The Luke and Pete Show - Dungeon Master Donny

Episode Date: May 1, 2023

Pete has revealed that he got banned from playing Dungeons & Dragons when he was younger for being “too whimsical”. That’s next level Diggory Donaldson behaviour… Pete then tells us all about his most recent trip to the recycling centre and we also hear all about his plans to upgrade his Fiat Punto!! Heartbreaking news I am sure you’ll all agree.Want to get in touch with the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Let's improv, Pete. Do you want to improv? Improv? Yeah. What do you mean? It's improv, isn't it? I'm just trying to find someone's birthday that happens on the 1st of May,

but because of the internet, there's all these TikTok stars I've never heard of, and so I'm presuming it's Wes Anderson's birthday! There we go! Happy birthday, Wes Anderson! It's the Luke of Peach Shot. I'm Pete Donaldson, joined by Mr. Luke of May on the 1st of May.

Welcome to Pinch Punch First of the Month. Have you Pete Donaldson, joined by Mr. Luke Eamon on the 1st of May. Welcome, Pinch Punch, 1st of the month. Have you seen all of these guys and gals and people who are doing TikTok crazes about making your life look like a Wes Anderson movie? No, but I'm probably, if I had to come down on one side of the fence... No one's asking you to. I'm in favour of it. It's aesthetically a very interesting

pleasing it is very pleasing I would say that a lot of them I don't think I've ever seen a Wes Anderson movie a lot of people

don't seem to be very good at it I don't know how many of them I've seen to be honest no I think I've seen in the earlier ones I think I've seen

every one in recent when was the last one I saw was it the one in France was it the one set in France the French Dispatch yeah the French Dispatch I think was the last one you are? Was it the one in France? Was it the one set in France? The French Dispatch, yeah.

The French Dispatch, I think, was the last one I saw. You are right in the Venn diagram. Soy Boy, Wes Anderson stuff. Even for me, the last couple have been Slow Watchers. Isle of Dogs was good. I haven't seen that either. I've seen Rushmore. I've seen the Royal Tenenbaums. I've seen the Life Aquatic with Steve Zizou.

I've seen themore. I've seen the Royal Tenenbaums. I've seen the Life Aquatic with Steve Zizou. I've seen the Darjeeling Limited. And then I think he and me and Mr. Anderson part ways. Right, okay. No, not intentionally. No. No problem with him. Just hasn't really floated my boat. It's when you see the act and you're like,

right, how many acts? I need to know. We're in the fourth act now. I need to know how many acts there are, to be honest. Time is money, baby. How many of the same Bill Murray performances do I need in my life? The answer might be eight or nine, because he's very good. But I don't know if my obsession with Bill Murray goes to the length

or the level that it does to a lot of other people. Yeah. He got in trouble, didn't he, old Murray? The film that... Yeah, and he seems to have come out of that absolutely fine. Sm of other people. Yeah. He got in trouble, didn't he, old Murray? The film that... Yeah, and he seems to have come out of that absolutely fine, smelling the roses. Yeah. I'll tell you who else is an interesting guy.

Here we go. Ezra Miller. Oh, right, yeah. A full... You do so many Ezra Miller content and I don't really look at it much. No, I don't. I sent you what you...

I sent you a clip of Mark Goldbridge, the Manchester United TikTok YouTuber guy who is, you know, very partridge and stuff, older than you think. How old is he? I think he's in his 40s, mid 40s,

he's cracking off for mid 40s, I think. He's our age? Yeah. Huh. Yeah. I thought he was about 30. Wild, isn't it?

