The Luke and Pete Show - An Illegal Ham Sandwich

Episode Date: January 21, 2021

On today’s episode, the boys fire up their engines to discuss flying cars and drone motorbikes, before Pete shares some shocking news about a recent addition to his own transport collection. Elsewhere, we learn about illegal sandwiches and parachuting pioneers, before one listener gets in touch with a story about Michael Jackson interrupting a school game of Rounders. Listen now!Get involved by emailing us at [e-mail] or following us over on Instagram at @lukeandpeteshow! Oh, and leave us a review while you're at it. 5 stars on Apple Podcasts will do. Thanks! See acast.com/privacy for opt-out information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

and it's the luke and peach show it's a thursday the 21st of january 2021 oh my god it's 21 21 baby yeah 21 1 21 yeah 21 1 21 yeah the amer would have something to say about that, wouldn't they? They would, but keep quiet. So we won 21-21. Lovely old job. Hey, Luke, we've got what can only be described as an Instagram page. Oh, good. Yeah.

I mean, I'm imagining what's up there. Orangutans. Just pictures of things we've talked about, ejector seats, things like that. An orangutan in an ejector seat with a parachute about to, what, do something, about to, I don't know. Splash land. Battery collection.

So, yeah, check that out if you can uh it's really simple and really easy it's just luke and pete show that's what it is yeah luke and pete show maybe we'll do some extra stuff on there when when that corrals us and makes us do more work i imagine some of it will end up on the luke and pete show instagram feed so do check it out as pete says um how you doing this week peter i i am i forgot to mention to you on monday something that's right up your street let's just get straight into it right and say that um the company cadillac who obviously are well known for making cars those massive cars that um you know you probably couldn't even fit down a street in the uk i presume they're still making vehicles i imagine

they're still making modern cars as well. But at some kind of convention or trade fair called CES 2021. Don't know what CES stands for. Entertainment show. No, electronic show. Consumer electronic show. Consumer electronic show. Great.

They apparently, and I've seen the video, and it's mostly artist impressions, kind of impressionistic kind of stuff, presented by a man who kind of looks like he was developed and hatched in a Steve Jobs factory, talking about, this is a long run-up, a long build-up to say, the first air taxi a flying car it looks like an oversized drone with quite a futuristic cabin on it so you know i don't know if anyone listening has ever been to pod parking at heathrow terminal five you park your car up and then you get an autonomous vehicle which takes you to the terminal it looks a bit like that with massive drone rotors

on there and it flies around yeah it looks like something out of blade runner doesn't it because of the uh the the kind of windscreen is very interesting it seems very wasteful though i think it only fits two or three people doesn't it how would it work well it's just a load of gyroscopes and a couple of rotors in it it's just a drone in it it's just a drone with human in it's just a load of gyroscopes and a couple of rotors in it. It's just a drone, isn't it? It's just a drone with a human in it. It's basically, so I'm right if I, because that was a guess, but I'm right in saying that it would just be like an oversized drone, basically. I'm fairly certain that, I mean, as a lot of these things kind of happen, I thought they'd already had flying taxis and flying cop cars in dubai am i am i

wrong they've got some kind of weird drone style motorbike for the police in some parts of dubai i believe but i've never been there i've only seen the videos but but interestingly it kind of made me excited to watch the video of the air taxi because yeah cadillac are owned by general motors right and general motors are this massive historic um company in the u.s that obviously are well known for making cars but if you look at general motors's twitter biog it says we're on a journey to create a world with zero crashes zero emissions and zero congestion let us show you how we'll get there and that's quite a futuristic statement for a company isn't it it's quite exciting how do i mean you're very much relying on the electricity companies to uh to create clean

energy aren't you there where you get the electricity from is it dirty is it clean there's loads of electricity everywhere though mate you can it's all around i'm surrounded right now batteries mate loads of batteries would you would you gp32s when i when i sent you the video this you said you wouldn't get in it no i mean i would need assurances that it would fly that each rotor the thing is all four rotors have to be working or else you are fucker rude so you would need guarantees that um they were you know at least two autonomous vehicles in one, if you know what I mean. So if one goes down, the other one doesn't go down. Does that make sense?

