The Luke and Pete Show - Christmas Special Part 2: Pete's naughty little secret

Episode Date: December 27, 2021

We’re back! What day of the week is it? We don’t know, but what we do know is that we are here for part 2 of our Christmas special. We’re discussing the top 10 Christmas songs and reading more of your best and worst Christmas stories. Pete then ends the show by delivering us all a belated Christmas present when he reveals a very personal secret…Are you prepared to tell us your personal secrets? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Feel free to give us a follow while you're there! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Luke and Pete Shaw Many Happy Returns Jesus, hope you had a good birthday If you enjoyed your Christmas period Well done If you had a terrible time Well, let us be the salve to that particular emotional wound Would you still say

it's the Christmas period now, though? What's your card? Yeah, if they're still Christmas-themed Mrs. Brown Boys on the fucking telly, I think we're allowed. If the eye dents on BBC One,

I was a little snowman in them. I think that's fine, to be honest. If Sky Sports are still doing the footballs as snowballs advert, which is very good, by the way. Right. I actually really like it.

I don't think I've seen it. So, like, it's like Christmas is a time for football or whatever. Yeah. I actually really like it. I don't think I've seen it. So it's like Christmas is a time for football or whatever. Yeah. And it's like, I don't know, it's just really Christmassy. It's snowing, but the snow's all football. Is that it? You said it was really exciting and it is a snowball.

Well, Jamie Redknapp's got his sketches on. He's scooting around. Yeah, honestly. How was your Christmas day, Peter? Yeah, it was all right. It was... Uneventful? Uneventful.

And I think that's what we need. That's what you wanted. You know, no alarms, no surprises. Just a little bit quiet. Like being a referee. You do a good job and no one knows you're there. No one knows you're there. Exactly.

Correct. Yeah, I mean, this is the 27th the show is going out. It's, you know, when you sort of go on those websites, it's really easy, cheap content where you sort of go, right, whose birthday is it? Yeah. What day is it?

What's the sort of hallmark, nonsensical piece of shit day that someone sort of invented for a PR scam sort of day? So you'll get like, you know, national fucking eat a pancake. No, that's like literally, I've picked the worst one.

That's a day? Yeah. Drive your car into a lay-by day. It'll just be confusing. Like, why have you done that? Oh, it's sponsored by Ford or something. Anyway, 27th, make cut-out snowflakes day. What?

You know those little things you sort of, like, you'd sort of fold it up, make some slices, and then you unfold it. Oh, no, they are, but I don't want admin on the 27th no you don't want

paper cuts certainly it's also national fruitcake day of course it fucking is I can see that because Christmas cake do you like a Christmas cake erm

I used to when I used to when my nan used to make them and drink a cup of tea with it but no not really it's not a

I'm not a big cake guy but I do like a fruitcake out of all the cakes. I think it's, there's a lot to be said for those weird green raisins that live in there. I can remember my mum

starting the Christmas cake because you know, you have to let it soak in that brandy and stuff for ages. I remember like a few, it felt like a few weeks out from Christmas,

my mum would start making the Christmas cake and that was like exciting stuff. Does she still do that? She doesn't make one now because not enough people eat it. Right. But she used to do the proper thing.

She used to put the Mars pan over it. She used to do the icing. She used to have little things that lived on top of it. It was cool. It was a cool thing. We'd be eating it for like six months afterwards as well.

They last for such a long time. Oh yeah, it lasts forever. Or it doesn't last but you just eat it anyway. And then my ex-girlfriend's family used to do, they were very middle class. She won't mind me saying that.

It was cool because she was very artistic and so was her dad and they used to settle on a theme during the year at some point

and they would decorate the Christmas cake in that theme okay nice so you'd have like I don't know I mean it's long after

Splatterhouse I saw it from social media they had like a Brexit themed one Brexit right okay cool and then like one of them would be like I don't know

Santa Claus reading the paper or something it's just it's kind of a cool thing I like Christmas cake because I like more what it represents I mean I will

I will house any cake I will just hoover up any cake unless it's a coffee flow I don't really like coffee flow but that's one of the best things about this time of year,

the 27th. No responsibility really. Offices closed. Nothing to do. Hanging out. Doing your thing. And just eating all the food that's left over.

