The Luke and Pete Show - Belated Birthday Bobbleheads

Episode Date: May 10, 2021

On today’s show, Pete’s back for some belated birthday celebrations after spending a night in the zoo and Luke’s ready to throw a live party, before the boys discuss breaking news about the world’s longest duck. We’ve also got time for takeaway scams, gibbon upgrades and a listener emails in to answer our ever-important questions on the location of dinosaur breasts. Standard stuff. Do you have any news on recent birthday celebrations in the zoo? Or surprisingly long animals? You know what to do - drop us an email over at [e-mail] or give us a message on Twitter/Instagram at @lukeandpeteshow. We LOVE hearing from you!If you're enjoying the show, drop us a review over on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. 5 stars will do very nicely. Cheers!See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Pete, do you remember what the follow-up single to Dr. Alband's It's My Life was? It was my life? Like a farewell, kind of, now the end is near? It's called Let The Beat Go On. Oh, nice. And it goes like this. Let the beat go on, on and on, here it's strong. And then Dr. Alband comes in and goes, let the beat go on. It's the Luke and Pete show.

Welcome. It is Monday. Let's have a look here. What day is it? 10th. 10th. 10th of May. Welcome back after Jim Campbell's cameo.

Yes. Very popular. Sickeningly popular. Annoyingly popular. He told a brilliant story about the model Fabio. He was a curious chap back in the day, wasn't he? I imagine he's not going to have got less curious now, is he? As men get older, they get more curious, don't they?

They certainly do. And their tastes as well. He kind of inhabits the same part of the world in my brain as Yuri Geller for some reason. There's these kind of like ephemeral kind of... Geller would be after that. Not physically, but just weird men

that have eked out a living somehow. I mean, he's a good looking bloke, tall, muscular. What, Uri Geller? In the 90s. And in the 90s and the 80s, obviously, he was a cut above everyone else.

But it's just interesting that he managed to carve out a career just by being a handsy man. What do you think Uri Geller's doing right now? Probably just making some money out of lies. It's really hard to imagine Uri Geller sat there with the TV guy on his lap just flicking through,

having a day off, treating himself to a day off. I find with really intense people, intense public figures... They never stop. It's really hard to imagine them doing something normal. Yeah. I can remember being

absolutely fuming fuming about 15 years ago when I saw I don't know what I don't know why I might have been in the waiting room

at a doctor's surgery or something but I saw a a celebrity magazine and it had a picture of David Bowie going to get a pint of milk yes okay it just pissed me off

I don't want to see him do that. But I mean, Uri Geller, you could probably, I mean, he's probably on an oligarch's yacht. What I don't like is if people listen to this show and don't know who Uri Geller is, they're going to think

he was a cross between Fabio and David Bowie and that's not true. He's a cross between Richard Simmons for our American audience and... A bit of Richard Lewis in there as well. One of the kind of Donald Trumpian kind of like, with a cabinet kind of like...

A shyster. A shyster. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A shyster. Yeah. What's a huckster versus a shyster? I don't really know. A grifter.

Yeah, a grifter. A grifter. That's probably a less offensive way. So there's probably some kind of connotation with saying what I said. Well, that's the thing. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it.

But that's the problem with anti-Semitic, and I presume that's the sphere you were kind of referring to, anti-Semitic kind of words, like things like shonky. That had anti-Semitic connotations. I moved down to London, I never heard that.

To be honest, I didn't see a lot of anti-Semitism up north, but down south, seems to be everyone's at it. But yeah, down south, I really like the word shonky but apparently

back in the day that was I'd never heard that word until you said it shonky really for like dodgy or

yeah kind of like knock off sort of thing you can see why that would be I would just say dodgy probably

speaking of knock offs before we get into the meat of this show and for those who are listening for the first time and are new

converts to this show don't worry this kind of stuff does maintain throughout I know you're probably thinking we can't do it I know you joined Jim last week but we're not into the meat of the show yet and before we get into the meat of the show I want our listeners to know

that part of the reason you were away last week is because you had a birthday a big birthday big boy don't want to talk about it unless you wanted to. I'm a big boy. I'm a 40-year-old boy. Yeah, you're a 40-year-old boy.

I've got a little moustache and a ponytail. And myself and John, who isn't represented on this show, but he's a friend of ours and a colleague of ours and a co-business owner of ours, we put our heads together and thought we'd get you a present for your birthday. Okay. And I've brought a couple of presents in.

