The Luke and Pete Show - Can we please have our money back?

Episode Date: January 23, 2023

In some classically poor Luke and Pete Show admin, Luke has a gift for Pete on today's show that he was due to give him 2 months ago.In similarly poor levels of admin, Pete gets a takeaway delivered to him in the middle of today’s recording and an anonymous listener gets in touch to tell us that they worked for a delivery company that accidentally managed to lose half a million quid. Oh dear…Do you have your own story for the consumer advice daddies? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

happy birthday tiffany amber theusen i remember um um the tv show saved by the bell hope you're having a lot of fun with your friend zach morris um uh bj mr bel Screech the late great Screech and everyone else really I suppose in the Jessie Spano which she's not off her head on pills

like she usually is what are you talking about what Jessie Spano she's always off her head on pills pet pills so she can study

for the big test who remembers I'm so excited who remembers Tiffany Amber Pearson's turn in the 1999 vehicle Speedway Junkie?

Crime drama written and directed by Nicholas Perry Now Speedway, is it the sports Speedway or just a road Speedway, a Speedway road Don't really know anything about it, I just saw it on there and thought that looks like an interesting romp I can't remember anything else Tiffany Amber Pearson, when you said that then

I only just stopped myself instantly saying, Baywatch. Was she in Baywatch? I don't think she was. She was in, I think, a reboot of 90210. I think. Right. I think she went on to do that. Good on her.

You never say her out. The name of that show is The Zip Code of Hartlepool. It is, yeah. I mean, it was when I was trying to get into age-gated stuff when I was a kid. Sometimes you had to type in your zip code. Oh, your zip code. Your zip code and your date of birth, and it was like 90210, baby.

Are all your passwords still 90210? 90210, forever flavor. Hashtag hang time. Hashtag get real. Hashtag cowabunga. There's only one way to start the Luke and Pete show today, and that is to do something on an admin level that I forgot to do many months ago.

Okay. So when I was over in the US, I talked a lot about LC's 3D printer, didn't I? Yeah. And you seemed pretty interested in that. I did. You're interested in 3D printers generally, aren't you? What's your interest out of 10 in 3D printers?

It's not, I'm going to submit, it's not high, but I think it's fascinating that it's kind of given, it's sort of brought the power back to the people, I suppose,

a little bit, hasn't it? You're a man of the world, you're a man of the people. Exactly. And when we were there, what I didn't tell you was that me and LC set the 3D printer

about its work and we printed you out a little present. Do you want it? I do want it. Good. A little wallet. I saw it on a long lens.

There it is. The 3D printed card holder, Pete. Beautiful. What do you think about that? I just can't believe that it has the tensile strength. It has the strength of a thousand wallets.

Yeah, it does. But then it also has... I think you have to take that bit of plastic in the middle out, I think. You what? I think there's a bit in the middle

you have to take out. No, it's alright. The fibres will be fine. Oh, that bit in the middle. Yeah, I've got to separate the fibres there. Yeah. Oh, so it's like

a little sort of mess. So you've got to get a knife in there, dig it around and pull out. Which is your favourite thing to do, whatever it is. I love jamming a knife in there.

You've just seen it with a beef joint. I've just seen him there. Yeah, it's fantastic. There you go. It's really good stuff. That's from LC via me. I'll file down those,

I'll file down those fibres, those tendrils. That's the most recent present LC's given you since that NASA t-shirt. It's very lightweight as well. Thank you very much, LC. That's very kind of you.

He says, I mean, he's not here, but he would say, undoubtedly, you're very welcome. He's welcome. Yeah. So what welcome. Yeah. So what a great start.

What a lovely start. And what else would you like to see LC3D print for you? I don't know. A little figurine of you. Some self-respect. Some self-respect. Remember when I made that... New career.

Remember when I sent off for that 3D printed picture of Jim Campbell from the Ramble? Campbell from the Ramble. Yeah, what happened to it? It was like a bust, wasn't it? It's in my house and it keeps, every time I get something new on the shelves, my partner sort of moves it further back.

So he's kind of retreating into the shelf. You don't want that to not make the full journey to Jim, do you? I mean, for some reason, why would that stay in your house? No, I don't know. Well, I think I showed him and Jim, he didn't want it. He was disappointed in me. He was like, he basically said,

why this? Why this now? Why have you done this? But I scanned his head using my mobile phone and then, yeah, we printed out a little Jim Campbell.

Because Jim's quite, not nervous, because that sounds mean, but quite a sensitive person. Yeah. And so he probably immediately thinks, why are you doing that?

