The Luke and Pete Show - Crutches, Coconuts and Cats on Ketamine

Episode Date: April 26, 2021

On today’s show, Luke and Pete discuss the injuries they accrued over the weekend, with potholes, ketamine and day-old pizza involved…it’s been a tough one. We’ve also got plenty of time for monster truck drag racing, sandy sandwiches and some fan mail from an incredibly enthusiastic parrot. Your standard dose of nonsense… and then some.This week we want to know...what's the biggest item your dad owns? Get in touch via email at [e-mail] or on social media at @lukeandpeteshow! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

it's the luke and pete show do your own bloody intro if you don't like it pete donaldson with you and joined by luke murlough we are in the same room we are and we are i'm enjoying your cords i'm enjoying your hoodie i'm enjoying your swollen ankle thank you very much they said it couldn't be done well here we are back in the same room again and uh have you are you really enjoying all this stuff about me or have you just forgotten what it's like? I've forgotten what it's like. I've forgotten what the,

I've forgotten what the smells are like. I've forgotten what you look like sometimes. It's all very exciting. I'm getting like an oral kind of, it's an assault, Luke. It's an assault on me. Is it like meeting me again for the first time? It is.

I've got to really think about whether I like what I'm seeing or not, or I've just been kind of like, I've just been kind of, what do you call it when you're kind of, you fall in love with your captor? Oh, it's the Stockholm Syndrome. Stockholm Syndrome. I think it might be a little bit of that as well. So yeah.

You'd be an ideal person to kidnap then. Because you just say, look, he doesn't know what Stockholm Syndrome is. So he's not even going to notice it. No. He won't know that this is kind of, this has happened before. He'll just be like, oh, my captor's sexy. Do you see me as a captor? Yeah, you want to be free.

But if you were on your own, you're a bit like a domesticated pet. You would last a very short amount of time on your own in the wild, I think. Wouldn't you? Well, yeah. You wouldn't know what to do. I've had a poorly tum-tum all morning. And you, my friend, are also in the wars. Yes, so we are in the wars for different reasons.

I trod in a pothole. Right. I rolled my ankle. The most hated of all the injuries, as far as you're concerned. Yeah, an ankle. My dad didn't even know that about me. He didn't even know that. And he sent me a picture of a UFC fighter doing a kick

and breaking his leg and just flopping about. Him trying to stand on his leg and going, whoa, what's happened? My leg's not there anymore. It wasn't quite that dramatic for me. No. Are potholes kind of called pots because they're like the shape and size of a normal pot?

Don't know. I actually thought about this on the way in. I thought, on the Luke and Pete show, Pete's going to ask me about my ankle. And I'm going to say I trodden a pothole. Sorry, I'm so predictive. No, it's all right. P my ankle. And I'm going to say I trodden a pothole. Sorry, I'm so predictive. No, it's alright. Predictable.

And I wondered to myself, actually, a pothole's something you get in the road, really. This is more of a rabbit warren. Right, you fell in a rabbit warren. That's fair. Yeah, but it was only very small. So where there's blame, there's a claim. Look, potholes, you can't blame any particular car, but rabbits, that's a rabbit's house. That's true. I shouldn't have even

been there. I shouldn't have even been there i shouldn't have even been interfering um and the worst thing about it was i was two hours away from the car so that's a hobbit all the way back that's ideal isn't it but i've riced ever since yeah do you know about rice uh rest igneous rock yep cheese yeah and eggs it's a delicious omelette it's an ankle omelette it It's an anklet, and I have used it, and it's made me feel a lot better. No, it's rest, ice, compression, elevation.

Nice. Okay. No, rice. So I'm good. Anyway, talk about your stomach, because I believe there are plenty of people listening to this show right now. As soon as they hear a talk of the stomach,

they're going to be like, oh, Donnie's been on the Chinese again. Donnie's been on the Chinese. It wasn't Chinese at the time. It was old pizza. Day old pizza hear a talk of the stomach, they're going to be like, oh, Donnie's been on the Chinese again. Donnie's been on the Chinese for the Chinese time. It was old pizza. Day old pizza, put it in the microwave and then just ate a roast dinner

right afterwards. It's not ideal. I can hear it going now. I can hear it gurgling away. It's like you are trying to create the perfect conditions from a stomach upset.

That's what I would do. I'd go, old food, get that down me, follow it straight up with a roast dinner, probably have a little dance. But it's an Italian.

I'll have half a glass of red wine and I'll maybe have a mouthful of toothpaste with it as well. Have I told you the story about the old... So I've got one friend who's a big wine connoisseur and I've got another friend who just likes getting pissed all the time but has no interest really in wine. Yeah, right. Guess which one I'm going to warm to the most.

