The Luke and Pete Show - Doggerland and Diggerland
Episode Date: July 16, 2026Prompted by the subject of air fryers, Luke reflects on the tension between his working-class and middle-class self and encourages Pete to do the same. Naturally, this leads to some chat about prom ca...rs (and prom tractors).Plus, we return to the subject of Britain past and present to discuss Doggerland, Michael Hesseltine and the Spice Girls. Finally, never underestimate the horribleness of water companies.Send us your latest stories, questions and comments here: hello@lukeandpeteshow.com.The Luke and Pete Show is the sometimes ridiculous, always funny podcast with Luke Moore and Pete Donaldson: two men who have time on their hands and a good idea of how to waste it. Subscribe to get your comedy podcast fix every Monday and Thursday. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
It's the Luca Meechior.
It's 13th of July.
Pete Donaldson with you.
John,
I'm Mr.
Mookie Moore.
How the W.
You're doing.
Luki Moore.
I'm pretty good.
I'm not too bad,
thank you.
After the last show's
Bayou Tapestry Gate.
A lot of interesting chat around that, actually.
I think,
I think,
you know,
it was a lovely picky tea of a,
of a show.
Yeah, it always is this show,
isn't it?
A little picky tea.
It's become,
but that...
Yuzoo heavy.
That picky tea thing.
Picky bits.
I did picky bits,
yes, sir.
Yeah, but people that brands
get involved.
are they?
It's a bit fucking,
it's a bit fucking grim now.
Yeah.
It's a bit cheesy.
It's a bit fucking ITV2 now, isn't it?
I had a picnic.
Do you know what it's a bit like,
it's a bit like the conservative saying,
we're cutting the tax on beer and bingo,
helping hardworking people do more of what they enjoy.
It's a bit of that.
It reminds me a bit of that.
Posh,
like posh,
really middle class,
like TV executives going,
oh,
the poor people like picky teas.
Yeah.
Let's do some ITV2 stuff around it.
Let's do a wait-tros advert about it.
Give them ham.
Give them beige air friar.
Let them eat sausage rolls.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway, carry on.
You should get yourself an air fryer if only...
Not interesting.
To...
If only...
To connect with your working class fruits.
Thank you.
Is it a working class thing in air fry?
Is it?
Most kind of...
Most kind of processed foods
have an air friar option on the back nowadays.
I occupy a strange hinterland where if I get
two middle class...
Like I go to the aforementioned Taiwanese bakery
We
We get in the nice car and we do stuff
And surely the Taiwanese bakery is run by
You know second generation
Taiwanese immigrants
So presumably they're not bansed
No but the point I'm not making
This is not the point I'm making it
How good is the Cossom?
The point I'm making is I go through phases
I mean I live in a weird hinterland
Because I go, I deserve nice things
And so I go and get nice things
Right.
And then I think, oh no, I can't portray my
my work-class roots.
I should be eating Walker's Crisp or whatever,
which is what I used to do all the time.
You smashed up your golf clubs at times.
Yeah, do that.
But when I do too much of the working-class stuff,
I then go, oh, I'm better than this.
Right.
I'm better than this.
Right.
And then I go back to the middle class.
I kind of oscillate between them.
Right.
And it can't be offensive to say that
because I've occupied both realms.
And I have experience in both realms.
I'm trying to think that, like, I'm...
You're the same.
You live an entirely middle-class life,
but you've got a working-class life,
mindset. Working class, I can't, I can't look after my money.
Exactly. That's a really, that's a really big part of it. I eat badly.
You know, fished chips every Friday. I have, but then I have a Japanese Rolls Royce.
Yeah. I drove a, I drove the neighbourhood child to his prom. The neighbourhood
child. The neighbourhood child. Yeah. You make him sound like he belongs in some kind of
medieval village.
That dude lives a couple hours down. We always talk about wrestling. He loves his wrestling.
How old is he?
presumably 16.
16. And he
last year asked whether I could
drive him to his prom in the
That's so nice. In the Toyota Century.
And his
dad was supposed to be there, but
fucking all the CTC trains fucked up.
So I solo had to drive.
Is that couldn't make it?
It felt like I was the new dad.
The lad's new dad.
Did you put a little ribbon around the car or anything?
