The Luke and Pete Show - A lot of rich holiday food

Episode Date: June 12, 2023

You wanted another awful slice of Donaldson domesticity, and we've once again managed to talk round the one person who can give us a peek into what it's like to go on holiday with Pete. Turns out he makes poor food choices. All the time. Want to get in touch with the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow.We're also now on Tiktok! Follow us @thelukeandpeteshow. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

it's monday the 12th of june i'm pete donaldson uh and i'm joined by sarah jane champion hello is that how we're starting the show that's how we're starting the show in that really bretting manner yeah yeah yeah well i mean this room is very um well uh even if i say so myself uh soundproofed but um not if you sit on the floor. I can really hear the echo of the room when you sit on the floor. I can't be bothered honestly. This is very much we've driven from Cornwall

today and we're tired and certain administrative failures have meant that I'm back! Sarah's back! And look, it's what the people i am reliably informed i haven't looked at the emails myself but i am reliably informed that the people wanted uh sarah champion back on the show because they had more questions uh i'm sure i mean they're

mainly they don't start with why they always start with why a They all start with why, a lot of questions. Why? Just why. Just why. But we're fresh from, if you can hear a dog barking, it's because we've got a dog and he's mental. I've just arrived back from a cornwall after a little break. And very nice. Two thumbs up on cornwall. It was gorgeous.

We picked exactly the right week to go weather-wise, and it was stunning sunshine every day, and I love that part of the world it is. And Cheddar Gorge was a bit of a revelation, wasn't it? Well, we were sort of like near it, and it said Cheddar Gorge. I've never been to Cheddar Gorge. I don't really know what it is. And then we went there, and it's like a bit of California or something. It's like the coastal roads of California.

It's like if you needed to film like a bit of a, I don't know, a Stephen King adaptation or something. Why did that spring to mind? Because Stephen Kings are always like massive sequoias and redwoods and like just big trees. It's like beautiful but mildly terrifying. Yeah, vast expanses, cars that can kill you. Is that Christineine is that

christine is that about to kill a car yeah it is how does it manifest itself because that sounds like he's very celebrated but i don't know how you wouldn't make that sound shit um i i feel like eight people but that might i may remember that wrong i may remember that wrong yeah okay um any by the way i i do know that cheddar gorge isn't in cornwall it's very much on the way but I may remember that wrong. I may remember that wrong. Yeah. Okay. By the way, I do know that Cheddar Gorge isn't in Cornwall. It's very much on the way, but we did do a stopover, didn't we? Shut your eye, everyone. Who would give a... Okay, well, it was lovely.

But we are tired, and that is chiefly because, although the planning of the holiday was mostly me, and I'll take credit for it, because I think we stayed in some lovely places. We did. you're very good at that sort of thing almost constantly on the move and um i think there's a very primal thing that kicks in when you're sleeping in a new place that you sleep with one eye open because you know that you're in a strange place and therefore there is danger yeah um so yeah we both didn't sleep very well and had kind of mad dreams.

You were the drummer in McFly last night. I did, I did. You know, whenever I sleep in a new place, I mean, if I'm on holiday, I'm usually eating and drinking stranger, exotic, greasier things than usual. So one might say that I have three eyes open, two in my head

and one in my trousers and uh very much um stink the place up with my um honking but um but last night was that and also um just really lucid dreams about um having to um yeah perform as the drummer for mcfly they had a foursong set at some kind of promotional radio gig. And for some reason, they'd pushed the drummer's seat and drum kit right to the front of the stage. And they insisted on me being the new drummer. No payment was discussed. I thought, personally, for me, it would be great for my profile if I was the drummer in McFly for one gig only. How well do you know their repertoire?

