The Luke and Pete Show - Chicken satire

Episode Date: October 15, 2020

Doctor Donaldson and Professor Moore are here to enlighten you with more profound interrogations of the world around us. As Stan the t-rex skeleton is sold to a private collector, what are the chances he will end up at a London car boot? What is the true etymology of ‘awooga’? And why did Kim Jong-un burst into tears this week?If the late Cretaceous period is a little before your time, the chaps revisit 90s TV classics Gladiators and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?. There is also an email from a man who is allergic to his own surname. Settle in for a cracking show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Luke and Pete show. It is a Thursday. I do hope you're keeping well wherever you may be or reside or exist. It might be torturous, your life, but I hope the Luke and Pete show is giving you a little glimmer of love and hope in your otherwise miserable existence. Luke Moore is with me. How are you doing, Luke? You all right? Pretty good, thanks. Will, would you rank yourself on the life is torturous scale at the moment one to ten pete uh oh definitely a ten but it's very much torture i've put on myself so i can't really complain can't complain luke no you you've become like morrissey you're like you're like someone who now wallows in your own displeasure and it's become like a brand for you now yeah i love it it's like it's a brand that's very much

been foisted upon me by people like you. I'd like to think myself as quite a happy-go-lucky yet passionate person. People must always remember I've bestowed that upon you to help cover up the insecurities about my own life. So we're all

fucking part of this, mate. Don't worry about that. We're all managing. We've all got a role to play. The Luke and Pete show, did you hear that the Taliban have sponsored it, saying that it's the only Luke and Pete show worth talking about, quite frankly. Is this a reference to the fact that Donald Trump has got the endorsement of the KKK

and the Taliban in the same election cycle? Because that, I mean, say what you like about the big man himself, but that is an amazing achievement. Perhaps not one he intended, but an amazing achievement nonetheless. I mean, he's covered everything off there. It's just a bit in the middle he's got a problem with. What I like about

it is that the Trump set up, they've been you know, I'm going to say kowtowing to the Taliban, not involving the people who are actually involved, you know, the stakeholders in a lot of the agreements. So they just go straight to the people who you would probably loosely term as terrorists. And obviously, in peacetime, you'd probably say that's probably a decent thing that someone is willing to work with people. They should really be involving the governments uh out out in the middle east probably

but um what i like about it is he shot himself in the foot there because the taliban have come out in support of donald trump uh this election you know in in his uh election campaign very enjoyable and not what you want what not what you would have expected or needed quite frankly the taliban have endorsed me not ideal as a headline gore i think i think the um one of the experts that i quite respect on on on this kind of stuff was absolutely fuming that donald trump had invited the taliban to camp david he was like does he have any understanding about what soft power is at all i mean you can speak to the taliban you can negotiate with enemies you can and as you say p, you need all the stakeholders

around the table or whatever. But to invite them to Camp David is a little bit much. But speaking of like, how shall I put this? Speaking of non-traditional leaders, did you see something that really surprised me? I know you are someone who knows more about this part of the world than I do. So perhaps you can further contextualise it.

I saw that the leader of North Korea Kim Jong-un was actually crying in a public address this week. Oh right. So have you seen this? I've not seen this. I know they did, they had a

50th anniversary or something. There was some kind of anniversary and and they had a chore force of tanks rolling down the uh rolling down pyongyang and stuff like that so um but obviously he's you know people have been thinking that he's been very unwell for a very long time but he's up and about and he's just showing everyone he can cry maybe he can just show he shows everyone his eye ducts are working so it's the um are they called eye ducts? Yeah, fuck it. Dr. Dawson, are they still called eye ducts?

Yeah, Dr. Dawson. So he was speaking at a parade that marked the 75th anniversary of the Workers' Party, which, of course, does the ruling party in North Korea. And normally... That's a cigar from Donaldson's history lesson. 50th anniversary of summing. It's ballpark history, guys. All rightming it's ballpark history guys all right it's ballpark stuff all right he he um whereas normally it would be a big you know bombastic rhetoric and then showcasing new uh missiles and military hardware etc which

which by the way that make it make it absolutely clear that also happened but he he he kind of apologized and said that um you know the challenges have been really difficult and that they've had in quite his own his own words unprecedented disasters and then he removed his glasses and wiped away tears an indication according to analysts of mounting pressure on his regime i just find it really interesting because you think of, I mean, it's a horrendous regime and that, you know, obviously everyone involved should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves, if I may put it like that, in a very British way. And for further reading on this stuff, you should read

Nothing to Envy, in my opinion, which is a brilliant book by Barbara someone, I forget who it was. But if you're interested in the North Korean regime, the book Nothing to Envy is a very, very interesting read. But it's quite, I mean, I wouldn't profess to be an expert on it, but in the terms of, in the kind of dictator's playbook, is standing up on stage and crying like the way that it should be happening? I don't know.

