The Luke and Pete Show - Arise, Battery Robot!

Episode Date: October 30, 2025

Bad news everyone: Peter has been sealing his car and now he absolutely stinks. No matter what he tries, he can't get the stink off. Luke tries to take his mind off of it by telling him the story about how the Israelis captured Adolf Eichmann. Does it work? Not really.Elsewhere, the lads ruminate on the logistics of having an entirely different and secret extra family, before introducing their newest addition to the Luke and Pete Show community, Battery Robot! Who is he (presumably it's a he)? What is he like? And what does he have for his dinner? Tune in to find out...You can also get involved by emailing us: [e-mail]! You can also get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm a zombie Hey, I'm a zombie, and it is the Luca Pietro. How you doing, Lukey Mo? It's the Logan Petro, two guys in the room. One of them, me or may not be a zombie, depending on how deep he's been bitten. Yeah, how you doing? I'm all right, thanks, Peter.

How's it going? I'm fine. Just, my body stinks, Luke. Okay. I could have told you that. My body absolutely stinks. I'll tell you for a way. Shower broken.

At the weekend, I decided, opted, if you will, to try and under seal my car. Okay. Protect it from the elements, if you will, because out in Japan... I wasn't where you had to do that. Is that a thing? Should I be doing that? Yeah, probably. It's quite a new car.

You'd be all right for a few. I've never been told about that. No one's ever said that to me. Well, when you live on the seaside with the salty sea air, the salty sea dogs, the briny sea air, it's a briny air, it can be a little abrasive on the old under, on the undercrackers of a car, and especially Japanese ones, because they don't put salt on their roads, so they don't, I don't think they seal quite a lot of their cars. And also, I think, I think I have taken my car in to, you know, have work done in it, and I think somewhere along the line, they've lost the under tray. I don't have an untray on my car anymore They've taken it, it's gone It's just gone

It's just gone Which is very upsetting I'm just looking at Apparently Japan They heat the roads In certain places Yeah I think they have Rather than using salt

Interesting Hmm Hmm Yeah Seems wasteful Sprinkillers built into roadside barriers The Shossetsu system apparently Very good

Warm water Spraying out Imagine getting that on a bit On your leg Who knew That Japan Was good at tech I know, I know right

I know from nowhere that I do I continually live in fear across many aspects of my life that there's loads of obvious stuff I should be doing that I never do and sooner or later someone's going to find out and go

what you've lived in that house for 11 years and you've never you know custom sealed the windows I have no idea no one tells me of these rules I don't know what they are I don't have any interest in DIY

and sealing one's car is something I've never heard of. No, well, it's just basically finding, it's just finding a suitable, clingy enough grease to go on the underside of your car. And I went with the product called LanoGuard. Now, I don't have a driveway, and I, and technically,

I don't think you're allowed to do a lot of work on your car just in the, in the road. I think that's illegal. But I did it anyway, because I'm a bad boy for life. Yeah. So they caught Adolf Eichmann. That's exactly. Right.

It is. What? He was doing work on. on his car. Well, I'll tell you the story in a minute. I don't want to digress too much from your story.

Well, we're quite similar fellas in many ways. I just understood the car. I used the, I used a spray mechanism to the bottom of the car that I got me, I got me ramps,

I got my car ramps, got the car up. And I'm relatively, because of the sort of camber of the road, relatively certain that car was going to just absolutely come down on top of me.

So I was just coming, running in like a ninja, spray, spree, spree, run out, run in, sprit spray, spray, run out but the stuff that they use

Lanagard absolutely stinks of if you got the dirtiest sheep in town and just and just

sweated it just got it on a runner got it on a running machine and just sweated it that's what it smells like and it is still

on my body it is still in the street where I understand it's not worth it rather a rusty car well I thought I thought you know what

I mean I'm under here now I could drive to some wasteland or I could do it outside the neighbour's house which I've done and now it stinks

so I'd like to apologise to Tim who lives next door who's front now this show does very regularly these days descend into a list

of apologies to your neighbours correct completely agree yeah but the presumably an important piece

of work that's now finished so you can at least bask in the reflected glory of that it's the bits where I've driven over speed bumps

at speed the oil pan has taken the brunt of it and kind of malformed and got rusty. That bit sealed. I don't know about anything else. Don't really know how it all works, but I've done my best and I shan't be doing it again myself because it is fucking horrible.