Yeah. Well, my friend who isn't into the wine went to his other friend's house, my other friend's house who is into the wine, and they'd already had some beers. Yeah. And they'd been drinking most of the afternoon, I think. They went back to the wine connoisseur's house.

And the pissed guy who doesn't like the wine said, look, why don't you open a nice bottle of wine? Teach me about it. Teach me about the wine. It'll be nice. It'll be interesting. And he was like, well, I don't know, because you've already had a lot of drinks.

You probably don't remember it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just do it. Just do it. So he opens up this really nice, expensive bottle of wine, right? He's saving it for a special occasion. He didn't want to open it, but he got convinced into doing so. He opened it, poured a couple of wine, right? He saved it for a special occasion. He didn't want to open it, but he got convinced into doing so. He opened it,

poured a couple of glasses and drank a bit of it and talked to him about it. He wasn't being a bore about it because the other guy had asked him, right? And the other guy took a swig and he went,

what do you think? And he went, oh yeah, I just realised I had an extra strong mint on the way here. That's from Sideways where he goes,

he's sort of like getting shown around a vineyard and he's sort of like getting shown around a vineyard and he's testing all his wines out and his friend is he's got a chewing gum

in his hand oh you can't do that are you chewing gum you can't do a chewing gum that made me laugh in the cinema for about 20 minutes afterwards

that was a weird film wasn't it wasn't it yeah was it it's got Paul Giamatti in it who's amazing. I'm not drinking any fucking Merlot.

Yeah. And he's in Billions as well. He's very good in that. With Gingerfella. Yeah, he's a gingerfella. Damien Lewis. Right, okay. But Sideways came kind of from nowhere.

It was like an independency-ish film being made. No one really expected it to do much. It was one of those films where nothing really happens. It was more of a character study and it did really well I enjoyed it I enjoyed it

but it kind of came from nowhere I'm sure the director the Oscars I'm just glad that Lukey Moore enjoyed it I did that's what they're asking that's what they're asking

and speaking of people being in the wars my cat was in the wars last week as well oh right yeah yeah he got in a ruck got in a ruck he Got in a ruck. He brought the motherfucking ruckus, as they say.

Got a puncture wound, Pete. Right. And it turned into an abscess. Oh, it got infected and... Oh, no, no, no, no. So he had to have half his body shaved and have it drained. They're so... Yeah, I don't like abscesses, but it is spectacular and satisfying,

I imagine, when one gets drained. He's loving it now. He was very upset before. Yeah, I cannot imagine how painful and debilitating and hot. I bet the skin's really hot. Yeah. And for a cat, it's interesting, right? And it's probably the same for a dog.

They know they've got something wrong with them, and they know that you provide them with whatever they need usually, but at the same time, they really don't want to go to the vet. They know what the carry case means, so they get confused. They're upset time, they really don't want to go to the vet. They know what the carry case means. Yes. So they get confused. They're upset, but they definitely don't want to go to the vet

under any circumstances. So it's kind of, I mean, obviously I did take him to the vet. He doesn't get a say in it really. I don't have a power about it. I just do it. When the vet called me, he was like, yeah,

we have to keep him in because he needs to be sedated. Yeah. Got him sedated. He was off his tits on ketamine for the rest of the night. Ketamine. Yeah. It him sedated. He was off his tits on ketamine for the rest of the night. Ketamine. Yeah.

It was basically walking around the flat, mouth slack-jawed open, drooling, not knowing where he was going, like walking into things. And normally

he gets really upset if he can't go outside. Yeah. So I shut the door and I thought, it's going to be a terrible night because to keep him in overnight

don't normally do that. I thought, it's going to be terrible. He's going to be crying, scratching all the time. He had no idea what the door even was. He was just looking at it like it was some kind of Doors of Perception, Aldous Huxley type vibe. So yeah, he's fine now, thankfully, touch wood.

But for a bit, he was Sean Ryder. Yeah, he was. It was like having Sean Ryder in the house with a mad haircut because the side of his body's been completely shaved. If someone turned up and didn't know us at that point and looked at us and maybe didn't speak our language, they'd go, what have you done to that fucking cat?

What's wrong with that cat? What have you done to it? I encountered a cat over the weekend and I don't normally... You don't partake normally. I don't normally partake. I don't get upset if I partake normally. I don't normally partake. I don't get upset if I see a cat. I like cats.