Yeah. What's the reason for that? I think Jim, compared to someone like Jules Breach, professionally, I would say, has nothing to lose.

And that's only comparing him to Jules Breach, right? Why? Because Jules is so good? Jules is so good. Well, no, she's got a lot of jobs.

You know, she's got a lot of people who could, you could put out a job. That's a really mean thing to say about Jim. That's not at all. Like, as in,

like, Jules has got like lots of, like, you know, jobs that she could get in trouble from. Jim's kind of eked out a career where he's nobody's boss. Eked out. He's not got a boss, basically. Yeah. But Jules, because she's on loads of different TV stations, she does have to be careful about what she says sometimes.

Sometimes, right? And so when working with Jim and Jules, what makes me laugh is the last time we had something a bit spicy in the show. What was it? Jim, I can't remember, but Jim was really worried about it. Right.

I think it might have been salt beer throwing salt on Pele. Pele's corpse. And Jules was laughing her head off and she wasn't bothered about it, but Jim was. Right. And I remember sort of thinking Jim

who's going to tell you off yeah you're more scared of people on Twitter than you are an actual boss and I think that's topsy-turvy quite frankly so what does that mean

for the bust that you got him he doesn't want it no it's in my house and I just worry about it in his defence though it's quite weird having a bust of yourself

in your own house I'm not stabbing it or anything. No, but I mean for him. I haven't damaged the eyes. No, for him. Well, like a voodoo doll. No, someone turns up at his house and it's the first time they've been to his house and he's got a bust of himself.

Like some kind of, you know, like Brendan Rogers type character. That would be very, again, as everything I've just said, it's kind of everything's, that would be out of character I think for Jim. He's not a man who's up himself, is he? Are you saying it would be out of character, I think, for Jim. He's not a man who's up himself, is he? Would you say it would be out of character for me? Maybe. To a lesser extent. Let's make that very clear.

Peter, one of the best things to happen... Rory, my food's here. Can you go and grab it? Why did you do a delivery when we were about to record? Because you usually piss about. So I was like, well, I've probably got ten minutes. What do you mean to record? I didn't, because you usually piss about, so I was like, well, I've probably got 10 minutes. What do you mean by that?

I didn't have 10 minutes. What do you mean? You always go, I'm just going for a wee, or I'll go for a cup of tea, or I'll go and talk to somebody. I've got a phone call. There's always something,

which is fine. Put those things in order that you're less annoyed about. What do you mean? What are you most annoyed about? I want you to never piss again. I just want a big balloon. Jim goes for pisses a lot.

He does, yeah. He's a notable pisser. Do you get up in the middle of the night and need to go for a piss? No, never. I don't either. No, I'm quite pleased with my... But that's quite rare for men of our age.

It is, yeah. It is, yeah. I always go to bed with an almost full bladder. I'm just like, I'm going to fucking duke this out with my own bladder. I'm going to be like, I'm going to wake up every five minutes and go and chittery go to the loo. Oh no, so you do need like, I'm going to fucking duke this out with my own bladder. I'm going to be like, I'm going to wake up every five minutes

going, should really go to the loo. Oh no, so you do need to, you just refuse to go. Well, I'll go for what? You'll get bladder,

you'll get one out of me an hour before we go to bed but I'm not getting up again until I wake up covered in my own piss. Do you, what's your kind of general kind of

hydration routine in the hours preceding bedtime I think since I've got a soda stream it's it's really

took its toll on how much I need a piss right because what I'll do is I'll cook food and I'll put loads of like MSG

or it'll be a Chinese or it'll be KFC so it'll be something very salty and then about two hours later I'm like fucking hell I'm like,

fucking hell, I'm so thirsty. How has this happened? What kind of recipes have you done on the soda stream? Just water. Just fizzy water. But I give it, they recommend like three pumps.

I like, I'll bang it like six. So that when you actually kind of, you take it out of the machine, release it from its pressure. It takes your breath away. Because it's just pure carbon dioxide yeah yeah

it's exciting though isn't it yeah don't bring it into the studio Rory you can't eat it in here for goodness sake yes delicious for goodness sake

delicious thank you Rory yeah that's way outside your job description but thank you we should not if there's any employment lawyers listening

you should be not you should not be doing that thank you very much though yeah on Pete's behalf I make you a cup of tea every morning so have some respect Thank you. If there's any employment lawyers listening, you should not be doing that. Thank you very much, though, on Pete's behalf. I make you a cup of tea every morning, so have some respect. But making tea's all right, isn't it? Making tea's all right, isn't it? I've had three this morning.

