The Luke and Pete Show - A fox in flip flops

Episode Date: August 3, 2020

Another Monday, another installment of the Luke and Pete Show! In this episode we’re talking about mosquitos, 3D printed vitamins and fire poi. Also on today’s show, Luke reveals the time he offended Pete the most and Pete has an admission to make about the film Aliens. If that wasn’t enough to whet your appetite, there’s also an email from an anonymous listener about a dildo and a story about a fox with a passion for fashion.Get in involved at [e-mail]! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Luke and Pete show. It is a Monday. It is incredibly warm. I'm sweating and I'm joined by my good friend and compatriot and colleague and fuck buddy. I thought you were going to say notable sweater then. Notable sweater. Are you a sweaty man? Not really. No, I'm not. And I was going to pull you up on it. I'm not really.

I felt like Friday, let's be absolutely clear with everyone, including ourselves, Friday was too hot. Friday was disgusting, yeah. Yeah. I mean... I found Saturday quite naughty, I thought. I thought it was beyond the pill Saturday as well. Was that because you had a hangover?

It's because I had a hangover, no. I'm covered in mosquito bites. What's that about? Where did they come from? Do you find it interesting that some people just don't get them? It just doesn't bother some people? Apparently something to do with the blood. Or negative.

They're really attracted to no or negative. They find that particularly delicious yeah how do they know where how do they know where the thing i don't this is not said enough about mosquitoes how do they know exactly where to stick their little beaks in is it just blood everywhere in the body i suppose there is because every time you cut yourself you bleed don't you so i i always think of them as plunging into a actual vein or artery. Obviously, they're not doing that, are they? Clearly.

No, it's not like a watering hole. You'd think that they'd be very specific about it. No, it's always... So you could protect certain veins. You could have a little map, a protective map that was specific to your vein map, and you could protect yourself that way. Well, some kind of demilitarized zone for mosquitoes. Well, yeah, well, just kind of like buy some strawberry laces

and just spread them out along the level. And when the mosquito flies down, it starts to try and suck on what is, unfortunately, a strawberry lace. I think we should probably entertain the idea of just getting a certain human being that just simply isn't that important and putting them up as a sacrificial body blood bag dusk yeah like a human blood bag at dusk in the gardens all across suburban england and saying let's agree to disagree sit down with the king mosquito and say, tell your people that that's a yes. Everywhere else is a no-go zone.

Get Steve. Get Steve, for crying out loud. Steve's the one who has the best blood, so get involved. Are mosquito bites even that bad? When you've got about 20 of them, they're all itchy. They're all itchy. I need one of those like electrical like peas or um not motors what they call those little kind of things you find

in lighters to make the spark i need one of those things to spark i think if you apply a voltage across it it uh it distracts from the the itchiness and the itchiness goes away probably probably quackery but i've certainly seen enough of those pieces of machinery and boots to know that it seems to work. Most things are quackery these days, though, aren't they? It is, yeah. And they're usually served up to my Instagram. I've noticed that they're using a lot for a lot of the vitamin adverts.

They're using a lot of NHS staff or people in scrubs sort of going oh i drink this meal replacement thing because it's delicious and it helps me to you know get through 12 hours of saving lives etc and also there's one where i i'm a bit offended by it um where they basically have a specific kind of vitamin gel, like a vitamin gel kind of like cube that you eat. And you can select from like about 50 different vitamins. And apparently they 3D print a specific, like, you know, design just for you, little vitamin. But I don't believe that they do 3D print it.

Is your Instagram in the future? Well, it's just like a little vitamin. But I don't believe that they do 3D print it. Is your Instagram in the future? Well, it's just like a 3D. They say it's a 3D printed, which I basically just think they mean they just stick the different flavors together. Yeah, and they're packaged up and they've got your name on it. And yeah, and you go,

this is all made for me because I am iron deficient. What they said there, Donny, is they've said, if we just talk about the recipe for this, he's not going to buy it. If we talk about it being, but if we talk about being 3D printed, he's all in. So let's just call it that and see what happens. How do you even 3D, can you 3D print food? That's not even possible, is it?

