The Luke and Pete Show - Bernard Matthews is a turkey man, first and foremost

Episode Date: October 11, 2021

Welcome along to a new week of LAPS, as the cool kids are calling it now. Luke and Pete, resplendent in their shackets, join each other to talk about a number of commercially available beverages, including Special Brew, Diet Coke and San Pellegrino, before getting stuck into some other bits and pieces including the Lake District, an app designed to stop incest and much, much more.We also hear from you, the listener, and your finest tales as well, and if you're reading this and have never sent us an email, please don't be shy. You can find us on [e-mail]! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Luke and Pete show sponsored by Kreuzfeld's Yakov's disease Mad cow disease, we're here and we're loving the mad cow I'm just reading Luke about a new story about the Chinese have extended their long-seated ban on their British beef, which upsets me. That's still going. Still going. We still want to have our beef jerky or nothing.

Beautiful British beef. Beautiful British beef. That's really strange. Who used to do that advert for beautiful British beef? Was it both of them? You're thinking of, yeah, he was beefy. He was beefy. And then Alan Lamb was lamby, wasn't he?

Another cricketer. But I think the way the impression you did though for me if I'm reading the Pete Donaldson runes like I usually try to do that was Bernard Matthews

the turkey man oh bootiful yeah he did didn't he it's kind of confusing isn't it reading the Pete Donaldson runes that's all we do every single week

it is yeah I come out with some half baked half remembered nonsense and then you try and you know piece it together do you know who benefits

do you know who benefits? it's like a nice jigsaw do you know who benefits? not the listener us us humanity no the listener benefits people put me back together

I'm like a mental humpty dumpty yeah you are a bit yeah you are a bit how are you doing? what's been going on? how are things? what's new? good

you've got a Harambee t-shirt on I see no I didn't realise it was Harambee when I bought it, but it's just one of those shirts. The problem with me is I've put on a lot of weight in the last year and I can't wear any of my clothes. You'll notice that I'm just wearing a lot of football shirts

and that's all I've got really that works for me. You're presenting that to me like that would be an alien concept to me. Of course I know what that's like. Oh, it's awful, isn't it? That's why we're both wearing shackets today exactly yeah mine's covered in paint

it's disgusting do we talk about shackets enough um not really I'm not I've never really been a big fan I bought this shirt ironically

because I was going to a 90s night with my partner and I had to dress like Kurt Cobain so so you're wearing a dicks out for Harambe t-shirt

and a and a basically a normal plaid shirt yeah and you're wearing a dicks out for Harambe t-shirt and basically a normal plaid shirt. And you're wearing the plaid shirt, ironically. You're deadly serious about the gorilla that died. I'm deadly serious about Harambe. Deadly serious. It happens to both of us, mate. It happens to the best of us when it comes to...

I mean, I want to blame the lockdown, but I'm not sure if I should blame the lockdown because I'm sure there are many, many people out there who are perfectly healthy still yeah true they probably found time didn't they probably had more time to work out and exercise

though my rice cooker is bubbling away pretty much every day that's what I've been eating as my ballast a lot of people have got in touch about the rice cooker

so you've actually got to because you were obviously talking about this last week apparently you've got to really invest financially into a good quality rice cooker yeah and I did certainly how much was yours it was in the So you've actually got to, because you were obviously talking about this last week, apparently you've got to really invest financially

into a good quality rice cooker. Yeah, and I did, certainly, yeah. How much was yours? It was in the high 200s. And then it got slapped with a 60 quid import fee. That's annoying when that happens. But you will insist on being different, though. It's not different.

No, it is, because you did that same thing with your moped, didn't you? Oh, my moped? Speaking of a waste of bloody money. I didn't have any number plates for about nine months. I tried to try to start it this morning. Didn't work.

I think there's a spark plug issue. Okay, and what has led you to believe that's the issue specifically? Because when I press let's go now, Mr. Wangy125T, it just stays completely silent.

Yeah. And the battery seems fine because the horn works. My neighbours were very much appreciative of me trying that at seven o'clock this morning. You were going to ride the moped all the way in today?

No, I was going to ride the moped to the train station, which is a little way away and I'm quite lazy. Okay. But yeah, no, it's not working at the moment. Not really sure how to fix it, but I'll give it a prod. Have you spoken to Daddy Donaldson? Why would my dad know?