There's going to be one being delivered to your house, which you can report back to us in future Luke and Peach episode. So look out for that. This is doing my nothing because you know what I'm like

whenever I get given a present I get really angry. That's why I'm doing it on the show because you're going to be pissed off and I think that's a really important

part of the Luke and Peach show. Because I'm fairly certain I can't remember getting you anything. I got you something Christmas. Don't worry about it.

You've got me a lovely wagging steak. I'm terrible at knowing when people's birthdays are, and I only find it on Facebook, and then it's too fucking late, innit? I'm not on Facebook. Well, there you go. Put your Britishness away.

Put your awkwardness away. Right. And take these presents and open them live on Luke and Pete's show right now. Right. I'm on a diet, so I can't eat whatever this is. Nothing's edible.

Nothing's edible. I'll be the judge of that. Yeah, enjoy it. You're rapping, Peter. Nothing's edible. Nothing's edible. I'll be the judge of that. Yeah, enjoy it. Lovely wrapping paper. Explain to people what you're doing. Yeah, Mimi wrapped that. Me, well, fantastic rapper, producer. Oh, fantastic.

Yeah, just a brown paper, kind of leafy. Oh, fuck off, Luke. What is it? Describe what it is. It's a fucking little bobblehead, a bobble buddy of fucking Del Boy. Oh, and there's others. Cheers.

What else? Who else? Oh, is that Rodney? It's Rodney, you plonker. That is amazing that they've made those. I mean, look. I'll tell you what it is. It's lovely jubbly.

That's what it is. Are these shunky? Ask me no questions, I'll tell you why. Official merch, mate. You know what? They're beautifully done. They're clearly not mass produced, because who the fuck would?

That's cracking, that. But there's one more present for you. Uncle Albert, you can get a boy, see a trigger, or a granddad. Yeah, we went for the big three hitters, I think. For us, Uncle Albert is the era we kind of... And because it's on the show, tax deductible. What could be better than you

and the lady you have access to at home... Friday night, bottle of Prosecco in the chiller. Tia Maria and Lucas Aid on the go, like Del Boy. What is it, Pete? It's a Monopoly Only Fools and Horses version. Yeah. And instead of like the dog

and the little kind of trinkets you use to go around the Monopoly board. The counters, yeah. The counters. You've got the little Trotters Independent trading company van.

You've got a cocktail because obviously Dale loves his cocktail and I mean I don't I've not watched enough of Vornipo's Get your box on

on a Friday night play your Monopoly Where are the places you can go? A touch of glass 400 Heroes and Villains Are they just

episode titles? I think so yeah That's an interesting could they not find enough places for the TV show? They should have just done London I think because it's set in London anyway they not find enough places they should have just done London I think

because it's set in London anyway The Reliant Regal Big Brother The Longest Night yeah just like Boyce's Car Lot you can buy that

well this is very sweet will you ever buy it thank you no no you won't it's going to sit in the corner it will

because you did it now it will survive the house move and that annoys me The Reliant Regal I'm just fascinated by how they sort of do these

it's a lovely bit of kit really from me and John and from everyone listening on the Luke and Pete show very happy birthday to you mate

thank you very much going into my 40s in the manner befitting a man who used to watch Charlie Fils-A-Horse on television you will

perhaps not get much enjoyment out of the presents, but we've all enjoyed seeing you open them and I think that's part of the reason that's a good thing. Thank you very much.

That's very kind. You're welcome. Thank you. No problem at all. And one thing I did want to bring to the table as well because it's something that you were quite excited about

was you noticed and found online the other day the world's biggest duck. And I'll be honest with you, I thought it was fake. But apparently it's not. And the reason I thought it was fake

is partly because it looks fucking ridiculous. It does look ridiculous. It is a metre tall mallard. It looks like a doorstop. It looks like a doorstop that's the size of a door. Made of plaster of Paris and painted. And it's also called Long Boy, B-O-I, which is exactly what you would name the world's tallest duck.

So do you reckon I could kind of get away with seeding fake stories to the logo picture? Oh, come on. If you just told me now that you've been doing that for years and I haven't done it, I wouldn't be hugely surprised. The long egg man was actually me in a beard. Yeah, a metre high duck is an amazing thing. And the thing, I mean, we'll share the photo of it

that I'm referring to on the social media. But if you look at the photo, Pete, have you got it in front of you? I have, yeah. Look at its feet. It looks like it's wearing like a pair of orange wellies. Weirdos, yeah. And it is next to, it looks like it's doing fishing, isn't it?