I know it's gluttonous. I know it's probably fucking terrible for the environment and all the rest of it. But let's just enjoy it. Hey, look. I love sprouts so much.

I'm terrible for our environment in the home because I bloody love sprouts. That Christmas party we went to when we used to have Christmas parties, you must have eaten about 400 sprouts. I've never seen the life. They were on little sticks, weren't they?

And it would oscillate between stick, sprout, stick, sprout. And I was just fucking jamming these fucking sprouts in my mouth. And the stick, I was just leaving behind because I didn't care for it. Bad stick, great sprouts. So, I don't really like sprouts that much but I went to a nice

restaurant once called The Copper Grouse in Manchester, Vermont and they served up sprouts with like pancetta and all this seasoning and it's actually

very, very good. People just need to get over it. Sprouts are delicious and if you can't handle sprouts... How do you cook them though? Well, I mean, I mean,

I mean, my partner doesn't eat a lot of meat so I can't get away with the... But she doesn't really of meat, so I can't get away with it. But she doesn't really eat sprouts anyway, so I could actually get away with just pancetta. Just pancetta, lovely. I mean, people throwing horse chestnuts,

can't be arsed with that. You don't eat more meat, though, do you, on Christmas dinner? No, but little chunks of bacon would be fine. I'd give them a little something-something. But I love sprouts. I love the slightly sour taste to them. Speaking of Christmas and Christmas traditions, obviously Christmas songs

are a big thing around this time of year. And some would probably, I think rightly say, that the golden age of Christmas songs is long since gone, right? Yeah.

People don't do them now. No. I mean, some people try. I mean, I think Ed Sheeran tried to do one about it on John. Yeah, I just... And the thing...

Sorry, I'll get your take on it Pete but I just wanted to say this everyone slated it and it's like I understand why you're slating it fine but they are trying to do a

they are trying yeah they're trying to do like a thing that used to be good and people liked it and assumed it would be good and now as soon as they try and do something to bring it back you're going to slag it off

but is it just our generation that like the kids probably will look back and hear that Ed Sheeran song and it will remind them of Christmas because no because it won't be part of the consciousness will it is it being played is it just our generation that the kids probably will look back and hear that Ed Sheeran song and it will remind them of Christmas? No, because it won't be part of the consciousness, will it? Is it being played? Is it being played?

Well, you've heard it. I've heard it. We've clicked on it. I haven't actually heard it. I just saw the review of it. Right, okay. I guess there's not a culture of watching Top of the Pops anymore, so you choose the music that you listen to.

So it's all very much on you, I suppose. That's true. Nothing's curated anymore. But I found this article and we briefly touched on it a week or so ago, but I wanted to save it for today's show,

which is the biggest earning Christmas songs. As I already said to you, Merry Christmas Everybody by Slade is the biggest earning Christmas song. Apparently it nets

the writers of it, which I presume is Slade, Noddy Holder and his gang, half a million pounds a year every year. Right. That's a fucking great life hack. Isn't it?

They know whatever happens every year, their baseline, they're going to make half a million quid. Between four or five of them, yeah. It's still good. Oh, it's still very good, yeah. And they've got other songs as well. No one listens to them.

They've got other songs. Go on, feel the noise. Come on. Do you remember the Slade one? Are you hanging up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The dark is on. It's Christmas other songs. Go on, feel the noise. Come on. Do you remember the Slade one? Are you hanging up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The sun is on. It's Christmas.

That one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's iconic, right? It's iconic. Some of the others in the list. So can you guess what number two is? You should be able to. Oh, is it Shaking Stevens?

