The Luke and Pete Show - Deck the Halls and Brine Your Turkeys!

Episode Date: December 24, 2020

Merry Christmas from your favourite pals! On today’s episode, the boys get ready for Christmas as Luke prepares his turkey in a carrier bag and Pete brines his pears before the big day... And if that doesn't quite whet your appetite, we also discuss friendzoning, Space Guardians, and the consequences of having a Poundland sandwich for lunch.Elsewhere, we chat about an angry Druid’s response to Stonehenge being closed for lockdown, and hear out one very concerned listener who emailed in to ask Pete for tips on passing his driving theory test. Enjoy!Tell us all about your Christmas over at [e-mail]! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Luke and Pete Shaw. I'm Pete Donaldson. I'm joined by this man, Luke Mill. How you doing, Luke? Not bad, thanks. I'm doing all right. Thank you very much. I'm very happy that the Luke and Pete Shaw working document that producer Natalie's put together has got two Christmas trees on it. She's great on the detail, Nat. She's really good on the detail, yeah. She carries on like this, right? She carries on like this.

She'll be our boss soon, I'm telling you. She'll be telling us what to do. Natalie and Pete Shaw. Yeah, that'd be good. People would like that. I know they would. Wouldn't it? And that's why I keep turning up up because they'd like it too much.

So Pete, I was thinking that if, cause it's Christmas Eve today and people might, this might be the first time someone encounters this show because I was thinking about the thought process. They might think, well, I'm off work.

I've got nothing to do. It's lockdown and all that kind of stuff. I might go and listen to a podcast. So this might be the first one they listen to. How would you describe it to them? Wrapping the presents. Exactly. Salting the briny pears.

I don't know. What does that mean? I panicked. I panicked. I tried to think of something that sounded Christmasy. I just love that. No, I love that. Your mum calls through from the kitchen.

Pete, have you salted the briny pears yet? Have you salted the briny pears? How much salt do you need on a mum? They're already briny, for fuck's sake. I can't believe she's salted her briny pears all over the house. I want you to explain to a new listener, Peter, what they can expect over the next however long.

Oh, stories about jet skis. What's the point of this show, though? Tell them what the point of it is. It just keeps us on the street for an hour every Monday. Yeah. Thursday. It really is. I mean, it sounds like you're being modest there,

but it really is as simple as that, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, it started as the first kind of project that Stakhanov started with all those years ago, three years ago or something. It was originally like Luke and Pete's summer, wasn't it? Yeah. That's the only way I could get you to agree to it, though, wouldn't it?

And I have very little appetite for changing up anything I'm not already doing. So, yeah, we're still doing it all these years down the line. But it is just a receptacle for the filth, mania, and nonsense anything I'm not already doing. So, yeah, we're still doing it all these years down the line. But it is just a receptacle for the filth, mania and nonsense that the press provides every single day and week. And on the flip side, on the second half of the show, it's mainly just reading your stories about shitting yourself and enjoying yourself in school nativity plays and stuff.

Weird Christmas kind of stuff. In a weird way, Peter, would you say that this show can serve as almost an unofficial, very unofficial, guide to modern life? Yeah, I think so. Or just a replacement for a car map for two men of advancing years. Yeah, absolutely. And also, how much out of 10 do you like me personally

through every show we do together it's like a large not small large hourglass and the sands of time are just trickling away are those 24 cans of lager I bought you for Christmas have they kind of

clogged up the sands of time yeah they've made the sand? They've kind of clogged it. Yeah, they've made the sand wet, so therefore none can escape down into the bottom of it. Have you got pissed and knocked the hourglass over? That was always kind of like the motif in like kind of midnight, sort of Jim Henson style,

kind of kids' fantasy dramas. If you broke an hourglass, you'll be frozen in time forever and stuff like that do you remember that kids show where um i want to say it's clarissa explains it all right it's i can't remember her name now but the the girl who was in it the blonde girl the main girl was she not sabrina as well was that clarissa yeah she became quite famous and she had a friend her best friend i think he might be called roger who came into her bedroom via a ladder through the

window i mean that's problematic that wouldn't happen now um yeah he was like the ultimate and i know that this is probably partly a problematic phrase i totally get why but he was like the ultimate like symbol of of the friend zone wasn't why, but he was like the ultimate like symbol of the friend zone, wasn't he? Where he was kind of sniffing around her all the time, but she just wanted him as a friend.

