The Luke and Pete Show - Discos, Dads and Dirty Talk

Episode Date: January 11, 2021

We’re back! On today’s show, the boys get stuck into some important business as Pete ranks his favourite types of army troops, before we discuss the most acceptable facial hair choices a man can make. Elsewhere, Luke seeks advice from an experienced electrician, Pete tells us all about a very well-endowed Danish man’s cartoon catastrophes and we reminisce about boys’ school discos. Listen now!Get involved over at [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

stronger than one of army hammers dms this is the luke and pete show my name is pete donaldson luke moore it's a monday we're coming in a little later so we should be a little bit more awake uh than we usually are sometimes record a little earlier uh in in the day and i'm always feeling a little bit sleepy and i can never get my words out correctly. So I'm hoping, Luke, that I'm going to perform better. I will drink all of your fucking blood. All of it. All of you listening and you dancing. I want to hold your little heart in my hand

and feel it pulsing away. Is it wrong? Is it wrong? Yes, yeah. Yeah, I'm going to go yeah with that one. No, is it wrong that when I first saw this Army Hammer business this morning, and for those who aren't aware, they should just go and look it up, but when I saw some of the content of the DMs,

I was immediately put in mind of the really intense guy who works in the diner in Waynesville. Do you remember that character? Not really, no. So people in the diner talk to him and he works there. And every time they tell him something that's gone wrong with their life, he comes up with a really over-the-top, intense solution. So this one guy sat there going, oh, you know what? I think I'm going to lose my job because, you know,

my boss is an asshole and all this kind of stuff. Do you know what I'd like to do? And the guy who works in the diner goes, yeah, I know what you'd like to do. You'd like to reach over there, slice his chest open, pull his heart out and show him how black it is before he dies. And the guy's like, no, I was just thinking I'm making a sort of representation to my union rep.

That's what Armie Hammer reminds me of now. He's the main diner guy in Wayne's World. Fantastic character, very funny. Not so funny when it's Armie Hammer. Or when Michael, because he's big. The problem with Armie Hammer having these kinky dreams is that he's quite big and imposing, isn't he? I don't like to think about it.

That says more about you than him. Exactly, yeah. I feel very vulnerable when big men are near me um yeah shouldn't look i haven't read around everything uh i i heard words like controlling and abusive so i don't really want to go really far into it but um i don't want to kink shame but it's uh yeah i mean it's something in it it's strong it's stronger than you expect from people's DMs actually wanting to be a cannibal. Yeah, I don't, I mean, to me it feels like

one of those things where no one's coming out of it with any credit because if consenting adults are having these little kind of fantasies, it's not really any of my business. No. And then for the DMs to be released is a little bit of a shame. But at the same time, if his behaviour is really problematic, I just don't have enough hours in the day to drill down into it.

What we need is we need listeners to get in touch. What's happening? Just let us know. Just tell us. Yeah. Is it good thumbs up or thumbs down? Yeah. I mean, yeah.

Is it better than true Jordy's DMs? Just let us know, right? Yeah. And the thing is, credit to Army because, I mean, if you think about the stuff we've got to deal with just on a daily basis at the moment, I mean, I'm not exaggerating when I say global pandemic, you know, stock and food disappearing

from supermarket shelves in the UK. And Army has gone the extra mile to really give us some escapism. Yeah, look, I respect the troops, the Army, the Navy, all of them. Yeah. What's your favourite ones, though? Put them in order. Probably top one is the Air, because they help people in trouble. Then it is the Pokemon.

Then it is Marines, because you get good books out the marines don't you rather than zero and all that i suppose so yeah but i don't think he was a marine was he what andy mcnab was he no what was he what was oh he's in the s.a.s that means he'd be uh being i don't know i guess he would be special forces but i guess if you're if you're a marine don't you go into the sbs i need to ask a bike down to my local pub. Drinking Doombaugh. Pete, I thought you were going to say by far the best service is the Air Force. It's the campus.