I made one on my own. One on your own? For yourself? Yeah. Oh, sorry. Prince Charles with the new pair of socks every day. Fuck off. I've got the fingers as well,

which is why I can't make my own tea, because my fingers are just like King Charles' fingers. Yeah, big sausages. I was telling my sister about that the other day and I said to her, you know about King Charles's fingers?

She's like, no. Yeah. And I was like, it's a thing. It's a thing, isn't it? It's the fingers, yeah. It's a thing. She's like, oh, show

me a picture. I showed her a picture and she was like, well, that's photoshopped. I was like, that's not as real as his actual fingers. And I realised I was

actually showing her the one of someone who photoshopped it with the sausages. Oh, right. And I undermined my own argument. She didn't know

what was up and what was down after that. That's her first exposure to the fingers. Yeah. Maybe she might think they are actually

sausages. I don't know. But do you reckon he's sort of like, do you reckon he, you know like those bodybuilders, you know those shit

bodybuilders that aren't actually bodybuilders, they don't do any work and all, but they inject their muscles with that Lysol oil,

that kind of oil stuff. It's like a weird oil solution, yeah. Yeah, it's weird oil. And, you know, bodybuilders do that anyway to give them a bit of pop at a competition. You don't want to pop them, do you?

You don't want to pop them. I mean, they look, I mean, most of them just get fucking horrible cysts, but they sort of, but they just keep injecting because it pumps up the muscle. But they just look like these out, like, really sort of mischievous and monstrousing because it pumps up the muscle. But they just look like these really sort of

mischief and monstrous things. And they're pretending that they're sort of working out all the time. Look at my muscles. Should you be laughing about that though? Yes. Isn't it a disorder? What do you mean? Body dysmorphia kind of disorder, isn't it? Well, I think, well, you sort of go and look at people who sort of have bad like just go overdo it with

the old botulism, you know what I mean? It's vanity at the end go overdo it with the old damn botulism you know what I mean it's like it's vanity at the end of the day isn't it botulism do you mean Botox yeah

what do you think Botox is botulism is it yeah injecting fucking botulism into your face I didn't know that was a thing is that a thing

yeah it makes the body go oh god I'm gonna I'm gonna puff out the old puff out the old face like Brooklyn Beckham's cooking channel what

yeah I mean yeah I mean, that steak that he cooked looked awful. Even for you. Even for me. You love it raw, don't you? Baby, I like it raw. So one of the best times of the year, I think we can all agree, was that last week London Zoo started their annual stock take. Right.

Okay. Like Noah. take. Right. Okay. So it's going like Noah. Yeah. Exactly like Noah. Although he had his work bed a lot easier for him because he only had two of everything. So it was pretty easy. But every year, the zookeepers at London Zoo,

they count the thousands of animals at London Zoo. And it looks like an amazing job. And I'd like to, the problem is, I guess you can't pick and choose. Because if I turned up and volunteered, and I said, I just want to do.

The stock take. The chimps. Right. No, not just the stock take. You wouldn't even do the full stock take. I ain't doing the centipedes. The crickets. The crickets?

No. Did I tell you I once, so I told you about my annual month, it was a monthly thing for a year, taskmaster thing my mate said. You've told this story three times on this podcast. What, crickets? People are going to kill you.

Crickets? Yeah. Okay, yeah. It's good though, isn't it? This isn't like you. I'm the one who forgets things and repeats stuff, but I would usually let you do it, but I think it's three times now.

Now I frighten myself. Anyway, back to the stock take. You bought a load of crickets on the internet. Yeah. Bad guy. And sent them to someone. Bad lad. You're a bad lad.

Imagine if it was an invasive species. They shouldn't be selling them then. You're like Jimi Hendrix's parakeets. That's not my responsibility. If I'm going to buy animals, I want the law to have taken care of that. What do you mean? As in in like,

you need to be protected from yourself effectively. No, I just think that I should be operating within the parameters of what's acceptable. Right, okay. I'm not going to go and buy something from,

you know, from sub-Saharan Africa or something and bring it here or from Australia. If you can buy it at pets at home, you're allowed to port it

to somebody. If it's a UK address and I've bought it from a UK-based site, I should be scot-free, shouldn't I? Yeah, but I mean, there's degrees, isn't there? Like, if you went to a butcher's and bought half a fucking cow, right? Or half a pig or whatever, right? I'm fairly certain you can do that.

