The Luke and Pete Show - Aliens, A&E and One Big Canal Catastrophe

Episode Date: May 3, 2021

It’s another Jim Campbell special!On today’s show, Luke’s joined by none other than The Crappening star, Jim Campbell! While Pete’s busy celebrating his birthday, Jim’s popped in to update us on his recent A&E trips, ghastly family members and Saturday night drunken antics.We also discuss aggressively meaty pizzas and dads with 'sizeable backyards' before our friendly parrot emailer gets back in touch with some exciting updates. Get involved!This week we want to hear about your worst drunken antics after a few pints down the pub! Have you ever made it into a canal? Let us know - [e-mail] or @lukeandpeteshow on the socials. Cheers!If you're enjoying the show, drop us a review over on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. 5 stars will do. Thanks! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, it's Monday the 3rd of May, a bank holiday no less, and it's time for a very special episode, or the start of a week of episodes, of the Luke and Pete show. Because it's not the Luke and Pete show today, it's the Luke and... Jim show. Hi Jim. Hi. How's it going? It's good, I'm Pete this week, which is terrifying. Yeah. Absolutely terrifying way to live your life. I think it's good I'm Pete this week which is terrifying absolutely

terrifying way to live your life I think it's a great way to start people who listen to football ramble regularly and they've listened to this show in the past will know that know all about you and how um fantastic and amazing you are um not even sarcastic that um different show isn't it different tone true but for people who don't know Jim, why don't you just give us a sum up of yourself in a couple of sentences? So I am Jim Campbell. I am a podcaster, as you know, a stand-up comedian, as you may know.

I also do a YouTube channel called We Like Old Adverts. And this week I fell into a canal. Great. We're going to come on to that. Yeah. But how does it feel to be Pete at the moment? Is it pressure? There is a little bit of pressure.

I've been Pete before. And you survived? I survived. Yeah, I was never quite the. I've been Pete before. And you survived. I survived. Yeah, I was never quite the same. But, you know, here we are. So this is very... Lots of people think, oh, well, Jim's come into the show

and it's difficult for him because he's not used to doing it. It's arguably as difficult for me because I cannot emphasise enough all I do, and all producer Nat does as well, alongside all their other really important work, is we just find things Pete will get involved with and and vibe with it's almost like poking him with a stick

and letting him go yeah and I want to like confirm as well we probably did this the last time was on like he is like that all the time and to the point where I did I did it had a show in Edinburgh once where someone came up to me you do if you do part of the free fringe you have this really undignified bit at the end where you hold up a bucket asking people to then just put some money in because it's a better financial model than some of the other ones, basically. And someone just said to me at the end of it, is he really like that? I was like, yeah, he

is. And I don't need to clarify what or who you mean. Yes. Well, we got asked that at an interview once, a press interview, didn't we? And I think Marcus said, I think we underplay how weird he is. And people think it's effective that we overplay it, but actually we probably underplay it because there's loads of stuff that's happened

that he's done that we probably just don't remember. Which is the way he looks at the world. It's like the hippo thing. Yeah. When he was, where was he? Was he in Kenya? Somewhere he was on holiday. And a baby hippo came into the cafe,

started running amok, and one of the waiters hit it with a metal tray. And apparently went, boom. And his first thought was, not get out of the way of this ramp with a metal tray and apparently went boom and his first thought was not get out of the way of this rampaging hippo he was like I'll never hear that sound again

and he hasn't well no I assume he won't he absolutely hasn't so we're looking forward to you spending the next however long in Pete's shoes

yep I'm not going to try and ape Pete no because it's dangerous just be yourself good luck good luck being yourself

and what about that I'll talk about that I'll find somewhere between you need it and last time you were on you told us all about the crappening yes

which was great and I recommend people go back and listen to that episode that was really funny that was I absolutely lost my mind I had to stop recording it was so funny

so I'm looking forward to this today why don't you start off Jim by telling us the let's be honest because you told a little bit of a pre-seed version

of the story on the Ramble this week. I've heard bits and pieces about it. I want to hear the proper story now, and I think our listeners do too, because you are known as being a hapless man. Yes. You do things that you don't intend quite a lot. Yes. Not problematic things.

I'm not talking about cancelling things. Not quite. Just like clumsy things. Yeah. And this is probably... Did this come into the top three of things you've done that are stupid? It's certainly up there. I mean, it's quite telling.

I had to, I've had to sort of kind of shuffle through the records of my mind to absolutely check that this is the first time I've fallen into a canal. It felt surprising to me that I hadn't heard about you doing it before. It might have happened when I was a kid, but I think I just saw someone else fall in and the memories have got all jumbled up. But you wonder, don't you, what type of person falls into a canal every time you're on a canal. And if like me, you have wondered, it's you.

