The Luke and Pete Show - Ball crushing stilettos

Episode Date: July 4, 2024

Luke teaches hungover Pete how to impress people with his ability to convert celsius to fahrenheit. Meanwhile, Donny worries about the taxman and Luke suggests some solutions - but all of them involve a time machine. Not very helpful...Plus, Pete finds his Only Fans angle.Want to get in touch with the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram.***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Luke and Pete show on a Thursday. It's me Pete Donaldson joined by Mr. Lukey Moore. Hello. How the devil are you sir? Pretty good thank you, not too bad. Still in trouble? Trying to, trying to. What have you felt about the increase in temperature now we're in the full heat of summer?

Well, it went from zero to 100, didn't it, really? Pretty quick. Fahrenheit. Pretty quick. It's crazy. It wasn't zero Fahrenheit, Pete. No. It was absolutely clear.

No. But isn't it something weird? Like zero Fahrenheit is fine. No, very cold. What's zero Fahrenheit? Very cold. Right. Zero Celsius is 32 Fahrenheit.

Yeah, okay. Right, okay. That's how you remember Very cold. Right. Zero Celsius is 32 Fahrenheit. Yeah, okay. Right, okay. That's how you remember. So if you want to impress people, I don't know the type of people you're hanging around with, Peter, but let me give you a little bit of advice for free. If you want to impress people

with the old Celsius to Fahrenheit conversion trick or vice versa, you need to remember three things. Right. You can do the maths, but the maths gets tricky. Forget the maths. The three things you need to remember.

Zero is 32 in Fahrenheit. Yeah. And the two other key numbers, 16, you just flip, 61. 28, flip, 82. So as long as they're 28 or... No, just adjust accordingly. Right. So you just go up two and a bit for each Celsius one for Fahrenheit.

So for example, if it's 22 outside, I know that 16 is 61, right? So what's 22? Six above 16. Right. It's probably about 13 or 14 more than 61. Right.

73, 74. Right, nice. Okay. And people think you're a legend. Test me on kilometres to miles. Give me the speed limit that you're driving at and I'll give you the kilometres.

Okay, I'm going to do it on the computer though. Yeah, okay. Alright. Well, I mean, a safe distance to what the limit would be. You just times it by 1.6

though, presumably. Who's doing that in their head? Me, because I'm a genius. Okay, so I'm going to enter a value of miles per hour into my computer. Yeah, I mean, make it like round numbers.

Okay. I can't do it. I can't, like, I'm going to do the tens. I'm going to do ten increments. All right, then. 30 miles an hour. 30 miles an hour.

48. Good, that's spot on. Thank you. Okay, what about 60 miles an hour? 60. 90? No. About 90?

85? 96. 96. 96. And if you're going 110 miles per hour... I'm safe, though. 110. 70 miles per hour.

No, 110 miles per hour. Oh, two kilometres? Yeah. Why shouldn't we go on that distance? I don't know. You just asked me to give you a round number.

All right, 170 then. 177. 177. Not bad. Is that because you've got a total century that's got kilometres and you've got another car

that does that? Yeah. So basically in order to do that quite let's be fair quite mid

bit of trivia quite average bit of trivia you need to own two cars. Yeah. Well I only own one now

because I sold it. You sold the Jag? I sold the Jag to a man with a big big Viking beard. How much did you sell it for?

Viking beard. Oh, I've lost a lot of money on that car. He got a bargain, did he? Yeah, he did, actually. If he's a bit like a Viking, it's a good job we didn't pillage it from you. He did. His partner was an Eastern European lady, and she was very concerned about how long it was.

It was too long. I can't drive this car. And I was going, you're not pulling out now. Wow, how did you say it? I've taken it off AutoTrader. AutoTrader, was it? It's a bit of AutoTrader, a bit of Facebook Marketplace.