Yeah. But he did some stand-up and... So what was the context for that? He's just on stage telling jokes. I can know, he's older than me! Well, he was on stage doing all this, and telling jokes and stuff, and it was absolutely atrocious,

and the people, his fan base, weren't laughing. He wasn't laughing. It was an absolute atrocious attempt at stand-up comedy, and then you replied, this is what you think atrocious attempt at stand-up comedy and then you replied this is what you think I would sound like doing stand-up comedy the Luke Mill half hour

I think you're very dismissive of my talent I'm not it's a constant thread throughout this entire show when people study this show in years to come they'll say a couple of things

they'll say Luke is constantly goading Pete Donaldson to doing and saying things he doesn't want to do which is fair enough and they're also saying

Pete is very dismissive of Luke's skills I mean I think you're dismissive yourself of your skills and I'm just a bystander

pointing and going look at that look at that man yeah so he it wasn't very good and so then I made the point that you think that if I was

if I was not to the point that Ezra Miller has performed some of these atrocious acts but like he's that kind of level of mad where you go yeah he's the sort who would start a cult you know what I mean and I sort of think that you think that

if I had that amount of money and I was in Hollywood I would go that amount of loopy yeah so I mean if you just look at his if you look at Ezra Miller's Wikipedia page, under controversies and legal issues, and I'll just read out some of the titles. Disorderly conduct.

Yes. Strangling incident. I mean, not with these hands. Hawaii arrest. That's a bit of you. Hawaii arrest. I think Hawaii is one of those kind of magical, kind of like like east-west kind of places that are just really interesting to me. I bet it's wild.

If someone looked at you, if someone said, one of these people has been arrested in Hawaii and they did like 15 people in a line up and you would just stand there as you are now, they would go, him. Him. It's him. But yeah, and yet he's still the Flash. What is the Flash? Is that Marvel?

Apparently, not sure. Sounds DC to me. But apparently there's also one, by the way, if these are horrific, I haven't bothered reading them.

Yeah, some of them are horrific. Okay, right, because one of them is just titled The Vermont Farm Incident. Again, a bit of you. Yeah.

I don't know about I think he allowed a baby to have a bullet in its mouth that's not what you need from a caregiver again I'm struggling to put some distance

between you both is all I'm saying but anyway I don't know if I've knowingly consumed an Ezra Miller product I watched the perks

of being a wallflower quite recently on holiday good little film and he's good in it he's a young Dumbledore as well in Fantastic Beasts

in which case I would have seen that but he's a man who's clearly indulged to the nth degree and he is

yeah he's obviously got mental issues but he's still in a big ticket film like The Flash right

I don't know what does The Flash do I presume he's fast I think big ticket film like The Flash. Right. I don't know what they, what does The Flash do? I presume he's fast. Yeah, I think so, yeah. Right. Is it, is it, but the thing is, Pete, isn't there like,

I'm not kind of making a statement here, I'm more starting the question. He is good at what he does. Right. He has mental health issues. Right. Which lead to these incidents. Right.

Should we be blaming him for those or are they of the nature that he should? I think they're of the nature that anybody else doing anything approaching that would find themselves unemployed or unemployable. Is this a precursor to you telling me something you've done?

The Vermont incident. Donaldson's Vermont incident. Speaking of all this, I have recently watched a Dungeons and Dragons movie. It's the Dungeons and Dragons ride. Honor Among Thieves. Is that the subtitle? Yeah.

You told me about this, and it sounds very much the lead is Chris Pine. That sounds... Probably the best Chris in Hollywood. He's better than Pratt, who I also quite like, but he's a bit weird. He's better than Evans, who's dull. There's no other Chris

who's better than him. Hemsworth's very good, but he's better than Hemsworth. Christian Bale does that count kind of I guess no one calls him Chris Bale though Chris Bale's just a

bloke who works in a petrol station down the road Chris Bale I thought Dungeons and Dragons Honour Among Thieves was excellent it's not a film review

podcast I'm not claiming it is but I just happened to watch it earlier in the week and I thought to myself even when I was watching it it's just got no happened to watch it earlier in the week and I thought to myself even when I was watching it it's just got no

right to be this good I only went because my wife I actually wanted to go Do you not think that you would watch a lot less fantasy drama if you weren't

partnered up with someone who really gets into it By far less do you mean none Would you have a stronger opinion about it? But it's, I mean, fundamentally, it's all good, isn't it?

