The Luke and Pete Show - An Owl In Fluffy Trousers

Episode Date: March 15, 2021

On today’s show, Luke introduces his new moustache and tells us all about its important purpose, before Pete shares news about being mistaken for a model. Elsewhere, we review your generic Mum behaviours before the boys discuss their own, and a listener gets in touch with some exciting TV stories including their inspiring You’ve Been Framed debut. Don’t miss out!We want to hear your NEWS! Get involved and drop us a message over on Instagram and Twitter at @lukeandpeteshow, or throw us an email - [e-mail]!If you're enjoying the show, head over to Apple Podcasts and give us a review! 5 stars will do. Cheers! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello you, it's Monday, it's the Luke and Pete show, we are back together again to give you what's been happening over the weekend in the worlds of batteries, bloody dinosaurs and bloody pilots. That's pretty much most of the stuff we talk about on the Luke and Pete show, is that fair to say Luke and Pete? Yep, and yeah, I'll just regale you with anecdotes and tales from my life, in this case from the weekend, like, for example, getting really good at emptying the dishwasher quietly these days. Why? Is there a quiet little owl that lives in your house, or a bat maybe, that you don't want to wake up? Yeah, Mr Parliament the Owl is...

Mr. Parliament the Owl, do you say that? Yeah, yeah. He sleeps during the day and he's got a lovely new pair of trousers. Yeah. And if you wake him up, he shits himself. Oh, owls have very long legs. They always look like they're wearing trousers,

like fluffy trousers. Yeah, because if you pull... I mean, I don't recommend this, but if you grab an owl by the leg and sort of run your hand up its thigh, like an owl perv, you would see that it's got very long legs. Probably like, I'd say 30 inch. 30 inch legs.

No way, that's longer than you. I wear a 30 inch trouser. Yeah. Have you got particularly short legs? I think I wear a 30,'t i don't i think the the problem is right i'm going to try and take this in order one the first question answer is to because i don't want to wake up the people downstairs in the mornings that's a dishwasher question okay the second one is grabbing an owl by the leg sounds like the start of a parable

and the third one is because sizes vary from shop to shop and a lot of the time these days oh no sorry i'm absolutely wrong i actually wear a 32 right leg yeah and sometimes what i was gonna say was i used to wear 34 but for some reason even though that in that kind of measurement itself the universal constant of that measurement hasn't changed. The trousers have got longer, and so I now wear a 32. And yes, that is the quality of the anecdote that you can come to expect on this show.

I wear a 32, it's trouser. I'll be very surprised if you do, Peter, because you like to cut yours quite short. I like to go to Topman and just buy wildly inaccurate trousers and vests and get home and then realise they're completely the wrong size and then just forget and bring them back because I'm busy. No, and then dance around your house with a vacuum doing a sexy Freddie Mercury.

And then Top Man goes out of business and I can't return anything. What am I going to do? No, Top Man's out of business. That's where all my clothes are from. Has Top Man actually happened? It's gone, yeah. The Top Man in Oxford Circus, I'm where all my clothes are from. Has Top Man actually happened? It's gone, yeah.

The Top Man in Oxford Circus, I'm fairly certain, is kaput, no more. It's done. But not the whole brand has gone out. Not the whole brand's gone out. The brand's gone, mate. No, the brand's gone. Top Man, Top Girl.

No, Top Girl. Top Shop. Tommy Girl. Tom Cruise. That's a remake. All the Toms. Yeah, they've all gone. That's incredible. That's completely passed me by.

What are they going to put in there? I'm thinking one of those shops that, I mean, to fill people in. If someone's never gone to Oxford Circus, it's a major meeting place for if you're going to meet someone in town, you say, I'll meet you outside. It's a hub. It's a hub. It's near the Diagonal Crossing, reminiscent of Shibuya Crossing,

the scramble, if you will. We've got our own little scramble, and it's at the corner of Regent Street, reminiscent of Shibuya Crossing, the Scramble, if you will. We've got our own little Scramble, and it's at the corner of Regent Street and just near the BBC on Oxford Circus. And it's all really, really upsetting because that was the place you had to meet. So where are we going to be meeting now? Same building, but different company.

