The Luke and Pete Show - Don’t look in my wash bag

Episode Date: April 3, 2023

Pete’s knocking on the door of 42 and he’s finally had his first filling. Luke doesn’t help the situation by warning Pete that he now isn’t allowed to fly the day before he goes to New York…Pete then has a very unusual request for the LAPS community and a listener’s story reminds us that you shouldn’t arse about in the ocean.Want to get in touch with the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the Luke of P-Show It's Monday the 3rd of April Which means it's two days after April Fool's Day Did you enjoy it? Did you enjoy the gyps? Did you enjoy the jokes? Did you enjoy someone setting your house on fire? It's all going off

Love a bit of April Fool's. You can set someone's house on fire on April 1st and go, look, he's just a guy. Until 11.59 a.m. Yeah, if it's still burning after midday, you're in trouble. You're in trouble. Yeah, you do have to extinguish it. You do have to extinguish it.

Bang on midday, it's got to go. Oh, Loki Moore. You know, last week I was saying that I am knocking on the door. I'm still reeling from 41 and knocking on the door of 42. And now we're in April, I very much am knocking on the door. I'm still reeling from 41 and knocking on the door of 42. And now we're in April. I very much am knocking on the door of 42. I had to give up the fight, Luke. And I finally got my first filling at 41 years old.

Wow, okay. So what happened? You felt a bit of pain in your tooth? You went to the dentist and he said, right, I've got some bad news for you and he said he said pete you clearly take care of yourself the muscles speak a thousand words um but he uh but he said um but i said i've got um i i ate an oyster and and there was still a bit of shell in there and it caught my tooth and it hurts a bit um but it's on it's not like an ongoing thing it's not like a big bit of pain so he um x-rayed me um it's good seeing the x-ray of your mouth but like x-ray machines nowadays are so like he just wheels it over like it's floating arm of x-ray poof poof he leaves the room bang bang and and and he checks out your teeth and

like back in the day you used to have to like go into a special room bite on this fucking thing and he and it was like a big old deal that was the last time I went for an x-ray last time I went to the dentist

12 years ago or something and then Americans are rolling on the floor here and went in yeah but I spent all my time in the dentist when I was a kid so I don't have to now I've had me brace work I'm the same as you but don't have to now. I've had me brace work.

I mean, I'm the same as you, but that's not how it works. I've had me brace work done. My teeth are nice and they've just got funny colours. They've just got bad colours. Your teeth are fine, but what happened? Yeah, he basically said, I mean, you could probably get away with getting a filling. So he's literally, it's just like an elected kind of filling. And I was like, oh, okay. You could probably get away with getting a filling. So he's literally, it's just like an elected kind of filling.

And I was like, oh, okay. You could probably get away with having a filling. You could probably get away with not having one. Dentists don't speak like that. You could probably get away with leaving it for a bit. You could probably get away with having it. We're in the Turkish barbers again. Cash in hand.

Yeah. And so I'm basically electing, and I've decided it is important to, you know, make that sort of, make that kind of clarification. I am electing to get myself a filling, giving up the ghost with my fluoride-ridden teeth at the age of 41. But there's nothing you can do about a mechanical break

of your tooth, I mean, that's just one of those things. No, but I just think, but the amount of sugar I ate, Luke, There's nothing you can do about a mechanical break of your tooth. That's just one of those things. No. But I just think, but the amount of sugar I ate, Luke. I know. The amount of sweets. I think it's because I just don't drink enough fruit juice. I'm just constantly eating sweets, and how would my teeth manage to survive? It's insane. The only thing you can do with the fruit juice is drink it through a straw, apparently.

Yeah. It's not great. So have you had the filling, or have you penciled in to have it? I've had it, yeah. Piece of piss. Fine. That's absolutely fine. You know you're not supposed to fly for two weeks after a filling

because there's sometimes air pockets underneath it which can pop it out. Where's that come from? No, because you go into a pressurised cabin. If you've had a filling done recently, you're supposed to wait for the air to dissipate because sometimes it can get caught under the filling. Where the hell does the air dissipate, though?