No. Not even in the top ten? What do you mean? Where's that come from? That's not even in the top ten. Which one did he do? Shaking Stevens. Christmas. Oh, God, I can't remember now. The Christmas Jitterbug. not even in the top 10 what do you mean where's that come from that's not even in the top 10 which one did he do uh shake stevens uh

christmas oh god i can't remember now the christmas jitterbug i don't really know what it's called you just said just oh no christmas christmas shake stevens

oh it's um snow is falling yeah it's not on there not on there not even the top 10 um number two is

obviously and the bells are ringing out for christmas day right okay the poach fairies have new york featuring kirstie mccall of course and a chorus of dads and the bells are ringing out for Christmas Day. The Pogues, very far from New York, featuring Kirstie McColl, of course. And a chorus of dads shouting that F word

because they just need to hear it. Can't believe I was listening to it on the radio and it's not there. They vetted it out. You can't say anything these days. Can't say anything these days. Number three. Can't scream anything in a Tesco these days.

You can guess number three. What's number three? I'm not going to debate it the whole time. So number one is It's Christmas, Naughty Holder. Number two is

The Pogues. Merry Christmas Everybody by Slade. Okay. Merry Christmas War Is Over, John Lennon. No, that's not in

the top ten either. Fucking hell. What's these absolute imposters? Number three is Mariah Carey. Oh yeah, now that is true.

Why is that not number one? That's her thing now, isn't it? She doesn't do anything is that not at number one? That's all fucking, yeah. That's her thing now, isn't it? She doesn't do anything for this. She's like Santa. She doesn't do anything.

And then when it gets to, back in November, bang, Vegas residency, baby. I saw a brilliant, Adele's doing a Vegas residency now. Good.

Yeah. Cha-ching. Fucking money, baby. Bunts. I saw a great video of Mariah Carey recently where she comes out to play some event or something. I think she probably does those things that you talk about, the Russian oligarch stuff that Robbie Williams does.

And she comes out, they announce her onto stage. She comes out onto stage and stands up to the mic to start singing. The song starts. She steps up to the mic, looks around at the spotlights on her, decides that she doesn't really like the light because it makes her look bad, I guess. Just moves everything to the side. Just stands in the dark and carries on singing.

This is great Ryan Carey behavior. Smashing. But anyway, one thing that, the reason I brought this up and I'm going to be a little controversial here. People don't like to talk about this. People do not like to admit it

and it is beyond the pale of popular rhetoric. Right. But the Gary Glitter Christmas song is fucking brilliant they don't ever play it anymore which one's that one

it's called Another Rock and Roll Christmas Another Rock and Roll Christmas Another Christmas Rock and Roll no one listens to it anymore I understand why it's beyond the pale but we should admit

that it's brilliant would you notice that if like the man who was playing Michael Jackson in the food market would you necessarily notice that if like the man who was playing Michael Jackson in the food market would you necessarily

notice that that was Gary Glitter because obviously famously the most iconic scene in the Joker film features Gary Glitter does it

yeah or whatever it is that's not Gary Glitter the Doctor Who is not Gary Glitter but it's the same tune hey how have they got Glitter? The Doctor Who is not Gary Glitter, but it's the same tune. Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum. Hey!

How have they got around that then? I'm fairly certain that they have somebody wrote a think piece or possibly even a research piece that he doesn't actually technically get any money out of that, but I don't know how that would work because presumably he was writer and executor of that particular song and and they play at nfl games

obviously but nobody else is gary glitter it's an interesting thing isn't it because i feel like we don't have a we don't have a take on that we don't have an official line no society doesn't have a line on that is what i'm saying yeah they haven't got a line on jackson either what do you mean? We haven't sort of like... No one said, right, now this is what's happening. We've caged the man, or the man's dead, so we can't do anything about that.