Could be a vape shop, could be one of those sweet shops. Can I just say, yeah, Kingdom of Sweets, they're still going strong. I would never have ever met anyone outside the Topman and Oxford Circus. Why? Well, one, it's too busy. Nah, it's not, mate.

Two, you get those charity muggers. You do get those charity muggers. But you also get people who work for modelling agencies spotting you. That's how every major model got spotted, because they were in Topshop. Oh, I've never spoken to one of those. It may surprise you to know.

I think I told you before, I was once walking to the Discovery Channel to do a voiceover, and I went in the wrong entrance, and there was this some kind of modelling casting going on, and so there was a load of bloody male models with their portfolios. You know how models turn up with their portfolios, you know like models turn up

with their portfolios they were looking for a snitch from Sneaky Blinders Sneaky Blinders Sneaky Snitch from Peaky Blinders and yeah and I came in and she went are you here for the casting and I looked around and it was just

wall to wall male fucking models and I laughed in her silly face and you were dressed like a steamp around and it was just wall-to-wall male fucking models. And I laughed in her silly face. And you were dressed like a steampunk. And I was... Yeah, I looked eccentric. We saw that model, didn't we, at the US Embassy. Do you remember? What?

We saw that model, didn't we? Oh, yeah, who used to go out with Brooklyn Beckham. Brooklyn Beckham. You get to see all the celebrities at the American embassy, don't you? Because everyone has to go over there for the visa. Yeah, exactly. No exception. Very probing.

I was just going to say, to go back to the top man thing, I don't know if you should be going into top man at our age. I think the alarm will go off these days. You keep saying it, and the people on the internet keep saying it. My body says, yes, yes, please, continue, continue. Do you still go to that shop up in Camden that does all the cogs and the... Cyberdog.

And the top hats, yeah, the top hats. The neon furry dice that you wear around your neck. Cyberdog. We've never had a Steampunk email in this show. And I think that's a real discredit. I don't think they really exist. I think Steampunkers... They're probably a different timeline.

Steampunkers have probably sort of moved on to... Can you get a Steam-powered MP3 player? I don't know. Can you get an MP3 player full of cogs? I mean, I guess the big flywheel on an iPod back in the day very much in their wheelhouse. And it is a literal wheelhouse. Yeah, we don't talk much about HG Wells.

No, true. So maybe that's probably why we don't track them in. I would very much like to reach out to the steampunk community and ask them if they would get in touch with us, because you've been obsessed with it for a long time. You're a bought-and-paid-up member. You steampunk LARP at the weekends before the lockdown. I sometimes go along with my pet owl, but we seem to have been completely shunned by the ste before the lockdown. I sometimes go along with my pet owl.

Yeah. And we seem to have been completely shunned by the steampunk community. Yeah. Well, we don't have neckbeards anymore. You've sort of grown a kind of spivvy moustache. I have got a moustache now, Pete. Thanks for noticing. Yeah.

The problem with your moustache is that you've got very fair hair. It's slightly hard to see on a Zoom call. So I'm yet to see it in IRL. So I'm looking forward to that soon. Do you know what the inspiration was uh i don't know um you know in the kirby enthusiasm um larry's friend uh leon who um who basically just says look he's fed up of being treated badly as an african-american so he starts wearing glasses right okay and then and then his idea is that the point is that whenever a white person sees an african-american with glasses on they start to take him like super

seriously right okay and so he starts doing it and it works and he gets into all these different places he gets all these opportunities because he's a black man wearing glasses and i had a man come out to my house last uh last weekend to have a look at a fix in the roof um leaky roof and in my house and pete this is something that you'll be able to share with me as well and i'm gonna do a rich appeal to all our male listeners out there who have no practical skills of which i am one and you are another and you get worried when a really practically able person comes to your house because it's like it's quite an emasculating process right because he starts talking to me about the roof and different stuff he needs to do and i need to give a passable impression

