The Luke and Pete Show - Climbing out of your toilet in a diving helmet

Episode Date: September 15, 2022

This time around on The Luke and Pete Show, Donny considers attacking one of his neighbours in a frightening, yet also confusing, way and both men consider a spin off series involving hunting down some UFOs. Luke would love it, Pete would be angry about doing it.There's also a man marrying a hologram (not Pete), some incredibly problematic action figures, and the latest scandal to hit Luke's neighbourhood Whatsapp group. To get in touch, it's [e-mail]!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. It's the Luke and Pete show. I'm Pete Donaldson. I'm joined by Luke Moore. And it's Thursday the 15th of September. Fact fans, I've not actually Googled what happened Thursday 15th of September. It's my birthday next week. What?

Yeah. Oh God, I've got the baps. It's my birthday next week. What? Yeah. Oh, God, I've got the baps. Famous dates. Historical events on the 15th of September include...

Yeah, it's quite boring, really. Swedish troops occupy Riga. Stag do. What's boring about that? Let's have a look. A constitutionalist revolution in Lisbon. You've heard? Give us the years.

Oh, 1820 for that one. The first passenger to be killed by a railway train, 1830. Round of applause. That's a contribution to life, that. That is. I think I remember that. Were they demonstrating it? You don't remember that. It was in 1830.

You don't remember it. I remember the story. He was an MP. Oh, was he? Yeah, he was run over by Robert Stevenson's pioneering locomotive, the Rocket, which I imagine he was very pleased that happened.

To me, the frustration would be just being forgotten. Yeah, true. I've always been known for that forever and I was quite an old person when it happened. I wouldn't mind, but if it were to be forgotten instantly, it would be a bit of a shame. Well, he'd been diagnosed with strangery,

a symptom characterised by painful frequent urination of small volumes. It's just good. And he'd undergone surgery for it, and he'd been advised by the Royal Doctor to cancel all forthcoming appointments, which included the opening

of the Liverpool and Manchester Railway. This is like the start of 999 or casual... I thought you were going to say you'd advise to not throw himself under a train. Darling, I really must. Oh, don't go and do that. You've just had a strangery operation.

Yeah, but he was... So he rode down the line in a special train constructed for the Duke of Wellington. This train was the only train on the south track. The other seven were in procession on the northern track. He decided to, yeah, although the company had implicitly warned passengers to remain on the trains while this took place, some of the dignitaries on board alighted. And he, one of those who got off was Huskerson, who approached the Duke of Wellington to take this opportunity to repair their relationship after a great falling out.

And he shook his hand and then he just basically got absolutely mashed up by the train, the rocket. How fast was it going, does it say? It was a rocket, I don't know, pretty quick you'd imagine. Yeah, but the expectations were lower then, weren't they? What a silly sausage. What a silly sausage. Yeah. He was known to be clumsy and he endured a long list of problems

through his regular trips and falls. He'd twice broken his arm and never recovered the use of it. And he just sounded like he was an absolute wreck, to be honest. Why did he? Yeah, man, that's a can of worms I've ever heard of.

Absolute can of worms. Nice little start to the show. Nice little opener. Yeah, I yeah i think so yeah don't mind that a little touch big news uh in west norwood i know we talked a little bit about your neighborhood uh or your your my neighborhood your dreadful contribution to your neighborhood like a week ago whatever it was um but there's a lot of stuff kicking off around my way all right what. What's going on? The MyStreets WhatsApp group. Okay. So MyStreets is a bit of a strange one because it, I don't know how to explain this,

but it's a very long street. It's a very residential road, but it's quite long. Yeah. And it's separated into two parts, right? So it's kind of bisected by another road. And then when you get over that road, you go further on,

but you're still on my road, if you know what I mean. Do you understand what I'm saying? So if you were, say, looking for number 50 on my street, you'd be able to find it fairly easily. But if you were to look for number two, you'd find it very hard because you'd look like you were coming to the end of the road, but you actually aren't. I see, right. Yeah i see right yeah yeah so you go over the road and you carry on anyway so there's always chat about how deliveries aren't being delivered and all the rest

of it and shit's going missing and blah and there's a lot to be honest like listen i've got i can't say it too loudly because kieran next door will hear me speaking because the walls are very thin and i'm not he i don't want to offend anyone. Kieran's a good lad, but it's not about him. But I'm just saying, like, there's a lot of complaining about shit that doesn't need to be complained about, even in basically central London, which is surprising, right? You normally think of that as being quite a kind of suburban thing. Yeah. And so anyway, the other thing about this group in my area

is that it's populated by, like, liberal lefty kind of types that you'd expect in London, but also real busybodies. Right. So it's a bit of a combination. That's where worlds collide. So the other day, this is a very long run up to basically saying the other day there was a guy standing on the corner of one of the intersected streets at like 9 p.m., right? Couldn't be doing anything. I don't know why, but he was apparently there. And I wasn't even here, so I couldn't comment on it.