But everything that's kind of around it, because music is such a business and such an industry around it, everyone's got a mouth to feed. And why should the core writer of that song that Gary Glitter and you know why should the why should the core writer of that song that Gary Glitter worked

on why should he go hungry because of what fucking Glitter got to do what about Rod Templeton who wrote all the Jackson songs is he going to be able to eat I'm sure he'll be fine probably will

probably will but what's your take do you think we should be still listening to Michael Jackson I don't even know exactly no one knows I know nobody knows no one fucking knows

so what are you going to do for New Year I've got to look at the man in the mirror and try and ask myself I don't even know. Exactly, no one knows. I know, nobody knows. No one fucking knows. So what are you going to do for New Year? I've got to look at the man in the mirror and try and ask myself to make a change. We've got a show on Thursday just before New Year, but while we're on the subject, what are you going to do for New Year? Because it's dead now, isn't it, New Year? It is dead a little bit.

It's Romeo done. I'm going to fuck all. I'm going to do fuck all. My partner's working for most of the New Year's period. But yeah, just stay at home, I guess. Stay out of trouble. Stay at home,

stay out of trouble. Will you stay up? Yeah, they usually have. Essex seems to go really big on fireworks and so does Kent, actually.

You can see across the estuary, Kent usually sort of smash out some pretty decent fireworks. I don't like fireworks. Do your dogs not get scared? Couldn't give a shit. Could not give a shit.

They don't mind? Yeah, amazing. That's weird. It's mad, isn't it? Yeah. I imagine there'll be some kind of show. Some kind of sweet show. You'd be Jules Holland, wouldn't you?

With a nanny. They film that in like summer, don't they? No, gentlemen! No, no! No, not like that! No, gentlemen! 2022! Yeah.

Like with a clock on his head. Who is that? I heard that's Barack Obama. What? Who's got a clock on their head? Who's got a clock on their head every George Holland hootenanny

right is a guy who walks around I've not watched I do I mean to be fair the last 10 years I've not been watching hootenanny

I've been out being cool well half of that's true I'm going to tell you now there's a guy who walks around with a big clock on his head

right and he's kind of famous for it right yeah he looks like that yeah who walks around with a big clock on his head. Right. And he's kind of famous for it, right? Yeah. He looks like that, right? Oh, okay. He's got a long clock head. And it counts down to the new year.

Yeah. But they film it in like July or whatever, you know? Yeah. I also heard that they moved the studio right down to Kent because that's where George Holland lives. But that doesn't strike me as the kind of thing the BBC would do. Because everything the BBC would do because everything the BBC do is studied

and like any kind of excess like that you know we can talk about different ways the BBC is funded but like

any kind of excess would be exposed by the Daily Mail if they did if they were seen to do anything out of the ordinary that would be exposed

as a situation it would be used as a stick to beat yeah right exactly absolutely right alright Pete let's have a little break

when we come back we will we'll do some more transfixed by the clock man I was I was looking at it with his eyes going

just time total I tried to make a a rumour up there it was like Barack Obama in it or something yeah rumoured it was someone famous but I couldn't really think about it.

I just didn't put it off so I just fucking saved it up. Or Vic Reeves or something. Anyway. He's mates with him, isn't he? More New Year's Eve chat on Thursday.

We're going to take a break. When we come back we'll do some more. We had so many good emails about people's good and bad Christmases that we'll do a few more of those.

Cool. Just the other side of this. Lovely. It's the Luke and Pete show. It's part two of the Luke and Pete show you were listening to like five seconds ago. Yeah. And we're back.

I don't think people will be confused, will they? Will they be confused? By the way... I'm confused all the time, Luke. I mean, come on. Before we get into these emails, have you heard of a podcast series called Sweet Bobby? Yes, I listened to four.