Does it just get absorbed into the teeth or the tooth? Yeah, it's just what I've heard. It's just what I've read before. You're in big trouble because you're flying out tomorrow, aren't you? Yeah. Jesus, your head might explode. Hope not. Hope not.

Well, it might, like, fire out at such a harsh kind of rate into the bottom of my tooth. I've been watching a lot of the Mentor pilot guy. You know that kind of swiss bloke i think he's swiss he's he's kind of upped his production standards um considerably and he's now got like 3d animations of why the helios flight um i think that was the one that was a ghost flight and why the air france thing blew up and why these people and and like a lot of it like all of the side it's like, all of the signs...

It's not funny. All of the signs are saying, please stop turning, right? Please stop turning, right? And they look down at their wheel and they just turn, right? And then they go into an uncontrollable dive and they kill everyone. And, like, everyone's just, like,

they don't look at their instruments. They can't see anything outside. They don't look at their instruments. They're confused. They think they're going up when they're going down. And there's just a lot of stuff. There's just like spatial, like the tricks your brain can do and how you prioritize and how when you're under stress and you're confused, all of your training goes out the fucking window. And it's all just like people just smashing themselves into mountains and swamps.

It's wild. Always flying out of Jakarta. Yeah. The Air France one you're talking about, was that the one that came down from, it was flying from Rio to Paris. That was the climb one, wasn't it? It just shot off the engine or something.

They had like a, one of the joysticks was on the wrong side in the design. And so the experienced captain couldn't see what the first officer was doing. And he kept putting back on the wrong side in the design. And so the experienced captain couldn't see what the first officer was doing. And he kept putting back on the stick. And they had no idea. It seemed like an absolutely ridiculous flaw.

There was one where it was like, you know, you have one engine, I guess there was two or four engines, it must be two engines, where the thrust thing that you pull down to make it go slower, and you push forward to go faster, I think. Or maybe the other way around, I don't really know. But they can be separated, so you can do one side that works harder than the other one.

One engine goes to full power, the other one doesn't. And so you're in a situation where you may try and turn left, but if you're only bashing on one engine, like, it's only going to go in the engine the way that the engine says, basically. And so, like, it's absolutely wild. Like, the disorientation these kind of... these really experienced pilots can experience

and how confused, like, the co-pilot can get and the co-pilot doesn't want to speak out and it's political and it's confusing and obviously every time something crashes we talk about it. There was definitely an issue, they've read that

in one of Malcolm Gladwell's books, there's definitely issues around like seniority and certain culture and stuff like that and it means that they're not, the senior pilot or the captain or whatever

isn't always held to account because the first officer feels too junior and all that kind of stuff. Also was one there was also one where i can't remember the south american country might have been venezuela where this venezuelan pilot i i i think it was venezuela anyway they had they had a very big issue around inferiority complexes when flying into jfk because the the JFK air traffic control guys were brutal. Right.

Really bossy. Yeah. And anyway, to cut a long story short, I believe it was a Venezuelan pilot was literally saying to JFK, we're running out of fuel.

Can we land, please? And JFK would go, get fucked. You get in the queue, big boy. And they just weren't saying anything. They were like,

all right, yeah, sorry about that. And they crashed. Oh no. Yeah. So that kind of stuff goes on perhaps a little bit more terrifyingly often than you think. That's more my vibe. That is like, can I please use the toilet, please?

Can I please use the toilet, please? Please piss yourself. But have you seen, did you watch that Netflix doc about Flight MH370? I've not watched it yet, no. You should watch that. I was literally about to say, you should watch that i was literally about to say you should watch that on your flight when you go away don't do that at some point do watch it i got me i got myself a steam deck um uh because i i sold my switch because i was like i'll i'll

i'll i'll have a crack at a steam deck and um i was going to install um microsoft flight simulator imagine being the kind of person that gets rid of your switch two months before the new zelda game comes out you must be out of your fucking mind. Oh dear. Yeah, that's coming up soon. I didn't finish the first one. Too involved. Too hard for you. Too hard for you. Too hard for me. You didn't finish it, did you? That MH370 documentary, it gets a bit kind of