Yeah, you can 3D print food, but I would say that. Can you, but how though? You need the ingredients. What do you mean? Yeah, well, they've've got the ingredients what do you mean you need ingredients well what i mean is and this may show me up as being a horrendous luddite again is that if you're 3d printing say a i don't know a gun but it's made presumably it's made of some kind of reinforced plastic material. Plastic, yeah. That they have.

So how do you 3D print a bit of food? Because it's got to be made by nutrients and substances that are suitable for eating and all the rest of it. It doesn't make any sense. Well, how do you make a gingerbread house? You get a lot of gingerbread and you let it dry in slabs. Is that the first piece of food you thought of? Well, I'm just trying to think,

what could you kind of 3D print really, really easily? I'm thinking gingerbread houses. Why are we not having 3D gingerbread houses? Instead of a nozzle that melts plastic, have the nozzle just dispensing soft gingerbread and have like a warm light on top of it that instantly cooks it as it, it instantly cooks every little second of it.

If you think about it, when you get battered fish from the fish and chip shop, it's 3D battered, isn't it? Because you have to drop it in and it stays there and that kind of suspended animation in the fat, then you take it out. It's almost like being 3D printed with batter. It is, but if you made something with a 3D printer that looked like a half lot, you'd be like, what the fuck is that? Something's gone very wrong there.

By the way, speaking of technology and everything, so every so often, something will come up in conversation with my lovely wife, and it'll revolve around a film, and she won't have seen it. And you know how tedious I am, Pete, about stuff. I'll be like, I can't believe you haven't seen that and um and the the stars aligned on saturday to where we were talking about the film aliens right yeah i can't remember why why are we talking about the film aliens i can't remember it doesn't matter and um mimi was like i haven't seen aliens and i was like oh my god it's like my favorite film when I was a kid.

And so we watched it together on Saturday because we had a couple of spare hours. And she loved it. And obviously, I really enjoyed watching it again. And it stood up really well. But one thing that is amazing, we've talked about this before, but I would recommend a revisit of the film, Pete, if you haven't watched it recently, because I think it was made in 1986. And the 1986 idea of what the future would be like is just amazing.

It's so cool. It's the coolest thing. A lot of green screens. A lot of computers just seem to be still CRT. The plasma screen was never invented. It seems like all of the… Everything's really chunky still. Everything's a bit chunky.

Everything's still got that kind of almost industrial kind of... Oh, yeah, very industrial. But, Pete, a great example would be, you know, these days modern weaponry in warfare, even in 2020, is frighteningly good, right? It's drone warfare. It's kind of... It's all done as well with cyberterrorism, it's kind of it's all done um as well with like um

cyber terrorism all that kind of stuff right i know you hate the word cyber but you know what i mean anyway the idea in aliens of how you know a gun is futuristic it's been it's got a little led counter on the side that tell me how many bullets you got left yes like quiz a laser yes how cool is that so you've got this crack group of colonial marines in the year 2150 or something they're hyper sleeping for years to distant planets how do you know how many bullets you got left there's a little led display on the side look on the side why are you still using bullets it's not even a laser gun well it's also it's not a laser gun it's just no it's just bullets, so they could open up their little cartridge and count how many bullets they've got.

It's a pulse rifle. They're still reloading it with a magazine, mate. Right. It's just great, though. I'm not criticising it. I love it. I thought the pulse rifle would still be firing out some kind of electromagnetic material.

Possibly, but as far as I understand it, it isn't. And also, the kind of drop ship they use to get from the big space shuttle down to the planet it opens up two big wings and then another two big wings and both the second set of wings i've got like 16 80s missiles on them how cool is that it's just just great. It's great. It's probably a terrible time to tell you that I've also not seen aliens. Right. Tune in on Thursday for the next episode of Luke and Pete Show because that is the straw

that broke the camel's back. I think you're going to have to watch it before we record next, mate. Yeah. It's on Amazon Prime for free. Yeah, but look, we're all busy at the moment. I don't know how I could get away with going to my loved ones. I'm sorry I can't meet you for a little bit of food or a beer. I'm watching Aliens because apparently it's important.

Well, don't do that. Lie, obviously. Okay, sorry. Yeah, just so you're working. I forgot about lying. I'm not doing a lie. Hey, I may be pockmarked with a ridiculous amount of bites and whatnot.