No, I didn't. I played
Orba Febby's WWE theme for him.
Is that what he wanted?
Is that what he wanted?
You rocked up at the venue?
I rocked at the venue.
Did you dress on a dicky bow?
No, I put a little, I put a suit on, though.
Did you?
That's so nice.
Gave him a dab and then he was off his way.
Off on his way.
Love that.
Did you pick him up?
I didn't pick him up, no.
Well, it was weird because you had to kind of like go down this road and then up another one
because basically there's just so many cars coming up.
And I found it very distasteful.
A lot of, um, everybody just had their father's, like, muck or,
you know,
you know, fancy car.
Like, uh,
what's a fancy car?
Ferrari?
Yeah,
like a Porsche.
You know,
they'd basically acquired
or their dad had a Porsche.
And everyone was sort of coming up
in their fucking cars and stuff.
Um,
one blow up brought a tractor.
And ironically,
I bet that tractor was more expensive
than every other fucking car.
The tractor could not get down the road.
So he couldn't actually deliver his daughter.
It's funny.
Really?
If you watched,
um,
if you watch Clarkson's farm,
you'll learn that
the sheer expense of buying a tractor is remarkable.
You can buy them for half a million quid.
Yeah, they're insane.
But they're so reliable in the main.
And they're also massive.
And also now they're on like,
now they're basically contracted
so that you can't really fix them yourself.
Did he give you a little,
it's that fucking software as a service thing, isn't it?
It's that bullshit.
You have to get a retainer and pay monthly for that shit.
Did you, do you, did your neighbour,
did he give you a little thank you card or anything?
I've not seen him since.
something I'm, I'm, uh, I'm, uh, did you do a good job? Did you do a good job? I think I did a good
job. He wouldn't let me, um, did you get out the car and open the door for it. I did. Yeah, yeah.
That's nice, man. Yeah. That's absolutely nice. I'm just a lot of like, all the like,
all the lads were like, walking in with their broccoli hair doing like, um, doing the whole like
Andrew Tick cufflinks kind of move. And it was just all just a bit like, like,
that's so poor. But it's so poor, but it's just kind of like, oh, what is the, the cuffling's
what a weird place? They don't, they don't have, they got children's shirts.
They don't have cufflinks.
But we should also make it clear that's actually the Daniel Craig of James Bondmoot.
Yeah, it's all, yeah.
The Rock's always fucking doing it as well.
Like, it's just, it's just.
Did anyone do a stone cold and smush a canopy on the head?
Fucking shug it.
The boy would have.
Yeah, it was just all a bit of a, I mean, it's an American affectation.
Did you have a prom when you were a kid?
We did.
Really?
We didn't call it a prom.
And I wasn't there.
You have like a leaving party.
I didn't go because I was on holiday.
Right.
Yeah.
We had a leaving party at Hartley Plus bikini.
fun bar.
And the police were called
because a boy
kicked in the toilet door.
There's a lot to unpack here.
What the fuck is a bikini fun bar?
Well, it was...
What, in 1996?
Or 98, in fucking Hartlepool.
How could there be a bikini fun bar?
It's a bikini fun bar.
It's a bikini fun bar.
You didn't grab me...
Venice Beach.
Fucking Malibu.
I don't like if I saw anyone
in a bikini there.
Bikini fun bar sounds like a titty bar.
No, it was just a...
It was just a...
It was just a...
It was a fan bar, and I think maybe the female staff wore bikinis.
It's just bad vibes all around.
But...
You can't call the police for a door being kicked in the fucking toilet.
And certainly not a sanctioned English martyrs party, I would say.
You would have it in a more reputable place, like King John's Tavern.
Did they mark themselves in the bikini fun bar?
In the 14th century or something?
My mate, John Crangle, being handcuffed and put in the back of the police van with a discor wig on
was really affecting...
You were friends with someone who was that naughty?
He wasn't, he wasn't involved.
I don't know.
I think he did kick the door down, to be fair.
He's lovely John Crangle.
What's he doing now?
I don't know.
Good name.
George Crangle.
John Crangle?
John Crangle?
He's almost certainly a Santa Claus in person.
That's my name.
Lovely, man.