I think Putin every now and again will sort of show a more human side, be it scaring Angela Merkel with a dog or standing in the rain at a cenotaph. Yeah, I don't know. I think it shows a more rounded humanitarian kind of figure when he's not firing anti-aircraft missiles into people. What I'm saying is, Pete, he's clearly not a round... Well, he is physically rounded, but he's not a rounded humanitarian figure, is he?

He's an absolute fucking cunt. No. And so you'd imagine that he's not someone who's generally predisposed to behaving in that way. I just thought it was interesting. I mean, it sent all the people who watch that part of the world all of a titter because normally you don't get any change out of him. So I just found it quite an interesting development.

But changing subject completely, something that caught my eye this week is that the most complete T-Rex skeleton has just sold at auction for a record price. It's 70% complete. So it is basically the T-Rex skeleton that all the other kind of plaster of Paris models and all the other things are based on. Guess how much it sold for? The guide price was six to eight million dollars 23 million very close 31.8 million dollars um but the um the

the person who bought it has remained anonymous for now and i think i think it would be a shame if it went to um if it went to kind of private collection no one could see it but like it's called his nickname was stan and it was uh it's got 199 bones in it um and the best bit about it pete is this the damage to the skeleton suggests the dinosaur was involved in a number of battles during its life oh lovely imagine the battles pete that'll be epic wouldn't it was it the t-rex from jurassic park do you reckon i just i just like i'm just i've got the ebay listing up now wouldn't it was it the T-Rex from Jurassic Park do you reckon I just like I've got the eBay listing up now and the auction was won it wasn't sold on eBay was it

dinosaurfucker99 that was his account number you gonna fuck that skeleton no does that seem like a pretty decent price for the world's most complete skeleton of a dinosaur? I'd lodge them in the ground, mate.

Just find them. If you spent 29, 30 million on a dig and you didn't find a dinosaur, you'd be bloody annoyed. So why don't you buy one of those? It's like people who sell Gachapon capsules that you already know what's in them. What are they?

Gachapon, they're like Kinderer eggs but like big bigger and you buy them in vending machines and you know you'll get one of five toys and it's always the one you don't want ah okay right okay that's interesting so i believe the reason that um the reason that the dinosaur fossils and the complete fossils are so valuable and so rare is because the circumstances needed to create bones like that are quite, they don't really happen very often. I think what needs to happen is the dinosaur in question needs to have died like near a tar pit or something.

So it gets compacted. Yeah. Yeah. So there's certain parts of the world i think the dakotas are famously quite good for it montana is really good for it in the us as well because of the topographical conditions i think this particular dinosaur came from south dakota it's certainly on display um a geological research institute in south dakota um so i think i think although they're very confident geologists and and and paleontologists

about how the world kind of existed around those times and the timelines and everything through things like carbon dating and all the sort of scientific developments you you basically all you're seeing really is just examples rather than it being a general rule because obviously most most things died and were eaten or died a different type of death. And so you're really just looking for clues from these types of preservations to kind of further ratify your theories. And that's one of the biggest – I'm going a bit off-piste here, but as far as I remember when I've read about it,

this is why the theory of evolution is so rock solid because they've never once found a fossil that isn't in the same era that they'd expect it to be based on the research yeah so for example you know you see layers of like rock and stuff you never see like they talk about i think the way they example the example they use is rabbits and the pre-cambrians that you never see like a fully formed like fully formed modern rabbit from 200 million years ago. Do you know what I mean? So it's all pretty interesting stuff, mate. All I want to know, though, is where's he going to put it?

