The Luke and Pete Show - Apple cider win-egar

Episode Date: June 30, 2022

We're throwing down the necromantic gauntlet as Pete threatens to buy tax-deductible magic tricks off the internet, all the while stinking of apple cider vinegar.Want to contact the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's time for the Luke and Pete show. It's Thursday the 30th of June. Pinch punch end of the month. We need something to end the month Luke. We've got pinch punch. Smacky mate on the arm kind of thing punch, end of the month. We need something to end the month, Luke. We've got pinch, punch, smack him here on the arm kind of thing for the first of the month. But then, what about

the end of the month, the 30th of June? You could just reverse it. Punch, pinch. Punch and pinch yourself at the end of the month. Punch and pinch, it's just an inch till the end of the month. Yeah, that works. Sweet beans, by the way.

How are the beans? They're fine. They're a bit sourer than usual because I've taken to indulging in a shot of a special elixir three times a day. You're supposed to only do it once a day, but it's so delicious. I'm thinking about it now

and I'm salivating what is it? apple cider vinegar Luke apple cider vinegar I'm drinking apple cider vinegar it's very sharp it's part of your political policies

it's part of your manifesto from Monday oh mate I've just is this a thing? yeah it's a thing you are genuinely salivating I can see you doing it. You are.

Every time I think of apple cider vinegar... It's like me and the crisp aisle. Every time I think of apple cider vinegar, it strips the enamel off your teeth, but it's supposed to help with weight loss and digestion and all that bollocks. But I just saw it in the supermarket. I went, everyone's always going on about this.

I'm going to... Are they? It had something called the mother in it. I don't really know what the mother is, but I imagine it's... That's the fermentation, right? Yeah, you know when people make yeast from 100 years old and stuff? We've got the yeast from 100 years. Have you, though? Have you, though?

Don't worry about it, dickhead. But, yeah, I've been having a shot of delicious apple cider vinegar morning, noon and night. And let me tell you oh yeah i'm smelling good tell you what i didn't even know this is a thing and because it's you i'm still doubting if it is a thing yeah it is a thing it is a thing but uh people are supposed to do stuff i don't know so on the on the on the digestion thing i can't comment i'm not i don't know anything about it but on the the weight loss thing, you do realise the only thing,

the only sole thing is calories in, calories out, right? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, yeah, how much energy in, energy out. That's it. Yeah, that's it, baby. Yeah, but then you have fat binders and stuff, so it's not necessarily that, is it? Calories, like, you can stop the calories from hanging around, can't you?

The only way you can lose weight is to be in a calorie deficit, trust me. I know I'm fat, but I know why I'm fat. Yeah, I know. It's because last week you had a flake of pastry on the floor. That was on Monday, yeah. Your cat was going to eat. You know where to find me, just follow the crumbs. In the flake aisle.

Yeah. He's very flaky. Not for the reasons you think he's flaky. No. He's literally flaky. for the reasons you think he's flaky He's literally flaky He's constantly covered in flakes I think the problem is I do too many delivery orders From Gail's Bakery

Which is not only terrible for the waistline But it's also a colossal waste of money Yeah I don't think my partner Knows precisely how much we Spend on Deliveroo. I just don't think she does. And if she did, she'd be horrified.

I know, because it comes out of my account. How much is it, do you reckon? Oh, it's astonishing. It's an astonishing amount. We're in the cost of living crisis. Why don't you tell the people listening how much it is? No. See, and that's where we're talking about me becoming a politician under uh

i'd love it if it was delivery it's your delivery bill that torpedoed your campaign he's spending 600 quid a month um yeah um so what is it it's uh it's 30th i had one a couple of days ago 19th of june this is the week that was last weekend so. 19th of June. That was the last weekend. 19th of June, The Tasty. That was a Chinese. That was for myself. Wang K, Chinese takeaway. Ordered it at half past 11 at night after a few pints.

Idiot. It arrived at 2 a.m. Idiot. It arrived at 2 a.m. when I was asleep. Idiot. Nagawa on the 15th of June. That was kind of like a Japanese thing. Honey Pocky in Angel, 6th of June. And this has been relatively good. KFC, 3rd of June, that was kind of like a Japanese thing. Honi Pocky in Angel, 6th of June.

And this has been relatively good. KFC, 3rd of June. The Tasty, 2nd of June. It's awful stuff. It's terrible. The pokeball on the 6th of June was when you fucking ordered that really stinky bowl in the middle of a massive meeting. What stinky bowl? It was just a little salmon treat.

