The Luke and Pete Show - Did you order some gateway crimes?

Episode Date: November 3, 2022

Guy Fawkes night is around the corner so Luke and Pete are getting in the spirit by planning petty crimes. It's all fun and games until Luke potentially gets embroiled in an actual crime.Elsewhere, Pete starts beef with a Michelin star chef and we finally get an explanation for why Donny is so, erm... unique.Want to contact the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Thursday! The 3rd of November. A few days after Halloween and two days before your friend and mine, Guy Fawkes nights where everyone dresses up in those anonymous masks and just tries to be nefarious and spooky and like they're going to blow something up. Yeah. How you doing, everyone? Nice to talk to you. If I was going to do something like that in an anonymous mask on Guy Fawkes Night, I think I would go into a corner shop, probably one not near my house because I respect the local industry, and steal a Mars duo. I'd knock some oat milk on the floor

and then run off. I'd do this as well. People listening can't, oat milk? Where do you live? You don't get oat milk in the corner shop in South Lille City. Yeah, around here there's oat milk

all over the place. And the more excruciating brands, like, is it Local Legends or something? There's one that's called, like, Proper Heroes or Big Legends or something. It's got excruciating artwork on the side. They're worse than Craft Ale manufacturers. They really are. The one we buy has got like

drawings of the CEO on the side and it really grinds my gears. All that shit grinds my gears. I'm not into that kind of, oh, here's a bottle of a little tiny bottle of fruit juice uh why don't you take the time to do something amazing today well why don't you fucking shut up because i'm on the way to work and i can't get any breakfast because i slept in late i've got a bit of a hangover i just want to get on my day anyway what i was going to say was if i

was if i did have one on the v for vendendetta, Mars Hill and then Stolen Mars Duo, would that be good enough and exciting enough to be on the DVD extras of the new Purge film? I don't know. Well, maybe if you sort of coupled it with like, I don't know,

driving past in a Fiat Uno, flicking the V's at a church maybe. Maybe a bit of that. A bit of drive-by swearing. That's a gateway crime. That's a gateway crime. Before you know it, you're stealing a coffee from the Costa Express.

That's always a letdown, isn't it, when you're driving. So my wife, the wife I have access to, is obsessed with iced coffee, right? Yeah. And it's a big thing in New England. You get it all year round. People just drink it.

It doesn't matter how cold it is, and it gets a lot colder there than it does here. Even if it's cold. Even if it's cold. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah,. And it's a big thing in New England. You get it all year round. People just drink it. It doesn't matter how cold it is. And it gets a lot colder there than it does here. Even if it's cold. Even if it's cold. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a big thing. So they sell it all year round.

And I think New England's unknown for it around the rest of the United States. It's like a stereotype. Anyway, as I'm sure you know, up until fairly recently, iced coffee wasn't really a thing. And it's become more of a thing now, but particularly in the summer.

I think it's Costa, the only ones that do it all year round so everyone on the motorway you know we want it and the Wi-Fi I have access to

wants a nice coffee you're looking on the signs for the service station and it comes up Costa sometimes it says Costa Express and Costa Express is just a machine

in inside a larger shop yeah it's sometimes W.H. Smith sometimes Sainsbury's. I think also sometimes maybe a Shell as well.

Yeah, sometimes Shell garages. And some of them have the till receipt that you've got to take to the till. Some of them have the little receipt that comes out of the machine. Some of them don't. Either way, I forget. Either way, you're not getting my...

And what a lot of people don't know is actually that the Costa Expresses that are in the Shell petrol stations are part of what's known as the costa express compromise where shell said um we're taking nine and a half billion uh sorry yeah a billion dollars a quarter in profit and we're not going to pay any tax in the uk on that but what we will do is a gesture of goodwill admitting absolutely no liability but as a gesture of goodwill um is we'll put a Costa Express in one in every three Shell petrol stations on the motorways of Britain

and we'll call it even. And Rishi Sunak said that's fine. And if you're on a subway counter, we'll sometimes give you one of those as well. We'll drop you one of those in six inches only because we're not made of money. That's the bargain. We're not dishing out footlongs here. you one of those as well we'll drop you one of those in um six inches only you know because um