Because I suppose if he's going to spend $30 million for a dinosaur skeleton, he's probably got a big old house. I would be furious if I saw it at the car boot. That's all I'm saying. You'd probably pay more for it. You'd probably pay him extra what I'm saying going back to Monday's episode when you paid extra

for the wrestling figures, what I would say is you said the money's going to a kid so I paid more, if that kid's already got 60 wrestling figures, he's already too spoiled yeah his mum was saying that he does,

he loves the wrestling. He does a wrestling YouTube thing. And I've effectively funded a rival wrestling content provider. You have, haven't I? You have.

You didn't tell Mark Haines that the G would be absolutely fuming. No, no. And when I do, I'll bribe him with a Broadus clear figure. Shall we head to email town? We've got a lot of emails at the moment. I feel like we only ever get to spaff out a couple every episode.

So shall we take a short ad break and then come after that? Yeah, let's get in there early and then we'll come back and we'll do some emails. Good shout. And welcome back to the Luke and Pete Show. If you would like to get in touch with the show, the second half of the show is dedicated to all of your dispatchers from the front line of wherever you may be,

wherever you may reside. Hello at lukesandpeachshow.com to get involved. Got an email from, we got here, Daniel Schilling. Hello, gents. After listening to your recent show, Luke went on a mini rant, sounds like him, stating how he hates it when people always credit Chris Akabusi when starting the phrase wuga. Luke went on to mention that John Fascianou started it.

This is also incorrect. It was actually started by Craig Charles, and it was used several times in the TV show Red Dwarf long before Fascianou started it. Keep up the great work, Daniel Schilling. Now, Luke, I'm only bringing this email up to the table after your mini rant, because I also thought that, but then I thought maybe it was just my childish,

fevered brain being a little bit racist and just assuming all black men on the television in the 80s were the same. So I'm glad that I'm not racist, and I'm glad that i thought that because i was an avid watcher of red dwarf and uh yeah uh yeah big fan of craig charles on it yeah so um yeah i also i saw this email and i thought oh right that's a nice one and it's a key part of this show is people email this input in the um putting the record straight

i mean it's it's always chuckling it's always funny to me when they say, keep up the great work at the end. But I saw Craig Charles ranting about this same thing on Twitter. And I think he ended up calling John Fashioner a rude word for stealing it. So it does seem to have, there's several stages. What seems to have happened is that Craig Charles was at the genesis of it via Red Dwarf, which, by the way, for people of our age,

Pete, was an absolute must-watch back in the day, wasn't it? I had all the books. I had all of the fiction behind it. I used to know so much about Red Dwarf, forgot it all. I loved it. I remember, I think it was on 8.30 on BBC 2 and I remember going up to, at that point I think at that point I had a TV in my bedroom

so I was able to go upstairs watch it on TV in the bedroom. It's just a highlight of the week. I remember the theme tune, everything. My favourite series, because I came to it a little bit later, was when they were on board starbuck

when they've been kicked off the main yeah yeah i think is that accepted as the best series generally or is that just a poor take yeah i think so yeah once that once they're kind of like mired in it once they can't go around the whole ship because i think it's the first two seasons they're on on the on the main ship and then starbuck starbuck is the one where they, I think that series and maybe five was when they went to Backwards World. Yes. And Kat, who's this cool kind of, ow! Because Dwayne Dibley.

Kind of character. Yeah, he became Dwayne Dibley. So he went from being incredibly cool and stylish to being Dwayne Dibley. And he just couldn't break out of this uncool veneer. Yeah, it was very, very good anyway. So it started off there and then it's gone through to John Fashion who some would say has stolen it then and then popularized it on the ITV rival broadcast as well by the way drama ITV uh uh vehicle gladiators which he presented with Eureka Johnson in the 90s. And then through some kind of erroneous internet meme, it's then been attributed to Chris Akabusi.

So he's had quite the journey. Yeah. And in the middle, John Fashanou, who I can confirm is a bit of a dick. I just said John Fashanou on gladiators. I just said John Fashanou on gladiators. And yes, he is a dick, Fashanou. And in the middle. And in the middle.

Let's not us fall out over it. We're not the Uyghur boys. All I'm saying is that I started it. And Fashionew's got a reputation of a certain kind, doesn't he? Yeah, he famously offered to pay his brother to not come out back in the day. Yeah. It's fun.