fanciful halfway through, but it is really interesting, all the stuff that went on. Yeah. And they still don't really know what happened. That's the one that just gassed out. It just ran out of gas and just smashed into the sea. I think there's an issue with the idea that the secrecy of the certain jurisdictions. And I think there's a lot of Chinese passengers on the plane. And so the Chinese government are pretty kind of controlling in that part of the world

and trying to stymie information. And it's just essentially as always happens particularly these days when there's a vacuum just these stories like these conspiracy theory stories just kind of populate the space and so it's very difficult. I feel very very sorry for the families of the victims who haven't really had any answers at all which

in this day and age is absolutely ridiculous and especially because like you are you think that aviation aviation is one of those things that always seems like it's above governmental kind of um getting involved in this you know what i mean like when when things crash in like um russia or places you you sort of almost think that you know this is big boy stuff this is above party politics is above um uh geographical kind of like politics this is this is making this is furthering humanity

yeah but it's not always the case people doesn't work like that governments do get involved now and i think i think um you know to to to hear that you're someone your family there's a guy on that documentary poor guy who's like wife and i think three children all died and um he says no i mean he has no idea what happened to his family family. And it's one thing to have a horrific, tragic accident like that happen, but really, these days, it's not asking too much to be able to be told

what actually happened to your family. I mean, given they know everything about everything, they know every plane is at all times for the most part, they've got black box recorders, all the rest of it, but it's just not impossible. Really, really sad.

A documentary that's worth watching, though. Very interesting. Very well put together, I thought. Peter, let's have a quick break. When we do, we'll come back, because we want to do a slightly chunkier second half, because we've got some really good emails we want to get through.

All right, then. Cool. I would say that my dairy rate is £12,000. That was good. That was so good. Sorry, I was just practising. I've got to Zoom later on. I think my day rate is £12,000.

What's interesting about that thing is that if I said to you, pick a couple of politicians who would do that. Straight away, bang, bang. Yeah, away bang bang yeah what's his fucking name um uh the best the best bit was like i think quarte went um yeah like what what you're looking what you're looking to get because uh well probably about um 12 000 pounds uh a year a month he said probably 12 000 pounds a month um and they went oh we'd be we were sort of looking like 10 000 pounds a day he's like yeah yeah that's what i was thinking that's that's considerably more quasi come on did you did you say well not he's only doing it one day a month mate yeah well that's what that was his point yeah did you did you see um for those of

you listening who don't know, this is basically a sting that was set up by a media company to create a fake South Korean company to see if they could honey trap politicians into doing a load of lucrative work on the side when they should have been

representing their constituents. And a few people fell foul of it. But interestingly enough, I don't know if you know this, Pete, but that was also done in America before that. And they got Ron DeSantis. Yeah. And all he was doing was just eating chocolate pudding

with his fingers on the zoom. Anyway, right. Hello at lucanpreacher.com is the email address, as I'm sure you all know by now. Yes. And we've got a few good emails that have been on, that are follow-ups from things we've talked about in recent weeks. So

Peter, do you want to pick one to do first? I'll start off with Scott's. Yeah, do you remember the story he's referring to? Do you need me to refresh you? Where your mum thought you were taking drugs because she saw you with a small packet of aftershave that you got free. Like a free sampler's

aftershave. That's right. The recent story about Luke's mother thinking he was on the gear after finding of aftershave that you got free. Like a free sample of his aftershave. That's right. The recent story about Luke's mother thinking he was on the gear after finding his aftershave sample has brought back memories of a similar tale that was lodged deep in my brain. In the late 90s, I was in my mid-teens, and I'd just had my train track style braces removed. To stop any further movement in my teeth, I had to sleep with a retainer.

Obviously, sleeping with it in, the retainer was stinking the next morning, and I had to clean it by leaving it in a glass of water and dropping it in a special effervescent tablet. Now, I was given a pack of 100 of these to keep me going until the next check-up. These effervescent tablets came in a little square metal foil packet, and to the untrained eye, looked very much like a condom packet. I kept them in a Physiosport,

a much-launted deodorant brand by teenage lads of the time, wash bag, in a physio sport, a much lauded deodorant brand by teenage lads of the time, wash bag, in a drawer under my wardrobe. My mother for some reason that remains unknown came across said bag and thought that her just turned 15 year old wee boy was a sex crazed maniac, which was unfortunately

for 15 year old awkward me far from the truth. I came home from school to see her sitting with him spread over the dining table like a police weapons amnesty hole, bawling her eyes out. After being unable to get a word in edgeways, I grabbed one and put it in my younger brother's juice, who at eight years old was oblivious to the commotion.