It looks like a human man. It's three foot five tall. Yeah. What do you think the other ducks think of it? Long boy. Look at that long boy. They're going, ooh, what's the weather like up there?

I'm a duck sitting down here. Oh, did your parents put you in a grove back when you were young? And Slim Jim, the US-based meat sausage procurers. Tell me about Slim Jim. US based meat sausage procurers tell me about Slim Jim I don't know who they are Macho Man Randy Savage

used to work they're like pepperamis but thinner and in my opinion greasier and tastier okay so it's like oh no I think I have seen they're really bright red

yeah Macho Man Randy Savage advertised them yeah me I mean okay they're on nodding terms with me I thought they were like

sweet no no no but they is no, no, no. But they... Is that how this duck got so big? Eating Slim Jim? It loves them. It's got one caught on its throat and it's like lengthened out.

Yeah. It's like when the African tribes people put the rings around their neck. Yeah. If you eat a Slim Jim, your neck goes really tall and you can't digest it. Yeah.

Slim Jim commented as the one true long boy on the Twitter page. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I didn't like Slim Jim commented as the one true long boy on the Twitter page. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I didn't know Slim Jim's regard they're the slimmest boy surely.

Yeah. Why are you getting involved? I didn't know Slim Jim's were known as long boys. Exactly. I would like to

see the long boy eating a Slim Jim. The thing I like about the long boy the duck. Big, big duck. How long is that going to live?

I like that he's still around now because far too often you talk about the long boy, the duck? It's a big, big duck. How long is that going to live? I like that he's still around now, because far too often you talk about the heaviest this, the tallest that, the biggest this. The chicken that lived a day without its head. No, it's 30 days without its head. The 30 days, right. And the worst thing about the chicken,

so the chicken had its head chopped off, but the person who did it did a bad job and did cut the brain stem. Yeah. But what they were doing, if you remember, was dropping corn down its neck hole yeah

so it stayed alive for like 30 days it didn't need its head you would finish it off wouldn't you but I've done something abhorrent here I think when we first

started talking about it I thought this was a fascinating story and like halfway through at the time I think I had that sinking feeling that this is a bit gross

and so but we just pressed on yeah but what I was going to say was a corn manufacturer tweeted in going I'm the original corn guzzler

yeah necky corn guzzler yeah if Pete chops his head off I'll definitely sponsor the show but the point I was going to make is that a lot of times with these biggest ever

like the tallest ever man Robert Wadlow yeah he died ages ago yeah the fact is Longboy can be seen at the University of York

whenever you want now. Yeah. And it's not going to be hard to find him, let's be honest. No, he's going to stick out like a big thumb, a long thumb. Yeah, so great stuff to have Longboy around. Official animal of the show. Official duck of the show, for sure. Probably official animal of the show.

Let him have it. Yeah, would you... The dogs you've got access to might be the two official animals of the show. Yeah, I guess so. But one of them doesn't really like ducks and one of them is a real bird agnostic, but not necessarily the biggest fan of...

Antagonist, you mean? Well, agnostic, he will be indifferent, but then he'll sort of go, that's because he believes in them. Doesn't matter. Anyway, either way, he's not happy. He believes that they could exist, but he's not to see the evidence for them.

Yeah, exactly. He sees something that looks like a bird, he'll try and attack it because he just doesn't matter anyway either way he's not happy he believes that they could exist but he's not seen the evidence yeah exactly he sees something that looks like a bird he'll try and attack it because he just doesn't understand did you see did they have a good time when you guys went away

had a cracking time dog friendly hotel probably yeah we stayed in Potlim Zoo for the night and so a mate

we both know had a bought his family I know this story it's a good one bought his family tickets to the zoo like a night in the zoo

Port Limbs Safari Park they do like a stay over kind of like little trip and he he's now got a dog

so he can't take it would just be a pain in the bum to administer I think taking families away is fraught with don't put you can take a dog to a zoo dog so he can't take it would just be a pain in the bum to to administer I think taking families away is fraught with don't put you can take a dog to a zoo anyway

no you can't because I think they can carry diseases and let's face it chase the capybaras around yeah that's how much fun they'd have yeah

and so he rang us and went do you you like zoos yeah this is the reputation I have Luke yeah