it's you know we're not made of money that's the bargain we're not dishing out footlongs here no way by the way all subways to try this one on for size right we've talked about this before all shops pump in some kind of smell into their shop don't they i think that's apocryphal. No, it's not. I think that happens. You're thinking of Vegas oxygen, aren't you? What, Vegas? Well, I hope there's oxygen in Vegas. I mean, if you've got bread cooking in an oven,

that's just going to have the smell of bread. But I don't think they are cooking it. What do you mean? I think what's happening is... They've got ovens. They've definitely got ovens. Yeah, but it's just warming. It's just warming, mate. I think it's... You're They've got ovens. They've definitely got ovens. Yeah, but it's just warming. It's just warming, mate. I think it's...

You're in the pocket of Big Subway. That's your problem. I think you get given the... It's almost made. And then you just put it... It's like those little croissants you get in the... Not the just roll. That's completely cooked by you.

But sometimes you'll just get a little thing to warm in the oven. And then it's ready for you. I don't observe it. You don't observe it. So all i was going to say was what i'd love to see so there's an amazing scene in the first episode of rams's kitchen nightmares yeah he's got these idiot chefs and they don't know what they're doing it's really bad and so he does a blind taste test with them and he and he blindfolds them and he gets them to eat different types of pasta right yeah and because their palates are completely fucked, the one they choose, right,

the one they choose is the pot noodle. Yeah, okay. So he does like three nicely homemade pastas and the fourth one's a pot noodle like chicken and mushroom and they choose,

all of them choose that one, right? And he's fuming. My point was just going to be that in Subway, I reckon if you did a blind taste test with a really, someone who's got a really good palate, like I don't know, like a Michelin starred

you know, I can judge or what's it, what they call it judge or whatever I don't know if they could do anything in Subway because every single thing tastes exactly the same, there's no way you can do different meats and know them blindfolded in Subway. I don't know, you could detect

a steak thing and a meatball marinara, I reckon you'd probably tell the difference between that just from texture but I would and know them blindfolded in the subway. I don't know, you could detect a steak thing in a meatball marinara. I reckon you'd probably tell the difference between that just from texture. But I would say that it wouldn't, isn't it, it must be bloody miserable to be a professional sort of food kind of reviewer or something like that.

To have such a delicate palate and to be not rewarded with it 99% of the time. You must be like, like oh this is all disgusting this is all horrible because in your mind you think that so if you think of a of a michelin judge in your mind they're doing that every night they're not yeah no no so what are they doing the other nights yeah what i would say i would say like um i we went to a nice restaurant in when we were in new york and it was like unbelievably you know taste menu kind of yeah i didn't go i don't know i don't know what it was you know very well but um that that food is so it's like in the top 10 of food i've ever eaten and but that's i'm

41 yeah top 10 percent say again they if d... Dave Chang. Right, listens to five episodes at random of this show, and listens to the stuff you get up to, and is getting a 10% top 10% berth only for his restaurant in Midtown. He has given up the trade. I think he'd respect my approach to frozen sausages, to be quite frank. He's getting the top 10 and and every other night that week you've basically eaten from fucking food carts on the corner of the of the streets in new york like before you were a fucking gyros from a from a fucking truck

and i shortchanged them and not a good truck not one of those posh trucks where everyone goes oh you've got to try this, as in like a proper old-fashioned truck. Yeah, it was like, you don't really see them very often in London. You used to see like hot dog on nights out. You used to have like hot dog on the corner of every street, but I think people have sort of thought

it's probably not the best idea. What, is Dave Chang the same as P.F. Chang? Am I confusing the two needlessly because pf chang seems to have a chinese restaurant in every town in america but i think dave chang might be slightly different slightly more upmarket yeah i don't think yeah it's tough to say different is it pf chang pf chang's yeah yeah yeah i don't know i've never really. I've never really been in either of them. But I do know that about 10 years ago, our friends who are on the more tedious... And listen, you and I are tedious about different things.