All fun and games, isn't it, mate? Can I also just take a moment to imagine what it would have been like backstage in the 90s when they were filming Gladiators? Oh, I cannot imagine. It would have been so good. All the egos, man. They had very little to do. I just always thought with gladiators,

did any of them really have personalities apart from Wolf? Wolf was like the angry one, and obviously he sort of did that himself, much to the producer's chagrin. And yeah, he became a bit of a thing. But everyone else was just a very cookie-cutter. They had very little say for themselves. They weren't very good at cutting promo, so to speak. They were all a bit poor, to be

honest. But Wolf, he was a bit of a class apart, wasn't he? Yeah, Wolf was definitely the standout one, yeah. I think there's a couple of things I would say about Shadow, but I think I'll probably avoid that because I haven't had time to check the legality of it. We've spoken about it before, to be fair.

Yeah. But some of the characters really broke out. Do you remember Eugene Huthart? She broke through. Did she? Wesley Two Scoops, he broke through as well. Who the hell is that? So Eugene Huthart was the one who just absolutely decimated

all the competition and smashed it. Wesley Two Scoops was kind of similar, but he got this amazing 90s breakthrough reputation. I imagine he had like loads of things like panto afterwards because this is the time before the internet and really before reality tv um i think he probably and the reason the reason he became quite famous from what i remember is because he could jump over a car and that was like a big thing we were also but we're also innocent though in those days that him being able to jump over a car as a partnership was like holy shit that's amazing

and um and so that that was kind of a big deal yeah i reckon i could jump over a car do you know well don't you i mean i should stress for for the for your own safety sake that the car at the time wasn't actually moving it was a parked car um oh that's good that's good and one thing that actually has happened as a development at Chateau Mormont recently is that Mimi and I have started watching quite a lot of classic Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. That's a swerve. I wasn't expecting that.

Well, 90s TV shows. 90s TV shows, mate. Yeah. And one of the things that's quite interesting about it is Chris Tarrant as a host. Have you got any it is Chris Tarrant as a host. Have you got any opinions on Chris Tarrant as a host? I never understood the mania that accompanied... How fond everybody was of him on Capital.

Because obviously I joined Capital, the building, soon after he'd left. And his show was taken over by Johnny Vaughan. And I could never really understand his craft effectively. It just all seemed a bit basic and old school for me. So no, I don't really rate him as a post, really. Nice bloke, though. I've met a couple of times before. Right, so when I joined Capital, it was already Vaughan.

And he was always really lovely to me. But anyway, Chris Tarrant, the reason I bring this up is because, you know, you and I have talked about, although Michael Barrymore, for several reasons, was absolutely problematic, as a presenter, he's amazing, right? Yeah, beyond reproach. Yeah, and so certainly not beyond reproach in his other life, but as a presenter, brilliant, right?

Chris Tarrant does this thing on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire if you go watch it back. And it's on like Challenge TV all the time, so you can go and watch it. Where in my view, he's clearly tried to bring in his own catchphrase, but it never works. And no one laughs, but he keeps doing it. And what it is is, I don't know if you remember the

show that well but when they get to a certain level of money he's got this check which is written on behalf of who wants to be millionaire and it's got the amount on it and it's kind of just a bit of a theater because the show is quite formulaic right so what he does is when they get the question right for like 32 000 pounds or whatever everyone claps and he brings this check out right and he hands it halfway over the desk and the camera shot of it is like 32 000 pounds to that person's name who wants to be a millionaire right and it's quite a dramatic piece of theater for the show anyway but then what he does is he whips it away before they can grab it and says we don't want to give

you that right like it's a catchphrase but one no one acknowledges it two no one laughs or claps but he does it every single episode to no response it's a really weird thing when you look back on it like 20 years on i would recommend it it feels like he is saying to the producers we're doing this fucking catchphrase and it's going to take off at some point and i'm sticking out until it does it never did but i i think do you not think with that um who has been a millionaire was the first tv show where people had a because it was such a large amount of money everyone had like a quite a reverential hush in the studio nobody wanted to make that much noise nobody hooted or hollered or stuff like that and so it was a bit more grown

up and a bit more frightening and a bit more yeah people didn't show off as much in those days either remember in those days don't you reckon i don't know man i don't know it wasn't that long ago i know that because everyone's got like social media and there's um and there's like mobile phones and stuff and it's much more of a celebrity based culture i just don't think people were trying to make themselves a centre of attention. For example, Alex from Glastonbury does that Tiago Silva song with Dave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would never have happened 25 years ago, right?

