The Luke and Pete Show - Dreadful Far-right Music

Episode Date: May 28, 2026

On today’s episode, Luke and Pete get into the weeds of the British far-right and discuss the bizarrely disparate causes being represented at Tommy Robinson’s marches and the appalling standard of music on offer for his followers.There’s also a couple of items of listener correspondence to attend to. First trains, then haunted dolls.Send us your latest stories, questions and comments here: [e-mail] Luke and Pete Show is the sometimes ridiculous, always funny podcast with Luke Moore and Pete Donaldson: two men who have time on their hands and a good idea of how to waste it. Subscribe to get your comedy podcast fix every Monday and Thursday. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the Luca Pitcho. I'm Pete Donson, John by Mr. Luke. I'm here. I'd like to start the show with some corrections, some clarifications. Good. Good. Always good. The production team here at Stack, I'm not, it's Bruno, did put in the running order for this show that not, and I quote, not seeing an awful lot about intact suicide bomber bums online. So we'd let us set the story straight. So you, don't me. Don't we. I mean, to be fair, Bruno did spend a gap year with ISIS.

So we do appreciate his input on that one. And yeah, we're back with Logan Pitcho on a Thursday. I love this. Like, Bruno, I think Bruno went, I don't know for a fact, Bruno went to the University of Cambridge. Yeah. I did really well. Gapier at ISIS. That's what he's getting at his employer.

That's the right up he's getting. Yeah, exactly. Gapier and ISIS. What do they do at ISIS for a year, Pete? Yeah. What was in charge of what was his responsibility when he was over there? Short order chef. Yeah.

He would cook beef burgers, soup, nothing more complicated than that. I don't think they're eating beef burgers. It's a good point actually. No, they can eat beef burgers. That's a really good question though, isn't it? Yeah. I often think that, you know, in these like kind of murderous, really holy caliphate regimes, what are they doing like day to day?

I know we get the highlights. We get the kind of, you know, the calls of prayer. We get the kind of the medieval punishments. The fellas on the monkey bars and Shane Gillis. Yeah. Yeah. And we get the ride on the bus. One of the parts of it, I was, do you think, does.

Toyota is an amount of gun. Like, I mean, that looks good. Toyoters an amount of gun. That does look fucking good fun, right? But what are they doing day to day? Because everything is probably not allowed. So, what I'm getting? that is, if someone took away

my TV, all my books, and my phone, what am I doing? I'm basically just eating. I'm the size of a fucking house. Yeah, that's the thing. I'm sort of think what's the, what's the, but then gluttony's probably haram as well, isn't it, I guess? What is, what, what, I don't think there's a single part of my life that is in anywhere compatible with religious fundamentalism.

I really don't, I really, I really, I really don't think it is. Yeah, which makes sense. Because you look like a national socialist, so it makes perfect sense, really. I guess so. But I think if you were going to go any way, you'd probably go proper fundamental kind of Christian nationalist. Yeah. Well, that's how that they're sort of... Like crypto-fascist, like dressed up as a Christian nationalist.

Well, yeah, I mean, the all the Trump-Aping, the sort of Maga-Trumping right-wingers in this country, you know, the Tommy Robinson's lot, they're kind of skewing towards the whole religious cross stuff, aren't they? They're sort of trying to pick up. Is that just because they think it gets them where they want to get to? Yeah, I think it is. I don't think, you know, they of course don't believe. I mean, you know, on the first day, the Lord created cocaine. Like, it's not, I don't think it's part of their, part of their plan.

But you sort of think that the, I just don't think it's part of our psyche in the year of our Lord, 2026. I just don't think the, I don't think we have that same connection with being a wrongan and being a Christian fundamentalist. I also, I find it interesting, speaking of that, like, you know, you know that kind of unite the right thing? Yeah. It was the other day at the time of recording. Great music, great tunes. Great music. Great tunes. Great performances all around. The music was, that's the feeling. It was so bad.

You can't make excuses for that. You must be to find one right wing person that can fucking sing. But it's just funny. I just love how... Phil Collins. Yeah, but none of them, aren't most rockers right-wing, the end of it. Get one of like, it wasn't...