This is not a criticism of them. But people who are more on the tedious end of food will start going, oh, yeah, yeah. You've not even been to Dave Chang's place yet. Dave Chang's doing a deep fried arsehole in a pickle mayo down in a pop-up on uh let me finish down a pop-up on uh on hackney on hackney barge on hackney wick and if you've not been there i mean it's impossible to get a table but i've already been there 50

why is that always the case oh it's impossible to get in there actually but you've suddenly already been there 15 times so how's that even even possible? Yeah, but I think with... I would say that our foodie friends aren't really into the... aren't really into the... I'm not chatting about it, but they're not really into the kind of lifestyle of, rah, rah, rah, we're going out for a meal in that there London. I think they're very much like, I really want to eat that food.

They're very focused on the food rather than the whole tell people about it I would say maybe I don't know I don't agree with that

because otherwise I would never know about it I would never know anything about it but they only tell me because then I'll eat anything but I'll never sort of suggest anything myself because I'll let everyone down

I've sometimes been in a nice restaurant with you where you're having a really nice time and the proprietor will come out and go I really enjoy the food and I'll say to the proprietor yeah there's no point you being here because he'll eat anything. You could be serving up

anything and I'd eat it. It's not a good assessment. I think I think they do people do talk about it. I also think it's a minefield making this show not knowing what the adverts are going to be because it might sound absolutely preposterous

I don't think they're going to be the only thing that always kind of it cuts to me talking about how I'm eating I don't know

risoles that I found in the street you should know because you do all the ads but then it'll cut to me going in my recent diet that I've been sticking to Pete you just said

you ate a risole off the floor I don't even know what, you just said you ate a Rissol off the floor. I don't even know what a Rissol is. Very low calorie when they're off the floor. Exactly, exactly. I find it's very low calorie when the rain's washed a lot of it away. I was trying to trick Buckley the dog who refuses to eat at the moment.

Oh, poor Buckley. He'll eat anything off the floor outside. So I've taken to getting his food and sort of walking around the corner and just putting it in the street. Because he'll eat

anything on the street because he's not allowed to eat food off the street. And sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. What does your anonymous neighbour think about that? It's just me

under the cover of darkness just spreading mucky food in the street that might get eaten, might not get eaten. The foxes won't even touch it. So that says something about the hypoallergenic grain-free food

that Buckley's eating. The foxes won't eat it. What must they think the foxes? They've got some foxes there sitting around. One of them's got a monocle in the bow tie. Very rich this. Very rich for my palate. Even the Dave Changs.

I prefer that kebab that Pete left outside in a bin that we managed to get into. You are going to be on Dominic Littlewood's Neighbours from Hell at some point.

Because I mean, just the stuff you talk about on here that you do. Bless Stu. Bless Stu next door. He, he, he,

he, when I went away one time I'd left a, I said, Stu, I'm just going to put put the the bin bags down the side can you take them out and put them on the uh put all the pavement he's like yeah no worries um and i'd left them on top of my motorbike slash shitty scooter wangy 125t um scooter and um the

fox has been in the kebab i just basically left the best food for the foxes because they just found they just got their way into uh the kebab meat that I'd bought. And they just spread it all over the place, all over the front garden. And Stu, to his eternal credit, because he's a lovely man, he picked it all up. He picked every last bit of bloody kebab meat off the floor for me. He looked up halfway through and you were just sat in the window looking at him.

I'm not even on holiday, mate. I'm not even on holiday. And then when he went to stop, as he looked up at you to stop, because he thought, oh, Pete's back, you just shook your head like that. I was eating lots of kebab. I was eating bits of kebab.

It was me that's been in the kebab. I think people wonder what must happen around your way. What do you mean? Because you're always doing stuff, and a lot of the stuff you're doing, I've never really seen anyone in my neighbourhood do. No.

Right, okay. I mean, everything's in tip-top condition. I mean, a while back, I don't know if I told you this, right? A while back, so I've got a neighbour opposite me on the other side of the road. So my road,

one side of my road is flats, but Maisonette House, so there's like two flats in the house. It looks like a house, but it's got two front doors and I live in one of them, so I just live in a flat upstairs.