I think it's the opposite. I think what's happened is that because I don't have, so I don't not have an interest in it. I've got a bit of a nerd culture side to me. So I've always watched, like, Star Wars. Did you ever read the Dragonlance Chronicles? I didn't, but I've read all the Game of Thrones books. A Song of Ice and Fire.

And I read a lot of Terry Pratchett as a kid. So I've got that in me. Yeah, it's great. And I think because I'm not that into it, I can be a bit more objective. So sometimes I'll watch a Marvel movie and I'll be thinking to myself, if it wasn't Marvel,

people would be saying this is a bit shit. It's really long. It's really fucking boring. The set pieces are all the same. But with Dungeons & Dragons, I thought to myself, this is like a Marvel movie in energy, obviously set in a fantasy world, which of course, Dungeons & Dragons as a world

is incredibly rich, so I get that. But it's also got none of the fucking boring bits in it. The pace is amazing. Yeah. And the dynamic between the people the main people is really really

kind of it just really works and the script is fucking sharp it's so sharp right it was really clever sharper than their swords

as sharp as their swords as sharp as their swords if I was writing for Total Film Magazine I'd say that but it's genuinely funny Chris Pine is very fucking good in it

like really good in it. Yeah, he's great. I liked him in that film with, yeah, Harry Styles, which I quite liked. Oh, don't worry, darling. All style over substance, but I like style.

I like, what's wrong with a bit of style? Is that what you'd put, if you were on a total film magazine, would you have said styles over substance? Style, yeah. No, I wouldn't, because I wouldn't have even made that connection.

Was Harry Styles bad in it? No, he was fine. Absolutely fine. Just, you know, No, I wouldn't, because I wouldn't have even made that connection. Was Harry Styles bad in it? No, he was fine. Absolutely fine. Just, you know, just... I think, obviously, the story of that was Styles' relationship with the director, and as so often happens in Hollywood, you know, female directors have a harder time

than anyone else to get anything fucking done and anything released. But it was, yeah, definitely a watchable film. Like, a really stylish little... Stylish little number. Will you go and watch Dungeons & Dragons? Only because I actually bought Dungeons & Dragons when I was in America for WrestleMania.

My partner said, Sarah said that I, the Sarah I have access to, said that she used to like Dungeons & Dragons, the cartoon. She used to fancy one of the characters in it. So there's a nice Easter egg in there as well. Nice little nod to them. Oh, is there? What, the little. She used to fancy one of the characters in it. So there's a nice Easter egg in it as well. Nice little nod to them. Oh, is there?

What, the little Patrick Stewart kind of wow. The original gang. The original gang. Are they? Yeah, they're in it. Does someone wear a

t-shirt with them on? No, they're in it. They're in it? Yeah. They're little characters? Yeah. What? A cartoon version?

You'll see. I won't. It's uni in it. Uni. Real life versions. I think like real live action versions. Oh. Nice, it's a great little Easter egg. Nice. Anyway, carry on versions. I think like real life action versions. Oh.

Nice, it's a great little Easter egg. Nice. Anyway, carry on. You bought a little figurine as a Dungeon Master. The Dungeon Master is a lovely little Easter egg. I've got a friend... Really funny looking

humpty dumpty guy in the cartoon, wasn't he? Yes, he was. I've got a friend who absolutely loved to disappear on a night out. Right. And we all called him

the Dungeon Master. Dungeon Master. So Sarah said that she fancied, fancied? Yeah. The fancied of Innocent, one of the characters from Dungeons and Dragons,

the cartoon. And I, there was a couple of figurines on sale and I think it was the, there was the funny one. There was a guy who was funny and she liked him, but the only ones that were on sale were the one with the,

the one with the bow and arrow and the little. That's Hank. Hank is the bow and arrow. Eric's the magician guy. Right. Diana is the acrobat. Yeah. Oh, sorry.

