The Luke and Pete Show - A Milky Affair

Episode Date: October 29, 2020

On today’s episode, Luke put on his NASA hat as he discusses the current asteroid over-probing pandemic. The boys then talk capital punishment and whether or not heinous crimes such as pooing into McDonald’s bags should carry such a penalty. Finally, we explore airport conspiracy theories and sour cream sauce entrepreneurs. All this topped off by Luke MILKING a story of his days working in ASDA’s dairy aisle.Get involved at [e-mail]! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

and we're back with another luke and peach it is a thursday i do hope you are keeping well let me do a quick thing uh look more i've got a a a buddy caught what would you call this it's a thermometer thermometer but it's um a non-contact infrared thermometer let's check your head. 36.7. What have I got? 36.8. Whoa! I'm 1%, well, 10%. No. 0.1%. Degree, no.

0.1 degree. Hotter degree percent. Yeah, and that's just supposed to be the Hawaiian shirt. Yeah. Yeah, don't do your balls. You're going to do that. 34.5.

Good, keep them cool. Keep them cool. That's why the balls hang outside the body. That's true. This is the Luke and Pete show. I'm Luke, that man over there is Pete. We're with you twice a week, as you probably know by now,

pulling on the nonsense threads of the universe and seeing what happens. I've got a headline, Peter. Obviously, on Monday, we talked about storming of tankers and Mr. Blobby and lighthouses and a man who had surgery performed on him by a vet at the age of five with his dad's permission. I'm going to start off

the show with a chilling headline that I read earlier this week. It'll strike fear into the hearts of us all. Paul McCartney to release solo album written and recorded during lockdown. Oh, good lord. Get 2020 over with as

soon as possible, please. Meet Free monday you can do it right now please um wow it's like it's not what you need and it's and it's sad because obviously he's had a long time to write his reputation uh he's had so much more time than john lennon did to write his reputation as uh the the the best songwriter in the Beatles etc. He's not managed it. He's had all that time and he's not managed it. Paul McCartney is a legend for what he's contributed to culture.

We all know that. Or the one he did for the video game Halo. Was it a Halo song? I think he did one for Halo. Did he? It's not just the Beatles that was decent. I mean, Live and Let Die is good.

Yeah. Wings were good. That's weird. One of my mum's favourite. Yeah. Mull of Kintyre. Frog Chorus. The Frog Chorus, exactly.

But you're right about Macca. The thing I don't like about it is whenever you see Macca in public now, one, I don't want to be disrespectful, but I will. I'm not punching down here here I'm very much punching up to one of the most powerful men in the world knight of the realm as well so I'm smashing the system here

his face looks strange he's not grown into his face well not like Keith Richards who looks kind of gnarled and made of wood and quite interesting yeah I can't help but think

he still loves a bifter old Macca oh does he Macca yeah apparently so does he and so your face just goes oh fuck it

yeah fuck it and who in their right mind is going to arrest Macca for smoking a dupe no mate no one but the other thing

I was going to say the other thing that makes me unsettled about Macca is that I never feel like I'm that far away from a really long rendition of Hey Jude

and I don't want it. I just don't want it. I think he overcooked it at the opening ceremony in 2012. Right. I can't remember. I can remember Russell Brown on a bus. Queen coming out of the helicopter. Queen?

Oh, the Queen coming out of the helicopter. Yeah. I think we'll look back at that and think it was quite unsightly, that one. No, I think the 2012 opening ceremony to the Olympics in London was the best thing I've seen as an adult in this country. Well, it wasn't obsessed with the war,

which a lot of kind of like nationalist parades are, which I think is very rare. Do you think they should have done around the Olympic Stadium a big thing with a missile on a truck? Yeah, definitely.

Because they knew Hartleby United came with a missile on a truck yeah definitely because then you hardly put an etiquette with a plumbing fire on it yeah fucking hell pete would would the right wing people that you're talking about they're the same people we talked about on monday talking about the sbs would would they have preferred some kind of military type vibe yeah because they were pissed off from memory they were pissed off about the nhs weren't they what because that was front and center wasn't't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. There's no... You can't kill anyone with a syringe, can you?

