's why the second series of the wire is completely different it's all about the docs and there's different characters and stuff yeah because i was gonna say it's like yeah the second one is

so different and i you know if you suddenly got that kind of if you suddenly got that money to do in the series, I mean, that is really kind of different to what... It's right out of the project. You're just on the docks all the time. It's basically just a gangster film. Yeah, I think it was. I had no idea they were on the buns of their arse. Yeah, I don't think David Simon had planned it like that. I don't think so anyway.

And then also the fifth season was cut short by the writer's strike as well yes so that's why it gets a little bit mad because i have to pack a lot of stuff in i think so i mean it's amazing like and i think i think you know all those series both those series are great and and i would obviously chuck the sopranos in there as well and one or two others but they're obviously not without their problems now i do i do think that um this is a bit technical and maybe not a huge interest, but very, very quickly. There's an element in creative industries, whether it be TV, making records, movies, podcasts now,

and Pete, you'll know this as well as I do, from the people who have the money and who commission these things and pay for them to be made and take a chance on stuff, very, very quickly it becomes a case of let's think of any reason at all we can to not do something because it's my head on the block and i don't want it to fail and that's why it's better on that level to be doing the way we try and do it which is kind of independently because then you get to back your own judgment and just get it done if you if you pitch something to a big company fucking hell but it's it's it's it's absolutely byzantine and bureaucratic and like i say a thousand reasons to not do something so i i'm not surprised that that's the case with things like um like um breaking bad and stuff and on the got just to bring this around full circle

on the godfather apparently francis for coppola to fight two for nails to have brando in it but the production company didn't want to know they were not having him he's a he's a pain in the ass he's like yeah it's fucking marlon brando well do you remember i made um andy who made the film um oh god uh house not house the dead but abitha it was like abitha kind of abitha undead yeah andy ebers yeah abitha undead he was like, you were in one of his zombie movies back in the day, wasn't he, when he was fresh out of uni? He, you know, he made a million-dollar film, and, you know, it was fantastic, you know, lovely bit of work.

Didn't that have Emily Atack in it? It did, yeah, the darling of ITV, and then when she got on Sketch, sure. I know, I'm going to watch that. I haven't seen it yet. Because you're an Inbetweeners fan, aren't you? Massively, but i don't want to be unfair to emily i'm sure it's absolutely lovely i've never met her um i do know have high

hopes for it but i'll give it a bash well i think it's funny because it'll upset um a lot of stand-ups who think they deserve a sketch show you think it's funny because you think it's funny also because you don't want to be seen as someone who's not laughing when a woman makes a joke uh yeah yeah probably something like that but um i would say that but he made he made this film for like a million like dollars and and that sounds like a real success but i remember seeing him around the time that he did that film and it was so difficult like it took years with the script before it was even before they even looked at maybe hiring a camera it was years they the funding, and then it took a year before he was able to kind of get the script

into some sort of position to get it sorted because people want to return their money, and with money, they think they've got a say. In the thing that you bought, you should trust the person that you're giving the money to, I think, in many ways. That's why you're not in charge of the accounts for our company, though, isn't it? Good point. Good point.

And some of the – there's that production company now. It's either – I always get them mixed up. It's either Blumhouse or A24, one of the two. They just make loads of movies. And their business model was basically set around the fact that maybe a couple of them will cross over, but they make them quite cheap. And Andy, who you speak about there, he's also as well, obviously people listening won't know him,

but he's like a proper auteur about stuff. He's so into it. He'll work a job that perhaps he doesn't want to be doing, but he'll just get the money and he'll plow all that money into giving him time to make a movie because he's like, ever since I've known him, which is getting on for 20 years's um he's been single-minded about wanting to make movies right so yeah it kind of that's what it takes sometimes isn't it yeah that's what it's what it takes he's very he's a very inspirational young man he's a good lad he's not that young he's older than both

of us so that's wrong let's take a break all right let's take a break before before we um before we slag off a good friend of ours for no reason anymore. After the break, we'll do some of your emails. We'll be back in a minute. He does some excellent boudoir photography. This week on Stakhanov. One Direction's Liam Payne was in the studio talking to Jack Maid's Happy Hour about life as a global pop star.

