The Luke and Pete Show - Dispatches from Orchestra Camp

Episode Date: April 20, 2026

New Lime bikes are being rolled out! Big news for a man (Luke) who’s racked up an incredible number of kilometres on the current ones.There’s also some information coming out of Major League Baseball which brings to mind Pete’s famous “infant chip bowl helmet” idea. For newer listeners, those words will be explained.Finally, Luke reads aloud a letter written by a young Peter to his parents. What happens at orchestra camp stays at orchestra camp.Send us your latest stories, questions and comments here: [e-mail] Luke and Pete Show is the sometimes ridiculous, always funny podcast with Luke Moore and Pete Donaldson: two men who have time on their hands and a good idea of how to waste it. Subscribe to get your comedy podcast fix every Monday and Thursday. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the Luke of Pete show. Luke, I'm going to start this show like this. The Luke and Pete Show, how are you doing? Yeah. Would you like to know the, what three words? We're back on one three words, people. The what three words of the part of the country to the meter where I enjoyed my first game of hero quest on the Amiga, let's say.

When you spunked? Hunter, Tubes, Town. That's your first spunking game. destination. Halfway between Fawn's, Gums, Cove, and Hunter Tubbs Town.

So there's a lot of words in there that kind of refer to it a little bit, I think. How are you doing this? Have you got it online? Have you got the app or something? No, no, if you just go on your computer and go what3 words.com. You can type in your

old address. Okay, I'll do mine. You can just enjoy what the, whatever the, what three words. Oh yeah, so you're going to do what you want three words for your first. Yeah, because it would have been in the house

right? Right, okay, nice. exact time or whatever. So, wow, this is a weird one. Is this where your parents still live? No, no, no, no. Right, okay. I wouldn't do that.

They're disappointing enough of me. It's month gangs, bats. Month gang's bats. Yeah, what do you think about that? Let me have a look. So quite close to that is Spicer's froth glares. that's also your house and Battle Belt Fortunate

Why do they all sound like Euphemisms for wanking Popped copper Popper, proven They all sound dirty, don't they? They all sound dirty, don't they? Oh dear Blast forces fend

Beautiful You know, you know when a week or two ago When we asked you to name 10 American men Yeah, yeah, okay A lot of people A lot of people are very excited about that. What would you mean?

As in like, they enjoyed... Great content. They enjoyed the majesty. Just great content. They enjoyed the magic. Clearly losing his mind. In real time. Gaining his mind.

Gaining his memories and gaining his mind, I think. Gaining his mind eventually. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. So someone said, in 50 years, social historians will endeavor to pinpoint the moment

that the phenomenon of podcasting is a medium piqued. The answer we found, the second pete answers the utter, the utters the words, Stephen Mulhern. Ha ha ha ha. Oh dear. Absolutely outrageous.

Can I review? Can I review your house? I can't, can I? Your old house? Yeah, you can have a look at it. In gospel? No, no, no. I mean, as in like, you know, like a trip advisor

where you can review a house? It's not to say. Oh, you had a driveway? No, it didn't have a driveway then. What? No. What was there then? Just a minimal front garden.

Yeah, the drivers on that street now, they've all been kind of carved out of the old front gardens. And it's a mad system they've got down there now because I've been down there fairly recently. What they've done is they've taken a kind of minimally sized front garden, basically patioed it.

Yeah. And then they've used half the pavement as the driveway. So basically it's really difficult to even walk down the street now. Oh, because people have long cars now, doesn't it? It's like kind of stuck, like the back end of cars are just sort of stuck out, aren't they? Yeah.

So it's... You've got... Yeah. You got, it's really hard to get a drop curve. The people who are on the house before us, this bloke, he was just trying it on all the time. I think I spoke about it before, but he paid the local, somebody from the council,

a grand under the table. Really? To get a drop curb kind of driveway on his, on the front garden. It's not big enough for a mini. Like, it's not big enough for like one of those little care cars. Awesome, do you know how much it is in my council to get a drop curb? Guess how much it is? Have a guess.

I can't believe it I reckon it's like three grand Three grand is right Yeah yeah And you've got to do £475 pounds For an application fee Which is non-refundable

Nothing makes sense In that kind of world Like I got a year's worth Of garden collection 80 quid I'm like that's an absolute dream They come every Wednesday They come more

They come in anyway They're coming anyway But like yeah But they come every Wednesday And I'm like well I've I've, like, can you not just take some of my other stuff? Yeah.