Oh, she wasn't interested. Yeah, but was he? I thought he was just a man who just enjoyed, you know, breaking and entering. But he didn't have to break because the window was always open, even after dark.

True, yeah, yeah. I mean, he should not be doing that. No, I don't think think i think if they were to reboot it um i'm not sure that feature would remain but anyway um she used to i think she used to clap and be able to stop time right okay and then sort of mug to the camera about what was happening was that was that was that am i remembering that right or was that a different show so did so did um zach morrison say by the bell and And I've no idea why. Could he? He did, yeah. He used to do like a timeout.

He used to call a timeout and then touch J.C. Slater's winky. On that note as well, Jim Campbell of Ramble fame, and occasionally of this parish when he pops in when you can't be asked to turn up, he maintains that on one of the Bond movies, and he said it's on Her Majesty's Secret Service with George Lazenby, the only one he ever did. Apparently he breaks the fourth wall

and mugs the camera as well in that. And then James Bond. I can't confirm that. Maybe someone listening can, but Jim maintains that happens in that movie. Well, you know, is it Lazenby, did he say? Yeah.

Yeah. Positively Brechtian. What do you mean? Well, it wasn't Brecht all about the breaking of the fourth wall. I don't really know anything about Brecht. I don't really know the name. Tell me more about it. Three Penny Opera.

He did that one where you were conscious that you were an audience member watching a play and and they would address you i think that's the case the the actors would address you um it's mainly just it's mainly clarissa explains it all slash zach morris from uh they were all um you know they all studied at uh bertolt brecht's uh kind of i just i just want to pete if i may just interject at this point and say to any new listeners that we do have, I mean, if you're expecting Bertolt Brecht every show,

you are going to be sorely disappointed. That is not indicative of the normal chat. Is that fair? Yeah, I think that's fair. Can I start by bringing something into the party that we didn't get around to talking about on Monday? Isay is that is that right do you mind yes i know it's christmas eve but this is kind of christmas related um so on monday it was the shortest day right it was yes winter solstice the shortest day of the year for some i mean for many the the the most depressing day

of the year and it's and it is actually quite difficult to imagine how the depressing day of the year. And it is actually quite difficult to imagine how the shortest day of the year could get more depressing in 2020. I mean, let's be absolutely honest. But anyway, so one of the things that came up on Monday is, do you know a guy called King Arthur Pendragon? I know it up to a point i know king arthur bit so king arthur pendragon is a a essentially i mean he's referred to in the news story as quote unquote a senior druid okay he's kicking off because he's saying that um

we've been banned from observing the winter solstice at Stonehenge because of COVID reasons. And even though it's outside, and I believe most tiers, if not definitely the tier that Stonehenge sits in, places of worship have not been closed due to COVID. So he said there's a kind of a discrepancy there because, you know, it's a place to worship. We are a religion. We should a place to worship we are you know we are a religion uh we should be able to worship as we wish and it's hypocritical because you've not closed uh mosques or churches or synagogues or whatever but you are closing us now the government have come back and said well it's can sometimes you guys have 5 000 people there which

is far too big a gathering to have that observed even though it's outside that's what Wiltshire council and Wiltshire police have said so it's kind of rumbled on and it turns out they weren't able to do it and when I started reading about King Arthur Pendragon who's changed his name to that because he thinks he's the reincarnation of the original King Arthur and thinks that he um you know all the stuff that he thinks and dresses the way he dresses i just thought when i saw the picture he does look quite cool but i imagine him to be the most tiresome man in the uk and i'm wondering if you had any any thoughts on that pete real ale saxon dale probably has strong feelings about prog bands he just looks like a man who uh just... Yeah, he's the pub bar, isn't he?

You said to me that you thought he'd written his own Wikipedia page. Oh yeah, definitely. He was... Let me get it up here. Because I'm annoyed that you've brought Saxondale's name into this because Tommy Saxondale is at least self-aware. Well, I mean...