that i know what i'm talking about because otherwise i'm going to feel a emasculated and b potentially have to pay through the nose right that's the old i mean i'm sure that doesn't happen anymore with checker trading that kind of stuff going on but that's the kind of feeling you get when you're of our generation so i thought how can i head that off at the past what can i do to make him respect me more so i grew a mustache right okay yeah so you look like it's not worked so far really have you had any men around your house yet yeah i have but they don't respect me no okay cool do you respect me more because of it well to be honest if i'm coming in your house and i'm seeing the sort of tea you're drinking if i'm a builder i'm like fuck mate yeah i have to make I have to make him a tea,

and then I have to think to myself, how would a normal person drink a tea? I have to kind of method act it. Aren't builders famous for having 15 sugars in their tea? Builders tea is famously very sugary. It's like a southern sweet tea. You know when you see those kind of videos of women from Texas going,

I'm going to make some Texas sweet tea. And we go, oh, that's not how you make tea. That's disgusting. Put it in the microwave. Gross. But a real southerner will tell you that, well, I tell you a lot of things. We haven't got time for that now.

But a real southerner would tell you that they drink iced tea and real southerners don't sweeten it. So it's literally iced tea. Right, OK. But tea, but cold. And it's awful. In my opinion, it's awful. To. Right, okay. But tea, but cold. And it's awful. In my opinion, it's awful. To my palate, it is awful.

It's a bit much, yeah. I imagine. Peter, just a little bit of an update from Luke and Pete's show, Land. Pilot Neil, he hasn't been in touch for a while. Right. But I've got him on Instagram. Okay.

And I saw him on the weekend, or maybe late last week. He's back in the simulator. He's back in the simulator. He's back in the British Airways simulator. Great to see. Oh, lovely. Getting back on his shit. Back on his BA shit.

Love it. Have we just added him as a BA pilot there? Very, very rude. Well, he could have just been using the British Airways simulator. He could have borrowed it. He could have borrowed it. They sponsor everything. Oh, lovely.

I guess you have to kind of do that all the time, though. So it doesn't mean he's definitely back in Galefield employment yet, but it's only a good sign that he's keeping up with his, I don't know, I don't know what you have in a pilot situation. City and Guilds? City and Guilds Pilot Award? Probably not that. But I was thinking, I sent him a quick message saying,

oh, let's have a go. And he hasn't replied So Maybe Because it's a pandemic And you have to wear a mask everywhere If you and I could basically Wear a mask over our faces

Maybe we could get involved And have a little conversation We could sneak in And go Put the flaps up And that thing That you know when Don't say that

When it's going up or down That little flappy thing, that little circular thing goes... And it just looks horrible. I don't know what that is. It moves too fast. It should not alert you so much when the flaps or whatever. It's not the aerolator.

That's not a word, is it? Whenever something's happening, but it's happening real quick and it's going... It just goes too fast. I'm like, you cannot have something move that fast in the near the airplane man no i agree with that and um i think with my mustache and my pet owl i think i've got a good chance of being a pilot yeah um and i'll take you along with me pete i don't mind um i also did something yesterday which might well have been be of interest are you um familiar with the work

and a fan of um tim key uh yes the poet and humorist yeah and actor i suppose he's psychic simon as well isn't he so um so anyway yesterday he did a live stream gig like a poetry recital just around his house all And you paid £8 obviously for the household because you just put it on the TV so that's £8 for Mimi and I which is obviously a great bonus. And I think 7.30pm exactly

he popped up on the TV live and he had Daniel Kitson with him. Oh nice, cool. That is he's not a man who he's not a man who throws himself about needlessly. So it's good to see that... Love a bit of Kitson.

But what I think Tim did really well is that he understood that actually if he's just talking into a camera, he's not going to get any kind of response from the audience. And that's a key part of a performance, right? So he got Daniel Kitson on another Zoom and he just used him essentially as the audience surrogate it worked really well no nice i did i did a um poppy hill student as the chat uh she does a show i think she just started her third season and she uh did a zoom sort of lester comedy show thing, Leicester Comedy Festival show, and I was one of the voices.