Hide it underneath the garden stuff. Napis. We have created a really interestingly complicated society for ourselves. I felt this. I was doing fighting talk last Saturday with Rick. And I was asked something about subscriptions to streaming services. Right. And so I wrote it out.

Like, what you have to do just to watch a game on TNT? sports on either your laptop or your mobile now, right? And I'll read to you here. So basically, you need a TNT sports subscription, which used to be called BT Sport, but to watch TNT Sports you need to use the TNT Sports app because that replaced BT Sport, even though you still get the bill from BT Sport. And then they announced they've changed that and you need to download the Discovery Plus app, something that you also pay for separately because it's got other content on.

it as well. Yeah. And then... And Amazon are involved, aren't they? No, no, but just as you got used to that, they then announced it's on HBO Max now, which you don't have to pay for

because you get it free with your Sky subscription. So like, that's weird. That's all happened in the last 18 months. Yeah. I just, just absolutely... It just feels like everyone's kind of little fiefdom. They know which direction of travellers is.

It's fire sticks. and own clubs selling their own shit or Premier League selling their own shit and eventually and they're just sort of trying to just complicate and carve everything out and get everyone into their own little world and it's just not working is it

it's just not working people have got too smart to it it's also so expensive it's also really really expensive isn't it? It is yeah, it's a disgrace not as expensive as a drop to curb of course no no that would there you go

the other thing that caught my eye recently was did you see Derek Chazora and Deonté Wilder. Having their old man scrap. Derek Chazora arrived at the press conference

on a tank with Nigel Farage. Yeah, that was a why do people, bearing around the even Nigel, like, if you're kind of watching the news, like you must know that there's a Rupert Lowen town

and he's the cool new Enfanteliebel of the He probably tells you everything you need to know. He's been a laughing stock in Portsmouth for 40 years. Yeah. But like, so like, so you know that Nigel Farge isn't the hot, hot shit kind of little kind of like, you know, because probably because of his, because of Farage's kind of connection to Trump. He's seen as being a bit old and funny, dully now. So like, why would you choose that one over some, you know, some idiot who runs for that other party that people seem to like at this moment in time?

But I think Derek Chazore genuinely is friends with. Nigel Farage. Right, okay. I just think I... And Rupert loads older than Nigel Farage, by the way. Yeah, but like, that's what I mean. But, yeah, it's ridiculous, but people... I mean, the way he talks with that accent,

and I hear people in my life who talk about... Or certainly people online that I'm sort of half familiar with who talk about his stuff like he's, you know, solving every problem they've got. And it's like, I've yet heard him. He's like a mad Tory. forever. Everyone thought he, like you said, like he was a fucking idiot. Forever.

And now he's just, he's just managed to kind of... And being called Rupert and being the chairman of Southampton. Exactly. Jeez. He said some amazing stuff when he was Southampton chairman. I think he was chairman. He was definitely one of the kind of owner types there. Some of the things he'd come out with, I think I'm pretty sure at one point he said that

he was, he was pushed by a, by a journalist when he was, you know, like I say, involved to Southampton. And he, like, blurted out that he said, he said, he said, he said, he was, he was, he he preferred hockey anyway. Just. And he was the one who also got Clive Woodward in. Do you remember that story? No, I don't remember that at all, really.

He was always floating around, wasn't he? Woodward, wasn't he? Yeah, because Clive Woodward was successful being the rugby team, Rupert Luther Lothelit. It was a good idea to get Clive Woodward into some consultancy role for the football team and he got absolutely hammered for that as well. Apparently, apparently he'd never seen a football match

until he took over, Salampton. Didn't he, but didn't he sort of find success somewhere else? Didn't he, didn't Woodward sort of find success with another football team? I forget. Maybe. I can't, mate. It doesn't matter. I'm not very conversant on rugby.

It's one of the few things I can't really talk about. No. Talk about anything else, Peter. He just name it. I'll talk about it. It doesn't matter to me. All right, that weird football that the Italian ruffians, the steroid ruffians do.