I have a reputation of being a mark when it comes to people selling stuff and loving zoos and being a child boy. I'm happy to make it absolutely clear now to you and to everyone listening

if you've got anything if there is tat that you've come into possession of that you want to get rid of I promise you now in many ways, ironically, because you hate Only Fools and Horses,

you are at the delbo of it. I'm not ashamed to say, our friend we're talking about there, he called me for advice about this. I said, call Pete. I said, call Pete. I promise you I told him to call you. Because I like,

I would have took it off him anyway. But the point being that you didn't realise you'd already had that lined up as a surprise for your birthday. Yeah. So now you're going to the same place. Same place. Not the same little house.

But yeah, I went, do you want to come away? June, whatever. Do you want to come away? He went, yeah, brilliant. I went, we're going to the zoo. He went, we're going to the zoo tomorrow because it's your birthday, you prick.

Do you know what I love about it? The people who run that zoo, they're going to think you're just really into it birthday you prick do you know what I love about it the people who run that zoo they're going to think you're just really into it he's back he's back straight away he can't get enough of it well luckily

one of our friends is a zookeeper there so we can have a drink with him well you were a zookeeper I was a zookeeper you can have a drink you'll have a drink with me in the zoo

well he informed me in a trough he informed me on my first all three of you around a trough just having a drink with a zookeeper on my first trip We'll three of you around a trough. Just having a drink with a zookeeper. On my first trip to the zoo this month, inexplicably,

I learned that the gibbons have been upgraded from the lesser ape to just... There's no lesser apes anymore because they were getting... What, offensive? They were getting shot... It's like shonky. The shonky ape.

Yeah. They were getting a bit of... They weren't getting quite so much love, the gibbon, because they're just not as interesting as the Rangitangs. They've been remarketed. They've been remarketed. No lesser apes.

What, worldwide? Worldwide, Ben. Not just in that zoo. No, exactly. We think they're elephants. Andy Cole, rebranding Andrew Cole. They've decided that they are no longer lesser apes and this is hopefully going to sort of increase

the interest that people have got on that particular part of the genus. For you, this is like when Kings of Leon went mainstream. You don't like it anymore, do you? No, I don't like it, no. You don't like it anymore. Hateful situation, I tell you.

So how close do you get to get to the animals when you're doing the overnight stay in the zoo? And for you, what is the optimal amount of times a year you want to stay there?

Well, there's no gibbon experience. I think you can sort of chuck some feed out for the paddocky animals, like the camels and stuff. But I just love watching animals. It's my favourite thing to do. And they've got a great Gibbon enclosure.

Should camels be in a paddock? Well, this place is the best zoo. You know, you can have opinions about zoos and stuff, but the space they've got is insane. Like, it's like acres and acres and acres. And compared to the zoo that I had access to. Not as big as Africa, though, is it? It's not.

But animals, John, generally, you know, I'm not in the pocket of a big zoo, although I was employed for 50 quid a day. 50 quid a day? Yeah, 50 quid a day. To make a CD-ROM. No, 50 quid a week. To make a CD-ROM.

50 quid a week to make a CD-ROM. That I didn't make. Back in the day. What quality of CD-ROM are you getting for 50 quid a week. To make a CD-ROM. 50 quid a week to make a CD-ROM, that I didn't make. Back in the day. What quality of CD-ROM are you getting for 50 quid a week, though? I know. Well, I didn't get it. Animals don't necessarily move on to new pastures until they've exhausted the food source.

If they exhaust the food source, that's why they keep moving. If they've got enough food and water, they don't move. So they don't necessarily need as much space as one might think as an animal. It's not great to see animals behind bars, behind cages. This sounds like you're telling me that you think zoos are too big, if anything. I think they should be smaller.

Yeah. Pack them in. There's nuance to this, isn't there? Because if the animals are endangered or they've been born in captivity or it's important for research and all the rest of it, I understand you can further the understanding and protect them.

Well, protect them as in they literally have, they literally would not have babies in captivity. They wouldn't have babies if they weren't in the zoo. You know, you have these breeding programs that go out and take the rhinos back to where they're supposed to be because, you know, successive governments where the rhinos are have not treated them very well.

They've let porches come in and nick their keratin-rich horns. Do you draw the line at travelling zoos? I just want to see a little bear with little spurs in his feet. Easier, isn't it? They come to you. Easier.