What is it about a cat that you don't trust though? Well, this one in particular takes the things I don't trust about cats to its logical conclusion in many ways. Right, right, right. This cat, I'm very allergic to cats. I'm unbelievably allergic. If a cat shakes its fur at me

in my eyes I've just got a big face where would that happen? if I go to a cat strip club and a cat is doing a dance and if a cat does a provocative dance in my face I don't know

but like this cat so I had dogs in the house so I got in very well with the dogs obviously but this cat was one of the worst cats I've ever...

I've encountered cats. My auntie's got cats. I like them. But this one, Luke, was the worst cat. What was it doing? It was honestly... Trump. It wouldn't let me.

It wouldn't let me touch it. It wouldn't let me go near it. It would just constantly... Every time he went near. But then in the morning, he had the audacity to open the door, come in, sort of crawl on me a bit and demand that I petted it.

And when I didn't, when the one second in between. You spent the night with it. Honestly, I was stroking the cat with one hand and then the next one and then the other hand. And in between,

the one hand lifting off the cat, it would start to try and bite me because it was so angry that I had stopped petting it. That sounds amazing. It was the worst

cat Luke. It was the worst. Name and shame. I can't remember the cat. I can't remember what name it was. It was a terrible

cat. No wonder he's pissed off. You don't remember his name. The dogs are nice. It's rare you sort of see an animal that's

so angry at you. Yeah. It's just so angry. One of the things that people forget, I think, is that they think that dogs would easily rip, I mean, obviously, in the right circumstances, a dog is going to kill a cat. But a lot of dogs are terrified of cats.

Oh, this, I had a little French bulldog who was like, you know, he's all muscle and stuff. He runs over to this little dog, this little cat, and this cat is, and he is absolutely pet and stuff. He runs over to this little dog, this little cat, and this cat is just... And he is absolutely petrified. Yeah, they make themselves big. They have this weird with their tail, do a funny face. Their ears go back.

It's amazing. It's amazing. Yeah, it's incredible, really. But what was I going to say to you? Yeah, and so, yeah, I had a cat with ketamine, on ketamine around my house the whole week, which is kind of weird. And other than that, the weekend was fine, really. So what else did you get other than that the weekend was fine really

so what else did you get up to at the weekend? I just I mean there's reasons why I'm not very well I drank a lot Just say you got pissed just come in and say

you said this this morning I've got an upset stomach you know I'm alright I'll be fine but just say you got pissed Well no but the problem is that Sunday was just me eating pizza and roast

dinners, and that's what's caused the problem. It's not the plurals. Roast dinners? Well, she does make enough for three people. It's delicious. She makes an excellent roast. Did you go to a Toby Carvery this weekend? But it was just like, but I have been drinking since Thursday, so that's probably not helped either, but yeah, all good. All good. Are you getting

properly into your drinking again at the moment? Oh, I'll get right back into it, mate mate I've kind of left the Prosecco behind and I'm going back on the fizzy larkers it's nice good to be back do you like anything

that isn't fizzy no I don't is that why you make you sick you do get that when food goes off a little bit it starts to taste

a bit fizzy oh anything fruity anything vegetabley that's a bit off yeah if you leave it on a radiator for long enough it's anything

or anything creamy that's gone fizzy you're like I'm terrible at just picking the rotten bits of fruit out of If you leave it on a radiator for long enough, it's anything creamy that's gone fizzy. You're like, oh, it's gone fizzy. I'm terrible at just picking the rotten bits of fruit out of the pack. So, for example, if it's blueberries, I'll just pick the furry ones out, give the others a rinse and eat it, and I can sometimes feel it in my stomach making weird noises.

I did eat a whole pack of persimmons. That couldn't have helped. I don't even know what a persimmon is. It's like a fancy little berry wrapped in some fancy little waxy leaves. And it's, it's, it's, it's,

they're all right. They're nothing to write home about, but they are quite affordable. Oh, I have, I have seen one. I didn't know it was called that. Or is it a physalis?

What's physalis? Physalis is different. Yeah. A physalis sounds like something you shouldn't really catch. But a persimmon looks like an orange tomato. Oh, you know what? I'm talking absolute shit. Yeah, no, it is fissilis I had.

Okay, right. Where did you get that from? Waitrose were only a pound for a box. That's very good. As I compared it, they're really expensive blueberries. They have several different kinds of... They're actually quite affordable. Speaking of injuries and stuff, though,

your upset stomach, my ankle. I was thinking on the way in, because this is what the Luke and Pete show does to you. I was thinking, if I had a really serious ankle injury and we were way back in kind of caveman times, that'd be fatal for me, wouldn't it? I wouldn't be able to keep up with the pack. I wouldn't be able to get away from an animal hunting me.