With untold stories about his time on The X Factor, life in the world's biggest boy band, and going solo, this one is not to miss. I was part of this massive machine and I knew my part in the machine very well. So I knew what I was doing every day. But then when that machine falls away and you're in the world and the world's just happening around,

where do you fit? You can catch the full episode on Spotify. If that doesn't tickle your fancy, on this week's Football Ramble Presents, Kate and Jim sat down with former Chelsea, Juventus and England striker and football legend Eni Luko to discuss her storied career and her autobiography, They Don't Teach This. Whether it's racism, whether it's bullying, whether it's sexism, often these behaviours are silent. They're not always something that's said. It's a feeling, it's a set of behaviours

by a group of people towards you that makes you feel incredibly isolated. You can hear more from Enia Luko with Football Ramble Presents on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. All that and more at Stakhanov. your luco with football ramble presents on apple podcast spotify or wherever you get your podcasts all that and more at stakhanov and we're back with the luke and pete show pete donaldson with you joining me in the booth fire in the booth is uh mr luke moore you all right mate how you doing it's not fire though is it really no what is it if it's a rolling charcoal briquette that's just smouldering.

What's your favourite element? Is lead an element? Yes, it is, yeah. PB. Do you know, who is it? Our colleague and friend John always says, I mean, this is probably an old quote, but there's three things that people can watch endlessly.

One is a fire. Two is running water. Right. And the third is other people working. Other people working? Yeah. What, as in like physical labor or just kind of, okay, yeah, that's interesting.

Yeah, there you go. I could watch, I mean, does not overfluff with me being a lazy man but I could watch that man getting punched on the tube endlessly oh what you mean that actual man not John no not John

either listen it's now time for this section where we do your emails and loads of you have got in touch. No more, by the way, than the guy who signed us up to the fucking Donald Trump campaign. Oh, fuck off. I've been subscribed again. The amount of emails that they send out.

I mean, that's state-sponsored harassment. It's like five a day. It's mental. Oh, but it's incredible. It's just like the email shots you get. Why haven't you opened this message? Why haven't you done this? Why haven't you done that?

Yeah, crazy. Absolutely crazy. And the thing is, it is funny on one level, but on the other side, it's like, you know, them and Fox and all the rest of them are poisoning the brains of a lot of Americans. It's very sad. Yay, yay, yay. Anyway, hello at lukeandpeachshow.com

is the email address. And, you know, we heard from Noah Ross earlier, which is a fantastic name, and probably the name of the show. But driving him pretty hard is an email we've had in from the one and only Joe Salt. Oh, lovely. He sounds like he'd have his own artisan kind of butchers or something. Salt?

Yeah. Joe says, hi, guys. Big fan of the show. And I'm a fan, actually, of all the Stakhanov products. Oh, lovely. Are they products if we don't sell them? Probably. Wish we't sell them? Probably. Wish we did sell them.

Been listening for a while, usually on my commutes to and from work, at the Burns unit in Nottingham. Oh. Now, I believe that is a part of the hospital which deals with people who've had burns. It's not like Robert Burns unit. It's not like sports.

No, it's not a celebration of Scottish history. No, no. He says, we have a plethora of injuries relating not only to burns but various traumas requiring plastic surgery so they branch out above and beyond just the humble burn he says this includes animal bites now we see plenty of accidental cat bites and dog bites some police dog bites where the usually the person will say i was just standing around minding my own business,

which is obviously not true. And I've occasionally even seen a monkey bite and a fish bite. Nice. All requiring a wound washout closure, which is either stitches or glue, and some antibiotics. However, the story I want to tell you is about a five-year-old me and an unfortunate run-in with a bad-tempered squirrel. My mum and dad had taken me out to Elverston castle in derbyshire beautiful part of the world just for a general walk around and some fresh air my mum had brought along a few bags of nuts as she knew there were loads of squirrels

and she loves animals embracing her in a disney princess she began feeding the squirrels from her hand i was so excited by this that I began to do it too, probably thinking maybe I could befriend one and bring it home or something like that. One squirrel, a big meaty bastard, came sauntering over. He took a nut from my hand and turned to walk away, but then paused. He then turned back and bit my middle finger as if to say, thanks for the nut, you little twat, now fuck off out of my forest. Needless to say, I was inconsolable. i got bundled into the car to the nearest minor injuries where i got a dressing and