You always see a man up at the back. You always see a man up. Just give us one of them. And you just threw it into a Yorkshire bank like that's I mean that's not necessarily win the lot but it's not like

a confusing crime people would be like what's the angle here exactly so what have they been up to what have the Yorkshire bank been up to

I don't know but I would say that like you can do it like you've bought the pig and you've thrown it in the Yorkshire

and you've carried it around the York you've carried it around a Yorkshire bank, right? It's not illegal. I'm a Santander man by the way. Alright, if you went on Santander wearing the carcass like when the man out of Star Wars climbs in that beast. Or the guy at the Capitol building with the... Exactly. So if you wore

the pig's sort of carcass over the top like an exoskeleton, right? And walked around Santander going, I just need to process a check. I just need to process a check. Yeah, exactly. And so he's bringing checks. Old relatives. What are you doing for them?

Yeah, it's legal, but it's kind of like, this is a bit naughty. It's a bit antisocial, I think. I should have got a whole pig carcass and posted that to someone. Yeah. Instead.

That's more threatening, though, isn't it? Filled with crickets. Genuinely, they are both vegetarians as well. So I couldn't have done that. Well, at least they were alive animals. But it's just a nuisance. And you've consigned those crickets to a confusing end of their lives.

Would you like the zookeeper's job of the stock take? I would, but I think I would very much like some guarantees that if it all went wrong, I wouldn't be held accountable. Because if you had like three tigers and then you've only got two, I don't want to know, I'm leaving. I'm leaving immediately. I'm like, where's that one gone? No, we did them this morning.

We've definitely got three. What's going on? I don't know why they need to do it for everyone, every species. What do you mean? As in like... Does it matter if they've got 19 penguins or 20? I think you've got...

Yeah, but you've got to buy... Presumably you don't feed fish individually, so you'd have to measure so you can up or down their amount of food that you're giving them every day. But what I'm saying is... You can't feed 20 penguins with 19 penguins' amount of food. But if one of them's gone missing, they should have noticed before that. They're going to be...

You can't rely on that once a year. What happens if they die in February? What are you going to think? 11 months to realise. Nothing's as good as skinny penguin feels. Looky more over there. No, but what I'm saying is, okay, penguins is a poor example.

What about butterflies in the butterfly house? Right, okay. How are you keeping a handle on that anyway? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know how you, because they look like stick insects. I can't find any of them. Like loads of sticks.

Nobody talks about stick insects anymore. They were so big in the 90s Hartlepool scene they used to be a big pet in the 90s yeah in the 80s 90s

they used to be horrible looking things they looked like sticks they didn't do anything they were sort of padded around but people went through a phase

because you never see them naturally in England no never I've never once but maybe that's the point why were they here maybe that's the point

but they're not native to the UK are they no why are they they shouldn't be here we can't just let No, never. I've never once... But maybe that's the point. Why were they here? Maybe that's the point. Yeah. But they're not native to the UK, are they? No. Why are they here? Well, they shouldn't be here. We can't just let them out. Yeah, they're not native at all, I don't think, anyway. People went through a phase in the 90s

of getting pets that they didn't have to do anything with. Right. That's what happened. Tamagotchi. Exactly. That's the apex, the apotheosis of the genre.

Right there. The Tamagotchi, that's never really made a comeback or are they still big in Japan I think they did I think it did come back about a year and a half ago Tamagotchi

Tamagotchi oh Tamagotchi yeah it's egg I didn't realise that that's why it's egg shed right

what's the otchi bit at the end I don't bloody know you should know this by now I don't know and speaking of that part of the world, by the way, do you see South Korea have changed the way they measure people's age?

All right. I never even knew this was a thing. Yes, yeah. I would say in Japan it's even more confusing because people's sort of date of birth depends on what emperor's in fucking power. Tell me more about that. What do you mean? That's the limitations of my knowledge.

Right, okay. But literally when you see the date of birth, it sort of says the 43rd year of the Meiji era or whatever. You know, it's kind of like, it's all... So they don't use the traditional Christian calendar? I mean, why should they? No, I'm not saying they should. But it's just kind of confusing when I literally was in a cab

with a taxi driver who looked about 99 years old and his card said he was 99 years old or 89 or something. I was like, how is he still driving a cab but he wasn't actually quite as old he just looked like absolute shit

smoking in his cab but in South Korea apparently you are one year old at birth yeah that's adorable kind of it does make sense

yeah in a way adorable I'm not saying I don't want to be culturally insensitive here but the world being the way it is now

it would lend itself to having a bit of uniformity on that kind of thing because people move you can't really get away with that so it used to be that and now they've changed to our system or the system of the rest of the world have they?