Have you found yourself in a situation in your life now where you're just finding things to do? No, because the things I did first time round coming back around again. Do you know what I mean? And the thing is, I like doing something for the first time. but oh I hate doing something for the second time so boring so boring I thought we've covered this I said to myself no I never do any of this practical stuff ever well I guess we're a leak in our um underneath our bath the other night our downstairs neighbours God bless them they're great neighbours they message quite that on so I think every time you have a shower it leaks into our bathroom so we're gonna oh dear we're gonna look into it and I was like well don't you look into it because you can't know anything about that no it's my responsibility we'll sort it not unless not unless Not unless you open a wall and they've looked into it

and they've climbed into a cavity wall and they've clambered up to your house in the cavity wall. Which I don't what I'm doing. I've told them that. And they're looking at you in the shower. I don't want them doing that. But I had to, you obviously have to call a plumber. The pump I fixed it.

Basically the overflow in the bath had come away. The seal had come away. And so whenever time someone had the shower, it can drip, drip, drip through the gap and it started to build up. So they fixed it. Anyway, it's fine. It cost me 300 quid or whatever, but it's fixed.

But the whole time, I was thinking I could never do this I could just never do it I think I'd make it worse it cost me a lot more money there's no point I'm 45 now

I'm good at some stuff but part of being good at some stuff is acknowledging that you're not very good at other stuff and so I just swerve it but on the Adolf Eichmann thing Adolf Eichmann was the architect of the Holocaust and he successfully fled to Argentina after the Second World War

a load of Intel tip-offs and stuff I think it was Would it have been Shimbet or Mossad Whoever the Israeli Intelligence Service was at the time Obviously tracked him down Yeah And without telling anyone

Because I don't think they fully trusted The Argentinian government To do the right thing and stuff They tracked him down Found out where he was And the key part of this story For what you were just saying Do you know this story?

No, no I don't know how they were Basically what they did was they monitored him for ages and watched him coming back from work and stuff and his routine and they found out that he was like a real bastard for,

well, he's a bastard generally, but a real bastard for fixing cars. Right, okay. So they set up a car on his walk home. This is the Israeli intelligence service. Pop the bonnet, stuck one of their agents under the hood.

Yeah. Fixing it, knowing that he wouldn't be able to resist having to look at what was going on. Oh, a little. nosy engine boy. And then he started talking to him, bent over and look himself, and they nabbed him. Right.

Could they not just nab him anywhere? Like, it just seems needlessly elaborate. I think they did the best they could. Right. But then what they did, Peter, is they dressed him in a, I think, an Israeli airline cabin crew uniform after they had knocked him out. Yeah. Chloroformed him whatever. Got him back to the old Buenos Aires airport, said he was sick and he needed to travel back with them.

They didn't question it. and they got him back to Israel. They weekend at Bernie's. Pretty much. Like, Aikman, my God. I mean, that's amazing. There's two great books about it. One's called The Nazi Hunters by Andrew Nogorski.

And the other one is called Finding Eichmann. I think if you are, it's actually quite dramatic to see somebody knocked out. Do you know what I mean? A hunting Eichman, sorry, by Neil Baskam. If you find, if you see someone and they're being carried by two burly, Israeli men. they were dressed as cabin crew as well I think yeah so they're like oh it's our cabin crew they shouldn't be on the flight

I know they're yeah it just seems you gotta have your passport check surely I don't know how it worked back then I don't know I think it was a little bit more lax I reckon a little bit more lax wouldn't it I think when he was caught I think it was the sick like in very very early 60s right okay

but yeah I always think that when you see in movies and stuff when someone gets knocked out or whatever you see you sometimes see it on in real life right I mean do you remember Have you seen that video of that bloke kicking off and making a dickhead of himself outside Box Park in Wembley? Oh, yeah, where that ex-boxer is the secret guy. And the bouncer turns out to be former heavyweight contender

