The Luke and Pete Show - Cat Race

Episode Date: October 3, 2022

Is there anyone that doesn’t find classic ventriloquism terrifying? That is the question we are faced with on today’s show. Elsewhere, we hear about Luke’s cat's particular drinking habits, a listener that spotted a rogue Pete Donaldson in the wild and we help a member of our community that is about the start a new job. Can we offer you some advice on anything? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I've had an absolute stinker this morning. Basically, one of my cats will only drink out of a specific tap in the bathroom. Right. And then when we had the bathroom redone, his world was turned on its axis. And so he was then frightened. Because cats are very, they need to be familiar. So the reason when you see them rubbing their faces on stuff and everything, they can't really relax until they walk into a room or whatever

and they feel that pheromone they can smell themselves when the bathroom is completely removed and put back in again it's new and he had no idea what was going on and also the cabinet was a bit higher

which mucked up his sense of perception and everything and only now has he started to being able to drink out of the tap again beforehand

I used to pick him up and put him in front of the water fountain and hold him there until he would drink some of it because otherwise he'd get dehydrated um because the only other thing he'll drink out of is um puddles in the garden if it's not raining there obviously there's no puddles so um yeah just an absolute fap but now he's obsessed with the new tap and he puts both his front paws in the sink which normally puts muddy paw prints on it's just a it's just a fucking endless nightmare people think cats

are really easy they did their own thing it's fine they're a pain total pain he sounds a bit thick look they're both right

and the other one sat behind me now because every time I shut the door so I could do the show he kept scratching and meowing at the door because he wants

to be in here let him in here he's not making any noise he's there he's having a little wash yeah he's not going he's not making

loads of noise can't you hear him having a wash that's not making he's not going, um, um, um, um. He's not making loads of noise, is he? Can't you hear him having a wash? That's you licking your own microphone. It's disgusting. Luke and Pete show. Here we are. We do the intro, so why don't you pick up and do the intro? One of the one of Luke's cats can only tell the truth and the other one can only tell lies and they both refuse to use

the taps properly and that's why I have burgers for dinner every night because I don't know what to do exactly welcome to the Luke and Pete show two men in the room talking about sod all to be quite frank and that's how we fucking like it it's a companion show isn't it just for people just to go do you know what there's a couple of people out there worse than me they can't hold down any job so what should i worry about it they're obsessed with batteries and and that's about it really that's the only is that our only through line um something we talk i'm pilots and and and general aeronautics um asteroids and fucking batteries i think i think crucially the crucial the crucial thing about this um about this show that i failed to really take into account when we started doing it is that

all the things that i'm really interested in you're not really that interested in and vice versa but what's actually happened there is we end up teaching each other about stuff i mean all the information we teach each other is wrong but yeah i just stolen from youtube and i would like to um i would like to start today by saying that i was absolutely bloody delighted and very happy to meet in person the sports horn lads yesterday oh right yeah yeah yeah anthony richardson and mark davidson yeah that was a thrill every now and again they uh the the the press uh that we get for sports on uh they put an errant D in there, so they call him Mark Davidson. Yeah, I can imagine that's annoying.

And I imagine it happens a lot if you've got the word Davidson in there sometimes, or Davison rather. Yeah, lovely lads. We're on episode three by the time you're listening to this, pretty much. And it's going well. We've had to go back and re-edit a show where we used the term Prince Charles 57 times.

I mean, who could have seen that coming? Who could have seen that 96-year-old monarch would eventually at some point pass away? Yeah, so we've had to re-record that. Did you redo it? Did you make them do like 50 King Charles instead or did you just completely can the show? I made them do 50 King Charles

and then realised that is untenable yeah I mean what we could just do is go you know how this sort of thing works we recorded this

before the Queen died don't worry about it yeah everyone calls him Prince Charles anyway yeah they probably and my granddad was telling me

on the phone the other day that a lot of people this is probably one of his old man jokes but he was saying that a lot of people just thought um king charles was ill right because of the three three after his name and it actually looks like the word ill king charles ill oh so people were saying that um oh the queen's died and now what king charles is next

like straight away kind of thing it It's like the presidential aides. Oh no, the president's got aides. No, because that's spelt differently and that is a preposterous example. It's not a preposterous example, it's exactly the same. It's in the same ballpark as your nonsense. It's spelt differently though, Peter. Just tell people who are listening who may not know exactly what Sports Horn is, just in case they want to check it out.