Yeah, but the character... It's just a character isn't it he looks like this guy reminds me of Saxondale like the most tedious part of that character can I also say on that Peter can I also say on that

sorry that Gareth Ainsworth manager of Wickham Wanderers who's known as being this rock and roll guy who has long hair and all that kind of stuff

and drives this car and wears these leather trousers he is so much like Tommy Saxondale the photo he had taken with a journalist a week or two ago outside his house, sat on his car,

is exactly the same unintentionally as the press shot for the TV series Saxondale. And he's got the same hair. Enjoyable. So this fella, what is it, King Arthur Pendragon. This is what his Wikipedia says. His real name is...

I think his name's Rothwell, something Rothwell, which isn't a bad name, to be honest. Yeah, he says that, according to his Wikipedia, he married one of his co-workers, Liz, and they moved to Farnborough. He became a senior supervisor on the Basingstoke Canal Restoration Project, foreman for Ash Parish.

And Ash Parish is quite hard to say. And also the general foreman for laying management contracting. All of this stuff is like no one would ever know that if he hadn't written that himself. Dissatisfied with this lifestyle, after several years, he and Liz separated and he returned to more countercultural activities Liz moved to uh Tintagel while Rothwell moved into a caravanette and re-embraced the biker subculture as a biker Rothwell identified as a greaser he rode a custom-built Triumph Thunderbird um Rothwell and his friends formed a biker club uh very known as the Gravediggers and the Saddle Tramps uh they engaged in a feud of the rival biker gang, with Rothwell carrying a gun in case of altercations. He went to various free festivals around the country,

hanging out with New Age travellers and druids. He was given the nickname King John because he held parties at a ruined castle called King John's Castle. Rothwell took various jobs, including as a gardener. He married another woman, divorced his last, and then when he read a book on King Arthur by the occultist Gareth Knight,

he saw similarities between himself and the king. And so now he believes that he's King Arthur reincarnated. He definitely wrote all of this himself. It's a life dedicated to tedium, isn't it? I mean, everything about that is tedious. And I reckon you're half I think I reckon he's, I reckon you're half right. I reckon he's written that Wikipedia article with his mate after a few flagons of the foaming,

you know, before the EU bans the stuff. Right. Yeah. And, and at one point they've had probably three or four real ales and they're getting carried away with it. And his mate says to him,

listen, King, whatever he calls him. Why don't you say that? Say you a gun say you had a gun all right yeah i'll put out a gun i'll put out it well i'll put out a gun should i say gun yeah i'll put out a gun i had a gun i've gone druid the gun druid oh that sounds cool definitely put i had a gun have you put it in definitely put that i don't care about the rest just put that i had a gun he's never had a gun he didn't had a gun. If you put it in, definitely put that. I don't care about the rest. Just put that I had a gun.

He's never had a gun. He didn't have a gun. It didn't happen. Listen, I'm telling you why it didn't happen, because the reincarnation of King Arthur, King Arthur wouldn't have even known what a gun was. No, he's not followed it, is he? He's not followed it to the letter.

Which one's Merlin? Well, Merlin could have a magic stick that fired, you know, fire. I mean, that sounds about right. Yeah, exactly. Little magic pellets. Another story that Drew Gennady put in the document, and that's how I'm going to start every new story from here on out. Yeah, don't say that every time.

Oh, here's what Producer Natalie's done. I've been noticing a couple of things. I've been reading this in the... We've got our own producer now. We're bigger boys. Baker left cracking up after Palmer Sticks chocolate gift he made for Bath Bomb. A woman received a present she thought was a bath bomb. Never trust a baker. Never trust a present. She thought it was a bath bomb. Never trust a baker. Never trust a baker.

Because the baker gave a friend some hot chocolate bombs to go in some hot milk. And instead of putting them in hot milk, the person who received the present just put them in the bath thinking it was some kind of bath bomb. And it wasn't.

It's a one-way ticket to a yeast infection. No, really. You're going to get ill. You could have... I don't see how that's a problem, to be honest. You'll come out

smelling of chocolate. It's not the end of the world, is it? And also, by the way, you should be in a different mindset if it's given to you by a baker. You should be thinking, oh, that'll be an edible good

because it's a baker. Yes, exactly yes exactly yeah there was someone on the local um kind of hartfordshire um i'm obsessed with like local hartfordshire and facebook group because everyone on them is mad and they sell weird things and they think the things that they sell are worth a lot more money than they actually are. There's people selling Game Boys for like 300 quid because they think it's like an old 80s present that everyone's going to want at Christmas. You put it at 300 quid and then someone next to them is selling hairy piggy ears

to be consumed by a dog and stuff. It's all very confusing. But there was a person who was very upset with the Marks and Spencers on the high street because the chocolate profiteroles that were crafted by them did not contain any chocolate. And instead of just going,

oh, that's an anomaly. Yeah, that's a great indicator of the type of town you live in and the type of town that I grew up in because I'm not on Facebook and I've told you why. I'm not going to bore people to death on Christmas Eve about that.