And you could also land with just one. And that's why helicopters are so frightening. Yeah, but for some reason, the smaller craft, smaller aircraft that don't seem to go as fast or as high, it doesn't really frighten me as much. Do you understand what I mean? I mean, the video has a New York skyline and it's taken off on top of a skyscraper.

How high do you want it to be? Yeah, true. It's hard to explain, but when it comes to actual proper air travel, I don't get anxious or nervous at all apart from the takeoff which i find quite frightening right i i'm not nervous about the landing or the or cruising or anything like that or turbulence but the the takeoff to me feels like the highest risk category of plane

travel i the one the only ones i sort of get i don't think i would enjoy you know remember that the chinese gave the tongans a plane about seven years ago um and it was just a you know just a freebie to go hey do you want to do you want to get in bed or whatever um and those planes aren't licensed to fly over like the eu or anything you know it's just it's a big no-no they've not really been classified um it's those ones that that you just worry have been based on all like ussr designs from the like 70s and they've just kind of upgraded the the dashboard and put lcd screens in they're the ones that i sort of go yeah the ones that take the whole runway to lift off because they because the the engines aren't powerful enough it's stuff like that and so i don't have a massive problem with like you know planes that have been road tested for

30 years you know the 747 things like that most pilots know how to manage things if they go wrong it's the ones that are new but are also based on very old designs. But is that how you tell then? So if it takes a long time to build up the speed to take off, is that how you tell it's an old plane? Because to me, a lot of the BA planes seem pretty old. Some of them have still got ashtray things in them, armrests and stuff. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, a lot of them are very old. And I think this pandemic has killed it. Is it the 747? That was a really popular one, wasn't it? I think the pandemic has just seen that they just won't fly anymore. They'll never come back into service. I bought a little fuel gauge on eBay. I'm not even like an air enthusiast.

I just like people... I like really complex machinery being wrangled by intelligent men. That's my kink. Just watching men explain why some planes crash and some planes don't. And it's all because they didn't look at the folder enough. Yeah, nobody bothered looking at the instructions. Yeah. Speaking of men dangerously underqualified to wrangle machinery, I bought a car

at the weekend. What? I cannot drive. You've just got your scooter. I know. Yeah, but I need to learn to drive, but I can't have a driving lesson because of the lockdown.

You can't teach yourself how to drive just because of the lockdown. You can't just take can't just take well the police will just be worried about something they'll go i'll crash into an orphanage killing kids left right and center and the policeman will come over and go sir are you wearing a mask i'll go no and he'll slap a 1000 pound fine on me he'll ignore everything else that i've done i would say seriously though we can all make funny frivolous jokes about this donaldson but you've just bought scooter, you've only just got it on the road, and you can't have driving lessons at the moment. So what's your tactic here?

My tactic is explaining to my partner that she needs to help me do some driving. Oh, my goodness. You know, that is the quickest shortcut to the breakdown in the relationship is one teaches the other how to drive. Yeah. Yeah, I completely agree. But look, I'm going to need to learn to drive at some point. I've got driving lessons booked or had driving lessons booked in January, but I couldn't do them because of bloody lockdown.

So I've got it ready. I can familiarize myself with the controls. I can read the manual. I think this is the most sensible thing I've ever done, Luke. What car did you buy? A little F, Luke. What car did you buy? A little Fiat 500. What, did you buy it brand new? No.

God, no. Their cars are bloody expensive. And I rang up the bloke, and he sounded like, who's the fellow who does the Italian bloke who does the cooking on this morning? Gino De Campo. He sounded like Gino De Campo. He sounded so much like Gino De Campo? He sounded like Gino De Campo. He sounded so much like Gino De Campo. And I paid for it.

And then this other woman rang me up and tried to sell me some kind of ceramic coating. Oh, I bet they did. I bet you've got people queuing up trying to sell you shit if you're buying a car. You probably spent about 20 grand on it, didn't you? No, I didn't. But I will familiarise myself with the controls.

It's an automatic, so, I mean, what is there to learn? Forward, backwards, what else? Radio? I've got an automatic. My car's automatic as well. It's much easier for driving around London. I originally bought it because Mimi's obviously American. Oh, yes, of course, yeah.