We're not endorsing. We're not endorsing any kind of cruelty. I would like to see the massive... Despite what some vegans email us in about. Oh, really? What? Because I think sometimes vegans email in saying, oh, we're talking

about steak again. Right, okay. I mean, we talked about the long duck. Yeah. That's pro-duck, isn't it? And also at the time of recording,

very much alive. Exactly. Which we endorse. Yeah. And I hope it has a very happy long life. A long boy life. So we've got a long neck.

Happy longy, longy, longy. Let's have a break, shall we? Yeah. Take us to a break, Pete Donaldson. You're better at it. We are in front of the bar

and we're about to fall through the bar into the second half of the show. Enjoy the adverts. Rodney, you a plonker. It is the Luke and Pete

Show, Pete Donaldson with you. I'm also joined by Luke Moore. If you want to get to the show, it's really easy. Hello,

LukeandPeteShow.com. Get your emails in. Yeah. How are we doing email wise? We're doing okay. All right. I mean, if you want to get to short it's really easy hello at lookingpeachshort.com get your emails in yeah how are we doing email wise we're doing good to you alright I mean over the next course of the couple of episodes

this week we're probably going to answer the dinosaur genitalia question finally thank you we're going to do some university advice for one of our listeners

we're going to do some more come down with me chat but I want to start with Mark who's tweeted in now this is great, this. And part of the reason I like it is because it's a great life hack, but also because I think it's something

you're really going to vibe with, Pete. And Mark tweeted us in the following. He said, and we're at Luke and Pete Shaw on Twitter and Instagram. He said, when I was working in a pub, we used to have a regular who would order a Chinese from the local takeaway for delivery to his house at closing time and then just pop round

and get a lift home from the delivery man because he knew he was going to his gaff anyway. That is a life hack. That is the very definition of a life hack. It's quite a specific life hack, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, you would get annoyed after a while, wouldn't you? Have we even spoken about this before on the show?

I may have read it and thought, we have to speak about this. This is incredible. What an absolute ledge. It's a brilliant idea. Yeah, fantastic. Mark doesn't say whether he did it as well. It's one of those things

where you have the idea and you sort of go, I wonder if this would be acceptable. And then you think, no, that wouldn't be acceptable in any walk of life. Would the delivery driver be within his rights to charge more money, do you think? Yeah, you'd certainly expect a tip, wouldn't be acceptable in any walk of life. Would the delivery driver be within his rights to charge more money, do you think?

Yeah, you'd certainly expect a tip, wouldn't you? So I was on a, I was playing a bit of PUBG with my mate the other night. And obviously you're on the old... Headset. Yeah. And he said, oh yeah. Shouting racial platitudes.

No, no, I was shouting, I was shouting, like really, like great army shouts that I've only seen on TV. No, no, I was shouting, I was shouting, like, really, like, great army shouts that I've only seen on TV. Right, okay. Check your six! Check your six! Check your six!

Breach! Breach! Breach! Fan out! Fan out. Slice the pie. Yeah. The eagle has landed. But anyway, he was saying to me,

look, get ready for the next game. I'm just going to order fish and chips on Deliveroo. Yeah, okay. Right, so, and I can still hear him on the phone, on the headset, right? he was saying to me look get ready for the next game I'm just going to order a fish and chips on Deliveroo yeah okay right so and I can still hear him on the phone on the headset right

yeah why is he ringing Deliveroo well I'm going to tell you I'm going to tell you because he orders it on Deliveroo the last time he's ordered Deliveroo

he's at his mate's house oh miles away and he forgot to change his dress yes and I said to him well fish and chips

are what a tenner right yeah it's a pain why don't you just order another lot and your mate gets a surprise fish and chips. No, he's not here.

He ain't going to get it. I'm going to call up the restaurant. Restaurant. Well, whatever. Call up the fish and chip shop. Just hold that number off the Google. Yeah. And says, hello.

I've got it wrong. Yeah, I've done this. I've done that. And they've said, well, there's nothing we can do about it. We just give the food to the Deliveroo driver. You're going to have to call Deliveroo. And he was like, how do I call Deliveroo? To me, I was like,

you can call Deliveroo. I think you can, Kyle. You can't call Deliveroo. Is there not a number where you can ring? Anyway, he sends him a message and says, ends up putting a message

on the Deliveroo app to the Deliveroo driver saying, don't go to that address. Come to this address and I'll pay you an extra fiver. Right.