Good, right? Good, um the the thing has just been revealed uh but i didn't go further than that i was like oh yeah no it's don't you care anymore it's very kind of distinct it's got two distinct kind of stages to it yes like before times and then after time yeah okay i thought it was good oh that was good I thought it was good I thought you were going to I catfishing is personal and difficult yeah but there were certain stages along the way

where I went I think she might be a bit thick out of order it's not out of order I think she might be thick it's a really difficult one isn't it because you think to yourself

what would I do with that permission that's the issue I think around coercive control and the psychology of it and stuff but no

in the start bits where there's always an excuse and you sort of go I mean that I would be maybe I'm just more of a suspicious mind but then with

coercive control and kind of like someone who's stringing you along like you she's a dreamer she's a hoper she's a lover

fundamentally it needs to be you have to be a certain kind of person I think I'm cynical anyone who's ever swinging you along like you she's a dreamer she's a hawper she's a lover fundamentally it needs to be you have to be a certain kind of person I think yeah yeah yeah I'm cynical anyone who's ever been

interested in me your heart's like a stone isn't it like a stone yeah it's just kind of like anyone who's ever interested in me

I'm always like what's this about what's going on what's the rub what's the work here if you're going to collect five geeks and get a free cup of coffee

what's going on I don't think you're a geek I'm very suspect oddball oddball a man who belongs on the fringe of society as you always used to say

I think that's fair but you took that as an insult I don't think you should it's nice of the fringes if I said to you oh there's something interesting happening out there exactly

the problem with you the thing about you Pete is that you're just really down the middle mainstream you'd be offended by that as well. Yeah, I like being, I'm on the fringes, I'm with the Geordie dancer,

who dances outside the Cenotaph. The Huddersfield rapper. The Huddersfield rapper, Papa Lackey, I don't know, all them. The guy you, Lawrence, Huttlipool's Lawrence. Huttlipool's Lawrence, RIP. How did he die again? Can't talk about it.

I think he had a heart attack. Oh, okay. He was implicated in a murder case, but he obviously had nothing to do with it. Bloody hell, you sound like the man Jeff Epstein over there, mate. When you're an oddball in Hartlepool, did you murder someone?

It's like, no, I didn't. I'm just an oddball. Leave me alone. Yeah, I'm just different to you. Just different to you. Like the guy who walks up and down the road up here who's got a dog in a pushchair. I've not seen this guy,

but I very much like to see him. What's this guy? Yeah, you sort of see him on the way into work. Oh, you probably don't come in not seeing this guy but I very much like to see him. What's this guy? Yeah, you sort of see him on the way into work. Oh, you probably don't come in the same way as me so you don't see him. What?

He's always walking his dog. I don't want to kind of cast aspersions over him. He's a human being worthy of respect but he does take his dog for a walk

but put his dog in a pushchair. But it might be an old dog. It's not. Oh. Doesn't look like one to me. Doesn't look like one. Maybe it is then

and maybe he's just giving him a little walk out. It just does look like one. Maybe it is then. Maybe he's just giving him a little walk out. It just does look odd. Yeah, I like it. Anyway, Rich, I hope you're delighted to be read out after that chat. He's got in touch about his worst Christmas ever. Yeah. So strap yourselves in for this one.

He says, hi, Luke and Pete. Long time listener. First time emailer. And what always impresses me is that a lot of these emails we ask for people have to take a lot of time to write them out yeah this one i appreciate you crafting it in this yeah i appreciate that i appreciate the time invested long time listener first time emailer says rich i felt i had to email him about my worst ever christmas as a new father of an 11 month old and a big fan of christmas me and the wife i have access to decided that instead of spending it

elsewhere we would host christmas and begin some new family traditions. What a lovely idea. What a lovely thing to do. That's nice. My parents, for the first time in 30 plus years, agreed that they would come to us instead of hosting themselves. Everything was ready. We made a lovely, albeit ugly, gingerbread house on Christmas Eve,

and I prepared the turkey for the big day. As my parents were en route to us, the wife I have access to was the first to get struck down with a nasty bout of norovirus. Oh, no. Terrible timing. My parents arrived and I informed them that she was ill upstairs and it was likely going to be a grim Christmas

for her away from the rest of us. Later that evening, I was next to the... Sorry, later that evening, I was next to fall, meaning that by Christmas morning both of us were utterly unable to look after our son

on his first Christmas awful thankfully as my parents were there they were able to look after him my mum carried my son down the stairs

early Christmas morning though and slipped slamming her foot into the stair gate at the bottom of the stairs in pain but playing the trooper she carried on

looking after my son and my wife and I made a small amount of effort to go downstairs for the present opening. At the end of this important part of Christmas, it was clear my mum would need some medical attention

as her pain had increased. Oh God. Despite her protests, my dad insisted she go to A&E and after one of the shortest ever waits in an A&E on record, it was established by a poor mum

had actually broken a bone in her leg. What? On returning to the house, she then got struck down with the norovirus as well. Because obviously by this point, my words, not Rich's, the house was clearly a fucking plague pit.