Oh, Calci Osterico? Yeah. The punchy, punchy, punchy rugby kicky ball. Couchoastorico is cool, isn't it? Sexy, isn't it? Yeah, Bruno's nodding. Bruno's nodding a lot. By the way, speaking of that,

have you seen the Italian sandwich shop, the Florentine sandwich shop on the street of our office? Yes, I have, yeah. Have you seen how busy it is? My God, I walked past it earlier. There's about 50 people queuing outside it. But it's probably one of the last kind of

those kind of sandwich shops left, isn't it? You're thinking of H.T. Harris. I'm not talking about that. There's one further down towards Oxford Street called Dow Furentino. Right, okay. What are they selling? Now they sell them some delicious deal.

But this very specific type of faccatia sandwich. Right, okay. And everyone's all over it. Do you know what I had for breakfast? I would love to know. Poutine. I had Poutine for breakfast. Oh my God.

How's that even possible? I've lost weight. You live in Essex? And I'm eating protein for breakfast. Where'd that come from? On the way on from where I was a little while ago, I sort of, I had it for breakfast at some point in the, in the deepened

pasta. But it surprised me how filling it was and how I didn't need to eat for the rest of the day. Oh, it's delicious. It's absolutely delicious.

It's absolutely delicious. But it is just balls of, like squares of cheese and chips and gravy and maybe some onion, some pre-dried onion.

Mark has rather reminiscing about this the other day, talking about how we had Putin before we did our live show in Toronto that time. Very nice.

Lovely. Also, I'll ask you what I asked him. Do you remember when we're Chicago and all the Chicago listeners taking us to that bar and making us drink Malort? Yes, yeah, the old lady

kind of herbal drink, isn't it? Yeah, that is one of the most challenging alcoholic drinks I've ever drunk in my life. It's like, it's just Yeager Meister, isn't it? No, it's not. I looked it up, it's much worse than that. It used to be in like an old lady's kind of like

health elixir kind of drink, didn't it? It was quite boozy. And then I think it A young person just inherited a marketing account that nobody else wanted, I think. And he just went, I'm going to admit, he's really popular. And he just basically sold it to hipsters. And then now it's the hipster drink of Chicago. Right. That's interesting.

But Yeager moisture. Delicious in a way. Yeager moister comes from, um, there's like herbs and botanicals, right. Whereas my lord comes from wormwood, apparently. Right. Okay. What's wormwood? Is it wormwood?

No idea. No. Wormwood. But it tastes like... It tastes like... It tastes like... It tastes like... It tastes like...

It tastes like... No, it tastes like the chemicals you put on wormwood to kill the worms, one would suggest. Yeah. But I would say Chicago was even colder than Toronto, right? Was Toronto really cold? I can't remember it. It was fucking freezing there.

We didn't get much time in Toronto. I had a little bit of time for some putteen at the airport and I was out of there pretty much. Where'd you go? To Chicago. We only had a little bit of time in Canada. I must be thinking of Chicago. I must be.

and then we flew to Chicago we had a bit more time in Chicago I remember I had a Mexican in Chicago when in Rome I think I think it's generally accepted that the Mexican food gets worse the further away from the border you get Chicago must be really bad

I guess so yeah and they did that mad pizza as far mad pizza as well don't they which ones are the mad pizza It's like a really deep dish yeah yeah yeah taste like a pie basically it's pizza bye

yeah that's all right isn't it because I remember getting telling Sam And the wrong room number of our hotel when he was bringing me a pizza on purpose and he knocked on the door of a different hotel room. That's bad stuff. You're seeing yourself off there.

Why? Sam's a lovely lad. It was a funny joke. He's a titan of industry. And you are doing a trick on him. But you're losing out, you're missing out on the pizza. I basically went out and got him afterwards and said, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Like Nelson from The Simpsons. Ha, ha, ha. Which is probably not too similar to my personal. The problem is with your pranking I don't do pranks a lot do I You do no that's that's the problem You've got it in you and you do it You need to do more pranking

To remind people that you're a pranker What yeah it rhymes with pranker Yeah What pranking would you? You're always doing that What prank have I done to you over the years You've done You're not done many pranks

Because you think I'll cry But you've done You did a prank on some people In the office quite recently and I remember thinking that's a proper prank that that's naughty. Oh, I don't remember. I told Tom that, um...

Look at his little face. It pleased his punch. I told Tom that someone was really pissed off with him, didn't I? That's right, yeah. And he had to go out of the other... And when he went in there and started talking, the guy was like, what are you talking about? The guy, Marcus, Marcus.

It was not angry. Was it Marcus? That was good. That was great fun. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's lovely fun.