It's the sort of person that wonders. So, yeah, I was out with some friends and they was with some friends. It was quite nice, actually. One of the first kind of like now pubs are open again and we can sit outside. It's like, oh, friends of friends, new people. It's nice to meet some new people. One of those people has a houseboat. The pub shut early and she was like,

well, should we come back to my boat? There's like an outside area on it so we could sit on it safely and legally, or in theory, safely anyway. So yeah, simply we had a few drinks. It was time to go home. And I just missed i stepped off just stepped off the boat onto what i thought was the canal side and then before i

knew it i was just just in the drink how drunk were you out of 10 oh it was i mean i don't remember it very well so it's got to be about an eight okay and and how deep was the canal how deep were you expecting well i didn't actually go fully in i only went up to my waist which means my phone didn't die or anything. My jacket doesn't stink of canal water. Actually, I got the white privilege version of falling in a canal. There were no consequences for it.

No. Apart from bruised ribs and some very bruised legs as well. How did you bruise your ribs? I think because the gap between the boat and the canal side was quite small. I think I actually hit the canal side was quite small i think i actually hit the canal side with my ribs on the way down like it must have been that yeah i've

bruised ribs before and they it's going to take about a month to to heal i think so i was looking forward to coming out of coming out of lockdown in in in pretty good shape you know just like great well thank you but i can't exercise so i'm going to come out out of shape and addicted to codeine. You've always been addicted to codeine. Now I've started taking it. I think, yeah, it is the thing I've been missing throughout my life. It doesn't seem to ease the pain, but it makes you feel like you're walking on a cloud.

How did you get out? I was dragged out by my friend, who's also really clumsy, a really, really clumsy man. And I do feel like the two of us being there created this sort of clumsy void that I happened to step into first. Did you consider that to be an emergency where you could abandon social distancing for that moment?

Yeah, I feel that... I'm in a fucking canal. I need to get out somehow. Can you get me out, please? Yeah. There are worse diseases in here, I'm sure. So yeah, he dragged me out, which I think might have been what scraped my legs up.

But yeah, I mean, I didn't go to A&E until yesterday, and this happened on Saturday evening. And I don't think it's even the worst reason I've been to A&E. The worst reason you've been to A&E is because you had a splinter. Yeah, I don't know if it even is, though. I think these probably are the top three. There was a splinter right i'll explain the splinter story which is it sounds bad when i say well it is i mean you know it can't be it can't be that you just went to annie for a splinter it is that um but but i'll

tell you how it happened basically um in my old flat we broke somehow we broke the um we broke the string that opened the the window in the in the living room. Cause it was one of those like pulley systems, really old flat. Um, and so we, we had kind of a stick to keep it open. It looked like a little plank of wood. I don't know where it came from.

And, uh, when I was picking it up, I evidently had a splinter in it. I didn't realize. And I, I jammed it right into the underside of my thumbnail. Right.

It was obviously quite painful. One of the worst places you can do that. And it was, it hurt a bit. It woke me up in the night, like throbbing so badly. It was to the point where it was like, oh, this seems really bad.

It seems infected. So in the morning, it still hurt. I phoned 111. And the thing with 111 is they are just people that work in a call centre, aren't they? Like if I came into the office and went, I've jammed this splinter into my thumb and it really hurts

you'd probably go I don't know mate just go to A&E so I try to I try to put myself in the shoes of myself working in a call centre which is what the

111 people are and of course they just tell you to go to A&E so they did I was like really for a splinter

I went to A&E it was a splinter stuck in my thumb so it wasn't infected there was nothing they could do they just sent me home and as I was sort of like so you're one of the few people who've gone to A&E it was a splinter stuck in my thumb so it wasn't infected there was nothing they could do they just sent me home and as I was sort of like you're one of the few people who've gone to A&E essentially just for confirmation yeah essentially yeah because I was when they tell you that you should go at that point you've got to override how stupid it seems and think well if they're

saying I should go then I should go right yeah because you if you if you ignore that advice it's on you yeah big time completely completely so when i sort of i remember like kind of checking out i don't i mean i don't know why that would have happened because as far as i remember it i certainly didn't check out of any the other day um but yeah the the woman was that was checking me out was like yeah so it's just a splinter uh i expect you feel pretty silly silly. I was like, yeah. Did she actually say that? She did say that. Yeah, she did.

Do you reckon she was on there at the end of a long shift? Possibly, or even if she was at the beginning of a very quiet shift, the quietest shift that's ever been known in A&E. Still not unreasonable, is it?

No. But Match of the Day was on. So actually, the whole time I was sat in the waiting room, I would just watch Match of the Day, which is what I would have done anyway. Were there any drunk people in there? Actually, no.