To just top these things off, this left my dad to cook Christmas dinner for himself. The rest of us were too ill to move from the bathroom and certainly not in the festive mood. I love that. The dad's just there cooking dinner for himself. On Boxing Day, as my mum's symptoms slowed, they took the opportunity to head home.

No sooner did they get home than my dad was the last man standing, but finally defeated and joined the rest of us in experiencing the worst Christmas you could want. All in all, the Christmas that shall not be named has gone down in folklore in my family, and we are not going to host anyone on Christmas Day anytime soon. All the best, Rich. I hope your family has a lovely time this year.

They deserve it. I hope they did. Yeah. My main worry is genuinely, because I get, you know, I've got a poody tum tum all the time. I would hate to get food poisoning or norovirus

at someone else's house. Yeah. You just want to be home, don't you? You want to be home. You want to have access to a toilet that you just sort of sleep in or whatever. Like, I, you just want to be home, don't you? You want to be home, you want to have access to a toilet that you just sort of sleep in or whatever. Like, I just don't want to be worrying about other people's ablution routine

on top of my own. You know what I mean? You just want to go, oh my God, I just need to shit. But someone else is shitting, I've got to hold this shit. Oh God. But you feel like...

And the smells and the noises and the sounds and the smells. And you feel like you're sullying someone else's house. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I can remember, I mean, this might tell you a lot about what's happened to me since, but I remember being, I may have told you this story before, one of my best friends at the time, Dave Watson, good lad. Good lad. And his old man sadly passed away. He was a really good lad as well. And he was the kind of dad, he was like, right, we're going to cut the big tree in the front garden down and you two are going to help me.

And we were like 13 and it was like amazing. Like, yeah, fucking definitely. So anyway, he cut the tree down. But before he did, I had to cut some of the branches off it. And he cut one of the branches off it and it was quite a big branch and it landed on my head. Yeah.

Right. Shouldn't have happened. Shouldn't have happened. He should have been responsible. I think I got knocked out. Right. And the reason I'm saying that is because I woke up in my friend David's bed.

Yeah. Pants around the wrong way. No. And I was being sick all the time. Oh, wow. Bad. That's bad. I'm pretty sure he knew my parents.

I'm sure he told them, and it was fine, because it was the fucking early 90s, and it was whatever. These things happen. Yeah. Don't worry about it. But I can remember...

A clear spinal liquid going out your nose. Yeah, yeah. It's fine. Yeah, look at that, my ear hole. Yeah, shit myself. Yeah. But I can remember being sick in their house and even though they literally lived in the same road,

just right up the other end, I remember just thinking, I just want to be home. But I couldn't get home. Oh, Luke. And then my mate Dave, he was like, how are you feeling? I was like, yeah, I'm feeling a bit better. It was really sweet of him to do in retrospect.

But he was like, oh, I bought you a Mars bar. I was like, all right, wicked, thanks. And I ate it. Sick again, obviously. Oh, no. Yeah, so all I'm saying is that it's not great being outside of your own home when you're sick, right? Oh, I've got terrible, terrible brain injuries. Yeah, well, you've literally had half your brain removed by a big tree.

Yeah, it's bad, isn't it? It's fucking horrible. It is bad. Oh, yeah, yeah. Different times. Different times. Let's squeeze one more email in before we go. There's one there from Cameron Peaks.