Well, you can. I mean... You want to retract that? Because, I mean... Hardship. Yeah. That is, in many ways, the actual way they kill people with the death penalty. Good point, actually.

Yeah, so you can do that. It's not as efficient. You've got to do it one at a time. I think they put a drip in, don't they? And then they inject into the actual drip itself. I'm'm not sure and i'll tell you what it's an interesting discussion because different states who still use it and bear in mind it's not used very much at all anymore i think one someone was put committed to death in terms of the actual act being performed recently and that was the first time in a while wasn't it because there's like

two different levels the states do, but then wasn't there one committed, didn't he get death sentence quite recently in the last few weeks? Well, murder isn't a federal crime in the US. It's a state crime. I'm fairly certain that someone got committed for a federal crime. I can't figure out, I don't

really understand how states work. I didn't see that story. What would have happened then that the federal government might have stepped in and said, you can do this now. You can do it right now, please. The appeals have been exhausted. You free Monday, please. But what I was going to say to you people,

what's interesting, or perhaps not interesting, you can be the judge, is that obviously different states have used it in different ways. So firing squads back in the day and electric chair, as we all know. But the Constitution forbids it,

essentially. Right. The Constitution says, rules out cruel, what is quoted as cruel and unusual punishment. But it's been, because it's so open

to interpretation, it's basically been done. But what I was going to say to you was, wasn't it the woman, what's her name now? The Home Secretary here on question time right who said that she was in favor of bringing the death penalty back and people some of the people in

question time were like nodding along yeah it's it's it seems baffling that in pretty patel that's her name she escaped my name escaped me briefly but yeah so i mean is that a forward step in society i don't think we'd if Pretty Petal was never heard of again, we would never care that she ever existed. Because I'm scared of a referendum because of Brexit. Let's have a referendum on it before United's back. It's back for every crime. Yeah.

Well, apparently, capital punishment by the United States Federal Government can be imposed for treason. That'd be annoying, wouldn't it? That would make sense. There'd have to be some bad treason. Not like, you know... Is there good treason? Doing a poo in a McDonald's box, you know. Is that treason, that'd be annoying, wouldn't it? That would make sense. There'd have to be some bad treason. Not like, you know... Is there good treason? Doing a poo in a McDonald's box. Is that treason?

Quite treasonous. Pete, I want to talk to you about something I found really interesting. Is that... So, I might have missed something here. Maybe you can fill me in. I'll be honest with you, Pete. I don't mean this in a disrespectful way. It's unlikely you're going to be able to fill me in on this here, but you might be able to.

Do you remember a while back, maybe a few years ago, and because everything's happened since... The answer is cottage cheese. No, it's not. Oh, shit. I had a stab. But a while back, and I think it's kind of been forgotten because of all the other stuff that's gone on,

but a few years ago, there was a massive deal made when a space agency that I can't remember who it was now were able to land a probe on an asteroid. That was a thing. That was a thing, right. It was massive. My detail on this is sketchy, but it had never been done before, right?

And everyone was going crazy. I'm pretty sure it was put live on like BBC News 24 or something. Right. Anyway, if you haven't been across this, this now, according to the BBC website, which I was reading about earlier, this appears to be happening all the time now.

What, just drop in as you like? Yeah. Whenever you fancy. Right. A NASA probe sent to collect rock from an asteroid several hundred million kilometres from Earth has now grabbed so much that the samples are spilling out all over space,

according to this news story. It's gone too far. Big fat probe. What? How are they getting that probe back? Big fat probe. According to the head of the mission, who, by the way,

is called Dante Loretta. Nice. What a great job. And a great name to go with it. A substantial fraction of the required collected mass has been observed escaping. The probe could not have done better, but my big concern now is that the particles are escaping because we're a victim of our own success.

Measure how much probe you're going to probe, and don't over-probe, thank you. I mean, it's just a shame. Asteroids are not there to be fucked. Do you remember when the Beagle landed on Mars and it disappeared, and that big beardy guy, or the long-haired skullet guy got really upset? That was quite sad. Really sad. The messages getting sent back from that thing.