And, oh, it's strange. So these people sort of who bought tickets for the Leicester Comedy Festival or any comedy festival that happens on Zoom online, they're just kind of like, they pay the money and then they get presumably a link to the show that kicks off at four, five, six o'clock or whatever, and they turn up.

But we could see everybody. And I don't know whether they could see each other. How? A lot of them... We're on Zoom, yes. We're all on Zoom. It was one big Zoom

and it was run by a professional company so all of the tech stuff was taken care of. And there was loads of people on the Zoom. But some of them were just in bed.

Because obviously, like, they shouldn't dress up to watch, you know, to watch a comedy show if they're watching it from their bedroom and stuff but yeah it just made me laugh that this these two um this man and woman were just in bed with each other watching a comedy show and and of course that makes sense but it was a bit weird that we could see that quite an intimate moment for them that they maybe they didn't realize they're on camera but it was quite um it's quite interesting so so

that is that's i didn't really consider that i wonder i don't think that tim and daniel could see us but it was it was quite funny is that so they would do he would do maybe 10 or 15 minutes worth of stuff and then it would cut and they'd stream a pre-wrecked video like an insert basically. And then when that insert was being played out, he moved and started doing something different. So actually, you got a really good tour of Tim Key's house. He made Yorkshire puddings live on the stream while doing poetry.

He had a shave, a full wet shave. And he had a bath while doing his poetry. But that was fraught with danger. He was fully clothed in the bath. Okay, right. There's nothing vicious. There's nothing vicious. There's nothing vicious.

So how did it feel to at least metaphorically go back to Leicester, home of your alma mater? Yeah, not too bad. It's been a while since I've been back to Leicester. I'd quite like to visit again. But to be quite frank, after a two-year break of going anywhere, it ain't going to be my first destination. Top of the list.

And I think Leicester knows that. Be reasonable. Yeah, exactly. There used to be bus stop posters of you up in Leicester Yeah me with my fluffy hair Love it How's the hair coming on now by the way You got the full skullet yet Yeah almost full piping skullet

It's all gotten a bit silly to be honest Luke Are you not tying it up into a ponytail Because I teased you last week? No, I don't mind. I don't mind having it in a ponytail. It's just I just find it hard to sort of maintain, keep hold of them. Can't keep hold of the little ponytail ties or whatever they're called. Bobbles.

They're called bobbles. Oh, yeah. And you've got very fine hair compared to mine, which is very thatched and thick. I'd love thatched, thick hair. You wouldn't. It's a pain. You can't do anything with it. No, mine's the other way.

We just need like a middle ground. We need Harry Styles' hair. Big, looping, looping locks. That'd be lovely. There's not much... Listen, good luck to Harry Styles. Seems like a good egg. Talented boy.

Done brilliantly for himself. Handsome chap to look at as well. Good on him. I wouldn't trade places with him, but I would take his hair. I'd definitely trade places with him. Fantastic I would take his hair. I'd definitely trade places with him. Fantastic. Would you?

What a life. Of course you would. What a life. I've got to do this show with Harry Styles, and it wouldn't work. It wouldn't work, mate. It's not interesting enough. Yeah, you'd be going, oh, Harry, do you want to do the Harry and Luke show? Yeah, yeah, cool.

And then your opening gamut would be, I've grown a moustache, Harry. You'd be like, I'm fucking Harry Styles. I hang out with Jay-Z, probably. Which one of us is the sidekick? You are, Luke, definitely. Do you think that anecdote's going to really go anywhere? Awful business, awful. It's one of those things, I think.

By the way, just for those of you who are keen consumers of the video content that accompanies this show, which producer Nat lovingly and very talentedly puts up online. I know what you're thinking. And yes, I have got a new chair. Oh, yeah, you have. Yeah. Nice leather.

Leather? Pleather? PVC? It's pleather. It's pleather. But I can lean right back in it like that. Lovely old job. No problem.