The campus? What do you mean? As in like because you watch Top Gun and you think it's the most camp? It's the most camp, isn't it? Why is the force camp? Being in the Air Force is the most camp, I would say. Well, I don't know. It's certainly, they were always like the landed classes. They were always like the fancy boys, weren't they?

Exactly. The fancy fly boys. Yeah, exactly. Moustaches and all sorts. Moustaches. Everyone had a moustache back in the day. What's wrong with you? My friend Tommy will go into bat continually about a moustache.

He will continually say a moustache is a perfectly acceptable facial hair choice. And the fact that it's been pilloried for being quote unquote kind of hipster fashionista type stuff is absolute bollocks and he won't stand for it. Yeah, no, I agree. And I'm a little bit annoyed by the fact that there's a lot of white hair coming through on my beard, nearly a white hair on my upper lip. So I think I may just kind of like sashay from lockdown beard into problematic town man with moustache. Did your dad ever have a moustache? Yeah, he had it right throughout the 80s. When he shaved it off, I screamed.

It was the first time he brought on a microwave. Massive thing it was. And he shaved off his moustache. I had two things to be scared of. Where did he get that from? What do you mean, the moustache or the microwave? Either. be scared of. Where did he get that from? What do you mean? The moustache in the microwave? Either.

Take your pick. Probably Rumbelows. Remember Rumbelows? Probably that. Yeah. Was that Rentals? Was that Rentals Rumbelows? Radio Rentals.

No, Rumbelows. No, a different place, I think. Radio Rentals. Did you ever have a Radio Rentals telly? My nan did. No. With an unlovable little clock you'd put pound coins into. Oh, really?

That's fucking mad. Yeah, did you ever have that? No. Yeah. Surely there must have been a way to, because it's only a telly, off-the-peg telly from bloody China or whatever. Like, surely you'd be able to just jerry-rig it so that it would just turn on.

As I said to you before, Donny, we were always fairly well- stocked in the electronics department because although we were poor, my dad worked at an electronics factory. So we'd get all the car stuff and everything. And going back to the moustache thing, regular listeners to the Luke and Pete show or keen-eared listeners will remember that I told the story a wee while ago about a guy, a dad of one of my friends who lived about five doors down in my street growing up, and he got pissed off with a bunch of us.

And he picked up a go-kart while there's a kid still in it, and he threw the whole thing. Did I tell you that? I think you did, yeah. It sounded like a man who's, you know, he just had enough really, hadn't he? Yeah, he had a moustache. And he was also in a war.

So I think he might have been a bit of PTSD maybe. Yeah, might have seen something. Yeah, look, I mean, that's how it manifests itself, isn't it, PTSD? If you are manhandling or boyhandling a person in a go-kart, you've got to think, look, that's come from somewhere and he needed an outlet and he found it. He threw the go-kart kid. Yeah, and the thing about it was,

was like our whole universe was shattered into a million bits at that exact moment because the kid in the go-kart was a kid called Paul Button who was, by general consensus, the toughest kid on the street. And then this bad energy just came in and everything we knew had crumbled into dust like instantly, fucking hell. It was basically like um it was

basically like you know being like the hardest guy in you know i don't know like the country and then like thanos turning up yeah yeah he just picked you up in the in in the go-kart and rainbow roaded you absolutely in my mind in my mind the go-kart burst into flames there's no there's no way that could have happened. He slipped on it and a little turtle shell hit him in the head. Yeah, exactly right. So I've got a TV memory if you want one. So I had a TV in my room, actually, to play on the old Super Nintendo. But what happened was it was obviously a Ferguson

because my dad works in the Ferguson factory. Yeah, I'll tell you it was Ferguson. Quality. Yeah. I think they were quite good at one point. They were very fixable. I know my dad fixed ours a few times. Right.