But mistakes happen, right? This feels like an arrogant mistake to me. You're a cup of a fluff. You're a probe of a fluff. It's basically got so fat in a restaurant I can't get home. It's the Mr. Creosote of probes. Did you see, I know you're a person who listens to't get home. It's the Mr. Creosote of probs. Did you see, did you listen, I know you're a case of the Pots of America.

They had Biden on. They finally bagged it. And they presented Biden in real time, Donald Trump's election promises. Oh, right. And obviously Biden's was, you know, universal healthcare, but mainly, and, you know, a search for the vaccine,

you know, a grown up attempt to stop a search for the vaccine, you know, a grown-up attempt to stop the scourge of COVID-19. And Donald Trump's first two was like, send someone to Mars! Imagine being thrown that curveball, going,

oh, why do I even have to deal with it? The thing is, he's just looking around the room, Trump, he's looking around the room going, tables, right? Tables, we'll do more of them. No? Is that landed? More Sudafed, no showers. Yeah, the shower, the water.

I'll tell you what, taking it to a slightly more sort of reflective and serious angle though, if you get a chance, read the uh extract which i think it's been published fairly well shared fairly widely online of the chapter of biden's autobiography or memoir about the story of his his wife and his i think a couple of his children certainly several members of his family being killed in a car accident when I think he was only about 30. Right. And it's just...

He's been through it a lot. Oh, he has. First of all, it's spectacularly tenderly written. It's a beautiful piece of writing. I don't know if he wrote it himself. I mean, maybe he had someone help him. I don't know, but it doesn't matter. This is not meant as a kind of, you know,

preaching to people about who they should vote for because that's not our place as British people but what it did say to me Pete is it's almost like the way it was written it made me feel like

how have you even carried on in your life I mean to be younger than us and to have a family and a wife and then be killed

and taken from you this would be my super villain this would be my super villain origin story you say that flippantly, but that ruins people's lives. There'll be millions of people out there

who've suffered that kind of problem, that kind of tragedy, who've never gone to achieve anything because their life feels like it's over. For him to go achieve what he's been able to achieve, whatever you think of it, whatever your political persuasion is, it's incredible.

Absolutely incredible. And he had a son who died separately as well who served in the forces and then died sadly separately from that his life story is very very interesting and the compassion

I think he's shown is incredible in my opinion to go and achieve that is incredibly crazy and the way that he's kind of he you know

people in the press have you know asked a few questions about the Hunter Biden you know the fucking laptop and all that bollocks. And he was a bit snippy with them. And they were like, oh, I can't believe he's a bit snippy.

He's like, it's his kid. You know? He also said in an interview, didn't he, that he refuses to bring any of Trump's children into it. I'm not running against Donald Trump's children. I'm not running against Donald Trump. It's not how I was raised. I don't do that.

I'm not doing it. That shows a decent reserve that wouldn't be afforded by many people. That shows a decent reserve that wouldn't be afforded by many people. That shows a deep reserve of class that will frankly lose him this election. Possibly. Anyway, I was going to say to you something else that came to mind that I wanted to run past you because it seems like right off your street. Have you heard the story of C.B. Cebulski, the editor-in-chief of Marvel Comics?

No. No, I haven't. And so he created an entirely new persona, a Japanese writer, comic writer persona, and ran it as almost like a double life for years because he was now so high up at Marvel or whatever it may be. He wasn't getting his cheapies. He wasn't getting his cheapies.