Roger Daltry is. Daltry, yeah, yeah. But the thing is, though, Pete, you're missing a vital point of this though. I'm not looking to besmirch the, let's be honest, average reputation of Phil Collins' sting or Roger Daltry.

But the reality is the big missing ingredient for these kind of guys because the guy who was doing the singing that got a load of pelters was a guy called Ricky Doolin, right? The bloke who looks like Ian Watkins.

Kind of, yeah. And lost profits. But you sting, You sting Phil Collins's and Roger Daltries of this world Of this world They've made their though, haven't they? They're above politics You know, Roger Daltry will go

And he will Announce a 50 year Anniversary of fucking Tommy or whatever And oh yeah, we're going to do some shows There's a new fucking CD coming up, whatever And then someone will ask him And they'll go, yeah, well Brexit, we're better off out of it, right? He'll just do that.

He doesn't need to get involved in it wholesale. He's made his dough. He's living in the same thing. massive mansion down in Sussex, you don't give a fuck, right? So that's why you're not getting those guys there, right? And then you're just scraping the bottom of the people who haven't made any money because they think, oh, well, you know, I might sell a few records or I might get paid a few quid, and they've got no choice but to do it.

But the one thing I wanted to say about that, you're not the right thing. Because I got caught up in the first one, one in, it was in September-ish time. Yeah. I was kind of back, on a Saturday, I was coming back from doing fighting talk in town, and I had to cycle back down south. and I couldn't get through the crowd of people. I just just sit there and wait. And the one thing that was interesting about that one

was that there was quite a lot of quote-unquote, normal-looking people who were just up to London for the day. Right. They weren't, they certainly, I mean, I think if you had spoken to any of the kind of older couples, you know, they wouldn't have espoused the views of a Tommy Robinson, of a, you know, one of those fucking wrongings, right?

That's not to excuse it, but I'm just saying that's my experience. If you look at the The one that just happened Did you see all the different subject To flags that were on the On the march No, I didn't know

So there was like There was like stop the boats That kind of shit right Yeah But there was like There was like anti-COVID stuff There was Iranian regime stuff There was

Pro Trump stuff Yeah there was loads And loads of disparate views Yeah And it made me think that, you know, when they say that the reason that in the West, kind of revolutions don't happen as much, is because there's no single unifying subject for people to get behind. It's like Adam Curtis talks about it a lot in a lot of his work. Like the idea that like communism or religion or fascism, whatever it may be, it's a unifying idea that people unite behind. You just don't get that now?

but do you think that yeah but also do you think that they're kind of they've got all the money in the world but everyone's A on the steel in the organisations B they're just fracturing aren't they I suppose they just kind of I'm pretty sure the Nazis are on the steel as well mate

yeah we're doing properly they were doing it properly with the old but what I mean is though what I mean is I guess if you if you happened upon a Nuremberg rally right and you started asking people why they were there

the answer would broadly be the same. If you go, if you go, I'm not comparing what, what, what, I'm not, I'm not comparing that to what that United Right March was. Obviously I don't think it's as severe as that. That would be wrong for me to say that. But my point just being, great big political movements unified behind a singular idea for the most part. And if you went to the United Right thing and asked 15 different people at different

stages that much why they were there, you might well get 10 different answers. Yeah, but I mean, but Nuremberg would. have been 6 million employed, you know, the Dictat First World War, like there'd be a million different grievances, do you know what I mean? There were a million different factions inside that, yeah. These things aren't linked. There's nothing that links being a supporter of Trump wanting to stop the boats, supporting like the regime in Iran and COVID restrictions, which were buying over six years ago. But it just seems like, people are madness though, isn't it? People just tacking on to anything that they...

Yeah. It's a very strange thing. It's a very strange thing. It's an anti-establishment, isn't it? That's the only... I think that's probably the one thing, yeah. It's interesting. I'm not trying to explain it.