How much did you buy it for? I'm not going to get into it. I'm not going to get into it. Let's do the conversion. We're doing conversions today. We're doing profit loss conversions. Yeah, it converts this fact into my partner shouting at me.

Yeah. I reckon, let me, okay. Which last, like I came in the room like a few, like last week before showing away and I had to have an argument about whether I was having a nice time in life

because I'd say I was not having a nice time on the Luke and Pete show. Don't, I mean, just. Comes back to bite you, doesn't it? Well, what, the things I've said. Yeah. Yeah.

Let me just do a guess and by your reaction the listeners will know whether I'm right or Yeah. Yeah. Let me just do a guess, and by your reaction, the listeners will know whether I'm right or not. Right. So I reckon you probably paid about nine grand for it. More. 11 grand. That is closer to what it was.

Okay, so 11. And I reckon you sold it for... In the depressed second-hand car market. Six. Five. Four and a half. No,hand car market. Six. Five. Four and a half. No, no, higher than five, yeah. Five and a half grand.

So what you've managed to do there... I've managed to spin pure loss. You've taken a 50% hit in how many years? Oh, but I put a new belt on it. Yeah. I've spent a lot of money getting a bit of welding done. It's in tip-top condition. I wouldn't drive anything less.

I wouldn't drive my family around in anything less, to be quite frank. Well, you are. You're driving around in a Tata Century. Oh, yeah, it's a real shame. Not going to fall for that again. I will fall for that again. Sarah doesn't even want to be in the Century, does she?

She doesn't know. She got used to it now. Because you put her feet up. Cigarette smell's gone. Okay. Yeah, it's not ideal. My life, that's why I'm skint.

That's why I'm constantly worrying about tax bills. Have you still got your Chinese moped? I've still got my Chinese, well, I've got a MOT there. I didn't realise I had a MOT in a moped.

Yeah. What? I can't tax it until I've MOT'd it. Why aren't you paying your tax bill ahead of... Why aren't you just putting that money aside ahead of time? It's just all gone, Luke.

It's gone. I look at my bank account. It's gone. Where did it go? I don't know. But can't you just have a separate savings account that you put the tax money in? Yeah, but if it's not there...

Admittedly, you should have done this first. You can't go back, but I'm saying like generally speaking why did you not think to why did you not think to do that I think like it doesn't matter where it is it's not there

so what are you going to do cry I guess have a little cry like start an online sex account I think

for the people that's not going to make any money no is it I can't only find your way out of this mate I could do that Mr. The Man who's well he falls out

all the time. That's already been done though. The Pants Man. He's already got that market sewn up, ironically. With some very breakable bonds. What would be your OnlyFans angle?

Well, I mean, I guess with... The only... I'll tell you the answer. I do own a lot of masks. I own a lot of balaclavas. Maybe I could do something with that. The only answer...

Dogs. Everyone loves dogs. Oh, stop it. I wouldn't be touching them. I'd just be in this frame. I think OnlyFans and dogs should not be in the same sentence. I think the only angle you've got

is to be one of those blokes who gets his balls trodden on by those stiletto women. Right. Is that good for people to watch or is that just good for the people whose stilettos, you know, balls are getting trodden.

I imagine there's a king cat there for everyone, isn't there? Yeah, I guess so. You could probably corner a very niche part of the market and if you charge a lot of money, you're going to get a low customer base but a high yield.

Well, because the pants man, it's not about... Remind people what the pants man is again. I think he's on Twitter, this pants man or something. But anyway, he basically walks around and his trousers will suddenly fall down and his willy will come out.

Sometimes he will ejaculate at this point as well, which is spectacular. Great logistics. Great logistics. Sometimes he'll do like a stop motion animation of his pants falling open and his willy flobbing out. This is what human beings have decided the internet is for. Yeah, exactly.

But it's not about... What do you think Tim Berners-Lee thinks when he sees that? If Tim Berners-Lee's gone over his morning coffee reading the papers and he's having a little surf on the internet thinking, I fucking invented this, and he sees that, is he proud or is he disappointed? Well, at least he's doing something different, something new. You know, it certainly piqued my interest, so to speak.