He wasn't getting his thrills. And it was a cause of great controversy because, of course, it was talking about culture appropriation. He denied that it was him for years. And he was really successful as a writer of, in quotes, a Japanese writer

alongside what he was doing generally. And he even made out that he was friends with this guy and that he could vouch for him, even though no one had met him. And he would email him from different email addresses and stuff. And he's still editor-in-chief of Marvel. And I wondered, because I think he was a Japanophile,

because I think he knew quite a lot about the culture, and he was obviously well-entrenched in comic books. Should that not be a bigger kind of controversy than it was? I don't know. It's hard, isn't it? Because I think cultural appropriation, especially when you're talking about like uh comics and superheroes it's a fairly modern phenomenon like you're not you're not trading off the the shogun stories of of of of you know um years gone by in in in feudal japan and stuff like that so so you would argue that

the the the japanese comics kind of found their way thanks to being on the back of... No, but I think he did employ kind of stereotypes. He did include like samurai and ninja and stuff in it. And some people have accused him of a phrase, I don't even know

how I'm allowed to say on this show, but I'll say it anyway, of yellow facing, it's called. Yeah, okay. Is that a thing? I guess you just... I guess you have it with any kind of culture.

So he said that I stopped writing under the pseudonym Akira Yoshida after about a year it wasn't transparent Akira's too obvious yeah I know he said he was

young and naive and all this other stuff but he's still editor-in-chief of Marvel I just thought it was quite an interesting kind of story I mean if you look at

like a lot I mean how long has it taken to have how long has Marvel taken to make a film with the Black Panther franchise and stuff like that? I wouldn't say in the grand scheme of it

they're probably one of the less progressive companies in the world. Would that be fair? I don't know. I don't know enough about comics, see? You love comics. I don't love comics in the slightest. You love all that kind of stuff. I like Beano's.

I liked the Beano's back in the day. Were you Beano or Dandy? Beano. I was Beano as well. Yeah, Dandy's just hadn't... Desperate Dan. Yeah. I'm trying to think of who else they had. Calamity James would kind of... I used to like Calamity James you know it's back in the day were you Beano or Dandy Beano I was Beano as well yeah Dandy Dandy just hadn't desperate Dan yeah I don't think who else they had

Calamity James would kind of I'll use it like Calamity James because it looked dirty there was mushrooms growing out of the ground and stinky cheese and stuff like that and dirty rats

I don't even know Calamity James was it was quite a it was quite a late 80s kind of cartoon but the artist who drew them and obviously like

not knowing anything about comics I'm always blown away by the fact that that one person writes the story and the other person kind of and I always just thought it was just done by one person

or two people but yeah the only comics I read I used to read The Beano my friend my best friend

when I was a kid used to be a big Beano man but I didn't really know anyone who got The Dandy I never really got into it I couldn't remember any characters I wrote in Desperate Down

whereas The Beano you've got quite a few different ones i like the numbskulls i like the idea of loads of um little humans little sort of creatures living in your head i remember those were they dandy i think they were dandy i do remember those they're the they're the ones i really gave a shit about did you read uh viz yes yeah that's when you're a bit older though yeah it is my favorite it's the drunk dad who just loves it who just will just constantly ruin his own life because he loves cheap lager.

Why does that speak to you particularly? I don't know. I don't know, man. You're not a cheap lager man, though, are you? You're kind of a continental lager man, aren't you? Yeah, but continental lager is quite... Like a Tisky or a Stella. But you're not like Katie.

You're not a Foster's like Katie. No, because it just doesn't taste very nice. You don't want something... Get a six percenter and a taste of something taste of rocket fuel lager boy um yeah so i was um i wasn't really a bit the guy who created viz had a second like limited ish career managing musical artists right okay i don't think any of his artists ever really did anything but that was like his thing after a while i i used to love um there was an there was another one that was kind

of like remember those ones that were like zit uh they were called like zit and puke and they were just kind of like shit versions of this but it skewed a little bit younger it wasn't quite as quite as grown up but i know visit aren't very grown up but you know they had the funny letters and stuff like that yeah these had like a satirical element to it yeah exactly i always get private eye and this and that'll be my um train had like a satirical element to it, didn't it? Yeah, exactly. I'd always get Private Eye in Viz and that would be my train journey up to Hartlepool.

I'd still get Private Eye now. But the, I've been, I've been in Viz a couple of times with cartoons. I never managed to get in Private Eye though.

Have you been in Viz? Toffs. Bloody toffs. What do you mean you're in Viz? I think I may, I think I, I definitely was in once and maybe twice.