So mine was this one where it was obviously very analog and it had these buttons you'd push in on the TV itself for the channels or whatever. And then you had a little thing that flipped down. You could use a little orange stick to tune the channel to fine tune everything yeah but when but the thing was right whenever you turned it on i'll try and do an impression of it i'll try and get back from the mic whenever you turned it on it would do this about that right which is obviously fine but until you want to watch tv when you're supposed

to be in bed but i worked out that if you if you if you chimed the uh the back of it off you could hold the bit of the tv that was doing the vibration it was making that noise and turn it on and it would deaden it right luke yeah i cannot um like anybody who is on nodding terms with the cathode ray tube would say that that is the most dangerous thing anyone has ever said i'm just like that's so dangerous whenever you see anybody fixing you know i didn't back then know how quite how dangerous things were you know back they take the back they tell you but honestly get in touch electricians who've taken the back of a telly like the power contained within the um crt the cathode ray tube um is it's so dangerous like when people fix old computers and stuff they say you've got to wait until the the you know the power's dissipated out of the out of the tube before you start

you know you know messing around in the back of that it's so dangerous those things and yeah and it's making a vibration for a reason because there's a lot of voltage going through that what you're saying listen what you're saying is anyone who's on nodding terms with the cathode ray tube listen it's your boy insert eddie murphy gif here i'm not on nodding terms with it so i don't know you can't be an educator if you don't know what you're doing it's time it's quite like you were so close to really hanging off this is like when you discovered that i was eating frozen sausages. Yeah. This is up there for me.

Well, you've got very serious digestive problems now as a result of that, and I've probably got very difficult problems pertaining to attention span and concentration. So, you know, these things shape us, is what I'm saying. Yeah, Dr. Manhattan. Yeah, what know, these things shape us, is what I'm saying. Do you know what once... Yeah, what once was a really boring Dr. Manhattan. What once also happened, I don't know if I've ever told you this, is I'll tell you that my next-door neighbour back then,

I think he's in jail now, but there was all sorts of problematic stuff that went on. And I think he might have shanked someone, like properly stabbed someone up and went to jail. But that was years after we moved out of that area. But he had his own glazing company where he'd put windows in people's houses. And at the time, that didn't ring kind of alarm bells for me. But looking back on it now, I mean, he's going to be fairly near

the bottom of the list of people you want to be putting windows in your house. I mean, one, because he'd be in your house for that's the key and two in half out yeah exactly yeah exactly um but not while the windows fitted because that would be impossible um but but anyway so but the point was he had these um he had this um bit of a reputation on our streets and the older kids would go and hang around his house and he would like let them smoke and booze and stuff right and he was next door neighbor to me so anyway i um i was in bed one night and all these things kept pinging my bedroom window and um and i i kind of had a look and they were and they these guys downstairs the next door the cars slightly older cooler kids were throwing little stones at my window right yeah and um anyway i was like all right how you doing lads yeah fine

i went back to go to sleep and the fucking doorbell went and it was the police and the policeman asked my mum and dad if he could come into our house to have a look from a better point of view to see he was down there throwing stones at people's windows right oh so you might look like an absolute telltale tit your tongue was yeah exactly i was absolutely i was bricking it yeah i must have only been about 12 i was bricking it once you get a reputation for being a bit of a narc you are you know you know that never that stench that stink never leaves you quite frankly but at one point my it was fine because at one point my dad actually stood up to the next door neighbor who was making too much point, my dad actually stood up to the next door neighbour

who was making too much noise. And my dad went round there and kind of gave him what for, which looking back on it now is quite terrifying. And the guy, to be fair to him, I think game recognised game. My dad probably had a moustache at the time as well, so that made it show he meant business. And next day, the guy came round with a bottle of wine for my dad saying sorry.