An abscess might grow. A lot of people died through tooth abscesses, didn't they? Yeah. And if you had a stomach upset, they would have no idea what's wrong with you. So you might be in big trouble as well. You could just shit out. You could just die. Shit out. Well, dehydrate yourself. That's true. That's what happens.

Oh, Luke, did you see DMX's funeral at the weekend? I want to say that his coffin was on a monster truck. Yes. Oh, amazing. Monster truck and then a thousand fucking motorbike guys just cycling around. What, Hell's Angels type? No, just young lads on motorbikes.

Not cycling, motorcycling. Some young lads on... Were they invited? I don't know how they got everyone together. It looked amazing. And the monster truck looks fucking brilliant. Do you reckon he asked for that? He must have.

Well, yeah, maybe. I don't know. It looked fucking great. What a way to go. Can I just say, if he didn't specifically ask for that, that's a low percentage play for his family.

Do you know what I mean? If there's no instructions, keep it low key. No, exactly. Don't go monster truck. Would you like a monster truck for your company? Well, it didn't look

particularly controllable. Monster trucks, by their very nature, look quite bouncy, don't they? Was there anything more exciting a monster truck. Would you like a monster truck for your company? Well, it didn't look particularly controllable. Monster trucks, by their very nature, look quite bouncy, don't they? Was there anything more exciting when you were a kid as a monster truck?

No. Going over other cars? Yeah, I don't think I ever saw one in real life. We had motocross and did we have all banger racing? I think I went

to a banger racing meet somewhere. Right. I mean, for some reason, I feel like the amount of airtime on TV monster trucks were given in the 80s was disproportionate. Yes, compared to how often

you'd see them in real life. I mean, trucks are going that way anyway. You know, every fucker where I live has got almost a monster truck that they don't need. A monster truck, to be a proper monster truck, right? The wheels have to be bigger than the car.

It's got to have a couple of things. It's got to have a wheel bigger than a person. And it's got to have like a shell of a normal car just stuck on top of it. Do you know what I mean? That's what they do, right? And it's got to be able to go over lots of other cars. To be honest, I think that a lot of cars are going that way.

A lot of Chelsea tractors look like that. I also, thinking about it, I also, I don't really know, looking back on it, how they judged it. Because they would drive. Yeah, what's the best? And I also think it was a little bit... So what they would try to do, they would try and go for a sumo vibe.

Do you remember sumo was really big in the 80s as well on TV, right? And sometimes you'd have a really small sumo wrestler against a really big one, but no one would know why because no one really understood what the rules were. And it seemed weird. It was the same with monster trucks. Sometimes you'd get quite a small one. Yeah, that's fair. That seems fair. And what was the name of the really famous monster truck?

What? There was a really famous one. Truckzilla or something. Yeah, something like that. I'm going to find out. Because it was a really big thing back in the day. I just wrote it from the Simpsons. Bigfoot and Gravedigger.

They were the two big ones. Bigfoot and Gravedigger. Were they UK based? Were they kind of like UK versions of the American ones? The two most famous monster trucks were Bigfoot and Gravedigger because they used to be designed Right. Oh so it was a bit like wrestling It was a bit like the Superstar Wrestling

You'd have a gimmick Yeah very much so. And then you'd sometimes the drivers would be like a bit of a heel with their overalls on. I'm gonna run over these cars that someone has put down here for some fucking reason. Yeah and when I googled it, I also saw,

you know, they have these suggested questions. Apparently, a lot of people have Googled, which is the best monster truck in the world? Oh, God. What kind of day are you having if you're Googling that?

Imagine what you've done that day if that's what you're Googling. I mean, you've left yourself logged in. A four-year-old has got on your computer and typed that in crying out loud.

I think it's a lot more of an innocent time, Pete. What do you mean? Monster trucks? Monster trucks ruled the drag racing, Pete. What do you mean? When the monster trucks ruled the drag racing, monster trucks, all that? In the interval, and people who are younger

than about 30, I don't know anything what we're talking about here, but when monster trucks used to be on TV... The royal trucks, the band? Yeah, they weren't involved. No, they weren't involved.

But Pete, do you remember the halftime entertainment used to be they would wait a monster truck on one side. Right. And because the tyres were so big and so soft, they would weight a monster truck on one side and because the tyres were so big

and so soft they would drive over someone and you'd be like how does a monster truck drive over someone but it's obviously weighted right

that was great stuff in the 80s I mean that could go wrong at any moment and you know smash a man's spine surely division of weight

but I mean I think that was a great that was a great thing great times that was a great thing. Great times. That was a great time. It was just a great Sunday afternoon. Monster trucks. America's Strongest Man.