Sports Horn. If you've ever listened to underwhelming uh british uh talk radio or sports radio um i've been on it listen to it i mean it's talk spot it would take the piss out of talk spot basically um and uh basically yeah it's it's it's a comedy show a sitcom uh based around a fictional sports radio station uh featuring uh the exploding heads uh who are a comedy duo who you will have seen on based around a fictional sports radio station featuring the Exploding Heads, who are a comedy duo who you will have seen on Twitter. You just will have done. And even if you pretend that you haven't, you have.

It's a bit of a coup for you, Pete, getting them in the stack stable because obviously I imagine a lot of people would have been after them. How did you do it? Tell us the secret. How did you charm them? I mean, you've got a screwdriver in your hand

right now while we're recording. So is that something to do with it? Why have you got a screwdriver in your hand and then tell we're recording. So is that something to do with it? Why have you got a screwdriver in your hand? And then tell us how you wooed them. Being a busy boy, to be honest, I've not even used this screwdriver this morning. It was just in my pocket. I've become a dad that just has screwdrivers. It's not a small screwdriver either, is it?

It was just in my pocket when I got up this morning. It's not the size of it. It's what you do with it anyway. It's what you do with it anyway. I was installing an oven last night. The oven went kaput over the weekend. Yeah, can I come in on that? It was quite unsettling

knowing what you know about you. I know you as well as most, perhaps better than some. And I'm sitting there just watching Bake Off that I recorded from the night before, having a nice time. I've had dinner. My wife and I sat on the sofa.

And you were going, I wish I had an oven. Got a photo. Got to do my own baking. Got a photo my wife and i sat on the on the sofa and you were going i wish i had an oven got a photo do my own bacon got a photo message from pete donaldson on the whatsapp that's always a that's always a worry always a worry because one it could be do i want my wife to see it i don't want the wife i've got access to to see it um two what's he done and then when you see the photo pop up and it's just a photo of an oven and you saying i've saved 100 quid by installing my own oven i'm straight on the bbc front page of the website looking for one of those photos from aerial photos of a house that's just disappeared because of a gas explosion yeah i think um yeah but i was just very surprised that um curries uh

seemed i think it was curry you got it from well ew ow um i think it's uh terrible that they force you they don't force you but they say look if you want us to install this oven it's 100 fucking knots yeah all you gotta do is put a fucking plug on it and then fucking slide it in if you've measured it right measure twice by once and all that yeah i'm paying 100 quid every time because i just don't it's the safety net aspect of it yeah but it's not like they're insured for it if it burns down the house it's you you know it's it's it's the it's hot point that are on the hook but they're all in there in my in my shell of a house with a pissing rain

going at least i'm insured i'm going i haven't got a house but i always sort of look but i always sort of uh it's all sort of like a frame like a burning frame of a house and the cats are in the rats are still in the sink yeah yeah we're just staying here i would i would have put the fire out but the cats drank all the water out the tap but anyway just because we keep digressing and i get i get criticism a lot on this show for not keeping you on message. Just tell us quickly, Sportshorn, it's out every, what, Tuesday? I don't think anyone has ever criticised either of us online. I don't think people care enough, Luke.

It's out every Tuesday morning for the morning commute. Have a listen. It's a lot of fun. In recent memory, one of their number shaved something offensive into their own pubes. The next episode was trying to fish a kinder egg out of a dog's bum. The next episode, I think, might involve Titus Bramble and Sean Longstaff reading a kid's book. And it's just a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun it's a lot of fun even if you don't like sport even if you don't like football even if you've never heard talk sport

um it's just a bit of a giggle really and there's actually um talk spot presenters who've like retweeted the sports online which is amusing i wouldn't do that i wouldn't do that if i was employed i was speaking to mark yesterday and uh he was saying that it's actually born out of love it's like you out of love. It's like, you know, they wouldn't be able to do such an accurate parody of it, which I think it is very accurate, actually, without being well-versed in the subject matter, by definition, right? So in many ways, it should be seen as a kind of, you know, as a piss take. Not from my end. I had to fucking listen to about five days of it.