And the other side of the road's houses. And the houses are nicer, obviously, because they're bigger. And, I don't know why I told you that, but that's just to give you a little bit of a picture

in your mind so you can imagine it while i'm talking telling people this story when they're on the way to work or whatever and uh so my neighbor's opposite tony uh he's a great lad the older probably in his 60s he's been um running a kind of caribbean west indian food business for a very long time right but the way he does it is like he will cater for private parties or you know he's not really like he's not got a shop or anything uh he just he gets orders in because he's got like a reputation around and his food's amazing um yeah and he caters like private parties and and um christenings and weddings and all the rest of it so anyway he's a character he's like a character in the um in the street because you always see him loading his van up and all the rest of it so i always chat to him

he's a good lad anyway so about three or four weeks ago i saw him a couple of roads away from the house but he was walking back in the direction of where we live yeah and i was walking back i just got off the train i was like tony he's all right mate he's like yeah yeah so you're walking back he said yeah yeah i'm walking back i'll walk with you it's like great because i just got to do something on the way though i was like okay fine uh and we got to about three or four streets away and outside this little corner shop, well, you know those little boxes where they put the leftover newspapers on? They have them in London corner shops.

It's like a little sealed box with a lock on it and they put their leftover magazines and papers in there. And he just stops and sits on there. I was like, all right, what are we doing? He said, well, I lent a guy in the gym 200 pounds and he's going to be here in a minute to tell me why he can't pay me. And I was like, all right.

This is getting tasty. Yeah, I was like, all right, Tony, do you definitely need me here for that? And he was like, yeah, well, just stick around because you'll only be a couple of minutes. I was like, all right, well. I can do with the muscle. Did you say he's not got the money?

No, he's definitely got the money. He hasn't paid me for weeks. He's well overdue with the money. So he's going to come here and tell me why. I was thinking, well, can't he just call you say he's not got the money no he's definitely not got the money he hasn't paid me for weeks he's well overdue with the money so he's going to come and tell me why I was thinking can't he just call you

and tell you that or send you a text anyway so I stand around he mourns his healer heart well you know what this is me

and I'm not even that awkward I was so British about it I was thinking about giving him the money myself get out of here and the guy turned up I think maybe like a Greek guy or a Cypriot guy turned up. I think maybe like a Greek guy

or a Cypriot guy turned up. Big guy. And was like, oh yeah, sorry Tony. I didn't get paid for this job I was doing but I'll get paid next week and I'll give you the money then and sorry about that.

And Tony's like, yeah, I need the money. It didn't get too punchy but it was quite awkward. And then the guy just walked off and me and Tony walked back to the house. I was like, all right Tony, see you later mate.

He's like, yeah, see you later. I was thinking to myself, do I need to be there? Do I need to be there for that? If he ends up murdering him, you're going to be in there. Accessory. You're going to be in the story. You're going to be an accessory to it. I thought I'll say to the police officer, I'll say to the investigating officer,

I didn't want to be there. I thought it was a bad idea. I didn't want to be there. I thought it was a bad idea. Good God, how many times have those words been said in court? Oh, my God. I felt awkward while it was happening. I can't was a bad idea. Good God, how many times have those words been said in court? Oh my God. I felt awkward while it was happening.

I can't do this show by myself. It'll be like cereal, wouldn't it? Little did-did call, incoming call

from Her Majesty's Prison Brixton, Luke Moore. What have you done today? Well, I put some sugar in a kettle

and threw it on someone. Oh, thanks, Luke. Great. Really exciting stuff. Well, to be fair, though, in my defence, last week I was shanked in the chow line, so what goes around comes around. Tony will get away scot-free. Bloody Tony.

Anyway, so nothing happened, but, I mean, if it does escalate, then I shall let you know. But, I mean, so far, nothing doing, really. Good stuff. Good stuff. I shall let you know, but I mean, so far, nothing doing, really. Good stuff. Good stuff. Well, I've been talking, right, Luke, to someone who's come into my life,

and they are, A, in charge of kind of like social work. Is that fair? I don't know who it is or what they do, so how am I going to know if it's fair or not so a friend of a friend is a social worker and they were telling me right about what

what makes good parents and what makes bad parents when through things like fostering and adoption

well they said could you come with us on Friday night to show what if things go wrong what happens if someone's parent is bad

