The Luke and Pete Show - Call the bigger boys

Episode Date: March 23, 2023

Pete had to delay recording this episode because he had a bigger boy in his house. You have to feel for the bigger boy having to deal with Donaldson’s D.I.Y-inflicted mess.Luke then raises serious concerns about whether Pete has been living inside his car and we discover that one of the world’s worst dictators currently has a passion for wearing hats. It’s truly baffling stuff…Have you had a bigger boy in your house recently? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow.We're also now on Tiktok! Follow us @thelukeandpeteshow. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the Luke and Pete Show I'm Pete Donaldson and it's a Thursday How you doing Luke Moore? The other part of the compliment of this show You alright? I'm alright thanks and I'm very pleased to see you Peter

I haven't seen you for a wee while and I'm pleased to have your company again I can barely see you because you're kind of like IRA informant on the news in the 80s. Oh, do you think so? Do I look a little bit dark? Yeah. The lighting in your room is very sort of like, you've almost got like rim lights in the same way. You look like it's the total Luke eclipse.

The light is just kind of shining behind you. And my face is like a gigantic moon. You do look like an informant at this uh present moment in time uh so look at what's been going on how's it all going are you having a stressful morning as me um you've had plumbing issues i believe and i don't know your water works i mean your house no yeah if only although have you had are you still getting up quite a lot in the middle of the night to go to the toilet or is that kind of abated now? No, I'm fine.

I'm usually, I've always been very proud of how little I urinate during the night and if you can't be proud of that, you can't be proud of anything in my opinion. I am proud of that too. I don't ever get up and go for a wee in the middle of the night actually. I've seen Jim Campbell do a wee three times

in a 45 minute recording of the Rumble. I'm just putting it out there. Jim has always been a a big weir he has like he's always been a big way a lot like ever since i've known him when i first met given the fact that when i first met jim he was what 24 maybe 23 even always been weaned even then always been weaned when he should have a supple rubbery bladder um clip that clip that sentence a supple rubbery bladder

what a horrible little sentence I would say this Peter if I may that the the line between you looking amazing and you looking like

Hitler is incredibly thin because today like last week I thought you looked amazing I'm having one of my Hitler days aren't I yeah today

you look like the guy not even just Hitler but the guy who played Hitler in that Downfall movie where he got all the awards yeah I'm considering

I'm considering losing the moustache because it's doing nothing for me and everything for no I think you just need to if you're gonna if you're gonna commit to the moustache which I think works

you're gonna have to be clean shaven elsewhere and you're not gonna you're gonna have to do your hair I look like I've been found in a pipe. Yeah. You do a bit. When they found Saddam in a pipe,

that's what I look like. What was wrong with your plumbing this morning? What was the big drama? Oh, the greatest plumber in the world, Hitler, got involved over the weekend to try to fix something. Try to replace some taps. Try to replace some taps try to replace some taps uh the tap uh connection was the wrong size i think it was aldi timey um you know three quarter inches

or some bollocks uh but what i actually it was like a 15 millimeter uh a connection uh i try to move uh remove a olive from the um compression fitting on pipe. Couldn't quite do that because I didn't have any of the tools. Why was there olive in there? I like my drinking water, I like it salty. So I pop an olive down the pipe. Fucking psychopath. Why was there an olive down there? Tell us why there was an olive down there.

It's a plumbing implement. It's like a little washer that basically helps the uh compression fitting grip the pipe so that's how little i know i thought you meant you dropped like an actual olive down the sink or something you'll have loads of you'll have loads of olives in your pipe work i reckon right but i couldn't get it off because i didn't have any of the specialist tools uh required and um i i cannot for love nor, get hold of a fucking plumber to fix the bloody thing. Until this morning, where Johnny, my neighbour over the road, he just turned up with a fucking plumber. Because I texted a few nights ago saying, does anybody know a plumber who will actually answer a phone or a text message or a WhatsApp or an email?

And they do say that the best plumbers you've got to wait for, the worst ones will arrive there and then. I suppose because they haven't got any other work. Maybe, yeah, maybe. Do you think you're struggling to get a plumber because it's you and your reputation precedes you, and they don't know what they're going to encounter when they turn up? I think they probably put a dog's dinner surplus on top of the amount of money I've got to pay.