You and John ordered one. Yeah. It's good because John pretends that he he knows he's a culinary master but really he just wants to

follow my adventures. He'll be drinking apple cider vinegar next. I don't think any you could be drinking apple cider vinegar by the fucking bucket though and that ain't going to

sort you out with that stuff. I mean the amount of Chinese I've never known anyone to eat so much chinese it's just i'm just it's the same meal every time as well you know it tastes exactly the same whatever it is crispy shredded beef why don't i find an alternative that's just a little bit healthier

it's still crap food but maybe i could make it myself i could just put it why don't i just cook it myself like like it's those things that's good those crispy shredded beef. All they do is get very tiny, minute, trace, homeopathic levels of beef. They stick them in fucking flour and fry them up in little tubes. And then they just put those little tubes in a plastic Tupperware container

and they freeze those and they bring them out, refry them, cover them in sweet and sour sauce and that's your fucking meal. Bit of carrot and you're done. Yeah. You could be doing that yourself, mate. I could be doing that myself.

I'm so fucking lazy. But I just love the idea. I'm thinking about now. I just love the idea of having a lovely bit of Chinese. Delicious. So yes. So you'd never even go from you'd never even go from deviate from that one meal.

Barely. Or if I do it's an argument to the original christy shedded beef egg fried rice and lemon chicken what's your beef with um by the way speaking of beef what's your beef with homeopathy there just having to stick in the boot in i just think uh well it's not as potent as apple cider vinegar i just want they should ramp up the ramp but what are they putting it i don't know if i can arsenic there's all kinds in there the thing that annoys me is that until about five years ago,

the NHS was funded homeopathy. Yeah, I don't know how they got away with that. I think it's Prince Charles related, actually.

Yeah, he was a big fan, wasn't he? Yeah, did he write a few letters? Oy, oy, oy. Bloody hell, the spider letters.

Do you remember they were called the spider letters? Where they go? Because of his handwriting, yeah, because of his handwriting, yeah.

Imagine, like, imagine just sort of sitting in your tarot going, oh, I'll just write a letter. I mean, at least he's doing that. That's all I'm saying. At least he's doing that. That's all I'm saying.

Can I ask you, can I do a classic Luke and Pete show step change? Yes. Because there's a really interesting story that is so in your wheelhouse, it's unbelievable, right? Yeah. There's a guy, and I can't fucking remember his name but it doesn't matter who i who was working for google in the us oh yeah and ever since i read this story i wanted

to ask you about it um who was working with ai i think i think it was initially ai language recognition right so it was how quickly and how well like an ai you know piece of technology could work out a language whether they could have conversations and stuff and he got to this stage where um he was able to have like a like an amazing conversation with this ai and to the point where i think it passed the turing test right yeah which is. Which is the thing Alan Turing is now saying is indistinguishable between a computer and a human being. And then he started to say stuff like he thought it was getting like a bit weird

and all the rest of it and it was doing shit and it was thinking about stuff and he got nervous about it and he ended up going public about it. Yeah. And then Google fired him. Yeah.

Did you see that story? I did see that story, yeah. I think he wanted to fuck it. I love it with you. I was 90% sure that's where you were going to go with this. Yeah. It just sounded a bit like,

you know that film Her with the Joker and Black Widow, as they are more commonly known. It was just like... Actually, she was recast, wasn't she? I think they originally recorded the whole film with Tandy Newton, I think, and they just went,

oh, we need someone more famous, so they got Scarlett Johansson. Takes me a while. I'll get the name of it eventually. Scarlett Johansson in there. I think they were on the show before. But it was a bit like that. I just think it just sounded like

he got a bit too high on his own supply, a little bit too close to the product, if you know what I'm saying. I think there was something going on there. It's a lot of controversy because, I mean, it gets a little bit more unsavoury given that you've taken it down there because he claimed, they've just found the engineer. He's called, let me find it here, Blake Lemoyne.

And he said that, like, essentially the computer programme, as he calls it, that they've built that, like, essentially, the computer program, as he calls it, that they've built, is, like, roughly to kind of like an eight-year-old kid who's quite good at physics. Uh-oh. Why bring that in? That's what he said. That's what he said. You had the choice to leave me legally sound. You took it that way.