Yes. That kind of stuff. World of Wrestling, all that stuff before that. Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks. Just fat men. Just fat. Did they have any technique? You're an expert.

Did they have any technique? No, no, very little. Big Daddy was one of the worst people. You'd ever seen him? But no one cared. Why didn't anyone care? Because back in the day, like seeing men of that height and that kind of width was just so,

like strong men would be just guys who used to eat loads, isn't it? Yeah. There's some wonderful, Mark from Wrestle Me, an excellent Instagrammer podcast, he gave me like a booklet of this kind of like, I think he's a vice photographer who managed to get hold

of a load of old negatives of like crowds in the 1980s and stuff. And you kind of see that in Japan. You don't see it necessarily in America anymore, but wrestling pre-1980s, it was just dads, lads,

old grannies, old grandpas, they'd been watching it for a hundred years. Why do they love it? Why do old women love it so much? I don't know. It was just dads, lads, old grannies, old grandpas. They'd been watching it for 100 years. Why do they love it? Why do old women love it so much? I don't know. It was just one of those,

because you'd always like to see an old granny get in the ring and hit the rest of them. I thought that was a plant, though. Yeah, sometimes they'd get really into it. Yeah, I just think it was one of those things that post-war just really captured the imagination. And it was just all very carny at the back of the day. Oh, we need more fighting after the war.

We haven't had enough. We need more fighting. I love it. Honestly. All right then. Shall we take a shot at a break? Let's have a break and then when we come back

we'll do some emails. I think we had some good ones this week and it's very much something to look forward to but in the meantime if you do have any stories to tell about monster trucks

I'll tell you what I would love. If someone listens to this show whose dad had some kind of monster truck is that too ambitious for me to ask my listenership I mean you'd know

whether your dad had one wouldn't you you wouldn't need to ask him you'd already go dad have you ever owned a monster truck get in touch we'll see you a little bit

after this this week at Sukarnov on the latest episode of Between the Lines with Melissa Reddy, Melissa speaks to footballer Lee Nicol, who in 2019 was hacked and had intimate footage leaked online. Lee opens up about the impact it had on her and how she came back from it.

The first mental impact, it was sheer shock. It was panic attacks. It was shame. It was guilt. I think I felt every single sense of emotion. It felt a little bit like grief, as if I had lost someone, but I hadn't lost someone. The only person I think I'd lost was myself.

Meanwhile, on the latest On The Continent on Football Ramble Presents, Dotton, Andy and Magwell Delaney unpack everything surrounding the Super League and how it has changed football forever. When you watch a Champions League game, when you watch, say, Manchester United in Champions League, Real Madrid in Champions League, it's not just a match. It's that every single minute of the match is imbued with seven decades of history.

The Super League has none of that. It was getting quite sad for that, that we were going to lose this and have to face this monstrosity. All that and a whole lot more at Sukarnov. It's the Loco Pete show. What's the biggest thing your dad's ever owned? Let us know.

That's a great question. What would be the biggest thing your dad's ever owned? Snooker table. Yeah, same. Put it in the front room. Same. Too big for the... Some pub was throwing it out and he put a full-sized billiard snooker table

in the front room. Yeah. Too big. Nice. You literally couldn't get round it. Couldn't get round it. Same with me. You had to sort of put a...

You had to put your pool stick, pool cue, kind of vertical. So it just didn't get round it. Couldn't get round it. You had to sort of put your pull stick, pull cue, kind of vertical. So it just didn't make any sense. Exactly the same thing happened to us. What is, in our family, what is, and I'm going to tell you a story about a snooker table in a minute. What is our family thinking?

And it's the dad, let's be fair. It's the dad, yeah. The dad has probably convinced the mum, if your family is anything like mine, my dad would have convinced my mum over a period of months to allow a snuggle table to be bought of a good size, right?

And what my dad did is he got his feet wet by getting a dartboard and putting it up in the garden. That's your gateway drug right there, right? And we had a great time playing darts out in the back garden with that, well protected

with those terraced houses around, no wind, so you can have a good great time playing darts out in the back garden with that. Well protected with those terraced houses around. No wind. So you can have a good old game of darts. He could have his mates from the neighbourhood around have a few beers. We could all play. That's how he's got his feet wet. He's then agreed to buy us, to buy me, a kind of six or seven foot by four foot snooker table,

which we had to store down the side of my bed, my bunk bed in my bedroom. Yeah. And it went almost the length of the bedroom. And it was such a pain to get out again. Terrible. Yeah.

It had no legs. Right. So you had to put it on the co-opted dining table to use it. And you're right. You couldn't get the snooker cue around it. So there was actually no physical way of actually playing it properly. That's, yeah. What are they thinking?

