The Luke and Pete Show - Bonus episode: Knowing what to expect

Episode Date: September 4, 2021

Welcome to a special episode of The Luke and Pete Show, brought to you in paid partnership with Capital One!Today, we're talking about times where you expected one thing, only to discover that the opposite was true. The boys share their own mishaps as well as a few tales of misfortune that we received from you lovely lot. Expect grim meals in Japan, an ill-fated trip to Lisbon and a very strange sleepwalking mate. Get involved! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to a special episode of the Luke and Pete show brought to you in paid partnership with Capital One. With Capital One you know exactly what's coming when applying for a credit card. Their simple quick check tool gives you 100% certainty whether or not you'll be accepted before you apply and it takes less than a minute. 34.9% APR represented a variable. T's and C's apply. So that's exactly what we're going to be talking about today on the show. Times, Luke, where you might expect one thing only to find out that the opposite is true.

The modern world is fraught with this kind of behavior, isn't it? You're expecting one thing, you get given the exact opposite or something completely different. Yeah, when I first met you in about 2006 in XFM... That man doesn't know how to dress himself. No, I thought you looked really cool. Right, OK. And I was expecting a dapper, cool dude.

Right. And what I encountered and subsequently have experienced isn't that. Chaotic evil. Just pure chaotic evil. I like to think I made Hay while the sun shone. I've adapted there. I've adjusted.

He's not the man I thought he was but how can I use him? Point him in the right direction and he can do my bidding. You're like Littlefinger. Little something. Is that how you see me someone

who's manipulated you and doing things you don't want to do because it kind of feels a bit like that sometimes oh yeah you're like um i'm trying to think you are the scooter brawn yeah oh you're beaver that's problematic but you know what i think i've often joked that if you put you and me together you'd have one functioning successful human being yeah okay because you're creative and inspiring and uh very very good at that kind of stuff and i just like shouting and telling people what to do and i've got a bit of confidence so we put us together we'd be great anyway to answer your question seriously or semi-seriously um something that i expected but received something different yeah expected one thing and found out the opposite is true. Like classic, that's the first thing you go to in your mind.

Yeah. Well, it's always the same answer. When I was living in New Zealand in 2003, I got a job and the job turned out to be something completely different to what I was expecting because it was one of these things in the paper. And I was young and naive. It was really, but the internet was around, but there wasn't social media.

There wasn't kind of the internet as we now know it. And so you look for jobs. Models wanted. Yeah, I was looking for a job in the newspaper and I saw really handsome men needed. So I scrolled past that one and found another one which just said, do you think you could have what it takes

to succeed in sales this is absolutely true I think I would say that you would well that's what I thought so I thought right okay great I'll do that

no problem and it was all pretty quick and easy it was like it was obviously all legit but it was like if you go to this place have your interview

and all the rest of it and they really need people really quickly great so I went down to town went into a meeting room, chatted to a guy in there. He asked me a bit about myself,

about my personality type. This is what I'll be doing. And he said, what you're going to be doing is you're going to be selling products to businesses. And what I'm going to do is I'll pay you up with a guy called Ryan. Absolutely trust.

I still remember him to this day. Guy called Ryan, tall guy, a bit like me, really. Tall, quite big. Had a suit on. Was really slick. Seemed to know what he was doing.

Yeah. So I'm going to pull you out of him for today if you're happy to do it. This is like a scene from The Office US. I promise you. Going on a sales call together. Well, some would say that's why The Office is so successful.

Because it's so realistic. So he said, look, I like what I see with you. You're obviously outgoing. You're confident. You could probably do a good job of selling.'m gonna pay you up with ryan so he went and got ryan like i say ryan was a swept up kind of kid confident same age as me i was about 22 at the time and off we went in his car to a load of businesses and he had um in this really cool kind of suitcase and everything he had all this stationery all this office equipment and he

was doing almost like what david brent does in the uh when he when he gets fired in the um in the christmas special he says but it was like proper right it was um you go into a meeting room the meeting had been organized the big decision makers were there what type of pens do you want and you could kind of get behind it because you they'd all buy stuff in bulk yeah and you get a commission yeah right and it was easy they saw you as an equal. You were wearing a suit. They were wearing a suit. I had to borrow a bastard suit

because I didn't have one because I was travelling. Anyway, so that's what happened. It was a good day. We had a beer afterwards. It felt all right, okay?