No, this was a different time time this is the other stupid reason confused between between pointless a and e visits yeah this the other one actually one of the catalysts for why i lost loads of weight i ended up losing two stone because um i'd ordered a pizza like a whole big fat boy pizza to yourself yourself? To myself. Yeah. When I was just eating really badly. Wasn't in a good place. I think it might've been one of those really like aggressively meaty ones. Right. Where it's just all kinds of different, like a farmyard on there.

Like a meat feast or a meteor or like a farmyard massacre. Yeah. Or like. Meet me in the A&E. Yeah. Pizza som. I don't know. Like,

it's just like a battlefield on there like absolutely horrific so i'd ordered one of those and i was slightly excited to eat it so i was like you know when you like you half run upstairs yeah so i'd half run upstairs dropped the pizza right obviously that's a disaster so in slow-mo um i've i've kind of moved to try and save it. And in doing so, I just, I didn't quite, didn't quite catch it. I sort of flipped it in the air. Luckily it landed so the pizza was safe, but I smashed my arm into the windowsill

like really, really badly. And it like, it was really stiff, like really swollen straight away. So obviously I ate the pizza in loads of pain. I was like, oh oh this isn't going away either so I went away and ate and again

nothing was broken got to watch match of the day thought I probably need to have a word with myself about how I'm living my life and everyone else was like finally

here he is again that's unbelievable Jim so you could also the one thing that's really fascinating about this I think is that you are capable of doing almost a whole half of a show

just about your A&E visits. Top three A&E visits as well. Yeah, there's loads more. There's probably some more. My flatmate as well, who's otherwise not clumsy, she was bitten by a dog once, which you don't really hear that much. So she went to A&E

and she explained that she was bitten by this dog. And the person in A&E started describing the dog. It's like, oh yeah, that dog bites people all the time. Wow.

And they come in. It's a homeless person's dog. So the homeless person will come in and they can't treat her because the dog won't let them get anywhere near her.

And obviously, there's this dog in A&E that might bite people and he's regularly sending people down there. And obviously, no one wants to be the person that goes,

ugh. That's a sad situation. Yeah, it's really tragic. Yeah. And obviously no one wants to be the person that goes, ugh, I'm going to tell the police. Yeah, it's really tragic. Yeah. And I remember I got bitten by a dog when I was like seven years old. Really? Yeah, seven. It probably happened a lot more in the 80s or something.

Yeah, I imagine so. It's quite an 80s thing to happen. They're all high on the chalk in their food that made their shit white. So I remember jumping over a fence to get a ball back. This is like a really cliched, like, working class boy story. You back pocket as well. Copy the Beano rolled up.

And I jumped over a fence to get a ball back and there's a dog in there. And I knew the dog kind of. Obviously, I was seven, so I was far less likely to understand the different nuances of a dog's territory. Yeah. The dog had always been really friendly.

He's walking out. We live in a very small terraced house. There's just people all on top of each other so you kind of get to know each other pretty well and you'd always see the guy walking his dog and you stroke it it'd be fine anyway i jumped into the garden the dog didn't like it right and i think the parents probably the parents the dog the owners of the dog might have been out of work or whatever and it bit me between the fingers there and so i had to go to the doctor and have a jab and everything but the worst thing about that was and i think i've said had to go to the doctor and I had to have a jab and everything. But the worst thing about that was, and I've said this to people listening before, tells you everything you need to know about my family.

I'm now 40. So 33 years later, my family still will take any opportunity to say to everyone that I'm frightened of dogs. Which is just categorically not true. They always just say it. Oh, watch out, there's a dog. It's like, I'm 40.

Stop it. That's what happens. Your dad do that kind of stuff. Oh, yeah. Did I tell you this story before? I think I did, didn't I, about when I was having night terrors? No, I don't think so.

I don't think you told that story. I used to have night terrors quite a lot when I was younger, which you get like sleep paralysis and you have hallucinations and things like that. And the first one I ever had was when I was at my mum and dad's house

and I saw this person walking in my room. I thought it was my brother stood at the end of the bed how about this kind of weird how old were you i would have been in my early 20s as well apparently it's because there's frontal lobes of your brain still growing at that point so it's apparently quite common in men in particular my brain's not been growing for some time so um my brother my my ghost brother then turned and walked into the wardrobe and just disappeared i was like how's he learned to do that? That's not a thing. So you're awake and kind of, you think you're awake, but you're not.

That's exactly right. Yeah. So your body is kind of, you're in this between state where you can't move, but you're seeing things that you think are real. And so I went to a neurologist about it, which is where I learned the frontal lobe thing. And my dad just wouldn't have it. To this day, he's like,

I think it was a ghost. Like, to this day. To the point, I'll be at family parties and an aunt of mine once came up to me, she was like, oh, I hear you saw a ghost. I was like, no. Your dad thinks that's a more likely explanation? Yeah, he does.