You took it that way. You pushed me into the river of problems. You took it that way, and it's up to you. Can you go to prison for nonsense computer that's the big questions we see that's the big question we have to ask these questions that'll be the next big that'll be the next theological kind of debate but the interesting development the interesting development on that front is the idea that you know for you talked about her then you know have you seen the film ex machina i haven't no but it has been mentioned it's amazing right so he so he the the

character played by oscar isaacs um aka my wife's favorite man in the whole world he he takes it another step he says it's not about the cheering test for for now it's about i can give you an ai robot and i can tell you it's a robot and what i'm interested in is whether you as a human can genuinely feel affection and love for it as if it was a human right yes yeah that's the kind of next phase and um people i mean and and the guys at eureka who we dropped an episode off on this feed a while back have done an episode that came out i think last week which i haven't listened to yet about ai and about whether they think it's um rick's worried about his future yeah rick's worried for himself uh about whether rick was like it was so funny rick was like because dr

michael brooks was saying all this stuff and then you can see rick's like cogs turner and he just goes so um thinking about how i kind of personally survived this revolution do you think there'll be ai radio presenters well it's just kind of like there will be and of course there'll be AI radio presenters? Well, it's just kind of like, there will be, and of course there will be, and anyone who thinks that there won't be, you know, I'm too important. I'm not saying Rick's saying that, but people will actually think, well, they'll never replace me.

I think they will replace good presenters. They won't replace me, who sounds like he's had a brain injury. No, you can't replicate that. You can't replicate that. You can't. So I think I'm in fucking hog heaven here. I think I'm having a great time

because I'm so bad at my job. You will never, you'll never get. I always say this about women on the radio or whatever or in football or games, you know, kind of the preserve that was um historically thought of as as a very male focused uh place um i live for the time where you can have someone as bad as me in football journalism or football presenting or or video game journalism or video presenting i i live for someone who's as badly organised and explains things as poorly as I do

because then there will be some semblance of equality. Women have to be, you know, minorities have to be ten times better than us. They just have to be for people to fucking accept them. I agree with the general point, but I think you also just need to get over yourself a bit. I think you've left enough evidence, Pete, to show that you are good at what you do.

I just think you're a bit fucking mad. That's not the same thing but yeah so so so i'm comfortable but then i then i sort of say you know like um i used to do like quite a lot of voices and stuff and this isn't necessarily ai but it certainly has had deep learning pumped into it and artificial intelligence i could definitely see how ai could do that voiceovers you know like that tiktok fucking voice that american voice hello i am an american voice and i speak like this that's what you're doing is it and it sounds great it's like yeah well that's what i mean so like they'll they won't need uh they obviously won't need that they right now have an approximation of quite a um you know in certain places like a pretty decent uh a decent bit of ai

voiceover so voiceovers won't be needed anymore uh presenters won't necessarily be needed anymore but there'll be some level of art that still needs to be done done done by people surely and i guess i need to sort of um you know listen again to that show but but it just made me laugh that that uh like you said the cogs would turn and And he was like, oh, fuck. Yeah. And I think in the creative industry, it's slightly different, right? And if you're going to get philosophical about it, you could probably argue that, say, in mainstream commercial radio,

a lot of stations don't have presenters now, apart from Breakfast and Drive, because they have a computer that can choose the music, that can work out what's most popular, that can work out what people want to listen to at a certain time of day. And really, that's kind of a version of AI, right? It's a machine learning process. But I would also say this.

It's not the creative people, I don't think, that need to worry about it. I think it's the people who do completely procedural, scientific-based stuff, no matter how good they are. And I don't mean the kind of development of discoveries necessarily in the scientific sphere i mean things like surgery and pilots and things like that because ultimately ultimately clearly now if we're being totally honest it's actually only a generational cultural thing that pilots have to be in planes probably, right? They're easily capable of flying on their own, right?

So what is the reason why that's not happening? It's because people don't feel comfortable, I would argue. That's the main driver of it, right? Yeah, I think that's fair. And they would say, oh, yeah, but you need someone there in case something goes wrong. Well, the reality is the machine is far less likely to go wrong than the person is. The machine doesn't fall asleep or have a beer or have a heart attack. That 787 MAX bit of programme...

Well, obviously shit goes wrong. I'm not saying shit doesn't go wrong. Could not have come at a better time for pilots, one would argue. Yeah, exactly, yeah. But it's not a machine that's kind of... It's not a machine that's fallible, is what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, that's something we've all got to look forward to. But I think Lukeible, is what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, that's something we've all got to look forward to. But I think the Luke and Pete show is safe for a while, yeah.