And Ryan gave me a great report back to the gaffer and said, okay, brilliant. I think this was like a Thursday. Start on Monday, doing exactly the same thing.

We'll chuck you in the deep and you're going to be fine. Right. Brilliant. Okay, fine. So I went back to my mates. I was like, we've got a job.

The other two already had a job. Between them? No, they had a job each. And anyway, so Monday rolls around. I put the old borrowed suit on again. Go to this office. And he says, right, yeah, you're not with Ryan today because he's doing his thing.

And you're not doing businesses today. You're doing retail. I was like okay fine and he said go into the um warehouse and there should be a bag in there with your name on it so okay so i went in there got the bag with my name on it it's big hold all yeah he said come on quickly this is so intense i know the hold all say come on quickly come on get in the car and about five or six people i'd never seen before piled into this kind of extended minibus kind of car and i was chucked in there with them.

And we all had our holdalls with our name on them. And it was only when I was in the car, I opened the holdall up, and it was full of basically just junk. So it's basically like, I can remember the stuff that was in it, like about 20 pairs of scissors in plastic, a load of umbrellas that were really flimsy and cheaply made. Everything just piled in plastic. A load of umbrellas that were really flimsy and cheaply made.

Everything just piled in there. So these are the guys that go out and do it around my house when I used to live in Berkhamstead and I bought some secateurs for seven quid.

Door to door. There were ten pence secateurs. But this is New Zealand, right? Yeah. We were in the car. They need bigger secateurs. Bigger trees. We were in the car

for about an hour. Yeah. Right? Middle of nowhere. And it was a bit like literally when you go on a cheap holiday and the tour operator calls out your name. Yeah. Right, you're in this hotel.

He's like, Luke. Yeah. How you get? Right. And by this point, it's about nine. He goes, the driver goes, we'll meet you back at this exact spot at six. See you later.

Wow. You get a third. See you later. Wow. You get a third of everything you sell. I had to go anywhere I wanted to sell this stuff. Yeah. Right? And honestly, mate, it was completely different to what they had told me in the interview. I was selling stuff door to door, tat, door to door, into shops, into this. And the village, I reckon I went round all the shops

and houses in this little town in about two hours because obviously no one wanted to know and it was tiny and this is New Zealand mate did you manage to sell any?

I'll tell you I'll get to the end of the story about an hour out of Auckland this was and as soon as you get out of Auckland there's nothing right anyway

they ain't never seen scissors I ended up just becoming almost like single service friends with everyone in the town yeah I went back to every place about three or four times

right and by about the third time they would be saying alright how much are the kitchen scissors sorry because I got a third of everything I sold right

yeah how much are the kitchen scissors I was like oh they're 5.99 or whatever alright I'll have two pairs right and obviously I'll get a third of everything i sold right yeah how much the kitchen scissors i was like oh they're 5.99 whatever all right i'll have i'll have two pairs right and obviously i'll get a third of that yeah they will be paying me in coins yes anyway cut a long story short i sold everything just because you were just this this bad boy like messing around in someone's town and i sold the bag as well i did i promise you i sold the bag and you know why because screw them that's why

yeah i never went back I never went back. I never went back. And I thought to myself, I might go back tomorrow. But I was really tired. Yeah. And two, I thought, I'd like to go back tomorrow to tell them. But you know what? You pulled the wool over my eyes there.

Yeah. But I still did it. Yeah. And I'm not doing it again. And it just means, because I've sold the bag, you can't make anyone else do it tomorrow. You asked my two mates who came back from work after me, because they were doing shifts.

I was just sat in the living room on the coffee table counting loads of coins. I think I got like a hundred dollars worth of coins. So there you go.

That is the whenever someone asked me did you get something completely different to what you expected ever? The answer is yes and it was that.

One day's work no more. I didn't go back. I didn't find another job for the rest of the time there. Was it quite lucrative, though, would it be fair to say? No, $100. Right. Which, at the time, would have been about £35. Right, okay. For, we're talking about... So that's the full day.