And I've muted the group. It's only when my wife alerts me to stuff that I look at it, yeah. And people were saying, you know, well, there was a man standing there for an hour. And so I called the police. And the police came. Yeah, right, exactly right. And the police came by and they couldn't find any evidence of any crimes. Anyway, I just think we just need to be very, very vigilant.

And of course, all these kind of pinkos are like, well, why did you call the police? Like, a bloke standing on the street corner, it's not a crime to do that. And I think there's a kind of, I think there's probably like a there's kind of racist microaggression undertones to it yeah i don't know if the guy was black you know black or white i don't know but that's kind of what people suggest as a basis it's all just

kicking off right anyway so the other day i was out for a run and i ran down the street and i saw a load of crowd of people um and i thought oh God, they're having like a big row about this, like on the street. So I was running past. And as I was running past, one of them called over to me in the middle of my run. They said they saw me coming out of my house. And I thought, oh, no, they're going to get me involved. They're going to actually get me involved. They're going to be like, oh, he lives at 46.

So he must be that guy. So I ran over the road to see them, took my headphones out. I was like, all right, what's going on? actually get me involved they're gonna be like oh he lives at 46 so he must be that guy so i ran over the road to see them took my headphones i was like all right what's going on and they were like oh um can you take a photo of us please because we're one of us is moving house and we want to get a big neighborhood photo and it was actually nothing there was nothing going on but anyway the point being that what's also now happening is i don't know if you've heard of this in your area but apparently people are stealing catalytic converters from cars. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like a big thing, right?

Yeah, and I don't know why they're so... It's not titanium, is it? What's the thing? Not lithium. Is it platinum? Platinum, that's the boy. They just seem very stealable, don't they? You'd think they'd make them harder to sort of remove.

Yeah, I don't understand how it works. How does it actually work? You just jack up the car, get underneath, couple of bolts, you've made a bit of money. I think it's a pretty decent... I think it's like a couple of hundred quid you get per one, I think. Yeah, rhodium, palladium and platinum, apparently. So people are kicking off about that.

So I think people are putting two and two together. In this case, they've got five and they think someone's just waiting around to steal someone's shit. Right. putting two and two together in this case they've got five and they think oh someone's just waiting around to steal someone's shit um right but usually usually criminals they just get down to it to be honest they don't like especially with a car like what they're waiting for yeah i mean i don't i don't i don't know i think we have had a couple of instances on our street we've had uh sadly a few teenagers were stabbed at the top of our road no one was killed but there was an incident there on new year's eve uh we've had a drunk driver flipping his car on our street which is quite shocking a lot of people because the street's so kind of residential and quiet normally and people don't

really come down it um so yeah there's been a lot of stuff going on but i just i don't know like the thing that reminded me of it is when you talked about your neighbor putting a note for your door in like such a passive aggressive way i just think to myself this is like these whatsapp groups just or facebook groups or whatever they are and it's a really easy way for people to chip off without actually wanting to solve anything no so if you've got a problem with a guy down the street or the woman up the street if you went down there and said oh did you know this is happening what's going on kind of thing you might find that there'd be either a completely different explanation or that they might want some help.

Do you know what I mean? Or you could kind of get together and solve the problem. But no one seems to want to do that now. And I wonder whether these things are actually detrimental to the community rather than helping it. Well, I think certainly the Facebook pages for pretty much every area, it's just people going, oh, there's so much rubbish on the floor. It's like, fucking pick it up then.

Oh, really? People complain about that, yeah? Just rubbish on the floor there's like we're in a situation where um uh foxes just go in your bin so you can't put your bins out uh until uh the morning of uh the bins get collected and some people don't do that they put it out um before and so of course the foxes uh have carte blanche to just fucking you know tear the fuck out of the bins and chomp on the chicken and all that stuff. But it's just life, though, isn't it? If you're going to whinge about every goddamn thing that happens to you,

you know, or you just fucking get on with it. Like, when we were away, that's twice, like, when I've been away, like, some kids have egged the house. Your house? Yeah. Well, once with the egg. Why are you guys so hated? This is like a proper pattern now.