Do you want to do it? It's about an awkward Christmas. I'll find Cameron. No, I don't want to bookmark that. That's not what I want to do. Cameron, it's awkward Christmas. Hey, lads, short time, first time. I thought I Cameron. No, I don't want to bookmark that. That's not what I want to do. Cameron, it's Awkward Christmas. Hey, lads. Short time, first time.

I thought I'd tell you about the time my younger brother taught me a valuable lesson at Christmas time. That's a lot of time. That's four times in the first sentence. Time for lessons. As a kid, days at my grandma's house were long and boring

and very little conversation was had. In an attempt to break the cycle of complete boredom, one day my brother asked about the electric pencil sharpener on my grandma's desk, and feigned interest in it for a few minutes just to get some sort of conversation flowing. I know the feeling. Fast forward two weeks to Christmas Day,

I'm opening the new PlayStation game I'd wanted for months as my brother opens his gift to find an electronic pencil sharpener. I knew where that was going straight away. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, dear. Oh, no. I hear what comes next here.

My at-the-time six-year-old brother is unable to keep his emotions in check and immediately bursts into tears. This turns into quite a big argument between my mum and my grandmother and a very tense Christmas lunch. However, it taught me a valuable lesson. Never show interest in anything within a month of Christmas. And that is

an excellent lesson. I wouldn't have been able to be, I would have had to pretend to like it. There is a, yeah, I think I would too. Yeah.

But I would have cajoled my parents into buying the right thing. I think I'd... But you would know because you don't know, do you? Oh no,

I would have cajoled them into getting me that right thing. Did you used to... But you would know because you don't know, do you? Oh no, I would have congealed them to get me the exact right thing. Did you used to look for Christmas presents? Every last fucking Christmas ruined by me and my inquisitiveness. Did you used to pretend

that you were the surprise? Yep. No one suspects it? I'd asked for something and I was like, I really want an Omega 1200. It'd be amazing. And I was like,

where the fuck is it? Where is it? And I found every big present I've ever had scumbag but your parents knew that you had or they didn't know

no no they didn't know no because you think you think like as a kid you always think you're under suspicion for things that you've done

you know what I mean like they're always looking for but when you live in a house with kids the kids are always just fucking with stuff anyway so that you wouldn't

remember where you left something because some kid would come along and fucking moved it or knocked it over or smashed it or eaten it or something. So you'd never really know where things were anyway. So you'd just be like, I'll put it in that cupboard. I won't worry about it. And I was looking for traps and stuff that my dad had put,

like a single hair across the corner of the door. But in reality, he's just like, if he fucking finds it, he's found it. He's a dickhead. But you didn't believe in Santa Claus? dickhead but you didn't believe in Santa Claus you what you didn't believe in Santa Claus

as a kid no no from about three I didn't believe in Santa Claus why I don't know I just don't think

there was any it was clearly my parents what does my dad what does Santa know about the Omega 500 entertainment series box you were not

a normal child not a normal child I want to squeeze one more in before we go I've become a not a normal boy. I'm not a normal child. No. I want to squeeze one more in before we go. I've become a not a normal boy. Because I think people have taken the time to eat my lint.

So we should get for as many as we can. Hero Quest is back. Oh, is it? Yeah. I used to love Hero Quest. Yes, please. And Space Crusade.

I've said it before. My first ejaculation was during a... My first ejaculation was during a show. Well, a? A fucking Christmas show. Well, a post-Christmas show. It was during... I was playing the Amiga version of Hero Quest.

It was like they did a video game version. A turn-based. And I felt all funny. And then... Whoa! The journey begins. The thing that ruined my life. All over a couple of fucking orcs and a dwarf

fantastic what email do you want to read I can't fucking do it I can't you've never told us that before I have I have why wasn't it I spuffed on her pillow

wasn't there a box and wench involved in that I don't think there was no I don't think there was any women in there. Maybe she was like an elf or something, but that wasn't what I was expecting. I just felt, I just remember. Were you robbing yourself?