So my dad had him in his pocket, mate. Like father, not at all like son. Was your dad hard, Pete? Before you move on, was your dad hard? I think he had delusions of being hard. He once had a bit of a grapple with the neighbour and came back with pebble dash scrapes all up his arm uh i remember that much anyway what no not like actual sharp stones that had been embedded in his arm

when he was having a bit of a fight with the deck together you reckon well i don't know because he because he he's a big lad he's short but he's a big lad so. So like, you know, naval man, he's been in a few scraps before. He's got a couple of scars on his face and stuff. So I imagine he could probably handle himself, but I can't imagine what he thinks of me. Yeah. Well, I can't imagine. Well, neither of us are hard on him. You don't need to imagine. He tells you all the time,

I expect. Yeah. Anyway, what were you going to say? I was just saying the... We... Did we talk about... We didn't talk about it yeah yeah anyway what were you gonna say i was just saying the uh uh we did we talk about we didn't talk about it on this show we talked certainly talked about it on uh the ramble um the the man with the longest penis the team yes in denmark so this came up on so to speak on um i think it was like one of those situations where an hour before a record on the Ramble, I was producing the Ramble last week because Chas Mann wasn't in

and about an hour before we recorded, I can't remember who it was now, it might have been Kate just said, oh, we've got to include this, we've got to include this story, even though it's nothing to do with football. And so we did talk about it briefly, but you want to kind of enlighten our listeners or remind

them about what it's all about. Well, I've... So basically, it's an animated TV show. You probably heard about it last week because it was all over the place. It's from Denmark and it's called John Dillamond. And he's a man dressed like a Victorian strong

man, you'd probably say. Kind of like a red and white vest. And he's got the world's longest penis. Yeah and what's the point of it well he uses his penis for different tasks um like you know it's sometimes he his penis gets caught in a passing bus um it's not a task is it it's a horrific accident well that's a horrific accident but basically there's just different kind of um thing like he helps people out with his penis. He gets into trouble with his penis. And obviously people are up in arms.

But look, to be honest, looking at the animation, it's bloody charming. The animation itself looks blooming brilliant. Yeah, but I just don't think that if you're doing an animated kind of feature, you're talking about, just to use words that you've used there, helping people out with his penis, he shouldn't be doing that. Luke, would it change your opinion if you learned that he made his penis into a pogo stick?

I'm watching the trailer now. A pogo stick, helicopter blades. He distracts a lion from attacking some kids on top of an ice cream van. And also he makes a canoe out of his own penis. You shouldn't be hanging around kids in an ice cream van with your cock out. That doesn't matter.

There's a line involved. But listen, do you expect it of the Danes? Are they among the most perverted nation, would you say? I don't know. I don't really see that part of the world as being particularly kind of problematic. I know.

What would be your top three? Belgium. What, Dirty Boys? Top three Dirty Boys? Belgium. Belgium. India got a lot of Dirty Boys, didn't it?

France. They've got a terrible rep. France. France. Yeah, they're more like sexy. Like they're sexy people. There's a certain number of nations where you never get someone from that nation who's just a little bit like that.

So, for example, you never meet anyone who is just a little bit French, do you? Right, okay, yeah. And you never meet someone who's just a little bit Australian, right? They're just all really Australian or really French. So I wonder if there's anything in that. They're passionate. They go all out.

They're really proud of where they're from. You never, ever meet someone new from a different country and go, oh, that's interesting. I can't really place where they're from if they're French or Australian. You know straight away. But I think John Dillamont, you would know that he was Danish because he's created such a kerfuffle. Swedish.

The Swedish are the worst of the Scandinavians. Yeah, they're dirties. They're naughty little dirties. Yeah. I completely agree. We're dirty, but we're fairly repressed. I remember an American guy on you getting really upset. Like, why are all these Torian people?