Like, you've made a dog's dinner of this, Donaldson. Yeah. A Donnie Dog's dinner. A Donnie Dog's dinner. A Donnie Dog's dinner. I think it's a bit like when the ambulance dispatch get a call and they know there's a massive road traffic accident. It's going to be a bad one. It's a bit like that with you.

Pete Dawson's called a plumber. He's done what? Heaven help us. It's Eric LaSalle getting briefed for surgery in the TV show ER, where it's a five chili alert that everyone's going to be fucking working for the next 48 hours without any sleep, because Donaldson's got his spanners out. So you had to only delay today's recording by 15 minutes due to the plumber.

So presumably it was a quick job. It was a very quick job. What was he doing? I'm not doing that. See you later. Well, he just had the spanners. I didn't have the spanners. I was making do with a pipe wrench and a spanner

and it didn't really, it's not conducive to, you know, and the problem was the taps aren't isolated. So like I had to turn off all of the water when I was dicking about with it. So if I could have just turned off those taps, it would have been fine. But to fix anything, you had to turn all of the water off in the house, you know people don't appreciate me doing that mainly well one of the

weird things about this house which is amazing that there's a downstairs and upstairs and it's they're separate properties but it's ultimately just a house is that um no one seems to know how to turn the water off in this house and so there's nowhere to do it so the only way you can do it is by doing it out on the street which means you have to turn downstairs water off as well. Oh, I guess that is because of the history of it being one big house. There's a place where you would traditionally have turned the water off. This house was built in 1900, so it's quite old. But that's been seized up and abandoned.

It's not used anymore, not connected to anything. And there doesn't seem to be any other replacement. Could you not follow the pipes out to the street? Oh, we've done that, boy. When we had the bathroom done, the first entire day was two Bulgarian men trying to work out with

plans and following pipes where the thing was. And they had to just basically come to the conclusion there was literally nowhere to do it. There's literally nowhere to do it. What an interesting quirk of a home. Maybe just check your olives maybe this is olive related they said i've never even heard that word in that context until this morning so there's no chance of that so it looks like my dad's wedding ring they could they could just call it stewie donaldson's wedding ring not it's not as pithy

is it it's not no no what the bigger boy actually do? Always good for the listening community to know that one of us has had a bigger boy in their house. Yeah, it literally just took about five seconds. It literally just went, yeah, just give us a tenner. And he just went, and then...

A tenner? I'll give him 30 because he was saving my fucking bacon. You gave him fucking hell, Pete. Luke, I'd had three days of trying to get a fucking... I would have given him a fucking... That's a 200% tip.

I would have put my mouth around his plumbing if he'd paid it. You'd pay him many, many ways. I would have paid him in a million ways. And that is very much how most pornography starts.

That's too much. Yeah, it is. That's too much. It's what he deserves. It's patronising to him. I think that is... Stop patronising. I think you've gone

full circle there and not valued his profession with that. Right. You're saying, I've got so much money, I'll give you three times what you asked for

and I'm not even going to fucking remember it. That's disgraceful by you. No, but because he helped me out of a real hole. Give him 15. That's a 50% tip. That's a really nice gesture.

30 is gone. Like Lex Luthor stuff. 30 is like your Logan Roy in Succession. I shouldn't have popped it into his waistband. Into his bum. And then just walked out the house and got straight like Lex Luthor stuff. So that is like your Logan Roy in succession, just flaunting it. I shouldn't have popped it into his waistband, into his bum.

And then just walked out the house and got straight in your helicopter. Pathetic by you dogs. And that's a flex. You've inadvertently flexed all over a plumber there. I was on fucking, I was on a timer.

Like Sarah was clearly getting annoyed. I'm off to fucking WrestleMania next week. There was very good chance that she wouldn't have any water for two weeks. It's awful. No, but there's a difference between him going in his mind now thinking, oh, what a good guy. What a generous fellow. He really appreciated

the work that I do and what an arrogant piece of shit. And I think you've crossed that threshold. I got one of those little Supreme dollar bill guns and just fired it. Yeah. Yeah. So weight off your mind having it sorted though, right? I got one of those little Supreme dollar bill guns and just fired it. So it's a weight off your mind having it sorted. It is a massive weight off my mind.

