The Luke and Pete Show - A munch on dog food

Episode Date: August 13, 2020

On today’s episode, we talk about some strippers who performed in a very unexpected setting, a translation mishap from a brewery and something unusual someone did with their beard hair.Later, we also hear an unfortunate childhood poo story from a listener and Pete admits he’s been known to have a nibble on dog food. Dreadful.Send your stories and thoughts to [e-mail]! **Please rate and review us on Apple or wherever you get your podcasts. It means a lot and makes it easy for other people to find us. Thank you!** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

and it's the lucid peach show it's a first day it's still spicy here in london and be able to do hope you keep them well whether you're a pilot whether you are a um church owner mouse you are a church mouse if you are um a cheese maker if you are a candlestick maker if you are a butcher a price price fighter butcher are a candlestick maker, if you are a price fighter butcher. A price fighter butcher? I tell you what, you wouldn't mess with that person, would you? You wouldn't because they'd have access to knives and meat. Butcher by day, price fighter by night.

That would be such tender sticks because obviously he would practice all of his punching on the meat, wouldn't he? Yeah. Like Scott Bloch from that film. Oh, Rocky. Yeah, was there any... I can't remember that film, really. Yeah, I know.

Would that not kind of... Did he have, like, bare knuckles? Either way, it's disgusting. He shouldn't be allowed to do that. Yeah, whose is the abattoir that he's been invited into? I think it was just a chest freezer, wasn't it? It was just a big freezer that... It'd be like a commercial operation, Pete.

I'm just asking you. It was, yeah. I've just put into... Imagine saying that to your boss. I've just put into the freezer to get another big carcass for whatever business we're running and there's a boxer in there punching it.

He's sweating and punching it. Yeah, exactly. Do you not think that they shouldn't even have been frozen, though? Because surely you're just going to hurt your hands. That's not an accurate reflection of what it's like to punch a human. Maybe they weren't frozen. Maybe I've added that myself. Maybe it was just a cold day.

Yeah. I was watching a video of a, like, in, I think, Taiwan, a video of, you know, like, in Taiwan and parts of China, they've got, like, strippers at wicks and funerals. There was a piece on this like last year where they sort of said, there's a really weird thing where in China and I think Taiwan, they bring, for the dirty old uncles and the granddads, they get dancing go-go girls to dance for the dead, effectively.

And it's apparently designed just to get people to turn up, effectively. How? I mean, I can't think of anything more depressing than that. Or just disrespectful. I like a lot of trance music and a woman just dancing around in a bikini thong. Are you going to old Man Frank's funeral? I can't even believe it.

Old Man Frank. There'll be strippers there. All right, yeah, I'll make some time. I'm coming. I'll pop the head in. I like that he's called Old Man Frank. That's just the first thing I thought of. He was old.

He was old. Come on. There was no surprise there. Not a very common Thai when he's named Frank. Old Man Frank. Well, here in England, I guess. Every Chinese person in the 70s just gave themselves a name because we're

just so institutionally... We just can't say foreign names or we just refuse to. Not even going to bother with that one. I'm calling you Tony. I went to school with a Chinese kid called Neon. N-E-O-N. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah. That's such a badass name. Absolutely wicked name.

One regret I've got about that is he was actually a very good friend of mine to the age of about 13 or 14. I never really fully appreciated or got the best use out of that name. No. It's a brilliant name. Imagine if you could collect all of the gases that go inside, like argon, don't you put that in lights? He was a very noble man.

You love a little bit of noble gas chat, don't you? Yeah, I do. You love it? I don't know why. It seems to come up quite a lot. It does hit. Anyway, finish your story about the strippers at the funerals. Well, there was a big festival for,

it was a festival like pigs or something. It was some YouTube channel. And basically it was this sort of go-go dancer in her pants and bra just dancing to some hardcore trance music in front of a big pig celebrating a good yield for the farmers, a good yield for the pigs. Yeah.