a rabies jab my dad however decided to pull a typical dad move and tell me he thought the squirrel was probably radioactive and that i'd grow a tail and become squirrel boy this made me cry i think he was probably just making trying to me feel better, but it didn't work. Hope you enjoyed. Keep up the good work, Joe Salt. So, being bitten by a squirrel. Never heard of that before. No. I mean, if I was going to suggest where the squirrel would go for you first,

it would probably be the testicles because they love nuts, don't they? Yeah. Straight into the nutsack. Straight into the nutsack. I'm not sure if squirrels fall under this category. They may well do, but you know that a large amount of rodents have to constantly gnaw on things, don't they? Oh, what, to keep their teeth down?

Because their teeth keep growing. Right, okay, yeah, that makes sense. So maybe that squirrel needed to sharpen up a bit or maybe even blunt his teeth and decided that that boy's finger was the place to do it like i've been bitten by loads of stuff my parents still use the fact that i've been bitten by things to take the piss out of me now even though yeah yeah i've got i forgot to tell you last week i got bitten by a fucking bird at bird world as well bird world let's hear about bird world and every time we drive like the thing is, Pete, right? And then Bird World,

I think, is in Surrey, right? So you drive through it to get from my parents' place to London and vice versa. Right? And I'm telling you now, right? There's been like, I think five years ago

when I was in my mid-30s, I think I was driving my parents somewhere, drove past the sign for Bird World and both of them started cracking up and going,

oh, look, don't drive down there. Don't don't take that exit you might find it you'll be at bird world again you get bitten and i was like how old was i when i was bit a bird world mom she was like three well it's your fucking fault then isn't it not my fault so it's not just the dog that i mentioned last week it's the bird as well who gets bitten by a parrot it's mental well i don't know and childhood pete with animals was amazing there's pictures of you on the back of an elephant there's pictures of you here around a chimp you had a great time with animals when you were a kid didn't get bitten by it didn't get bitten by a parrot that's all i'm saying i did didn't i just i just think you're in his world

he's not in your world oh yeah absolutely and the thing is though pete do you not feel that you know because the famous picture of you you must be about five or six and you've got your arm around a chimp and yeah and you've also the same kind of series of photos um that i've seen you're on the back of an elephant now i don't think either of those things should have been happening for obvious reasons but it was the elephant in particular looks awful yeah we'll give you a pass because it was the 18th it It's not your fault. You're only five. But the fact of the matter is that a chimp is an incredibly dangerous animal, right? And if it's under duress or out of its environment, there's a chance it's going to hurt you, mate, isn't it?

It could take your face off. There's a chance it's going to flip, for crying out loud. Isn't there a woman who actually had her face taken off by a chimp? I believe so, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they might have killed the chimp as well, which is really disappointing, quite frankly. Just wants a face. He just wants a human face to play with.

Which one is it? It's the one that looks like a person. He's just blending in. I was going to say, I'll probably round off with this, my favourite email of the weekend, sent to us yesterday at around about midday. Hello, Paul. Hi, Luke.

Hi, Pete. I thought I'd get in touch with you to tell you about the time I accidentally killed a pensioner. Oh, no. Come on. Long story short, not that short, but I'll try. He hasn't tried. It's really long.

When I lived in London, I was in a pub band with some older guys. We had a great time, but eventually I moved back up north and said bye-bye to the dive bars of the North London Circuit. Anyway, soon after the drummer was sadly diagnosed with ALS, horrible disease, and cognizant of his impending loss of function, rang me up and asked if I would come down south to do one last gig with the band. Naturally, I wanted to do this because he was a lovely guy and his diagnosis was a big blow.

The guitarist was an ex-policeman who now ran a retirement home in Finchley. And he said there was a guest room that wasn't being used and so I could sleep there and we'd go to the gig together. I decided to drive down on the Friday night straight from work, which would get me into London around 11pm. So my friend who ran the home told me the number of the spare room and said he'd leave the door unlocked and I should just go in when I arrived and put myself to bed

and we'd catch up the next morning. Now, I knew that these guest rooms were actually... Can this be true? Can this be true? If it ended in the way that it almost ended, I would have said it's bullshit. Okay, sorry, carry on. This is fine.