But the Deliveroo driver thinks it's a scam because you would, right? You think I'm going to get murdered or something. I ain't doing that. Anyway, cut a long story short, he had to just wear the loss and then buy another load of fish and chips on Deliveroo.

To me, that seems like it should happen a lot more than you'd hear about. And that's a very obvious flaw in the app. Because you're playing... We're not sponsored by them this month, are we? I have done a... Well, you know, I mean, it has, but if the restaurant's done what is acceptable,

you know, deliver who have a certain duty of care to their drivers, presumably. The fish and chip shop, they're free of blame as soon as they... Sorry, not negligent. No, the opposite to that. Their negligence is negligible. Yes, absolutely, because they hand it over to the driver.

That's the driver's... Take this. Yeah, take it off you go. Take this. Have you ever done that? You must have done that. Yeah, I've delivered things to the wrong address. Yeah, I'm fairly certain. What, turned through a letter box?

Wrong house, sorry. Yeah. For my 40th, a mate got us... Apple have got these new little kind of tags that you can put on your keys or something, and you can do it on track your iPhone or whatever. So if you've lost your keys in your house you can sort of look around

so this is a good idea what's wrong with the old what's that in the 90s what do you mean what's that little key ring whistle key ring oh no

you've lost them you whistle similar sort of thing I suppose for about 100 quid probably yeah but that went missing ironically

did it yeah I needed a tracker to track it in what way it just went it went in my old house. Oh, it never made it onto the King Room.

And then I got a message from Hermes going, Hi, guys. If you want your package redelivered, thinking it was this package, you've just got to go to this website and type in your fucking credit card details. And I got phished. I got fucking phished.

Did you? I'm turning into a senile little idiot, mate. How did that happen? Because they got me at a sleepy time and I typed in not one. Times a sleepy time?

People are going to scam you. 10am. Any time between 8 and 8. Yeah, I typed in not one but two credit card details

so I had to cancel both my credit cards. Oh, that is a pain. Fucking prick. I won't name them because it would be unfair but one of our colleagues here got hacked by a Twitter phishing scam. Oh, that is a pain. Fucking prick. I won't name them because it would be unfair, but one of our colleagues here

got hacked by a Twitter phishing scam. Oh yeah, I think we spoke about it before and the hacker somehow had my phone number. Yeah. He said,

hi, I am Polish hacker, ha ha. Yeah, but the first thing... It was a thousand dollars or something? Yeah, the thing that convinced him, that tricked him,

was an email purporting to be from Twitter, which started with, hello, dear. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Look, companies are always being friendly like that, aren't they?

Hello, dear. Hello, dear. Anyway, thanks for that life hack, Mark. I want to squeeze this email in as well before we go, which is from James Burrows. And this is something

I hadn't considered. And I have to concede. I feel a little bit silly now. Now it's been made kind of clear to me. It feels kind of obvious. James Burrows has been in touch saying, Hi guys, one of the more random emails I've composed in my life. But here we go.

The reason dinosaurs don't have genitals and breasts on display is because they are lizards oh shit breasts are a mammal only thing right so the female dinosaurs would not have any on display aromadillo is not uh lizardy good point check it out i don't know they're one of those animals that you think is one thing but it's another yeah like um you would be like you would be well within your rights that's a mammal oh there. Like, you would be well within your rights to think. That's a mammal.

Oh, there you go then. You'd be well within your rights to think, for example, that a dolphin is a fish. It's not. Yeah, okay, right. It's a mammal. It breathes air, you know?

I mean, that was a clone on The Simpsons where that episode where Homer gets a new son. I've never seen it. Yeah, he goes, dolphins aren't actually a fish. They're mammals like you and I.

And Homer's kid goes, is that true, Homer? He goes, it. Yeah, he goes, dolphins aren't actually fish. Their mum was like, you and I. And Homer's kid goes, is that true, Homer? He goes, no. Yeah. And I think sometimes the old evolution does trick us. Because the duck-billed platypus, for example,

when that was first discovered and sent to some kind of biologist or whatever, they thought it was a joke. They thought it was a hoax. Oh, they thought... Because they thought there's no way it can be a real animal.