He's thinking, snooker. He's thinking if you... I'm it properly. That's, yeah. What are they thinking? He's thinking, snooker. He's thinking, I'm snooker loopy, mate. He's thinking, if she lets me get away with this,

I'm going to get a monster truck. But Pete, listen, I did a little sweepstake for the World Snooker Championship a few years ago with a couple of my

aforementioned friends about the wine. And the one who had the extra strong mint, my mate Jimmy, who you met, he won it, right?

And I said to them, we'll do a sweepstake and everyone puts a fiver in and you get to pick out a couple of players or whatever. But also, I'll put on a prize, right? My mate Jimmy's an absolute gannet

for free stuff, right? He hates putting his hand in his pocket, all the rest of it. So he got well into this and he won. And the prize I bought him was a quite big,

like eight foot long snooker table, which is way too big for his house. But because he's so polite, he couldn't turn it down. He just went for the emotions. I'm really grateful for it, right? He couldn't even get it in his house. It had to sit in the front garden for ages. And because it's such a generous gift,

what I was thinking was, what's the biggest prize I can get him for the money I want to spend that's going to inconvenience him so much because I knew he'd be so polite not to complain about it. And he moved house

about six months ago and I think he's metaphorically swept it under the carpet and just left it there. Is this under the carpet? Yeah. I might have to ask you

in the near future and say, how are you getting on with your snooker table to see what he says to squirm out of it. But he couldn't even get it in his house. Do you know how much you getting on with your snooker table to see what he says to squirm out of it? But he couldn't even get it in his house.

Do you know how much you can pay for a proper one? Oh yeah, five grand minimum. Those ones they use at the World Snooker Champs which is happening at the moment. I think they're like

a hundred grand or something. Really? I think they're really expensive. I bet. Can you imagine how precise? I think it's the slate. What's the slate? It's played on a slate,

isn't it? With the felt over the top of it. Oh, is that what that's made of? I think it's one long big bit of slate. Oh, that's expensive. Well, I think so, yeah. And very durable if you want to make a roof out of it. How do they get it in the crucible?

How do they dig out a big bit of slate without breaking it? That's what I want to know. So many questions. Anyway, hello at LukeandPetecher.com if you've got answers to any of those questions. Or, as I mentioned before the break, your dad owned a monster truck. There must have been one of you out there.

I know it's an American thing generally, but... Yeah. You notice how I've sort of unpicked the carton of Vita Cocoa coconut water, so it kind of represents like a space drink. Yeah. The sort of drink you would have in space. I made it really difficult to drink, but I watched a film about space last night and I'm...

While you were sick? Before I was sick. Pre-sick. Oh, pre-sick. Yeah. Maybe you got motion sickness from watching the film. I didn't even look at twice

at that Vita Coca. I thought it was just a thing for your stomach. A medicine. What's it called? That stuff that people drink? Milk and magnesium? Yeah.

Anyway, hello at lukeandpeeteShow.com for your emails and at LukeandPeteShow for your tweets and Instagrams. Everyone's been back to the pub as well now, by the way, so maybe everyone can start falling in love with beer types again. The best place and time to have a pint maybe post-lockdown. Fergus Instagrammed us and said that we didn't mention back in the day when we were talking about our favourite types of beer,

the post-lawn mowing beer. Oh. You love a bit of lawn mowing, don't you? I like a bit of lawn mowing. And it takes... The more that I've got, it's genuinely very good. Do people get into that, though? I think...

Do dads get into that? Into mowing? Like lawn mowers, like good ones you can get and all the rest of it. Yeah, I guess so. I guess if you're buying anything that's got an engine in it, men will find some way of being stupid about it, won't they? Being boring about it. Yeah, I guess so. I guess if you're buying anything that's got an engine in it, men will find some way of being stupid about it. Being boring about it.

Being boring about it, yeah. But I think the lawnmower we've got, it just clears out the whole thing. I know people sort of say with small gardens you should use a trimmer, but just like... Is that right?

Strimmer, just use a trimmer. But it picks all the crap up for you and it's just over in seconds. Yeah. And you've retained all of the oil, the petrol. I told you about the Ryder one that LC lets me use when I go to the US. Yes, lovely.