Got paid 50 quid. Not a real job. What for? Just got a little cartoon I did. Little, little, a little advert. Got paid 50 quid. What for? Just a little cartoon I did. A little advert. Why don't you tell me these things? A little pastiche of an advert. It was called Broadband Milk.

How did you send it in? It was like the milk would come out too quick because it was broadband. It was Broadband Milk. How did you submit it? Just sent it on email. And they went, oh, there you go.

Is it 50 quid? Or maybe 25, I can't remember. And what was the other one? I can't remember and what was the other one I can't remember what the other one was I cannot remember ah it might have been

I haven't remembered actually it might have been remember the film Shutter Island yeah it says Leonardo DiCaprio

and it says Shutter Island there's just shits everywhere and he goes this island is disgusting that was 2010 Shutter Island you were 30 years old then yeah. And he goes, this island is disgusting. That was 2010. Shitter Island. You were 30 years old then.

Yeah, who cares? I didn't know Viz was still going then. Viz is still going to this very day. Online only though, right? I once met the two writers. There was a celebration of all things Viz at the Comic Museum in Bloomsbury. Me and Mark Haynes from WrestleMe

went down probably about about god seven years ago now and um the two writers of the i think the drunk drunken bakers you know they're just kind of always pissed they're always putting too much sherry in it and they're just always pissed and they don't really know what they're doing and they never cook they cook the cakes right because they're pissed and um one of the writers genuinely lived up to their to their reputation absolutely wanked it was brilliant you'd expect that though wouldn't you a little bit yeah but one of the writers genuinely lived up to their reputation. Just basing themselves. Absolutely wanked. It was brilliant.

You'd expect that though, wouldn't you? A little bit, yeah. But just being able to hold down a pretty popular cartoon. You just sort of go, wow, jeez. I can't believe you've contributed to Viz. It's an open house. You do something that they like. How many likes are you going to continue to hide under a bush?

I've learned new things about you every day. right well i contemplate that and get used to the idea of peep being a published viz contributor we're going to take a quick break when we come back we're going to do some more of your emails don't go anywhere and we're back this is luke of the week of the 26th. Getting confused. Hey! Temperature check! 36.5. You've gone up one nought, haven't you?

I've gone down a bit. You're 36.9. You've gone up. 36.9, that's heading for trouble, isn't it? No, you're right. The only thing is that if you get a new gadget in the office, you're automatically going to do something with it. The batteries will be dead by this time.

We've got an email here from Lars. Lars Sivertson? No, it's not Lars Sivertson. Or Amble Mailbag. Lars Sivertson, on the continent. Yeah, but they do a mail shop programme for pitching, don't they? Yeah, Lars is a legend, but it's a different Lars. I love Lars.

Apparently there's a lot of people in Scandinavia called Lars. Who'd have thought it? He says, hello, fellows. The email about getting drunk on redeemable drinks coupons reminded me of my brief stint as a pizza driver in the summer of 2003. So do you remember that email? They would write on the back of the coupon,

if someone wasn't having alcohol, they'd add alcohol to it and they'd drink it themselves. Great scheme. Email that's in about schemes, hello at lukeandpeachshow.com. My friend, Rob rob reason great name was actually a uh a pizza delivery driver as well and he used to um i mean i've actually named it now so i'm not going to say that but it was great having someone who was a pizza delivery driver as your

friend anyway um lyle says being a young student home for the summer i and a few friends worked um for the local pizza place the pizza was good the camaraderie was good the sour cream and garlic sauce was amazing hello but the pay was shit abysmal yeah we devised a scheme to skim a bit off the top of the sour cream sauce love that sense and opportunity entrepreneurial when customers called into order we wrote their order down on a slip and handed it to the pizza cooks who made the pizza. Straightforward enough. Customers would often specify if they wanted pizza sauce or sour cream sauce. And if they did, we wrote it down on the slip.

All the order slips returned at the end of our shift to make sure everything was accounted for. However, if the customer didn't explicitly order sour cream sauce, it wouldn't be on the slip. Right. The sauce cost about £1.50. Scandinavia, right? So it's pretty expensive. Every time we delivered a pizza, we asked them if they wanted sour cream sauce as well.