And it's a lot less squeaky than the other one. So it's a real upgrade, a real improvement. So we've done your moustache, we've done your chair. Yeah. What's next? Any updates? Any other updates in your life? Do you want to do the jumper? Yeah. Where's that look from? The jumper's weird because

on the inside it's that colour. Oh, what? Is it a fakey printed design? I think so, yeah. I just got it online as a sale. And I don't really leave the house, do I? So it doesn't really matter. Just want to stay warm, brother. Just want to stay warm, brother.

Right, let's have a quick break. I'm going to go and feed the owl. And when we come back, we're going to do some... Oh, we're going to do some Mother's Day mum behaviours. Oh, lovely. Because we did dad behaviours the week before. And we'll do some of your emails. We've had some belters this week.

And for those of you who are fans of confectionery maniac Ali Darlow, he's been back in touch. So stick around for that. This week at Sukarnov. Over on My 7 Wonders with Clive Anderson, comedy legend Ian Stone is choosing what he'd put on his list of personal wonders of the world. Along the way, he tells a story of the first time he ever did stand-up, and it wasn't exactly by choice.

My friends, who unbelievably remained my friends after this, put me down secretly for the open mic spot. I mean, I went on. Actually, I didn't know what to say. I stood there. I'd never been on a stage before. Well, actually, I'd done a school play once, but I was playing some biblical thing. I can't even remember. But... You were saying, I am Joseph. Is there a room in your room?

Give me my coloured coat. Yeah, that didn't work. Meanwhile, these self-care club ladies are keen to figure out why so many women often find themselves saying sorry for just about anything. I think that it is such a fine line between over apologising unnecessarily and actually standing up and saying, I'm sorry for this. I'm sorry if you've been uncomfortable in any way

that's been caused by me. And I think that's a sign of strength, isn't it? To be able to apologise for yourself, but not at the cost of your self-esteem. All that, and a whole lot more, at Sukarnov. It is World Consumer Rights Day, it's the 15th of March. I'm Pete Donaldson, joined by Luke Moore. If you would like to complain about anything we've done in the sphere of consumer rights,

it's free, so go fuck yourselves. At LukeandPeteachshaw.com. Sorry, at lucanpeachshaw on Twitter. You can check us out on Instagram, at lucanpeachshaw. And hello at lucanpeachshaw.com is how you can get in touch and do get in touch because, to be quite frank, it makes our job a hell of a lot easier and you don't want to hear this show difficult.

You want to hear it easy. I find all of it quite difficult. This show is brought to you proudly in association with now jean water bottles they don't give us any money no i just like them i just love them mother's day mum behaviors from our lovely instagram followers i'm going to read through a couple of them pete and after that we're going to talk about um your and my mum, because it's Mother's Day. So Stone Cold Joel Atkin, good name. Yeah. He says, my mum calls me to tell her that I don't call her enough.

Which is... Yeah. Yeah. I've had that before. It's like, why don't you call me? It's like, you can literally call me. That's what a mobile phone's for. Well, I think you might be busy.

Well, don't ring me then. Like, just don't worry about it then. If I'm busy, then you know that I can't possibly speak to you. Or I just think sometimes she rings up to complain about me being a terrible son, which she's got every right to. My mum does that, but I don't,

I'm not as rude to my mum as you are to yours by the sound of it. Yeah, but my mum's a nightmare. Because I'm frightened of her. My mum's not physically imposing, see? See? No, my mum isn not physically imposing, see? See? No, my mum isn't physically imposing, but she is able to level me fairly easily.

Okay. With her words. But she does call me a lot. So sometimes my mum will call me and be like, I haven't spoke to you for a while. And it'll be really kind, even like a really kind of passive aggressive way. I haven't spoke to you for a while.

And I'll look at my call record and I spoke to her two days ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. Yeah, they don't realise that. I think that's just sometimes a default setting. If my mum's feeling a bit down, that's her default setting and I go hang on, hang on.

Three missed calls three days ago and before that I spoke to you two days before that so don't give me this. I also told my mum about my moustache and asked her if she wanted me to send a photo to which she said no thank you. So there we go.