But my mum sends me screenshots from the local facebook group where we grew up um which is a fucking rough place let's be absolutely clear and um because she just thinks it's hilarious and so i've actually got a couple in front of me that i'll read to you as a as a as a counterpoint to your posh people talking about marks and spencers right so someone's posted on there is new look still opening gospel uh and someone else has replied saying no no i work there and it's closed because um because of lockdown because we're only able to um to open essential shops at the moment to which

a man has replied saying but who determines what's essential i can go to poundland because they sell a sandwich but if i shit my last pair of trousers i can't go to burton's I like that. Someone else has replied, Pete, saying, I'd suggest not buying your sandwich from Poundland if you're worried about shitting your trousers. Oh, wow. You've got the clues there. It's followed up with just a random question

someone's put on here. Who else here has Christmas dinner on Christmas? I mean, that is the case of that. It's followed up with just a random question someone's put on here. Who else here has Christmas dinner on Christmas? I mean, that is the level of discourse. If you want to learn about the state of Britain, I think local Facebook groups can tell you more than any political analyst, any anthropologist. That's all you need to know.

Oh, there's a Berkhamstead group, and then there's Everything Berkhamstead 2, the sequel, because the first one was deemed defensive to a lot of people. The nice one, they call it. The second one is the nice one. Oh, dear Lord. It's mad. And before we move on to a break,

can I just also please let this not go unsaid that Donald Trump has done something that I actually respect. Right. Okay. Right. So we all know about Donald Trump. You don't need to go into the detail. The man is, and I'm going to use my words carefully here because it's Christmas, a fucking disgrace. Right.

But for lots of reasons but one thing i would say about him is he knows he's not going to be out of a job um he knows he's going to be gone this time next month so he's just gone completely demob happy now and i respect it so the space force which he um invented for no reason he's now decided are going to be called Guardians. Oh, yes. I don't really get it, but I like the energy. I like that I don't give a shit big energy coming out of it.

So the USSF Space Force is now going to be called just Guardians. I mean, he's sort of like given us that turd and just, oh, he's given the country that turd and just walked away from it. So you've got to deal with us, A, having a having a space force b it being called guardians which just looks mad and uh yeah see you later what do you think i actually do though the space force what do you

think is actually what what what jobs are there for them to do yeah unless you go unless you're sort of going there it doesn't make it, none of it really makes any sense. I'm struggling to sort of, because, yeah, unless you're planning to sort of go to space to hang out on the moon, truly, like, there's nothing to do. I mean, there was obviously a couple of planets seen in the sky. What? There's probably nothing to do, is there? One of the listed duties in their role is,

and I'm taking this quote directly, space domain awareness. We know it's fucking there, mate. It's everywhere. No one's once looked up at the sky at night and gone, what the fuck is that? Everyone knows what it is. It's mad.

Absolutely mad. Anyway, thought I'd bring that up. Oh, dear. Well, we'll take a short break. We'll be back with some of your emails because we've been quite lax with them and I was complaining that we didn't have enough of them. It turns out, according to young Alex, who moved to Jerusalem last week,

he actually sent one in February. We completely missed reading it out. So if you have got any ones that you're annoyed that we didn't read out back in the day, give them a re-up. Re-up them. Send them again and we'll pick them out if we can. We'll be back in the day. Re-up them. Give them a re-up. Re-up them. Send them again and we'll pick them out if we can. We'll be back in a second.