I mean, I've still got to make some modifications. I mean, I didn't install the tap. So even if I'd connected it, there was water started coming out of the base of the tap anyway, which is something that I'll have to look at later on in the day. But the main job is over. We are connected. Just a couple look at later on in the day. But the main job is over. We are connected. Just a couple of gremlins in the system.

But it sounds like you had a lot of trouble with plumbing this morning. Well, not quite plumbing, just something a little bit different. This is going to be, for those of you who have a squeamish disposition, I would suggest that you pause or fast forward now. But one of the realities of living with two cats is that you occasionally get little presents first thing in the morning and um to be absolutely fair i mean i'm being transparent about it i've mentioned this before the part of the reason we got the two cats in the first place was because the whole block was riddled with basically riddled with rodents yeah

and that's not the case anymore because they've done such a good job that the lads and now they're in their dotage they're both nine this year, so they're kind of semi-retired from all that stuff now. But it's the only really efficient way in this part of the city to stop mice and rats coming around. And it does fucking work. But obviously the downside to that

is that occasionally you get a little present left. And this morning, a little bit of a hangover. I was in the pub last night with Rory and a couple of the team because i respect our producer pete and i like to um i like to uh appreciate him and buy him a pint every so often i buy him pints but i do it during the working day yeah you're not well you're not there he's just he's just working and i'll pop over the forming not brown on his desk and his desk and go, he says, where did you even get that from? Don't ask me any questions, I won't tell you. No, he just gets an anonymous pint turned up at some

point. You know how you can order from spoons to people's tables? Order it to his desk. To be fair to Rory, he's not here to defend, well he is here, but he's not on mic to defend himself. I mean, the man is a boozer, so he would appreciate that. He can put them away.

A bit of a fuss. to defend himself. I mean, the man is a boozer. So, I mean, he would appreciate that. He loves a Guinness. He can put them away. He can put them away. The, sorry, a bit of a fuss. It's not really a hangover. What I did last night is I went to the pub, had a few pints with the team and then, obviously, I live in South London

and the pub and the office was in North London. So, I had to get home somehow. But I just decided to cycle all the way back. Right. I don't know why. Probably just thought,

oh, can't be us to get on the way back. Right. I don't know why. Probably just thought, oh, can't be us to get on the train or the tube. Yeah. So I felt a bit dehydrated this morning is what I was going to say which is probably contributing to my hangover because most of the hangover is dehydration,

right? And so I stumbled into the kitchen, the dining room, kitchen diner thing. I opened the door to let the cats out or whatever and there's just a fucking half a mouse on the rug

and blood everywhere. I was like, for fuck's sake. And there's just a fucking half a mouse on the rug and blood everywhere. I was like, for fuck's sake. And the thing is, the weirdest psychology about it, for those people who don't own a cat, you probably won't fully appreciate it. The psychology of it is really odd. It almost becomes like a weird game that you play with them. They become like hyper aware, hyper active.

They're really conscious of your reaction to what they've done. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they start making weird noises. They don't make any other time. What? I've got this for you. Yeah, basically. Not that that is actual words, but basically that noise.

And if you don't make a fuss of them, or really kind of show them appreciation or whatever, they go mental. And they also can go mental if you move the mouse. They start sniffing around for it, scratching the floor. Don't touch the mouse! Don't touch your gift! It's just a sensory overload.

It just sounds like they're bad at giving presents, I think. Well, this morning, this was about 7.30 this morning. It's now, what time we're recording, it's about 10.30. It's three hours later. One of them's only just settling down now. Oh. So their characters... This is weird. Their characters. So I had to clear that up, disinfect it, get rid of it. 30s three hours later one of them's only just settling down now oh so they're they're characters they're characters so i have to clear that up disinfecting all get out get rid of it all the

rest of it and poor little mouse but i mean you know what you're gonna do i know it's terrible my brother-in-law's got a real bee in his bonnet about cats because he's a big environmental guy big nature guy and i think they're particularly bad for certain types of wildlife and he's always bossing about it i'm sure it's the case I'm very very sorry about that but we don't want to live in a house full of mice so I don't know what the solution is because the traps don't fucking work

they're also quite inhumane if you get humane traps and you catch the mice you've then got to take them I think over two miles away or they can in theory find their way back I heard five say again

I heard five that's how i got a car mouse that time when he ran back in the car and i was like oh great i've got a car mouse now and where is the car mouse still in the car no i'm toasty warm on the engine i managed to i managed to shoo him off i got a fucking i had a flat tire last week everything's going off luke and i and i use some of that stuff that you um you know, they don't give you spare tyres anymore in a car to help with fuel efficiency. And, you know, it's just a needless bit of heavy material you don't need. They give you like a can of like just expanding form that you pump into your tyre and make it go.