I have an in-depth and intimate relationship with my mum's answer phone message. She's got one of those old landlines, and she's got an answer phone system built into it. And the woman sort of goes, hello. And she sounds like Miranda from BBC One. Hello, I'm Miranda from BBC One. Is Miranda still going?

Can you still find her? I think she was on Don't Call The Midwife briefly. I think she's still kicking about here and there. Here and there. I didn't like that show. Did you like that show, Miranda? She would fall over a lot, wouldn't she? That was her thing, wasn't it?

Yeah, she wasn't really my cup of tea, to be honest. Big tall woman who just falls over a lot, innit? It felt a bit like When The Whistle Blows. Well, you know, a BBC One comedy has to be... You've got to be gentle. She seems like an interesting person and quite funny, so... Yeah, good on her. I'm sure she's... Do you know what, Pete?

I'm sure she's bloody lovely. I'm sure she's great company. I don't wish to besmirch her personally. No, just a TV show. I want to make that absolutely clear. Jim from The Ramble, who I did The Ramble with was uh saying how much he didn't enjoy uh emily attax show and do you remember me saying that why i like the idea of the emily attax show on itv piss off comedians it pissed off jim yes yes i knew it

i bloody knew it i didn't think it was very good either but I mean I'm not a comedian so Maurice Hawke on Twitter says my mum licks a piece of tissue to wipe something from my face yeah that's kind of a textbook one but that's when you're a lot younger that's 80s

that's 80s that's proper when you're a bit younger she'd not get away with it now I'm 39 she wouldn't dare she wouldn't dare touch this visage

this is money mate this is money yeah I think I can't add anything to that my sister also said She wouldn't dare touch this visage. This is money, mate. This is money. Yeah. I think I can't add anything to that. My sister also said, my sister got in touch saying that our mum always says, don't open that, that's for Christmas,

which does happen. Our mum does that. Honestly, I'm not exaggerating when I say, I could visit, in normal times, I could visit my mum and dad's house in September, open a two litre bottle of lemonade or something, and I'll literally get pelted. That's for Christmas.

That's Christmas lemonade. Yeah. That's Christmas lemonade. And then you are in a situation where you are waiting for Christmas to happen and you don't eat any of the food, and then you're going back down south or up north, in your case, two days after Christmas, and you haven't eaten all the stuff and they complain unbelievable why have you not eaten that pate because i had 30 minutes

to eat it in yeah it was okay pate you don't have pate in your house do you yeah a little bit of pate not bad with that pate family are you yeah we're a pate family i mean you know what type the cheap the sort of stuff you see you get in a pot with a tiny sliver of orange for Christmas that's shrink-wrapped. Oh, yeah, okay. That sort of stuff. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I think, for me, the coarser the better when it comes to a pate. It needs to have some texture to it. Yeah, okay, fair dues, yeah. That is fair. I think I'd be interested to know if our listeners are... Listen, hello at lukeandpeach.com if you come from a pate family.

Because I think there's a big line you can draw between families here. Because I don't think that... I think that there's some families who wouldn't go near a pate. They would never, ever get in their cupboard or their fridge. No, never. People will be blind to pate in supermarkets a lot of the time. No, but like shit liver pate. Because you get...

Remember like... I wouldn't call it that. You had like... Never served any of it. Okay, shit livers, here's your pate. Because you get... Remember, like... I wouldn't call it that. You had, like... Never served me a bit. OK, shit livers, here's your pate. But, like, you remember those little kind of pate, kind of little tiny glass jars with a thin metal lid that would...

As you opened it. Yeah. It was absolutely tiny. And it was, like, kind of the same sort of era as, like, sandwich filling. It was just, like, really ground up, very vinegary coleslaw paste paste coleslaw yeah that's oh you're talking about sandwich spread aren't you

sandwich spread that's a brand name from Heinz I think I miss that stuff surely I must make that stuff producing that put in the running order on the dock whether you're a pate family or not because Nat's um well known for her snacks she loves eating snacks and I wonder if pate comes under the snack umbrella in her family. Stay tuned. We'll find out in a minute. But sandwich spread, Pete, was that awful kind of really salty, coleslaw-y

type thing that Heinz made. But I think what you're talking about is paste, right? Beef paste. Crab paste. Yeah. Well, yeah, that kind of thing. Yeah, that would still be counted as pate for my money. Like, kind of really oily, kind of thin salmon paste. Yeah, well, yeah, that kind of thing. Yeah, that would still be counted as pate for my money. Like kind of really oily, kind of thin salmon paste. Oh, lovely.