Julius Francis and chins him and he's knocked out. Like, how do you know that there's something not serious wrong with him? Because his mate goes, his mates in a terrible time of it because his mate basically spends the first few minutes of that video turn him to stop it. And then the last part of the video, just trying to put him in a recovery position. You might have to wake him up

Or then night out, yeah But they put him in the recovery position And presumably he's fine But you'd be worried Wouldn't you have you chin someone like that And that happened? Yeah, so I guess But I mean

I guess if you've gone around chinning I mean I guess you've got to be more worried If you are an ex-heavyweight contending He doesn't seem worried Does he? He doesn't seem worried I don't know if you're a man of the fist Presumly you've done it a few times before

But you would be thinking that a judge if this man cracks his head and says good night. It's quite a young guy though, so, I mean, that probably counts for something. If you kind of, if you crack someone on someone's head on the pavement and they die, they will go, yeah, but I mean, he was smaller than you, and no matter what he was doing, you are a heavyweight boxer.

You kind of know. Yeah, and also, you probably shouldn't be doing that in that role. No, no, no. It's a pleasing video, though. Oh, it's very, look, any racist on a tube, Um, that man who had his glasses stolen at the protests, anything like that, it's, it's, it's, um, it makes me smaller and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, he's, he's, a bit of fast food for the soul, don't you. Exactly. Exactly. Like, a little bit of carth, catharser, who's, who's being raced on the tube, and then, uh, uh, the black man's had enough of it. Knocks him out and takes his bag and the door is closed. And he was, he's off. He must be, waking up thinking, what's that, what's that, what's a, what's happened here. What's happened here?

I've got a vague memory of being racist. Now I've lost my bag. I think I was having high tea at the Savoy. And then the next thing is I'm asleep on the Piccadilly line. So apparently the length of time a person is knocked out can vary from a fraction of a second to minutes. Or in a case of severe brain injury longer. Apparently when you get knocked out, what happens is your brain comes away from your skull and shuts down. right that's what's happening so you're literally getting a brain rattler well I mean

because it's always it's always like lads who can really punch they always like it's it's the jaw isn't it it's the jaw that sort of knocks you out in it yeah if you get someone it's to do with the pressure points around the ear or something yeah yeah sucks you're I told you I got knocked out um as a kid I told you that by um my mate's dad who knocked it chopped a tree down at land on me oh yeah that's right yeah and I was sick take some take some take some yeah I've done it and I remember I probably will for me. I remember him being very keen for me to convales at his house. Right, yeah, I bet he was. Just delay some time between going back to my mum and dad's down the road.

Spinal fluid, goping out of your nose. Put me on the sofa. Give me a Lucasade. I can't do enough for me. I'll go to your off-laces and get you some chocolate, if that's going to help. That's going to help. That's going to help. That's going to help. Yeah. That's pretty bad. It's pretty bad. Do you want me to go to a prison and your friend's dad, your friend not have a dad anymore? That's what you want.

He was in the Navy, so he was away a lot anyway. I wonder what proportion or percentage of my friend's dad's who are in the Navy growing up, which is basically everyone, apart from my dad. How many of them actually went inside for a bit and said they're away? Oh, yeah, yeah. Or other families, which happened quite a lot to the naval fork of the North East. Such as yourself. Well, yeah, I'm out in Japan all the time, me, just looking after.

Danny Dyer talks about that. doesn't he? Danny Dyer says that... Have you heard the Danny Dyer-Louis-Rue episode? I've heard the bits where he's talking about Pinter and stuff, but yeah. It's a bit where he talks about how when he was nine years old. I think it's a woman turns up at his family home. Yeah.