We've got a few weeks, haven't we? We've got a few weeks before the world burns, eh? We should put AI presenters in and see how long it takes people to notice. Start a fucking union, mate. We should start a Luke and Pete show union. What, me, you and Rory? Rory's not getting involved.

He's too physically imposing. Rory's the only one that should have it. We own it. Oh, yeah. Rory wants to see the means of political class. I don't think I really understand how a union works. Basically, if you turn up... Mammy and Daddy are very much on one side of this fucking debate

and one of them used to be a fucking minor. Good Christ. That's crazy how... Fucking Daily Mail, man. Fucking Daily Mail. Fuck them. It's crazy how people are so easily malleable, right? Oh, they're all...

You know, my dad's suddenly very, very interested in trans athletes. Oh, very interested indeed. You and your dad have bonded over Wordle. We have bonded over Wordle. So don't undo all that nice work. That's true. We have bonded over Wordle. What would happen if the word one day was trans?

Trans athlete. Godfrey Pubey rugby team. We are enjoying Wordle, Godfrey Pubey rugby team yeah it's just like it's it's we are enjoying Werdl but I I don't think it's been a single day

where I've managed to beat him because I the difference between me and him is he's got unlimited time and he starts his day at one o'clock

in the morning so he can sort of still baffling that he can really sort of like agonise over each particular round whereas I I'll just toss off a couple of rounds because I'm like I just want to discover the more letters Still baffling, that. He can really sort of, like, agonise over each particular round. Whereas I, I'll just toss off a couple of rounds because I'm like, I just want to discover

more letters than her. And to be honest, and the other side of my little coin is that I play Hurdle with Sarah. And fuck me, she's good at Hurdle. Like, she is the best at Hurdle. It does my nutting. But she's a radio DJ, right? She must have spent her life listening to intros with music.

The only one she doesn't get is when they've cleaved off the start of a song for the radio edit. You know what I mean? She will nail every goddamn song, like, within a second. It's incredible. I've never done Hurdle, but I'm presuming, and this is not meant to cheapen the partner you have access to his achievements at all but i'm presuming it's all quite mainstream pop music right in the grand scheme of things

yeah but it goes by decades in there are you no you're not but you but no they're big songs but like this i mean especially in the 80s where everything was the same fucking synthesizer everything's the fucking tr, whatever you called it. Good, wasn't it? Every fucking drum sounded exactly the same. And she can just go bang, bang, bang. Honestly, it's astonishing. And you know your music.

I think she'd beat you as well. It's insane. Oh, I smell a special. I smell a Patreon special. She would beat me. I'm sure she would beat me. I'm not that good at it. It's bizarre.

I do know a bit about it, but I'm not that good at it. Speaking of which, speaking of the old TR80, I suppose you heard that Kate Bush interview on Women's Hour, did you? Oh, I didn't. I saw that she'd been interviewed, because she never gets interviewed about anything, does she, really? No, exactly. That's what was interesting. It reminded me of you last week, Sam,

that you were falling hook, line and sinker for all the rumours about her live show. Damn it, boy. But I just like to hear from her because it's just the scarcity of... It's such a novelty these days, right? Yeah. People say that, oh, you know...

One of the things I find really interesting, and you'll probably be on this side as well, and maybe you can disavow me of this notion, is there's a real kind of... Mostly Twitter, let's be fair. a real kind of mostly twitter let's be fair a real kind of twitter fueled um kind of conversational point around kate busher that she is quote a a tory artist and that like she's a disgrace because she's a tory and stuff and and um i find that really interesting because it's like first of all she never really speaks and second of all what does it fucking matter? I didn't get that sniff from her, to be honest.

What she said in the past, like, is she... I don't know. I'm not really sure. But bear in mind, her historical political protestations would have been at an era where the Tories probably made a little bit more sense than these absolutely dribbling internet trolls. You know what I mean? Yeah, given that the same people

who absolutely fucking lionised David Bowie, who went through quite a severe Nazi phase Oh, he was always getting caught at the borders with a little medal here and there Britain is ready for a fascist leader I think Britain could benefit from a fascist leader Fascism is really nationalism I believe very strongly in fascism