Oh, can I just say very quickly,
thank you to everyone and got in touch to tell me that Harold Hadrader
isn't actually depicted in the Bayou tapestry.
Oh.
Because apparently...
A nightmare.
Because apparently the makers of the tapestry were much more.
more inclined to focus on the Norman conquest itself.
Right.
Rather than...
So it's basically all about William the Conqueror.
Right.
That's what people have told me anyway.
The people with boots on the ground.
They're obsessed for that, yeah.
Yeah.
So...
Interesting.
Yeah.
I think I was getting confused.
Because I think Harold Hadradar
isn't the same as King Harold
who was killed by William the Conqueror.
Right.
I think I'll get them mixed up.
Whose is...
Who's the one with the Collider?
Harold Godwinson was the one who got the arrow in the eye.
Right.
I don't think it's the same person.
It's the thing about the biotapeastrophe,
it is so fucking long, 70 metres.
As we established.
And it is from a time, you know,
1066 is all that.
Yeah.
It's just so, the world was so different
and the UK was so different.
And so I just, it's just part of the...
In 1066?
It wasn't the UK in 1066.
As I said, but the landmass that we now know
as the...
Talk to me about...
Doggerland.
Let's talk about
fucking
Pangir, shall we?
Joe Doggerland.
What's Doggerland?
Dogaland is the...
Is that where
Shoreami Obie and Samayobia
went to play with the doggers?
No.
The diggers,
they went to diggerland.
They went to play on the digger land.
Lovely of a Newcastle-N-N-Sos.
My son.
My son loved Diggerland.
I want to go.
I think...
We didn't go to diggerland,
but we got all the diggers
from Diggerland at the Lambeth Country show.
Oh.
He was fucking all about it.
My daughter loves a bin Lorry.
Yeah, so is my son.
He's obsess of it.
I've spent Saturday mornings following the one around.
Yeah. Nice.
And every single five minutes.
Oh, they're putting the bins in the back, Daddy.
Yeah.
He loves it.
Anyway, Doggerland is the piece of land
that used to exist between Britain
and the Netherlands and France.
Right, okay.
And it sank.
Right.
Could we bring it back?
Could we raise it?
Well, apparently there's a lot of artefacts
on the sea bottom because of it.
Yeah.
Love of it.
So the UK used to be attached to the mainland.
Yeah.
And then Brexit meant we came out of it.
So pre-2016, there was a lot of it.
So pre-2016, there was a lot of it.
a landmass between the UK and France.
They inflated a massive balloon
and it broke apart.
And Nigel Farage, but when
Brexit happened officially, Nigel Farage
just chipped away at the dam
and the water just filled in.
I'm immensely...
I know it's very...
We knew this sort of thing would happen, but I am immensely
proud. As I so
frequently ham... Ham?
Gammon? So frequently
am... I love gammon.
I do too.
Pine a lot. Pine a lot.
Marcus loves gammon.
He talks about it all the time.
It's one of his favorite foods.
It's such a Marcus thing.
Gammons always are possibly related.
It's always on offer at the bottom of the fridge.
Do you go pineapple or fried egg or both?
Pineapple.
Yeah, I would go pineapple.
What's fried egg?
Ham and egg, isn't it?
Yeah, but like, it's, yeah, but I think that's a...
Yeah, I'm not having it.
Anyway, Farage.
Farage, with the Count Binfist thing.
Like, I am immensely proud
this is all going for everybody
yeah it's very British
but I think it's also very British
that happened in the first place though
what do you mean as in like
Farage being as popular as he fucking is
yeah okay
a massive kind of
self-sabotage of a nation
and the people who are responsible for it
people not making the connection as to why
I don't know there are other reasons
but one of the main reasons
undeniable why British people are
fucking poor is because of Brexit
yet they still fucking lionized Nigel Farage
And what I do like about it, though, is that if it comes to pass, as we expect, Farage is now going to have to stand against Count Binface on his own, where if he wins, he's going to be instantly subject to another inquiry investigation, which has been suspended because he's no longer technically an MP now.
And if he loses, he's lost to a bin.
I just feel like out of those two, he's better at, he's, he'll probably, he'll still be on new.
news night every fucking week.
You know what I mean?
Well, people were saying, I think it's only,
I think it's only Michael Heseltan
has been on question time more than him.