And most of the people did. And if they did, they would pay cash, which we would pocket. Over an evening shift, this would normally result about £10 to £20 extra cash on our personal registers. Since we put the sour cream sauce in the small containers from a giant vat, it was impossible to cross-check

exactly how much sour cream sauce went missing, but we made sure to register some of them in order to keep the bosses off our garlicky sour cream scent. Key up the good work. Regards, Lars. I like it. I think anything like that where it's not really quantifiable, but after a while you would notice that the sour cream

and the garlicky nonsense wasn't going down well they'd certainly notice it if you were eating it yourself the first thing I'm doing is I'm smelling breath I am smelling breath I cook a lot more

than I used to it's not difficult is it I know and I'm using like an obscene amount of garlic garlic salt garlic pepper

everything's got garlic in it so I must I must absolutely honk at the moment garlic is a good it's just the best yeah it's got garlic in it so i must i must absolutely honk at the moment garlic is a good um just the best yes i always i use my wife and i tend to use garlic in most things yeah have you got have you got an email there peter got an email uh from please don't use my name caught it didn't i caught it thank you you're improving i'm learning um hi look pete bear with me this story is definitely worth your time is a story of a vendetta and we all love a

vendetta slash revenge story. Your ongoing chat about the index of supermarket workers is particularly relevant to me as I work in a big superstore as a store colleague. Is that a thing? When I worked at Asda, they used to call you colleagues. It was just like a store colleague.

That was your title. I'm a store colleague. So it would be, could a colleague please come to whatever? Yeah. I think it's to try and make you feel like you're not being shat on. Kind of shit muncher.

Come to clean up the sick. Because I used to do, my department at Asda for a bit was dairy. Nice. So I had to start at six. Milk boy. To get the milk in. But I'll tell you, my friend, the same friend who did the sausage roll scheme, which I talked to you about before, he used to work in fruit and veg, right?

And he would start really early and I would start really early. Did you see loads of spiders? Yeah, you used to get occasionally big tropical spiders. Ooh, don't like it. Yeah, it was awful. Don't like it. But Pete, I forgot to tell you this.

So the warehouse at the back of this supermarket was massive. And one side was dairy and the other side was fruit and veg. And they were the two items. So we had the bakers, but they were working through the night, so they weren't really in the warehouse bit.

It's not even a warehouse. It's kind of a goods yard that was covered. I'm at one end with the dairy, bringing the milk in from the chillers and off the vans, the lorries, and he's at the other end with the fruit and veg. Because he did not give a single shit about anything, even one of those people.

He essentially used to unilaterally decide that we were having some kind of like torpedo bombardment war. And every time I walked out into the good show, cause it would just be me and him and it'd be winter. So it would be dark. Pepper. It would be kumquats,

fucking grapes, apples, just bombarding you. I remember he once hit me, not hit me, hit the little trolley of milk. I think it was like, was something ridiculous, like a coconut or something. And it knocked a load of milk the little trolley of milk. I think it was something ridiculous,

like a coconut or something. And it knocked a load of milk out the trolley, which smashed all over the floor. And he was gone. And I had nothing to throw back at him. And all I could add to throw back at him was a little packs of butter. Yeah, not good enough for you.

If it hits you, it's going to hurt. If it's a decent size. So that's kind of the stuff it used to get. How he got away with that and how he didn't get busted for kind of spillage or whatever it was you have to mention

a kumquat I'm genuinely salivating at the idea of they come in those little hard shells if you get pings with a kumquat that's just a kumquat

wasn't it no I'm not thinking of a kumquat I'm thinking of a lychee oh right it comes with a prickly shell

yeah yeah yeah anyway carry on they're quite light lychees I would say yeah you probably need to get a handful of them anyway only two weeks ago

please don't use my name says one of my colleagues I'm not going to name him for reasons that will come clear got into a huge argument with the general store manager the big boss on a Tuesday

I'm not too clear on the finer details of why this argument happened but it was so heated ended up with a colleague handing in his notice in with his final shift taking place on Friday

he came and went for his final shift but little did we know He came and went for his final shift, but little did we know, he'd carried out one final attack on the store. For some to understand this story, I need to tell you a few basic things about how the store takes stock of everything. The computer systems it uses generates picks

for the workers to get from the back, on the top of the shelves, and put onto the shop floor. It does this using the information from what has been delivered, what's been binned up to the top stock backroom, and how many times it's been sold. Oh, it's called just-in-time, isn't it?