I don't know any of them, to be honest. In the dream, I'm on my phone trying to listen to McFly songs and how to play them. Yeah, it's not something I'd ever thought I'd be drafted into, but I mean, mainly because I can't actually drum. I'd be drafted into but I mean mainly because I can't actually drum but um and and why they'd chosen that gig to make a real feature of the drummer I do not know but um I'm I'm hoping uh in my next dream it all goes very well I'm sure it will yeah I mean another reason and again this is something that Luke and Pete show listeners will not be privy to you are a prolific sleep talker and sleep giggler yeah and just the thing is when you wake me up with your sleep talking it will seem like you want to speak to me urgently yeah so i'll kind of wake up a few things about my chest what what's

that what's happened and you'll be just and it will just be nonsense like more so than usual it will just be nonsense words but spoken in a very earnest way like you need an answer so I'll be like oh and then I'll be halfway through trying to respond until I realise that you're sound asleep yeah

but it sounds like I'm asking some great questions some searching questions maybe you could take some of those questions to Isle of Wight Festival this weekend and ask some of the guests if you think the wall's moving. There's a lot of, oh yeah, yeah, that was one. There's a lot of giggling that goes on. So you're a happy chap in your dreams, I would say.

There's no screaming. There's nothing too alarming. That drummer seems really happy. But didn't you say Jim from the Football Ramble said that you woke him up making geordie robot noises yeah i was beeping i was going like i was um i needed a hard reset so uh yeah so he's experienced a little bit of my world yeah but between you and sammy our puppy who did a sleep about 2 a.m this morning that was the most welcome noise that's come out of that dog's mouth this week because he just will not whenever we go for food or to do anything it's a bark bark this and

a bark back that and when you're at dinner and there are certain like like nice restaurants that allow dogs which is demented in my opinion and we rock up and we order our tomahawk steak or you know french uh dish and he just starts going at it why aren't i getting fed why are you eating and i'm not eating and i just i just don't know why i just don't know why they allow us to do it and with a baby people sort of go where's a baby you know it's it's hard but with a if you're bringing a dog to the party i genuinely believe people go you had an option there like you could have left it at home we couldn't have left it because he barks at home as well we are absolutely just a baby dog he's just a baby dog he's just a baby dog he's a lovely lad while we're on the food option um uh food you you

did uh you did panic order didn't you right and I think that's where the trouble started oh my god yeah it's because we went to a place for some cream tea because when you're down in Cornwall you've got to have a cream tea haven't you yeah you've got cider you've got to do your cream tea

business Cornish bingo put the cream right on the right in the right order and people get very upset if you don't do it. Rah, rah, rah. And yeah, but at the time I was going, I'm kind of a bit hungrier than that. So what I'll do is I'll get like a side dish for my cream tea, which will be a fish cake

with sweet chilli sauce on it. And I think it's the first time I've ever eaten, because I eat challenging things at the best times i do not mind you know i believe the japanese call it omakase just ask the chef what he likes it's kind of vibe so i'll have a crack at anything but but that was too much my stomach and my stomach i was just i was just puking i was just like i just i had to go to bed i had to go to bed i got a headache i had to go to bed i said sarah we we need to stop this leisurely walk over this heath and i and i need to go to bed because and i did go to sleep for two hours because i was just

so done in by this fish cake but i am not learning from my mistakes because i've very much got an idea in my head that um the following combination would be delicious i was having a stroopwafel in the car i've not looked after myself this week um you know one of those like stroopwafels as belgian stroopwafels those tight uh kind of very fondanty stroopwafels you get in service stations belgian waffles and they're like you know a couple of quid or whatever and they're just like really small and and gooey and you, I think you're supposed to put them on the top of your cup of tea and it melts. And, you know, you eat it and it's delicious. I think one of those folded up, dipped in, you know, the chip shop gravy that you get.

Not the chip shop curry, because that would have fish in it. And I think that would be too much. Can we stop? Honestly, like just briefly going back to the fish cake when i was about six years old there was a kid at my school called david sharp who hated the smell of fish cake right and when my friend defa kuma ordered a fish cake just in front of me in the queue he projectile vomited not on the fish cake so whenever i hear fish cake right it makes me feel unwell and the fact that you put fish cake into our lives yeah with the

cream tea which doesn't go so i'm gonna say no to your stroopwafel and gravy because you're not a man who necessarily i mean you have the idea but i just think the stroopwafel is too sweet for the gravy like if it was just a normal waffle then then you're kind of into Yorkshire pudding and gravy territory. And then I'm in. But street waffles are already covered in syrup. But I think the waffle itself is quite salty. And the caramel in between is quite sweet. So I think just a little bit more salt, a little bit more gravy.