Really adds to my overall sort of homeless look. But you would not believe what I saw at the weekend. I was in a street where a man was doing what can only be described as my most hated thing to do. Basically, poi,

fire poi. Oh, you don't want it. You don't want it. You don't want it. You hate to see it and the best thing happened. He was swigging his fire poi around

and he fucked it and it smashed on the ground. Yes. And the top came off and the fire was out and he just looked really stupid. I was like, ha ha! I think the most offended you've ever been

is when I said to someone, like a mutual friend or whatever, or someone that I knew and you didn't, I said that you did fire poi and you got really pissed off knew you didn't i said that you you did fire poi and you got really pissed off you won't remember it but you got really pissed off and i think i might have accused you of enjoying fire poi on this show before as well i i regret that because it's an insult that that is just the most serious insult you can imagine i didn't even like fire poi when i went to glastonbury for the first time in 1998 or whenever it was

I thought it was shit then and imagine how impressionable I was then well it's just like kind of like a I don't know what you call it but it's a fire poi but it's like a stick

like a hard stick that they do like a big baton a big not like a Diablo with the string where you throw the little spinning thing up and down

no not that or not the fire poi on strings it was like a big long kind of like a twirling baton. Where did you see this? Where were you?

I was just in like a street in London. What? That's so strange. Why is he doing it? Was it a white man with dreadlocks? It was a white man.

He didn't have dreadlocks. Yeah. He looked like, he just smelled of petrol because obviously he just smells of petrol. I found a funny story on the BBC website this weekend. It was amazing.

It's a story of a fox in Berlin. It's an urban fox in Berlin. I'm not sure what area of Berlin. But had been stealing flip-flops right so he would go to the local campsite or beach bit or swim well i don't know exactly what it was but basically he he was going into people's gardens i suppose and stealing flip-flops that have been left out right okay and the reason that um this fox got caught is because there was a man who got so pissed off with shoes going missing that he kind of got into it and followed the fox back to his little den and found all these shoes, right? So anyway, he does that.

He goes back and one night he sees this fox with two flip-flops in its mouth. So he follows the fox, right? And he gets back and sees with two flip-flops in its mouth. So he follows the fox, right? And he gets back and sees all these flip-flops. I mean, I'll tell you what, This American Life will do a series about this at some point. But the best bit about the whole story is that he goes back to the fox's den, thinks, right, brilliant, I've solved the mystery, found it, found all these shoes, goes through over a hundred different shoes including running shoes

flip-flops slippers all sorts of stuff and his own shoe isn't in the pile so it's another fox or he's just lost it it's just not there it's just not there so he thinks he's now the guy but what he's actually done is incorrectly accused of Fox with, admittedly, a mountain of circumstantial evidence, but he is not guilty of that specific crime. Yeah, it's a bit like the Maddie investigation, isn't it? They found that a lot of problematic men were in the area. Yeah.

So, obviously, they were... Problematic men? Problematic men were in the area at the time, so obviously their inquiries went in a certain way. But this guy, I think he's... He's got the Fox Bank the rights. He's the local shoe thief. Why

do the Fox need them? What I do know is that this Fox is going down for a long time, but this man will not have closure. He will not have closure. Oh, no. But interestingly enough, in the in the article that said um that um it linked to another article with a load of um biologists kind of researchers who have said that um there's clear evidence that urban foxes are becoming more and more like domestic dogs and what's happening might be the same thing that happened thousands of years ago and how wolves became dogs they would come closer and closer to camp they start to build up a kind of symbiotic um relationship it would work for both

parties this might be what's happening with foxes nowadays obviously most people kind of hate foxes don't they which i think is unfair unfair. So you could see a repeat of that. So maybe in 10,000 years' time, people might have domestic foxes, not dogs. That'd be nice, I think. But I would very much like to see the foxes wearing

all of the shoes that they've stolen, though. Yeah, all at the same time. That would be fun. I think that would be a bit of fun. Could a fox's toes even get between the little bit needed for a flip-flop? Probably not. Probably not, no. You'd probably be able to fit, yeah. There'd need to be some modifications made

to the flip-flop. In the absolute, not there in a while, in the Scarlet Studio... Their choice. There was a tiny pair of ladies' um jewels breach talking like no we're not talking jules breach size we're not talking kate mason size we are talking like three centimeters wide like three centimeters big they were the tiny little shoes well i don't know where they come

from shoes yeah like off it Yeah, like off a toy. It's a sort of like, if you bought a fighting figurine of the Queen, that's the kind of shoes she'd be wearing. Right.