Bloody lovely. That's not a pate fan. What I really appreciate by the way she told us in the running order document is that she took the time to copy and paste the correct spelling of pate with the accents above the vowels. Nice. Like they do in different countries, to let us know. So she's not from a pate family, and her granddad calls it pate.

One day I think I'm going to learn how to type umlauts and the fancy S in Pascal Grosse and people like that. I just copy and paste it, do you? Yeah, I do too, but I just feel like I'm letting everyone down. So Pete, just to go back to the pate thing very, very briefly, if you don't mind. What kind of sandwich would you have for your lunchbox at school then?

Would you ever have pate in that? I was at free school dinners, mate. Fucking dinners, mate. I was having pink custard and toffee cake and scraps. Remember when we were kids? Oh, scraps. Where they just jammed their hand in a load of butter and just flicked their hands into the hot oil.

And that was school dinners. Just batter. The dinner lady who was cooking it would just get her hand, put it in batter and just flick her fingers into the deep fat fryer and then she would scoop it out and serve it up as part of the meal for children. get her hand, put it in batter, and just flick her fingers into the deep fat fryer, and then she would scoop it out and serve it up as part of the meal for children. Adult professionals with the responsibility for children's health. Of nourishing children.

Yeah, and I doubt they do that anymore. Jamie Oliver would have a heart attack, which would be ironic, actually. He'd probably, to be honest, he'd probably go, to be honest, in the gamut of food food and school not even a top 10 offender it's probably a bit of flour in there bit of egg i'm not bothered to be honest it's the oil though isn't it it's the fat it's the oil it's the it's you know no teachers will say that all we need are minds for molding i think their their motto appears to have been all we need are arteries for tightening. I was in the fish and chip shop on a Saturday at Berkhamstead Station.

Still cash only. Moody. Bit moody, lads. They've always been cash only. You sort of go, all right, OK, how many's coming through your door? It's not your concern, Pete.

Don't worry about it. It is. I'm just saying, look. You can't beat the snitch from Peaky Blinders and a real-life snitch. But this woman came in and went, I'm sorry, I just have to say, I've come all the way from Hermel Hempstead and you guys make the best fish and chips in the world.

Oh, one of them. In the world. But then he asked, he said, he didn't seem that interested in the compliment, but he just went, he just said, right, do you want, thank you very much, do you want condiments, do you want vinegar, do you want salt on your fish and chips?

She said no. What the fuck does she know about fish and chips? Get out. Get out. Get out, fish and chips lady. Give her the big one. It's her favourite fish and chips. Jesus.

If you don't have salt and vinegar on your fish and chips, just turn this big one it's the favourite fish and chips Jesus if you don't have salt and vinegar on your fish and chips just turn this show off go to hell go to hell yeah I am fuming about that awful

so the one final mum behaviour before we get into an email Owen has messaged us saying my mum says

if the wind changes you'll stay that way when you put a funny face. Yeah. That's a textbook mum behaviour. She said that about my sexuality when I came out. She said, well,

if the wind changes, you'll stay that way. Stay that way. Yeah. And we had over 60 people sending their mum behaviours in total. So thank you very much for doing that.

Hello. Now, Peter, there's email options here. There's a man from Texas. There's some important work from a listener about animal eyebrows. And there is something that I've just listed as saying, this is great stuff. So it's a bit of a lottery that one. Nice.