I can't remember what happened after, but what I can say is my teeth are now fine. This has been a long forgotten story and I'm looking forward to regaling it at the last family get together the next family get together keep the vlog guys it gets you through the week cheers Scott in Edinburgh

I mean it's excellent what I love about that is that you can't remember whether the parents your caregiver said sorry for being weird.

They never did. Now you have to. You have to fess up. You have to be the bigger guy. But then you're just like, oh, well, if you ever do dare to fucking. Yeah. If you ever fucking let that be a lesson to you. That's what would happen if that was drugs or condoms.

Presumably, though, the logic around it is surely that if your 15-year-old son is sexually active, he's using condoms at least. That could be a good thing, right? Yeah, but he is being responsible. Yeah. The young ladies of Edinburgh are satisfied. All men.

Yeah. Are satisfied and safe. Well, you don't know that part of it. I don't know that part, Scott. Scott, I mean, if you could just write this back, would you have been good at sex at 15 if indeed you haven't sex?

Don't do that, Scott. Just so we can get a mental image. Don't listen, Scott. Just so we can get a mental image. Actually, don't even bother doing the Luke. Actually, no, publicly tweet him, Luke at Luke Herrimoa on Twitter.

Just let him know. All right? It's fine. In fact, everyone does that. Everyone send a message on Twitter. What are you doing? Is producer Rory going to have to do the work here? Not you.

When Pitchfork did a top... Was it top 20? Top 10? Oh, don't be fucking bringing this up. Come on. Top 50 Britpop albums top 50 Britpop albums you seemed a bit annoyed by the whole makeover

I sort of skimmed through I don't really care about those kind of things I don't generally either I let myself down really no you left an

open goal for me and number one was Pulp's Different Class an album an act that Luke doesn't necessarily respect

I would agree I don't think Different Class certainly isn't top 10 but I think his and hers should have been higher than what it was um but um i just love time for that i just love uh and and i got very excited and just kept on sending taking pictures of myself uh and sending them to you on twitter um like stupid faces and stuff and um because i'm quite a versatile fat fat old face these days like i can really sort of make myself look really terrible yeah you do really run the spectrum

from all the way from crypto fascist to straight fascist yeah exactly yeah fat fascist um but but um but i i did it and i was like you shouldn't tweet just after you've woken up Pete. I'd add a little nap and when I wake up I'm excited. I'm feeling fruity. I'm getting involved. And I'm sending you pictures of me first. It's just I discover excited. The other day I got woken up at like 4 in the morning for some reason. I can't remember why.

And I didn't get back to sleep straight away and I went into the bathroom. I'll tell you what it was. I was a bit ill and had a cough. I didn't want to wake the wife I have access to up so I went into the bathroom. I'll tell you what it was. I was a bit ill and had a cough. I didn't want to wake the Wi-Fi of access to up. So I went into the bathroom to finish off coughing and I put the light on

so I could see what I was doing. Caught myself in the mirror at four in the morning. I was just disgusted. What do you mean? I just looked so bad. I just looked so bad. It was awful.

It was so, honestly, it was awful. Anyway, on that list thing, my issue with that is that Pitchfork are, and I'm going to get a load of shit for saying this because it's just what people are like on this kind of thing, but I'm going to say it anyway. It's embarrassing, Pitchfork.

It's so embarrassing. Has it always been embarrassing? They've been around for a very long time, haven't they? Yeah, but they're just so, it's hard to explain. Do you know what I don't like about culture? Is I don't like when people gatekeep culture. Right. I don't like the and hopefully Pete, you'll agree with me on this.

That's true, and you've always been certain I don't like it when people, so when you guys played that Dan Brown gag on me, it hit home because it's funny and it made me look ridiculous, so that's fine, but I don't actually like that snobbiness around. No, but it's not snobbish. It's like literally you're...