or good or what and they were saying like what people what kids who have gone through like trauma need If things go wrong. What happens if someone's parent is bad? If things go wrong, yeah. Or good or what? And they were saying like, what kids who have gone through like trauma need is dependability, regularity, a system, things like that, right? Okay. And just basically like being there

when you see you're going to be there, like reliability and stuff like that. I've been saying this to you, about you, for fucking 10 years. I need me to be more reliable, but I'm not my own dad, I'm a man. But all of this stuff they were telling me, right, and I was absolutely fascinated

because I've never sat down with a health professional to talk about my brain, right? But when I say it, it means nothing. You're not a training professional. No. I was talking to them about what makes a good parent, what makes a bad brain, right? When I say it, it comes, it's nothing. You're not a trained professional. No. I was talking to them about, like, what makes a good parent, what makes a bad parent, right? And, oh, my God, I had no idea how shabby my daddy was,

how shabby my mummy was. Oh, I've lost you. Don't be like that. He's doing his best. And they're lovely and they're absolutely great, but there was so much stuff that they were telling me that I was suddenly like, right right that's not what my parents did and i saw my parents at the weekend we popped up to uh what you took a special trip to because you

had a few bones to pick notepad massive notepad folder full of burgling paperwork i want you i want you there at 10 and i was and i was like and and uh it just really made me laugh because it's just like i saw it the weekend and i felt very guilty because I was having very impure thoughts about their parenting suddenly. That's a shame. Yeah, it's a shame, isn't it? You turned out okay. Look, you're a high achiever. But also, like what the social worker was saying is that most parents that have shortcomings, it's all for a fucking reason because their parents were shit

and like you know my dad my dad's mom and dad would like would break the shit out of each other pissed out their heads every night you know what i mean so it's like you sort of think oh yeah but it's not their fault though is it and then presumably their parents were shit as well so i think i think stewie and christine the very, very best they fucking could. How old were my parents? I think they were about 30, I think. Oh, okay. So my parents were only, I think my mother was just 24 when I was born.

Right, okay. So pretty young. So basically, the age I am now, my parents were this age, I was 18. Yeah, okay. So I think age factor is part of it as well, I think. Yeah, massively. You know, my dad said to me, it's ages ago now, probably 20 years ago. I was an adult.

I think I'd done uni or something by then. He said to me, oh, we're having a beer or something. It wasn't like particularly awkward or anything like that. I get on pretty well with my dad. But he said to me, we were talking about something that happened when I was young or whatever. And he said, oh, yeah, just, you know know the thing is i no one gives you a manual you know no one no one like to be honest like his parents were very old um so his parents were i think in their 40s when he was born which is quite rare for obviously back in the 50s and so yeah he was like yeah i don't think you got any really much help at all and so he he said yeah no one gives you i always sticks with me no one gives you a manual you've got to do your

best right no and and and talk this this person is this professional they were sort of saying that you know like saying all this stuff and i was like well i mean so parents who have got kids who've like gone through trauma and stuff like they get some get some help. But like, to be better parents, but like, what happens to people who don't, like, anyone can have a kid. No one,

again, no one tells you what you're doing. So it's just kind of like, so that's how, you know, my parents dealt with it and that's how the parents dealt with it. So I was just really surprised

a lot of the things they said. I was like, I can think of three examples where they did not do that. And I'm like, oh no. But I'm just saying, Luke, I've discovered, because I've never done therapy, I think I've discovered And I'm like, oh no. But I'm just saying, Luke,

I've discovered, because I've never done therapy, I think I've discovered why I'm an absolute bellend. Well, this is, I mean, this is great news for me. I think I might be hypervigilant because of the chaos and the trauma of my past life.

Is it Philip Larkin who said, they fuck you up, you mum and dad, they may not mean to, but they do. There was certainly someone. For some reason, I think that the only time I've ever heard that

is being recited by a scouser. Larkin wasn't a scouser, though, was he? I don't think so. Where was he from? I don't really know much about his work. Why do I think it was Roger McGough who wrote The Great Smile Robbery? Why do I think that's Roger McGough?