I guess they have because now it's going to be from birth which is what everyone else does, I suppose. Yeah. I mean, I will say it doesn't matter because they always look pretty good in Korea. They look absolutely... I mean, it helps that plastic surgery is everywhere,

but... Is it really? They look absolutely smashing for the longest time, the Koreans. It's really... And plastic surgery is a big cultural thing there. Yeah. Yeah.

I didn't realise that. All right, anyway, let's have a quick break. And when we come back, we are going to do maybe a couple of emails. We've got a couple of other things in here for people to listen to. Peter, which is basically the name of the game. Yeah. We've also got some consumer and some more consumer advice as well. So that'll be something to look out for.

So we'll see you in a minute. It's the Luke of Beach. I'm Pete Donaldson. And yeah, keep it short, Luke. I'm hungry. Oh, yeah. Bloody yeah. what did you order by the way? A honey poke, it was kind of weird Hawaiian sort of... You really do live the brand, you and John love that poke bowl place.

I do, I've got John into it, it's delicious. Honey, I'm home, it says on the side of the bag. Dan Heron on Twitter, we are at Luke and Pete Show on Twitter. You Dan Heron? Yeah. You come back here you Dan Heron! Sounds a bit at Luke and Pete on Twitter you Dan Heron yeah you come back here you Dan Heron sounds a bit like an insult doesn't it

he said he's taken issue with the fact that a couple of weeks ago I said Rockset are better than Pulp he says Rockset are better than Pulp

is the maddest thing I've heard on this podcast and my god is that saying something and can I just can I just make that completely agree can I clarify this

do you mind if I clarify this I just think it's just going to be another torrent of nonsense yeah it probably will be so you right you might as well

crack open your pokeball I said that for a couple of reasons one is because piss me off more than two reasons one of them is definitely

to annoy you because I find it inexplicable that you say Pulp are your favourite band yeah but on the one hand I do kind of get it

because I look at you and I go yeah he would like that kind of stuff that kind of stuff that kind of stuff yeah just like you know apologetic

beta male how is it apologetic it's very beta male all of the songs are about him fucking mums are they on Sheffield

council estates it was him just basically dressing himself up as this legendary swordsman so I'm coming around to it now Sheffield sex city

I find Jarvis Cocker a bit annoying yeah he is annoying but you're annoying because you're everywhere aren't you you know this legendary swordsman. I'm coming round to it now. Sheffield, Sac City. I find Jarvis Cocker a bit annoying. Yeah, he is annoying, but you're annoying because you're everywhere, aren't you? You know.

Yeah, he is annoying. He is annoying. Yeah. Fine. And I also think the Rocks that have got stronger singles,

they're much better singles. They're a much better singles band than Pol Pol would say. I mean, that's been road tested, I would say. I mean,

they're not better singles band, but I think they're, you know, they're more of a pop a pop they're more of a pop act they're more of a you got very

confused by your Scandinavian pop bands on that episode I did yeah I cleared it up you didn't clear it up that's the thing you didn't clear it

up it was Asa Bass man yeah I know but I did yeah but as long as you you're allowed to say stuff but as long as you clear it up

immediately legally I think it's alright. But I don't, I didn't feel, being empathetic for a second, if I was in, who was it? Roxette. Roxette's camp. I'd be annoyed. Yeah. For five minutes they'd be like, oh, it's fine, it's

fine. On the phone with their lawyer, it's fine. He meant it's a base. Yeah, they are wrong. Yeah, I know. Make it embarrassing us. That's fine. We're guilty by association yeah they are wrong yeah I know make it embarrassing us that's fine we're guilty by association what's Peter, Bjorn and John done? they push through who into a geezer?

so confusing an analogy isn't that Iceland? yeah it's all up that way isn't it Sigur Rós say Sigur Rós Sigur Rós they're Icelandic aren't they?

that's what I'm saying Peter, Bjorn and John where's Peter, Bjorn and John? they're not Icelandic mate well Peter, Bjorn and John where's Peter, Bjorn and John they're not Icelandic mate well Peter, Bjorn and John yeah neither are Roxette oh you're saying

the geezers are from yeah are you saying there's no geezers in Sweden surely there's got to be a few Iceland is known for it next to a fjord

the only two places I know from direct experience about those do you say geezers or is it geysers geysers, geezers I think Americans say geezers

geezers is Rot it geysers? Geysers, geezers. I think Americans say geezers. Geysers. Is Rotorua in New Zealand and Iceland. Right. And I played football for a couple of guys in New Zealand who fell into one of those and really badly burnt his leg. I mean, what's he doing near it? He slipped in. He's about 14 mucking about.