Yeah. And it's like, he thinks, what I think doesn't matter. Yeah, no. What have you got to do with it? Exactly, yeah. It's only your experience. He thinks it's like he thinks what I think doesn't matter yeah no what have you got to do exactly yeah it's only your experience he thinks it's more likely

because he's full of stuff like that he said the last time I was at home which was obviously a long time ago now he was talking about how if aliens ever did decide to invade us we wouldn't have a chance

and it's just like how has he how has he made these calculations how has he stacked this stuff up he's well into like ghosts and aliens it's quite a dad thing

it's a certain type of dad to really get into that kind of thing i think it is pretty dad behaving we'll talk a little bit more about dad behind you later and probably on thursday as well but the um because it's a really ripe seam to be mining but it's funny you said it because i never really considered my dad to be like that but then now i think about it there were quite a lot of paranormal books in my house growing up. I wonder again if that was quite an 80s thing. Well, actually, I'll tell you where

that will come from. Have you seen Hypernormalization? Yes. There's a bit in it where there's this guy who lived near, I think, Roswell,

where the people working at Roswell doing whatever it is they actually do there rather than hiding aliens. Oh, you mean Area 51? Yes. They made a point of

not quite funding but encouraging his idea that aliens were being hidden at Area 51 and all this conspiracy stuff and the stuff he was seeing in the night sky was aliens rather than stealth bombers, which I think they were testing at the time. And there was an interview with a guy from, I think the CIA,

just confirming that they deliberately did that. It's like they just messed with this guy to make, to give him some credibility, to make people think that like UFOs are a real danger. And we, we actually are seeing them in the sky all the time. And I just, I couldn't help,

but look at that and just think that might be my dream job. Yeah. Like, can you just convince this guy like seeing aliens? What sort of budget for it? job. Yeah. Like, can you just convince this guy that he's seeing aliens? What sort of budget for it? CIA, mate. Fuck yes, I can do that.

Have you done it yet, Joe? Put an A&E. I don't have a chance. How'd you hurt yourself? Aliens. Yeah. I thought you were going to say that it was to do with the X-Files.

Well, that'll be part of it as well, won't it? Because X-Files was massive, wasn't it? It was a huge cultural thing. Yeah, I was so into it. And do you remember they had stories around it that it was based on real government files? Yeah, and I think one of the things that's interesting about it is that there are clearly things that happen in the world

and the universe more broadly that not everyone can instantly explain. Yeah, of course. That happens, right? And then what happens is you have a vacuum that's filled because the vacuum exists because people can't explain it and that's when the thing

takes off and I also think that that thing in the 90s with the X-Files and with the paranormal stuff people this is basically a pre-internet age

so it was a lot more kind of organic and natural that people were just massively into it and maybe people just do want to have like an idea that there's stuff outside

that they don't really know about and all the rest of it. Because I remember reading, I think it was Professor Brian Cox, who I'm actually allowed to talk about on this show because Pete's not here because Pete won't have it. He doesn't like him.

He says he looks like he's wearing a death mask of his own face and so he can't listen to him. He gets to be in his bonnet about the oddest things, doesn't he? Yeah. And he said that actually

I can explain I can essentially rule out ghosts because they go against the laws of physics and we all have to agree that we live

within the laws of nature because they're never suspended they're constant and ghosts can't exist because of that reason

so even if you want to talk about them coming from another dimension well there's actually a lot of theoretical physics study that's been done about other dimensions,

and the claims you're making kind of contravene them. So you can kind of rule it out that way. But UFOs, the UFO just stands for unidentified flying objects. Absolutely. So that stealth bomber would have been a UFO. Unidentified. Yeah. Unidentified.

And we put out to our listeners, get in touch with us on the email about all the UFOs you've seen. Nice. We shouldn't have done it because it was just blokes on the way back from the pub saying, I'm pretty sure back in 1998 at this village,

I saw this thing in the sky. Bloody X-Files. I was on the thick end of 15 pints and it was in the middle of the night. What do you reckon? Take me to your dealer. Yeah. Well, I was wearing a T-shirt

saying I like the Pope. The Pope smokes dope. What do you think? I think you were pissed. That's what I think. Yeah, absolutely. You saw a plane or something weird, who knows? But I also interviewed a guy for another show

that we were about to do, and he's a physicist who's made a load of claims about UFOs and about a particular celestial body that came through the solar system called Uma Guma. Have you heard of it? Yeah, this is fairly recent, right? Yeah, right.