But it's a bike plug, you know. My dad's never driven anything in his life. He doesn't know about cars. He was allowed on a pick-up, not a pick-up, a forklift truck back in the day at the chemical plant he worked at, and he totaled about five lockers

and was never asked to do it again. My dad's got a forklift license. Has he? Yeah, I saw it in his wallet the other day, yeah. He saw it in his wallet. Yeah, he renewed it fairly recently. Oh, did he? Right, just in case he needs to do a bit of forklifting.

I think he was doing a little bit of warehouse work, yeah, while back. Oh, interesting. Tell me, if you don't needs to do a bit of forklifting. I think he was doing a little bit of warehouse work. Yeah, while we're at it. Oh, interesting. Tell me, if you don't mind, to tell the listeners as well, obviously, what you told me about your dad this week. Oh, he's got a new friend. He's got a new friend.

He works at the power station. He's in security. He's the man who stands outside the... I didn't realise that the nuclear defence constabulary is quite a new thing. Like, 2003, after September 11th, obviously, they wanted to safeguard all of their nuclear rods. So in front of every power station,

as you'd imagine, there's an armed guard and my dad's friend is, and I will not stop talking about this new friend of his. It's quite charming, really. This is Hartlepool Power Station? Ex-Squaddy, works at Hartlepool Power Station and is it Steeley? I can't remember what they call it.

But yeah, he's always talking about his brand new friend. It's very adorable when an older man gets a new friend, works at Hartlepool Power Station and is it Steakley? I can't remember what they call it but yeah he's always talking about he's a brand new friend it's very adorable when an older man gets a new friend but it's a little bit partridge as well

how do they get to know each other? I don't know to be honest he's got a dog called Jet that's all I know he takes a dog

to work with him there's a dog called Little Rifle I'd like to see that very much to be quite frank it's nice when my dad got a fairly new

friend maybe a couple of years ago. Ray. Yeah. That's the guy who he restores the anvils with. Right.

Okay. And Ray's a character. Loves his special brew. Loves his special brew. Look it's got great bang for the buck. I bet it tastes nice. Hates the.

Oh come on. It's lager isn't it? It's not beer. It's lager. It's like a strong lager. So it's probably going to be quite tasty. Yeah but there's strong lager in it and there's that. It's not tasty. I've had it before. It's lager, isn't it? It's not beer. It's lager. It's like a strong lager. So it's probably going to be quite tasty.

Yeah, but there's strong lager in it. And there's that. It's not tasty. I've had it before. It's awful. It's like flowery treacle. Flowery treacle. But laced with petrol.

Look, the tastes of the beer-drinking man and woman these days, they like weird stuff that's a bit heavy and very alcoholic. So it probably fits into the same taste profile as those silly things you get in a Craft Ale shop. One of my big bugbears about when you go to the US

and you go to like a brew pub, because everyone's like, there's no such thing as a decent beer in America. It's bullshit. There's loads of really good beer there now, but it's always really strong. I remember going to a place

in Willimantic in Connecticut called Willy Brew. Great place. Does amazing food. Really nice kind of brew house pub. Good vibe. But like,

the ales they had on that day, there wasn't one lower than like 9%. Yeah. But they're just doing bottles, aren't they? And then a shot. These were pints and...

Wowzers. Yeah, that's a big thing and having shots with a... Have a shot with a bottle, yeah. You got that from the wire? Probably, yeah. It's just like doing the wire and a... Yeah. But so I don... Have a shot with a bottle, yeah. You got that from the wire? Probably, yeah. It's just what I did with the wire, isn't it?

Yeah. But I don't think you would enjoy special brew. No. I'm surprised you don't know the flavour of it. I will have had some in the deep and distant past, but I think that's a feature for another day. It's in your near future. Maybe drink some special brew.

Oh, yeah, definitely. It's definitely in your near future. Yeah, when I get thrown out and... As you say, just turn... What was it? Turn around? No, what did you say just turn what was it turn around no what did you say just sort of like

rock about yeah the cut about yeah just cut about that's it yeah doing your thing man about town ponytail

ponytail yeah some kind of I don't know what job you'd have we tried to work that out before I'd have a project yeah you would on the go

are you telling me you haven't got any special brew in your garage right now as we speak no I've got a bottle of Bacardi bottle of Bacardi I've got a bottle of Bacardi.