And I've no idea why they exist. Whereabouts were they? Just in the office, just on the side near the alcohol gel. Maybe a tiny woman took her shoes off to alcohol gel her feet. I don't know. It's weird.

Again, This American Life will do a series on it. I am going to be investigating. Yeah, you should. I also read this weekend that doing one hour of slow breathing a day can quite literally change your life. There are as many different ways of breathing as there are eating, apparently. There are as many different ways of breathing as there are eating.

So you can eat really fast, you can eat really slow, you can chew loads, you can not chew, you can swallow things whole. Apparently breathing, if people spent more time focusing on their breathing and not taking it for granted, it's like an automatic function, they might be little a lot happier i don't know why it's dangerously close to fire poi for me i admit but uh i read it this weekend and i wondered if it would help because you you are someone who famously has asthma so maybe it will help you well as an asthmatic i'm i'm

painfully aware of what my lung is doing lung one of. One of my many lungs. I've got three like a cow. No, they're stomachs, not lungs. Yes, yes, that was my little joke. Oh, I get it. That was my little joke. I can't get your jokes when I can't see the whites of your yellowing eyes. They are getting yellow. I just want to lie down.

It's at Mondays, man. Oh, by the way, how's your neck? How's your neck? Neck's better, yeah. Neck's better because the only time we've ever missed a show was because my neck just exploded. Is it completely better now? Yeah, it doesn't hurt anymore, so that's good. That's a good thing. I just want to get over this. I just want everything to get's a good thing i just i just want to get

over this i just want everything good to get back to normal luke i just want to buy uh calippo and take i mean you can do that anyway i want to buy calippo and i want to drink a beer in a pub and not have to worry about everything all of the time i want everything back to normal uh it's not going to happen for a long time, but I'm just thoroughly sick. Would you say that you are the real victim of this whole pandemic? Yes. Yes, I would. And on that note,

we should take a break and come back while people can compose themselves and then read some emails. All right, then. And we're back on the Luke and Pete show. If you would like to get in touch with the show, it's really simple. Hello at Luke and Pete show dot com. We've had a great we've had a great email come in.

And I'm going to be so careful with this one because there are so many notes at the top of this email saying, please don't read all of the email address. Please do refer to me as T. The potentially embarrassing reasons may become obvious later. So T, thank you for your email. I'm not going to read your email address. I don't think I've ever read anyone's email address. No, who wouldn't do that anyway? That would be a bit on the bill.

GDPR, isn't it? We're GDPR. Yes. Hi, Luke and Pete from Anonymous, or T. Long-time listener, first-time emailer, coming from a British guy who lives and works in China. Thanks for supplying me with so many half-researched facts over the years, which I half remember,

and regularly spout out without a second's thought. Who needs context or a legitimate source in 2020 anyway? The main reason I'm emailing today is in regards to the show finishing question of worst things found in your dad's drawer. I'm slightly ashamed that after all of my... Holy moly. I'm slightly ashamed that after all my hours of listening, this is the first thing I feel as though as I can contribute towards,

but I will power on anyway. Good 15 years ago in my mid-teens, I decided I was going to have a rummage around in my dad's drawer to have a flick through some old photo albums after spending a good 10 minutes uh realizing that photo albums are actually quite boring and that seeing pictures of a nine-year-old version of myself standing on a beach in Corfu is pointless I was ready to retreat back to the tv however just as I was placing the photograph album back in the drawer, I noticed a plastic bag folded in an odd shape.