Eric's the cavalier. The cavalier's really frightened. Presto is the magician, isn't he? Yeah. Sheila is the thief, the young one. Bobby is a little kid barbarian. Uni is the unicorn. Then you've obviously got the dungeon master.

Is Uni in this one? I can't remember. I'd want to say no. But it's not. I bought the wrong figurine anyway. I got distracted by the Funko Pops. I had jet lag. I fucked it up.

Yeah, you are a big Funko Pop man as well. Do you remember that viral post of the kid who loses his virginity? It's on Reddit, I think. And he's talking about how he lost his virginity. And he's sharing the moment with his Funko Pops. And the whole time he was locking eyes with his Funko Pop, his favourite Funko Pop. And now he's never going to throw his Funko Pop away.

He basically doesn't mention the other party in the virginity losing situation at all. He's mentioned his Funko Pop. A wrong and never tells. A Funko Pop. I think if you were 20 years younger, 25 years younger, you'd be a big Funko Pop man.

I wouldn't. What I would have done is bought two, got bored, opened one of them. You're not supposed to open them. I presume not. I mean,

what is there to do with them for crying out loud? Wow. Piece of shit. Go that way, Fred. Find out. So you don't think you'll go and watch the movie then?

No. So uni's not in it? I can't remember. But it's not a major part of the plot. Right. Hugh Grant is the bad guy. Okay.

And he's fantastic. I'm enjoying his kind of lit years. If I were to make a kind of painful Dungeons and Dragons metaphor, I would say the three-sided dice

if you can have one of those probably can't can you pretend you can Paddington 2 The Gentleman and Dungeons and Dragons Hugh Grant plays

three different sides of a dice in all those movies and he's fantastic in all of them he's absolutely brilliant he's so watchable you can't have a three

one it's hard to work out I think the minimum would have to be four yeah for a pyramid yeah

I guess I don't think you can have three I'm not sure it's possible one two three can you this is Pythagoras' theorem

isn't it it really is this is absolutely right your bit's fucking straight do you remember when Piers Morgan embarrassed himself on that what did he say do you remember when Piers Morgan embarrassed himself on that? What did he say?

Do you remember when Piers Morgan had, he was on Good Morning Britain, I think, with Susanna Reid, and he was taking over dominating proceedings as per. Yeah. And I think he had some kind of glamour model on the show. Right, okay. And so he's obviously been a complete prick

and just assuming that she's thick. And so he starts asking her questions. Yeah. And he says, can you explain to me Pythagoras' theorem? She goes, no. And he goes, ha ha ha ha ha ha,

you must be not very clever. And then Susanna Reid, who's amazing, just said, well, can you, Piers? And he went, yeah. And he went, 3.142. Oh no!

She was like, that's pi. Ha ha! And he was like, oh yeah. What a piece. And then everyone clapped. And then everyone clapped. And then everyone clapped. You can get three-sided dice. I've just had a little Google,

but they're not in any way what you would call a dice. What can I see, one? It's a round circle that they've just squished three sides, basically, so you can sort of rotate them like that. Oh, it's interesting, though. It's interesting. From a mathematical point of view, that is interesting. It's not really mathematical, is it?

Someone's just squished three sides of a circle, that is interesting. It's not really mathematical. Someone's just squidged three sides of a circle, haven't they? I won't have it. I won't have it. I also... I used to be big into dice. I used to love seeing

really high numbered dice when I used to do role playing back in the day. What's the most... You used to do role playing? Tell me about that. I used to play the Ninja Turtles. Oh, come on.

But it was like before the cartoon, before basically you could become any mutant animal back in the day. So how did it work? I used to go to Myriad's

in Hartlepool. It was next door to Peak Computers. And my mate used to Dungeon Master. How old? I only did it a couple of times. They threw me out

for being too whimsical, let's say. How old are you? How old have I been? I was probably in probably crack around for for being too whimsical, let's say. How old were you? How old would I have been? I was probably in, probably cracker on for about 11, I reckon. How can you possibly be too whimsical for Dungeons & Dragons? I was being the class clown, I was being silly, and that's not really what the nerds at the time were into.