I've got the bottle of rum that the man over the road gave us and a lot of tins of Guinness and Tisky. That's a dig at him. So basically he's given you some rum

but you've also bought your own Bacardi rum next to it. What a dig that is. Yeah, exactly. He was probably hoping you'd never

need to buy rum again and the way you've repaid him is buy your own high street version yeah sorry mate can I talk to you about a really odd incident that happened to me last week

right I've called it Diet Coke Gate Diet Coke Gate yeah so man I'd have to shut it off chicken Diet Coke

yeah that would have been much more enjoyable I went into the canteen here at this building yeah can I say that here at this building I went to the canteen

here at this building well if it happened or didn't happen well I this building? I went to the canteen here at this building. Well, if it happened or it didn't happen. But I can't name them because I don't actually know their name. Right, okay. So, anyway.

I went to the canteen and we know the staff there, right? Yeah. There's a new member of staff there. Uh-oh. Okay. You mean someone

who hasn't been trained up to the level that they are? Well, sadly, yes. I'm going to make them completely anonymous because it wouldn't be right otherwise because i'm not doubting for one second they're they're you know they're obviously trying their best so i was with katie right and i went into the the cafe katie's already

in there we're gonna have a sit down have a lunch chat about some stuff and she was already in there so look i'll come in a minute i'll drop my laptop off and i'm gonna go and get i want a fancy diet coke i get diet Coke from the things. You want anything? She was like, no. Went over there. New person working there. So I said,

all I wanted was a can of Diet Coke. Right. I said, can I have a Diet Coke, please? And they were like, yeah, sure. Went into this fridge, got out a Coke Zero and put it on the table. Yeah.

And I was like, okay, well, let's do it like a choose your own adventure. Okay. At that point, what would you do? All right. So you two are going to say. I don't know them. I've never met them. I'm going, hello, mate. I's do it like a choose your own adventure. Okay. At that point, what would you do? All right. So you two are going to say. I don't know them.

I haven't met them. I'm going, hello, mate. I'm Luke Moore. Can I have a Diet Coke, please? No, I didn't do that. I didn't do that. I just asked for a Diet Coke. Hi, I'm just putting myself into your kind of like persona.

Okay. I'm Luke Moore. Tell a joke. No one laughs. I'm at the bar. Yeah. I would like a Diet Coke, please. Yeah.

Coke zero. What? What were you there? I love your fingers. Were, please? Yeah. Coke Zero. What? What, were you there? I love your fingers! Were you there? Yeah. No, so... They brought me a Coke Zero.

And you were like, no, I love your Coke Zero. And it wasn't a confrontational thing. No. I was like, I honestly thought... But you did porky keys at them. No, I honestly thought...

Jumping in the wrong... I lifted up my shirt and there was a Bowie knife in the belt. But I didn't have to say anything. No. I honestly thought... Jumping in the wrong... I lifted up my shirt, and there was a Bowie knife in the belt. But I didn't have to say anything. No. I honestly thought that they had just grabbed the wrong can and put it there. Right?

So I was like, oh, no, no, sorry, a Diet Coke. And they were like, well, it's a Diet Coke. I was like, no, it's not. Right. It's Coke Zero. They've got three products in that fridge. They should know their product line. And this is what annoys me.

And part of the reason I'm bringing this to the table is because you are going to find this fascinating because I don't think you would expect me to be like this but I was I was like no no it's not

it's a different product and they were like no no no it says zero sugar on it it's the same thing I was like no it's not the same thing it tastes different

Diet Cokes in a silver can did they have Diet Cokes in the fridge yes right okay and they were like that's even more maddening

though isn't it and they were like it's the same thing. And I was like, do you know what I thought? I thought, fucking hell, maybe they've changed the product. Yeah. And I don't know. And it's me in the wrong.

And she or he is in a Diet Coke. She's in the pocket of Coke, basically. She's trying to sell Pepsi Max as a Diet Coke. I thought that they would have like training between the three Coca-Cola products training I just think maybe

he or she are sort of going in the grand scheme of things it's the same it's the same thing and that's the thing so the two things

that played at the back of my mind one was am I being petty here and two am I mistaken is this not the biggest error I've ever made?

Right. And it's changed in the last week or so and I'm not sure. And you're kind of in a situation where Pepsi, sorry,

what was the thing you actually got? Coke Zero. Coke Zero. Coke Zero was created because lads apparently found drinking Diet Coke slightly feminine.