Yeah, but she's never once driven it, so it doesn't make any difference. But what I was going to say to you was my friend Tommy has got a Fiat 500, and what he does, he's got long blonde hair, right? And what he does is he makes sure his hair is not tucked behind his ears or tucked back, so it's hanging over his face partly, so he looks like a girl. And he says every single time he gets to a junction, people just let him out because they assume because it's a Fiat 500

and he's got long blonde hair, he's an attractive woman. And men are pathetic and they just let him out every time. I mean, look, I didn't realize that the Fiat 500 was a lady's car. Because I'm not a driver. I don't know all of the misogynist's rules of the road. I'm not saying it is or isn't. I don't think there's any such thing as a man or a woman's car, but I'm just saying people, rightly or wrongly, make an assumption.

Laura Bear's got one. I saw that on Instagram. He's the only Instagram influencer worth a coin, in my opinion. He just smokes cigars. Well, he influenced me in buying a Fiat 500 and considering a career and considering getting involved in cigar smoking. All he does is drink champagne, eat amazing seafood,

and smoke big old hoagie cigars. It really is a trip, that man's Instagram page. I love it. This feeds in perfectly. This development feeds in perfectly to my long-held theory about you, that you think about things way too much or you don't think about them at all you've had your scooter five minutes yeah and i've enjoyed it what's gonna happen to your scooter now it's getting thrown in the canal that's what's happening to it is it safe i'll buy off you is it safe because i will buy it

what do you mean is it safe no i'll i will use but like you can use both a scooter and a little and a little car i mean legally i'm only allowed to use that scooter and i've got to have a lesson i've got to have another exam in a year's time anyway so yeah true all right well that's it's an amazing development in the world of dancers have you got it in the house at the moment have you parked it in the driveway or something it's not arrived yet she tried to send me some ceramics this afternoon. Yeah, it's never going to arrive, mate. Have you paid for it? It was from a Fiat dealership.

I think I'm all right. They saw you coming, mate. Yeah, well. Can I just jump in very briefly and say that on Monday, I started telling a Brexit story, but you sidetracked me. I think we got sidetracked or something. No, it's not your fault. It's probably mine for having a memory like a sieve. But the story I wanted to talk to you about was about a driver traveling from the UK to Holland.

And when he arrived, he had his ham sandwiches confiscated. Yeah, I like that. Fun. It's just fun. In the video, the very no-nonsense Dutchman said to him, do you have meat on all the bread? Do you have meat on all the bread? And the guy's going, yeah.

He said, well, then we're taking all of it. We're taking it. And I don't know what to think because on one hand, it's really pathetic and really kind of jobs-worthy, isn't it? But at the same time, it's almost like well sorry brexit people but this is the kind of thing you're after because apparently um you can't um you can't bring meat or dairy products from a non-eu country into the eu without particular licenses and obviously you're not going to fill out some paperwork for a sandwich if i was him i would just smash them

straight away just ate them all that woman on on that plane back from Spain would just drink that whole bottle of spirits rather than give it away. Yeah, it's one of those things where, I mean, I'm fairly certain it's because the EU have certain food standards that this person can't make it clear what those standards are. So if you came from England like now and went... Excuse me, this is Marks and Spencer. That's what I'm saying.

With a meat pierce sandwich. I mean, mean to be fair we probably imported all the fucking meat from the eu anyway so you you can back up with the borders with the meat pair sandwich going i'm eating this meat pair sandwich ago well we don't know where that's come from we don't know what you know you could be selling that and poisoning uh the people of the eu and also probably disease and stuff i imagine i don't know and that is my ted talk on eu safe food safety standards but i know do you know what you the type of person you've got to be to be a good border guard it's almost about it's almost like being a traffic warden right you've got to be a real stickler for the detail because if you and i you or i was a border guard you know day three our job, we'd probably have a hangover. Yeah, whatever, it's come through.