Yeah. Weird, isn't it? Weird life. That's not something I ever sort of predicted what i'd learn about it's a bit of a bit of an old thing did you did you in another part of the world pete we're heading back to our favorite american state which is uh what is our favorite american state oh um florida correct a man in florida has been in the news this week or actually late last

week for reportedly purchasing a brand new Porsche with a cheque he printed out at home on his computer. Nice. Look, that's fine. That is absolutely fine. It's not fine. He's been arrested. Well, it was fine until it wasn't fine. By the way, this man was 42 years old.

It's not... That is a young man's crime. I'm going to check... I'm going to print out a check at home and i'm gonna buy a porsche how old are you 21 max 42 this guy is um i think oh god well i worried i read this kind of guy had uh he'd done this kind of clever thing where he had um again it's probably not a podcast but he had basically got out a loan in the name of a man who owned the dealership. So this guy owns a dealership. A man has come into the dealership

and got a loan out in the name of the dealership man's name, right? Right. So he rocks up with this check for a certain amount of money. It sounds like a Grand Theft Auto cheat code. It's incredible. He turns up with a cheque with, like, you know, 40 grand's worth of car wanting to buy. He turns up with a cheque with the name of the guy in questions,

the dealership owner name, and he nearly gets away with it. And the dealer goes, just the way the man was acting the the dealer just was just going that's just a little bit weird he's not asking enough questions about the car because you're going to make a a big purchase like uh you know 40 and but this guy instead of writing a check for like it's going to bounce or whatever because obviously they can credit check and stuff this guy just got um went to like a payday loan company and got the name got the name of the um got it got the name of the guy who owned the dealership on the actual cheque, if you know what I mean.

Yeah. And so got it on his behalf. So obviously the cheque's made out to him. He gets some money. The guy gets his car. That's an amazing crime. But you think the ID cheques should be better than that in the payday loan company?

Come on. It's payday loans, isn't it, mate? Payday loans. It's the Wild West, baby. It's the Wild West. What did he then do? Just move to the next town? No one caught him?

No, no. Yeah, I don't think he got his car. I do not think he got his car. What always happens in these kind of crimes, and we talked about this before, is that people get too greedy, right? This guy I'm talking about, the Florida guy earlier, he only got caught, I think,

because he then went to another place and tried to buy three Rolexes at a jeweler's. Right, okay. And so what he's doing is he's massively increasing his chances of being caught. And obviously he just got busted.

He said he admitted to the police that he'd been printing the checks out at home but the way he said it was like it was like he'd been doing it for ages so god knows how long he's been doing it for listen good good luck to him because i uh every day of my life since about two months ago i've been thinking about a check in my bag um uh i did a voiceover for somebody a little while ago, literally six months ago, and I'm fairly certain there's a ticking clock on me. Yeah, they only last for six months, I believe. So I may even have gone over the limit

of how long this check is allowed to be cashed for. But the HSBC app says that it allows you to um you know cash the check in in in the app but once you take a picture of it it has to have something on the back it has a real problem with checks that don't have anything written on the back so what i did was i wrote blank on the back did you print it out with that as well i didn't print out at home but every time i think every couple of days i'll think about this bloody check that I just can't get my life together enough. Just to walk into HSBC and go, please can I cash this check? Here's the bank account it needs to go into.

Here's my fucking card. Here's my ID. Why can't I get my life together enough to just do that, Luke? Answer me that. If I had to put a list together of people who would never get around to cashing a check, you would be at the very top of it, and it wouldn't even be close. You would.