So that was why that product was created. It does taste different. But it does taste different. it does taste different it's definitely a softer taste Diet Coke's very aggressive

more carbonated it's a more satisfying drink Coke Zero's a little bit softer isn't it so basically I just put down

my arms and just accept defeat you had your arms up I was in my arms with guns and accept defeat and just buy Coke Zero and drink it.

And I went back to the table and Katie was like, I thought you were on a diet coke. I was like, don't you fucking start. So it was the weirdest situation because they were so sure and it disarmed me. And I think now I know what other people are like when they talk to me because I'm very sure normally. I'm kind of halfway through those kind of two camps,

I suppose, because it's kind of like, I do think in the grand scheme of things, it's the same thing fundamentally. You're not going to, the effects on your body are going to be the same. But I want to know if anyone listening has ever had a situation where they've been challenged like that and backed down, even though they know they're in the right. Because I could have just said, because obviously Terry and Alex both work there,

and I know them, and I've worked here for years, so I know. I could have said, Terry, can you get me a Diet Coke, please? But I didn't want to mug off the new person. No. It was their first week working here. Yeah. So I've basically had to take the hit here.

Narrowed it down, haven't you? I don't think anyone listening is going to come visit. I've had to take the hit for someone else not knowing. The difference between Diet Coke and... And it's not just that they work there it's like this is the most famous

product in the world so I don't really get how you could get to however aged they are I don't want to say that because it's going to narrow it down even further and not know

the basic Coke products yeah it's a shame isn't it I suppose and the other thing that annoys me is Gimlet or Reply All

or Heavyweight or whatever would do a whole hour on this. Go and find the original person. Find out the difference. It's a conversation we'd

just do it in a conversation but to me it really discombobulated me for a while afterwards. To the point where I went on to my computer and I checked. Double checked.

Like it was a different product still. And I could see all the Diet Cokes in the fridge from where I was at yeah oh Luke don't you think that's strange

I think it's very strange but I just like he actually you've clearly been told that it's the same product back in the day and then they've just taken that to their life

they've taken that to their don't have a go at me no I'm not giving you you know stuff you don't want I'm the assurant to cry on, mate. What would you have done?

Would you have done what? I would have taken it. Yeah, I would have taken it. You'd have bought 10 Coke Ceros. Just so I could get to the point where they ran out of Coke Ceros and I could start getting diet Cokes. So what have you got left now? San Pellegrino.

I don't want that San Pellegrino. San Pellegrino is soft drinks for people who want to feel superior and not want to be judged for drinking soft drinks. No, that's more like a schlur or something like that. Schlur? You can't get that anymore, Grandad.

Can you? You can't get schlur. We used to trick my ex-partner's gran into drinking it rather than wine because she was a bit of an elk. Tell me more about that. Now we're doing Jersey. Tell me more about that. What do you Jersey tell me more about that what do you mean

so you would just tell him it was wine yeah got away with it every time I just don't think she was really into being an alcoholic I think you and I

know someone we could do that with who by the way when I told the story about Diet Coke said to me grow up should we be drinking

that nonsense anyway he said have water or a beer. I was at work. I was literally at work. Oh, fantastic. Yeah.

Now, I forgot what I was going to say. That kind of wiped my brain a little bit. Can I also say that in that situation, there were people behind me in the queue who could have intervened and they didn't. And they didn't help. All that's got to happen for evil for triumph

to triumph is for good men and women to do nothing see evil and do nothing oh Luke I'm so sorry you had that emotional time I'm worried about

going back in there now because what if they know they've done wrong and they're really they're like oh god what an idiot mistake to make and they're just going to

style it out for the rest until the end of time they're going to just throw all the Diet Cokes in the bin do you know what I should do I should stroll in to just throw all the Diet Cokes in the bin. Do you know what I should do? I should stroll in there like Clint Eastwood in the middle of lunch service today, slam a pound corn on the table and go, Diet Coke.

That's what I should do. And then every time they try and fob you off or something else, just slam your hand on the pound and go, Diet Coke. And the only thing they could do to really get one back at me straight away is to instantly go, Pepsi, okay? Like they do in pubs. Do you know they do that in pubs? What?

Oh yeah. Oh yeah, it's never Coke, is it? Vodka and, yeah, two pints of that and Guinness and a vodka and Coke.