I don't mind being pranked. I'm happy to be pranked. I'm happy to be pranks. All right. Open season on pranks. If you see Luke in the street, give him a good old prank in. Punch me.

Punch me. Punch me. Punch me with the pranks. Oh, by the way, speaking of been out in the street, have you seen there's new line bike's been launched. What? There's a new version of a line bike that's been launched.

Charlie was telling you about that. How hard are they being launched? Yeah. How quick are they? Wow. Yeah. But yeah, there's a new line bike design, Peter, it's been rolled out.

What? New lime bike. I've got two keyboards connected to my computer. It's very exciting. I feel like Jean- Michelle Jean. Totally. I'm there.

Um, it's, it's, uh, it's supposed to be like a lot more kind of lightweight and, um, easier to ride.

Yeah. It's, they've gone for like a Brompton kind of style of, of bike, haven't they? It looks at the smaller wheels, yeah. I'm interested to try it.

Cross bar, lower crossbar as well for, yeah. Yeah. I think I'll, um, I will get a lineback home later and I'm hopefully get one of the new ones. Where have they hidden the battery?

They've hidden. Is it because people, oh no, I can see the battery in the back. It takes a certain battery guys. It's backwards compatible. Wonderful. Big fan of that.

Apparently it's much easier to park as well. Right, okay. You still a line bike lad? Yeah, I'm a line bike lad. My last line bike was cycling from... From work to Fenchester Street, the whole thing, the whole distance. Went the whole hog. How long would it take you?

We're about like 20 minutes. Scooting around. Because have I told you about my total distance on line bikes now? What? Does it give you a... Does give you a score? Yeah, guess how many kilometres I've done? Let's have a look.

Let's have a look here. I reckon you have done, all right, you've done about 600 miles. All right, it's in kilometres. So what would that be, 1,000 kilometres? Yeah, pretty much. It would be, yeah. Is that your guess?

Yes. Try 5,072 kilometres. Fucking, that's a lot, in it? Yeah, oh yeah. I don't must around me. Oh, yeah. You don't mess around. Do you want to know how many mine is?

Go on. 143.3 kilometres. That's not a passion for the line. I don't think you can call you some of a line bike lad if that's what you're doing. That's 166 rides. That's between 160. It's less than a kilometre per ride. You're using it for what it's probably meant for,

whereas I'm using it far longer jades. I mean, the longest journey I've done. You're a truck driver, basically. I feel like I am. I did, I lined bike all the way home from Wembley Stadium once. Right. After the Oasis show. It took me about an hour and 15 minutes.

You shouldn't be right. You will have had beers. I had about five points. I just always think there's too many high-sided vehicles in London to fall under and pop your head under the wheel, it was about, by the time I got out of Wembley, it was after the Oasis show, actually.

By the time I got out of Wembley, it's about midnight. There's a lot of parks, a lot of cycle track. It was fine. It's actually fine. It's fine, broadly fine, absolutely fine. Yeah. Did you put one of those, you know, sometimes you'll see

when you've got like in countries that have quite strict helmeting laws they'll put like a big watermelon on their heads to sort of go, I've got an helmet on you can't say I haven't got a helmet

but it's actually just watermelon I reckon they'd be quite protective I always remember in Naples when we're there I think the law says they have to wear a helmet but it doesn't say where so a lot of the lads are on their moped with just the helmets on their arms Jesus Christ

that seems like a loophole that people will sort of it's like a necessary just put it on your head. Yeah, just put it on your head. You're only carrying it. It's a pain in the ass. It's like Cambridge United

and their little weird knee balls they do. What's that? Cambridge United are famous in the football league for doing backpasses to their goalkeepers by sort of half-neying the ball to them. So they knee the ball back to the Cambridge United goalkeeper.