I'm just saying it's a weird observation. You could see it in the BBC coverage of it. When there's someone reporting from it, you could see the stuff that was going past. Yeah. There was no kind of unifying, um, kind of placard or poster or anything. Yeah. Hey, just look in the left hands of every person, every man,

every fighting age man that's in that crowd door. Stellas. United by their love of Canada. And taking a piss in public. And taking a piss in public, yeah. But like you, it's just quite a weird concept. You're not trying to explain it. Yeah.

But if you were to watch, so if I was 15 years ago, I said to you, oh, there's a March happening in London. You should go and look at it. And you watched it. And it was like an Israel flag. then the Iran flag Yeah Then a big

Homemade placard of a COVID injection And then It's like a good A tournament A hat with Donald Trump on it It's like what is this This is an absolute fucking This is like a round of shooting stars

It's a bad from above It's a bad time It's the odd one out And have I got news for you What is that doesn't make any sense That guy's got a prokia star my flag That's confusing That would never happen

That's confused That's confused things That's the one thing that has kind of united people, isn't it? Yeah. Their hatred of quite a dull, you know, like quite a dull man. Like it's a weirdly kind of like, he doesn't, he's not really, he must be bemused and confused about the hatred. You know, the doorstep hatred of the nation because he's quite a grey, pale man. He has never elicited that kind of strength of reaction in his life before he came by Mr.

Like no way. There's no way. He's not come out of an argument, a lovemaking session, a football match, anything, where he's got any kind of response like that. It must be as much of a surprise to him as anyone. He's literally the most unpopular prime minister in the history of this country, and he's done precisely nothing towards it. To deserve it, apart from some slightly, you know, merely lasting effectual.

He's polling worse than Margaret Thatcher was the week after the poll tax riot. And he's done nothing. Amazing. It's just bonkers. It's absolutely bananas of what's going on. Yeah. Did you watch that Andy Burnham video? That's a good video, wasn't it?

What was in? What? He drove to have a run. And people were just like, the people who've never run in their lives went, look, he drove to have a run. He's like, no, he's driving somewhere else nicer to have a run. He's run a lot of marathons. He's run a lot of marathons.

It's a stupid line of attack. But no, the video he did is about three or four minutes long, announcing why he was going to stand in the by-election at Makersfield. Right, okay, no. Set to the music of one day like this by an elbow, followed by some might say by Oasis, and loads of normal people in the street coming up to him and him being able to have a normal interaction with a normal human being.

Right, okay. This is this, I'm not a robot. Yeah. It's all a bit of a shame, isn't it? But someone would come over and go, oh, if you can do for the country what you're done for Manchester, I'll be right behind you. And he's like, yeah, oh, cheers, mate, appreciate that.

And then the guy will go, oh, yeah, by the way, I'm a mate and I like, oh, you're not. You and have a little bit of banter about football. And he said, fuck you. And at no point did he go, my dad was a tool maker and he made tools. And he said to me, I want you to be as working class as possible. It's almost as if like he was like the Steve.

Bruce kind of character, you know, get you promoted, but he shouldn't be the Prime Minister. I understand what you mean by that. Do you know what I mean? He was the right man to sort of steer, you know, the ship away from choppy waters and get there, but he, you know, he's just fallen foul of too many, too many wicks. Would you be a burn, would you be a burn, would you be a burn man?

Burnham on Crouch. No, it's just all a bit, it just all seems very, you feel the burn? Torrey pie, didn't it? Just this kind of like, uh, ambitious. bullshit that you sort of see from you from you lefties are that you fucking eat your own don't you no it's what the tories were doing for fucking this was the chaos of the fucking torres in the last fucking five years just people just try and you get six months and then

someone you know a bigger fish starts to swallow you if you've not done stuff in in time yeah but I think Burnham is the guy who can specifically fix the problems that Labor are bleeding out from at the moment right? Right why is that? He can actually communicate with people he could possibly, he's got much more chance of getting voters back from reform and the Greens than Stama ever has. And I think he's got some big ideas as well. Stama does nothing. He just does nothing.

Yeah, but then you just saw him there. He's like, I'm not, I'm not bringing, bearing a mind, the only people he has to satisfy a trade unionists and the Labour members to get to where he needs to be, and also win an election as well, or get into where he needs to be. We're a leadership contest, I guess. Yeah. And so, like, you're in a situation where he's, he, he, he, he needs to speak to his own party, effectively, because a lot of this.