I was on TalkSport for two and a half years, with a bit of respect. Didn't listen back then. I was the 14th, probably the 14th or 15th best presenter in the daytime slots. Yeah, I know. I know you were. But anyway, it is worth listening to.

I think if you like The Ramble and you like Luke and Peachy, you will like that. It's basically just clever, funny, surrealist comedy, I would say. Yeah. Episode 15 is entirely broadcasted from a chemical toilet. Yeah, with Frank Lampard, right?

Frank Lampard makes an appearance, let's say. Yeah, he's involved. Obviously not the real Frank Lampard. When you just said then, oh yeah, I don't think anyone really criticises us because no one cares. Right. Your timing couldn't have been worse

and I'll tell you why. Because I was, this is the thing I probably like doing the least of this job. I was forced by Charlie and by the social media team to do my first 11 for the first game of the World Cup.

And what they make you do is they make you do an 11. They put it on the graphic. They said you've got to do it because it's part the graphic they do they said you've got to do it because it's part of the social media plan you've got to do it it's part of the social media you've got to do it

yeah so I'm in a position I can't you know this as well as I do you can't make the people who are actually working really hard jobs harder by refusing to do stuff

right correct so I had to do it they put it in the graphic they put it online the reason I hate doing it is because hell hath no fury

like someone picking a team that's slightly different to the team that they would have picked so endless

endless shit the only thing that got me through it was that Marcus was worse Marcus' team was worse so I got away with it so what was the main issue

I noticed that your teams were almost entirely identical. Tamori at the back and a couple of other changes from what Gareth's putting out, spaffing out at the moment. What was the thing that made you so upset?

Oh, a nice way of showing that you know absolutely nothing about football. Oh, yeah. Cheers for that. Oh, yeah, because he does play on the right oh yeah uh oh what because yeah it's just endless crap and of course i ignore it of course i just mute

and move on but what i'm saying is you're telling me i don't get any stick and i do i'm just worried about like because i go on twitter and you know you have a little giggle about what yeah but you think you're too cool for social media these days don't you but you but you go you go on twitter it's like it's like a wasteland because you've muted everyone yeah it's just like it's like uh um i am legend it's like there's just no one around yeah i run i run my twitter like a tim pot african dictator but everyone has to agree with me or they get they get muted and i'll tell you why because it's not a fucking public service it's my Twitter account and I use Twitter because I want to read stuff from people that I think

are actually interesting I don't want to end I also mute and then it's mute town if you don't if you don't if you don't follow me I don't even see your mentions

so it's like honestly mate I'll curate it as I want I think that's the way I think that's the way forward I really do I think it's a really sensible way of doing things

and you are and you are someone who thinks you're way too cool for social media you post i don't i just i just i'm just not very good at it so why why bother i think you i think you you're still struggling to get over the painful loss of vine yeah i am and i've and i've i'm still a couple of people actually pointed out uh on twitter that um i'm yet to do my celebrating magic trick I'm going to buy on the internet. Yeah, I've actually wrote out my notes for today.

I've got to mention that. And also I've got to do my first and only TikTok with the little car thing where the man pulls his pants down. But I've got to do it quick before people stop using masks. Rory needs to get on the case and start hassling you for this. The way you get away with it is Rory's so busy anyway that he hasn't got time to corral you.

He literally cannot put... I think it would be demeaning for him and demeaning for his work rate generally to have to write in his daybook, need to get Pete to do that pants-pulling-down-car trick on TikTok. I don't think he should have to put himself through that. He's a young man.

He's got his life ahead of him. Well, I dragged him in on a sports on a little social video a couple of years ago. He was playing producer who provides Ian five ankles with a cup of tea. Nice. Really big stuff. That's not a stretch for him. No, no.