And they're famous for it and criticized for it. It looks really stupid, but they're the only team that seem to have employed this ridiculous tactic. I don't even know about it. I don't think it's legal

in the Premier League so they can't be promoted. I've not sure that's true. I don't know if any of that's true. Some of it will be true. By the time the show comes out, some of the loopholes will be closed. Who knows? Who knows? Do you remember back in the day, Peter,

one of the things that I would say, Lord's you... God, no. God, never. Never. Never ask me that question again. You do remember this. This is what launched you into the minds of many football fans. Right. When you said that, well, you just casually announced

that a while back you had applied for a patent for an infant chip bowl helmet. Yeah, okay. A little bit of ramble law. Yeah, do you want to give people just a quick appraisy of what it was? I thought as as a

non-father, I thought that when people had children had babies, you would always have the baby on, like, your while you're watching television, which isn't an untrue statement. I think a lot of, like, very young babies. Yeah, sleep a lot,

night feeds and stuff like that. They sleep a lot, and, you know, you do night feeds while you're watching a bit of telly. And I just thought of the design of, like, a helmet that you could put on, speaking of helmet, you could put on the baby's head and put, like, chips and dip in the helmet. So it could be like, you could be feeding the child, but also feeding yourself in the twilight hours.

So you're feeding the child, but you're not feeding the child the chips, it's crucial. No, no, it's just a ball for potato chips and dip. I realize it's not particularly anglicised, it's a ball on a child's head that you can put food in. Hence the infant chip ball helmet.

The infant chip ball helmet. And you applied for a patent for that? Applied for a paper. And what's the result? They wanted more information. I can't be asked for that. If a crude drawing of an infant's head and a ball on the end,

head isn't enough. I'm sorry. I reckon you could have got the patent. Maybe, potentially. But then people kept sending me pictures in the middle aisle of Aldi. There was this kind of like American football kind of helmet with a ball built into it.

So it was a ball on it. But it didn't really work as a helmet. I don't think anyway. Well, the reason I bring this up is because our friend Jeff, Jeff Webb, has emailed in saying that Texas Rangers in the Major League Baseball they now sell a nacho

sombrero where you is essentially a 26 inch wide sombrero which is a wearable dish composed of a big fried flour flour tortilla and the brim is layered with refried brein, chiller cheese, alipinos, guacamole, sour cream

picotagio, black olives and shredded lettuce, then the crown of it is topped with tortilla chips for dipping. So it's actually kind of still being rolled out and I feel like you might have missed an opportunity there. But isn't wasn't that a thing that would be sold, the

kind of tortilla sombrero was something that was sold at baseball matches back in the day because I remember Homer Simpson had, he would sing nato, natural man and he had a natural... So I think that was a thing that was always existing. I would say that like you know, you go to American sporting events

and I'll probably experience this at WrestleMania but like happening as pretty much as we as we speak tomorrow as this show comes or I think probably, probably not, probably yesterday, I don't know. But it doesn't matter. But doesn't does it? And congratulations to the winner.

John Sina, the retired John Sina. No, I think American stadiums have got it right. People selling peanuts and candy floss and beers in the stands should be something that we adopt. Because the put-upon staff at the concession stands in modern British stadiums, it's not good enough. They're too put upon. The cues are too long. We need people selling beer.

and beer should be able to be drunk. I know. It's a disgrace. It's an absolute disgrace, by the way. It's an antiquity. It encourages people to over compensate by drinking too much before they, you know, at half-time and also before the match. And people just turn up absolutely pissed. And you're not going to stop people fucking doing the old packet, are yeah?

So that's the real problem, drug, one would suggest. Have you seen that guy who goes around the world review and pack it? He's great. He's great. He's like, in Scottish bloat, yeah, Scottish, I mean, for those people who indulge in that kind of thing, you know, I'm not here to judge. Ideal, absolutely ideal. It's a genuinely helpful service.

Start an app, sir. He's like the proper influencer that will never be able to be monetised on any platform. I know. It just goes like going to a favela in Brazil, that's where you're going to get the best park in. One pound 50. One pound 50. For a fucking, she's going to blow your fuck.

fucking socks off. But going back to the Texas Rangers Nacho sombrero, the thing that I found interesting about it when I kind of, you know, investigated the product in more detail was that it's absolutely ideal to buy that and then you put it

on the head of the person sitting in front of you. Because it's much more convenient. So I don't know what you do, you maybe sweeten the deal by buying him a beer or whatever and saying, look, you need to put his hat on so I can eat because otherwise I'm not going to really see what I'm doing.

No, and I think it, but I guess you'd have to ask those people to sort of get it. It would have to be like a Ponzi scheme. You did, you ate from the helmet in front of you. Yeah. And then the other person, and the only person who misses out is the guy, the king is the guy at the back. He got in from the ground up. The guy at the bomb, he's not got a hat to, he's going to have a common or garden bag of potato chips. It's only, if you were to seize the means of production, so to speak,

it's almost the most Marxist sports snack you could think of. Yeah, if everyone gets one. Everyone feeds from the person in front of them. You know, we're all sated. Everyone gets what they want. And then that you said, the guy at the back, I guess he's the king among equals because he hasn't even got to wear one. Yeah, exactly.