Yeah. And he's only recently
become an MP. Yeah, and Michael Heseltine
at his first stint not the 70s.
Yeah. Yeah. Amazing. And Michael Heseltz
are still going, which is amazing. Yeah.
But it's just like, Tarzan.
But you sort of...
That's his nickname, isn't it? Tarzan.
Why was it Tarzan? Because I think there's some kind of big
dispute in the 70s, and he ran down to the
middle of the House of Commons Chamber
and swung the mace over his head.
Over his head, yeah.
Yeah.
Why is that Tarzan, though?
I think he just looked a bit,
he just looked a bit like Tarzan at the time.
He obviously doesn't look like that now.
He looks like the fucking bad guy from Polter guys,
but he didn't always look like that.
He looks like the one from Terrorhawks.
Yeah, he does a bit, actually, yeah.
Baffling, that was a kid show, by the way.
Yeah, but I think it's, like, they sort of focus on.
We got to make it as realistic as possible.
I was like, that's just that really.
But they just didn't give a shit, did they?
No.
About like, about, about, with the, um,
It's a really big aspect of modern parenting, isn't it?
But you get into a situation where you're like,
okay, so my son has a tantrum.
So the best thing for me to do,
which to be fair does actually work is like, you know,
observe that he's upset,
kind of communicate to him that you can see is upset
so he feels validated.
And then let him know that when he's ready to engage again,
he can and that he should use his words when he's able to.
And all this kind of shit.
And I do all that stuff,
and it does tend to work and I feel good about myself doing it.
And I think about what my parents used to do.
I'll give you something to cry about in a minute.
Shut up.
I'm trying to find a scene from a film that myself and my daughter watched quite recently.
And it is absolutely horrific.
I can't believe your daughter can sit for a film.
She loves it.
Well, she can sit through about 45 minutes, 45 minutes, pretty much.
That's about it.
Yeah, there's an amazing sort of 70s beloved kids film.
I can't remember that actually talk about it on this podcast,
where at one point
somebody goes through a tunnel
and experiences like visions basically
that...
What's it called?
Well, I'll tell you
once I find the clip
I tried to find the clip
but I couldn't find it.
Charlie in the Chocolate Factory.
Yeah.
There is...
The original one with Gene Wilder.
Yeah.
The tunnel of terror scene, obviously.
That is not a show...
There's not a film to be showing
a three-year-old picture.
No, but not that bit.
But like the start of it's fine.
Why is that?
That's scary for a three-year-old.
It's really creepy.
It's all old people.
No, it's intended to be creepy.
It's Ronald Dole, isn't it?
Yeah, but like, no, but it's still kids,
it's supposed to be a kid's film.
I started watching it.
I was like, turn this off.
It's terrible.
What?
Terrible as in that is horrible.
It's terrible.
It's terrible, but it looks worse
because we look at Gene Wilder
and we look at, you know,
Augustus Slupe's dad or over the fuck it is,
the cheeky girl one,
his dad.
They're just all old, horrible, old 70s men.
Charlie's grandfather's
Cochain Finger and stuff
It's just all a bit like
Good note for a bad by the way
But back then
It was very charming
The Colcane finger
The Tunnel of Terracine
Which my daughter didn't watch
Thank fucking Christ
There is a bit where a chicken
Is beheaded
An actual chicken
In full view
A chicken is beheaded
And that was on Charlie
In the fucking chocolate factory
My understanding of Roald
generally is that he
yeah he was also a horror writer right
so he was he was sneaking these kind of kids
books through the back door making this film
though didn't he remember this wasn't like he wrote
the story in the book it didn't say and then a chicken's head
comes off well no it's not as literal as that
no you are a nodding terms of metaphor though aren't you
yes I am but but they've made the choice to put
a chicken being dead I agree who directed that first one
I can't remember but the second one was directed by Tim Burton
wasn't it yes and we were
always tell that story because I always said that my friend
played the young Willie Wonka in it
and you were saying that your friend Mark
was an extra in it and Johnny Depp screamed about him
yeah because he was trying to talk
he'd trying to make small talk with him
I can never think Johnny Depp hates
small talk as much as I do
had you done part of the Caribbean then he had done
only because Johnny Depp basically doesn't
have charisma of his own anymore
now he's just Captain Jack Sparrow
and he you never go to follow Jack Sparrow
I think the men who dress up as Captain Jack Sparrow are really cool
Yeah, I think they are too, yeah.