Okay. I mean, yeah, let's have the great stuff. Oh, we've got an Ali Dalo as well, but maybe we'll push that to Thursday. Cool. So I look forward to. Okay. All I've written is my comment for this one, which is the comments I write at the top of the emails

to kind of remind me what they are. I've just written, this is great stuff, so I hope it is good. Here we go. Hello, Luke and Pete. Charlie here. Following Thursday's lengthy come-dine-with-me chat, I thought I'd chip in with a memorable moment from the show. Mainly memorable because it came from an episode

that was being hosted in my small village of Newington in Kent. Do you know Newington in Kent, Pete? I don't. I know the stock version of it. No, same, yeah. Of course, everyone in the village was tuned in to this monumental moment in TV history. A good performance from the host was really going to put us on the map. However, our hopes were dashed a mere five minutes into the episode

as the host dropped an absolute clanger. While reading off what her three courses were going to be, she proceeded to state how her chicken stuffed with goat's cheese and asparagus with vine tomatoes main course was inspired by none other than Bloomin' Heston time. Not the multi-award winning Michelin star chef Heston Bloomental. Needless to say, the night went downhill from there after keeping the guests waiting too long

between the starters and the main course. That is a textbook come diamond in the error, by the way. And then getting found out, Pete, another one. She's breaking every rule in the book here. She then got found out her knickerbocker glory with homemade ice cream was actually shop-bought. Oh, no. You don't like to see it.

You do not like to see it at the top of the game, do you? Nah, not at that level. She scored a below par 18 points and finished the week stone dead last. But still, this was the most TV coverage our modest little village had received

since my very own appearance. This is where the email gets good. My very own appearance, says Charlie, on You've Been Framed back in the year 2000. Nice! Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do.

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. The only way for any family to earn 250 quid is a one-off hit. Oh, yeah. I mean, to be honest, it's the only way that Harry Hill can earn 250 quid for, like, a minute's work doing the voiceover, just doing shit jokes about Vanessa Feltz

being fat. It's just, and I watch it every week. I love it. Is Vanessa Feltz in it? Can she be in it? She's not in it, but any time

some children are jumping on a trampoline or a bouncy castle, they say, Vanessa Feltz has hired herself out as a bouncy castle. It's just like

really old school fat lady jokes every Friday. And again, when I meet my friends... I like really old school fat lady jokes every Friday. And again, when I meet my future... I like Harry Hill, but it's not bad. Well, I think the writers just give him some absolute stinkers. And to be honest, if you're kind of... And some of the programmes are from a few years ago,

and I imagine those jokes would not be written today, two short years later. That's how fast we're moving. Anyway, Charlie says, yeah, back in 2000, I was only being framed and I was surrounded by my family on my birthday

and for some reason started to go absolutely apeshit when everyone started to sing happy birthday to me, kicking, screaming, telling my nan to shut up. I really did cause a scene, but I guess you're only four once,

which reminds me, I never did see any of the 250 quid. Keep up the good work, Charlie. So there we go. Newington, who'd have known it? Yeah, I think about the modern UB frames kind of change a little bit. I don't think you would get 250 quid necessarily. I think what they do is they go to video agencies who have bloopers,

people falling over on Vanessa Felter's belly, little videos, clips, and obviously they license those clips, they license those bits and bobs, and then you can buy them at scale. So you pay 250 quid, but you get about 10 clips, I would say. So that's what I'm thinking. There's always a cottage industry. Oh, mate, there'll be somebody making some decent amount of whack from you being framed. But you notice that a lot of them are Spanish or US,

and so therefore they probably wouldn't be sending them into you being framed if you lived in Arkansas. Ricky Gervais said that he made a point once where this couple were at a zoo, and their toddler climbed a fence and fell into the gorilla's enclosure

and they were just filming it. Yeah. And I was like what are you doing? What are you doing? Dinner on the shore baby.

Dinner on the shore. Their own child Peter. That is sickening by you and I think the only way we can end today's episode. So take it away get us

out of here farewell Harambee lovers all around the world we'll be back on Thursday morning for more fun and games if you fancy a bit of us on Twitter at

Logan Pete show we're also on Instagram at Logan Pete show on Insta and do email in your messages hello at Logan Pete show dot com we'll be back on Thursday. See you soon.

Say goodbye, Luke and Miller. See you later. Peace. This was a Stakhanov production and part of the ACAST Creative Network.