Oh, no, that gag was brilliant. You're curated. You had then quite a curated kind of what people, what you gave out to the world, I would say. Yeah, so maybe that's why I'm not like it now. Maybe because I just like, you know, I'm a reformed character or something, or semi-reformed.

I think in many ways we created you you yeah yeah now you've destroyed me um um i went to end of the road festival uh once and um i just remember a guy there i didn't know him he was in the same kind of area we were in and then and end of the road had this um this really cool like forest library it's like a book swap thing right and you'd go there you take a book and you take you obviously give a book and you take a book back like it's kind of yeah a nice thing to do right and people were kind of generally using it respectfully because it's quite a family-based festival or it was then and there was just this absolute fucking helmet there who um who was just way too cool for everyone and liked the music he

liked and just just a dickhead yeah and he was like taking uh ian rankin books out of the thing and like setting fire to them and dancing around at end of the road festival yeah i'm just saying ian rankin terrible author now i actually think ian rank is great and i really like his books that's not the point the point here is that like people should be free to like what they like and if you are someone who's intimidated say by reading a difficult novel it would be great to be able to start a novel that's a bit easier and we should be gatekeeping this stuff and it's the same with music the problem with music is it's so gatekeeper-y particularly around the pitchfork types where it's almost like oh what you can't even name like

six beatles albums and maybe i did used to be like that when i was a teenager when i was younger and that's why i'm not like it now. But anyway, with Pitchforks on this top 50 Britpop list, they don't have an understanding of what Britpop actually was, because it's all American writers. And I'm very, very,

very surprised based on the content of the list itself, whether they had any understanding of what Britpop actually was. So they have these, they make these decisions based around like their perception of the critical quality of a record but not really fully understand the parameters they themselves have set and so you end up with like the first elastica album being higher than like definitely maybe and pulp being number one and i know it's all subjective but it's it's ridiculous. It's just ridiculous. It's like a completely

flawed concept to start with and as you can tell, I don't really care that much about it as you can obviously tell but it's just a little bit weird I think.

And what the Riffing Pitchfork do by the way is they go back and they reassess their scores of albums for years gone by. That's an absolute wash in it. Yeah, because

that's nonsense. If it's not stood the test of time for a while, they just go back and change it. Which I think is fucking bullshit. Yeah, that is bullshit. Unbelievable. Anyway, what about this from Andy? Sorry about that digression, but Pete forced me into it. What about this from Andy, who says the following.

Hi Luke and Pete. Pete's story from a few weeks back regarding drowning in the sea reminded me of my own ocean-related fuck-up back in 2019. I was traveling the Pacific Highway with some mates in the US and we stopped at a beach to chill, have a swim,

and generally take a break from the long drive. One of the boys procured a bodyboard and we started messing around in the relatively high waves. It should be noted at this point the beach was empty and no one else was in the ocean at all bad decision number one after about 20 minutes we were getting bored and the waves were getting very high maybe 10 to 15 feet in some areas i decided

to have one last go on the board before we headed off to the cheap motel on the highway we had booked for the night i completely mistimed the wave and ended up caught underneath it as it crested pushing me to the bottom of the ocean where i was twisted in the current and cracked my chin on something either my knee or a rock one of my mates was a lifeguard and pulled me out from the water to a chorus of laughter until i looked up to stretch and you could see bone through my chin i split the bottom open and was taken to hospital for stitches 20 stitches and three thousand five hundred dollars later i was talking to the doctor who casually informed me lucky you hid it there and not your face or you would probably be dead uh he thought this was

hilarious i did not i still don't know what was worse the chin or the frankly shocking hospital bill another lesson about not arsing around the ocean and since i now live in sydney and not glasgow i have to remind myself of this every day. The scar is still there and conveniently located in a location that really draws attention to my double chin. Not really a scar that gives off the windswept and interesting vibe. As an aside, I met you both at the Ramble live shows in Edinburgh and Glasgow a few years back, and I still have my Ramble book signed by you all,

including a heartfelt message from Pete that reads I am not the Ramble's resident bevy merchant in response to accusations from my inebriated self thanks for reading and Pete just be thankful Abraham didn't ask you for three grand for the rescue, cheers lads Andy, although Pete did tip him

something in the region of about $3,000 if I'd have had it I would have given it to him. Good God. What price can you put on a life of such seismic importance as yours, Peter, though? Exactly. The Rambles resident bevy merchant. Who wants to lose that? I mean, you are the Rambles resident bevy.