I would say, and what is it's a direct lineage, isn't there?
Because they use those lads, if they were older,
what would they have been dressing up as?
Ooh, that was a question.
If they were older?
They were older.
What was the thing that came in the generation before that people of that type
used to dress up as?
It's Austin Powers, isn't it?
Oh, yes.
Nice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And if your dad of certain edge, you'd go to the club
for, like, you know, an Easter show or something,
and you'd dress as one of the spacecraft.
girls. It was always funny in the
90s to dress, get three of your
mates and dress like the spice girls. Who would you have
been? Oh, scary.
Yeah? Yeah. It's for the
what do you mean?
I'm not saying, I'm not saying, I'm not saying
it's my favourite one. I'm not saying, don't go full Matt Lucas, whatever you do.
Oh, good God, yeah, can you imagine? I saw
someone on Instagram the other day saying that
yeah, it's quite weird because I think it was a comedian.
He's like, yeah, I like Matt Lucas, though. He's a really nice fellow.
that I've worked with him before and stuff.
But I realized he was doing that
Come Fly With Me show on the BBC
in like 2012.
What, he realised that he was doing that?
Yeah, he didn't know.
I guess he took a younger guy.
Oh, right.
Okay, yeah.
I think it's the massive, massive blind spot
in our culture that people don't
people don't kick off about that.
But it's the amount of bullshit
you have to go when pitching
to certain TV,
be a moths,
about, you know,
the racial makeup of your company,
the working class routes of your company,
which is one that made me laugh.
If you sort of apply for,
apply for a, to do a show on a big network,
they frequently sort of say,
well, you know, at least one of you
has to have working class roots,
which is a cop-out,
to increase diversity and stuff.
And then, you know, not that long ago.
Was it 2010?
Come fly with me?
Bruno, what year was come fly
with me. It was much more recent than
is acceptable. Yeah.
And...
Well, it's ever acceptable, but conceptually...
But what I'm saying is they talk
a good game when it suits them and they
put on dross like that when it doesn't.
Yeah, it was 2010, apparently.
Incredible. Very, very strange.
Have we got an email? Should I have a look?
Let's just do some emails for crying out, like.
Yeah, we could do an email or two, couldn't
me? Let's have a look.
Bruton has written, Roll Dahl's a proper bad block,
massive anti-Semi-Semak. We're across that.
We're familiar. We're familiar.
We're familiar. There's a big,
there's a big conversation around
modifying his books.
But it's a tricky
situation, that?
I just stick to the giraffe, the Pelly and me.
That's my...
That's my...
James and the Giant Peach.
We do a lot of Richard Scarry with our son.
And he always used to do...
He was like an American...
Like, all of his stuff
is based around like anthropomorphic animal.
Right.
Like Donaldson? Like Julie Donaldson?
Yeah, yeah.
But it's like...
The fox's socks.
dated back to at the 60s.
Right.
But there doesn't seem to,
but I mean,
I might be wrong,
people can correct me if I am,
but I haven't encountered any problematic stuff.
Yeah.
Stereoical stuff,
you know,
so it seems like it's quite a safe ground.
It's actually,
there's like a nice vintage quality to it.
What I don't like about a lot of modern kids books
is they're all CGI created.
Yeah,
and there's a lot of,
there's no real charm to it?
There's a lot of,
kind of AI as well in kids' books
that looks absolutely fucking atrocious.
You showed me one,
didn't?
You showed me like a kid's book there,
been with AI quite recently.
My son's got a couple of them.
He likes them, so obviously, you know, be led by him.
But I want to make sure that he actually gets the Julia Donaldson type
proper drawn books and stuff.
Axel Schaeffler does all the industry.
Schaeffler.
He's got old Schaffler.
We're into the snowing the well at the moment.
There was one book that was basically a,
not a companion, but it was basically just a...
You know, like when friends would cheap out and do like a clips episode.
Because that, you know, like TV, you know, network TV.
Sims used to do that as well, didn't they?