Look, I didn't It's quite unchemicalomical isn't it and then he said he retracted the comments later and said I had a lot of mental instability caused by my drug problems I was out of my mind

is what he said but there's an amazing video we shouldn't make like that because it's obviously terrible but it's funny to me how people pick and choose but there's an amazing video of David Bowie shouldn't make like that because it's obviously terrible but it's funny to me how people pick and choose but there's an amazing video of David Bowie in the depths of his cocaine addiction which has obviously caused this amazing paranoia and he's in the back of a taxi being interviewed

and my god, because of how he looks as well speaking of AIs, he does not look like a fucking human being in any way, shape or form, so I don't know why people get so hurt up about that kind of stuff and then will just easily dismiss. Basically, what it comes down to is a combination of

I like Kate Bush and I like the fact that other people now like her or I don't like her, so I'm going to use her perceived political views, which I can't even confirm about her. Anyway, should we take a break and then talk about Paul Daniels? Yes, please. All right. Oh, but not a lot i'm paul daniels and i'm gonna wear my wand and some magic's gonna happen on the lucan picture uh that was an ident that he recorded for the lucan picture didn't actually exist when uh before he died uh that's

the last thing he did before he died last thing he did before he died he's like well my work here is done then he was trampled by an elephant. Flew into space. An elephant threw him into space. It was brilliant. Let's do the batteries first, Pete. All right, then. We got batteries.

We got batteries from boys and batteries. Actually, it might just be boys this time. So, yeah, cool. Batteries from boys. Brian. Long time listening. Haven't heard you read these ones out hoping they are new players

Medcell found in the radio in a box in the shed Brian with actually yeah it's Medcell yeah it's not

Messel oh no maybe it is I don't know it's Medcell it is Medcell is it Medcell okay Medcell professional have we got a Medcell

in the Luca Piccio email box? Congratulations to you, Brian, with a Y, because that is a new player, my friend. Hey! We're starting off whiteout, baby. Five years this summer, and we're still getting new players. Well done, Brian.

I'm loving it. I'm bloody loving it. Adam Mills, come in with one. All right, boys, I've got a couple of batteries for you to look at. Hopefully, at least one is a new player. They are from a Sartorius printer in my work. I wonder what a Sartorius printer is and why it needs a battery. NX, that's going to be hard to search for.

And NX PowerTech. If we just go for NX PowerTech, I think that's... Yeah, so, I mean, Adam, you are very close here. You are the second person to send in the NX and NX Power Tech. That was a new player discovered by Craig Suter on the 10th of July last year. So you're almost a year out of date, I'm afraid. Right, OK. But a good effort nonetheless, just not quite a new player, sadly.

I'm wondering what size... Have you got, like, a picture of that? Because, like, what size battery is it? Like, is it like a little phone battery? No, they're just straight double days Oh, decent, nice. James Crosby has got in touch with an H-Cell Energy

That's H-Cell Energy Hi, look at Pete. I recently took a trip to Kansas with my wife to visit a family who stayed with their grandparents for a few days They own a two-storey garage large enough to fit 13 cars inside. So full of stuff that it currently only fits three.

Her grandad has a slight hoarding problem. I wanted him to show me around the garage because I haven't been able to visit for a couple of years due to COVID. Once inside, I was reminded of his love for flashlights. They were everywhere. He loves a flashlight.

I was then more interested in screwing flashlights to check where the batteries were when he wasn't looking. I was in the restored classic cars he has in there from the 1930s. Unfortunately, many of the flashlights contain mainstream brands, and I was only able to find one I'd never heard of before, and it was called H-Cell Energy. It sounds like James from Flickston's Kansas-based grandparent-in-law is very much, he's a hoarder, but he likes the cash and carry.

So he just buys a load of Duracells, but every now and again, at a push, he'll flirt with an HCL Energy. Just make sure you're screwing a flashlight and not a fleshlight, because I think that's got a slightly different thing. That's true, yeah. I don't think they need batteries from memory. Sorry, from reading the internet.

From memory of yesterday. It's a great long run up. It's a fantastic email. It's great to get an insight into that. I just love the pictures that James is painting there with his words. I can imagine the big garage somewhere in rural Kansas. I am also delighted to add that the H-Cell Energy is indeed a brand new player. It's good stuff.

It's another winner. That's two out of three. Two out of three ain't bad, baby. Who sang that song? Two out of three ain't bad. It's Meatloaf. Meatloaf. And speaking of rockers...

What? Bang! That's a link. Paul Daniels? No. We can talk about Paul Daniels after this. We got an email from GJM. Hello, GJM, on Twitter.