Yeah. No, some kids were just running around. Because it's school holidays. And it's like our area is a bit of a mix of a nice area and a rough area. Because that's what life is, isn't it? There's a rough area next to a nice area. We're in our area. But it gets a bit rougher if you go towards somewhere else

and that's just the way it is that's the way it goes and yeah he just egged our house and stood next door he just wiped the window he didn't even tell us

until we got back he went oh some lad's egged your window and there was a tin of paint outside your house so I brought it inside because I thought I'd chuck that around

solid blog solid I reckon he's the one writing the letters hiding plain sight we asked him I said who's the one writing the letters. Hiding plain sight. We asked him, I said, who's written this letter? And he went, yeah,

it's probably the ones you think it is. But the people who lived in the house before us, they had a problem with them as well. So, sounds like they're just a little bit too fucking passag for anyone. I've got a mate, I've got a mate who won't remain nameless, his name's Duncan,

who is very, very good at embarking upon campaigns of hate um towards people who are unfair to him yeah okay yeah nice not in an evil way not in a kind of you know unacceptable way or intolerant way just if someone comes across his radar being unreasonable or being a dickhead he will always exact a very kind of poetic vengeance upon them and uh i could probably speak to him if you want to see what to do yeah well i i'm fairly certain the um the main line to the sewer goes under our house so i reckon i could climb if i sort of made an entry point in our drain i could climb up their fucking toilet right i will start a patron now if you do that right get myself a little uh i've got my diving helmet i put my big diving helmet on and

i just climb up there uh just confusing for them she's like if that was me and you popped out of my toilet wearing a diving helmet it'd just be be confusing. How loud is the dog now? It would just be a case of, what are you doing? Rather than, I'm frightened. I'm frightened. Well, I think it'd be a mix of both. It'd be an alloy of both, I think. Yeah, definitely wear your waistcoat,

get yourself a diving helmet on. Go round there with a diving helmet on. Yeah, indeed. They can't do anything to you then. They cannot do anything to you because you'll be protected by a very very heavy alloy kind of diving helmet um all right peter let's have a quick break um within which hopefully we'll need to incur the wrath of any of our neighbors and then when we come back it's time to do some battery brands because it's that time of the week already can you believe certainly is oh it's the Look at Pete show.

I am the Pete part of it and Luke is with me. We're going to do some battery brands, batteries. Three of them, if you're lucky. Michael has got in touch and he has found a battery on a recent trick. No, a recent trip to Morocco. Maybe it was a trick. Maybe he fell asleep and missed a tea and they'd put a pill in his Morocco. Maybe it was a trick. Maybe he fell asleep at Mr. T and they'd put a pill in his burger.

Possible. That seems very problematic nowadays, doesn't it? Yeah. Anyway, during a recent trip to Morocco. Morocco, I've got absolutely no concept of what it is like apart from bazaars and spices in little pyramids. Yeah, I think it's probably really problematic of us to say that,

but I don't really know that much about Morocco myself, mate. Luke, I have played the hitman level that's set in Morocco, and it's basically bald men in traditional Arab dress that you've stolen off a dead man jumping over walls and lockpicking and setting traps all around the spice markets of Morocco. Sounds pretty good. That's pretty much Morocco.

That was Michael. He was in Morocco and his fiancée was struck down with a violent case of the runs. I took the opportunity to have a poke around for some battery entries and i found these bad boys in the air conditioning remote it's just good that you were just on hand to help i also like the fact that he sent a picture of him and his fiance standing in front of a load of massive cannabis plants as well good stuff uh

well michael's come in with uh gritty super Heavy Duty, and also Boss Premium as well. So Gritty, no. Sorry, Michael. But Boss Premium, yes, they are new players. Congratulations to you. Yay! Congratulations, Michael, and good job on the old double bubble on the email.

Gritty, Super Heavy Duty sounds like what she was experiencing. Kevin! Greetings, gentlemen. While setting up a new LG TV, I found these DailyMax bad boys in the TV remote, the kind of remote you can only find in hotel rooms that has 80 buttons on a tiny remote. New player!

When we were in Cardiff at the weekend, they gave us our TV remote in a little Ziploc bag. We went, this has been sterilised. Yeah, I've seen that. We didn't use it in the end. I've seen that. But are you expected to take it out of the bag, though? I don't know,

but Daily Macs aren't a new player. In terms of... So, sorry, Kevin. The bag, I mean, I think they probably want you to take it out and they'll re-sterilise it again, but maybe...

Because you could technically use it within the bag, couldn't you? Yeah. Might be a bit weird, though. So why even... Yeah, I don't know, to be honest.