In an ideal world, they would form a chain around the world. Yeah. Of nachos. Everyone's just eating shit, apart from the people. People who are like wheat intolerant stuff. I imagine that. Yeah. Well,

they always get in the way, don't they? No problem. I mean, they can't move. They should have their own island. You can't move them. They should have it on Ireland where they eat the wheat,

wheat intolerant stuff. By the way, speaking of islands, that's obviously reminded me of Epstein Island. I don't know this is true, but you see the Kanye West being banned from the UK thing? Yes. Did you see that he tweeted,

oh yeah, ban the only billionaire that wasn't in the Epstein far from the UK? Did he actually tweet? that because you can't tell with Kenya if it's real or not but I think he might have tweeted that in response yeah I feel like that was yeah I feel like that I mean

he played Madison fucking Square Gardens they they always have wrong ones there don't they Who you think of Maniskin Square Gardens Yeah Who you thinking? I'm trying to think Didn't Louis CK come back

to Madison Square Gardens to do a gig? He said he didn't before Why are you saying Madison Square Gardens? Was it Madison Square Garden? Yeah yeah Right, fine I'm sure there's more gardens there There's probably another Madison Square Gardens.

That means gardens, isn't it? It's garden. If you have, like, if you have a garden is what I've got, admittedly, is absolutely paved to win the interior of its life and a couple of planters. I've got a garden, but like when you've got that amount of size, a garden can only be a certain amount of size. So it should be Madison Square Gardens, I think, actually. Sorry, mate, you're right all along.

What? Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry, I'm wrong. What? Oh, by the way, producer Bruno's asking me to get a review from you of... Hang on, hang on, hang on. What the fuck is that?

What? It's the, uh, Lukie has admitted on a podcast that he got something wrong instead of waiting until, like, I was being sarcastic, I was right, you're wrong. Peter. I can't take that back now. We need to do earnest or irritating on the packet review man.

Oh, Ernest. You like him? One job, yeah. Can I introduce another man to the mix? But you're just straight away, straight down the middle, earnest, great service, good content. Great service, good content. He doesn't overstays welcome. He's got things to do.

God knows he's energetic. He can't sit still for crying out loud. Who's the fella who? I like how seriously the packet man takes it. He's really into it. Yes. Yeah, yeah, he's really good stuff. He is really, really good stuff.

I can't remember there. There's a block basically who's got a matted beard who drinks his own piss. And he talks about his bomb. Is he in the room with you now? Paul. Here he is. And yes, here he is.

He's a fella who, he's like a Canadian man. And when he talks about, he says, beautiful, like that. It's I think It's Will Blunderfield, I think his name is And he is He is a disgusting creature Yeah

He's a Canadian singer-songwriter And yoga teacher And he's He's sound of Sony music What's his name? Mark William Kent Blunderfield He's a yoga teacher He drinks his on piss

He talks about his anus He's always talking about getting his in on This guy's terrible. I've seen him. He's been in my timeline. He is terrible. He talks about just sucking men off to get their essence and their power and stuff like that. And he's just kind of like he's a yoga guy.

And he's foul. And he drinks his own piss on Instagram and stuff. And he's gone mad. But the thing that I find offensive about him is that he clearly doesn't wash his fucking beard. I don't care about whether you fucking, you know, drink your own piss on camera. what I care about is that your beard looks like a fucking otter's hair and otter's fur it is disgusting and not his pocket

it's disgusting and so I don't have a problem with you doing all of the other dirty stuff you do or talking about this and that but I do find your beard rather unkempt and very greasy looking so I wish he would just clean his fucking beard apparently part of this movement called the Manhood Academy where

yes people men they quote, this is a direct quote, they platonically come together. Now, I know a couple of guys

at my uni who used to do that in their shared dorm room. And I feel like this is, I think Andrew Tate is about three months away from this. From this, yeah, real circle jerkery.

Oh yeah, because everything else is gay, right? Women, women are the gay thing. It's completely... Well, speaking of like, of a lot of men, just jerking in a circle.