Some lovely sort of malty rich gravy. I mean, do you want to try this live from the chip shop yeah i think next time i'm gonna get in last minute again i'm gonna get some some chip shop gravy and i'm gonna dip a service station stroopwafel in it and we're all gonna know that i am the best and that's how our restaurant business begins just stroopwafel gravy it shouldn't work but it does and i will look forward to your little two-hour lie down that you need after. Disgusting.

Disgusting. But we are back, and it is the Luke and Pete show. And we've still got some questions, Sarah, lying around. Okay. Contritis that we've not piled in with on the Luke and Pete show. Because last time you were on, some people did send in email, tweet, some questions to you. Laurie says, what's the best thing about living with Pete?

Always a full freezer. I thought we did answer this one. There was never a dull moment, is what I said. Does it DIY scare you? Did you do that? I can't remember now. Yeah, because I think we ended up talking about the time you nailed a table to the floor. Oh, right yes that's true yeah yeah um do you find

chocolate or bread in the street or is that just a p thing like like you know like how dogs are allergic to chocolate and around easter time i sort of said that like kids because there's a school around the corner they just seem to leave a lot of chocolate on the floor around Easter time. And dogs will go for it. And there was an entire chocolate bar in a flower pot outside one of the Airbnbs we'd rented, which Sammy went straight in for. Yeah. What's that about? Why are people just leaving chocolate?

Eat your chocolate. In flower pots. In flower pots. Yeah. I just think because it looks like poo, and dogs want to eat it, you know, and dogs want to eat poo as well. I mean, like Sarah's got a real poncho

for eating horse poo at the moment. Clip that. Sammy has got a real poncho for eating horse poo at the moment, which... Yeah, that was on our way back in the New Forest, wasn't it? He suddenly decided that they look like delicious. Well, Nick's come in with something that I think we just dealt with,

what's the strangest thing you've caught Pete eating? I would say the cream tea and fish cakes probably up there. I mean, it's probably not even top ten, but carry on. Gemma says, how many of his cables, leads or electronic stuff have you thrown out without him noticing? I have learnt my lesson not to throw anything out. Right.

But I will move your things. You put it next to the bin quite a lot. Yeah, you move everything until I can't find it and I have to buy it again. Therefore, meaning that the house has two of the thing that you wanted to throw out in the first place. So you need to learn your lesson on that. you wanted to throw out in the first place. So you need to learn your lesson on that. I've noticed the excellent toilet plunger that I bought keeps finding itself to the back of the bin in the kitchen.

And I have no idea why you want to get rid of this toilet. It's when we've had guests over. Right. It's just, it's an eyesore. You want to pretend that it's when we've had guests over right it's just it's um it's an eyesore you want to pretend that that it's not our house isn't livable or we've never been so gorgeous to fire fragments of shit up at you but i don't even know where you would have got that from i bought three different plungers before i settled on this glorious bit of tech. And it's got a nose that goes right up the U-bend. Fine.

And you squish it. And you basically use water. It doesn't need to be on show. You use water pressure to fire water at the offending toilet roll. I understand. Human shit. Action man toy. And no one needs to be thinking of that when they go to the toilet.

They don't need to be thinking about. But they just want to know that the pipes. You have to plunge some monstrosity that's occurred after a Stroopwafel. to the toilet. They don't need to be thinking about... But they just want to know that the pipes... They just want to know some monstrosity that's occurred after a Stroopwafel. If they've been eating Stroopwafels and gravy and they need to be sick and to

do a poo at the same time, they need to know that the facilities are up to standard and up to code. And they are cause they're clean because I've, I've fired, um, toilet water at,

I, it was the kids at Christmas. I don't know what they'd been doing. They'd used too much toilet roll or they'd done too many poos or whatever. Uh, my, my, my niece,

my two nieces. And, um, suddenly the toilet was blocked. So I had to buy on that weird space between christmas new year find the best toilet plunger around and i did and i'm glad if anyone needs help in finding i'll find what model it is if you want i mean it was it was literally i bought i bought three i went to wicks three times to buy different ones, and none of them were any good.