I can't be bothered. It's fine. But obviously these guys, the very nature of their job means they can't do that because ultimately it's just a fucking sandwich. What's going to happen? He's going to eat it. That's what's going to happen, right? You're not going to get – I understand the idea that, for example,

bringing an entire pig into a country might have swine flu or foot and mouth i get that this is just a sandwich right so on one hand i am ambivalent really because on one hand i'm like well this is what you fucking voted for you absolute bellends on the other hand it's like it's just a sandwich can't we all just be pals i hope we i hope we have like a shortage of beatles records and um levi jeans and like and we're forced to uh etch our records in old x-rays i'd love i love the design of the i love the uh i love the architecture of uh the ddr sort of east germany yeah i was just gonna say do you see that um i don't know if you've seen the the DDR, Southeast Germany. Yeah. I was just going to say,

do you see that, I don't know if you've seen the documentary Searching for Sugar Man about, about a guy who doesn't know how popular he is in apartheid South Africa.

Yes, yes. It's worth, it's worth watching. It's brilliant. He's a singer-songwriter who did nothing in the US and then just becomes huge in South Africa

without even knowing it because of people who are kind of travelling to South Africa and taking these records, and they're getting copied and copied and copied. It's an amazing story. But anyway, as part of the documentary, because the apartheid regime was absolutely sickening, deplorable,

and astonishingly corrupt as well, these kind of things could go on. But also, they had a very, very heavy-handed censorship regime. So any record that was seen to be perhaps undermining the apartheid regime would be censored. And they had people who would literally be employed to listen to 12-inch vinyl records and scratch up the songs they thought weren't suitable. Oh, like individual songs? All these people scratching these these records it's a mad thing to think about that how many songs are how many songs we're talking about apartheid that spitting image i don't know like i don't think it's just

about i think it's just about any kind of um which to be honest it's not massively different to like any kind of right-wing government not wanting anything that could be seen as maybe vaguely socialist or any kind of political idea that challenges the norm, I suppose. It wasn't songs that are specifically relating to apartheid. It's more just things that they think would undermine the regime. But it's just quite interesting anyway. But Pete, the other thing i wanted to mention to you before we have a break and go to emails was um it actually kind of vaguely relates to

records because you know that the most valuable records are the ones that have got like misprints on them and stuff so like you get a record that's worth hundreds of thousands because it's a beatles record and it's got one of the names of the of the john lennon spelt wrong or something. John Lennon. Highly collectible. John Lennon. In Japan, they had last week, I think it was Asahi, released a beer and they spelt Lager, L-A-G-A-R, which is enjoyable. They still put them out.

So they're going to be collector's items. Not in your house, though, right? Not in my house, no. Well, I've said it before my dad I had to buy a new keyboard because I spilt that tisky you bought me into it that's 50 quid I won't get back my dad

I think I told you before my dad bought me a Newcastle United when Alan Shearer retired Newcastle Brown released a commemorative Alan Shearer with his hand in the air bottle. And my dad sort of kept it for me for about a month. Then they drank it and then steamed off the bottle label and put it on another bottle,

thereby creating this horrible kind of like Frankenstein fake bottle of commemorative Newcastle Brown. I like a Nuki Brown. I'll tell you, it has to be ice cold. I do like a Nuki Brown. Yeah, lovely. So this story related to printing of things is that, so apparently there was a $20 banknote called the Del Monte banknote, right? It's about to go at auction.

Probably, I would say it's probably going to fetch hundreds of thousands of dollars. And the reason it's so valuable is because when it was being printed, somehow or another, a Del Monte sticker from a banana fell into the machine, got stuck to one of the banknotes, and then got printed over the top of the serial number and it's still attached to the note oh that's fantastic and apparently printing slip-ups happen quite regularly with things getting in the machine or things not working properly but generally speaking the foreign bodies that are present on the banknote

just disappear or drop off this del monte stick still on the banknote and it's attracting massive attention in those areas of society where people collect these types of things. So apparently in the past, they're all printed in a place called Fort Worth, which I think is in Texas. And in the past, things have been found with plasters, bits of paper, little bits of sellotape, little wood shavings, and then printed over the top. And they're quite collectible. So notophilists or notophilists are people who collect banknotes. And this could be a very, very expensive item at auction. The most expensive banknote ever sold was I think a very rare

$10,000 bill from 1934 which actually ended up selling for $384,000 but anyway people are climbing over themselves to get the banknote which still says Ecuador Del Monte quality on a sticker on it

under the serial number and that's crucial you can't just put a Del Monte sticker on a banknote and try and set it for a hundred thousand dollars it's got to be under the printed serial number to be worth anything yeah would you not sort of do that and kind of I mean I imagine um I imagine they run a pretty tight ship at uh at Fort Worth lovely part of Dallas lovely lovely part of the world um they uh yeah I imagine they run a pretty tight ship that you can't make off with dollar bills left, right and centre. But could you not create one?