You didn't get base rate. That wasn't, you know, commission on top. It was just, that's it. Probably 12-hour day, I'd say. It wasn't great. And, you know, joking aside, there's people that probably did do it every day. I couldn't do it. So I hope that answers your question. It certainly does, Luke.

It was chilling to revisit. Yeah. Oh, man. What about you? I would have thrown that bag in the sea and just walked home. Well, I mean, look,

you can't always know exactly what's coming. With Capital One, you will by using their quick check tool. You know right then and there whether or not you'll be accepted

before you apply and it takes less than a minute it won't affect your credit score or nothing uh it is 34.9 percent apr representative variable t's and c's apply we're going to be talking about my various trips to japan luke right here that's all right now the one thing that always tricks me when i'm out and about in uh the land of the rise this must be the home of the unexpected surely oh yeah i've never been to japan and i think of it about in the land of the rising sun. This must be the home of the unexpected, surely. Oh, yeah. I've never been to Japan and I think of it as being the home of the unexpected. Not a single hour goes by that you don't sort of go, I didn't expect

that that was going to happen to me. Yeah, yeah. Like your mate Chris, he said that when he first moved into Tokyo, whatever, there was a knock on the door and he answered it and there's a police officer and he went, hello, I am Japanese policeman. Did not expect that. Does everyone get a personal visit?

There was recently a little new story called the AIJ fax machine, as we call it, and it was basically a bloke had reprimanded, he was like a Singaporean policeman who was in Japan for a holiday, and a bloke had been up to no good on a train, and he'd basically reprimanded him, grabbed this guy, and they took everyone down the police station.

And at the end, the policeman went, you are tourists, no hitting people. He was helping out the police, unbelievable. But, you know, I don't speak Japanese. I know a little bit of holiday Japanese and I certainly can't read their writing system. This is very confusing. I know exit and I know hot and know on, and I know off.

They're the only words. And a beer is quite self-explanatory, isn't it? I know rice field. It's a square. Could you say beer? Yeah. And they would know you meant beer? Yeah, because it's just beeroo.

Oh, is it? But I mean, so the uptake. So for example, when I've been to Ukraine, we went to Ukraine, you and I. Yes, OK. And no one over the age of about 40 spoke any English at all. They wouldn't know a single word of it. Oh yeah, no, there's a lot of that around here.

There's a lot of not speaking English around here. It's a little difficult. Selfish, isn't it? Oh, they are very much an island nation. Yeah, I couldn't read the menu, I couldn't really sort of, and you know me, Luke, you've been in a restaurant with me, I would just

ask what I wanted and I'd panic and I'd order the most mental thing on the menu. Like last week I was in a steak restaurant, I ordered mutton. It was disgusting because I just thought, I've not had mutton in a while, let's have a bit of mutton and it wasn't very nice. We went for breakfast on the way to a football match once that we were playing in and you had a massive steak tartare.

If steak tartare's on the menu, it's gone in my mouth. That's just the way it is. That's the rule for life. You will, there is, I mean, I mean this with love, because as we've already mentioned on this particular episode, you're great at loads of stuff, but there is not a situation publicly or socially that you will not make worse.

Make awkward, yeah. For no reason. There's actually no need for it. I'll ramp it up to 11. I love it. I absolutely love it. But I, when I was in in the 7-Eleven, the little convenience stores on every corner in Japan,

I kept on buying. I really wanted some cheese because I knew I'd need cheese for two weeks. And I was like, my cheese levels are really low. Is the cheese good there? No, because I don't eat a lot of it. But I was like, oh my God, there's some cheese. And it was in, basically, a little packet.

It looked like dairy slices, little kind of triangles and stuff in a circle in a lot of it. But I was like, oh my God, there's some cheese. And it was in basically a little packet. It looked like dairy slices, little kind of triangles and stuff in a circle in a wheel of cheese. And like a bit drunk, kind of just opening up the little packets, just jammed two or three into my mouth. Oh, what was it? It was butter. It's not that bad.

It wasn't good butter. It wasn't very salty butter. It was just grease. It was just grease to me, quite frankly. It's not what you want. Yeah. All right. Well, I'll wrap this one up.