Well, Vish probably is now. But back then, Vish wasn't with us. Yeah, but Vish does it in a nice way, like red wine and stuff. No, Vish does it where he basically, every single Instagram post is him holding a bottle of wine. And maybe that's socially more acceptable, whereas you're much more of a slab, 24-counter, tisky kind of guy. But it's both the same thing, isn't it? We're still getting our legs taken off in our school.

Getting your kicks. Yeah, exactly. Let's have a really, really quick one before we shuffle off. Sam Dorrell from Bristol. Yeah. Hi, guys. If you remember a while ago, I was the man who sent in my plus 100k steps in a day,

which you said must be a software error, something I still disagree on. Anyway, you're probably aware that an ESTA is the thing that you need to enter, need to get to enter the USA, and every two years you need to apply on before you leave. On a recent trip to the States, it so happened that on the day I was travelling,

my ESTA expired on the flight when I was flying over. When I got to Boston Logan, I was escorted by armed guards at the secret immigration room. I guess all the guards are armed there, so it's probably not that much of a stretch. But in there, in the immigration room, I was listening to an armed guard holding his gun in the holster, forcing an Indian man back to his home country on the next flight out as he hadn't booked a flight home within six weeks. The cost was over £3,000 and he was encouraged forcefully to

pay for it immediately without any defence. I also saw a situation where guns were slightly pointed at a group from Mexico that were causing a scene. It was the most uncomfortable I've ever been. Luckily I was able to redo the Esther in the waiting room from what I can only assume was my white skin and British passport. But the signal in the room was so bad that each page took minutes to load.

I was only in there for about an hour, but the things I saw were absolutely horrific. Sam Dahl from Bristol. Yeah, it's stressful, isn't it? It's horrible. There's an air of menace in the way that people look at you at the airport. It's weird because Boston Logan, in my experience, is actually by far the most reasonable one

I've ever flown through. So must just be unlucky, I guess. But yeah, it's not great to hear that, is it? It's a bit much. You don't get hassled, do you, Pete, when you're in the airport normally? Well, again, I mean, yeah, again, out of the two resident bevy masters of the ramble,

I think we all know which one would more likely be bothered at an airport. Jules, let's be fair, Jules makes it top three. Yeah, but Jules is drunk all the time. Oh, come on. Oh, come on. But I'm saying, yeah, but I'm saying you, I think on planes, I think you kind of, there's no better place to fucking challenge your um your privilege as a white person than in a fucking airport because no one looks at you compared to

anyone who's got it's incredible totally before before we go can i just finish off by saying something i really wanted to mention but i forgot earlier have you seen this thing where people on Twitter who've been banned and suspended are using the appeal process to obviously try and get reinstated and someone at some point noticed that under

the new Elon Musk regime basically all you have to type into the bit where you make your representations about why you shouldn't be banned and why it was a mistake is you just have to type in I feel like I'm being persecuted

for my right-wing beliefs and people are getting instantly reinstated. Good stuff. I might get transfer free as you're back up and running. Do it. Do it.

You should. You should. All those shadow accounts that you've got, get them up and running again, mate. Exactly. Exactly. All right.

All those Pulp fan accounts, get them going again. Yeah. Let's go. Let's get out going again. Yeah. Let's go. Let's get out of here. Take us home, baby. Oh, are you ready to get home? Get your robe on.

I've started. I've run you a bath. Let's get into the bath. Can you stop this now? Let's get warm. This is the worst thing you've done. The doctor is in. You're not a doctor.

I'm not a doctor oh dear right I'll see you later no you don't just say I'll see you later see you later they've heard this a million times alright

they'll hear it a million times again see you later see you later the luke and pete show is a stack production and part of the acast creator network