It collects the leaves as well. Is that automatic? Has it got gears? No, yeah, it has got gears, but just forward and reverse. Right, okay, nice. And she's a bit of a cantankerous old beast as well, so you've got to know her little kind of foibles

it's quite an old sit on my thing it's the kind of thing that LC you can imagine this Pete because you've met him but I'll be doing the lawn mower

and I'm in the middle of the lawn 100 metres away or whatever and it'll stop working and it'll come running over look at it bang it on one side kick it on the other side and go it should be fine now

and it is fine it's like one of those things anyway yeah lawn mower beer post lawn mower beer I can see that sweaty got a bit caught the sun a bit bang it on one side, kick it on the other side and go, it should be fine now and it is fine. It's like one of those things. Anyway, yeah, lawnmower beer, post lawnmower beer. I can see that,

sweaty, got a bit, caught the sun a bit. Feel like you've done something. Yeah, have a bit of a sit down, have a refreshing can of? Vita Coco.

Vita Coco. Other coconut waters are available. Squish the carton and it makes you feel like you're having space food. Is there any alcoholic coconut waters around these days? I don't know, you'd probably imagine for the kids.

In America, cider is just apple juice. You know that? Yeah, okay. They call it actual cider, what we would call cider, hard cider. Hard cider. Yeah. Because I remember being,

when Mimi was still living in the US, I remember her Instagram story or something, her at a little festival, food festival with her family at like eight in the morning and with a big thing that says cider on it on the go. I was like, she's not much of a drinker.

That's really surprising she's doing that. Anyway, so I've got an email here from Will who says, good day, gentlemen. On hearing you guys talk about the Scarpunk Banger sugar in your gas tank, that would have been you, Peter, wouldn't it?

Probably. Sounds like something I'd do. I thought I'd let you know it was by Less Than Jake. Oh, was it? Right, okay. Maybe you said it was Real Big Fish or something like that. I'm not sure. The last band I saw, Less Than Jake.

Was it? Interestingly, last year. Less Than Enjoyable? Or was it alright? No, it was excellent. It was wonderful. Are they a Fat Records band? I think they did release some things on Fat Records.

I want to say they released Queerfew and Interscope, but I might be wrong on that one. Probably am. Roadrunner, maybe? Don't know. Doesn't matter. they released Quiffion Interscope, but I might be wrong on that one. Probably am. Roadrunner, maybe? Don't know. Doesn't matter. Roadrunner's heavy metal, though, isn't it? They'll release anyone.

Will they? Sure they? Get in touch if you're listening to Roadrunner. Put a spoken word out. Put a couple of podcasts out. Yeah. Will says, it also allowed me to think of a terrible segue

into sending a picture that I thought you might appreciate. We had some insane sandstorms in Beijing a few weeks ago with the AQI reading over 9,000. I don't know what the AQI is. You ought to check that out, Pete, while I'm doing it. AQI. Actual, questionable.

It's got to be air quality indicator. Yeah, nice. It's got to be, hasn't it? Over 9,000. That sounds good. He said, for reference, the town I'm from in Surrey was reading 12 that day. And London, known for its poor air quality, of reference, the town I'm from in Surrey was reading 12 that day. And London, known for its poor air quality, of course, was 70.

Right. And they're at what? 9,000. Yeah. You don't want asthma, do you? That's just breathing in solids. That's like breathing in a concrete block. It's eating butter.

He says, no one was complaining about wearing a mask this day. I promise you that. I can only imagine that, Will. That sounds awful and I'm very pleased you survived to tell the tale. Did you get any sand

in your britches? Would have done, probably. Sand in your sandwiches. Yeah. That's part of the reason I don't really like the beach, just sand everywhere. Sand everywhere.

I feel like I'm in the minority of not liking the beach. Yeah, I just don't find it as sexy as uh people find it they find it like quite sexy to wear your swimsuit and be sexy quite 80s but i don't feel sexy it's like an 80s idea of what it would be sexy yeah yeah it's just everything tastes of um sun cream and you're just a bit too hot and if you don't have a pool to sort of jump in or a sea it's actually just quite overbearing

overpowering do you know anyone who won't put sun cream on because it makes them squeamish because I know someone who won't do it it makes them squeamish they won't have

sun cream on them because they don't like the way it feels no I don't know they would rather be sunburned in fact I've seen them sunburned right rather than put sun cream on

do they use like parasols and hats and stuff to get around it? No, this same person I'm talking about also has a very strict no

accoutrement at all policy. We'll never wear hats, sunglasses, slippers, anything like that. They're in the elements.

It's weird though. Yeah, it is a bit strange. Yeah, you've got to look after yourself when it comes to the skins. As you get older.

Yeah. As you get older, for sure. All right, that's it, Pete. Have you got an email or do you want me to do another one? Yeah, I've got one, you sods.

A parrot. A parrot, Luke, loves the show. Oh, I heard about this. I mean, amazing. Apparently, I was chilling and I was listening to some podcasts. This is Eric with my parrot, Captain Crunch. We call him Captain for short.