As a role, because he does make a lot of very good tea. So good on him, I say. Peter, I wanted to bring this in as a conversational topic so i was out in um london last week and i went to go to see something which i think i'll probably talk about later in the week so i don't talk about what it is specifically here but on the walk i saw a blue plaque on the wall and so and this is a great example of things that i'm really interested in that you're not yeah and that is like looking at blue plaques. I would probably walk around London on a blue plaque trail, probably.

I am interested in blue plaques, but I don't know what it is. I just never see one that I've got any idea who the hell they are. It's always like the inventor. Brian Harvey one with the baked potatoes? Well, it's just like, it's always just like, yeah,

the George Michael smashing it in snappy snaps one. No, it's like, it's always like, the, it's always like a writer

I've never heard of or a celebrated scientist and they live there for like one year and I'm like, I know nothing about chemistry of the 1800s. I just don't know anything. It's a great excuse to get a little notepad

or get your phone out, make a note of the person and have a look later when you get home. Yeah. I mean, obviously you are way too busy being a bigger boy and putting your oven in and doing all these practical things,

but you could, you know, you could do that. Anyway, it reminds me actually, I was walking through, I was walking through leicester square once and um i was on my way to start a slightly new job at capital radio so it was based in leicester square and um on the way in i walked through this is growing there's a bust of um sir joshua reynolds right

i don't know if you know that is is it um is it something you're aware of outside outside of my uh okay so he's like he's like a quite i suppose quite a famous english portrait painter I don't know if you know that. Is it something you're aware of? Outside of my... Okay, so he's like a quite, I suppose, quite a famous English portrait painter. Right, okay. Obviously, I don't know anything about art, but I imagine he's done something brilliant, so that's why he got a bust.

And as I was walking through the square, I saw a guy who's a bit older than me, like jokingly, but nonetheless, say to someone with him, you haven't heard of Sir Joshua Reynolds, right? And I, like jokingly, but nonetheless, say to someone with him, you haven't heard of Sir Joshua Reynolds, right? And I was like, okay, fair enough. And at the time,

I probably hadn't heard of him, so I didn't get involved, didn't know him. And as I went to start my new job, it was fucking Tom Ireson, who was the guy I was actually going to be working for. Oh, right, okay. So I said to him, were you berating someone in Leicester Square this morning

about not knowing who Sir Joshua Reynolds was? And he was like, yeah, I was. And they should know who they were. Well, they teach at the schools these days. It was a really interesting introduction to a new boss. But anyway, tell us. I would very much like to say to that man, like, there's a lot on, I mean, in schools. Like, I mean, out of all the things you need to learn, I agree.

I couldn't give a shit about fucking Henry VIII. I couldn't give a shit about any of the kings. Fuck that. Like, tell me how fucking Turkey was made. Like, you know, tell me. Like, I was talking about this quite recently. Like, I remember, like, some people got to do an economics module in, like, maths. And that would have been actually quite useful for Liz Truss growing up Petey Donaldson

because I don't know fuck all about that yeah and also like where where geography and history they don't like to step on each other's toes so geography they're obsessed with fucking rocks and the rain cycle but they never sort of say the you know how North Korea and South Korea came to be you know like those things would actually be quite useful. I don't give a shit about the rocks. That's chemistry for me. That's chemistry. I'm not having it.

Don't make me get the Wi-Fi I have access to anymore. You can't. Yeah. She literally presented me with a geology-themed T-shirt the day before yesterday. Yeah. Oh, give us a geology lesson. But I don't think geography and history should be separate.

No, I think it's a good point. It upsets me terribly. I think it's part of a wider point around how a lot of the things that are taught aren't that relevant. But anyway, can I just really just make this point? Because I want to go back to an original point and I'm going to get lost. Just want to be better at world. Yeah, that's exactly a good point. So Tom Morrison, he hasn't given permission of his name to be on this show, but he's a good lad so Tom Morrison he hasn't he hasn't given permission

of his name to be on this show but he's a good lad so I'm sure he won't care and he'll never find out um so that was the instruction to him and then and he was a really lovely fellow I think he was just you know just taking the piss or whatever but anyway the greatest ever Tom Morrison story which you won't believe but I'll tell you anyway yeah is that I worked for him with him for a while at one point we had to go out for this lunch, we had to meet these clients for this lunch. And our mutual friend that we also worked with booked the table under his name. He said, look, can you book it under my name? And she did that.