But I was an armadillo with a machine gun right and that's what the Ninja Turtles game was all about does the dungeon master he plans the

campaign because there's a pub near me that in the room upstairs I think once a week they do a dungeon and dragons thing

and they've had the game going for ages but does the dungeon master does he plan it out and then every

time you have a meet he then plans the next one out ahead of time kind of thing or has he got the whole thing planned out Imagine Master, does he plan it out, and then every time you have a meet, he then plans the next one out ahead of time, or has he got the whole thing planned out? I honestly don't know. You usually get a manual, like the rules and regs, and then you get another one of law, I think. I don't know.

I haven't played this since I was a kid. I mean, as complicated as you want it to be, it can be that complicated, or it can be that simple. Because I'm up for it. I'm up for it. It sounds really interesting. But then most people just have one pages. There's just like a one page thing. You make your character and you've got one page of the rules and what you've got to do and everything's just down to the Games Master.

Which, if you don't get on the Games Master, if you don't get on with how creative they are. Exactly. If you don't get on with the Games Master, I think you can kind of get into a bit of a hole where you just don't respect anything that's happening with the game. It's so down to the Games Master's charisma, creativity, clarity, all the Cs.

Sounds interesting. It's good. And then you get the 24-sided dice when you're playing. I don't think I had 24. You can get 100-sided dice. you're playing. I don't think I had 24. You can get 100-sided dice. It's insane. I actually read earlier that scientists have developed a 120-sided die

which has it's basically got a billion, billion times the number of atoms in the known universe possibility of evolving it possibility I like that which is crazy right that's a lot of fun

it's called a a disdiacus triacontahedron yeah sounds like it needs to be big fuck you now so imagine that Peter yeah

I'd love to do a little Dungeons and Dragons maybe what we should do is we should do a Luke and Pete show Dungeons and Dragons club and you can be the dungeon master

I reckon you'd be excellent but you would get bored very easily but you can stick with Dungeon Master I reckon you'd be excellent but you would get bored very easily but you can stick with it I'll be like everyone died you've got a 99 out of 100% chance that you're going to die now

roll a dice oh you died oh that's quite gutted pub pub let's go to the pub alright let's have a quick break when we come back

we haven't actually planned anything for this show so who knows what we'll do in the second half but I'm sure it'll be bloody exciting so we'll see you the actually planned anything for this show so who knows what we'll do in the in the second half but I'm sure it'll be bloody exciting so we'll see you the other side of this we're back

with the Luke and the Pete show how the diddly devil are you doing I'm doing good you still drinking enough water Peter I've not had some this morning I've found a

source of Swedish licorice in the stack office and I've mainly been getting most of my fluids from that just eating handfuls of licorice salted licorice as well salted licorice in the stack office and I've mainly been getting most of my fluids from that. Just eating handfuls of licorice. Salted licorice as well. Salted licorice.

That's going to dry me out, isn't it? Yeah, it's not going to work. More than your salt. I bit into a chocolate bar and Iced them to once. Right. And they had salted licorice in the middle.

Nice. I like it. Unacceptable. Unacceptable. What a nasty trick. But you seem to have worked out last time we chatted that drinking a load more water

has alleviated your quite serious heart problem. It does help. It makes you feel a lot better. I'm going to continue this. But it does mean you're constantly doing a whiddle. How are you getting on with your King Charles ear? Your King Charles ear?

I've not even started, to be honest. I thought you already had started it, and that was the problem. No, I've got the raw materials i just need to a draw prince charles b um make the ear king charles sorry king charles god we did a sports sports on show funny listen to it um did a show where we mentioned um it was called prince Charles is Coming. And within a week or two weeks, the Queen was dead. And so I had to replace something like 49 references

to the term Prince Charles to King Charles. It was, it was... Tedious. It was tedious. It was probably the best bit of production work I've ever done, but nobody noticed it. And that's why it was good in many ways.