Great name. Great name. Some Vice podcast was playing and he was totally ignoring it and then as soon as the Luke and Pete show came on he started talking and whispering along

it's brilliant and the only regret I've got about this email is that Eric attached a couple of photos yeah of Captain Crunch but they didn't work

so I can't see what kind of parrot it is is it a core is it like more of a parakeet is it a it's a straight parrot surely but what but I think that's an anomaly isn't that like a it more of a parakeet? It's a straight parrot, surely. But I think that's an anomaly.

Isn't that like a little bit of a misconception? What? That you just say a parrot, aren't they? Oh, is it? Right, okay. I thought parrots were like your normal kind of red, blue, yellow. No. Guess how many species of parrot there are.

Right. If I look at your computer, we're in the same room now. If I look at your computer, if I see a parrot on your computer, I'm going to be fuming. I just Googled it for you. That's a parrot. 390 different types. I need to know more.

I need to know more. Give us the kite type of parrot, if that's all right, Eric. You have some aviator fans. Now you have an avian fan. Very nice. Apparently Captain Crunch was just laughing every time we laughed.

Ha ha ha. I love that. Yeah. And I every time we laughed. Ha ha ha! I love that. Yeah. And I think that we've heard stories of dogs like being into the show and all the rest of it. I like it. I like that. And as soon as they can spend some money on advertising,

the parrots, the parrot community, we might start running parrot adverts. Can I ask a question of the woke representative of the show, which is you? If you want to use the word woke, expose yourself as one of those kind of people. I don't know what else to say. What should I say?

Just call me Wooly. Okay. Needlessly Wooly. Needlessly worried. You are a disgusting liver. A lily-livered, sandal-wearing, mung-bean-chewing disgrace. And yet I will say something in my future

that will get me cancelled anyway. Yes, it will. You've already said something in the past that's going to get cancelled. Exactly. When people remember. Dig it out. Loads of them.

And I'm the same. I just want to ask you if keeping a parrot in captivity is cruel. Is it seen as cruel these days? Yeah, I think people are quite clear on that one. I don't know. Well, maybe Cap'n Crunch gets to fly around all over the gaff.

He might just return. Yeah. Eric Eric we've just besmirched your good reputation there. I'm sure the parrot has a lovely life but we'd like to

see a picture of him that actually works. Certainly enriched though. His life is certainly enriched by our podcast.

Could we have him in on Pete's shoulder for an entire episode? Yes please. Would you be comfortable with that Pete?

I'd be comfortable with that. Since I got a dog I don't care about animal fluids anymore. A little guano receptacle underneath him for the show

so he doesn't get all over your nice cardigan. Yeah, nice. That'd be fantastic. Thank you very much for that, Eric. Pete, how long have we been doing the show for? I can't see the time.

We're out of here. They've had enough, to be quite frank, and we've had enough. I went back on 30 minutes. What a great show. Yeah, I know. That was my internal clock

thinking that. Yeah. Amazing. All right, thank you very much for listening to today's show and I hope you had a lovely Monday. And this has gone some way towards brightening it up. We'll be back on Thursday with more of this.

We'll also do some of your battery brands. We'd like to hear from you on hello at lukeandpete.com on the email or at Luke and Pete Show on Twitter and Instagram about the largest thing your dad's owned. Good. Any kind of more dad behaviour. Don't talk to me about snooker tables. That'll be a good one. Some people must have a good snooker table.

I'm not talking about that 80s story of people having sex on snooker tables. That was what happened all the time in the 80s. If you believe the TV shows of that time. You believe Red Shoe Diaries. Yeah, 90% of all sexual intercourse happened on a snooker table. Yeah, and the woman has to be wearing stilettos. We were talking about the Red Shoe Diaries. Yeah, 90% of all sexual intercourse happened on a snooker table. Yeah, and the woman has to be wearing stilettos.

We were talking about the Red Shoe Diaries with David Duchovny with Vish, as you remember, a Ramble record last week. And he was saying that he wondered why David Duchovny in that TV show always had a dog with him. He did always have a dog. Did he?

I don't really remember it. Well, he was kind of like, he was like this, he was the narrator sort of thing. I believe so, yeah. He didn't get involved with the sex. He just sort of like. He was in it. He was in it, but he wasn't ever getting sexy with anyone.

But he's the most handsome part of it. He linked it all together. He linked everything together. All right. If you've got any more insight into the Red Shoe Diaries and you're listening, give us an email. We'll be back on Thursday with more of this nonsense have a lovely week we look forward to speaking to you then

take it easy look after yourselves and each other and we'll see you soon Vito Coco This was a Stakhanov production and part of the acos creative network