Pepsi okay? Fuck off. Don't be so passive aggressive. Just say, we've got Pepsi. Just give me the fucking Pepsi. No one's ever said, no, it's not okay actually

I'm going to go somewhere else do you want a can with a foil on the top yes I do thank you very much I wonder how much

it costs Sam Pellegrino that foil I've often thought that good old Sam Pellegrino speak to him

Sammy P and that costs them money I'm telling you but on the other hand it's actually a really good idea

so for those listening who don't know Sam Pellegrino have a foil bit, or they always used to, on the top of the can that you pull off first before you open the can. Now that makes perfect sense because you're putting your mouth on that bit. And that's been in a cellar with rat piss all over it. Probably has. Yeah. You've got to be careful.

And poo. And poo. Probably, yeah. So it makes sense, but it must cost them a lot of money. Yeah. It's an added bit. So it makes sense, but it must cost them a lot of money. Yeah, it's an added bit.

It kind of reminds me, my nan used to put tinfoil when she'd finished half a can of cork or whatever drink it was, and she would just, because the can was metal, she presumed that to protect the drinks inside, instead of using like a saran wrap or like a cling film sort of wrap on the top to kind of keep it fresh, she'd just jam,

she'd like ball up a bit of tinfoil and jam it in the hole because it was tin, because it was aluminium. It was really confusing. All you want to do is stop the air getting in, right? Exactly. So anything could have worked.

Anything could have worked. When it comes to beer, everyone listening knows you're a hiney man. I'm a hiney, I'm not a hiney man, but... What are you in terms of soft drinks? I don't mind a San Pellegrino. They do some weird flavours, don't they?

Lemony ones. I think it's a licorice-y kind of flavoured one as well. Very, very continental European flavours. Very paprika crisps, isn't it? Yeah, absolutely. When you were 15 and you went on a school trip or something to Belgium and you saw that, it would blow your mind to bits. Absolutely blow it to bits.

Anyway, so that's what's really been occupying my mind over the last few days. I have been to the Lake District as well at the weekend. Yeah, any good? Want to hear about that? It's wicked. The Lake District is one of those places that I've been to literally twice, and once for a festival, and the other one time, it just seemed like my sister.

What festival was in the Lake District? Oh God, it's one up there. I can't remember the name of the place. It was kind of quite a little bit north from sort of, it was in Cumbria somewhere. It was some little festival around there. Oh, was it Kendall Calling?

Kendall Calling. Yeah, because Kendall's where it is I think yeah but what a stunning part of the world it's a beautiful part of the world it really is

and the air is so fresh the water is so fresh yeah we stayed in Cartmel which is a really nice little village a lot of good walking around there and also you kind of

forget how big and expansive Derbyshire is like it's kind of it's the kind of it extends right right up to where you're talking about, isn't it? No, Cumbria. Have I got terribly confused? You're talking about the Peak District.

I am talking about the Peak District. I've been there as well. I thought you'd been once. I thought you'd been once to the Lake District. I've been to the Peak District recently. You like that? You like it? Look, if it's got the district in there I'll take it

yeah district 9 bit underwhelming yeah exactly I love it I've been to the peaks as well but I personally prefer the lakes

oh when I was there with the wifi I have access to we were we were having a pint in the pub what have we been doing I've been for a walk I wasn't ready for time for dinner

so we had a little pint in the pub beautiful pubs in a little town square there there's loads of people around normally you don't really see that many people there i was thinking what's going on there and they did a little bit of investigative work yeah and found out that that that the next morning there was a 50 mile ultra marathon across the lakes happening right it's called lakes in a day and um i think three or four hundred hardy souls were doing 50 miles

of distance and 4,000 metres cumulatively of ascent all the way down the lake district from the north to the south or part of it

and stopping and finishing in Cartmel a Cartmel race course right so it's just full of basically really healthy fit

athletic looking young men and women. A few of the men there the night before, smashing the pints. Isn't it probably good for you or something? In a weird way? A lot of sugar in there. I chatted to one of them. Because you know outside of London everyone speaks to you.

Yeah. I was chatting to one of them, who was an older guy actually. He looked like he was probably in his 50s. Yeah. And he'd done loads of ultramaths. He was saying that he will go up to and including two pints of beer. Because it's got carbohydrates in it, helps you to relax,

helps you to sleep a bit better. Over and above that. You're asking for trouble. Yeah. As he was telling me that. He's sick down his front. He pulled out a hip flush. Over his shoulder were two lads.