Hang on. Orders. Return orders. Search all orders. Toilet. So this will all be stuff I bought for the toilet. There we go. Luigi's, the world's best toilet plunger.

The big blue and green unblocking machine. It's great that it works. I just don't think that it needs to be on display. Yeah. Look at that. It's great that it works. I just don't think that it needs to be on display. Yeah. It's huge. Yeah, it's absolutely. It looks almost medical slash sexy, doesn't it? It looks like, it looks a little bit, it looks a little bit sexual.

It's got 4.2 ratings, 42,000 people. Gabby says, did it work? Yes. Was it hassle free? No. Oh, someone's got human shit all up the wall. Brilliant. So, yeah. Oh, someone's got human shit all up the wall. Brilliant. So, yeah.

So, it's good stuff. So, look, that's the one I, that's why, yeah. The Keaton Unblocking Any Toilet is a plunger that makes a 100% seal in the pan. So, yeah, that guy's not very happy with it. But I guarantee that if you need to unblock your toilet, Luigi's the best, the world's best toilet plunger. It is expensive. It is £19.99

and it is available on Amazon. And no, we don't have an affiliate. You have to sponsorship by Wix. I just want Smithy to notice me, senpai. Have you had anything to do, says Sam, have you had anything to do with Pete's recent discovery that drinking water is beneficial?

Have I had anything to do with that? Yeah, have you helped me? Have you said, drink my water, you you dry calcified worm have i i don't think i have i mean i drink a fair amount of water but i don't know that i necessarily you i mean you you do drink a lot of water and just leave glasses around i do that is what that is the only thing i can get her on honestly is that she leaves glasses like in every room in every conceivable place there'll be a collection of about five in each room yeah whereas the grot i leave like just pants and dirty old cups and and i leave the worst stuff around but yeah the one thing that gets said around is that

she's she's always well hydrated there's always glasses all around the house and now you're going around drinking all that delicious water yeah i'm like'm like, oh, she's going to finish that. I'm on the raid. I'm on the raid. Matthew, what's the strangest present Pete's ever bought you? I'm sure there's been a few. Oh, I should have. Strangest present.

Sarah's not a great receiver of strange presents. I'll give her that. She will. She will. strange presents i'll give her that she will she will if if i've gone off the reservation she will she will demand to send it back so for instance um he bought a life-size cardboard cutout of me yeah which talks a lot of sense that girl i don't i mean i don't know what my reaction to that was yeah it's now in your um yeah cabin yeah it's been put together sarah thinks she sarah thinks by putting in the cabin has uh you know uh helped the the general kind of

ambience of the home not having a carver cut out of herself but I'd say it's improved our relationship massively the things I shout at that thing the things I scream I mean it is wearing a mask I put a funny mask on it yeah that's got to be up there

that's probably up there what's your favourite battery asks Ryan your favourite battery asks Ryan my favourite battery hmm you know those little circular ones that you used to get

in the old oh the ones the kids eat the ones the kids eat I did a I did not I don't know what

you're laughing at get out get out that's not staying in see what it didn't I did not... I don't know what you're laughing at. Get out. Get out. That's not staying in. See, what? It didn't stay in. I was repositioning myself and I've been eating a lot of greasy food this week.

It's just not... Can I crack open a window? Maybe. Is that all right? No no because they will be here be here outside you've been blaming something right get back right get back in watching i'll put it at the end what is the pete's buffed off why is your favorite battery stop stop mentioning it stop mentioning it. Stop mentioning it later in the show because I'll have to retcon it.

Leave it in. We both know no one's going to edit this. No, it's down to me this time. What is your favourite battery? So the little babas you put in here. The little round ones you used to put in the old kids games. You know what I mean? What kids games

would run on a tiny back? Oh, the little gaming watches. Yeah, the little round ones. Gaming watches, yes. They're so expensive now. Are they? If you had like a primo one,

we should go around like your mum and dad's house because you've still got like your bedrooms kind of in, like has it got all your old toys in there and stuff?

Might have. It might have the old Benetton. Do you remember those? Yeah, they're not worth anything. Oh, that's a shame. But stuff like Game & Watches, if they're in good condition, they're £100. No.