So the reason it was so fascinating is because it's the first observed, confirmed foreign celestial being that's not originated in the solar system. And this guy was saying, well, look at the shape of it. You need to check it out because it could be a foreign

alien made piece of technology because he was saying that actually what's not considered is that the technology created by these foreign these potential

extraterrestrial civilisations is going to last a lot longer than any biological material I mean even if it were a sort of probe that's going to get here first that's what we're doing

you know we've landed on other planets without having physically been there. You're taking credit for that, though, the way you said that. We're not going to do it, are we? Yeah, like a commentator. They flew a helicopter on Mars the other day. A little mini drone helicopter on Mars.

Fucking hell. It's amazing. It's good, isn't it? Yeah. I think so much of this stuff is the ingredient that is the most fascinating and this is why people can't let go of it, is the unknown. As you say, it's the vacuum you fill yourself. There's something I'm fascinated with. It's in space. It's called, I think it's pronounced Boots Void.

And it's a void that's something like 600,000 light years across. And there's practically nothing in it, which is fascinating to me. It's like, it's the largest known super void and obviously the you know the the kind of really out there idea is that it's a it's some far-off civilization has created dyson spheres to suck up the energy from the stars in it so we can't see it because the light's not getting there um but you know a lot of a lot of you know experts on this sort of thing say that's extremely, extremely unlikely but at the same time they don't know what it is

because it's absurd for that amount of space to have nothing in it and it's endlessly interesting to me because I'm pretty sure I can never know what it actually is. Apparently it's 330 million light years across and for those who don't know what that means that means a light year is a measure of distance

that it takes the lights to travel in a year. So at the speed of light for a year, it's one light year. 330 million light years is ridiculous. So what the fuck is that? Apparently it's 0.27% of the diameter of the observable universe. It's astonishing, isn't it?

Yeah. Absolutely astonishing. It's so fascinating. Yeah. Do you reckon you could It's astonishing, isn't it? Yeah. Absolutely astonishing. It's so fascinating. Yeah. Do you reckon you could find an A&E in it? I could probably fall in it. Yeah. It's crazy, mate.

What's going on out there is absolutely insane. And I think we should all acknowledge that. But you're right. It's the unknown. And one of the things I think is quite hard for human beings to accept is there's just so many things that we're never going to understand, let alone in our lifetimes. So I'd bloody love us to discover

like another civilization, as like a civilized alien civilization. I do think that- Careful, apparently we wouldn't stand a chance. No, we probably wouldn't. I'd probably go and see your old man. He's obviously got some plans. But if we saw a little microscopic piece of life,

that would be cool. It's an amazing thing. But it's a bit underwhelming. Yeah, absolutely. I don't want to denigrate their hard work, the scientists, because what have I ever done? Nothing. But it's not an amazing thing to get excited about necessarily

for your everyday life, is it? No, absolutely. Microbes are not what we're here for. Absolutely right. Listen, let's have a quick break. When we come back, we're going to do some emails, but I also want to talk to you, Jim, about

a story involving bears acting like dogs, because I don't know if I fully understand it and whether it's just a typo. Hopefully it's not. Back in a minute. This week at Sukarnov. On the latest episode of Between the Lines with Melissa Reddy,

Melissa speaks to footballer Lee Nicol, who in 2019 was hacked and had intimate footage leaked online. Lee opens up about the impact it had on her and how she came back from it. The first mental impact, it was sheer shock. It was panic attacks. It was shame. It was guilt.

I think I felt every single sense of emotion. It felt a little bit like grief, as if I had lost someone, but I hadn't lost someone. The only person I think I'd lost was myself. Meanwhile, on the latest On The Continent on Football Ramble Presents, Dotton, Andy and Magwell Delaney unpack everything surrounding the Super League

and how it has changed football forever. When you watch a Champions League game, when you watch, say, Manchester United in Champions League, Real Madrid in Champions League, it's not just a match. It's that every single minute of the match is imbued with seven decades of history. The Super League has none of that.

It was getting quite sad for that, that we were going to lose this and have to face this monstrosity. All that and a whole lot more at Sikhanov. Welcome back to the Luke and Jim show this week with me and uh jim campbell jim you're very welcome here thanks for your chat so far and before the break i said that um you've wanted to share a story with us about a bear's acting like dogs i don't really know what to make of it yeah there is a weird thing happening in california where bears are just starting to be

kind of nice and friendly and like just coming up to people and they're letting them pet them then they get really sick and they die that's a bad which is the the bad thing absolutely but apparently they they're not like responding to being clapped or shooed which is fascinating to me that you can normally kind of shoo a bear away like that and that they sort of get like, all right, this thing doesn't consider itself food. I'm going to find something that does.