Yeah. Probably in their mid-twenties. Drinking a yard of ale. Beer glasses everywhere. Crisps. Yeah. All sorts going on. Yeah.

I wish I had their names so I could look at their results. I wish I had their names. But I didn't, so I couldn't. But anyway, some guy did it in something mad, like nine hours. Right. It was amazing. It just seems like a lot of work. Someone pulled out after 23 hours.

Just finish it. Just finish it. Walk over the line. Must have got an injury or something. Anyway, that's what I've been doing. Let's have a quick break, Pete. When we come back, we'll do a couple of emails, shall we? Because that is how we normally do things.

Let's do it. Guess who's back? It's the Luke and Pete Show. Pete and Luke with you. If you want to get in touch with the show, as always, our email box is ready for your messages. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com. You can check us out on Twitter as well hello at lucanpeachshow.com you can check us out

on Twitter as well at lucanpeachshow Luke what have you pulled out of the fax machine this week I was thinking we've got 2048

unread emails are they actually it's all spam though isn't it because people think it's funny to send us spam sometimes it's spam

but I'm just worried about whether it'll ever run out of space or whatever run out of space mate Google. Run out of space? Mate, Google revolutionized the Gmail account. Oh, yeah, we still got loads of space. Got loads of space, mate.

Okay, fine. I'm just worried about that now. Right, you want me to do an email? Yes, please. Okay. This is an email here from Liam. Liam. And this is referencing maybe a week or two ago,

we did things that you trade at school. Pogs, football stickers, all that kind of crap. Liam says, Hi guys, listening to your chat a couple of weeks ago about pogs and football stickers took me back to the dog-eat-dog world of the primary school playground. When I was about 10,

I did a very controversial sticker trade. The authorities, brackets the other kids' mums, even got involved. I was doing the standard got, got, need, need with a kid in the year below me. There's already a power

dynamic there. How big a deal was that in school when someone was in a different year to you? And you would have, and you would have, and you'd be the one

kind of like showing your wares, like, you know, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, because you wouldn't let them do it. That would be terribly,

you don't let anybody else finger your stickers. On the year group sort of demarcation, I basically went through school never really getting beaten up or bullied or anything because I lived opposite a kid called Paul Button. He was a year above. I think he was about six months older than me total. Yeah.

And he was hard and everyone knew we were pals. His next door neighbour the other guy opposite was a guy called James Wharton who was a year above

even him and was also seen as hard and I was also really good friends with him. So no one would come near me. I was feeling that I was going to get

hammered as soon as they both left school. But it never happened. Yeah. It never happened. Yeah. It never happened. So the dynamic, all I'm saying is different year groups,

it means a lot back then. It's like The Sopranos, isn't it? A little bit. A little bit. By the way, speaking of that, steady. Do you know what I watched yesterday?

The Sopranos. No, no, no. Better than that. Well, not better than that. The Sopranos 2. Have you seen it? I watched, someone sent me a link yesterday,

my friend Duncan, sent me a link to a Twitter video. Right. Guy on it with 200 followers, not a viral thing or anything, hardly been watched, clicked on it.

That is Willie out. Guy, that is Willie out. It was a man having sex with another man and his penis was spinning around. Yes. No, it wasn't meat spin. It was...

I haven't had a meat spin for years. Check this out right a very as far as I'm sorry Liam we will get back to you a very precious

lost part of history Johnny Vaughn and I think Denise no Johnny Vaughn and Lisa Tarbuck right in the Big Breakfast yeah

right they're obviously some kind of promotional tour for the Sopranos new season or whatever every single main character of the Sopranos, actor,

in the big breakfast studio together, sat on a bench. That's early season, isn't it? That is early season. It was Gandolfini. Yeah. Falco. You fuck.

Yeah, it was Bracco. Right. Lorraine Bracco. Dominic Chianese, Michael Imperioli, who plays Christopher. Yeah. David Chase, the creator.

It was unbelievable. That is amazing. How often now do you get the whole cast? But it's like seeing the Mannix in Japan, and they're all there, and it's the 90s, and you sort of go, oh my God, I can't believe that shitty TV show. Are they doing public access television or something?