Hmm. Being the curious person I am, I instantly reached for it and unraveled the bag. To my absolute horror, I was sitting on my dad's bedroom floor grasping a huge, dark, brown dildo. When I say huge, my mid-teen self would have approximated this

to have been about 12 inches. More than enough, one would argue. Now, most people's first thought would be shocking enough. I assume it would go along the lines of, oh, my God, which member of the household does this belong to? However, my parents had been divorced at this point for many years and my father hadn't been seen anyone since uh and it wasn't mine the kind of thoughts you get at that moment are enough to scar the mind

of a 15 year old boy you would think all of this self-inflicted torture would be bad enough but no i could still make the scenario worse about two weeks ago after two weeks after rather i could no longer keep this to myself for some reason i couldn't get the shock out my system so i decided to bring a friend in in on the scenario i'll never do that that is a textbook thing a 15 year old boy would do and that is the worst idea you could think of never do it um yeah uh march my good friend with the the quite appropriate nickname of beaver into my dad's room and revealed my dad's secret instead of the shock and amazement that I'd previously reacted with, he fell to the floor in fits of laughter.

I tried to explain my feelings, but the laughter would not stop. And that's why you don't invite him. That is why you don't invite him there. Luckily, this made my 15-year-old self try and look at the funny side, so I joined in. Rolling a few months, my dad, a local cricket coach, now secretly known as DD, short for Dildo Dad, was not quite as funny to me.

However, years later, the anecdote lives on, but I'm happy to say he still has no awareness of the event, and I'm sure his ignorance is living in bliss. The only way I could foresee Dildo's dad's massive secret ever being fully exposed, if Pete Bluttuts out my full name from the email address, especially as my father and I share the exact same first and second names. Thanks for your wonderful shows, and I hope that I have something more insightful in future topics,

although my 2.2 BA honours degree in English language may suggest I cannot be seen as an expert in many fields. Thanks to Luke and the Pete. I've managed to climb through that Dildo minefield without exposing him. Yeah, you did. You did well. I think realistically, T, you're going to need to find, because our listeners will demand this.

I mean, this is not really the end of the story, is it? This is the start of a story. And I think realistically, you are going to need to find some way of approaching your dad about this and telling us what he says. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, it's a tough assignment,

but you started it, mate. Yeah. Yeah. It's not, it's, it's, it's,

it's, it's, it's, it's not too bad. It's, it's, it's, it's problematic,

but look, it's, it could have just been a present, like a junk present or something. Yeah. I was wondering whether he was going to say that a fox stole it and they had to go and get it back. And there was a hundred dildos

in the fox's collection, but it wasn't there. And by the way, I think T should stay in touch on this. I can't envisage a situation where we just leave that one there. And it's on you, T, so you're going to have to get back in touch on it. I've got an email here from Andy who says, and it's talking about the thing we talked about last week, Peter,

around pot noodles and cheese. Right, okay, cool. He said, I've been catching up on recent episodes um while undergoing my two-week mandatory quarantine in south korea i firstly wanted to say thank you for helping to keep me entertained during this strange time i was coincidentally listening to the chat about peach pot noodle innovations while making a similar dish myself now for those who don't remember or haven't heard last week's episode i was chastising pete um for putting cheese coleslaw in a chicken and mushroom pot noodle pete uh correct yes yeah

and i said that that wasn't really acceptable first of all i don't think eating a pot noodle is acceptable but uh adding cheese coleslaw to it makes it you know even less acceptable that was just my opinion it's you know it's not right or wrong just how i feel about it but andy says he was preparing a similar dish himself and he feels that pete might be onto something because apparently in korea instant noodles are often improved by the addition of asian style fish cake or cracking and stirring an egg in to thicken the broth and then finishing off with a slice of processed cheese i'm aware this sounds like an incredibly bleak meal, but believe it or not, it's actually delicious, if still very much a guilty pleasure.

Keep up the good work, and thanks again, Andy. So, Pete, how do you react to that? I'm enjoying it. I think we are very closeted and very sort of simplistic views about what constitutes a pot noodle we're very used to just soy sauce packet maybe in a bomb by bad boy a bit of curry sauce but elsewhere you might have like you might have like a like a a freeze-dried chicken katsu slice you might have all kinds of crazy mustards and oils

and things like that that just elevate the ramen above the normal. So, yeah, play with it. Put an egg in it. Put an egg in it. I don't think you can call the noodles in a pot noodle ramen, can you? Well, it's a similar sort of makeup, isn't it?

Because dried ramen, that's how people make ramen most of the time. Do you know what I used to bloody love? I used to bloody love super noodles. Yeah. Why were they so super? They just had a lot of MSG in them, surely. Quick, aggressive, sweet and sour, frequently sweet and sour flavoured.