Yeah. It's a fairly accurate system, with every colleague having access to it through the guns, called TC70s. We use these to scan the items and tell the computer what's been put on the top stock. On Saturday morning, I came into work, started my shift as usual, taking a gun,

and started to pick items from the shop floor. Almost immediately, I realised there were hardly any items to pick usually around 300 in the morning but only six had appeared on the gun i told my manager and he said he'd look into it every night a report is generated regarding the stock how many items are picked how many binned items etc and on the report it said that aisles 3 to 29 had been audited this mean the stock over the top of the aisles had been wiped from the system, even though when we looked up on the top, there was still a fair amount of stock there. Over £25,000 of stock had been wiped from the system by someone. They checked the cameras to see if they could see anyone scanning barcodes at the top of each aisle to wipe them,

and they couldn't see anything. They decided to check the login of who'd audited the aisles, and it was indeed a line manager who never in their right mind would do such a thing. He was asked about it and he said he hadn't authorised it but he did give the gun to someone at the time

the audit had started. Who was that someone? Why of course it was the disgruntled colleague on his last ever shift. They checked the cameras in his section and there he was

in plain sight sat behind a counter typing the aisle numbers in manually and wiping the store stock from the comfort of an office chair. What makes it even better

that he was officially no longer an employee of the company so they couldn't do anything about it surely not wow surely that's not the case that's a loophole that's corporate espionage at best yeah i hope he's got a non-competing uh or whoever else it was um i've wondered what made him so angry to hold a grudge for three days and then totally fuck our system up i know it's a long story but hopefully it'll make you laugh slash angry it didn't make me angry random person stay positive and test negative says the anonymous

texter emailer yeah that is petty isn't it 25 grand's worth of petty though yeah when the lockdown first started happening

I remember reading this just in time supply chain which he talks about I think that's what it is it's all automated so back in the day when I was working

in a supermarket whatever in the 90s I think working in a supermarket or whatever in the 90s, I think it was nowhere as sophisticated as that. What the point I'm getting to is

that when the pandemic happened and for all of a sudden people started hoarding toilet rolls, the whole thing's automated. You know, Sainsbury's have got

like five million stores. If everyone starts buying toilet roll from, you know, Sainsbury's local West Norwood, it triggers the system and they start delivering shitloads of it.

The system sounds like this. Yeah. And because people need the toilet roll. People need the toilet roll, yeah. And that's not such a big deal when it comes to toilet roll because it's not, what's it called, spoilable. But if it was like everyone was hoarding kumquats, I mean, it's going to be an issue.

Come on, feel the noise. They'd be shouting, kumquats. Yeah. I mean, it's going to be an issue. Come on, feel the noise. They'd be shouting kumquat. Interesting stuff, mate. I think we can all agree. Finally, Mal, we'll squeeze in before we go, from Bryce, who I think is a regular emailer. He says, on the topic of conspiracy theories, the back of a recent episode,

here's one that may pique your interest. The Denver airport in Colorado is apparently teeming with conspiracy did you know that uh no i don't is this denver color did you say denver you've been to denver haven't you i'll be at denver i loved it did you loved it okay for some reason for some reason um denver airport is teeming with conspiracy theories from a demonic horse statue that famously killed its sculptor prior to completion to underground tunnels and buildings

holding the deepest secrets of the world's elite and hidden propaganda of the New World Order and the looming apocalypse. I thought they were a bit of a swing state in Colorado.

I thought there was a chance it might go... I'm not sure. It might go blue. But Bryce says, I've attached an article for additional information but that's a general rundown.

I mean, I'm not really sure why Denver Airport is particularly open to conspiracies. Did you spot anything when you were there, Pete? No, just a lot of snow, some great dive bars.