So my in-laws, so my brother-in-law, my father-in-law, quite competent outdoorsman, right? To the point of where my brother-in-law, Evan, he works out in the field all the time. He's like,

he does a lot of biology work and he knows all about this stuff, right? He's kind of a guy that like, if you dropped him in the wilderness, the time. He's like a, he does a lot of biology work and he knows all about this stuff, right? He's the kind of guy that like, if you dropped him in the wilderness, he'd be fine. Like the other day, there was a family FaceTime catch up because Mimi's got a load of brothers and sisters

and he was FaceTimed in on 4G and his phone, obviously, in the car he was currently living in. Wow. And my wife was like, Evan, you need to find somewhere to live. You can obviously, in the car he's currently living in. Wow. And my wife was like, Evan, you need to find somewhere to live. You can't live in a car. It's like, I know it's getting warmer,

but you still can't really live in a car, but he just does that stuff. Yeah. And he's brilliant on bears. He knows about all the different types of bears and what to do with them, but I can never remember, because some of them, Jim,

you're supposed to make a lot of noise. Yeah. And some of them, you're supposed to just stay deadly still or whatever or run away. And if you get it wrong, you're basically dead. It's like bear roulette. Isn't it, if you see a load of noise and some of them you're supposed to just stay deadly still or whatever or run away and if you get it wrong you're basically dead it's like bear roulette

isn't it if you see a load of bears you're meant to find the biggest bear go up to him and kick the shit out of him yeah or is that prison

I think I think that's a high what I would call a high risk strategy mate but so bears are getting so essentially bears are getting ill but it's making them

act like dogs in the in between bit yeah between them getting very sick and they lose a lot, but it's making them act like dogs. In the in-between bit, yeah. Between them getting very sick and they lose a lot of weight. It's really sad. They actually, it seems there's a lot of mystery around it. And it's very tragic.

They get very emaciated from the pictures I've seen of this. But as I say, in the in-between bit, they are a little bit disorientated. And there's a video of just a guy on his snowboard and a bear coming up to him and just investigating him and sort of like giving him a little nuzzle and like then just wandering off again, just almost like a dog, like a sort of friendly dog,

just kind of going hello and then getting on with its day. And I just wonder if there's a way we can isolate this part of the disease. That part of it, yeah. And then we can have like a dart that will make anything like a dog i can think of a few people i'd use it on 100 but i do think like with dogs right and they're not descended from wolves they are wolves like a pug and a wolf

is the same they share 100 dna which is astonishing really like well it's just it's just selective breeding, isn't it? And different characteristics have been bred into different types of dog, but they are all the same. And they started as wolves. Obviously, the radius between human camps and wild wolves got smaller and smaller as food was left out and they got tamer by nature because it was beneficial

to both groups. And I just think we know how to do that. Why aren't we doing it with everything? Like we could make dogs like, yeah, well, you know, we've got a long time. Exactly, yeah. Little giraffe.

I think you do hear of like, in different parts of the world, people having different types of animals as pets. There's that famous one. I mean, a couple of listeners sent in an email about it. Stu for the honey badger. The guy, I don't know. Who owned a honey

I mean you can't truly own a honey badger this South African guy had a honey badger as a pet called Stouffer and he couldn't

stop it getting out of the enclosure I think I've seen that because they're so smart aren't they so they'll just build a little like wall

to get over your wall so he ended up keeping it in this disused swimming pool but it kept using things like sticks and rakes to climb out and it just disappeared it always come back yeah and it got to the point where i just don't think he wants it to come out it became like a joint it became like a battle yeah i would have probably just thought let it get out yeah let it

come back again but i think the problem was it was going through the bins it was attacking snakes yeah he didn't really want snakes in his property it was going out and finding snakes and bringing them back useful it was basically like an Asbo pet. Oh, totally. I mean, if you're unfamiliar with the honey badger, their diet is snakes and beehives. They are like absolute agents of chaos. And they've got really, really thick skin around their neck.

And it moves as well. So they can wriggle out of things. Well, it's specifically for big cats, isn't it? So if like a lion bites its neck, it will swing it around to try and do the whole death roll thing and the honey badger will be like, whatever, mate. Whatever.

Do this all day. Don't care. Add a couple of snakes earlier, I'm not even going to get hungry. And they've got punk haircuts as well. They do. And they always look furious because they are.

They're amazing. Yeah. I wonder what it'd be like. It'd be good to experience one in person, but probably a little bit terrifying. Let's do some emails. So basically, hello at lukeandpeach.com

is the email address, as you all know, at Luke and Peach, you're on Twitter, at Luke and Peach, you're also on Instagram. Jim, last week, we asked our listeners

to get in touch and talk about, we were talking about monster trucks, right? Monster trucks used to be massive, again, in the 80s. Yeah. You never hear of them now.