And his dad basically turns out his dad's got a whole other family. Yeah. Busting that one. I mean, I know you want to get one back over the man of the house being a pain in the ass and doing what he did. I do sort of think you I know it's instinctual

and it's something like she'd be raging though wouldn't she very very traumatic that you would be raging but you would also be like I mean

you what's worse I mean nothing good comes out of this why ruin two families you know but you're probably in a situation where you're like

I've not I know and so it's only fair that they know you probably if you're thinking rationally you'd probably say to the ultimatum you've got to tell them yeah and if you don't I'll tell them kind of thing right yeah it's obviously a deeply traumatic thing the thing I take away from it of course with

due respect to the people who are victims of it which is awful but if I may make a semi frivolous point for the purposes of a podcast episode I would just say that um what are these men doing because my life is complicated enough what are they doing to be fair I said that about people who got two kids I'm like what what yeah true same but but men who have more than one, just affairs man I just, I don't have But it's like an affair times a million Yeah

You're living a whole of a life How are you managing it And why do you want to do it But presumably Something quite 80s about it People get pregnant And people You know, that's how that happens

I suppose But I mean, yeah I mean just How do people get pregnant Pete? I don't know To be fair You could kind of like DIY You could kind of

used stuff that you had in one house, two sheds. Now I'm thinking about you've got two sheds. Two houses, two sheds. Two places to put your wood. Two places to keep you under sealant. But think about the cost of having to have two homes, though. Yeah, I mean, that... How are you having the mortgage meeting about that?

Absolutely. It seems you're kind of registered somewhere else as well, yeah. Yeah, so you're your first home? Wow. do I get a first time buy his discount there's just red flags everywhere there are red flags everywhere

it must be because back in the day admin was very manual wasn't it? Yeah yeah Stit lines It's the old murderous stit lines Yeah it is a bit It is a bit

But anyway I don't really sound frivolous about it Because Danny Dyer was clearly He's very deeply affected by it He talked about it quite Yeah, of course Eloquently I thought I actually think Danny Dyer's

quite an interesting character these days You kind of reinventing himself by apologising for stupid shit he's done and um and now people like him but then also kind of um but then also kind of uh just having one job and keeping that forever he's still any stenders isn't he now he left did he leave oh what's he doing then what's he getting up to him for a comedy performance for mr big stuff which is quite funny oh okay you see mr big stuff i'm not seen mr big stuff feels like a sky sky one product that's worse than that it's sky max what sky what's

I'm not even though Skymax, but it's Skymax. Wow, okay. But it's written by Ryan Sampson guy who does, what else is he done? I can't remember. But anyway, the point is that Ryan Sampson plays this quite meek family man. And then one day in Essex, and then one day is sort of tear away, terrifying brother turns up.

And it's Danny Dyer. I see. And the whole thing descends into farce. But Danny Dye is very good on it. Hmm. It's, yeah, I mean, He won the BAFTA for it. I don't know if that means anything,

presumably it does, but it's pretty funny. Yeah. Oh, there you go. Well, there you go. Any TV floating your boat, Donaldson? What have I watched that recently? American Office, probably.

American Office probably. I've watched a documentary about the very definition of a Karen who was living on a road where just lots of kids. Like, you know, half adorable, half annoying kids. just running around and just, you know, raising hell as kids can do. And this woman is just like one of those. You know, the sort of woman who calls the police

because some black people are having a barbecue on a beach. Do you know, those kind of fellas? It's one of them, basically, and she's just slowly going insane. And the thing about, like, kids is, once you start marking yourself out as a humoless racist, You're going to get Like however many times the parents say

Don't go over there and give her hell Don't do this, don't do that Your kids, you're going to go That's where that awful woman lives She's like the boogeyman She's the boogie woman from in the road So they're kind of ramping up Yeah, they're ramping up the

The noise and sort of But at the same time She is just slowly going insane And it ends with She shoots through a door this is in America presumably yes she shoots through a door

because she's gone fucking documentaries in the UK of that nature rarely end in gun violence do they no no it's a crossbow at best

it's always farming men with crossbows that's where wasn't there a map wasn't there like a stand your ground I know we don't have standing ground but it's like you earn the right to defend your property block

that was a shotgun though not a cross by but you remember the guy in the 90s and they shot a TV guy they shot a docke they shot somebody

from like the TV industry I think and shot him in the hand I remember it was a big thing on Luck North