And there's a lot of his own, you know, Labour, Labour stands. And he's basically going, yeah, no, I might have said that, you know, Brexit was a disaster, but, you know, I don't want to, you know, relitigate. You're, like, going, you're going down the same fucking Starman thing. Just fucking stand for something. Just say, I want to get back in the market. I want to, you know, rejoin the fucking European Union, whatever. But just fucking stand for something. Because, you know, people just.

I think you should say that he wants to bring back mandatory COVID vaccines every six months. Yeah, I'll just say how it goes. So if that's the worst, just give the right-wing press something, or just the press in general, and the left-wing papers don't sell any. Just give the press some chaff for them to chew over, really concentrate on. Go on, yeah, no, I think we should kill babies. And it's so spurious and so stupid that they can sort of get themselves in knots, and then they can actually get on with just actually run in the country.

I think he should do something a little bit more clever than that. Like, I think he could talk about, like, um, canceling the repeal of the corn laws and, right, okay, yeah. Also abandoned daylight savings.

Yeah. Bring back the gold standard. Have we still got that? I don't know. I can't really anything about it. Yeah, just churn back the guinea. Just,

just, just, yeah, everything from now on in terms of a distance is going to be measured in leagues and hands. Yeah. And, and,

Look, we're going to actually go back to a, we're not going to join the region of you, guys, so just relax. We're going to go back to a medieval bartering economy. Yeah. Or at best, the hapenny. The hair penny. And then before you know it, when everyone's fucking concentrate on that, bang, he's done HS2.

Yeah. He's done it himself. He's got in his car. He's drove over there. Put some sleepers down. Put some sleepers down. I'm all for it. You know what?

I'm all for it because I'm just fed up of, um, I'm just fed up of the fucking whole shit. I just think, Burnham looks like he might be all right. Yeah. He legitimately looks like he might be right. He's got a limited mandate for two years. Just get, yeah, just.

And also, it's, it's, it's, I'm so disappointed in Stama. I know, the thing is everyone does that whole here, Stama's a wanker thing, which, which I think is crap and I don't want to be a part of it. But at the same time, I am disappointed in him. But I, but I think he's just, he's just, you don't know how I don't know how anything anywhere as a Labour leader because the, right, because the press just will not give you any, any, any breath. but instead of having a historic mandate like he had with the landside election that he took

like just fucking do something they're going to hate you regardless there's going to be AI memes of you by the fucking crew Kern Gazette Wanker you know from from here until you know you're always talking about him I'm obsessed with him I think he's terrible he's a terrible man

I can't wait until AI is financially untenable for the normal dad on the street I'm tired of it I'm tired of AI I'm tired of it Where do the dads go next, though? Where did the dads go left? They'll probably have to learn out of fucking use Photoshop or something. Like my dad did in the good old coal mining days.

By the way, you know the other week, slight change of subject, but the other week when people were talking about how the ex formerly known as Twitter, is basically just turned into a kind of AI-generated, like porn site now. Right, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, all right, I don't really use it much.

I'd actually tweeted the other day ago at Chris Sutton, but that's all I'd kind of do. days. And I noticed in my timeline, and I'm probably setting myself out for a fall here because it's obviously curated to me. But I honestly don't use, I honestly don't use to that much. If there's a football goal that I need to see that's just being scored, I'll go on Twitter. And that's the only reason I go on.

Yeah, that makes sense. But what I noticed, which was really interesting, was that there's loads of threads on there, which are just old-fashioned, like 1980s, stories, like stories, you. used to getting porn mags? What do you mean? Like, like, like,

like, like, like, uh, I, you know, I went to, I was delivering pizzas around about night

yeah, yeah, yeah. What, just people telling, sexy stories? Yeah. What was the good one you read?

What was the one that, you know, oh, that's a load up. I mean, I haven't, I've just loaded up, I've just load up Twitter then.