I used to nail down, absolutely nail super noodle chicken flavours. And I also used to nail something that Laura Kirk on Revisiting, one of her other shows, talks about quite a lot, those pasta and sauce packets. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you'd put them in a pan. I think, from memory, I think you'd put them in a pan

with like a bit of milk and butter. Right. That was delicious to like 14-year-old me because my parents both had jobs, so I used to have to go home, let myself in. And yeah, and basically just cook whatever. And it always used to be like Finder's crispy pancakes or pasta and sauce

or super noodles or something like that. And obviously that only happened a few times a week, to be fair. And I think my parents wouldn't have liked me eating that stuff quite so regularly. But I've got a huge amount of affection for super noodles, particularly when you get into university years as well, where you just bang them in the pan when you've had a few beers. They're about 50p each as well, which is a bonus.

Get yourself down the Chinese or the Korean or the... You get the ones with like... You get ones that are like these thick kind of pasta sausages that are very big. Youngbuk? No, probably not Youngbuk, but these sort of thick pasta sausages that are very big. Youngbook? No, probably not Youngbook, but these sort of thick pasta sausages in a really hot spicy sauce. Definitely recommend.

Definitely recommend. You just put them in a pan, put a bit of hot water in them, put the sauce packet on top. Beautiful. Lovely. I've got one more email, Pete, before we chip off. It's about Nintendo. A load of people have got in touch saying don't bother playing golden eye anymore because it's rubbish which

is really depressing to read and you said that yourself last week it sounds like you're absolutely right so i might leave that one there um but um haytham's been in touch says hi guys following on from the mario 64 chat on thursday show i just wanted wanted to make Luke aware that you can download a Super Nintendo SNES emulator complete with games from the Nintendo Switch Store completely free. Oh, apparently. Wow. It's hidden away under the free-to-play games. When you download it, you get Super Mario World, Legend of Zelda A Link to the Past, Star Fox, Kirby,

Donkey Kong, and loads more. There's also some football and wrestling games to keep you busy Pete as well lovely old job, most games are also two player so you and your wife can enjoy says Haytham, great heads up that, thank you very much for getting in touch, I might try that later today but at the time I

was kind of hankering after some N64 action, Super Nintendo action though is also great so maybe I'll give that a bash fantastic, well look the thing that the problem i have with like golden eye is the control system so if you're playing it on anything other than the original device i would say don't bother at all but yeah the original n64 controllers are pretty iconic weren't they yeah yeah and then the wave

bird on the old gamecube beautiful uh there was was also, I think I was talking about the Nintendo ROM leak earlier on, well, the last show effectively. That's why we had that horrible, no, Mario noise. Apparently, one of the big games that was cancelled but released in this ROM leak, an unfinished game, was a uh a japanese role-playing game based around being a hockey manager it's like an emotional look at being a hockey manager very enjoyable would you have you got your feet wet on that one or not no no it

looks very confusing and uh presumably it's all in japanese so probably not gonna bother i used to always play nhlpa hockey 96 on the um super nintendo it's wicked det Japanese, so probably not going to bother. I used to always play NHLPA Hockey 96 on the Super Nintendo. It was wicked. Detroit Red Wings were the team then, man. They had so many good players. It was brilliant. Yeah. Well, fair days.

Well, that's the video game review of the week. But, Pete, to be honest, the reason I liked it is because it was just basically like playing a top-down, vertical, five-a-side game with sticks. Yes. Where you could Hit people. Would you at any point, punching happens?

Oh yeah, because you'd have to fight. The referee would call a fight and you could get involved in a little kind of impromptu boxing match as well. Yeah, yeah. Lovely. Enjoyable. On that note,

we should get out of here, Donny. Let's get the frick out of here. We'll speak to you on Thursday if that's all right with you. Yeah, back on Thursday for loads more of your stories, loads more of what we've been up to.

Keep it locked on Luke and Pete. If you love the show, tell your friends, leave us a review wherever you get your pods as well. It helps us a great deal. Thank you very much for your company as ever.

Hope you have a great rest of your Monday and a great rest of the week and we'll be back on Thursday. Say goodbye Peter. Goodbye dear Lord Addies. And it's goodbye from me as well. This was a Stakhanov production.