Yeah. I remember I told listeners of this show before, I couldn't even pay you back 200 euros. You wouldn't take it. It took me ages to pay you back. You kept sneaking money in my pocket. Another story i know in my pocket another story that caught my eye this week is the fact i don't know this is this kind of spawns a whole new conversation about cultural appropriation which we can have if you want but it's not a reason i'm bringing it to the

table um it uh is is that um a beer brand in canada has unwittingly named a beer Huru Huru, which they thought meant feather in the New Zealand indigenous language Maori. But it actually means pubic hair. So they've got a beer called pubic hair. Now, that's funny, but should they be using Maori words for fun anyway? They should be double-checking what they're up to I would say If you don't do it fucking Brewdog will

Well, you remember there was that guy who made, because you can make yeast you can make like what is it, starter yeast or something out of anything, like you can just anything that's got any sort of capacity for growth any kind of, not disease what do you can just, anything that's got any sort of capacity for growth, any kind of,

not disease, what do you call it? Like a, like a, like a, like a microbe. Yeah. This guy,

this sort of master brewer made a beer brewed from his own beard hair. Oh, I heard about that, yeah. Which I think is,

why would you do that? No one wants to drink that. No one wants to look at their whitey eyes and go, I've just drank your beard. Horrible. So it is quite interesting.

I've done it before with my brother-in-law and my father-in-law. It is quite interesting to brew your own beer just to see what it's like. And you do get a massive yield for the financial outlay. So if you're prepared to wait a decent amount of time, you can get literally like bottles and bottles and bottles of the stuff that you can brew to the strength that and bottles of the stuff that you can brew to the strength that you want with the flavor that you want for quite a short small outlay so i do understand the the attraction in that but that geese are doing out of beard hair can you imagine

anything more achingly fashionable than that it's not it's not even fashionable it's just disgusting yeah you don't see like uh coffee aficados doing that. The people just sort of working on what to send. But I do love that coffee bean that goes through that Ocelot's digestive system, don't they? Oh, yeah. But monkey, yeah, and the monkey monkeys. Have you had that? Did they pick them and eat them?

I think I have, actually. I think I have. It's all right. I mean, you don't think about it, do you, I suppose? I mean, I guess like most of the um most of the i mean i was in costa a few weeks ago and i saw a picture of all of the beans being dried in the sun um and they're just on the floor and i was like oh that's on the floor yeah aren't tea bags aren't tea bags like just sweepings from the floor of tea leaf factories and stuff i guess so yeah yeah i guess so but i mean we're so naive aren't we in the west so no it's probably fine isn't it they

probably really thought about this that's on the floor all of the all of the seeds are on the floor all of the beans oh gross beans and what is your um what's your current coffee intake you do drink coffee in the afternoons or just in the mornings now? I'm pretty good with my coffee, to be honest. A couple of cups maximum. A couple of tiskies. A couple of tiskies. Then straight on to the tea dogs. I don't know why tiskies.

When I was a couple of weekends ago, I was in a supermarket, When I was, a couple of weekends ago, I was in a supermarket and I noticed that the beer company Tuborg have started making a, I think it looks like a continental kind of product, but they've started making a bottled beer with the delicious taste of vodka in it. Oh, my goodness me. What is the point of that? Well, I think they tried to sort of get on the kind of youthful,

what's that one that's got tequila in it? Oh, Des think they tried to sort of get on the kind of youthful... What's that one that's got tequila in it? Oh, Desperado. Rank. Desperado. Fucking rank. People really seem to like that. But, yeah, too bog. Who only came back a few years ago. We invited them back into our lives.

We've seen them at festivals. They've spent a bit of money to get back with their feet under the table. And they've clearly made a bit of scratch. So now they're trying to get a bit fancy, try to grab hold of the youth market by making a drink. Because nobody likes the flavour necessarily of vodka. Your best vodkas don't taste of anything. Yes, is that the case?

If they're really well distilled and they're really good quality, they're much smoother, therefore the taste is much more diminished. Like a beautiful, small bottle of Polish vodka, decent Polish vodka from the freezer. Wow. What a delicate taste that is. Fantastic. But do you want that in beer?

Yeah. It's called Tuborg Skol, apparently. Skol. Yeah, I'm not about that. That's not for me. Not on board. Thank you very much. No, thanks.