This week on Stakhanov. Between the Lines with Melissa Reddy releases a brand new episode exploring the hot topic of head injuries in football. As well as exploring the sports linked with dementia with neuropathologist

Dr. Willie Stewart, Melissa spoke to ex-Tottenham star Ryan Mason, who was forced to retire after a devastating head injury aged 26. I couldn't look at light. I was sleeping for like 20 hours a day. I couldn't really hold a conversation. Like I say, when the brain gets an injury,

the body almost just instinctively responds and it almost just shuts everything else down. Meanwhile, self-care club Wellness Road Tested have launched a brand new epilogue show. Join Lauren and Nicole every Friday where they'll be hearing about your experiences, talking to the experts and reading the very best wellness literature

in the Self Care Book Club. I think it's a totally life-changing book for sisterhood and womankind. It's revolutionary in how to adopt self-love and live for who you are search between the lines and self-care club on your favorite podcast player all that and more at stakhanov and we're back it is the look of peach shore uh episode christmas eve part two peter we've piled right into the green ginger wine we're off our heads and we're ready to go.

Before I go into the emails, I want to know, because we're pre-recording this episode, say that people are listening to this about this time on Christmas Eve, what at this exact point would you be doing at this point? Yeah. Sorting their briny pairs. What would you be doing at this point? I mean, probably just on Twitter or Reddit.

I'd be sort of looking at the... I've got a Viennetta in the freezer and it's a few days before Christmas and I'm eyeing it up. It's not a mint one, it's a normal one, but I got it in Sainsbury's and I was like, I'm going to absolutely destroy that. I just got more

depression as it went on that statement. First of all you started saying I'll probably just. I'll be considering eating a viennetta, that's what I'll be doing. What's more depression than just doom scrolling through Twitter? I would say doom scrolling through Twitter while fantasising about a one pound viennetta.

I'm going to put it in the bag. Oh, Pete, you're all creamy. Oh, my goodness me. You can get them for a quick make. What are you going to be doing at Christmas Eve then? Are you going to be reading a book? Oh, I don't know. You're looking after some orphans.

Rubbish. By this time this week i'll probably have had something fucking stolen again even though i can't leave the house and i will i'm thinking about so you know vish from the ramble he he basically planted something in my mind when we when we record the christmas special which is obviously going to come out in a few days yeah he planted something in my mind about turkey and because of the lockdown situation has changed i'm gonna have to do my own turkey this year and i said that i love the way my mom cooks it i kind of help her out but she puts bacon on top she puts a lot of butter under the skin she

puts foil over it and she takes the foil off at a certain time to crisp up and it works pretty well and it's never dry and i always thought that's because um she she basically you know pushes the boat out of christmas it's a big basically pushes the boat out of Christmas because it's a big time of the year and she maybe spends a bit more money and does all those things but buys a good quality ingredient in the turkey itself. Anyway, Vish was saying to me, because I was saying I was a little bit nervous about it, and he said, you've got to brine your turkey overnight. So never mind salting your briny pears.

turkey overnight so never mind salting your briny pears apparently the way to do it is to put your turkey in a big bucket of salted and um seasoned um spiced water the night before so maybe i see on christmas eve i'll be thinking about doing that what do you think do you think that's high risk do you reckon i should just roast it like a chicken or do you reckon i should go the full hog do you do you have enough um do you have a vessel that would that's high risk? Do you reckon I should just roast it like a chicken or do you reckon I should go the full hog? Do you have enough... Do you have a vessel that would be able to hold it? A carrier bag? The problem is if I use a bucket, I'll probably end up tasting the bleach.

Exactly. You're going to have to use a carrier bag or something. You have to wash out a carrier bag, stick your turkey in. I walked past a lot of turkeys, real turkeys, a couple of days ago. God, they are gigantic, aren't they?

Ridiculous. I don't think it'd fit in most ovens. When I visit my in-laws, we go up to Vermont, as you guys know, and they have a lot of wild animals up in Vermont. They have moose, bear, all sorts, anything you can think

of, really. Not anything you can think of. They don't have fucking lions. I think they do have mountain lions. Anyway, they have these marauding packs. They don't have fucking lions. I think they do have mountain lions. Anyway, they have these marauding packs. I don't know what the collective noun is, but these marauding packs of fucking wild turkeys, right? And you think, oh, so when someone mentions them, oh, yeah, there's been a few wild turkeys around.