Yeah, any network TV.
you know, Breaking Bad didn't have a clip episode.
All right, they did the fucking fly episode.
But it's still...
That's a bottle episode.
It's totally different.
It's the same thing, saving money.
They wouldn't do it if they...
They wouldn't do it if they had the choice.
But so the clip episode,
there's a Julie Donaldson book
that was basically just a Clips episode.
Advertising other books.
Fuck you, Donaldson.
Fuck you.
That's what I say every day.
I know.
Fuck you, Donaldson.
Can we just take a moment to imagine
what it would be like
if the highest rated TV series of all time
just in the middle of a series
of the clips episode?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Good.
I don't think
Muslim did.
I was going to say to you,
oh, so I was just going to say to you
before I did this email
that,
where do you stand on
that modification in retrospect?
Yeah, I think I'm fine with it.
It's just a fucking,
it's just a,
if the other one is available,
it's not you removing the other old one,
I know?
Because you know when I did...
If you know,
if you can get the old one out
and be anti-Semitic,
I know.
Don't me, that's the problem.
point, though, is it?
No, but if you're wronging,
like people sort of sort of going,
oh, they're changing this and they're changing,
you can't say Christmas anymore, all that shit.
Yeah.
Like, that kind of generation,
you can just access it if you want to.
You can find it, it's fine.
If you really want the shit one.
So on Gone with the Wind, it's hugely problematic
for lots of reasons,
which I won't bore everyone with.
There's a disclaimer at the start.
So you can watch it on Amazon Prime at the moment,
Prime video, but there's a big disclaimer at the start.
They haven't amended it or edited it or anything like that.
They've said, look, watch this we've called,
This portrays this, this and this.
Don't watch it if you don't want to see it kind of thing.
Yeah.
That to me seems...
Is that reasonable?
I think that's...
I mean, because what could you realistically edit that too?
Do you know what I mean?
Like, what could you realistically kind of...
And also, like, when it gets to the really, really extreme stuff,
like the birth of a nation and stuff like that,
you just can't watch that anymore.
No.
You can't.
I mean, to be fair, I was...
I had the audiobook, Ralph Ellison's The Invisible Man.
on in the car.
It's a hot day.
What kind of childhood
are you subjecting your daughter?
She wasn't in the car.
Oh, okay, fine.
You were just listening to yourself.
And the windows were down.
And, oh, she was a lot of N-Wor.
Is it really?
God's sake.
You could have to turn that off.
I have to turn it off.
I'm just like, oh, come on there.
I remember what you're doing there.
Before my son was born,
I used to take my wife, she doesn't drive.
She's taking to ice skating.
She's a keen ice skating.
And I was just waiting the car for an hour.
Yeah.
Because I was like, you know, nothing else to do.
I might just sit in the car.
And, and, uh, or no, tell you,
tell you what I would do is I pop into the same.
He'd be to get the shit we need to get and then wait in the car.
And I was watching a really amazing documentary.
I was part of the story of your sort of series called, um,
final account.
I told you about before.
It's about this guy who catches up with all these old Nazis.
Yes.
Okay.
Interviews them.
It's fascinating.
It's a fascinating time capsule for history.
Amazing.
Really, really worth watching.
Um,
I remember sitting in quite a big.
busy car park having it on in the car on my iPad and um it's just a lot of Nazi stuff
like people walking past the shopper looking at me like yeah because the same the people who
will use that same footage will be the wrong ones on YouTube yeah yeah yeah yeah so anyway
why didn't you guys skate I can't ice skate I'm terrible look you're not gonna get better
like that are you I'm gonna be stinking up the lesson there's no way they're gonna put me in the
same like a lesson bracket yeah but you could just just have a little jumps and stuff
Get one of those little penguins.
Yeah, exactly.
Jump with the penguin.
Anyway, Alex, Alex, Raynard's been in touch.
Hello to you, Alex.
About Southeast Water.
Oh, good.
One of my...
One of your bug bears.
Yeah, he says, hello, guys.
Luke, sorry, hello, Luke and Pete.
Alex here.
Long time, listener, first time.
Email.
I'm getting in touch.
As Luke's rant about Southeast water,
losing water, reminded me of a story.
A friend told me once when drunk
about doing contract work for Thames Water.