Hello to Aidan. Finally for now, here's a treat. Hello, gentlemen and Luke. That's a diss. Recently, my two-year-old son found my old talking boonie and beefy. David Boone and Sir Ian Botham Collectibles. They used to talk to each other during the cricket TV coverage here in Australia back in the early 2000s.

Now, they look fucking brilliant. So they are promotional little figurines for Victoria Bitter. A drink I don't think I've ever flirted with, to be honest. They've got three AA batteries in them, and apparently they just chatter on to each other. I think they're AAAs, mate. Are they AAAs? Yeah, looks like it to me. They would pick up a frequency in the commentary...

What? Oh, so they would pick up a frequency in the commentary on the television and start a conversation with each other and occasionally out of nowhere, when the cricket wasn't even on, Booney would be heard saying things like, is it bin night tonight? Anyway, I thought it best to remove the original batteries in case they leaked and found these Vinny Extra Heavy Duty AAAs.

What do we think? A chance of a new player, maybe? I think they came free with a carton of VB Stubbies. So much value in a carton of VB Stubbies, fellow. This is absolutely fantastic news. I'm less excited about the Vinny Extra Heavy Duty because I'm fairly certain, Aidan, that we've had Vinny extra heavy duty so many times. Yeah. And pretty recently as well. But if we can move on to the Booney and the Beefy.

Yeah, so can I ask Pete, so obviously you know who Ian Botham Beefy is, right? Do you know who David Boone is? No. Would he be likely to post a picture of his cock on the internet? I don't really know if I can answer that truthfully, because I'm fairly certain he hasn't done that. But my opinion is there is potential for it. I guess he's got the required material.

Let me answer it this way. They're both very good friends. Right, okay. way they're both very good friends right okay yeah oh so you reckon that like do you reckon that uh beefy beefy botham said hello david i think what i'm doing really into in the moment is putting my penis on the internet and pretending i've been hacked it doesn't speak anything like that how does he talk like what's he talking how does he talk like he sort of talks like this doesn't he i don't like women if they want to post as the nappies they can it's all i done yeah i suppose you've got the timbre right you've got the kind of attitude right i think you've got the actual voice but yeah i understand what you're saying you've got the energy right so yeah okay david boone is an australian cricketer who looks great what a look he looks like a proper

with a massive mustache wow australian listeners will be to fill the blanks in here but he's well known for having shall we say a colorful character very hard drinking very like party heavy time and i like the fact that like in cricket around that time like you could look like that and still have a reputation for being a real party boy. Right, okay. The thing that he became kind of most known for outside of his kind of cricket, cricketing achievements is that every time they played the Ashes, England's cricket team would either travel to Australia

and Australia's team or Australia's team would travel to England, right? And they would compete in the Ashes every few years or whatever it is. Excuse me. And it became a big thing that the record for the amount of beers you could consume on that flight. I have, yes, okay. And David Boone apparently still has the record today because obviously, you know, professional sport's

not like it used to be. But apparently from Sydney to London in 1989, he drank 52 cans of beer yeah that's that's um it's a lot of trips to the toilet in it were they broke the seal there you're in big trouble were they uh were they uh v uh vb stubbies maybe maybe they maybe they must have been yeah they must have been little small cans i mean he's promoting he's promoting vb there victoria bitter there isn't he so yeah i just want? Yeah. I just want to know the whole... So when the television production was on,

they would transmit a specific radio signal, a sound signal that the VB, Victoria Bitters, Booney and Beethy characters would pick up and they'd start to chatter at different times. Which makes it kind of all the sadder that those frequencies are lost to the sands of time so they'll never be they will fall silent forever you don't know what the um a health expert for the australian um whatever it is australian health service uh thought about the campaign. Right, yeah. Called it a dog whistle marketing strategy directed at the heavy drinkers.

It's good stuff. I just think it's... I just find it sad that these characters will never talk again because no one will be able to find that audio signal to play it for those characters to speak again. There's a little challenge for you, mate. I reckon you could probably engineer some kind of workaround for that

and buy a couple of those figurines yourself, I would say. Apparently they came free with a carton of like VB stubbies, yeah. Well, wasn't there a guy, so on a similar tack, there was a man, it's actually in the running order here,

a man who married a hologram in Japan. He could no longer communicate with his virtual wife because the server, the company owns the server, the company owns the technology... I heard about this, yeah. ...to allow the fictional character to talk. They've just... they've gone bust or whatever,

and so now they don't run the service anymore, which means that the virtual wife can't speak anymore. So it's a little bit when they had to release uh when they had to sort of come up with a solution for um uh who's that uh who wrote the history of fucking time uh steven hawking steven hawking when they had to replace his voice box uh with a similar thing but they found it very difficult to find the chips and they found the technology to recreate exactly the timbre and the way that voice box would have been made in the 80s or whatever.