He's doing something interesting, but it's not abouted my interest so to speak like he he's doing something interesting but it's not about him flashing or his willy being seen it's it's the sudden embarrassment and he's just he's just realized his pants have fallen down and he's mortified and i think that you know the the kind of like the anxious uh embarrassment is something that i feel myself all the time so maybe i could be one of those kind of like, you know, people just absolutely just have a bad time with life. You know what I mean? Like just completely embarrassed all the time.

I'm embarrassed all the time. So with anyone with that kink, enjoy me. Is that because you haven't done the extra work? Enjoy me because I'm just constantly embarrassed about what I've done. But like what kind of things would you do? Like, for example, selling a secondhand car, lose a lot of money on it. Exactly.

Like a financial dominatrix kind of stuff. Is that a sexual thing or is it just a general everyday thing? Well, I've been financially dominated, haven't I? So if you're into that kink... Only by your own decisions. Only by your own...

Like, only my need for very little parking being available in my street. Yeah. I've been financially dominated there, yeah. So you think the only fan's angle for you is being financially dominated? Yeah, just my bank account

just post screenshots of my bank account that's gone out or CCTV footage of you begging the tax man you need to leave your life

yeah exactly yeah ringing it how much would you charge a month for that I don't know a decent whack ask the tax man ask the tax man

yeah what are you going to do around what are you going to do when HMRC come knocking then what's something I did last time? What was that?

Pay it late. Pay it late and stuff. I tell you what, last time, I didn't pay, I eventually paid it, but I just didn't have enough money to pay the whole lump. But about, like, they literally said,

right, you know, this amount of money is due. And it was only like a couple of grand in the end but they sent it straight to a collection agency. So we're missing out on tax there because they're not going to get all of the tax. They're buying that debt for pennies on the pound.

So that doesn't even make me feel good that I paid the tax. I don't think it's enforceable without a court order either. I think the government could probably... I think they need a court order either. So you could just refuse to pay that. I think the government could probably. I think they need a court order legally. And it's also illegal for debt collectors to pose as officers of the court when they're not. Right, okay.

The parameters they've got to operate in debt collectors is very, very narrow. Quite limited, yeah. People just get frightened. Right. That's why you can't respect it as an industry, because it's basically just about frightening old people and stupid people. So yeah, I think really you should avoid that at all costs because you are an owner of our business and so we need to start getting those things in order

a little bit more coherently. Me and you are both part of the HP Smart Plus ecosystem now. We've both got printers. We needed to scan something recently to sign something and we both signed up for the same HP Smart Scan ecosystem. I'm resentful at being tired with the same brush

as you on this because you made a load of errors and I made one and all of a sudden everyone thinks I'm the same as you. No, I think it's very sweet

that we're both part of the HP Smart Scan registration package and we're just, you know, we've both got printers that infuriate us and we were trying

to scan something with our printers and we had to sign up to an HP Smart Scan ecosystem. Why did they make you do that? Because they want to harvest your details? Honestly our printers and we had to sign up to an HP smart scan ecosystem why did they make you do that because they want to harvest your details

honestly even for me who would sign up for anything I was a bit like that is a piss take well will you sign up for anything yeah why

just put a fake email address or put a spam email I've got loads of spam email addresses you can use that's a weird show off why what are you boasting

about that for well because then you don't have to use your main one what are some of them well if I say it people will email Well, because then you don't have to use your main one. What are some of them? Well, if I say it, people will email me, won't they?