Listen, Pete, what we should do is have a quick break, and then while we're in the break, we can help ourselves to a tisky. And then when we come back, we'll read some emails, because we didn't read that many emails out on Monday, because I think we went out of time. We read one. We read one email. And we're back.

We're absolutely lashed on tiskies, depending on how long your ad breaks were. If you're in a market that we've got a bit of sort of advertorial action going on, we had five tiskeys. If you're in somewhere like, I don't know, China or Bogota, we don't have any kind of commercial officers there, so you probably haven't heard that many adverts. So we are Stone Cold Sober.

I'd love to hear from people. Yeah, I'd love to hear from people in China or Bogota. Remember our friend who bought spiders by accident in China? That's the kind of stuff we want. What kind of stuff are people buying by accident in Colombia? You know, it's cocaine. But you know what I mean. A lot of, I mean, if you buy any booze in China,

it's invariably counterfeit. Got to be very careful. Got to be very careful. That's why everybody drinks Taiwanese beer in China because it can all be trusted. So if I went to China, I went to a random bar in China and bought, I don't know, like a bottle of Heineken, it might not be a Heineken.

It could be literally anything. They obviously usually go for the more spirited side of things. But yeah, a lot of beer is just counterfeit. I mean, I don't have a very delicate palate, so I'll probably go, yeah, it's fine. It tastes like a whiskey to me. Same with baby powder. There's big scandals in the 90s.

Yeah, I'm the same about that, Pete, but I'd also quite like to not be blinded. No, exactly, exactly. powder you know there's a there's a big there's big scandals big scandals in the 90s yeah i'm the same about that people i'd also quite like to not be blinded no exactly exactly but that's why that's why baby powder and uh baby powder in in china isn't uh used um chinese baby powder isn't trusted because uh the supply lines just um there's just a lot of counterfeit stuff like most you know chinese cars are fake most like they's just a big kind of counterfeiting or kind of off-brand B-grade stock kicking around. There's not a lot of breastfeeding that goes on in middle-class families in China, for example.

So they obviously bottle feed and the baby powder, they don't like to use Chinese brands so that they import quite a lot of it because it's the ones that they can trust effectively. Right. Pete, I remember reading something not that long ago about a completely counterfeit Apple store in some part of China

that you wouldn't even be able to tell was counterfeit. Like that to work really hard to work out that it was actually a counterfeit store because it looked exactly the same in every conceivable way oh it's fascinating i love stuff like that i love kind of how they used to be like fake eggs like i need to do imagine how i might know imagine how cheap and and easy eggs are to to be made if you could just if you can feed a chicken you can make it you feed a, you can make an egg, right? That's very simple biology. Isn't that your family crest?

It is, yeah. Yeah, feed a fucking hen, lay an egg, you've got an egg. But yeah, these guys are kind of making like these plasticky eggs that have no nutritional content, but they kind of look and act like eggs. It just seems fascinating that that's even a cottage industry.

Well, it acts up if you leave it alone for too long. I'd love to see a Dawson family motto, and it's in Latin. It translates to, if you can feed a hen, you can make an egg. Feed a hen, get enough. You will get enough. That's enough. Listen, just after the break, we did say we'd will get enough. That's enough. Listen, just after the break, we did say we'd do some emails. It's hello at lukeandpeter.com to get in touch.

A man who has got in touch is a man called Tom. Now, this email tickled me, Peter. I think it's going to be right in your wheelhouse as well. All right. But bear with me because it's not entirely for the faint of heart. So if you are eating your lunch or you're eating a delicious pot noodle with some cheese coleslaw in it, put it down there. Or you've just cracked into a fake egg, a fried egg,

and you're having it on a piece of plastic toast, put it down now because this is a belter. Tom says, good afternoon, Luke and Pete. It's too hot in London for me to do any work, so I thought I'd tell you a story from my childhood. At the time, it was a laugh, but now I'm older, I'm a little bit ashamed of. When I was a kid, have you read this email, Pete?