People became little stars and tiny little kind of... Well, first of all, Glastonbury was so non-mainstream 25 years ago that he wouldn't have even been there. But you know what I mean? No, true. No, yeah, I don't know. I think we've always been like this, but yes, wouldn't have even been there but you know what i mean no true no yeah i don't know man like i think we've always been like this but yes um we've become a little bit more cynical when it comes to

oh i could get something out of this people might it's like the um like that guy that that mexican guy who um was um on tiktok uh riding down the road on a skateboard oh yeah yeah yeah people look people like drinking ocean spray and and singing some Fleetwood Mac. A lot of people very cynically go, look, he's just immediately asking for a GoFundMe, for money and stuff like that. Ocean Spray have given him a van. Fucking use it.

Fucking use it. You're the product. People like you. Fucking sell out immediately yeah the general a couple of points off the back of that one would be that um that's part is do a twitter right every time someone does a twitter thing that's tweet that goes viral they put a little link underneath for something they care about right secondly um if you're not paying for the product you are the product the product so remember that and and thirdly one thing i always have to

remind myself is that only 20 of the population of the uk and the usa are on twitter and only 10 tweet so so like you're talking about even though it's a very influential thing it's why it's very easy to drop into that bubble that's why people who are on the labor left under corbyn before the previous election were absolutely stunned and they didn't win when actually they're only speaking to a very very small part of british society and they were having their own opinions essentially spouted back to them obviously people talk about like an echo chamber so a lot of things to take into account by the way um we've got an email here from this is good right this is a bit of nominative determinism it's a man called nut allergic to nuts um dave nut's been in touch he says hi luke and pete haven't listened to your nut allergy chat this is a subject i'm very well versed in firstly

i have a nut allergy uh not to every nut, but I try not to play Russian roulette with a box of black magic. Cut to one of my first stayovers at my now wife's house, and we started tucking into a succulent Chinese meal. I was unfamiliar with what the traditional Chinese hors d'oeuvres contained, so was munching into some chicken on a skewer when I declared all this barbecue chicken has a kick. Yes, I wasn't aware what chicken satire was. Cue me bent over the toilet after spewing up blood and having lips as swollen as a book, a boxers who somehow managed to got. This is a very tortured analogy from Dave.

Lips as swollen as a boxer who somehow managed to get 12 rounds, getting repeatedly punched in the mouth. OK, we get what you're going for there, Dave. Anyway, a rushed trip to a and e and my clear distress got me to the front of the queue what's your allergy what's your problem i've got a nut allergy and i've just had a big mouthful of chicken satay what's your name david nut uh she tried to keep a straight face but couldn't contain a big old smirk needless to say i got seen pretty quickly and i'm now very wary of food from the far east because so much of it's cooked with peanuts or peanut oil my allergy isn't actually that severe compared to

others but it does make buying food stuff rather tricky as nearly every manufacturer puts may contain traces of nuts or something similar on the packaging uh it's cheaper to avoid a legal case than to not do this i guess you'd be pleased to hear one thing I can happily munch on, should I choose, is peanut butter Oreos, because incredibly, no nuts are used in the making of these. And that is a great reflection of where we got to as a society. Anyway, he says, I'm guessing there can't be many listeners allergic to their surname like I am, unless you have a Barry Pollen or a Steve Dog hair

amongst your listenership. Best regards, Dave Nuts. Or as I've known to most wedding caterers, Dave Nut No Nuts. Oh, that's magical, Dave. What a delicious, excuse the turn of phrase, situation to be in. You were allergic to dogs, weren't you?

Is it dog hair or something? Yeah, dog hair, dog dander. How's that going? Because you've got two dogs now, right? My name was Dog Dander Donaldson. I've got access to them, yeah, not mine, but Dog Dander Donaldson. Yeah, fine. I mean, not fine. My asthma has got exponentially worse, but, you know,

if decisions are going to be made, they're not going to fall in my direction, in my favour, so fuck it. I was reading the other day that Theodore Roosevelt, the great American president, was able to overcome his asthma with a rigorous outdoor lifestyle, Pete. Oh, okay. Well, that's what people say. Oh, yeah, you should just go swimming.