I'm in a restaurant. You've got another one. I'm in a restaurant. Does this happen every day? Pretty much, yeah. I'm in a restaurant. There's no English menu. I'm just reading the Japanese kanji.

Again, selfish. Again, selfish. And so I'm piling it. So I'm going for this different sashimi in this sushi restaurant. And it was raw chicken. Now, raw chicken isn't great anywhere. It's better in Japan because they're very careful about their salmonella and stuff.

But the amount of people I know, the amount of people I know that have genuinely gotten incredibly unwell, maybe it's a Wessner thing, like maybe we just don't have the gut microbes or something, but it's just eating raw chicken, isn't it? But the amount of people have been really put out of action by contracting salmonella.

But raw chicken is a thing in Japan. Little thin sashimi slices and stuff with like soy sauce and vinegar and stuff. It was delicious. It just tasted a bit like salmon. But was it delicious though? Yeah, it just tastes like salmon because salmon doesn't have a strong flavour. The chicken had enough chickeny flavour to it. But I only went at the end

and I went, what's this? Because for the same cause I've been expecting like a beef kind of teriyaki sashimi thing and it's actually been

horse meat which we all fell for in the late noughties in England in a lot of cooking. My beef with the raw chicken thing and it's something

Like a beef. Yeah. My issue with the raw chicken thing. Oh, lack of beef. Yeah. My issue with the raw chicken thing, and it's come up with listeners who are based in that part of the world that have got in touch with Lelouke and Pichon and talked about it. My issue is this, right? Even if you're not a sushi fan, a lovely sliced, thinly sliced piece of salmon,

which is fresh and delicious, and I get it, right And I get it, right? I understand it, right? Same with a, not a steak tartare, the other one. What's the really, carpaccio. Capaccio, right, yeah. Beef carpaccio. Raw beef, really thin, but it's delicious

because the texture works, the flavor works. There's nothing in that chicken for me there. There's nothing about chicken that makes it better when it's not cooked. It's not like a carrot where you go, oh, do you know what? I love cooked carrots, which I do. I also like raw carrots, which I do,

because they've got a different texture. They're a bit crunchier. It's nice in the salad. There's nothing about that with chicken. So I get that you thought it was salmon. I get that it turned out to be something completely different. It wasn't a very nice surprise. I don't get why it's even there

because I don't care if it's safe. If you were saying to me, here's some food I'm going to serve to you, right? Don't worry, it's completely safe. I've assumed that anyway. Why are you bringing that to the table? Now you're making me think it isn't. Do you know what I mean?

It's like saying, don't worry, this dog won't bite you. Yeah. Well, it sounds like it has. Yeah. I just think you haven't eaten enough raw chicken to sort of... But that's definitely true. Yeah, exactly.

That's why you're so damn healthy. All right, well, we've got some stories from listeners who've got in touch. Story number one, Paul. Thanks for getting in touch, Paul. I went on holiday to Lisbon a couple of years ago and as a tight-fisted Yorkshireman, I couldn't believe my luck

when I found a very reasonably priced three-star hotel on the outskirts of the city. We make the not insignificant journey from the airport to our hotel in the dead of night. I skimped on the flights too and arrive at the correct address weary and itching for sleep the liquid dinner at the spoons from manchester airport already beginning to wear off a lot of bad decisions being made here already to be quite frank i don't think you're allowed to say i didn't expect this because you've started badly um but we quickly realize that something's off. The hotel isn't there.

There isn't even a building resembling a hotel, just a row of squat villas. We check the street name. It's the right one. We check our booking. It's the right one. We check Google Maps Street View. Oh, no.

We retreat back into Lisman City Centre and settle down with our bags until the morning. It sounds like a fun anecdote, and we ended up getting a lovely Airbnb, but it was horrible, absolutely horrible. So, Paul, a hotel that didn't exist managed to book a hotel that didn't exist. How's that even possible? I do not know how they managed to do that on the outskirts of the city.