They've disappeared. Like, when was the last time? It's pretty true. When was the last time? So in my memory, the same way everyday people now will see a poster up on a billboard for a fun fair coming to town yes you used to get monster truck posters you did when was the last time you saw one doesn't long time ago i think this is this is the sort of stuff that's going to age us isn't it like pre-internet stuff where people think we're just making it up no it happened and and um so we got talking about that dad's into monster trucks obviously because they're dads

and um we asked people to get in touch with the biggest thing that your dad had bought that you could remember and daniel's been in touch and this is a great one right this is why it's my favorite you'll hear straight away from the first sentence the biggest thing my dad ever bought was a putting green he has a pretty sizable backyard and a very dad-like golf addiction a few years back he somehow convinced my mom to let him have a putting green in the garden it's big enough for four different hole locations with different slopes around the turf and two separate mats with different lengths rough to practice chipping there's also a little square of turf a few yards away to practice pitching onto the green

this is a very extreme example of dad behavior it really is isn't it it's amazing it's astonishing to practice chipping. There's also a little square of turf a few yards away to practice pitching onto the green. This is a very extreme example of dad behaviour. It really is, isn't it? It's amazing. It's astonishing. I'm amazed this even exists. So is it like a movable thing? No, it doesn't really say.

I've always thought a movable hedge maze would be pretty cool. If I could design my own dream mansion. You could change it around each time. Yeah, or someone else does it. So it's always different to you. That's not 18. That's a very 18th century, that. Well, yeah. So, you know, it's always different to you. That's not 18th. That's a very 18th century, that. Well, yeah.

But this is the sort of mad house I want. Have you seen The Shining? I have. That's Macy and that's amazing. Yeah, it's incredible. It's amazing. Really, really good. Nice, nice.

I didn't even mean that. The passing green, though. I mean, how do you even conceptualise that? So, Gareth Bale's got, what, a three-golf hole golf course? So, this is bigger than Gareth Bale's got like a three golf hole. So this is bigger than Gareth Bale's? This has got four holes on it, hasn't it? No, because I think that's just a green. Gareth Bale's got four proper holes.

Probably with water and sand and everything. Yeah, of course he has. And I also think that's a bit weird because I understand at the first thought that sounds really good. But they're rigid and they're staying there and you're going to learn

if you're good at golf, which apparently he is, you're going to be able to nail them pretty easily. It's going to be pretty boring for you other than just to keep your swing in. You're better off going

to a really exclusive golf club. Unless someone moves the hole. Yeah, true. Changes it up every day. True. Keeps you on your toes. It's possible. It is possible.

I also wanted to do an email here from Eric because Eric got in touch last week and said that he listens to Luke and Pete show with his parrot, right? I probably should have said that. And he sent a couple of pictures which didn't render properly.

And then we also asked him for some more information. So I can confirm he's got back in touch and told us a bit more about his parrot. And it's a beautiful looking parrot. I have to say. Very, very nice to look at. Because we weren't sure what type it was. I'm going to show you a picture now.

And there's Eric and his parrot listening to the show. Oh. Bright yellow. He's a great parrot. Yeah. He looks like a big mango. He does. He's very mango.

He's very tequila sunrise. There's another picture of him with his green plumage. Oh. Beautiful, beautiful parrot. A beautiful bird. Yeah, lovely bird and eric said that um sorry the pictures were messed up in my last email i've attached them again this time hopefully it works it has worked um he said a few notes on my um power the captain is called

captain he said he's a sun canoe which um i don't really know much about but i think it's a form of parakeet it's a medium size size, slightly bigger parakeet than ones you see flying around London. He says, in terms of the ethics of pet birds, Captain was bred in captivity. If he was free, he would probably have no idea how to find food and be very quickly eaten. So fair enough. As a mango.

Yeah. His wings aren't clipped and he's flying around the house and hanging out with the wife and I most of the time we're home. He also has three cages. A home cage, which he uses for naps and quiet time. A giant play cage where he can look out two windows and yell at the neighbours. An outside cage in the backyard.

We also have a special backpack. We sometimes walk him around the neighbourhood in. Aww. What do you think about this, Jim? I'm a big fan of it. I wonder how many animal listeners you have. It's amazing. This is the first one you've heard of.

He's got his own little backpack. Yeah, I don't know if any other... I wonder what goes in it. He wonder how many animal listeners you have. It's amazing. It's the first one you've heard of. He's got his own little backpack. Yeah, I don't know of any other. I wonder what goes in it. He says, as I write this email, Captain is watching my female pit bull dog sleep. That's one of his favourite activities

and he's deeply in love with my dog. He's similarly in love with a giant stuffed penguin though and an air purifier. Some of his other favourite activities include watching our dogs play, preening us, flying sick manoeuvres around the house, playing with a little ball in his cage and screaming