It was during all of the sleaze that was happening in the in the sort of uh mid 90s late night like why why are all why are these why why do these tori guys always get caught you know with fucking an orange soaked in poppers in their mouth and yeah you know tied up and stuff like just just have a have some sex yeah it. I think you're absolutely right. I think it feeds into you. So repressed, aren't we? Yeah, exactly. It feeds in just to the general idea that British people are repressed,

quite private generally, quite awkward. They play their cards quite close to their chest, generally speaking. A lot of different nations, it's all out there. And it's just like, take it or leave it. It's all out there, right? That's who we are. Yeah, and Britain isn't really like that. So Britain is, and that in a way makes us more perverted

than it would be normally because we're secretive, right? So when I think of like a Swedish pervert, I'm thinking about someone basically just walking around the street, completely billy bollocks. Yeah, completely agree on that one, yeah. The perversion in Britain is probably all behind closed doors. Yeah, I mean, look, we can The perversion in Britain is probably all behind closed doors. Yeah. I mean, look, we can throw scurrilous attacks at any country.

Any nation, and we will. I think any nation, and we will. Just give us any nation and I'll tell you why they're dirty. All right, I'll do it now. Italy. Italy looks like a sexy boot. A little thigh-high boot. All right.

What about Finland? Finland. Saunas, isn't it? Saunas. Say again? Saunas. Saunas. And also it can't really decide whether it's Russia or Scandinavia.

And also fins on a sexy dolphin. What? Not a dolphin. Whale. Blowhole. Okay. What about Brazil? Brazil. Nuts. Blowhole. Okay, what about Brazil? Brazil, nuts.

Nuts, that's dirty. So there you go. And they've always got their bums out when they dance at the carnivals. It's an absolutely foolproof thesis. Honestly, every country is a bit dirty, boy, isn't it? Yeah. I completely agree with you, mate.

Yeah. Totally agree. Thanks for going easy on, mate. Yeah. Totally agree. Thanks for going easy on me and the countries. No worries. I didn't stitch you fully up there. Should we have a little break and contemplate just how filthy and disgusting that we both are?

And then when we come back, we'll do a bit more of this chat and maybe even squeeze an email in or two. This week on Stakhanov. Throughout January, Clash of the Titles are letting you pick the films being battled out on air. Already binged your way through Netflix during lockdown? Listen as Alex, Vicky and Chris rediscover and tear apart old and new favorites alike week in, week out.

I like here though that Michael Bay starts as he means to go on. I made a list of sort of Bay-isms from this sequence. Low angles, lens flare, dry ice, washed out colours, military hardware, men marching, orchestral score, guitar riffs.

Or if you're looking for some much needed escapism, why not catch up with the Abroad in Japan podcast? Chris was recently joined by Joey the Anime Man to discuss mastering conversational Japanese.

That's a really interesting topic about channelling, which is where you kind of go, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. In Japanese, if go oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. In Japanese, if you don't do the every now and then, then people just think you're not listening or you're ignoring them.

All that and a whole lot more at Sikhanov. And we're back with the Luke and Pete show. Welcome to our Dirty Boys celebration. If you don't want to get into the show, hello at lucanpeachshow.com is the way to do it.

And put Dirty Boy in the subject line and we'll definitely read it. Oh, you Dirty Boy. Yeah. I was pre-planning to talk about this today and I wasn't planning on talking about any of the stuff that you've brought to the table already. So this is going to seem a bit bad taste, but i'm not a flexible enough broadcaster to not do it so i'm going to bring it to the table now last night i had a um a dream that there was a school reunion from my um infant

school yeah and but it was the form of a an infant school disco but we were all adults and had to be there. Right. So it was in the same hall that the school disco was in, an infant school, when I would have been about, I don't know how old I would have been, like seven. Right. But it was all adults and I didn't know anyone and I was worried that I was at the wrong school.

So what that reminded me of is, do you remember school discos when you were a kid? Isn't it such quite a weird thing? Yeah, I remember. Why are they doing it? Why are they making you do it? It doesn't, yeah, it seems very, I mean, what is this supposed to do, to prepare you for adult discos?

Why do kids need to dance? They are constantly dancing around, running around. They get all the exercise. They get all of the, you know, it's a mixed class. It's not like, you know, it's not like you're going to meet people. There's not even an adult version of it. What do you mean? As in? It's not like you're going to meet people. There's not even an adult version of it. What do you mean? As in nightclub, isn't it?