This taps in nicely to a thing that we've talked about before and something that I've always maintained, that the thought process for British people when it comes to a thing that we've talked about before and something that I've always maintained that people the thought process for British people when it comes to a holiday is I'm really stressed I need some time away or whatever

I'm going to book a lovely holiday and then the moment they've made that decision they then make loads of decisions after that to try and make it

as horrible as possible well we save money here Spells you on the night bus Spells you on the night bus to Heathrow He's typical for it but the thing is you may save

£50 yeah flying at 5am rather than 9am but you're going to be exhausted what's the value of that you're supposed to be

getting away for the weekend I know why I when I used to do my radio show on a Sunday afternoon I know why I was flying out at 5am

from Istanbul because I would be in trouble if I missed the show so it is just one of those things like if you've got a reason to do it

fine don't make it hard on yourself to change save literally 10 quid that is a terrible surprise though because like to turn up

and the hotel not be quite as good as you'd like and you take a couple of days to get used to it and you're like okay it's not so bad it's got a bed

the bed's fine it's got a bed. The bed's fine. It's all I need. It's got a locking door and a bed because I'm not really a hotel snob. No, no, yeah. But for it not to be there, I mean, your heart's going to sink. If you are standing there,

in my mind, Paul is standing there, a bag in each hand, really tired, staring into a empty building site. Oh, no. But, like, is he allowed to sort of

just sleep on the building site because technically he's bought a ticket for that particular experience? I'll just put my head down on this bag of cement. Where the hell is he from? Is he Yorkshire? Half Geordie. What about this then from Johnny? Johnny's been in touch as well about a time where he expected something completely different.

He says, some friends and I fancied going to the cinema in Thailand. Not very convenient. I guess it depends where you live. The taxi driver insisted there was a cinema, so drove us around in a tuk-tuk for 10 minutes in the pouring rain. He pulled up after that and said, oh, turn left. It's just down there. I can't drive down there.

We paid him for the privilege, turned left down the road, and found ourselves back at the hotel. I mean, that is very much thinking you're going to get a cinema experience and getting nothing. Yeah. You're going back to the hotel room. Was there a cinema at the hotel? Johnny doesn't say.

Presumably not. But I know that in Thailand and Vietnam, places like that, I believe the guys who ride tuk-tuks are on commission for different shops and stuff, aren't they? Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say. I'm going to take to my mate's jewellery shop. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whatever you say, they're going to take to my mate's jewellery shop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, they're going to take you there. I was in South Korea. We went to the demilitarised zone and the taxi driver insisted on taking us to a place that sold a lot of jade. He just wanted to sell us some jade. And it's like... What is jade?

Like a rock? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do you want that? I don't know. Build a hotel in Lisbon? It just seemed like, you know, we've just peed into North Korea and this kind of demilitarized kind of like

sort of Cold War going on from North and South. And then, would you like to buy some jade? And none of us did. We just piled back into the minibus. I'm surprised you didn't buy it. I know. Well, I resisted. I have no handle on what jade is, to be honest.

No. So we were expecting to go back to a hotel, but instead we got a trip to the Jade factory. We know for a fact that the price that you will put on something not being awkward

is about £250. Yeah. So that guy will be fuming if he hears this. Yeah, my partner very much said to me a couple of days ago

typical you you just throw money at the problem. I've just bought a house and I don't have any money. That was also a nice problem to have in a partner. Exactly. Let finish off with this story from katie who says um this is a this is a great one um once we thought my friend who sleepwalks had gone missing we led a search

party and called the police because he hadn't turned up after an entire day turned out he was asleep in the cupboard upstairs. You should, you've got no joy on your heart if you think, if you don't check cupboards when someone's gone missing. That's a first person look because someone's always trying to jump out at me and scare me. I think there should be a threshold

before you're able to call the police. Have you checked all the cupboards? Check all the cupboards first. Have you checked the house? Yes. Properly? Yes. Really?

No. Call me back in a minute. Brilliant. Oh, lordy. Really? No. Call me back in a minute. Brilliant. Oh, lordy. And there we have it. This has been a special episode of the Luke and Pete show brought to you in paid partnership

with Capital One. Remember that with Capital One, you know exactly what's coming. By using their quick check tool, the aforementioned quick check tool, you'll get 100% certainty as to whether you'll be accepted for a credit card.

It takes less than a minute and it's so, so easy to use. To find out more, just search Capital One. T's and C's apply. 34.9% APR represent a variable. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack production and part of the Acast Creator Network.