Good evening to the people. Definitely not the Luke. An email on Twitter, Grandad. Good evening to the people. Definitely not the Luke. Please can you give us warning if you're going to drop something horrific in passing conversation like, the darkness of a band from about 20 years ago. I gasped like I'd been shot in the chest.

Good day, sir. GJM. Did you see, and follow Jasper also got involved. I'm fucking old. Everyone's very upset with you telling everyone that... Follow Jasper's never been more offended than hearing that fact. Never been more offended, I know. Listen, I feel your pain.

I understand it totally. If you want to tweet at Follow Jasper on Twitter with some abuse, do so. Don't say that. It sounds like he needs a bit of perspective. It sounds like the man needs a bit of perspective. But you know, Justin Hawkins... Tell him Luca Pete sent you. Justin Hawkins came into the studio last week to do Jack's show.

And apparently he was an absolute gentleman. So I'm very pleased to hear that. He's a lovely chap. I saw him... I was doing... I was doing in abroad in Japan. We'd been kicked out of the main studio. So we were doing it in a meeting room.

So we... I popped in because... Translation. He didn't book the studio. So he had were doing it in a meeting room so we I popped in because translation he didn't book the studio so he had to do it in a meeting room no way no dice

that does not sound like me and and I no I'm a man who just rolls with the punches bad news good news

it's all either's going to make me depressed so I may as well just roll with the punches either's going to make you fly off the handle so we pop up so we popped in and to see,

because I wanted to introduce Chris to Jack, couldn't do it because they were interviewing, Justin Hawkins in the studio. I was like, oh, I love him. I think he's very... And when we have to calm you down... Justin Hawkins rides again, again. That's great, isn't it?

When we have to calm you down the office pete we just get you like a little little baby and rock you and have a little baby's bottle with some apple cider vinegar in it i'd love that why is that kid sucking on apple cider vinegar imagine what the staff would think imagine what our colleagues would think like they walked to the office one morning and i was just doing that to you well i i think how things have changed just in our lives that we both had very similar trousers on and I suggested we should rub the crotches on each other

and you seemed a bit embarrassed you said no we shouldn't do that we shouldn't do that in front of our colleagues that don't know what the past was like yeah because if it was just you and me in the office, I would have think that was funny. Right.

But really, you have got to observe the fact that there is, like, employment law does exist. Yeah, not between us two. That's true. I've seen no... We've drawn up our own laws for that. Listen, we've been trailing Paul Daniels' stories all day. You have?

Yeah, I want to... I couldn't be bothered with him. I want to talk about the one that Mike Scott sent in, because it really chimed with me. It chimed with me. And it only came in an hour ago. I want to chime with you all night. Yeah, exactly.

Mike says, Gents, long time listener, third time emailer. This may be the least interesting of the three emails sent, but I felt compelled to contact you about paul daniels as a man born in the early 80s like yourselves i was subject to paul daniel's related entertainment throughout my childhood and i want to discuss two main issues right okay one the paul daniels magic set surely ubiquitous among people our age in retrospect this christmas treat was absolute dog i remember trying to entertain relatives with the ball in three cups and other such toss retrospectively my kids now

i swallowed that ball i remember now i saw that ball came out the other end brilliant could i be could i be less surprised i couldn't i bet back then it was a it was like an asbestos rubber fucking vulcanized rubber monstrosity i bet that's taken five years off my life i had the magic set as well and i couldn't do a single fucking thing with it i had a little rope didn't it for like they put the rope there it was so sweet um afro mike's like he's um he's included the photo of the magic set and the manual that he came with it right and um i just remember it being absolutely baffling there was a magic wand in it where if you did a certain trick the white because you know like a magic wand is black with the white bits at the end yes like if you did a certain trick the white bit would

slip down and overlap with each other so it looked like you changed the physical makeup of the wand but it was so fucking hard to do and when you could do it was so shit like it was completely pointless the thing the thing that gets me about uh uh you know what you know i'm not a big fan of magicians the thing that gets me is like none of none of the ones you see none of the magicians you see have ever made up their own trick and even if they have it's a variation of a very old trick and the the fundamentals is they've gone to a magic shop or they've gone online and they've put their money down and they've bought that trick. Every fucking TikTok, every Instagram, every Twitter fucking magician has just bought something online.

Like, and fine, they've practiced the craft. Maybe I should do that one week. I'll just dazzle you with a magic trick and you'll think that I'm like a Paul Daniels level magician. But in reality you're just bought it off the internet. I think you're talking absolute shit.