Mucking about near a geezer. Unbelievable. Slipped into one. We've all mucked about near a geezer. We have, yeah. Can I change the subject entirely? Yeah. And say that you know I'm a fan of the documentary maker Ken Burns.

Yes. Do you know that or not? Is he related to Giza Burns? He did the Vietnam War, which is that nine-part series on Netflix, and he did the Civil War, which is a massively famous documentary series in the US. He's just pulled another one out. It's on iPlayer now called The US and the Holocaust.

And it is about America's treatment and behaviour and activity around the treatment of the Jews leading up to the Second World War. It's very, very interesting. I recommend it. It's three two-hour-ish episodes

let me guess don't cover themselves in glory not exactly no same way they treat the Japanese in the US

that's mentioned it's not a shiny example but it's very very interesting very insightful and for example and I learned about this anyway before but

it's really interesting to think that in the 19 so obviously the second world war started in 1939. In the 40s, so after war is broken out in Europe, there are properly out, openly anti-Semitic businessmen like Henry Ford

building vehicles for the Nazis. Yeah. And the Nazi policy at that time was because it was a nationalist operation, of course, was that companies that operated in Germany at that time had to refund their profits back into the country. Right. So you weren't allowed to take any profits out. Okay.

So the point being that for something like Ford, Henry Ford's Ford motor company, they weren't even doing it for profit. No. They were just doing it because... There was no profit to be had. Right. They were just doing it. Yeah. was no profit to be had. Right. They were just doing it. Yeah.

Isn't that weird? That is weird. Given the American narrative around the fact that they essentially, along with the Russians, helped the West win the Second World War.

Isn't it so weird to think about that? I mean, yeah. It's just endlessly... I don't know what goes wrong in your brain. Maybe it's like a fucking night of oxygen

when you're born. Like, that anti-Semitism seems to be very alluring to people. Yeah. It is, isn't it, though? Consistently.

I don't know. I don't know. It's like sort of going, oh, I hate these ghosts. Like, they have no, I have no concept of what, where,

where it comes from. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I got, like, I moved down to London and I could not tell you who was Jewish and who wasn't Jewish and what characteristics anyone held.

And I guess that's just risen. Was there any Jewish profile in Hartlepool? There's a Jewish cemetery, which I didn't even know about. I just don't know. Of course there is. But like, again, you just fucking don't know. But obviously in London,

you see like Hasidic Jews and it's just a bit more visible, I guess, in certain areas, like where Iic Jews and it's a bit more visible I guess in certain areas like where I used to live in North London but like your treatment of Hasidic Jews has been well documented

yeah I know obviously it's just me trying to atone for my hate crime several feet in the air several thousand feet which doesn't make it okay international airspace

is not an excuse work for the money plan that's all I'm saying for popping a blister all over a Jewish lady popping a blister all over a Jewish lady anyway itping a blister all over a Jewish lady, yeah. Anyway, it's worth watching. If you're looking for something to watch

and you're torn around on the iPlayer, I would recommend that. Obviously not a very heartwarming story, but an interesting one nonetheless. My wife always laughs at me, says I only ever watch stuff like that. Grim stuff. I don't know why.

Maybe I am interested in that kind of thing. Maybe because my life is pretty good. Pretty good, yeah. Yeah. Maybe. Anyway, here's good. Pretty good, yeah. Yeah. Maybe. Anyway, here's another email. We want to keep anonymous about Wayfair. Okay.

It's more Wayfair. I've already tapped into something here. No, you've just mentioned Wayfair. So everybody else who's got... We're not fucking Watchdog. I feel like Dominic Littlewood. It's a potential death trap. The little bald fella.