Yeah. Because they're on the way up and stuff. I find that sort of thing really, really... At one point, Johnny Vaughan was asking James Gandolfini, right,

widely considered to be the greatest television actor in history, he was asking him some bullshit Big Breakfast trivia question. Have you ever watched a film backwards?

How many eggs do you have? He was like, he was literally that level of stuff and he was answering it really earnestly. It was crazy. It was like, it was literally that level of stuff and he was answering it really earnestly. It was crazy. It was like watching, I don't know,

it was like watching Julius Caesar play table tennis on fucking news night. It was like, what is this? Anyway, I don't know how we got onto this. We both worked in a building

with Johnny Vaughn and he's frightening. Genuinely frightening. Have I said this before? One of my first jobs at that company was standing on the toilet door to. Genuinely frightening. Have I said this before? One of my first jobs at that company was standing on the toilet door

to look out for people so Johnny Thorpe could smoke during the ad break on the Capital Radio breakfast show. I remember once sitting opposite him for lunch

when he was eating a yoghurt and it was messy. Really messy. Not sexual. It was just messy. Anyway, Liam, back to you. He said, I was doing the Stanley Cup

got needy swapsy thing when the kid in the year below me as he was going through the pile he identified Tony Adams as a need now for those listening internationally

or a little bit younger Tony Adams was a very big centre back in the Premier League big deal big deal I was very happy with this deal this particular Tony Adams

was from the previous season and I was pleased to be rid of him. It was very obviously an old sticker and Liam wants to make that very clear. It was an old sticker. As it was before school, mums were still on the playground. Ten minutes after the deal was struck

and the trade had taken place, this kid comes back and asks to swap back. Get lost. I refuse. Yeah. Because all trades are final. House wins. Next thing I know is mums coming over

having a go at me, insisting I trade back. Yeah. I dig my heels in. Again, all trades are final. House wins. Next thing I know is mum's coming over, having a go at me, insisting I trade back. Yeah. I dig my heels in. Again, all trades are final. She gets more angry and threatens to get the head teacher involved. At this point, I weigh up the benefits of having Dwight York in my pile of stickers

and getting hauled over the coals by the head versus having to back down and take back my own Tony Adams, my old Tony Adams. I back down, says Liam. The mum smugly walked away with Dwight, leaving me with an old, now dogged, Tony Adams. I think that's a disgrace. I think that is a disgrace.

That kid should be absolutely ashamed of themselves. I think the teachers should be ashamed of themselves. I think they should all be ashamed of themselves. Look, I think back in the day, I'm not suggesting that kids still do this now, but back in the day when it comes to sticker trading, there is a time and a place for an adult to get involved. That time is only

when physical violence is occurring. Physical violence or theft. Yeah. That's the only two. But if you've shaken on the deal, what sort of message does that send to the child? No consequences.

They need to learn diplomacy skills. What chance have the kids got of getting ahead in real life if they can't learn this kind of stuff? I would have been ashamed to get my... My mum's the type of mum who would have got involved as well. She's kind of stuff. I would have been ashamed to get my, my mum's the type of mum who would have got involved as well. Right.

She's right in there. Yeah. I would have been mortified. Mum. Absolutely mortified. And you're so much taller than your mum. Mum. Yeah.

Liam said, oh, and with pogs, there was always a kid that brought on a huge tube. Sometimes while he was playing, we'd run past and kick the tube into the air,

causing the pogs to go all over the place and we'd shout scrambles. Right. Which meant everyone could pile and then take the pogs. In retrospect, as Liam, I was a bit of an arsehole in front of this game. It's a good story.

I think it shows you the pitfalls of sticker trading. Liam lost me there, I must admit after that, but thank you for your message. Hello to Jimmy. To round off the show, let's do Jimmy's morning all. Jimmy here from the Weekly Luke's Game updates

and Pop Antonio Conte suggestions with an update on Iceland. When traffic got weak in the beautiful country a bus driver began telling us an Icelandic genealogical app

that was released in April 2013 called Islending App. Do you know what? I love this story but my heart sank when I had to pronounce

one of us would have to pronounce all these Icelandic things. Islending App. Yeah. Yeah, the main purpose of the app was I love this story, but my heart sank when I had to pronounce, one of us was going to pronounce all these Icelandic things. Iceland gap. Yeah. Yeah, the main purpose of the act was to allow the 320,000-odd population of the island to track their family history back some 1,200 years. And we probably spoke about this at the time, I must admit. So it may have been a feature we took a bit before.