I think it might have been in the northeast back in the 90s and he shot and he was and he was just this rotten farmer

who he'd done something anyway shot the the TV sort of production staffer in the

hand and I remember him sort of like hauling his hand up where he'd been shot I don't remember that I do remember the story of

Tony Martin who died earlier this year That is the farmer who shot the boy Yeah with the 12 gauge Yeah And it was a bit It was a bit like Well he was leaving Yeah so it turned out that

So it became like a tabloody debate Didn't it about You're defending your property or whatever Your home But then it turned out The devil wasn't the detail Because Tony Martin The guy was the kid was young

one and he was he was running away from um from the property when it happened and tony martin didn't have a firearm certificate or a license or anything like that yeah so but it's a kid was 16 years old you're right though that it was all kind of like this man you know he deserved to defend his property then you you're right then you actually read the data i've noticed um i think we spoke about it before but i've noticed a lot of um right those kind of um daily mail um facebook posts and it's just kind of like you know immigrant does this Sigurgood does that and we're going to

chop off person's head and it's like really? I probably would have heard this story and you click on the link

click through at the website it happened in Kazakhstan 10 years ago and you're like you are really fucking trying

very hard to make this sound like this happened here I mean you really have to dig around going

hmm yeah that guy's the guy who got killed he's kind of got a bit of a Russian he kind of

name oh he's from Georgia right right okay it was it was Georgia 15 years ago it was like

proper mad shit like that they're trying to get away with my god that stuff happens online all the time now loads of footage it claimed to be oh this is you know kings lynn last week it's not it's like somewhere in east of europe the american civil war yeah it's ridiculous isn't it that going back to that tony martin thing i remember when my house was burgled well i was in it which is really frightening and i'm not

saying it's not a horrible traumatic experience because obviously it is tony very violating dead now anyway but um but yeah it was horrible and um My friend, who's a police officer, you've got a senior police officer now. I remember telling me at the time, and I think the law is still the same. It's like you can use reasonable force, right? Yes. And I guess like a jury of your peers decides whether it's reasonable or not. But I do kind of have some sympathy with the idea that, I mean, obviously I don't have a gun or access to guns or anything like that.

But you can see yourself like kicking someone in if they broke into your house and you try to defend your family. And that could end badly, right? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. The best piece of advice I've ever heard if someone breaks into your house at night is don't turn any of the lights on.

Yeah, because you know where everything is. Because you know your house. Yeah. But like... I still frighten though, isn't it? The thing is, though, I, you know, you have these fantasies all the time, but we all know I can't do anything.

But I'm going to be a victim of it, mate, because I tell you what's going to, I keep forgetting my key. Right, okay. What? Do you see keep leaving keys around? No, so I just, I just think that, um, I'm going to,

get in because the door's open or something. Right. And then the Wi-Fi of Action is going to kick me to death. Oh, right. Yes. I see. Well, that's what I mean? I just don't think you would have to be a very, I'm hoping for an elderly gentleman cat burglar with like, you know,

hamburger style kind of clothes on looking for gold and diamonds and like sneaking up the stairs. I could probably kick him in because he's elderly and he's a thin cat burglar, a wily cat burglar. you know, rappelling through a skylight. But anybody... Like Raffles the Amateur Cracksman, the great Victorian comedy novel. Exactly. Or, but more lately,

it's going to be somebody who has a fentanyl addiction who just needs his stuff. He just needs stuff to tell. Like that bloke trying to smash into St. James' part the other day with the base of a parasol. Was he?

What? Trying to get into... In broad daylight. Yeah. With the back end of a parasol. It's a sad story. I mean, I'm not trying to. make light of it. It's sad, but he was

basically just using this umbrella parasol base and smashing the window I guess it was the shop on the side of the stadium or something. Oh, right, okay, yeah. Not Sanchez the Park in London the actual... No, as in Newcastle United Stadium. I just always think that, like,

you'd probably get more money out of a charity shop, do you know what I mean? Like, it's just too obvious. It's too much of an icon. Don't recommend to rob charity shops, Peter. Don't rob charity shops for cry out loud. I just always think that people who, like, commit crimes over Pokemon cards and stuff. Yeah.