It's been stitched together by those different things. Anyway, so yeah. So James says, male dinosaurs would more than likely have what's called a hemipenis, which is basically an inverted pouch where the genitals are held

until they're needed. That's what you've got, isn't it? I mean, that's good. I think that would solve a lot of problems. We wouldn't need to buy pants. Better for playing football. Correct.

Yeah, correct. I mean, you would... I think that would solve a lot of problems wouldn't it better for playing football correct yeah correct I mean you would how would you do like a kind of a sexy selfie yeah because it's not needed

no it's not if you're apart from your partner you'd be like Ken from a Barbie and Ken exactly yeah if you if you it would be so mysterious

what was in there if you had a one night stand and you closed off for the first time and the other party involved was like what's going on and you went

give it a second I've got a hemi penis I only take them out when I need that would be surprising I think but anyway lizards

are not ashamed of them and why should they be that's how it works for them James says I hope that explains why you never

see dinosaur dicks and boobs yeah it does James thanks thanks very much dinosaur dicks and boobs great album great album enjoyable yeah so great Thanks. Thanks very much. Dinosaur dicks and boobs. Great album.

Great album. Yeah, so great from James to get in touch about that. I really appreciate it. And I do feel a bit silly because I didn't really think it through when I talked about it before

and it seems kind of obvious now because you don't really see like the Komodo dragon knocking about with a big chopper hanging out, do you? No. It would be terribly...

It would probably have a spur on it or something. Yeah, it'd be poison. It'd be colourful. The Komodo dragon, I think, has got very slow-acting venom. Right. Which took ages for...

50 years. For experts... No, I think it is very slow-acting. I think it took ages for experts to understand why they would bite people and not follow up on it

or whatever. Right. And it's because, like, it takes a while, but all of a sudden you kind of... So what do they do? Bite and then hide?

Just don't do the biting. Just do the hiding. Get a book out. Just go. Come back to me. Give them the big ones now, aren't you? Come back to me in an hour,

mate. Got me in a net now, have you, you prick? If you can. Armadillo, this is from the first four words of the Armadillo Wikipedia page.

Armadillos mean little armoured ones in Spanish. That makes sense. Isn't that bloody adorable? It's great. So they're armoured lizard-looking mammals, basically. And do you know what defines a mammal, Pete? No.

I believe that it's they give birth to live young. Nice. Not eggy ones. No eggs. Lovely. Shall we go through the odd-toed ungulates now? The old tapirs and the... Is it a camel?

A camel might be. I don't know. Someone once said to me that it's all about perspective because a chicken is just an egg's way of making another egg. I like that. Yeah.

That's nice. Yeah. That subverted what I thought about chickens and eggs. There you go. Which came first, though. Which came first, exactly.

Yeah, which came first. Anyway, Pete, let's get out of here. We're done. Let's get out of here. I've got a busy day, mate. You've got your Monopoly board to play.

You know what? Those bobbleheads, I mean, Monopoly less interested in, but they're bobbleheads. Oh, you are dictionary definition. That's a short run. That's a short run thing. No one's buying loads of those.

Yeah. That's not like one of those fucking, you know, those big headed things you see in like shops that used to be video game shops. No, not Athena. You know, shops that used to be video game shops

and then they get these bobbleheads and I hate them. I can't remember the fucking name of them now. But there's like every possible conceivable kind of meme you've ever seen. You can get a little figurine of it. You don't want to know how close I came for your birthday to getting you

a really expensive vape so that you felt duty bound to use it. To kill myself. I thought to myself, I know it's apparently healthier than smoking, but it's probably still quite bad for you. I don't want to be responsible for that. Yeah, it's one of the worst things you could give me in the sphere of a 40th birthday present, I suppose.

A load of black tar heroin. Because you are so guilty about accepting presents and stuff. I'd have to smoke it up right away, wouldn't I? And I hope you don't mind me saying, I don't want to end the episode on a particularly sound note, but I do think that you are in the Venn diagram

of people that quite like comedy's hat like that. Yeah, that's fair. That is fair. Because you've got like 20 wrestling figures. You've been in my garage.

No one's been in your garage, mate. No. And good reason why. Anyway, let's go. Let's go. It was the side of,

it was a lamb shank. Right. That's what you were doing, was it? We'll be back on Thursday with more of this nonsense. Hello at unkapeachshow.com. Check us out on Twitter. Check us out.

All the stuff that Natalie's putting on the Instagram. Luke and Peach Show. We'll be back. See you later, dickheads.