What are you talking about? There's no way you could execute a great magic trick. Most magicians just buy their shit online. But they're still doing it. Yeah, they're still doing it.

I'll go. Right, next time we do a little peach shot in the studio I'll bring a fucking magic trick and I will nail that magic trick in front of you. Okay, well, that would be amazing.

I definitely want that to happen. Okay. I will film that. But secondly, to use an analogy, this is the first time you've ever made a note for anything. To impress Luke. Yeah. Well, to be fair,

I've been making notes all the way through this because I'm going to have to edit the show and I've got producer Rory's bum hole from the previous episode, Disney racism, public pooing in the Peteocracy, apple cider vinegar, AI,

and just some batteries. So I have been making notes, actually. I love the idea of you doing that. I think our listeners would agree. But when you go to the opera and you witness an amazing performance, no one in the crowd is thinking well they haven't written that they just learned it that i just think that's not what performance is it's a performance isn't it yeah but you're performing but you're yeah but just the the the raw

fucking the raw cheek of just walking into a magic shop and like there was this lad they used to do um he's called rick shaw uh he he used to do a uh he used to do a couple of shows on on xfm back in the day and he loved magic and he loved doing magic and stuff and his name is rick shaw it wasn't his real name is rick cutler but for some reason they made him change it because not xfm that's my favorite care a previous radio station made him change his name because he was too Jewish. Though Cutler, to me, I don't think that's Jewish. I was confused. He is Jewish. I didn't come here to talk about how Jewish he is.

Sorry, can I just confirm, was he Jewish? You would not believe what he could do with his foreskin. What a magic trick. He just made it disappear. I went, what have you done, Rick that's amazing no no he was uh he he loved magic and he and basically all of his stuff was just chintzy fucking um tricks you'd buy off the internet and they were well performed but he'd sort of go pete look at this look at this magic bag I've got. I was like, right. A bag that no one's ever seen. It looked like different to any other bag you've seen in the world ever.

And he went, look at this bag. Look, I'm going to bring out a, what did he call it? He called it like an ornament. I'm going to bring out an ornament, right? How do you know this guy? Because you work with him. Yeah, he's a DJ. Lovely lad.

Really nice lad. Jewish. He pulls out this ornament, right? But it's not an ornament. It's clearly a plastic, sort of thin, clear plastic thing that can clearly be, if pushed at a certain angle, flattened to the bottom of a fucking bag. And he went, look, the ornament just disappeared.

No one's putting that on their fucking fireplace, Rick. That's a nonsense. You just bought that on the internet and now you're trying to pass it off as something you've invented. I'm having none of it. And I'm sorry to assassinate a man who's just trying to do good magic tricks for me,

but I just find it's just lying. It's just lying to me. It's like saying I think football is a crap because I went to the park and saw a guy do three keepy-ups and he lost his ball. It's not really comprehensive as an assessment is it how jewish is he i just think i just think it's whole the whole thing is just like there's just too much capitalism in there it's too much like i'll go buy someone else

a trick that they've invented and they've spent ages crafting this perfect trick that and then they go online and they sell that trick they They sell the secret, they sell the equipment, and they sell it to you. But I don't understand why you're so hit up about the trading tricks. So what? I don't understand the problem. I'm just going to say, right, so, right, have you got a magic trick on your mind that really impresses you? That you sort of go, fuck, that's an amazing trick.

Not something with the Wall of China. I can't buy that on the internet. That's an illusion, isn't it? David Blaine in a box. What do you mean, in a box? Is that a magic trick? David Blaine in a box. That wasn't a magic trick. He just did in a box.

What about when they saw people in half? What about that? Right. Sawing people in half trick. That's an illusion as well, right? Buying the box. It's just a box, isn't it? It's just funny.

Like, okay, two tables. Okay. Are you going to buy one off the internet? I'm going right? Buying the box. It's just a box, isn't it? It's just funny. Like, okay, two tables. Okay. Are you going to buy one off the internet? I'm going to buy one off the internet. I don't know how to find one. But there will be somewhere that sells these special... Here we go. Look, the Merchant of Magic.