Yeah, I think we did. But apologies if we're going to old ground. But it's never stopped us before. Let's make that very clear. It is claimed that everyone in Iceland, ignoring immigration, descends from only one family, that of a Norwegian chieftain

called Ingolfur Arnason or Arnason in 874 AD. However, he then stated that with about two thirds of Iceland's population living in Reykjavik, the main purpose of information only was missed on its users and it has essentially become an accidental incest prevention app

with the tagline, bump before you bump, a rough translation. Many users have taken to meeting up with others and checking their genome with them before going any further in their potential relationship. Based on an alert system the app provides, if a potential couple share a grandparent. You should know that far back, surely, already. I know that far back surely already i think that's your responsibility i think that's your responsibility i think above over and above great grandparent it by all means use some help oh dear but you

should know that we sort of regard the the pic from that part of the world as being so beautiful and tall but it's just they're just yeah looked this up. I can't believe we covered it the first time because it broke in 2013 and we weren't doing this show then. Oh, you weren't. Look, early on we did anyway. The developers of the app

embraced this surprising feature and it has subsequently been named oh God Sif Chal Spelsipile or Incest Spoiler which is a lovely turn of phrase.

Hopefully the above has not been talked about before as I do love the story. Love you both. Jimmy, Jimmy. Incredible. Just incredible. Created a new app to ensure that people

weren't dating close relatives. It's good to know, but I just think you should know. Yeah. I mean, you've got to take some responsibility. That's all I'll say. You have to take responsibility.

The incest alarm is discreetly warning users of a potentially awkward situation. Just, hey, mate. What's it do? Hey, mate. Don't, mate. Because your kids a potentially awkward situation. Just, hey, mate. What does it do? Hey, mate, you're dope, mate, because your kids all come out weird. Come on. Come on.

I was reading saying, what was he doing? We've all wanted to. Right, that's enough. That is enough from you. That's my incest voice. We've all wanted to. That's enough. You wouldn't steal a car.

Piracy. Family piracy. Family piracy. Family piracy. You're just copying genes, aren't you? There was a, you know, because you know there's always that kind of talk about how certain royal families have that problem. Yes. I saw.

Great pianists. It might have even been in the National, yeah, it might have even been in the National Gallery or something. There was a, I want to go, I want to say it was one of the King Jameses of Spain. Right. Who had a portrait painted of himself obviously because he was king or prince or whatever.

This is going back hundreds of years and obviously they're normally very flattering because for obvious reasons you don't want to get your head chopped off and paint a bad photo

of a monarch back in the day. But even that one looked odd and I was thinking that's weird because you don't normally see that. Anyway I read the little

write up and it turned out that he was actually so, unfortunately, he was so, and it is awful, he was so inbred that his jaw hadn't developed properly, he couldn't speak, he had no real motor functions because his joints were double jointed or something like that. And that was the best painting they could do. To still resemble him.

And that got me thinking, imagine that commission coming through if he were the painter. That's the last thing I want. They're going, can you not ask someone else to do it? I've got some good news. It's something

all artists dream of. Painting the king. You're going to paint one of the royals. Which one is it? Is it that one? Yes, it is. Make it flattering.

I don't know where, why isn't Van Gogh doing it? He'll do a good job. How long is it going to take me to do it? I'll do probably two days painting and about a week to get my affairs in order. Break the news to my family.

Yeah. That's it, Pete. Let's get out of here. Let's get out of here. We'll be back on Thursday for Back With Brown's Boys and Boobs. And in the meantime, send us a message.

Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com It's as simple as that. Don't eat beef, kids. No, you can eat beef. You can eat beef over here. Don't listen to what the Chinese say about British beef. I'm sure it's fine. They're always slagging it off.

The French were having a go at it for ages, weren't they? Why? Back in the day, they were straight in there saying, no, we're not eating British beef. We're not eating British beef. I mean, it's a very good reason to. It's Christophe Jaco's disease, isn't it? They call us roast beefs.

They're roast beefs. They're roast beefs, yeah. Anyway, sorry, I've derailed your outro Pete I apologise we'll see you on what is it Thursday I almost said Saturday then I'm all over the place

see you on Thursday oh We'll be right back. Stabilisering Thank you.