The first thing that's come up is still one of my favorite videos of one time, and it's the not like reading man. Not like Reading man. Oh, I love him. You won't let me do his voice. though. Don't do his voice. You're not allowed.

It's great. He's absolutely great. It is great. And it loses so much saying, not like Reading. Right, look at this, right? Look at this, right? Okay. I just found a guy on Tinder with genuinely the biggest dick I've ever seen in my life and I'm going to talk to you about it.

That's literally on my timeline. Who's this person? And then some stuff about Phil Foden and then a bit of boxing. in and then Donald Trump stuff, basically. Right. Yeah.

I've got Lucas Packettar. I was genuinely surprised to see the return of the porno story, is what I'm saying. Because that used to be a staple of the porn mags back in the day. It did, yeah, like sexy stories and stuff. And the kids who are doing that now will feel like they're an original thing. But it isn't it? Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, fine. There's a video here in Toronto. A man pulls up to stop a bike thief from getting beat up. and then the bike thief tried to steal his scooter and so then he had to beat him up he got away with it I do really like the

form of content which is man says something racist and then gets knocked out or man starts fighting like a bully in a takeaway restaurant and then gets knocked out or man tries to assault woman and then gets knocked out the justice of those makes me feel very happy very enjoyable

very enjoyable. The absolute apotheosis of that is the two guys in Eastern Europe somewhere who are trying to happy slap people. Yeah. And do you remember it? It's a video. There's like a M.MA fight or something

with his girlfriend. And one of them happy slaps the girlfriend. And he absolutely toes them in. And they keep getting up. And he keeps knocking them down. And they keep getting up. It's unbelievable. You cannot believe how often they keep getting up.

Enjoyable. Very, very. enjoyable yeah yeah any any justice videos like that um cannot get enough of them cannot get enough um i've got to stop looking at twitter now i'm get very very confused do you want a couple of emails before we go yes please let's do some emails for crying out all right do you want one about haunted dolls or train stations in the uk i know which one of each let's have one of each okay all right i'll do a train station one first it's from ash hello ash he says um well his name is ash but he signs it off ash so i'm going to call him ash um hi the luke and the pete first time email that long

time listener following your chat on the excessive number of train stages in the uk i didn't say there was excessive i said it was impressive i would think there should be more train stations frankly um he says i live in a small mining uh small former mining village called kiverton park which is located in between sheffield and worksop um with a population of roughly seven thousand people The village is essentially one main road of about two miles with a few housing estates on either side. Despite the small size of the village, we have two train stations. Kibberton Bridge in the middle of the village and Kiverton Park on the other end. These stations are no more than 1.5 miles apart.

It's great stuff. That's lovely to see. Bad planning. It reminds me of when the UK was a industrial powerhouse. And you could get away with two train stations a mile away from. How many train stations are there in Hartlepool, Peter? One, and we've recently got a second platform. All my life.

All my life, up until the age of 43, there was only one, one and a half, I think, platforms. So, the one and a half, that was trains at starting in Hartlepool, but the other two would be going through from Middlesbrite and Newcastle. Now, if trains needed to go the other direction, you basically had to close, you know, close it off to the... other directions so that would just take longer because one train had to wait till the one service the platform but now we have a little bridge that goes over the top and now we've

got two we've only gone to blooming platforms what a feel good story what i feel good story in uh that to me screams vt on the one show yes yeah we've not had just some people are going now what i can get the mega bingo at night i mean i mean i i mean i will be i will be absolutely isolated if I do end up at Hartleypool Train Station because there aren't any buses after 6 o'clock so I will be absolutely fucked if I take this one and that'll be the whole thing

I've got a vested interest because I grew up in the largest town in the UK without a train station which is Gosport 80,000 people 80,000 people no train station but I used to have one. You've got hovercrafts, haven't you? No, no hovercraft from Gosport you've got hovercraft from Southsea in Portsmouth

but you've got a ferry across to across the harbour to portsmouth and you've got obviously buses but gospel is a peninsula so they should

really by rights to be a train station there I agree but there isn't 80,000 people and listen Ash has been in touch

7,000 people two train stations Grady come on your train stations send one of your train stations send one down this way Ashley

all right and what about this for from Colin hello to you Colin Matt there's a guy called Colin calling Colin listening to the show

isn't it is he an older gentleman, do you think? Sounds like it. Colin, or unless it's Colin Quaver, the dog in a zoot suit that advertised Quavers in the 80s. That's a very good reference.