That sounds delicious. It's so interesting. I don't know how it it works um it made my finger go very cold when it was on me i think it might be rather dangerous but um but you yeah you bash it into your tire squirt it out you squirt it into your mouth like squirty cream i there was i i wanted it to be like you know that expanding form that you put like around duct work and stuff like i thought it might be like, you know that expanding form that you put around duct work and stuff? I thought it might be something to do with that, but no, it was very much just this kind of weird, kind of cold sort of, you know, like hair mousse or something.

Did it work? Yeah, it really fucking does work. It's amazing. And it blocks the puncture, and you're good to go for a little while. So what do you do? You squirt it on the outside of the tyre? No, no. You pump it into the tyre.

So you connect it like you would if you're inflating a tyre. That's fucking mad. And you just click, you break the seal on the top and it just goes... You lap on the back of your car, I'm sure, instead of a spare tyre. That's incredible. I had no idea about that. Can I just say when you came round my house the other day

in your car, your car was when we went out to your car to load some stuff into it under cloak of darkness and your car on the inside was a bit mental what do you mean it's quite chaotic i mean what of what part of that surprises you would you it's just football kit and DIY stuff, really. Yeah, but it wasn't just that, was it? It was. It was just that. There was loads of clothes in there. Yeah.

It's like you've been living in the car. Have you been living in the car? It was. That's what it looked like. It wasn't. It wasn't clothes. You make me sound like a blumming murderous trucker. I'm not saying you are a murderous trucker. I'm just saying, if I may be so bold,

you've got an element of murderous trucker energy about you. No, it was... What was that? You know, like a Viz top tips or letters to the editor or whatever. Letterbox. The letterbox, yeah. It was like, people sort of... Truckers have a really bad reputation,

like being, you know, just constantly murdering women. But I met a trucker once who just gave me a bag full of ladies' clothes for free. Not all bad. So that's the vibe that you're trying to say is the back of my car, just full of people's clothing, like I've murdered people. There is a few pairs of trousers in there because when i play football i change out my trousers bang them in the back of the car and then they just they just stay there

and then i wonder where the trousers have gone they're in the back of my car but i think there should be a limit really so on how many acceptable limit on how many pairs of trousers are in a man's car right what if you are a fashionista what if you are what if you're superman what if you're superman what if you're the trouser collector of Sheffield? What then, Luke? What then? I just felt like, because of the type of person I am, when you open the boot...

I'm not judging you. I know it sounds like I am, and I know people think I'm... It's a utility vehicle. I have no interest in making my car look good. It's not a utility vehicle. It's a Fiat 500. It's tiny. There's no utility at all about it.

It's disgusting in there, and I don't care. It's like I'm getting from one place to the other. I don't care it's like I'm getting from one place to the other I don't care what people think about me I'm driving a Fiat 500 maybe when I get my Tesla or whatever

maybe I'll have a bit more pride in it no I'm not going to get a Tesla what because of Elon? no just because I can't charge it I don't have I've got

off street parking or I don't what's off street parking? no off street parking's the good one isn't it? I don't have off street parking off street parking would be like a driveway or a garage yeah so a man so apparently the uh the clues in the name something that i'm kind of like experiencing

quite a lot recently is and i've spoken about before the guy who owned the house before uh bit of a botched merchant but he basically says that to fucking treble pay a plumber this morning in the year in the year it's a plumber jackpot. In the year that he was selling the house, they did a loft conversion. They did a lot of work in the garden. You know, they put a lot of stuff in quickly, not particularly carefully. And so there's a few bits and bobs where you sort of go, right, I mean, that looks like it was rushed slightly. And I don't think it's important who used to own my house. That looks like it was rushed slightly. What's his name?

I don't think it's important who used to own my house. He's in Norwich now. I just want you to use the first name. It might be funnier. But you don't have to. Carry on. I honestly can't remember, to be honest. You know what I'm like.