No. Okay, great. When I was a kid, around 14, my mum would take me and my two siblings down to stay with our grandparents in dorset lovely part of the world dorset while there the three children had to share a room which was always fun as we just mess around one time we had quite a lot of sweets before bed and we're all jacked up on sugar our gran had already come upstairs twice to tell us to be quiet and she wasn't a woman to mess with sadly we didn't take the warning and she was fuming when she came up a third time to tell us to shut up

as the eldest to show off in front of my younger siblings i thought it'd be funny to pull down my power ranger pjs bend over and aim a fart directly at my gran. What? No. Never do that. As I strained to get the fart out, I must have strained a bit too hard and a little nugget of poo shot out. Rolled across the floor and landed at the feet of my grandmother.

Rolled. Cue pandemonium as my siblings lost their shit. Podemonium. Someone lost their shit.-demonium someone lost their shit my gran went into a rage and I've never seen and I was in the worst trouble of my life

to make matters worse the poo left a stain on my gran's carpet for the rest of time and going back as an adult I'm always reminded

of the time I pooed at my gran take care and keep up the good work Tom the thing is minded at the time I pooed at my gran. Take care and keep up the good work Tom. The thing is the original act was foul enough. Pulling your pants down and

farting at your gran is bad enough. To be honest I would say rolling a little pebble of poop out probably less disrespectful. What do you reckon? I think the worst crime is being 14 and wearing Power Rangers PJs.

14? That's what he says. See, 14. That seems a little late in the day to be shitting at your nan. While dressed as a Power Ranger. It's a special look for a Power Ranger. Look, it's a special poo arrangement. Look, it's a strange...

I mean, really. It's not a nice thing to do at the best of times, but I almost think the poo makes it less problematic. There's no need for you to pull your pants down to fart. No, it's true. If you'd have done it with your Power Rangers PJs up, nobody would have been the wiser apart from you later on. So why would you pull your pants down to do a shit

so your gran could watch your puckering bumhole undulate? He's a little bastard, Tom. What a little bastard. What kind of kid are we dealing with? What a little bastard. Absolute melt. Little fucking bellend, Tom. I bet he's lovely as an adult, Tom.

Thank you very much for listening three man in but as a kid you were a shit um enjoyable the only kind of contribution i can make on that um theme was i can remember being quite a young kid i can't remember exactly how young but quite young and one of my mates did exactly that pulled his pants down to fart in front of us all and i could we all saw a bit of poo in his exactly that, pulled his pants down to fart in front of us all. And we all saw a bit of poo in his bum and it got sucked back in again. Oh, what?

It sort of came out and then it went back in again. Right, okay. I apologise for telling that story, but it's on message. I just had to contribute. But it was absolutely disgusting. But obviously at the time, I remember thinking it was the funniest thing i'd ever seen and on that

note the same guy um actually might have been a different guy in the same friendship group when we were a bit older we um we all went out to the pub and we stayed at my friend's house whose parents were away and um and my mate we all got back to the house and my mate was one of my mates was ravenously hungry so he went straight into the kitchen without turning the light on and um stuck his hand in a big bit of chocolate cake and shoved it in his mouth and it turned out to be dog food ah that's not too bad oh it's disgusting it's disgusting. It's absolutely disgusting. We've all had a little... We've all had a little munch on dog food before. Have you? Yeah.