You're still doing farts at farts.com? Yes, farts at farts.com. I've got farts at farts.com. How many times have you done farts at farts? It's like when you sign up for something

and you need a postcode in America, or a zip code. It's 90210, baby. A little tribute. Yeah. A little tribute, isn't it? To the Californians the my wife does

butts at butts.com and I always do farts at farts.com yes that's a nice little you could do that of HP smart they need to verify it

right okay why why do they need why does Hewlett Packard need to confirm our email address for us to scan something it's the moving

of the goalpost I can't stand I bought a printer from you it probably cost me 200 quid. It also scans. As far as I was concerned, that transaction's over. I should be able to use that scanner because I've paid for it.

Don't be giving me this fucking software stuff. I don't want the software bit. I just want to scan it. I need to scan. It was remarkable, actually, because it was proper dystopian stuff because I needed to scan a piece of paper. So I put it face down on the top of the scanner, put the thing down.

Hit the scan button. MacBook. Error. Right. Please go here to resolve this error. Right. Hit the error. It's a fucking sign up.

Sign up for HP smart scan. Yeah. To be fair to HP smart, once I got underway, it was good. It's a great ecosystem. It actually worked. It did work.

It did work pretty quickly. It did do the bare minimum that we expect of a scanner. Yeah. So maybe one of your OnlyFans kinks could not just be financial domination, but also printer domination. Yeah, just a man updating his drivers.

Yeah. Oh, now you're talking. GPU, BIOS, like, yeah, just motherboard drivers. Yeah. Nobody ever bothers with them. GPU drivers, graphics card drivers, and you just Windows updates. Oh, you've got to update Windows

if you've got a Windows PC because there's a Wi-Fi hack that can be had. People have to be close to you to use your Wi-Fi, but they can get in and run code. So you could just do a wide shot of you and over the shoulder shot

of you updating the drivers. Exactly, yeah. And under the desk shot, you finish with the pants pulled out. Yeah the drivers and under the desk shot you finish the pants pull out yeah exactly just as the what's that thing

that sort of ticks along to 100% the progress bar yeah and then my progress bar pops up as you want to get

to 100 what a progress bar it is let's have a break when we come back I've got a meme I want to talk to Pete about

and I've got a load of batteries we've got to get through as well lovely I've got a meme I want to talk to Pete about and I've got a load of batteries we've got to get through as well. Lovely. See you in a minute. All right, we're back with the Lincoln Pete show. Lukey, you wanted to talk to me about something very serious. No, it's not serious.

Have you seen the Hawk Tour meme? Yeah, she has cut through harder than every other person on the internet this week. I don't know why. In a way that I didn't think it was possible to cut through memes now. Because those videos where people just

interviewed in the street about you know fucking body count all that just the worst usually men just the worst people doing shit like that

but she for some reasons really cut through I feel really sorry for her I think she probably ticked I think she got fired didn't she that's what I mean

from her job yeah she'll be fine no but I just don't think I just think't she? That's what I mean. From her job. Yeah. She'll be fine. No, but I just don't think, I just think the sad thing about it is, I mean, you could argue that she, you know,

she, you could argue that she, she shouldn't have put herself in that position, right? Right. But at the same time, if she's out on the town with her friends having a drink,

there's no consent form there. No. She's probably drunk. Yeah. And the guy knows what he's doing. Yeah. And you haven't seen it, you have to look it up. And that's going to follow her form there. No. She's probably drunk. Yeah. And the guy knows what he's doing. Yeah. And you haven't seen it, you have to look it up.

And that's going to follow her forever now. Yeah. I think it's quite high stakes for quite a small contribution. Yeah. And especially because you don't make any money out of it, I suppose, at the start. But she'll probably make some money out of it.

All the meme accounts are selling T-shirts of it and shit. Right. She ain't going to see any of that shit. No, no. So actually, yeah. I think she was signing hats. all the meme accounts are selling t-shirts a bit of shit she ain't gonna see any of that no no so actually yeah I think she was signing hats hock tour

24 hats she's about three months away from going to the Trump campaign yeah yeah pretty much

yeah it does strike me as it's a bit like life's become quite bit of a carnival hasn't it you come into town you fuck off

you sell some hats and then you fuck off and you know live the rest of your life somewhere else yeah do you um you see that um holly valent stuff as well uh she's married to tori doner isn't she she's married to a guy called nick candy he's a billionaire property investor yeah and uh she's very very right. So she's like almost now like a poster girl for Trump in the US.