It's not preparing you for anything, is it? Yeah, exactly. School-based nightclub. Yeah, it's a school nightclub, isn't it? A dance. How many nightclubs have you been to where there's a separate little room with a tuck shop in it? It doesn't happen.

Hang on. At your school disco, there's a separate little room just for people to have ket. What do you mean when you say I don't understand the northern people? What do you mean? Ket. What's ket? Kendi.

I've never heard it called that before. Ket is something else in my book. Yeah, it was like a separate room where you could buy like, I don't know, 20p worth of fruit chews or something. So it's like a... Yeah, but that is preparing you for a nightclub because he's like the guy who's selling pills.

There's the guy who's selling pills to the kids. What were you like at the school disco? I don't know. I mean, school disco is that frisson of sexuality, even in your formative years. I remember I once told, I remember being at a school disco in Eldon Grove Primary School. I told Mrs. Weatherall, a teacher, a lovely teacher,

I love Mrs. Weatherall, that she wanted to know why all the kids were talking about Mars bar parties. And I decided to tell her what a Mars bar party was. Why was that a thing in the 80s? Don't know. Don't know. That was all the rage at my school know don't know just see that was all the rage at my school as well people talking about that i mean i hate to sort of like you know dirty up this uh dirty boy um show even further but yeah i mean if you didn't know what it was i don't even

think it's on google to be honest just ask someone else i'm not going into it but um mrs weatherall uh she's good what are these people talking about? I went, a Mars bar party, miss. It's this. And she went, oh. Oh, dear. Well, you didn't get in trouble for that? No, because I was explaining what, you know,

the word of the street was. I was like, I was like, she was like Frank Drebin from Naked Gun slash Police Squad. And I was the shoeshine man. Yeah, that's disappointing because I remember getting in trouble at infant school for singing a dirty version of Popeye the Sailor Man, which wasn't even that dirty, and I got busted for that.

So I can't believe you got away with that. What was the dirty bits of Popeye the Sailor Man? On Popeye the Sailor Man, I live in a pot of jam. The jam, it gets sticky. It sticks to my dickie on Popeye the Sailor Man? I'm Popeye the Sailor Man. I live in a pot of jam. The jam, it gets sticky. It sticks to my dickie. I'm Popeye the Sailor Man. I've got trouble for that. So, are you getting away with that? That's unbelievable. Putting a Mars bar up there.

Unbelievable. Would you ever have, steady, would you ever have asked a girl to dance at a school disco, Donny? No, but I was, because before I was very, I was a very popular little boy when i was in up until about 13 i was very good looking for a little boy that baffles me i went wrong and i was mad in it but i remember going to a disco at carton camp and a very tall girl from another school uh breton she asked me to dance and i kind of went out for out with her for a couple of days

uh and she was very tall but she did because i look like macaulay culkin i can see that actually to be fair yeah and also you used to hang around riding elephants and with chimps so it's pretty glamorous it's a pretty glamorous lifestyle for hartlepool if you don't mind i look i basically look like not like macaulay culkin in Home Alone, but Macaulay Culkin when he was in My Girl, which is obviously beloved of a lot of... Same allergies as well. Exactly. Got killed by... I mean, it seems...

My Girl was on last week, actually, on the telly. I watched a bit of it, and I didn't get the bit with the bees, but I mean, it seems a strong way to end a film that's actually just, you know, for kids. A brutal, yeah. A boy dies of bees. Yeah.

Horrible. Dies of bees, like a precursor to the remake of The Wicker Man. Exactly, yeah. So I can remember at school, right, there was this thing in our local area, and it was actually held in Portsmouth Guildhall, which is obviously, well, yeah, speaks for itself. I wasn't actually schooling in Portsmouth. I was schooling in Gosport, which is the poorer bit across the water and um and but the whole all the

schools in the area participated in this thing called global rock challenge right i don't know why it was called that but anyway yeah but yeah imagine that but like nowhere near is impressive and obviously no no money being raised for charity anyway, so what it meant was every school that signed up to it had to submit a dance to a soundtrack, and then you'd perform it at the Portsmouth Guildhall, and then they would announce winners of the best dance thing. Now, I got roped into this with a couple of my friends, I think from the football team, because these girls in our year were kind of planning it, right?