I've eaten, like, a venison sausage. That's not dog food. Who feeds a dog that? People who treat their dogs with respect, in my opinion. So, basically, the dogs around you get fed better than you do. Actually, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah. I think... Well, yeah, they're not eating pot noodles with cheese on. I've just finished a book. so basically the dogs around you get fed better than you do actually that makes sense yeah yeah i think well yeah they're not eating pot noodles with cheese on i've just finished a book

i've just finished a book about um the greeley polar expedition i i shared it on my instagram um uh if you're interested at luke aaron more yeah you can read the whole thing that is piracy yeah no i just shared shared the cover and said that i've finished it because it's an amazing story i don't want to spoil it for cover and said that I've finished it because it's an amazing story. I don't want to spoil it for people who genuinely don't know the tale because it's well worth a read. The book itself is called Labyrinth of Ice. And anyway, to cut a long story short,

they end up having to survive on these rations because it's late 19th century when they're trying to explore and chart the polar, the far reaches of the arctic circle and stuff so at that point no one's got to the north pole they're vying with each other to try and get what they call farthest north and register how north they've been and at that point no one really knew what was at the north pole but anyway cut long story short usual story they get cut short because of the weather and they've got rations and i think there's a good amount of them in that expedition who survived i'm fairly certain survived for weeks if not months just on the dog biscuits that that had been fed to the dogs before

the dogs died on their expedition right so did they eat the dogs? I don't think they did, actually. I think what happened was they had to travel back along a certain amount of ice flows and the dogs just wouldn't come with them because it was too dangerous. And a couple of the really loyal ones jumped in the water

to try and swim after them, but drowned. So the dogs were kind of... It wasn't a case of having to eat the dog i don't think but but the um they had the dog what they would do this is getting to this is a bit of a deep dive now but what they would do is they'd have these thing called cairns and caches which are basically big rock um dry stone kind of it's hard to explain really little mini pyramids that other expeditions would leave supplies and rations and notes in.

It was like a kind of arctic postal service. And so it could save your life. If you stumbled across a cairn, you could get the food. And they found basically a load of dog biscuits in it, basically. But they'd gone mouldy, but they ate them anyway. Eat them anywhere. If you find, look, if you are stuck in the middle of nowhere. It would have been just like being at home for you.

First thing, look, I would have been just like being at home for you first thing look I would have brought me own human food don't think so mate that weird little tin stuff they've got fat in

anyway Pete listen Tom Poot it is grand what email have you got there I've got an email from Sean

from Whitley Bear hello to Sean hello Luke and Pete Luke you mentioned in the last show that you were some very naughty basketballers. You were prevented from competing in sport

in your final years of school. That is correct. This is a disgrace. You would have been treated better as a prisoner of war where collective punishment for an individual's transgressions is outlawed as a war crime by the Geneva Convention. Oh, right. You should send your local education authority to The Hague,

which I would love to see. I'd love to see what let you had right to allow that to happen. There's cogs of justice to go get moving. Inexplicably, my last email about a handmade Christmas card that my wife received from Tim Ewell at Mr Cut. So I'm hoping this one made it through. It did, Sean. And also, I have my previous offer.

My previous offer. So hot in here. My previous offer to become the Luke Peake Shore beer expert still stands. I've been a brewer for the last five years, but a COVID-induced redundancy has forced me to be back on the jobs market. I do know my onions when it comes to beer. And as I said before, it'll be another thing to slap on the CV. Sean from Whitley Beer, thank you.

You can indeed join our fleet of master brewers, though please do not put any onions in the brew when it comes to actually making them. Or beard hair. Beard hair, onions, maybe you could possibly put one of those, you know those flowering onions you get in American diners where they just kind of do some certain cuts on an onion and then sort of make it explode and then

throw it in the deep fat fryer and it looks delicious and they have like a blue cheese sauce oh man i want that i want that now one of the very best diners classic diners anywhere in the us is in um it's a place called shady glen in connecticut not far with my wife from where my wife's from and it's completely preserved exactly the same as it was i think in the US is in, it's a place called Shady Glen in Connecticut, not far from where my wife's from. And it's completely preserved, exactly the same as it was, I think, in the 50s, to the point where they only take cash and the waiters and waitresses

are all dressed in a certain way. They do the food exactly the same. Everyone's racist. It's a really cool place, though. It's really interesting. But speaking of the hay, right, that's completely past, not completely past the spy. No, but seriously, do you remember when that guy,