He told me they've never actually moved
into digitising their maps of their water pipes.
And a lot of it lives disorganized in their offices.
And a lot of the, quote, lost water they have comes from, sorry,
a lot of lost water they have, even though they still lose a ton of water.
A disgrace for a amount comes from housing companies, building a block of flats, for example,
hooking up the water, telling Thames water, but Thames Water are so disorganized,
they never add it to the map.
So these people just get free water unless one of themselves reports, which, let's be honest,
was ever going to do that.
So my mate was investigating a water loss with this team,
and they found just a literal block of houses.
So the water's being lost.
Right.
There's no record of it,
but it's just being consumed by people who are living a new build block of.
Oh,
they just hadn't sort of updated them right.
Okay.
So when you hear that,
that number,
a lot of it's just going to people having free waterways.
They just haven't bothered to...
Is that better or worse?
I don't know.
At least someone get some use out of it.
Will I get some money back?
Because they do that sometimes
if you've got away with somehow
for whatever systemic
aberration that you've got away with having
free electricity and stuff.
They do try and levy like a, you know, six years
later they'll try to go, right, we need
50,000 pounds, please.
And I think, you know, statutes obviously
only go so far
and you can just have to fuck off.
And so, well done the people
who are having lovely free water. Fuck off.
Frank Champion was around
in enjoying the lovely
seasonal summer weather in the garden
last week.
And I'd put,
we've got like a little paddling pool.
I've got a little filter now
and I've become a pool.
Nice.
I can administer a big path.
Yeah, but it's an actual pool
minds above ground.
Latex, latex rubber.
How deep is it?
Well, three quarters of a meter maybe.
It's quite deep.
What a weird measurement.
Yeah, three hours of me here.
Three feet.
It holds about four thousand litres.
All right.
Okay.
I know my chlorine.
Yeah.
I know my chlorine amounts now.
And so I'm sort of working with a filter.
How long do you fill that fucker up?
A good, like, four hours.
It was a good old chunker.
Yeah.
I was getting it in before the horse pipe ban.
And now I'm like, right, I'm staying in there all summer.
I'm managing the chemicals.
I put a filter through it.
So what's Frank Champion?
saying? Well, Frank Champion is a man who, I think it's fair to say, you know,
he's a man of a certain age and he certainly isn't someone who doesn't look after the,
what do I say like that? He's a man who looks after the pennies. And you have to at that age.
And, you know, not an income and stuff, but he is very careful with the money.
And he went, and he went, oh, it's a good job, you're doing it, what, you don't have
water meter. And I went, I think we have. Oh, really? And he went, what?
So you're going to get a smash for that.
No, I think it's out in the...
It's outside the boundaries of the house,
and Sarah found out this week
that apparently the water company
can just look at the water meter
without even...
They come round and they peek at your water meat
and they don't even like tell you
that you've done it.
Isn't that naughty?
That is naughty.
Isn't that naughty?
I wouldn't put anything past those cunts.
I know.
Well, I don't enjoy the ants nest
is definitely down there,
so they enjoy that.
Do you plant that?
You plant an ant's nest?
I also think it's nice now,
isn't it?
Bullet ants.
Yeah.
Fire.
I like the fact that
whereas before another little
final indignity about
the utilities companies is
you used to want to get a little
semi break from your energy bills didn't you
because you wouldn't be using the heating in the summer
now you've got to run so many fans of fucking portable
AC units that you get
absolutely smashed my
my first electricity bill
for my new house which to be fair
it's a family-sized home now so fair enough
guess how much it was
for one month
Big a house, family.
Honestly, I don't do the electricity or gas.
255 pounds for one month.
Yeah, yeah, that's excessive.
Bananas.
Absolutely bananas, isn't it?
You got to stop your hyperboric oxygen chamber that you used to give you sexual power.
Once again, welcome to the Luke and Pete show.
We're brought to you with Association of the Sun.
The fucking actual son.
There's burn us all to death.
Sun,
Mr. Golden Sun,
please shine down on me.
That was a Luke and Pete short.
If you want to get to touch the show,
as always,
hello, Luke Pete Short is the way to do that.
It gets done and touch you on YouTube.
All kinds of different places.
We will see you on Monday.
Nice.
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