I can't bloody remember his name. Nice bloke, though. Anyway, he basically bribed, I believe, a council official, and that's probably why I shouldn't be saying his name, bribed someone who knew somebody who knew somebody

about getting, basically, his front, because we've basically just got a little, I think you call them a palisade, or how I would call it,

a porch or whatever. Courtyard, you call it, don't you? Yeah, courtyard, sorry, yeah.

A palisade, is it palisade or palisaden? I've never known sorry yeah a palisade is a palisade or palisade and i've never known either side i think palisade right palisade well depends what you're talking about it's just a little front bit of yard in it like there's no defense though it's the fence that surrounds it i think yeah it surrounds the fence yeah it surrounds the little front yard basically got a little front yard and basically. You've got a little front yard. And if you were being charitable, you could probably fit a Fiat 500 or a Mini on that kind of footprint of the yard. But nothing more than that. Right. Because we've got bare windows.

And the few houses down the road do have this feature where you can park up a Mini or you can park up a car or whatever. And so he bribed this guy, like a good grand, to come round and basically, you know, give that money to someone else at the council to come round and ratify his yard as like a, to be able to have a, you know, a car parking space. How do you know he did this? Because he told the neighbour and the neighbour told me. Right. And so like he, and apparently the guy who was,

you know, the guy got bribed, the guy who bribed, the guy who bribed, who got the bribe, gave it to the other man from the council, and the guy drove up, looked out of his window, and went, nah, and didn't even get out of the car, then fucked off again. What, really? I can't give you this, I can't give you that as a, it's too small, it's way too small. So, yeah, they basically, he basically can't do that.

This guy sounds great. He sounds cool. He's taken bribe as a front-centre. He's rocking up and giving the thumbs up or the thumbs down from his car window. He sounds like a kind of... I reckon he works for the local council but would wear a cowboy hat. He's definitely a hiney man. Yeah, definitely a hiney man.

So, yeah, that's why I can't have an electric vehicle because I don't even know how to charge up outside of the home. Some people on my street, they run cables out from their houses. Do they? Across the pavement and then charge their car like that with a bit of carpet over the cable so people don't trip over it. I thought that. You could sort of run a cable and use one of those little yellow and black

kind of plastic doohickeys to kind of get the cable across but I mean you can't be doing that I mean you legally can't be doing that you can't just put stuff in the streets

that people are going to trip over no one's going to care though are they Mr Fucking Rules no one's going to give a shit this is the thing about London no one actually cares when I cycle around London, and if it's really busy,

and the road's really busy, or there's no cycle, and it feels a bit dangerous, particularly through Brixton, I'll hop up onto the pavement and ride on the pavement for a bit. And I've literally ridden around police officers before. And I never fucking say anything.

The police officers in London, I've got nothing, they've got so much to do, they just don't want to fucking bother with the little stuff. Well, yeah, you just kind of... So they're not going to fucking check you for that. They ain't going to check you

for running a cable out to your car. But we're out in the sticks though. People have complaints about everything. Where you are, you'd be fucked. Yeah, yeah. Because I remember back in the day where I grew up in a little small town, the police behave... And obviously i understand this is you know i understand the metropolitan police

have just had that casey report which is obviously horrific so i'm not defending london police but i'm just saying their priorities are very different when we were um when we were growing up in a small town on the south coast the police would be up our asses for everything all the time like just because there's nothing to do and i remember it got to the point actually once where one of my friends put in a complaint an official complaint which was upheld of a police officer in the local town who had such a fucking hard-on for my mate because he had this like he's quite a nice car and he'd done quite well on his job as a young man so this police officer had a fucking issue with it and it got to the point where the harassment was so severe that the police officer pulled him out of his house on christmas

day right in the middle of christmas lunch to measure his tire uh tracks to measure his tread and his tires and then hit put him a hit him a fine because of like a couple of millimeter down or something on christmas day i mean surely there's a paper trail there crime is a crime if you're constantly sort of just seeing off one particular pup yeah he got fucked for it he and and he at no point had my friend ever been convicted of any crime so he got he got reassigned i think it's just yeah we talk about that late 90s so i can't remember the actual detail but why was he so annoyed because the guy was they've got loads of more other stuff to deal with which by all accounts they do terribly at the moment in quite a racist homophobic and

sexist way but nevertheless they've got a lot to do yeah the um i think with um uh i think with with where i live i would probably just I would run a cable across but then I would compact dog poo around it and that's the thing that people seem to be mainly bothered about yeah they wouldn't be

fuming about that and they've got every right to but that's mainly the Facebook you know Leon C South End kind of pages they're just obsessed with

people not picking up after their dogs but have you started picking up your dog's poo yet or not? I just pour water on it to make it a lovely little smoothie. Right, we're having a break. We're having a break. You also like dog poo smoothies.