And then it was a restaurant run by people who I guess who weren't speaking English as their foreign language. So English as their first language. So someone who took the reservation down, scribbled his name in a book, which they would probably have done then manually, and not confirmed it.

And then another person who wasn't speaking English as their first language obviously called the table name out when we got there because it was quite busy. And they said, wait here, you're table ready in a minute. And they called the name. But no word of a lie. And I heard this with my own ears

in the lobby of a restaurant in town. I think probably a Middle Eastern gentleman who was working there, the maitre d', shouted out in front of us and in front of the clients, Tony arsehole. Tony arsehole. And we were like, what? And obviously Tom didn't go over because his name isn't Tony anyway. And he just kept shouting shouting Tony arsehole,

Tony arsehole. And then the girl we were working with, the guy I go, do you mean Tom Harrison? And he was like, Oh yeah, I think it's Tom Harrison. And we were like,

yeah, great. And from then on, everyone called him Tony arsehole. That's annoying that because he, he's done nothing. He's done nothing to deserve that. It's great.

What is a new name? Anyway, so blue plaques, I walking through west london i forget which part kensington maybe and i saw a blue plaque on the wall exactly as you kind of alluded to there was like you don't really know anything about it and um it was for a guy uh called let me get this right because i don't want to mess it up it was for a guy called Fred Russell, right? Right. And he's born in 1862, died in 1957, and he's listed as the father of modern ventriloquism, right? Okay.

So he's the first person to stick a dummy on his knee and do that act. Okay. And he did it in the music course in the mid-1850s. That would have blown people's fucking minds. And I guess, onto my point, I've got two things.

One is, how mad would that have been for the first time to see that? And two, how did he have that idea? Where does that come from? Yeah. I mean,

he probably was celebrating, like anything like that, he probably was celebrating, like anything like that, he probably took it from somewhere else. But, like, I would very much like to see what his dummy was and how it kind of worked. Presumably it still exists somewhere. I'd quite like to see how fucking realistic and horrible... It would have been so frightening.

And so he's the first person to use the dummy that you know it's a frightening dummy yeah but um and then he started out as a journalist he didn't he wasn't even a performer as in his early life he started out as a journalist and he just decided to start doing it and he was doing it all the way through to the 1950s i think he was doing it until the age of about 95 oh so it's quite recent then it's quite i mean he in like the 1880s I think right but as you say I think there was ventriloquist acts before that

but to me it just feels like a really weird stretch I think with if you've got like a little dummy a little posh dummy with a

with a an eyeglass a monocle yeah and a little moving mouth I mean just horrific absolutely

horrific for the first time. I've not met anyone who doesn't find it frightening. Yeah. How is it so popular? I remember Harry Hill used to do one which was terrifying

and I was about 15 at the time. I still find it terrifying and I've never spoken to anyone of any age that hasn't gone, yeah, a bit creepy those, aren't they? I think we've spoken

about Stouffer before but Harry Hill's ventriloquist puppet where this little horrible blue latex animal latex cat That's Stouffer, you help me

He just uses his hand as a glove He's just opening up an envelope with Stouffer's mouth Absolute shit It's always Bunty Hoban i'd also recommend it on that if you like being um terrified and you like horror films um along that line um there's a great movie that came out in the late 70s called uh magic have you seen that no i haven't it's directed by richard attenborough and it's star and the main part is anth is Anthony Hopkins in a brilliant turn as the main,

I think he's the ventriloquist. Right. And it's about a kind of possessed ventriloquist dummy. It's fucking absolutely terrifying. I remember I watched it with my mum in the late 90s. I think we had it on VHS for some reason, or something, it was on telly or something. Yeah.

And we watched it. Fuck me, it was so frightening. It's definitely worth a watch if you get a chance, so give that a go. There you go. That's our film of the week. It is. It's our worth a watch if you get a chance. So give that a go. There you go. That's our film of the week. It is. It's our film of the week.