I think it was Slobodan Preliak, just drank poison in the morning and killed himself? Yeah, he had a big nose like my dad. He looked a bit like my dad. He did look a bit like your dad, actually. He just kind of like, he was very... And do you remember when that bloke got, he executed his,

I think he was like the personal bodyguard of a political leader or certainly an MP and he executed him in an art gallery or something. Do you remember? It looked like a movie, didn't it? Yeah. It really was like these sort of little things. And obviously, you know,

the shit happening in Belarus at the moment and these kind of Eastern European leaders, these strongman leaders. I find it quite hard to be strongman leaders in the edge of the internet, turns out, because people can't, you know, can't understand their bullshit. But, yeah, I just like the... We kind of forgot about that guy who drank. He became a bit of a meme for a bit, didn't he? Apparently, yeah, he basically said,

with disdain, I reject your verdict. I'm not a walking man. He drank a load of potassium cider, which made his heart stop. Hmm. Look, it's one way to go out, I guess. It's a strong exit, isn't it? It's not a French exit.

It's not a... I think the French call it an English exit, actually. I always call it a French exit and I think is that quite jingoistic yes it probably is but the French call it the English exit

so it's fine you've tied yourself up in a knot there and I'm just going to stay out of it but yeah I just thought for some reason when our lovely emailer

Sean mentioned the International Criminal Court at the Hague it just made me think I don't think put next to that my year 10 and 11 football team not being able to play due to the uh um transgressions of

the basketball team would i mean it's not really a priority case is it well i don't think the pe teacher will have access to that cyanide so there's no so he will he or she will see um the inside of a cell you'd imagine i don't think it was taken at PE teacher level, that decision. I think it was much higher, kind of deputy head slash head level. Oh, right. The PE teacher was just a puppet. Just being propped up. A puppet regime.

Actually, our PE teacher at the time was, we first had Mr. Tambini, and then we had Mr. Tambini, and then we had Mr. I want to say Mr. Worthington, but I don't think that's right. But either way, they were both really sound, and I used to like them both.

So I don't think they would have passed down such a savage and cruel and unusual punishment to us. I think it was taken at a higher level, and that person was just used as the conduit. Very, very dark day in the the the history of broom park community school yeah i always sort of think the um the the um p teachers i think every p teachers i've ever had has invariably been a little bit out of shape and you're like what what are you teaching us here why can't you not an example that's for sure well i bet i bet they were probably about my age now.

I bet they were probably about 38, 39. I reckon my peers were much younger than that. I reckon the one were in their mid-20s. Oh, yeah. Well, there was one beautiful man who turned up and he taught rugby because he'd clearly gone to a decent school and he was really good looking and all the guys fancied him. And instead of making us play football, which I enjoyed,

he made us play fucking rugby. Boring. A boy of your size with asthma is going to get pounded doing rugby. I'm all right. I can keep my mind to the bag when it comes to running up to wing. But if somebody catches me, I will cry. We had a piece of history at one point who at the same time was a midfield player for Gosport Borough, our local non-league team. So he used to go and watch them at the weekends.

That's decent. Yeah, I know. So he was obviously a very impressive young man. Don't know what he's doing now. Who knows? Listen, let's get out of here, Pete. That's enough for us this week. Give him a ring.

Ask him out for a drink. If you're listening, Mr. Oh, Mr. Wellington. That was his name. If you're listening, Mr. Wellington, hello at lukeandpeatshow.com. Get in touch. He's probably a pilot by now.

Get in touch and we'll see you guys on Monday. Do let us know all of your beautiful and interesting stories about things we've talked about this week, not just today but on Monday as well. And we look forward to hearing from you. Have a lovely weekend. Make the most of the nice weather. And we'll speak to you again soon.

Say goodbye, Peter. I'm off for a cold shower. And it's goodbye from me as well. because it's hot because i'm horny bye this was a stakhanov production and part of the ACAST Creative Network.