We're having a break. We'll be back in a minute and we'll do some batteries because it's Thursday, so see you in a sec. On each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in.

Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton All Access Membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. All right, it's time for the Look at Pete Show Part 2 on a Thursday, and that means batteries. Bloody loads of bloody batteries. There was a lack of worthy battery submissions

in the inbox this week, so we asked our Luke and Pete Twitter community to send us their batteries and see if they can discover a new player. The results were mixed, but there was an interesting-looking submission from a man called Joseph. Joseph, hello, my friend.

He's come in with ProPak. No message, no pissing about, just a couple of beautiful black and gold ProPaks. Do you like Joseph's style? Just not even bothering putting a message? I think Twitter's much maligned, but if we can kind of open that

particular olive pipe to pop some batteries down that would be absolutely cracking and you know batteries will fit down a 15mm pipe

I reckon well we should definitely double check that I have to get the plumber back down because I was jamming batteries into my pipe

do that after the show yeah there's a blockage in your pipe Mr Donaldson you are going to struggle to get water through there there's 342 AA

batteries in there yeah that's where i keep my batteries next that's where i keep my batteries where do you keep yours it's like a vending machine because the water pressure they just fire out far around yeah far about then you just make then you just make the plumber a cup of tea and as you pour the kettle out just these batteries go into the mug around the seat back um joseph whoever you are you're the you're the scarlet pimpernel of this show you're just a you know you're a you're a Scarlet Pimpernel of the show. You're a hiney man. You're a guy who just blows in with the breeze.

You've got no explanations for anyone. You live under a leaf. You live in a grand piano. You can't be pinned down, baby. You're on to your next thing. They are new players. No one has ever sent in Pro Pack batteries before, according to our records.

So congratulations to you. That's quite the flex. Congratulations on our brand new player. All right, all right, all right. Well done, Jonathan. Yeah, he's definitely got a bit of Matthew McConaughey about him, hasn't he? Hear my batteries. Jack, Rocket Alkaline.

Getting some soul career. Just before I head off on a trip to the DMZ, I thought I'd do what really mattered and check the hotel TV remote. Behold, Rocket Alkaline batteries. Fingers crossed for a new player. Cheers, Jack. I was on a lot of, not antihistamines,

what's the ones that, antibiotics, when I was in Korea. And I had terrible, I can't even remember, to be honest honest but I had terrible acid reflux when I went to see the DMZ and it's that always makes

me think, always reminds me of bad acid reflux reminds me of the demilitarized zone between North and South korea and also reading about the dmz just always makes me go oh is the dmz would you say the acid reflux area of the world it is because i guess i mean acid reflux is just um you know uh acid your your body reacting to quite greasy stuff so you know oil and acid not really mixing properly, I suppose. So, yeah, DMZ, kind of North Korea, South Korea.

Who's the oil? Who's the acid? Who's to tell? Do you think that old Kim Jong-un is getting a bit vexed because he's not getting the attention anymore because of what's happening in Ukraine? Well, I've noticed he started wearing a cool Park Pai hat, which we've not seen him in before and he's got his daughter out who who reportedly is upsetting a lot of um uh north koreans uh because she's quite um she's quite full-faced let's say and uh the north koreans uh starving as they have been for a long

time because of the uh dictatorship there and um and i mean i would say have you seen any of the other leaders of North Korea they've all had fat faces they've all been big old chunky chunky boys haven't they really is it not a pork pie

it's more of a fedora isn't it is it alright fair dues I think a pork pie has got a very kind of a lot thinner kind of consistent brim right

whereas it looks to me like Kim Jong Un has been watching you know kind of like a 1930s set like detective movie he's been watching the adjustment bureau

it's his favourite film some kind of gumshoe offering from the Hollywood studio but anyway Rocket Batteries are so old as a player

they were first sent in by our friend Chris Maples on the 23rd of October 2017 oh well never mind