It's very, very weird. Should someone be able to have the ability to marry a hologram though? Is it a deeper issue at play here? Well, I mean, bearing in mind that in Japan there was a famous case two weeks ago i think where they have a train ticket that uh if you are woman and man man and wife uh you can um get a a cheaper train ticket because you get, you know, a partner's discount or whatever. But even though a gay couple had had their wedding ratified by the Japanese government just for some weird reason,

the JR, Japanese Royal Company, wouldn't ratify this cheaper ticket. It's just a very, quite a repressive sight. Right, but that's outrageous. That's not comparable, is it? Well, it's a mixture of a society who are scared of bending rules and also being a society that are just obsessed

with what people fucking get up to in the bedroom in many cases. But I'm just saying that they are that that he's allowed to marry um he's allowed to marry hadsuni miku the the the the virtual character uh for 15 years uh but but but they can't enjoy the fruits of a of a loving relationship aka cheaper train travel yeah well that's a bonus i mean it should be it should be absolutely eligible and i think that's outrageous um peter changing trains slightly should be absolutely eligible, and I think that's outrageous. Peter, changing trains slightly, I had a conversation on,

a brief conversation with a listener online last week. Right. About my behaviour? Just specifically about your behaviour, yeah. Yeah, thank you. And they said, because I shared a screenshot of a handful of WhatsApp messages you sent to me about how angry you would be if you were to encounter a UFO. Yeah, I'd be really pissed off because I'm so not into UFOs

and if it happened to... I was watching the film Nop a couple of days, a few days ago. Oh, yeah, good movie, right? Yeah, fun, fun, a lot of fun. A lot of people I know don't seem to like it though, which I don't really understand. I don't think it was as good as his other two movies that I've seen, but I still liked it.

Yeah, I liked it too. But yeah, they're in a... And I was watching it, I was like going, I mean, it does look fucking amazing. It would be amazing if a UFO landed. So I'm back on top. Oh, you're good, okay. Well, that's good, because it's good to hear,

because the listener in question who replied was talking about they would pay to listen to a couple of episodes of Luke and Pete's show, UFO Hunters, where we go out into a UFO hotspot in the UK and try and find them. Yeah. Is there a UFO spot in the UK? Yeah, there is. It's in Suffolk, I think. What a surprise. Well, I'd love you to elaborate on that. No.

Not elaborating. Not elaborating it. I've got to do some more research into it, but I think it's Suffolk. There might be one in Scotland as well, but I'm going to double check. I mean, probably based around Air Force bases, right? Yeah, or pubs.

Yeah. Well, that's what we found out before. We got people to send in their encounters and they were all on the way. Every single email was like, on the way back from a pub one night. Anyway. All right, Peter, that's probably about

all we've got time for this time around. Yeah. So why don't we bid our lovely listeners adieu and say we'll see them on Monday. I think we've got a treat coming up because you and I are off overseas, aren't we? So we're going to record a couple of episodes from wherever it is we're going.

We certainly are. So listen out for that. I think they'll got a treat coming up because you and I are off overseas, aren't we? So we're going to record a couple of episodes from wherever it is we're going. We certainly are. So listen out for that. I think they'll probably be the next episodes you hear, actually. You've got to try and get the calendar right, but it sounds like they will be. So look out for that. Listen out for that. Keep it locked on The Luke and Pete Show. Make sure you hit that subscribe button to make sure you don't miss an episode.

And, yeah, we'll be back with you on Monday. And we'd like to uh give massive congratulations to ben bella uh who was elected the first president of algeria uh this day in 1963 so congratulations to you ben um all the very best i'm hoping taking the real fly here hoping you didn't have a truly horrific political career. Let's have a look, shall we? He died in 2012. Ill as death and state funeral. You've got to state a funeral. House arrest.

Yeah, it's a pretty detailed Wikipedia, to be honest. Let's leave it. That's probably a bad sign. Rest in peace, anyway. Can't speak to other deaths, not right. Rest in peace. Farewell, everyone. We'll be back very soon with more.

Look at pictures. It's what we do. It's what we live other deaths. Not right. Peace. Farewell, everyone. We'll be back very soon with more. Look at pictures. It's what we do. It's what we live to do. See you. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network. Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it.

Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton All Access Membership Separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running.