Love a dive bar. Yeah. How would you describe a dive bar? One that's just playing pulp on the jukebox? No, it'd just be like you'd have a wooden Native American chief

in the corner. I went to Big Red's in Holloway Road over the weekend, and it closed down. You know, there used to be an IRA pub back in the day on Holloway Road, and it became a kind of rock bar. And they closed it down because I think the landlord evicted them, or the landlord certainly put the rent up too high. The rent's too damn high.

And they left, and basically whoever's taking it over uh either the people who own the actual building itself or someone else uh they have rebranded it to big reds oh really exact same name and they've kind of kept this general aesthetic they don't have quite so many uh crappy 70s um tin uh tin adverts for stuff, but they have got a big motorbike they've winched onto the ceiling. So it's kind of a more corporate version of what was there before, and it's not attracted the same clientele. Do you still go there?

Well, I went and visited for the first time. I thought it was closed down forever, but I don't care. Because, to be honest, it was quite hard when you were... I like wearing a suit on a Friday or Saturday night I like wearing a suit most days but when it's cold and they wouldn't let me in

frequently because you know you're just going to cause trouble with your suit what is with that you would never cause trouble well you don't ever cause trouble to yourself

and I think it's important that we make that clear are you going to cause trouble yes I am but only be to my own my own kind of well-being yeah I just checked

while you were talking about that and Colorado's got a democratic governor right and he's split down the middle yeah in terms of representation in the House and the Senate

so hot dog yeah there you go it might be a conversational hot potato for another time if anyone out there listening in fact

we should probably get our pilot contingent Pilot Neil and all the other guys to get in touch and see if they've flown into Denver did anything

untoward happen yeah I'm fairly certain one of our pilots does BA because I had a little cursory Google about them they do yeah

it doesn't do anything at the moment I follow Pilot Neil on Instagram do you? how do you find him? I think he just I think I just put two and two together. I'm not going to put his name out on here

because people will... I don't know it, so I couldn't... So, Pilot Neil, your name is secret. If any of us... For those who don't listen regularly, you should know that we have a very, very strong caucus and contingent of pilots listening in. Oh, me too, thank you,

because I played a full two hours of... I was doing a bit of work, but. Oh, me too. Thank you. Because I played a full two hours of, I was doing a bit of work, but it just required me to listen to something. And I played a full two hours of Microsoft Flight Simulator and I flew from Haneda Airport to, I think I was going to Osaka. How'd you get on? Crashed in Corfu.

Did you? I wanted to take a little bit, I wanted to take a closer look at the ground. You've not got the attention span. You haven't got the attention span. I was looking for Corfu. Did you? I wanted to take a little, I wanted to take a closer look at the ground. You've not got the attention span. You haven't got the attention span or the discipline. I was looking for a Corfu's stadium and I crashed my Boeing.

If I could, I should have gone for a more nippier aircraft, quite frankly. I can't. Can you choose whatever aircraft you want? Within reason, I think you can probably get DLC and extra packs and stuff.

But the new thing of Microsoft Flight Simulator is it constantly streams in data, so it's the most detailed bit of ground mapping. Yeah, but that's not the game for you, though, because you haven't got the attention span. Well, I have got the attention span, but I'm attending to the wrong thing.

Start with London to Edinburgh or something. London to Dublin. No, because the first thing I did was fly into Shibuya to see if the Shibuya crossing was there, and it is kind of there. Dublin would be a good one, because it's really windy there. Yep. That would be a good one for you. Anyway, whether you're a pilot or not

but you've got any experience at Denver Airport and the conspiracy theories around it, we'll share the link on the Twitter which is at Luke and Pete Show. You can give it a bash and let us know what you think. Get in touch with us about anything you've heard today or anything you'd like us to discuss in the future. The email address is hello at lukeandpeachow.com.

That's all from us for now. We'll have a lovely weekend. We hope you do too. And we'll see you on Monday. Anything to say, Pete? I might not have a lovely weekend, quite frankly. Start as you mean to go on. This was a Stakhanov production and part of the acast creative network