You know, girls take that kind of thing very seriously, don't they? Girls of that age can be very officious, can't they? Yeah. And anyway, so we agreed to do it. And then there was rehearsals during the day where all the other schools were sat in the crowd, right? And they were watching your rehearsed routine before it was judged later that night.

I don't really know why any of this happened, but I promise you it did. There's no reason for it, no point to any of it. Anyway, there's this one kid in my school, who I'm not going to name, who was the most handsome kid in our whole school. I remember being in the wings when he came on his little solo bit and every single girl in the guild hall which is probably i don't know like

maybe a thousand people like screaming like he was some kind of pop star and thinking you know you see those memes where it's like the birth of a super villain like me and my friends were all so jealous that happened and um of that of him getting that kind of attention because we never really got any of that when we were kids um and you know what the moral of the story is that you'd expect in a story like that that when we reached adulthood yeah the whole thing evened out and we all got our fair share of girls that didn't happen either so he continued to do very well i think he's doing all right yeah i don't know i haven't really seen him for a while but i think he's doing all right, yeah. I don't know, I haven't really seen him for a while, but I think he's doing okay.

But what I'm saying is there was no payoff for me. Let's find him on the census. Let's find him. Let's find his house and push. Let's just burn down his house. Let's burn down his house. I was going to say dog poo. Just dog poo, that's enough.

He's not done anything wrong. Okay, fair do. Sorry, dog poo through his letterbox. That's fine. Yeah. Speaking of dog poo, I've got an email here. We should squeeze an email in, Pete, at least one of them. Definitely, mate.

There was one here about – oh, yeah, this is it. It's not speaking of dog poo at all. There was an email pertaining to dog poo, but I didn't make the cut because it was about dog poo. Learn that, Luke. Right, Andrew from Massachusetts. He follows up on the idea of parachuting from a passenger plane, Donny. So don't glaze over.

I'm still banging this drum, right? He says, hi, guys, I'm going to float an idea that must have been thought of before, right? Could you get a convertible airplane where in an emergency you just pop the top off? Pop the lid, yeah. Yeah, and then you all just jump out of your seat. Yeah, I mean, look, if I'm a pilot,

I want a plane that's integrity is very... I just want lots of points of failure in my plane. I want every rivet, every bolt to, at any point where I press a button, them to become completely useless and the metal just shearing off in the air. That's what planes need.

More points of failure. I completely agree, guys. How many points of failure do you think there are on each important thing on a passenger plane? Two. Just the wings. If you look at any plane that has ever crashed, you sort of go yeah wings fault innit I watched

there's quite a good documentary series at the moment about Heathrow Airport have you seen it no I haven't how far through Netflix have you watched to catch that I think it's on ITV which shames me I don't know at one point they were

assembling all the emergency services because this plane had taken off. This was probably a couple of years ago. This plane had taken off and one of the engines had failed, so it had to dump some fuel in the ocean and come back around and land. And they were worried it was going to be too heavy to land. And I had a hangover, so it upset me. So I turned over before I worked out what happened.

But, I mean, there was no crash, obviously, because we would have heard about it, wouldn't we? Yeah, yeah, that would have been a big story. So hang on. So this story is just, you watched a documentary, there was a plane flying around, it dumped some fuel, and then it landed. It had to do with an emergency landing

because one of its engines had failed. Oh, right, okay. I mean, they probably said engine to make people feel better. It's actually the wing. There's something out engine to make people feel better it's actually the wing the wing there's something out of the wing no it's actually

that bloke who did a turd that was so disgusting do you remember that actually happened that seems that seems unbelievably quaint now

yeah yeah I think we were talking about crisis last week on the show and sort of said that it was one of the more deadlier years

on the planes because that yeah you said that last week was one of the more deadlier years uh on the planes because yeah you said that last week i was surprised to hear that and then yesterday there was another one in indonesia they went down it's like they start we just didn't start the year with some terrible terrible aviation disasters a horrible horrible situation for everyone involved there yeah not not ideal absolutely not i want to i want to finish up by um doing some battery brands if that's alright with you oh yeah yeah yeah I've seen a few come in