Right. And she's a big reform person here. So she's pals with Nigel Farage. And for those of you who don't know who she is, she was an actor,

weirdly, this is the timeline we're on now. She's an actor in Neighbours. Yeah. In like the 2000s or something. And she was a model as well.

Right. And now she's become this poster girl for right wing politics. She was a singer for a bit, yeah. But she hasn't had a hit for ages. Right. And now she's become this, like I say, this poster girl for writing politics. She was a singer for a bit, yeah, but she hasn't had a hit for ages. Kiss, kiss. It's a good tune,

but that's 20 years ago. But one of the things I found really interesting about it... All about the riff, though, wasn't it? All about that kind of Bollywood riff, wasn't it? It was like... Banga riff.

Yeah, it was a good pop song. The video was very saucy, I remember, as well. Oh, saucy. Very saucy. Very saucy. Very saucy. Anyway, what I find interesting about this is that, obviously, there's always a reaction to this.

So she's come out with all these weird right-wing talking points, giving a few talking head interviews, talking about reform, and just the stuff that people on the internet get pissed off about because it's right-wing, right? But the interesting backlash to it, I find, is that she is, as far as I'm concerned as far as I'm aware I think she's a British citizen

right so she's able to vote it's a democracy she's allowed to have her opinion right I don't think I agree that she shouldn't be able to

say what she thinks just because she's got a platform and I find that weird I find it weird that people say oh that actor or that footballer or whatever

shouldn't pipe up about politics yeah yeah it's weird though that's weird yeah yeah it's weird because everyone gets a vote and just because oh, that actor or that footballer or whatever shouldn't pipe up about politics. Yeah, yeah, Stan Ullens. It's weird, though. That's weird. Yeah, it is weird. Because everyone gets a vote. And just because you've got a bigger,

just because that person's got a bigger platform than you down at the pub with your fucking boring mates, it's the same thing. It's just a bigger size of thing. So while I think that what she's talking about is absolute fucking nonsense, I feel like we should really at least stick up for democracy

and say that she should be allowed to say it. Has anybody really been complaining that she can't say it? Is it just the Australian thing? It's been partly that. It's been partly, you know, she's married to someone wealthy, so she doesn't know shit. Yeah.

And it's been part of it, basically. But that's our right to say that back. It is, it is. But it's been thinly veiled that she shouldn't have a right to say it. Right, okay. Which I think is wrong. And I think to go have a pot back is fine.

Let Valance talk. But if people said that about us, we wouldn't do this. They wouldn't dare. But if we came out and said, on the show, for example, it's the fucking election this week. In fact, it's the election today

as we record this. We think you should vote Labour. We should be allowed to say that if we wanted. Yeah. People should be able to say, who do you think you are? You're just podcasters.

I think we're, well, I mean, we're not bound by, I think we might still have to be bound by Ofcom, you know? I think we... Nah, it's not a news programme, is it?

No, no, but Ofcom, even outside news programmes, like, Ofcom still covers stuff, I think. So I think there's certain parts of Ofcom that, I'm fairly certain, last time I had a chat

with a lawyer, that we are bound by certain broadcasting standards. But they're, Ofcom aren't much of a lawyer, that we are bound by certain broadcasting standards. But they're off-comic much of a rigolette, right? No, exactly. What are they going to do? Send us on an education course? Is that what they're doing?

Yeah, but I would say that I very... Did you see, there was that newsreader who, off the back of four eyes, yammering on about some shit. He was just being an idiot and he was just doing weird stuff. And she came off the back of Farage, yammering on about some shit. He was just being an idiot and he was just doing weird stuff. And she came off the back of it and she said, you know,

the incendiary comments of Nigel Farage. And I kind of went, I was like, well, at that point, he wasn't standing for election. She had to apologise for that. Say again? She had to apologise for that. Yeah, she had to apologise immediately.