I think I sent you a screenshot of a letter that I wrote. My parents at Carlin Camp. Let me read it. Can I read it? You can read it if you want, yeah. You brought it out, so I mean. I went, yeah, that's fine. I went to Orchestra Camp,

Carton Camp when I was about, probably about 13 maybe. I don't know, 12, 13. And we were, I'd sort of got in with a bad gang. Oh, good gang. where some lads were can't say the guy's second name by the way

on the letter some lads some some lads were really into like well you don't use his second name you just use his initial all right okay he will they were

they were into role playing and stuff not in a sexual way and they're kind of like you know the video game it's like tabletop gaming warhammer or stuff and I got into that gang and I did a bit of role playing and stuff

but they did punctuate the first session the second session with them just fucking in a circle just jerking themselves to a de numo, a finish how old were at this point? Well they were a couple of years older than me maybe just a year older than me

but they'd clearly started and of course that's all you're doing at that point but I it was like three or four lads I think and I was the only one who was like boys please don't it's been taking a real turn it's not it's fine but it's just what blood's do in it but I just hadn't started yet, so I couldn't get involved.

And probably wouldn't have. This is before Hero Quest incident. This is pre-hero quest. And it's rare that a horrific memory is, I find in my collection of my... What do you call it when you find someone's letters? The correspondence. That might be too grand a turn. Lord Byron's correspondent.

You find them... Anyway, so you're waiting at this camp and you wrote a letter to your mum and dad. And I'm sure Bruno could put some kind of music on the list. the day, on the day that I saw four men wanking for the last time. Not men. Not men. That's going to be too much. Men and boy, okay. I would also like to add that... That said, though, it was the sort of camp that was frequented by the Cubs Couts,

so we can't rule it out. So you sent me this letter at quarter past 11 last Thursday night. I was having a deep... I took apart a cupboard that had a lot of shit in it, and I was surprised at the depths of what was in there. I was about to drop off to sleep when I got this message and this photo message of your letter with accompanying message. Interesting thing about this exact night of role-playing orchestra camp was that Kay and his friends started wanking and I was horrified. It's like reading Neville Chamberlain's letter from Hitler. Dear mum and dad.

It was, yeah. Have had an excellent day. Change your tune. Went walking, washed my hiking. washed my hiking boots. Yeah. They'll be in them as well. And tonight we are having a role-playing game.

By the way, this is from... The name at the top is Peter Donaldson, Peter Donaldson, Place Unknown. Oh, mysterious. Mysterious. The role-playing game is called Warhammer Fantasy Battle. Lights out timers at 10pm. We have to get up at 8, bracket, spoil sports.

I hope H, your sister, has lost her chicken pox. I'm writing this letter at 4.55. I can say my sister's name. I hope Helen has lost her chicken pox. I'm writing this letter at 4.55pm. Kevin is talking a lot about... Kevin is talking about a load of gobbledy you. You're sincerely PD.

Good to the PD branding in there. Yeah, exactly. Live the brand. Were you doing the brand at that point? I think I probably was doing the brand there at that point. It really, really reminded me of Garth Marengi. Well, that Kevin was the ring leader. Terrible turn of phrase.

ringleader of the whole of the whole endeavour. Did you join back with the friends afterwards and witness yet more group masturbation on? No, they didn't do it again. Maybe they just felt free and you know. That's the ice broken. Not sure about that dance in the character. Seems a bit of a stick in the mud. That's what they're thinking. A little

bit thirtive. Yeah. Yeah. So, good stuff. Anyway, right, right. That was the letter from parts unknown. We'll be back on Thursday. It feels like a Thursday. Yeah, probably. Will, if you've ever experienced group masturbation, do email. Hello, www.com. If you've caused, through general sexiness,

I'm in the room with Bruno here and you're not. And the amount of times... I can't see it. We need producer cam. We need... Bruno, Bruno, Bruno, none of that's coming out, me. You can write down all the fucking time codes. But none of that is coming out.

Reference it now again, so he has to edit it again. What do we talk about? Group Wanking. Stanley Gibbons. Why is Stanley Gibbons the stamp collector gone in my head? We didn't even talk about him. No, we didn't. We didn't.

This isn't even an edit. This isn't like we accused Stanley Gibbons of some impropriety. You just talk yourself to fucking death roll. Okay, I'll see you later. Fire on the booth. The Luke and Pete show is a Stack production and part of the A-cast-creator network. Thank you.