Create a sensation and know which shop it's going to go to? Yeah, open to corruption, I guess. I think so, yeah. Open to corruption, yeah. Listen, let's have a quick break, Peter. When we come back, we'll do an email. I've got another one for the so-called expert on Monday who poo-pooed my parachute chat one of

the listeners has got my back and he's come in with another solution relating to parachutes and passenger liners i'm going to tell you all about it after this break this week at sakhanov me and luke have been whiling away the lockdown with our usual nonsense on the luke and pete show here's a quick taste of the kind of challenges we've been setting for ourselves. Give us any nation and I'll tell you why they're dirty.

All right, I'll do it now. Right. Italy. Italy. It looks like a sexy boot. Little up. Yeah. There's also a brand new episode

of On the Continent, your weekly guide to the sublime and frequently ridiculous in European football. Find it over on Football Ramble Presents every Thursday. Neymar's responded to this in kind,

that they forgot to tell you how to win titles. Then Alvaro has responded with a picture of Pelé with three World Cups going in the eternal shadow of the king. This reminds me of Stormzy and Wiley. All that and a whole lot more at Stakhanov. It's the Luke and Pete show. It's Thursday and this is part two of the show. That's as functional and as stripped down as I could possibly announce this part of the experience.

We've got some emails, Luke. Do you want to kick off with yours you were promising some naya talking about the parachute nonsense very important to reiterate that part you heard before the break that was very much part one this is part two hello at luke and pete show.com is the email address for all your missives i did trial run trailer uh promo trailer a uh an email about parachutes. And I'm going to do it right now. It's from Sam who says, hi, guys.

Just listening to your episodes about parachutes on passenger planes got me thinking, what about this? All you pilot experts out there, instead of having a parachute for each person, why don't we simplify it and have five or six massive parachutes attached to the plane itself and in an emergency the plane releases them and we just float gently down to the ground. Isn't that what happened in Batman? Or a massive balloon inflates on top of the plane and turns it into a blimp.

Let me know your thoughts, Sam. Now, I'm on board, Sam, with the first one. The second one you've gone off-piste there. You're on your own. Pete, what's your initial reaction to that going too fast to go to turn to a blimp everything's just going too fast there's too many forces for crying out loud there's no oxygen up high there's so many problems with this yeah you need to be on nodding terms with modern ballistics sam if you're going to kind of start chatting this stuff i do like the idea of you know like on a boat or a ship you have a life raft which is a it's designed to hold a certain amount of people

presumably as some kind of sort of air floating vessel that could be a bit like a life raft i.e you could pile a lot of people into it and then float down with a massive parachute it's not attached to the plane's fuselage itself. Right. Perhaps a different kind of mixture of the two solutions. But, I mean, would you not fall out of the big dinghy, the big floating dinghy? It'd have to have sides.

It'd have to have walls, inflatable walls. Oh, walls. That'll keep them in. That'll keep little walls on the side of the paddling pool. Just a paddling pool. Just a little paddling pool. Yeah. That'll be absolutely fine. When you go on holiday next, take a paddling pool. Just a paddling pool. Just a little paddling pool. That'll be absolutely fine. All I'm saying is when you go on holiday next,

take a paddling pool with you. You never know. Just in case. Well, Pilot Claude actually popped in to our lives last week as well. Convertible roof on a plane. This would mean that presumably everyone would have ejection seats. There's another big problem because with ejection seats, 10% to 20% of all cases we know of have been fatal it's not uncommon to get serious head neck back injuries from ejection

this of course practically uh this is of course is practically all with the context that they are highly trained pilots uh sorry for rambling on who's going to pull the ejector say for every single person on the passenger plane you've got an ejector seat is it one person that pulls it right is everyone ready? It's like a voice. Is it first past the post or is it a college, like electoral college system? It's a quick vote on one of those seat back TV displays