I feel like him. And a bit of Martin Lewis alright yeah cool Martin Lewis is doing a podcast on the BBC now is he? what's he up to? ironically he can make

loads more money doing it outside of the BBC money saving expert yeah fucking Lewis you idiot you're saving the BBC money by doing that on a retainer do it for Santander

yeah do it for for any podcast company that isn't the BBC he says hi Luke I mean it's going to be a man isn't it um he says hi like i mean it's gonna be a man isn't it so he says hi luke and pete please keep me anonymous because um i don't want people to know who i am off the back of luke's experience with wafer i wanted to share a story of how i can completely believe wafer managed to fuck up like this and i can imagine luke was one of thousands

who experienced the same thing meaning wafer have lost out big time um the company i work for does deliveries for various furniture companies and one of the services we offer is a seven-day delivery service where customers can pay for home delivery to arrive within seven days of the order the day they make the booking is cast as day zero within our company so technically it's eight days after the booking is made when a customer pays we take a pre-authorization for the full delivery fee from the customer's card, which is held by our payment provider company until the delivery has been marked as completed. We almost always waited the full seven days to deliver,

so we could batch as many items together in certain areas to maximise the route efficiency. This is eight days after the customer has placed the booking. However, our payment provider only holds the full delivery fee for a maximum of seven days. So by delivering eight days after the customer placed the order, our card authorisation has expired, meaning we couldn't take the payment when the delivery was marked as completed. No one in our company picked up on this for over two years, meaning that for tens of thousands of deliveries, we never actually took the payment, totaling over half a million pounds of revenue in two years. Come on.

I love when really successful companies have these massive fucking holes in them. I love them. Love it. He finishes by saying, our company decided that it would be a good idea to message all these customers, some a full two years after the event,

and ask them to pay for their delivery retrospectively. It's safe to say, not many people did. Not many people paid. How is that? It's so good. Good luck with that one, big man. I would have paid in full. Not many people paid. How is that? It's so good. Good luck with that one, big man. I would have paid in full.

I would have paid double. Would you? Yeah. What, because of the confrontation? Scared of the police. The police aren't going to be bothered with that. The police are going to come round and go, give them £20. As we heard about on the football round the other day, they're targeting people who are

illegally streaming Premier League games. They are, yeah. They've got time. That's the thing about that kind of thing. That's why I ran the gauntlet with Enterprise. Yeah. They'll walk away eventually. They've got...

Have they got... Have ACARs and the advertising companies now got the AI thing where they can listen to stuff to hear what you're talking about and then target their advertising more effectively? Not quite yet.

It's fine. Because bloody warfare. There's a good chance Enterprise could come up on this. You reckon? And they could go... They've mentioned Enterprise all the time. We should advertise on the show. Oh, really? And Enterprise could come up on this. You reckon? And they could go, they've mentioned Enterprise all the time

we should advertise on the show. Oh really? And it'll be the opposite won't it? Yeah okay. It'll be me telling people to not use

Enterprise. Which they shouldn't. Who's on the shit list? Wayfair and Enterprise. My friend Duncan's got an amazing blacklist of companies

that he sticks to. Okay. Nice. Okay. Like religiously. Yeah but. One of them is Amazon. Really?

And he's never used them. That is making your life quite difficult in 2023, one would suggest. It's a running joke with us. Right. You can't ever send like, he has to really think about birthday presents, where he'd get them from and stuff.

That's a nightmare. Otherwise British Airways, he's got a big thing about them. I quite like British Airways, it's always been good to me. One of them he took on behalf of someone else because they were rude to his friend's

disabled mother. And that's Marks and Spencer's. Can I say all this stuff? This is not slanderous is it? No.

I mean again with a lot of these kind of like fringed situations I sort of go I'd love to see it in court. Yeah. I mean if we got a car it'd be good for

us wouldn't it? You have a bit of trivia apart from the swimming yeah the money we got to pay out

the other bit of the trivia about him is that he lives in the same road as Justin Lee Collins remember him yes okay nice okay yeah

what's he up to now just I was getting people sending me crickets I imagine I don't know wrong address wrong address I bought myself a

moisture meter today on Amazon what's that for to detect moisture. I understand that. Why did you buy it? Because they've got rising damp in the back room, which was clearly covered up by a previous owner.

Didn't come up in the survey? No, because they're a waste of money. Well, no, it did come up. And the previous owner explained it away as there used to be a radiator behind it. A radiator? It might have fucking helped. It might have dried out a bit

yeah speaking of the survey we had a massive crack open up in our house after that drought in the summer right

and the guy came and looked at it and he was like to the untrained eye it looks bad yeah but you don't want

it you're like that's a crack all the way through the wall of my house what as in like the bricks? Yeah.

Complete, wow. There's a filet of giraffe and everything. Whoa. Yeah. That's exciting. Yeah, it's covered by home insurance,

but he said that, it's one of those things, isn't it? If you, I don't know, if you're a doctor and you see a broken leg, you're like, okay. Piece of piss.