Apparently, Philip Larkin was an Englander. Sorry, a Midlander. Well, speaking of Roger McGough, I don't know how much I can say about this. Ooh. Bit of primal 2022 Roger McGough action. Well, can we just have a break and come back and I'll tell you what I was going to say.

Okay, so just stick around everyone. We'll be back after this. The only podcast in 2022 talking about Roger McGough. It's the Luke of Beach, JP. What? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Sorry, sorry. You carry on.

You promised a Roger McGough story. No. Before the break, you promised me some Roger McGough story. No, it's not a Roger McGough story. It's related to Roger McGough because I used to work with, for a while, on some stuff, his son. Okay, fair. And his son was the manager, not at the time.

His son was the manager of the Happy Mondays. Okay. And his son is either in or he co-wrote or he helped to produce 24-hour party people as well. Okay. And I was working for some people. Excuse me a second. Oh, I couldn't tell whether Luke was either doing a cough or a sneeze. I thought he was getting into the sneeze scene like me last week. Yeah, so yeah, I used to work with Nathan McGoff,

and he was, I don't know what's happened to him now, I haven't looked him up for years, but he wasn't a fucking character, let me tell you that, right? He's the manager of the Happy Mondays. Yeah. I mean, you don't get buttoned down, sooty guys being managers of the Happy Mondays. He was a terrifying man.

So I was looking after a band who were looking to be signed in London back 15 years ago, 16 years ago. They put some singles out on a couple of London-based labels, Shifty Disco, one or two others, and they were looking to be signed in London back 15 years ago, 16 years ago. They put some singles out on a couple of London-based labels, Shifty Disco, one or two others, and they were looking to be signed. And Nathan McGoff took an interest in them. That was back when you had a big cigar

and you were going, Monster, Monster. Yeah. Come and sign my boys. Yeah, beautiful. That's when people used to call me Mr. Big. They used to call me Mr. Big.

And anyway, he was an animal. But honestly, I've been in meetings back in the day I was in meetings in the backs of there's an amazing wine bar I don't know if it's still there

in Kentish Town slash Camden and it's at the back of a kebab house right and I remember being there this is what it was like

right with him discussing like a record deal with him and some other people at like one in the morning absolutely smashed in a wine bar behind a kebab house which somehow ended up in a fight and that was like business then he sounds like a lot of fun to be honest he said is he busy

next week i can i can remember i can also remember the show that this band did where it was a big show it was at a festival it was probably about there's definitely thousands of people there and they weren't the big name band or anything

but they were there because they got they got put on the bill somehow and anyway they were playing and it was overseas it was a festival

where the music goes all night and there's nothing on during the day and it was about two in the morning it was hectic so honestly at one point,

halfway through the set, he wasn't happy with how the band were playing. In the middle of the set and in the middle of one of the songs, he ran on the stage and started strangling the bass player. I mean, if the bass is that high in the mix, he needs a strangler.

That's all I'm saying. If that bassist is insisting that the bass is that high in the mix look if you're going to stick your head above the parapet you better make sure

you're Mark King from level 42 at that point oh yeah that's your cultural touchstone is it for bass players

that's the first bass player you thought of well they'll have to flee of course it goes him it goes the man

out of level 42 David Boyce bass the guy from Primus remember him the guy from primus liz claypool everyone used to talk about him didn't they anyway so so this happens mcgough runs on stage grabs the bass player start strangling him right and i was sat at the start of the side of the stage stringing a guitar because i was like road manager kind of roadie help out

kind of person at that point i'm stringing a guitar because one of the guitar strings broken the song before right so i'm sat on the wings with the guitar on my knees stringing a guitar the other road got manager this guy called peter he was like look at me going what do i do i was like i don't know because you can't have more people going on stage to stop the fight just let him get on with it and um i was over it by that point the next morning i flew back and i was in such a shit state i just i just i just fucking wrapped up exactly on that next day and i was i was fed up asleep in the back of a fucking plumber's van on the way to the airport to go to this festival we had so little money we all had to jam ourselves with the gear into the back of this plumber's van

it was so dangerous if there had been anything so much as like an emergency stop, people would have been really badly hurt. And at that point, I was just over it. Anyway, it sorted itself out. I think he just got bored and just fucking walked off. I mean, I didn't see him again for the rest of the show or the rest of the flight back or anything. Right, okay.