Should we have a quick break, Peter? All right, then. We'll be back in a minute with more of this. Yeah, we'll do a bit more of this. On each step with Peloton, from their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it.

Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. Welcome back to the Luke and Pete show on Monday the 3rd of October. Pete and Luke with you.

Shall we do some emails, Luke? Yeah, why not? Spaff out a couple. Hello to Harry. Morning, lads. I don't know if I was just having a dream yesterday at Heathrow Airport. The jet lag was very bad. But I think I saw Pete at Passport Security. Sadly, I was too far back in the queue,

but I think he is quite the character to recognise. A couple of questions though. Pete is smaller than I thought in real life. And why was his rucksack so big? It looks like he was going on DFE. Is that our Duke of Edinburgh? I'm a few weeks behind on the pod, so my questions may have already

been answered but keep it good work lads Harry that is my big bag is actually a

three capacity suit roll that I keep on my and that was that was a week and a day's worth of clothing

so I think I did alright to be honest yeah but you are smaller in real life though aren't you than people think yeah and that does accentuate the size of my backpack and also i was uh on the way out uh with my big backpack uh i forgot the i forgot the little wire that uh that plugs into my wireless headphones and i was like it like uh noise can't charge it yeah and i and I forgot the wire

that plugs into the actual entertainment system on the flight so I was like okay I've got two I managed to find myself

two pairs of those free things you get headphones earphones you get on flights and so I started stripping

the wires and matching them you told me about this you shouldn't be doing this on a flight. You shouldn't be stripping copper wire on a flight. It makes people nervous. Matching them together. Insufferable man to travel with you are.

The amount of stories of how insufferable you are when travelling is incredible. But if you ever need a fucking example of how fucking white privilege fucking works it's me on a flight with a massive backpack uh stripping copper wire in my economy seat at the back of the plane trying to patch it together fucking work though did you actually get it working got it working that's very good to be fair the result speaks for itself there but the amount of stories

i can think of just off the top of my head of you being insufferable while traveling one is bursting a blister over an orthodox jewish woman yeah right yeah two um yeah when your shampoo exploded in your bag on the way back from san sereno that time and you had to come out the queue and basically clean down your whole bag as we were boarding the plane yeah um and i'm and i'm still and i'm still uh more of a relaxed traveler than you are yeah well i'm just very straight i'm just very highly strong you're quite highly strung in it in an airport situation which amuses me and also the final one i want to say is when we were on tour somewhere i went to get a train and you would probably to be fair to your credit you'd probably been doing the late night shift on the radio the night before or something you were tired

and you went off on the train. It was a long train journey. I think we were probably going up to Scotland or something. And you went up to another carriage and fell asleep in a couple of seats on your own. Yeah. But didn't wake up. So we had to run down there and fucking rustle you awake,

try and drag you off the train before the train pulled out again. Yeah. The times of being dragged off a train, I tell you what. Yeah, it's just it's just it's very difficult i think i think what it is is i am quite highly strung by nature when i'm traveling with my wife i'm fine i think it's just a combination of you and our mate john and me when we travel together it's just a terrible combination because he just wants to get pissed all the time

you are insane and i just want to get on the plane and get home or get there or whatever. So it's a great combination. Are you disappointed that our friend Harry didn't come up and say hello? Or do you prefer people to keep their distance? People don't say hello as much as they used to. But maybe I'm just not around London quite so much. You know what I mean? Back in London, we used to get spotted every week.

But because I'm not in London very often. You said people don't give a shit earlier. Say again? You said earlier people don't give a shit. People don't give a shit about what? About you. About us. Yeah. No. I mean, I wouldn't. But they give enough of a shit to grab you when you're in Soho.

Yeah. I think the best picture that has ever been taken of me was me, I think the best picture that has ever been taken of me was me still pretty pissed out of my head at an early flight from, I think, either Sweden or Romania. And somebody took a picture of me getting on to the flight looking really disheveled. And they'd clearly sent it to their mate on Snapchat with the title, like, look at this spooky dude. Because it spotted me. And I look fucking incredible, Luke. It's the best picture anyone's ever taken of me. Why have I not seen it?