Yeah. If you and I see a broken leg, that should not look like that. That's on the wrong way. Yeah. And he turned up and was like, oh, yeah, that's fine. It'll be all right.

Knit the brickwork back together. I'll be fine. Knit the brickwork back together. Yeah, they put these hexagonal kind of ties in. Right. And it encourages it to close up and then they plaster it. Like a broken ball?

Cement it. Yeah, basically, yeah. Exciting. He was saying to me, this guy, as a running thread on this show. Was it cracked through the bricks or were the bricks still... What part of this can't you grasp?

The crack. Was it like, were the bricks individually cracked or was it just a separation of the mortar? Individually cracked. Whoa. So through the thick outside wall. Well, what's happened is it's built...

You're trying to do that Levi's advert from the 90s. It's got to run through the wall. No one will get that. it's built on London clay. You can try to do that Levi's advert from the 90s. Try to run through the wall. No one will get that. No one will get that. It's because the house is built on

London clay and it dried out in the drought in the summer and it moved and it cracked the brick work. What happens is,

what tends to happen when it starts to moisten again, it expands and the crack closes a bit. So if you listen to this and you've

got a crack in your brick work, get someone professional to look at it because you cannot just fill it yourself. No. If you fill it yourself

and it closes again, it's bad news. Don't do that. Right. So you've got to wait for it to settle, basically, and then it can be repaired. But the guy who turned up,

who obviously I found quite an interesting fellow. Who did you ring? Like a builder's firm? They put your home insurance come, call your house insurance. And they recommend someone or they just bring them in?

They sent someone. They sent a loss adjuster out and a building expert, a structural can call your house insurance. And they recommend someone? They send someone. They send a loss adjuster out and a building expert, a structural engineer. Oh, interesting. Yeah. And I said to him, you do a lot of these claims. And he said, look, in South East London, it's everywhere. So basically my whole day, every day is taken up by this.

It's just brick. And he said to me earlier this morning, I was at a house and it had a crack in it so big I could put my hand through it. Nice. And he said, but the houses are so well built around here they won't fall down or anything. It just needs to be fixed

because it looks a bit rubbish. Yeah. And it's a draft. There's a draft coming through basically. Whoa. That's exciting. It was quite exciting but my wife was really upset about it.

That's our house. Yeah. That's our house, Luke. But the point I was going to make is that that didn't come up in the survey. No. At no point in the survey, which I fucking read

because it was the first house I bought, did they is that that didn't come up in the survey. No. At no point in the survey, which I fucking read, because it was the first house I bought, did they say it's built on this subsiding London clay. And no one said that. No. And also I had to have the roof fixed as well about three years after I moved in. So they're not doing anything, these fuckers. They're just ticking boxes. That's why you're rising damp.

That's why you're rising damp, sort of. Didn't get detected at all, Peter. Got to drill a big hole in the fucking wall now. Are you going to do that yourself? Oh, Donnie's going to fix it, baby. You're not going to get a bigger boy? Nah.

I've got some damp-proofing rods I'm going to fucking drill the fuck out of the wall. Do you know what a damp-proofing rod is? Looks like a glue stick. And is your partner I think, yeah,

I think this one might, I think this one was the one that worried me the most out of all the things. You're still doing it anyway? I'm doing it anyway.

Got to drill, haven't I? When are you doing it? Tomorrow. Report back. Report back. That'll be great. Yeah. I think I'll be fine.

I'm going to test it. When I get back off holiday, I'll test it again, see if the rising damp has dried out a bit. So you drill a hole in, put these little glue sticks in. So these glue sticks, I think it's like a chemical that will spread out across the mortar in a line effectively. They'll just discourage water from rising from the floor, the depths, the briny depths. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. You've got my support there. I can't wait to see how that turns out. Well, bearing in mind, when I pulled off the skirting board to install these rods, they'd clearly packed up a hole in the wall

with some shit cement and where the mortar had come out of between some of the bricks they'd just jammed a bit of wood in like a shiv just put a bit of wood in

don't do anything you're not comfortable with Jesus Christ I'm comfortable with everything she actually said that don't do anything a normal person wouldn't be comfortable with

right let's get out of here go and get your go and get your go get your poke bowl um we'll see you all next time um thank you very much for listening hello at luke and peter.com is the email

address um keep sending your consumer your consumer subjects in yeah and uh we'll speak to you next time and at luke and pete show on the social media as well say

goodbye peter bye bye goodbye from me too. Bye-bye. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack Production and part of the ACAST Creator Network.