Now, I knew that these guest rooms were actually the rooms left by recently vacated residents passing away, but it didn't bother me much, at least not then. So late Friday night, I arrived at the retirement home, followed by my friend's instructions to the second floor. Actually, the rooms left by recently vacated residents passing away, but it didn't bother me much, at least not then. So late Friday night, I arrived at the retirement home, followed by my friend's instructions to the second floor. And I arrived in the room that he told me to go into. I tried the handle and sure enough, the door was open. I dropped my bags off, got a quick drink of water and got ready for bed. The room looked very lived in.

And I was a little bit worried that the recently deceased resident must have been very recently deceased because there were still family photos and cutlery and glasses in the dishwasher still i don't know how these things work this is reminding me of being locked in your house that time good lord and i there were no dead people in my house i'd like to make that very clear just five alive angry men um still i don't know how these things work and i'd be driving for six hours and i was now too tired to care. Having decided to call it a night, I went to the bedroom, filling around for a light switch,

eventually finding one. I saw my bed for the night before me. As I was about to lie down, I saw that the duvet was crumpled up and clearly had something beneath it. I was in my exhausted state, suddenly terrified that I had accidentally stumbled into the room of an elderly resident

who had died so recently the body hadn't been removed. Of course, logically, this doesn't really make any sense, but I was very tired and in extremely unfamiliar surroundings. Pause for a moment to consider what the hell was happening. The bed suddenly began to move and groan. I was rooted to the spot with terror and suddenly an old gentleman sat bolt upright in bed with a horrified look on his face. In my tired state, I didn't quite know what was happening, so I shouted in shock, prompting him to do the same thing. It became instantly chaotic, and I thought the best thing to do

was to clear out as quickly as possible. I tumbled out of the room, wondering what to do. My friend came running in the corridor, having heard the commotion, and apologizing profusely because he'd told me the wrong room number, and the room I'd effectively broken into was actually a man's room two doors down he told me to go to bed and he would explain everything to the old gentleman who slumber he had just been he had just rudely interrupted the next morning my friend told me with a sorrowful look on his face that the shock had sadly proved too much for the old gentleman's already fragile

heart and he had died overnight but not to blame myself. I was absolutely horrified of course and I didn't know what to do or think. This lasted maybe 15 minutes before my mate exploded into laughter and reassured me that he was just messing with me and the guy was fine. I met the man, apologised, he accepted and all

was well. I met the man and apologised. Sorry about that. Sorry about that. I'm glad you and apologised. Sorry about that. Sorry about that. I'm glad you're not dead. It could have been a lot worse. It could have been a lot worse. It could have been a hell of a lot worse, Luke. And then what happened was they found out that they were

holding the blanket under the wrong chandelier and it crashed to the floor. Oh, good Lord. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt there, because I mean, it's kind of it's kind of believable it is kind of believable um yeah but peter i um i've just realized we've run out of time who's the guy who um who we mad that in that was paul stavely thank you very much

for that paul and i i something to look forward to for monday when we come back is that i've got a really interesting story about broadband that I didn't even get time to talk to you about, Peter. And that's normally top of my list when it comes to this kind of stuff. People are going to be champing at the bit for that over the weekend slash week. We'll revisit that on Monday.

But until then, it is time to say goodbye. Good luck getting through lockdown. Do make sure you look after yourselves and each other, to paraphrase Jerry Springer. And we'll get through it together. And before we know it, it'll be spring and we'll all be happy again. But until then, we've got Luke and Pete

trying to get you through it. So leave us a review on Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts and subscribe to make sure you don't miss a show. I know that podcast hosts talk about that a lot and you probably zoned out of it or sounded yourself out of it by now but do do that because it's really important for us helps us a great deal um yeah have a great weekend uh by the way i just found out the godfather part two is on this saturday so that's what i'm going to be doing this

saturday night that's your weekend yeah and um and we'll speak to you next week say goodbye peter hasta la fuego and it's goodbye from me as well. This was a Stakhanov production and part of the ACAST Creative Network.