I was kind of like, back and forth, I was a bit like, yeah, it is the news though, isn't it? And there's some levels you can't really kind of go into as a newsreader. But I agree with that. But I think also the media's got a real problem, generally speaking, with language anyway.

So something that comes up quite a lot, and I see there's one or two social media accounts that do a really good job correcting it and illustratively illustrate what should be saying. So for example, it'll be, say a New York Times headline or whatever

and it will say, you know, Trump, for example, this is just an example that comes to mind, Trump rally, you know,

punctuated by racially motivated language or whatever. When actually what it should be saying is Trump said something racist. Yeah, yeah, yeah is Trump said something racist. Trump is being racist. The problem is... It's like the

Israel-Palestine situation, like how they described the two sides there. In what, sorry? The Israel, like the region of Gaza. The way they talk about the two sides there

is completely skewed. The way they talk about the body counts and stuff like that. Body count, you know, terrorist versus, you know, liberator counts and stuff like that. Body count, you know, terrorist versus, you know,

liberator. They don't use liberator, but you know what I mean? The language there is completely skewed. I don't think people have a good handle on how to use the right language

in the appropriate moment. I don't know why that is the case. They sort of panic, but I think they sort of panic and it's almost unique to Israel-Palestine, weirdly. I don't know. They do shit their pants

every possible way. People are frightened. People are frightened. News editors, sub-editors, copy editors, they're all human beings, right? So they're frightened about making a mistake. But I think the racist one is much more cut and dried. The racist one is like, you know,

don't soften the language into a passive tone because someone says something racist. Say it's racist. It's racist, yeah. Because the problem is they don't want to be seen to be accusing someone of being racist because that could cause a court case, very expensive,

all the rest of it. So they soften it and I just think that's really unhealthy. People get away with it, don't they? Oh, massively, yeah. Anyway, let's change trades. Before we do batteries, we'll do batteries last,

but before we do that, I just want to do an email from our friend Dan, if that's okay with you, Peter. Yes. He says, Hi, chaps. On the topic of being struck by missiles,

remember last week with Peter, we talked about being hit, I got hit by a bottle of piss at V Festival. Do you remember that? Yes, yes, yes. Let me look at it. It could have been. It wasn't.

Dan said, I wanted to share with you something that happened to me in the summer of 2009. What were you doing in the summer of 2009, Peter? Oh, probably celebrating my 28th birthday. Wow. Imagine what that was like. Wow. It's probably weird.

I'll tell you who was there. I probably wasn't invited. You were invited. Alex Zane would have been there. The base proud of pigeon detectors would have been there. Mark Haynes would have been there. And a couple of video game people. Yeah.

Probably about right. Dan says, me and some friends headed to Why Not Festival in Derbyshire and my friends overloaded Rover 25 for a weekend of drinking and failing to convince girls to talk to us. As you might expect from a British music festival, the weather was absolutely fucking shit. And after a few hours, the whole campsite looked like a scene from Saving Private Ryan.

The rain and mud was the least of my concerns, though, because on the Saturday night, while waiting for Noah and the whale to take the stage... Oh, no, it gets even worse. Yeah. least of my concerns though because on the Saturday night while waiting for Noah and the Whale to take the stage. Oh no, it gets even worse. Yeah. Even the most ardent Noah and the Whale fan

would sort of say, yeah, I agree with that one to be honest. He said, I felt a heavy clunk on my head. Before I tell you

more of this story, I would just say that I know someone who knows the guy from, one of the guys from Noah and the Whale really well. Right.

And do you remember, obviously their song Five Years Time was the massive hit, right? They also had a follow-up hit called Life Goes On. Right. And it goes, L-I-F-E-G-O-E-S. Oh, I remember that one. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. You go hard and you're going your own way.