You think, oh, yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll tell you what, when they fucking turn up, there's about 50 of them and they are absolutely gigantic and they raise to the ground anything they get their hands on. They haven't got hands, but you know what I mean. So you're right, turkeys can be quite intimidating. Some of them are fucking massive. Just a big wall of chunky turkeys coming out. So I think what I'd have to do

is I'd have to probably put the turkey in the sink and then brine it in the sink and then brine it overnight in the sink and then I guess cook it. It just seems like a recipe for salmonella. I've got nothing else to do, mate. I might as well get salmonella. I'm self-isolating.

I've got nothing else on. You don't get salmonella as long as you cook it properly. Yeah, I guess so. Anyway, emails, hello at lukeandpeachow.com is the destination um if you don't know that by now get to know you've all got nothing to do over christmas so don't uh hesitate to email us in and as pete says you can re-up your old emails in case we missed them the first time round there's a chance we might have read them i thought they were rubbish but there's also a

chance we might have just missed them anyway an email here from mk who says right hi boys i'm going through your back catalog for a second time now and realized that quite a few phrases of yours have made their way into my daily conversations which i find quite upsetting it also reminds me of that drinking game someone made up for the podcast a year ago and i hope this will be a few worthy additions so basically what mk has done has put five key phrases into this email that we say a lot on the show so do you want me to read them through to you one one to five sounds good to me number one always from luke to pete that's rich coming from you yeah okay yeah i am a hypocrite. Yeah, correct. I do say that quite a lot, yeah. Number two from Pete. Get involved. Yeah, that's fair.

That's fair. I think we both say that, don't we? Get involved. Get involved. Yeah, it all comes from Richard Keyes. Richard Keyes once again trying to relax a studio guest by farting and then telling who was it trevor francis who's the

loveliest man i've ever met yeah and i've said it before trevor francis is a man of selves like he can't really smell anything so um i'm surprised that he even knew it was happening to be quite frank when i the hour and a half or so i spent with trevor francis was just the most enjoyable time he's such a lovely man. It made me happy just to be talking to him. He seemed very sweet. Number three,

this boils my piss. That's probably one of your ones, I think. Yeah, but the difference between you saying that and me saying that, people are imagining me with a still out in the garden with a horrible fog, the smell of boiling piss. But I'm doing it. I'm not lying.

I am actually doing it. Number four is definitely one of mine. To cut a long story short, and I never do cut it short, I know that. And number five, we both say fair enough quite a lot, apparently. Yeah, that is just being English. Yeah, and MK says, no offence taken on you not reading out my previous email of a co-worker wanking in plain sight of the neighbouring office building.

Cheers, MK. MK, I'm going to need you to resend that, please. Thank you very much. I hope you're having a very, very good week. That is very much in the framework of what we were talking about. Everyone listening to this should consider, imagine the standard of the emails in that week if Pete Dawson's not reading that one out.

My God. It sounds like one of the weeks where I've been told off. Probably. Before I hand over to you on the email front, because I've got another one, I wanted to say a big hello to Ben Holden, who sent in a new battery brand that I'd never seen before. A new player has officially entered

the game. It's called Wilmer. W-I-L-M-E-R, as in Fred Flintstone and Wilmer, but with an E-R at the end. Wilmer! Right. Lovely. We got a message from Andrew from Massachusetts. Hello, Andrew.

Dearest Pete, I popped open all Gmail to correct you about the splashback. Here in the States, I've only ever called it a backsplash. I figured you were crossing your words, old chap. It turns out you're in the clear. Apparently, in some places, it is called a splashback. And they also, yes, they're kind of a big fucking deal. With that big a deal, why don't people never say them? I'm obsessed.

Property Brothers. I know, right? Monday to Friday, Property brothers on itvb um they've now realized that is the only reason why people watch itvb and they've moved the um cheshire housewives somewhere else and they put two episodes every day back to back so that i and my partner can watch uh the goddamn uh property brothers do their thing uh in the houses the length and breadth of the US. They also do a lot of other stuff that we haven't got yet. And I'm just waiting for the UK to go Property Brothers crazy.

One of the Property Brothers is dating Zooey Deschanel, the one with the fringe. They've started going out together. And the one who's the realtor rather than the builder, he has released a christmas song which is so um look it's only a matter of time before uk goes um property brothers crazy and i'm just saying now you heard it here first it will be it's a great shot um get in there i was gonna say that um what i was gonna say to, the real heads, the real reality TV show heads all watch TLC.