Very, very odd man. Anyway, I wasn't planning on talking about him. Don't know how much of that can be used, but Roger McGough's son's a maniac. If he's still with us, I wish him all the very best, but he's roger mcgough's son's a maniac if he's still with us i wish him all the very best but he's a maniac well i mean you can do that because you you literally saw him strangle a bassist on stage i think that's fair i think that all of that is absolutely fine i should probably give a shout out to the band because um they didn't get their

just desserts at all they didn't get any it was called yeah and here they are just play us out with clocks it was level 42 it was mark king there are they are just play us out with clocks it was level 42 it was Mark King aha they're a band called Members of the Public and before that

they were called Killers on Camera and they never got the fucking they got a record made it never got put out because I think the label fucked them or something

but if you go to killersoncamera.com someone's uploaded all the music because I think they got so fed up of waiting around they just took the masters or the demos or something and just put them up online, so if you really want to listen, they're a great

new wave band, give them a go, they deserve a lot more than they got, give that a listen They did, exactly so they, when they're in their kind of power pop phase, they wrote a song called Milk and Honey, which I said to them look, I've done all this work for you, you've never paid me a penny I understand that because you've not

you've not got any money yourselves. But I now want to start this podcast. So can I use one of your songs? And they said, yeah. And I chose Milk and Honey. And that's the very first theme tune for the Football Rambles. So there you go.

That's how the story fits in. It's a good tune. Very good. Before we go, Pete, we've got to do batteries. Or Rory will kick our arses. The battery daddy will kick our arses. Exactly, yeah.

Rory is the battery daddy. It's his birthday today. He's 32. He's fucking 30. He's getting older every hour. Yeah, every hour. I think he's literally like 24 or something. In the words of the Foo Fighters,

one of these days, Rory's heart will stop and he will have to climb into a big battery daddy and be buried with all the other battery daddies. Put it this way. When I was being terrorised by Nathan McGough, Rory would have been seven years old. That's horrible to think. That's horrible to think.

Anyway, Andrew Wilkie's got in touch. Hello, Luke and the Pete. Please find attached for your perusal a battery that came out of one of my kids halloween decorations now he's put kids in inverted commas uh extra and i worry about what that means uh extra super do a day no well they're either made of they're either made of like straw yes or he's bought. He's stolen the kids. Extra Super Duraday. If you look closely, it also says Plumbum. Triple A in size. It's, yeah, Extra Super Duraday.

I don't mind that. I like it. I like that they're black and orange in the Halloween theme, Pete. Yeah, and they've gone for like, so they've got Mercury and Cadmium and Plumbum. Plumbum's just lead, isn't it? And they've gone for like, so they've got Mercury and Cadmium and Plumbum. Plumbum's just lead, isn't it? Have they just, have they, oh, 0%, 0% Mercury and Cadmium and Plumbum,

which I believe is lead. But why are they using a euphemism for lead? Is lead like a no-no to mention on battery because it might upset people? Yeah, I'm not sure. Unfortunately, Dura Day aren't the new players i mean they've been seven times uh dating all the way back to may of last year so thank you for sharing andrew but they're not um they're not new uh on the mercury thing we used to have a mercury maze in our house like a little handheld mercury maze oh well like a little kind of like you would usually have a little ball bearing yeah but it was mercury and my my dad got it one Christmas from my mum or something.

One day, one day, mate, just went down into the living room, pick up the mercury maze. No mercury in it. Oh. Just leaked out somewhere. Someone just chucked it. I remember just chucking the bin

and getting on with our lives. Yeah. So somewhere, somewhere there was a little bit of mercury in that. There's this, there's this kind of metal that I had that I bought a little bit of mercury in that. There's this kind of metal that I had that I bought a little amount of, and it's metal.

It's kind of hard at room temperature, but put it in your hands, and it resembles mercury completely. It sort of rolls around your hand like mercury. Oh, yeah, you told me about this before. It sounds quite interesting. Yeah, and I kept sending a video of it to my dad, going, look, Dad, I bought some mercury.