Anyway, I think I'm right in saying on the way back from the meeting with the label where they signed all the forms to say they'd broken up as an entity right uh and all this other shit happened i think they i think i'm right saying they got a um a one that says seven figure offer to use that song in a massive advert in the u.s and i think it some weird vagaries of the legal process or whatever came down to one person had to say, and they said no. And the guy who was there, who my friend knows very much,

did not say no. I was like, what are we going to fucking do? We've got a fucking band. Brilliant. What's the point? Brilliant. Yeah, so they lost out on a lot of money for that. But anyway, Dan picks up the story, says,

I wasn't sure what it was. It was, of course, getting a clunk in the head. But after clutching my head for a bit, I noticed an unopened can of strongbow at my feet I had been struck by a full can of one of the nation's

favourite ciders brackets original not dark fruits as it was raining we'd spent the last few days drenched I didn't notice the blood trickling from my head

and down my face until my friend pointed it out I was dragged out through the crowd and plonked down the chair while the St John's ambulance crew assessed me I was then bundled

into the back of an ambulance and taken to hospital to have my head glued back together before being dropped off a few, back off into the festival a few hours later. I missed Nora and the whale, and probably because I was mildly concussed, could not find my tent. So I spent a miserable night shivering on the floor of a tent belonging to someone from my school

that I happened to bump into before calling my parents to come and pick me up earlier the next day. My luck at music festivals has not improved since then. Having finally overcome the trauma of Strongbowgate, I went to Benicassim

in Valencia in 2017. What were you doing in 2017, Peter? Summer? I might have been at Noz Alive, a Portuguese festival. There we go.

Only to be, Dan says he was struck down by a particularly violent bout of food poisoning. Oh dear. I needed an injection to stop the vomiting and spent most of the weekend, sorry for myself,

in a boiling hot tent. If I ever went to Glastonbury, I would probably die. Thanks for all the laughs, Dan. That is grim. A different take on the festival season. Exactly, yeah. I think,

just imagine being in like, not being able to find your tent and then just sort of broaching the subject with a school friend you've not seen in years. Can I sleep on the floor of your tent? I mean, tents are quite small. Can I sleep on the floor of your tent? Where I'll be sleeping.

Can I sleep with you? Can I sleep with you? Yeah. In Glastonbury 98, my tent was literally, quite literally swept away. Right. Oh, one of those.

There was no tent to find. I remember looking at a muddy puddle of two of my t-shirts right and the tent was gone did you not bother picking them up

nah what am I going to do with them they're fucking soaked they're covered in mud you're soaked you're covered in mud no but I it wasn't raining at that point

oh right okay and I was just like there's no fucking point that's a shame that's lost to us fucking Tom do you know what in like

a thousand years they might dig up that T-shirt. Go. Fucking hell, what happened here? Like that Viking boo. Some loser. Right, hello to... Would you cancel Glastonbury?

Yeah, I would. You'd just get rid of the whole thing? I just think it's the way that they... Is it a joke that's gone too far? It's a joke that's gone too far. It doesn't represent what it used to represent, and the... That's quite a severe solution to the issue.

Access. Brexit means Brexit. I think the... Princess Anne got a severe solution to the issue. Access. Brexit means Brexit. I think the... Princess Anne got kicked in the head by a horse. Yeah, I was kicked in the head by a horse. I was kicked in the head by a horse. Should we do some battery burns before we get over here? Yeah, yeah.

You're doing the batteries this week, Luke, because I... Tell people why. Because I had an old running order. And we've got... The vagaries of... Hangover, yes. And the vagaries of Google Drive

means that I've got about 15 different Luke and Pete show running orders. And some of them are inaccurate, old, and partially offensive. So I'm doing all the work. You're doing all the work. Greetings, boys, from the island of Crete, where I'm currently on my honeymoon

with a lovely wife I have access to. I'm reacting. It's what she would want. I'm not reading them out, but I'm going to react like you wouldn't believe. I've got so much to talk about him going to Crete. Rhymes with Pete. Yeah, it's very good.