It just seems to... Yeah. Go for the copper. Get on roof. Steal some lead. I used to get so much copper. When I was an electrician's labourer doing shopping centres, we used to get so much copper. And the governor used to let us have it.

What? You just, what? You just, if you can get rid of it, you can have it. Like, you'd be stripping it, because part of the job would be stripping down, stripping out the shops and stripping out the shopping centre and stuff. right because it'll be even refitted and he was like yeah any copy you find you can have and we used to go and take it the scrap metal guy and get the money for it and use it for beers that's awesome it was like a perk of the job at the time i don't know if it still is but anyway basically on the reasonable force thing my friend said that um yeah if you are defending yourself you know you could knock someone out but don't carry on after that yeah yeah yeah entirely reasonable i think that's absolutely reasonable yeah but you would you would sort of be like right well what if i'm i'm i'm i'm You know, you fantasising that you're hog tying them to a, to a, to a, to a, um, a bit of rope. I'd love to cable tie someone to a radiator and just call the police real calm.

And just, yeah, and sort of go, boy, George here. It's happened again. It's happened again. He did do that, didn't he? He did do that. That's a weird story, wouldn't it? He did do, he get to it. Wasn't he having a, was he having an argument with, um, the woman out of Malaco?

I want to say. Was he really? He was having an online spat. with the woman out of Malauko who, who's the woman at Malauco? What's her name?

I don't know. She Irish lady? Don't know. I'm going to look at you if you want. Malauca lady is, no, not Malauca. She's Roshin Murphy. Roshin Murphy.

Now, she has strong opinions about certain subjects like certain wizard authors and he was having an argument with her online, I believe, recently. I think he's just painting now as well. Right.

You know he goes on these sort of little rabbit holes. You know, I've been on Boy Jaws' Facebook page for ages. You've not mentioned the guy on his radio yet. The story is that apparently he was convicted of assault and false imprisonment of Orden Carlson, a Norwegian model of mail escort, who initially stood for a photography session at his house before being handcuffed to a wall fixture and beaten with a metal chain. Oof, now.

Yeah. Yeah. That feels like... Fifteen months bird for that. I mean, should he have got that? I think that's fair, isn't it? I think that's... He was out after four months.

All right. Okay. Well, you're saying that he shouldn't be allowed and tell you now because of that? I think that if you're whipping sex workers with chains, as they're tied to a radiator, that feels like... That feels like something that shouldn't necessarily... You shouldn't really be back out on the streets doing... you know singing about do you really want to hurt me um ironically yeah well here's hoping he gets

visited by the karma chameleon at some point exactly lovely stuff um shall we do some though i would say that recently i've just read that boy george has suffered from a hemorrhage polyp on his vocal so wish him all the best uh can't sing no don't wish him all the best wish him whip his polyp in isn't i'll say boy george i help with this polyp dr donelson here whip give him a big old whip and then i'll go out of prison for that amount of time. Just whip that polyp off. Whip that polyp.

I've got polyps. I can't sing very high. But I'm not asked to. However much I need of people. No. I can't hit the high notes in that golden K-pop do not the song. But we'll not leave my head.

Before we chip off, Luke, should we do some batteries? Well, we haven't actually got any batteries, Peter, this week because all the ones that were sent in were such low-hanging fruit. So obviously not new players. I didn't want to burden you with them. And so we are battery-free this week.

The battery robot is very sad. And hungry, presumably. And hungry. Battery robot, would you like to do an emotional appeal to our listenership to get their act together? Yes, I would. Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want me to say goodbye? Well, if that's not the case, you need to send in your batteries.

Hello at Lukeandpeachio.com That's... Peter, could you tell them the email address a bit clearer, please? Yes, I can, robot, sexy robot. It's hello at luke and peatio.com. Sorry, I haven't finished interview in the battery robot yet. Oh, sorry.

What are you going to have for your dinner tonight, battery robot? Oil. Bye-bye, everyone. You have some bread to dip in. Some balsamic vinegar. A little bit of bread. A little bit of oil. See you.

See ya. The Luke and Pete Show is a stack production and part of the ACAST Creator Network.