It's just to upset him. So you go, fuck you fucking son. It's funny because you started off the show talking about the parenting shortcomings. And I think maybe the blame may at least partly be on your doorstep. But anyway, carry on. Number two. I'm testing the fences. For weaknesses.

Battery number two. What is it? Battery number two. Burton's got in touch hi look at Pete long time listener second time email I previously sent you

an email about how otters are the greatest evil of the animal kingdom back when the Luke and Pete show was Luke and Pete's summer but I'm keen to get into the battery game so I've attached

for your consideration a photo of a triple A battery I found in my son's digital thermometer lot of like thermometer scales we get a lot of batteries out of those things

this little guy was feeling under the weather so my wife got it out of the packaging to check his temperature uh but before she could do just that i grabbed it from her hand to check what was inside and lo and behold i found this a power flash uh hoping it's a new player and praying i'm not making an absolute fool of myself have you risked your child's uh health for a good reason or a bad reason let's find out burton let's find out, Burton. Let's find out. Powerflash. Is there any reason, Burton,

why you didn't take your child's temperature before? Well, actually, what I was doing was I took the battery out of it. It used to be called Luke and Pete's Summer. Yeah, yeah. The Summer. Yeah. No, his open, that hasn't happened.

You literally have to go and say your final goodbyes. Please stop. His hasn't. His hasn't. That hasn't happened. No, there isn't a battery in the live support screen. It's plugged into the main.

So, Burton, I am absolutely delighted after that, frankly, quite disrespectful way. Horrific, yeah. Apologies. I went on a flight of fancy that ended up with

a horrible image burn. We've riffed. We've riffed on your family there and that is not what we should be doing, so we apologise. Well, do we?

It'd be south to the wound, Peter, to know that Power Flash are indeed a new player. Hey, it was worth it all along. Well done. R.I.P. Gary. Gaz. Gaz is going to touch.

Awful. Awful. Man. Terrible man. What's he like, Pete, to work with? He's a terrible man. He's just a terrible man. Gaz says...

I'm sure he's fine. Gaz, hi, gents. Been a stat listener for many a year now and been wanting to get in the battery game for some time. However, despite my best efforts, I have until now only come across your run-of-the-mill, well-known global battery brands. Until today, I work at ANSTO,

Australia's Nuclear Science and Technology Organisation Wow Yeah That's an amazing job When entering a building I was working in today I glanced across the road

I got across the hall I had a familiar sight of a rack of EPDs used to measure radiation when working in a hotspot This rack however had a holder for new and dead batteries

and my genitals tingled with excitement. That's the radiation. I was in the prospect of finally being able to submit a new player. I don't recall these being mentioned before, so I thought I'd try my luck. I give you FANSO. They were double As. FANSO ER14505H3.6V lithium battery.

Beautiful, beautiful. Yeah, I mean, sadly for our friend Gaz they are not a new player because in July our friend Daniel sent in a Fanzo 9 volt all the way

from Pforzheim Germany so we have seen them only once before but that's enough in a different voltage format in a different

voltage format but as we both know by now once is all you need exactly so sadly not a new player but Power Flash are a new player so one new player this this uh thursday not too bad yeah and thank you for uh for risking your job because as you explained in the email uh you're not technically

allowed to take photographs due to confidentiality and security reasons you know what i like about the photo that gaz has sent in he's got a proper set of workman's hands. He has got a proper set of workman's hands and he's also, I mean, just out of focus. I don't think we'd really reverse that in Photoshop, but there's definitely some handwritten charts on the wall that are probably really, really confidential. So it's good stuff. It's good stuff.

Luckily we can't read them. His hands are rough as a badger's arse. Exactly, exactly. Right, that has been The Looking Picture Show for another Thursday. We'll be back on Monday for fewer batteries, but presumably more conversations about people's children, shabby dads, dirty fingernails, and all kinds of stuff, really. And just more reasons why everything that goes wrong is everyone else's fault.

Exactly. And not ours. That's what I'm talking about. We don't do anything wrong. Why is it always us on the end of it? See you on Monday. Have a good weekend. Ta-ta. the luke and pete show is a stack production and part of the acast creator network