where they have quizzes on. It's a quick vote. And if you get over 50, they all just shoot up. It's like a referendum. Yeah, I've got a lot of time for that. That's very enjoyable. i'm going to change change completely or change planes completely and just quickly uh a value of this story from jamie who says um hi guys towards the end of uh one of last week's shows luke said the famous

childhood lie of michael jack Jackson came to my house. Do you remember that, Peter? Yes, yes, I remember that. Yeah. And Jamie says, this reminded me of a childhood story of mine that I've been meaning to write in about for a while. I assure you, every word of the following story is absolutely true, as I remember it, even though to this day it sounds crazy.

It's 1997, and I am 10 years old and in my first school in Egham in Surrey. Beautiful part of the world, Egham. I think outside Egham train station there might even be a Ferrari garage. It's a very affluent part of the country. You've been there, Peter? I've never been to Egham, no.

I can't add anything to Egham. I can't over-egg this story. No, it's the other side of london to where you are so you probably wouldn't uh he says uh anyway it's summer and we are playing rounders on the field out the back of the school so he's at his school in 1997 they're playing rounders we see a big old black car uh blacked out car sorry drive into the school and a small man gets out with three or four other larger men they walk towards us on the school field the smaller guy is michael jackson right who then proceeds to walk around the school field shaking hands with the kids and a couple of the teachers this is michael jackson in the mid 90s

and we are going absolutely mental right i later found out he was playing shows at Wembley, so Michael Jackson being not too far away from the venue made sense. I go home and tell my parents and everyone I know and return to school the next day. It turns out it was a Michael Jackson lookalike who was notorious for doing this type of thing. Oh, no. He had hired a limo and bodyguards to walk around the school.

A bit weird, but it still makes me laugh whenever I hear his name mentioned. To make up for the injustice of not meeting Michael Jackson, a well-known unnameable red-top newspaper who picked up on this story sent a celebrity to our school to sign autographs a week later as a replacement. Can you guess who it was, Peter? Was it Jeff Capes? Oh, nice. 97's a bit late for Capes, isn't it?

Oh, right. Sorry, yeah. Was it Zig and Zag? Or Zig or Zag? You're getting warmer. One more guess. 1997. Mr. Blobby.

Oh, God. Very nice. No, it was Anthea Turner. Oh, nice. Nice, nice, very nice. No, it was Anthea Turner. Oh, nice. Nice, nice, nice. She's lovely. She used to do, well, she used to do my radio show. She used to be downstairs doing a radio show. She's bloody lovely.

Well, when Jamie just finishes and says when he moved house three years later, sorry, when he moved house three years ago, I apologise, when he moved house three years ago, he found her signed picture among some very old paperwork, picture of Anthea Turner with the kids for everyone at school

in the newspaper a couple of days later. Essentially, this is a story of how I met Anthea Turner because I thought I met Michael Jackson. For me, they're not on the same level, but anyway, thanks very much, Jamie. It's a nice story. Tell us more about your experiences with Anthea Turner, Peter. I know Alan Park, who's a big fan of Anthea's what about you she's very nice just um uh when she walked around the

building just very happy-go-lucky um didn't seem kind of bowed by her years in show business just just great news good what's she up to now do you know she's um sitting on the back of it she's sitting on the back of a flatbed truck watching a motorbike guy run past her. Did she get set on fire by accident? Yeah, it was like a Kickstarter guy came out the back of a truck and some kind of pyrotechnics was supposed to go off and she went all over the place. But she's not let it affect her.

It's a lesson for all of us there. She's not let it hold her back, is she? Lordy. All right. I think that's about it. I mean for all of us there she's not gonna hold her back is she lordy all right i think that's about i mean listen how do you follow that you probably can't i think it's about time we got out of here peter i'll leave you to take it away well we're out of here if you want to get to the show it's really easy hello at looking peach short.com you can also find us on twitter at looking peach show uh you can also find us on Instagram as well. Brand new content coming at you hard in the face and the ears. LukeandPeteShow, check it out if you can. And we'll be back on Monday for more of this toss.

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