I'm sure if you let Daddy Frank know that, he will be straight on eBay. I think most things I've sort of pointed out in his house, he's went, yeah, I did look in to see if that was worth anything. But there must be stuff in Daddy Frank's house that... Although he wasn't interested in selling that West Ham shirt, even though I think

he'd get a fair whack for it, because it's a 1991 football shirt. Oh, you bought a 1991 shirt? Yeah, it was my brother's old shirt from when he was a kid. Right, okay. The AC windows. That's over £100 on eBay. But I think he wants to keep that for

sentimental reasons. I mean, they've just won a... Well, yeah, exactly. All right, then. We're going to take a short break because I need to have a lie down. And then we'll be back with more Luke and Pete show with me, Pete Donaldson and Sarah Champion. Bye.

It's the Luke and Pete show. I'm Pete Donaldson. I'm joined by Sarah Champion for a Monday show. I was instructed to record four shows for Luke's absence. Turns out four shows were not enough

so break glass for part and half access to and it's lovely to have you back on Sarah. Thank you. I'm sitting down on the floor of your

Absolute Radio studio and you're very much sitting in, what can I describe as a, I bought like a 50s, when I watched the film and read the books of John le Carré and Tinker Tail and stuff like that, I wanted to make my study slash computer room

feel like a 70s kind of like, you know, like the circus, you know, where they all do their spy craft and all their work and stuff. So I bought a load of like 70s tat. And that seat that you're sitting on right now is this kind of like lovely 70s kind of almost Scandi cool seat. That's really uncomfortable to sit on. It's really uncomfortable. But you've really taken to it and you've been sitting on it

for about a year and a half and you've never complained. No. The lumber region is not great, is it? No, this is the 70s. Nobody cared. That's why you've got those old metal filing cabinets. Metal, yes. That was part of that look it was yeah and

an old lamp and uh like cameras and old like um tube maps and stuff from the 60s nice i like it i love all stuff like that but um i think people who are able to have a consistent vibe in their um in the way that they sort of like plan their environment in their home they just need room to sort of keep all this stuff really because I'll buy so much stuff that just gets thrown in the bin because it's just not it's not what I was expecting

or I'll order it the wrong size like remember my diving helmet I bought and it was like the size of like what a monkey would wear and that was bad I mean not enough of your stuff gets thrown in the bin is what i would add it's in the cabin it's in the cabin uh all right should we do a couple of emails before we um toss this off so to speak i've got an email from jamie uh francis rossi dear luke and pete hearing you talk about francis rossi reminded me of another francis rossi that i used to work with a couple of months at the brit Heart Foundation in Kettering.

I don't know what name he was born with, but he was such a status quo superfan that he'd change his name legally to Francis Rossi, and he was on a mission to collect every single vinyl they'd released. He had almost all of them. All in all, he was actually a pretty normal guy, and not bad attractive to do. I was on a Saturday morning while I was doing my DFE volunteering. Certainly, as far as eccentric characters in provincial towns goes uh he was quite benign not really anymore the story keep the good work uh big fan of the pod what i like about that is a man who's changed his name to francis rossi because he loves to score so much he's all right to be around because you think he would be fucking insufferable i also think that I was told

erroneously that Francis Rossi had something to do with Rossi's ice cream I think that's why we brought it up it's a myth it's all you people from Essex talk about is Rossi's ice cream

it's ok but it's not worth talking about all the time honestly from from the drive from here to south end there's about 10 places that just sell rossi's ice cream and they're called rossi's and there can't be that much need for this very passable vanilla ice cream well when you've got the longest pier in the world, longest pleasure pier in the world, I think you'll find people want ice cream. I mean, you say pleasure.

What's down the end of it? Very little. A Gordon Ramsay in a fucking... Jamie's... Is it Jamie's? It used to be Jamie's. They've got this whole train. They've redone this train that just goes up and down this pier.