He's selling... Oh, he sounds good. A super levitation trick. What is it? Yeah, you just buy it and it's just... Is it just... Yeah, it's just is it just yeah it's just a special table

that you sit on an assistant is placed in a trance and told to climb on a board that's resting on two screens and lie down flat

it's one and a half thousand pounds I'm not going to be buying that one for next week because I think that would even stretch the

the auspices of my my my accountant's idea of what constitutes fair dealing. It'd explode. It'd fucking explode if you did that. Pete, that's not happening. But yeah, you can buy that trick.

And it's the instructions and the table and the super levitation and stuff. It's so expensive. And that's Paul Daniels there who died earlier today at 83. Yeah, the cutting-off one. You can buy the box for £1,741. You can buy it. I love it. I love the idea of you being asked to go on the BBC News

to talk about Paul Daniels and the aftermath of his death and then try to cut off to a new story and you're in the background just going, you can fucking buy the tricks. He bought them. He bought the tricks. He bought them on the internet internet he's a fucking clown aliexpress 1741 down from 1800 it's disgusting what they're doing thanks it's disgusting not

me i made my microphone disappear by punching it thanks for your email mike um yeah thanks for the second point you made about um paul daniel's narrating the children's show whiz bit which i do remember yeah that was absolutely harrowing it was awfully scary really weird look at the screenshots now that away yeah my oh my god magic magic magic yeah sorry i think a lot i think a lot of um 80s children's tv shows the people on them making them were just off their tits. There's one called Ulysses, which I thought was brilliant, and the theme tune's amazing. The theme tune's so I've spent those six months writing it. That was a Japanese cartoon, though,

based on the... That was just anime that's been rebadged for the Westerns, I guess. But the way I see it, it's like this. What's the pitch to the network? Have you got an idea for a show? Yeah. We're going to do Ulysses, so we're going to do like an ancient Greek philosopher's story

set in the future in space for kids. Yeah. Get out of my office. Get out of my office. Yeah. I've had a man in here sign a woman enough. Oh, that's impressive. That's what kids want to see. He bought it. He bought the woman.

No, the trick. He bought you, fool. That's the end of our see. He bought it. He bought the woman. No, the trick. He bought you, fool. Pete, that's the end of our tribute to Paul Daniels. We've done the batteries. We've done an email. We've ticked the box. That was an email special in which we did one email for about two minutes. I will say that Paul Daniels is probably respected

and probably made up loads and loads of tricks for the Magic Circle. But he doesn't buy them off the internet. The internet didn't exist when he was alive. Some people are making the tricks right yeah you know um apparently uh he was the highest member you can be in the inner magic circle and was described by them as the godfather of magic i mean why have they got an inner magic circle what next where's this going to end well i think the inner magic circle is is like when you go really like i think you only get it by certain decree by like the president or something yeah well that's what you have to

be like a brilliant performer and everything the masons within the masons you get kicked out if you give away the um you give away the um the secrets you know also that prince charles was in the magic circle i think i've just given him that i think they just to shut him up so i think he wrote a letter he probably wrote a letter yeah he did all right let's go all right then take us take us out of this uh pete oh wanna see some magic magic magic wanna see some magic three feet tall that's the uh theme tune to whiz bit who the fuck was green claws was that something to do with daniels that was another tv show for kids, right? He had a money, he had a magic tree that could grow anything.

No, it was a magic greenhouse, wasn't it? No, it was a tree with an owl in it, a clockwork owl in it. But he grew all these different... Get your fucking Green Claws right, mate. He grew all these different things in a greenhouse. Oh, yeah, it's in the song, isn't it? Yeah. And they would plant something like in... In the greenhouse? Oh,, it's in the song, isn't it? Yeah. And they would plant something, like, in...

In the greenhouse? Oh, it was the riddle tree, wasn't it? I was just looking it up. The riddle tree used to answer riddles and stuff. Oh, that was a side issue. I think so. It's a subplot. It's a subplot.

It's good stuff. Solid. Yeah. Get that on Netflix. Fucking Netflix. Cheaper than what you usually fucking do. I do need to go, so can you just do the outro? All right.

I'm going. We're back on Monday. It's what we do. It's the Luke and Pete show. Suckers! Hello at Luke and Pete show for us to ignore your emails. Suckers! At Luke and Pete show for us to ignore your tweets.

And at Luke and Pete show for us to ignore your Instagrams. Are you kidding me? This is the most amount of emails we've ever read on the show. We did it just in Hawkins. We did a pole dance. We did three fucking batteries. Rory, when you're not here this runs like

fucking clockwork a clockwork owl like that see you later dickheads the luke and pete show is a stack production and part of the acast creator network