I'll find it somewhere, but it's a fucking good photo of me and I am hanging. I am absolutely hanging. Have you got a frame behind you in that office? I can see it. That's a massive statue of some kind of Chinese Communist Party representative. There he is. I don't know what he's up to.

Alright, Peter. Why don't we just squeeze one more email in before we go? This is from Usman Diallo. Howdy to you, Usman. He says, the title of the email is please give me guidance workplace rules and etiquette um so he is scraping the barrel here coming to us hi luke and pete hope you were a long time listener first time email after graduating from university i've ended up securing a better than anticipated office job and i'm due to start

soon i just turned 21 and my only prior experience is a part-time job at Sports Direct. As veteran rat race participants, what advice would you and your listeners give me on how not to embarrass myself? Note, most of my co-workers will be much older than me. Thanks and keep up the good work, Usman. Now, Pete, you are not a rat race veteran at all, really. You're not an office guy, are you? No, no, not really, no.

You don't even spend much time in our office. I spend more time than you do. No, you spend more time. No, you don't even spend much time in our office. I spend more time than you do. No, you spend more time. No, listen, I'm being specific. You're not actually someone who sits down in the office at your desk doing office things.

You're doing other stuff. I'm not saying you're going to work, but you're not someone who sits around doing the rat race type stuff. I have done more of that traditionally. And I have embarrassed myself more times than probably anyone in that environment so i'm probably not the best person to ask but i would say this if you've done a job at sports direct that's gonna i mean that's gonna be far more horrific than working in an office with some people who are older than you the older people will probably just be set in their

ways won't want you to make a dick out of yourself by asking stupid questions over and over again or being an idiot as in behaving in you know a weird way and they want you to keep quiet and get on with your job probably i think that doing shop work customer facing work in fact something like mcdonald's as well i would say i i would massively favor if we had to hire someone young i would massively favor someone who'd worked in mcdonald's that who hadn't because the pressure's high it's fast paced you've got to get things right you've got to be on the detail you've got to be accurate and it's relentless i think if you can do that i think you're pretty much halfway there i i read something in i might even be in like the economist or something a few years ago saying that um a lot of people do really respect the old you were hiring people do respect the old McDonald's appearing on the CV so

young people seem a bit embarrassed about it but I don't think you should be. No and I think if I could offer any advice I'm saying cook as much fish in the communal microwave as you fancy. Oh yeah definitely do that. And maybe

consider like a really offensive screensaver screens like a really offensive uh screensaver screensaver really offensive screensaver sort of thing probably not probably not a phone uh phone ringtone maybe like a you know like a really sexy or something you can't text ipappy or something just really really offensive and and just have a general smell about you that people find offensive. I would also say that, obviously, Pete's being sarcastic there. I would say that a really good thing to do

is to become really good friends with the IT department. Yeah, because you never know when you'll need us. You always need them. And they're always people that can actually do things for you. Yeah. And don't forget to treat every single person you work with as your colleague

whether they're a cleaner or a director or whatever be kind of respectful to them. That's what I would say. You'll be fine. If you've worked for Mike Ashley you can do this whatever it is. Yeah, damn right. Damn straight. And yeah, I mean presumably sports directors is

as reports are to be believed so that'll be the toughest gig of your life. Probably. Anyway, let's get out of here. We will be back on Thursday with more of this. We'll do some more batteries as well. We've got a few more things to get stuck into that. We didn't get time to talk about today,

but we'll do it on Thursday. Pete, you've got the magic trick and the tick tock video in the post at some point. We're not going to let you forget that our listening community will never let you forget it. So you better do it it but who knows when it'll be stick um together look after yourselves be kind pete in a world where you can be anything be kind live love and laugh your way through this week remember this remember this peter life isn't about avoiding the

thunderstorms it's about learning how to dance in the rain and I've always said that yeah I've always said that especially when you're putting your

you know you're putting yourself yeah alright we'll be back soon take it easy see ya ta ta the luke and pete show is a stack production and part of the acast creator network