I actually replied to one and I forgot to be quite so genial as I usually am on emails lots of kisses and thank you very much for your emails

and I feel like I sort of came off a bit brusque well that's okay I think no one who knows you do you remember that time that you got pelted

on Twitter for being arrogant while walking around Crouch End? Yeah, I was walking around Highgate and get it right, dickhead. Sorry. I remember thinking to myself. Yeah, you said I was walking around arrogantly. I was walking around full of myself. I was like, I was just walking home, mate.

Like, don't worry about it. I've got a quite expressive gait, but I mean, it's hard to sort of, I mean, the fact that you notice me obviously feeds my ego. So have a bit of that, mate. Listen, that geezer who did that, let's get together because I can talk to you about Pete's faults all day long. Oh, yeah, exactly. But arrogance is not one of them.

Come to me if you want arrogance. Anyway, this battery brand fascinated me. Dan Kahn, he found a branded battery with a princess on it, and the brand of the battery is called Sisters Are Ever After Friends. Yeah, I mean, that sounds like broken English, but I am enjoying it. It's amazing. Sisters Are Ever After Friends. Yeah, Joe McCready's got a GP Alkaline.

That's not a new player. George Monk's got an extra Super Dura Day. That's not a new player. And Chk's got an extra Super Dura Day. That's not a new player. And Chumper. Oh, that's Pilot Neil. Pilot Neil is a regular listener to this show. He's got involved with a Nan Feng. That is a common old garden battery, mate.

The only new player out of these four. That's a Nan Feng. Yeah. Yeah. The only new player out of these four is the Sisters Are Ever After Friends battery, which to me is a sentence I never thought I'd say. I think AA batteries certainly

sit together in the little cell. I mean, they are sisters, aren't they? They sit together all the time. It's quite adorable, really. Like you and me. Exactly. We're like two little batteries powering a disgusting sex head. By the way, I can hear one of your dogs in the background one of the dogs you've got access to one of them starts and then the other

one joins in even though he's like 10 years older than the other one uh and they just all they just enjoy having they power every now and again yeah they're yeah they're pretty good one one's about seven years older than the other one, so they don't really... So he's not quite into the same things that... Well, hang on a minute. There's not a schism in age when it comes to dogs. Well, you're really not into the same things. It's a dog.

Yeah, but when you get older, you don't want to run around, you don't want to fight, you don't want to chase things. One of them's spent all his time on TikTok and the other one's reading the Daily Express. I'm not having that. That's exactly right. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. The other one's reading the Daily Express. I'm not having that. That's exactly right. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

The other one's like reading, you know, listening to Radio 4 and the other one's dancing around flossing and playing Fortnite. People don't still play Fortnite, do they? Oh yes, very much so. Do they? Fair enough. Endless. The mind boggles. Anyway, let's get out of here. We'll be back on

Thursday with another episode of this absolute shit. Thanks very much for tuning in. It's hello at lukeandpeachow.com if you want to send us an email. In fact, on Thursday, I'm pretty sure I'm going to read another email from a serving police officer. So that's something to look forward to. And if you've got anything you want us to talk about, then by all means, just let us know.

We're at Luke and PeteShow on Twitter as well. Enough love and thanks as ever to our lovely producer, Nat. And we'll see you on Thursday. Yeah, let us know if your country's a dirty boy country. Yeah, rank your own country by how perverted it is out there. If you think you're the dirtiest, let us know. Approve it. Don't prove it. Ta-ta! let us know approve it don't approve it ta ta this was a Stakhanov production

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