Pete Shaw. He's on his honeymoon. This is what he's doing. Yeah. That's what I like about it. That's up there with the Christmas Day emails from me. Yeah, definitely. He says,

can I interest you in this Master Energy Alkaline AAA, which I found on the remote for my air con in the room? You can. Always happy hunting grounds, the old air con, isn't it? We were offered a late checkout for 30 euros while we awaited our transfer back to the airport. I can. Always happy hunting grounds the old aircon, isn't it? We were offered a late checkout for 30 euros while we awaited our transfer

back to the airport. I thought that was a rip-off and I would just hang around the pool all day for free instead. That was until I was told we'd be moved to a new room for the late checkout at which point my eyes lit up

at the prospect of finding another potential new player. What a honeymoon this is. Worth 30 noughts. Safe to say the current wife thinks this is all a pathetic waste of time but here we are in the new room.

I've lost 30 euros and my wife has lost all respect for me. So please, for the sake of my still fresh marriage, please let me know if Media Range Premium Alkaline AAA is a new player.

All the best, Billy. Media Range. Yeah, so he's basically got Master Energy and Media Range Premium Alkaline. So Master Energy is a new player. Oh.

Woo! Doing a celebration, you're not even reading them. I wouldn't have even thought that. So Honeymoon has not been a total waste of time. And Media Range Premium Alkaline, take me a bit longer because I'm doing all the work myself today,

is not a new player. Second person to send those in, Billy, behind our friend Paul, who sent his one in on Valentine's Day. In sickness and in health, in batteries and in aircon. Continuing the romantic theme. So there's one new player from Billy.

Fergus has been in touch. He says, hi guys, I hope you have my second new player with these Ken stars. Ken stars. Nice. He says, I found them in a mini fan my wife bought. It is the season of mini fans isn't it at the moment

it is a bit and I am also delighted to say that Fergus these are also new players yes congratulations to you ooh can you believe that Pete

two new players in a row I'm distracted I found a Barocca in my back pocket that should have why haven't you taken it I know should have drank that

maybe I'll munch on it as we play us out put it on your tongue see if it fizzes up and Fergus is emailing us from the town of Kirkintilloch in Scotland Why haven't you taken it? I know. Should have drank that. Maybe I'll munch on it as we play us out. Put it on your tongue, see if it fizzes up. And Fergus is emailing us from the town of Kirkintilloch in Scotland. That sounds lovely. That already sounds lovely.

Sounds great, doesn't it? I don't know if it is or not, but it sounds nice. So that's two new players so far. The final one is from Joe, who says, hello from Berlin. Hello. A lot of listeners in Berlin, it feels like. That's good stuff. He says, I know this is

probably taboo to post so many batteries in one go, but since the struggle to find new players is

real, these are more interesting ones I found when clearing up the storage of a tech company that I work

for. The thing is, I'm not going to read all of them because I think you should just take the top one.

So the top one. Actually, no, give us the third one. Third one, okay. MGZ

Minion Battery Premium Quality AA. I think this is a good choice from me, to be honest. I think I've done him a solid here. I mean, it's very difficult to imagine there being another one of those, isn't it? That is indeed a new player.

So well done to you, Joe. And well done to me. Three listeners, three submissions, three new players. We're back on the horse. Is it a coincidence on the week that Pete Donaldson refuses to do any work that we get three new players

I'll leave that up to you hello at LukeandPeteShow.com if you'd like to get your battery brands in we've been the Luke and Pete Show

I've been the hungover Pete and the very professional Luke Moore is with me boring with computer boring got a one year old son

get yourself a Barocca can't muck around get yourself a do you want a half this Barocca get yourself a wet see you soon. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack production and part of the ACAST Creator Network.