enjoy the DMZ though Jack enjoy the DMZ, though, Jack. Enjoy the DMZ. Finally for now, Keith Campbell, Golden Power. I'm absolutely certain this brand has been submitted, but I had to send it in because its origin seems right up Donny Street. Behold, a Golden Power, which is in the remote for a Fart Machine 2, a.k.a. remote-controlled whoopee cushion,

gifted to us by my in-laws. I have no idea what improvements are going to be made to necessitate a second version of the fart machine, but here we are. All the best, Keith Campbell. Maybe it followed through. Yeah, I liked that you're called Keith. I liked that it came from a fart machine.

I think, but on the other side of that, you are patronising not just us, but our listenership as well. If you think for one second, golden power is going to be anywhere near a new player but it just goes to show you there are different reasons for sending them in but i like the idea there's a fart machine too i reckon kim jong-un probably is the type of guy who would laugh heartily at a fart machine yeah i mean i would say yeah golden power yeah

i completely agree and it'd be exactly that sort of tech that would be kind of in his wheelhouse you know you know like how like the north korean um like operating systems are all right rips of like linux or apple mac kind of copies um yeah i think the fart machine he probably goes where is this amazing technology coming from absolutely yeah he really does i reckon he probably enjoys a fart machine i reckon but you think that like i mean looking at the picture of the fart machine it's quite it looks like an old kind of 80s maybe remote control i think i think in the same way that like modern uh engineering and technology is has brought on the commoner garden um lady or boy uh vibrator um i garden lady or boy vibrator.

Lady or boy vibrator? What are you talking about? Just say vibrator. Just say vibrator. All right, fine. But there are so many different models now, and they're all controlled by apps and all this stuff. And I just look at that fart machine,

I sort of go, I think we could do with a little bit of innovation in the space. That's all. Yeah, no, I think that's fair. I think it's sad that we i just i i i think it's sad that we can't have a world where it's like it just looks like an old uh like an old beeper or something it's horrible stuff you see that um kim jong-un has also been spotted wearing what i can only be just i can only really describe it's almost like a an oversized panama hat as well right okay so i think he's been watching some cowboy movies or something.

He's experimenting with hats. I mean, yeah, I think the dictators of the world, they need a globe, I think, you know. So am I right in saying that the reason that people

don't intervene in what's going on in North Korea, which is absolutely horrific, is because China insists on having like a bulwark country between them and South Korea?

Yeah, I presume that's part of it. So they don't want on their doorstep like a flourishing democracy. Yeah, I presume that's part of it. And obviously China are kind of propping them up, aren't they, I suppose. That's why they're propping them up, right?

Yeah, yeah. And so no one can really do anything. It's terrible, really. Because the Sanctums only really hurt the people. They don't hurt fucking Kim Jong-un, do they? No, no. I think there's an increasingly small amount of people who are actually benefiting out of that whole situation. Fucking get rid of this little fat cunt.

And I speak as a big fat cunt myself. So I'm allowed to say that. You've not had a go with a hat, though, have you? My head's too big for that. So basically, it's pros and cons, really. I always tend to look okay in sunglasses because my head and face are so big hats are a problem right okay yeah fair fair you're probably the opposite you've got a little tiny head haven't you yeah nothing looks good to me absolutely

nothing oh don't be silly but listen that mustache and stubble is tough for you at the moment but it's not always the case sometimes you look great anyway let's get out of here we'll be back on monday for more of this stuff. So have a lovely weekend. You're almost there. You almost made it to the weekend. If you listen to this show on your commute into work on a Thursday, you've only got one more day after today to go.

So stick it out. You'll make it for sure. And if you're working shifts and you're working across the weekend, I'm sorry to hear that, but try and enjoy your days off somewhere else in the week because that's how it works, right? You get a nice quiet weekend when no one else is around

and you can make the most of that. Sit in the pub, no one will be in there, it'd be great. Go to the park, everyone will be at work, fantastic. We know how it works.

Have a lovely weekend nevertheless. Peter, say goodbye. Goodbye, farewell. See you next time. And we hope Pete's plumbing issues tend to just hopefully at some point

resolve themselves without Pete having to intervene too much. it's goodbye from me as well and we'll see you soon bye the luke and pete show is a stack production and part of the acast creator network