Dear Luke and Pete, Colin here from Sunny Lanarkshire in Scotland, but a former two-time resident of Portsmouth, brackets 2005-6 and 2014-16. I was enjoying your latest episode and you got onto the topic of haunted dolls and Luke's dislike of them. It instantly took me back to Shantel

originals on Elm Grove in South Sea. Please forgive me if you've discussed this before, but if not, you can't go further for a more haunted dull experience. I'm led to believe that the clothes they sold were of the highest bespoke tailored nature for children for formal events, very ornate items. But bugger me, the ever so spooky childlike mannequins in the windows they use to advertise them is spine tingling. I totally agree. And that shop is still there in the Cascades Shopping Centre in Central Portsmouth. Right. Chantle originals. They make these really ornate, really, really,

heavily detailed, quite expensive, which is strange, because that part of Portsmouth is quite run down, like dresses for little toddler girls, basically. Right, okay. Of Victorian children? Yeah, kind of, yeah. After an enjoyable evening, the one-eyed dog,

which is an indie pub there, you're wandering off to either scandals or chaos for your evening dancing, just walking past Chantels would put you on edge. You would be sure the mannequins were moving around watching you and made you feel like you were in a hyped up version, of the shining. In writing this now, I've learnt that the place is now closed down. It's not. It's still, it's still a lot. It's still open. Oh, Bruno's putting in there, it's closed in

2023. Okay. All right, fine. I was what I said, because last time I went to Cascades, it was definitely still open. It survived COVID then. But yeah, but I wonder what they did with all the mannequins then, because like, as Colin says, though childlike mannequins are sacked in the back streets of Salcy. You know, where are they now? Look on eBay. Yeah, those I would say those shops like that you see I think I always use the example of the puppet shop in Brighton

That screams of inherited freehold Yeah It's a shop Doesn't pay business rates And just pretends it's a house For business purposes And just sells a lot of stuff online really I often think that

Because like if you If you happen past like a shop In a small town And it's hardly anyone there And it's say even like a corner shop or something. Yeah. And it's just not the footfall to justify it.

Is it just a situation where they own the building outright or something? They've got the training license and they live above it. And so it just makes sense to open it every day. Is that what the situation is? I guess so, yeah. You're already living there. So you may as well just, you know, get a bell. And then you run downstairs in your pants.

Go, hello. Hello. Do you want a newspaper? Do you want to poppet? Or a puppet. Yeah, exactly. It does make you think. Hard work, commerce.

Hard work. Right, Peter, take us out of here, please, mate. We'll be back on... You've got to go play golf. You've got to go and play golf. You've been... You hit the Lynx for the first time. You're actually on a proper golf pitch. Everyone who says...

Everybody doesn't know anything about golf says that. It's not the Lynx. The Lynx is a particular type of golf course. Usually on the... Oh, well, sorry. Barry Woods, brother of Tiger Woods. That's my golfing name. Barry Woods. Barry Woods.

Well, enjoy the swish of the metal and the clonker. of the plastic with little rubber bands inside and enjoy the scream of the fore and the scream of the squirrels as it bunks the squirrel on the head you've murdered my son you bastard

you he was the mayor of squirrel town you bastard how dare you fire balls at my mayor son the son my son and the mayor of Squirrel Town. Fuck you, Luke Moher.

Fuck you. Terrorist. Just a bum left. Just a squirrel's bum left. We'll be back soon. Gives an email, will you? Hello, Luke Pitcho.com. Or else, we have to do more stuff.

Bye. If you want to send your tributes to the mayor of squirrel town. The mayor of squirrel town and son of the squirrel. That was gone somewhere. I've had too many antihistamines. Probably would have been better

if I hadn't done that. Don't you have. No, no. It's great stuff. See it, say it started. The Luke and Pete Show is a stack production and part of the ACAST creator network.