I've got to take drugs in the morning and the night. A rigorous swim every morning is not going to help me. Would it hurt you, though? It wouldn't hurt me, no. It probably would hurt me. I think I'm right in saying people who are allergic to cats are actually allergic to something in the cat's saliva, which because they lick themselves to clean themselves all the time,

manifests itself in the cat hair, but it's not actually the cat hair. So is that the same? That wouldn't be the same with dogs though, right? Because dogs don't really clean themselves in that way, do they? It's skin cells. It's not the hair itself. It's the same with cats. It's not the fur it's it's the skin cells that are attached to the hair and we probably spot no way forward but anything saliva piss sick poop

my friend once said to me i'm allergic to mushrooms and the way that allergy manifests itself is i really don't like the taste of them but speaking of taking us back full circle because of course we started talking about a t-rex skeleton and now we're talking about animal hair have you seen um there was something that broke online a week or so ago it was a picture of um some scientists who were picking over a perfectly preserved um um i think it's like a saber-toothed tiger or a woolly mammoth to the point of where but the hair is all over the animal still like it's obviously come out the permafrost and it looks absolutely perfect look like it died yesterday beautiful that's majestic well at least they know they've got it right yeah exactly yeah oh phew i bet a lot of

sizes go phew i'm so glad we got that one right it's not like that it's not like the uh what's that um museum ah in the in the southeast near forest hill um where they've got a big fat walrus oh the horniman museum horny museum it's a brilliant walrus by the way it's a it's a lovely fat walrus beautiful i mean it would have been big anyway you know it would have been a majestic beast anyway without all the stuff in it um do you remember if you remember that story i told you about the the guy who had to taxidermy the lion but he'd never seen a lion before in the in the 18th century it looks like a cartoon lion it's brilliant it's got his tongue sticking out and everything and it's got teeth like a normal human

there was a there was a um there was a twitter thread of animals drawn by people who'd never seen the animals in real life uh medieval drawings but then um quite recently and there's some amazing kind of pictures of like horses with eyes at the front of their face and stuff like that um though why you'd never seen a horse i don't know but apparently a lot of the pictures were satirical if there's like a there was there was a case of like two cats that were in like an old old painting when back in the day um and they'd painted the face to look like they'd painted everything beautifully everything looked very accurate and then when it came to these two cats um they had these withering human faces um but apparently it was it was to do with uh you know mugging off the

king or something look i love was alive and well then. Look, I love cat face satire. What can I say? There's an evolutionary reason why. Satire, Dave, don't worry about it. Oh, this chicken satire is really cutting. There's a reason why, evolutionary reason why eyes are in different

places on different animals. You know that, right? Yeah, sheep have got a very wide field of vision, so their pupils are really flat as well. So if the animals are prey, their eyes tend to be on the side of their heads and if they're predators, they tend to be forward. Well, there you go. That's nice.

That's a real job. Yeah, there we go. On that bombshell, I think we should probably leave it there, Pete. We're back on Monday, as we always are, with another episode of The Luke and Pete Show. Do get in touch, hello at lukeandpeetshow.com. Perhaps you're allergic to something strange. Let us know about it.

Let us know your experiences of it. What's your dad into? You've also bought a gigantic dinosaur skeleton and you want to tell us about it. Say again, Pete? What's your dad into? Has your dad got into something later in life, like Luke's dad.

We spoke about this last week. I forgot to ask this at the end of that show. Has your dad got into something later in life? Because obviously Luke's dad is into restoring things and turbocharging vans.

Yeah, keep it clean. Not like, oh, he just harasses Instagram models or something. You know what I mean? Just keep it quite wholesome. I think it's good when dads are wholesome,

isn't it? I love a wholesome dad yeah same couldn't eat a whole one right hello at lukeandpete show.com to get in touch we'll be back next time

tell all your friends leave us a review it's great to speak to you hope you enjoyed listening and we'll speak to you again soon say goodbye Peter awooga and it's awooga from me as well. This was a Stakhanov production and part of the ACAST Creative Network.