Hey, there was a pirate ship at the end of it very recently. Well, it was just doing pirate and stuff. No, there was a pirate ship at the end of it very recently well it was just doing pirate and stuff no there was a pirate ship down the end of it um apparently um there were people who go down the end of the pier i think if you you know die in south end obviously the pier is a big a big feature um now we're going down the end of the pier to to dispose of that sounds bad not dispose of to throw scatter scatter the, dispose of the ashes. And an old car battery. No, scatter the ashes into the water, into the estuary, into the sea. And there was just like massive, there was a huge people trying to get on this pirate ship that had rocked up.

Yeah, huge people. And people were trying to throw their ashes into, I don't know whether they were throwing them onto the pirate ship or throwing them off the pier, but. Off the pier, I think, onto a pirate ship would just them off the pier but off the pier I think onto a pirate ship would just be weird it would be weird but like what if

the person who died was a pirate yeah but like an internet pirate or something maybe yeah one of those kind of

1980s ones where would you like your ashes spread down they should know this I don't know I just always thought I wouldn't mind I don't think you're allowed

to do them at football grounds anymore how are they going to police I don't think you're allowed to do them at football grounds anymore how are they going to police that well I think you'd notice if I mean I guess I mean you've got to get

as long as you get it in the place that's fine take you in a pint of Newcastle Brown yeah well you're not allowed to watch that

you're not allowed a pint of Newcastle Brown in front of the in front of the football anyway so and if you knew Newcastle Brown you're supposed to be drinking half pints so have some respect

for my dead body but I always thought I'd be like taken apart like I want people I want some hungover students to be taking the piss out of my tattoos as they slice me open I want them to laugh at my penis

what I've tattooed on my penis and it'd be funny to like leave a message going stop cutting me like that sounds bad that sounds like i've had a episode like if i sort of if i was getting if i'd done it in my body of science and i was going and i wrote like like i'd wrote on my body in an indelible way yeah fuck those scientists. Fuck biology students. They're all dickheads. Yeah.

You're the worst. You're scum. I don't think you can talk about Spackman again. I told you I was ill. Yeah. Apparently, who was telling me that all of your bodily bits and bobs, if you sold them, 300 grand, your body's worth 300 grand on the open market.

Really? Irises, livers, kidneys, irises, heart, lungs, all the

It feels like it would have a time limit on how valuable it was. Yeah, I mean, you'd have to do them all at the same time. Because if you start

donating lungs left, right and centre, you'd have to do them all at the same time. Because if you start donating lungs left, right and centre, you'd have to be very tactical. I reckon you'd get away with kidneys first, and you've got a few days before that goes to shit. Lungs and heart go last. Brain and brain. Brain last, heart second last, lungs third last, and then all of the other stuff.

Irises you can have anytime um what else can you donate everything skin you can have my skin skin yeah your skin's so soft exactly your skin's so soft um email quick email before we round up hello chaps on the back of chat uh regarding american kids being shit at underage drinking I became a drinks mule during my year abroad stuck in Minnesota dorms with 18 year old freshman and already 21 I run a lucrative drink dealing business

in the dorms I would regularly be in the liquor store buying hundreds of dollars worth of weak lager before smuggling it into the dorms it was a mix between super bad and the first 20 minutes of goodfellas I was eventually caught and had to have counselling about my drinking or else be departed cheers Joe

I think we've done that email you know I think I did it with someone else have you ever been caught buying booze have you ever bought booze for anyone who's underage

no I've been approached as well and I've almost tried to be the cool girl and then gone no have you what were they asking for where was it

emily 2020 St Albans I think I lived in St Albans and there were some kids on the street corner yeah and they wanted me to buy them something cool girl and then gone no have you what were they asking for where was it um mb 2020 st auburn's i think i lived in st auburn's there are some kids on the street corner yeah they wanted me to buy them something i can't remember what it was i want to say cider but that's like what i drank when i was 15 um delicious yeah and i remember just going i can't really i'm really sorry absolute nerd one absolute docork unbelievable alright then that's been the Luke and Pete

show for another week Sarah knowing how knackered you are and I am thank you very much for joining us

for the Luke and Pete show we'll be back on Thursday me and Luke doing our thing battery brands we'll be finding out

what Luke's been up to since he's been away and all kinds of stuff really so will you be in separate studios will we be in

separate studios yeah probably lucky him bye you you're I know! You're horrendous!