Everyone, I guess, no. I don't think, I was just sort of like, I feel funny. It's the most innocent fucking thing. I was saying an Amiga version of it. If you put your life into an algorithm and said, how did this man first ejaculate? It would be this

Amiga check computer game check into a pillow check version of a role playing game on the Amiga

yeah furtive glances check I might play it again see if it reignites maybe it's like a Pavlovian reaction yes my god

I hope not but everyone remembers their first that'll be a fucking Patreon show hello look at pbeatshow.com anyway Josh I'm sorry that you

have had to follow that let us know Josh okay right Josh has emailed in with an email about a garage sack okay good I don't know what it is

lovely there's less about your sack more about his garage sack are you doing it or do you want me to do it I'll smash it out go for it Josh emailed a while back

about his dad sharing an x-ray dick pic on Facebook yeah classic a wonderful classic email yeah very much our level you know you sort of you furry your brow

when I'm dirty but he's been dirty as well with his dad's cock so you asked for Christmas related emails and I wanted to answer your call to action

by describing my favourite festive tradition the playing of Garage Sack it's just weird the best thing about Christmas time is in my rather boring home of Chesham I love Chesham by the way favourite festive tradition, the playing of Garage Sack. It's just weird. The best thing about Christmas time is in my rather boring home of Chesham. I love Chesham, by the way.

Lovely part of the world. Buckinghamshire. Lovely, yes. Beautiful part of the world. Is that old friends have escaped to greener pastures, returned for family visits, providing rare opportunities to meet up.

These meets would often take place at my residence, the pubs in the area being A, rubbish, and B, closed on 25th at least. After fulfilling family commitments, one or two friends would visit my place for late-night drinks and at many such meets, king-size roll-up cigarettes were shared in my garage. One fateful night in December 2010,

my brother, two friends and I were merrily doing what we did in the garage when one of us picked up a semi-inflated Pilates ball about half the size of a football. We started playing some form of keepy-uppy with very relaxed rules about which part of the body could we use to strike the half-inflated sack-like object. On every subsequent trip to the garage that night, we carried on with the game, and at some point, the term garage sack was coined by one or other of us.

This seemingly innocuous event would send ripples through time. We played several more times before the end of the festive season that year, and every subsequent year until Christmas 2016, after which I moved abroad. Over its six-year lifespan, Garage Sack developed as we created more imaginative ways of sacking. In its final form,

it was a blend of volleyball and basketball where the goal was to pass the sack around the garage before eventually scoring into a collapsible storage box that was hung on the wall like a basketball ring. You just needed to create the longest, most stylish build-ups possible before spectacularly finishing with a head, chest, shoulder, or in any way that looked really

cool. At its peak, we had 15 people crammed into the garage. Silly, I know, but I genuinely look forward to this every single year. It was ultimately about friends that rarely got to see each other meeting up and having a laugh. It saddens me that we've moved on in our lives now, and the days of of garage sack are behind us and maybe it could be resurrected

one day maybe not all i know is that i'm richer for having sacked and that those seven garage sack christmases will be always remembered fondly best wishes have an excellent christmas josh what a lovely wholesome email what oh garage sack garage sack man yeah that sounds great in the professional game I'll be up for it I'll be up for a game of garage sack oh listen

anything that gets me out of playing hero quest on the Amiga with Pete works well for me there's an orc over there oh my god great stuff thank you very much Josh I

think it's only fair we give you the final word yeah on on today's Christmas special definitely we hope you continue to have a lovely festive period we'll be

back on Thursday the 30th for more of this nonsense keep your emails coming in we'll probably squeeze a few more Christmas themed ones

in because it is still technically Christmas around then before looking on with horror at another year ticking past and wondering what 2022 holds

for us could be anything couldn't it after the last couple of years pretty much stay safe look after yourselves and each other and we'll speak to you again soon say goodbye Peter and wondering what 2022 holds for us. Could be anything, couldn't it, after the last couple of years? Pretty much. Stay safe, look after yourselves and each other, and we'll speak to you again soon.

Say goodbye, Peter. Goodbye, Peter, bye. It's goodbye from me too. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network.