You know that, right? Oh, right. Okay, that's... TLC is one of the Discovery products. We should do a Property Brothers podcast. They've got access to. What's stopping us? There was a woman on Property Brothers last week

who was called Izakaya. Very good. Which is like pub. It's just Japanese for pub. It's a great name. It is a great name, until you sort of go, it's just pub. Where did you and your man meet? Japanese pub. I thought Hezegiah was a religious

name. I'm basing that on the fact that in the film Kingpin, there's a brother, Hezegiah, but they're Amish. Right. Yeah. No, Izakaya. Izakaya. Wow, do you reckon they did that knowing him? Probably not. Probably not. Darren from Glasgow,

quick one from me. Oh, I saw this one. I wanted to read this one out for you because I thought it was a new low. Okay. It is. It is really for Darren. Bless him. Darren from Glasgow. I heard on a previous show that pete passed his theory test and i was wondering if he has any tips i mean can you imagine the sort of person who who comes to me at 39 who's trying to learn to drive um i've sat the test

eight times and i just can't pass i'm 36 now i sat it three times when i was 18 gave up went back to learn to drive three years ago and sat the test five times since then and I failed them all. I've tried everything, CDs for the computer, apps on my phone and books but I just can't pass. I'm beginning to think

I'm not meant to drive. Any help would be appreciated. I shouldn't laugh really. That's actually quite upsetting. I mean, that is annoying. Like bashing your head on that thing.

Do a Charles and Zogby and get some lessons to say it for you. I'm joking. Pete won't help you but he will give you a lift if you want one. The way I,

I mean, genuinely, the way I did it, I didn't do any of the actual proper revision and I'm fairly certain I got very lucky indeed. Everything's just

common sense. Everything is just common sense apart from the 10%, 20% that you actually have to know. It is valid three times. It is just kind of relax. Some of the questions are really obvious. And so like, like so i think 80 of it is genuinely common sense and so

i've got right if i was going to design a road what would be the most sensible thing to do and the questions are invariably if you get angry do you ram like ram the car in front of you or you know do a wee on the road and stuff like that but there will be ones there will be the ones that just you know it is just about grinding like um like looking at the iconography of the road, so to speak, the markers and the lines and the stuff. And you've got to know those. But I just did mock tests over and over again. I just did about five or six mock tests over and over again. And the ones that I got wrong, I just, you know, checked that, checked out and stuff. But if I got them right, I was kind of fairly confident that I would make the same decision in the the actual lesson and also like you've done it so many times darren this might be the one you're relaxed now you know what you know what it's all about you know that you walk into a room and you

and you sit down with a multiple choice windows 95 pc and you just click away the hazard test is a little bit more difficult and i think i only just got through um you know very very very close to to missing it so darren, my heart goes out to you because that sounds bloody annoying and just really boring. But I think the theory test side of things, just keep on doing the mock test and I swear you'll get through. Can I just stop you there? I've got nothing to say.

I just want to stop you. This is the worst Christmas I've ever had. Yeah, it fucked. I know, right? Me giving advice from the point of view of a man who's done who's got a more up-to-date take on the road serious if someone said to me luke is what is hell like i think sat in my spare room talking into my computer knowing i can't leave the house or see my family listening to you talk to someone i don't know about how to pass a driving theory test would be quite near the top of the list look it's topping off a great week for luke erinmore that's all i'm saying i'm only

joking darren i wish you the very best of luck particularly this time of year you'll get there just stay confident a lot of it's confidence my friend stay confident. You'll get there. Just stay confident. A lot of it's confidence, my friend. Stay confident and you'll get there. Shall we leave? Exactly. Completely agree. Shall we go? I've got some briny pears to sort.

Right, guys. I hope your pear brining has gone well this Christmas Eve. If indeed you do, I was going to say support. If you support the football team, then it's Christ. If you do, he's a say support if you support the football team then it's Christ

if you do he saves he saves if you're if you're just having Chinese food on Christmas Day enjoy that

but make sure your Chinese food is or KFC make sure that your food is accompanied by the very best Brian Hayes

we'll see you very soon have a great week we'll be back before the new year alright ta ta very best Brian Hayes we'll see you very soon have a great week we'll be back before the new year all right ta-ta this was a Stakhanov production

and part of the ACAST creative network