at stuff. He likes being read to, he likes chewing things and he also watches quite a lot of YouTube. He's not into music like some birds are, but he loves to enjoy podcasts, especially your show. That said, his favourite thing to listen to is, weirdly, recordings of air raid sirens. How do you know if the bird's enjoying it? Yeah, and how do you know if something does or doesn't like something? Why have you gone for air raid sirens over, I don't know,

like ice cream van music? Which is a much more pleasant sound. Yeah, to us maybe. Do you remember that bird? I think it's called the minor bird that can mimic other sounds. Yes. And the sad thing was that apparently they've witnessed them now being able to mimic the sounds

of chainsaws because of deforestation how bad is that? that's really sad that's a sad indictment anyway the email finishes by saying

he watches a lot of movies but his absolute favourite movie is Beowulf with Angelina Jolie he can watch it all from start to finish apparently

weird yeah amazing he's got a wide vocabulary as well I should say he can say hi captain captain

can I have a kiss? Thank you. Good night. Damn it. Get off. And he can bark like a dog. He can mimic the water droplet noises in the tap. He can do a sneeze and a cough.

And he can do the light switch. Wow. Yeah. Genius. Pretty good. He says it requires a lot of TLC, but there's nothing quite like watching Captain climb into his cage and go to bed,

make a light switch noise to tell you to turn the light off, and then whisper goodnight as you cover his cage. I'm trying to think of the words and sounds he's got there. Could he be plotting an escape? Could be. Just with different sound effects. Do they know? So no one even notices.

Is it all mimicry or do they know what they're doing? I mean, I'm not qualified to say, really. Presumably, like, presumably like i mean obviously dogs and parrots have very very different brains but the dog i live with he um yes you have access to the dog i have access to he has i swear he understands english basically like because there's a time he was playing on my bed right and he went to he went to pick up like a USB cord or something like that. And I just said, not that one. And he put it down. He's like, he knows no, but he doesn't know like not that one.

Maybe he recognised the first syllable, but it was like he understood English. And there are bits like that where he clearly understands a little bit more. I'm not saying he understands actual language, but it's like he can pick up on a tone. And I don't know, maybe birds are the same. you if he's having something repeated to himself a lot he must know what have an idea of why he's saying good night when it's time to say good night yeah so i remember speaking to someone once called dr barbara king who's one of the foremost experts in animal

communication right and she said a lot of the um work that's gone towards trying to say verbally communicate with um the great apes who are obviously very intelligent and they can do like three four hundred words of sign language and have conversations and stuff she said that like that's all well and good right but actually a lot of the really super intelligent animals they're communicating you they're actually communicating to you in quite a detailed way but just humans can't really understand it and you need to kind of flip on its head you almost need to it's not about teaching animals language it's about learning how to recognize what they're already doing yeah and you could actually develop a far greater

understanding with them um particularly around things like usb cables and dogs yeah which could be a really fertile ground for further research well actually you know dogs sneeze to let you know that they're playing no so like if a dog so right if a dog i didn't expect you to say that so you know when a dog will be like if you're playing tug of war with a dog it would go like while it's doing it all right okay so that's what that is that's the dog they do it with each other that's the dog going i'm not really trying to bite your neck i am just playing and they do that with people as well so Crisp the dog I have access to that's Crisp with a P

he's not called Chris he sneezes all the time like more than any dog I've ever known because he basically just wants to play he wants to play all the time so he sneezes all the time

there was a time where we just sneeze around the house at him just almost like mimicking him just because it's become a little shorthand thing

that we all do but there was a time where I must have got the tone exactly right because he looked at me in the same way i would look at him as if he said hello mate how you doing he did a proper double take he couldn't believe it and he like he he ran off and got my slipper ran back to play with it with like it was it was like i spoke you cracked a coat yeah absolutely that it was amazing um i've tried and no i don't think i could i think because i i accidentally did a little bit with it with. It was like I spoke to it. You cracked a code. Yeah, absolutely that. It was amazing. Could you replicate anything? I've tried, and no, I don't think I could.

I think because I accidentally did a little bit of a real sneeze somehow, and I think it was... I think this is huge interest to the animal communication community. Absolutely. If you are the Rosetta Stone of animal communication

through your mild, medium, and sneezing, that's going to be huge for everyone. Well, maybe it's one for the listeners. Try sneezing at your dogs. Do that.

Double take. 100% do that. Sneeze at your dogs. Do that. Double take. 100% do that. Sneeze at your dogs. If you haven't already, perhaps you've already got a story about sneezing at your dogs that we'd like to hear. So hello at LukeandPeteShow.com on the email.

That's about all we've got time for on today's show. But we'll be back on Thursday. If you want to get in touch on social media, it's at LukeandPeteShow as well as I'm sure you all know by now. Jim and I will be back on Thursday for another one of these. And until then, we'll see you soon.

Take it easy. Look after yourselves. This was a Stakhanov production and part of the ACAST Creative Network.