I mean, if no one's picked up on a single edit there yeah and it would be impossible for me to listen objectively and not know yeah exactly because so it's sadly I can't experience that

for the first time yeah yeah yeah so is that the source of your annoyance and your ire towards King Charles and that's why you want to do the ear

yeah you want people to hit golf balls into his ear well he sort of had he sort of I found a golf club at the I was in the what do you call it? Not the skip, what's it called?

The refuge, recycling centre, the tip. I was down the tip yesterday. What were you doing down there? I peeled up the carpet in the front room. Why? Just piss, dog piss. Oh, really? Just dog piss everywhere.

Well, you couldn't clean it. You were like, that's it, no rug doctor can fix this. No rug doctor can fix this no rug doctor can fix this because you use a rug professor perhaps yes a rug professor so yeah so now I've just

pulled up the whole carpet and now he's just got it looks nice it fits in with the rest of the house so the floorboards underneath are nice floorboards underneath

are alright I think they could do with the varnishing but they'll do for now and I went down the tip and they just had all these golf clubs and I need a putter

for my Prince Charles golf putter crazy golf thing I'm going to make. So did you take it or not? No, because you can't take anything from the skip. They won't let you. That's mad, I think. It's mad, isn't it?

Because you need that. I need that. Surely. I'm going to go to a charity shop now and just buy a putter. The best source of recycling is to reuse. One man's trash is another man's treasure. Yeah. You should be able to take a putter. The best source of recycling is to reuse. Yeah.

One man's trash is another man's treasure. Yeah. You should be able to take a putter from that recycling centre. There's no fucking argument against it. There's a lovely belt sander as well. I was like,

I'll have that as well. You should not be taking a belt sander. No electronics. No. Yeah, they do say they're very big on if you are dropping off computers and stuff, wipe your hard drives.

I was like, you need to do more than wipe your hard drive. You need to sort of properly wipe it like three or four times. Oh, you than wipe your hard drive you need to sort of properly like wipe it like three or four times oh you owe me a hard drive

by the way did you bring it in I didn't you absolute dick sorry mate sorry I should have reminded you before

sorry yeah doesn't matter I actually put it in my pocket you should not be walking around with a fucking hard drive in your pocket

it's in the kitchen sorry so what was it like at the dump it's just great I love the dump oh you can't bring that hard drive in your pocket. It's in the kitchen, sorry. What was it like at the dump? It's just great. I love a dump. What was it like down the dump? What were the people who worked there like?

Were they good lads? They're all good lads. If I ever put something in the wrong place, they always tell me, and they're always really nice about it. I just like the constituent parts of our lives being separated into hardcore, rubble, metal, household. What's hardcore? Hardcore is just cement.

Hardcore pornography. There's a big skip full of pornography. That's how you show them once hit. Get it in the softcore bit. Yeah, just like every part of your life kind of separated back into the consistent parts. Like just a load of microwaves, a load of car batteries, a load of rubble,

a load of plaster. I love all that. I always find that if I go to the tip, there's one near us, a recycling centre, I suppose you've got to call it now. You have to book an appointment, which is annoying.

That's bullshit. Yeah, they started it with COVID and they just kept it on. Right. Which is, I don't want to be one of these kind of types who's like, oh, people have got lazy because of COVID. But that is a great example of how, yeah, you did that because of COVID.

Now, it worked fine before, so go back. Yeah. Because I don't want to be calling up saying in a week on Thursday, I need to come to the tip. If I'm like you, Pete. I'll pull my carpet up. Yeah, on a Saturday, if I decide I rather than really want to fucking chop the hedge up. Yeah.

I don't want to wait a week and a half to get an appointment at the tip it's a tip yeah right this place is a tip you shout when I go there

I sometimes like seeing 54 fridges yeah and you go fucking there's a lot of fridges in the world aren't there but it really hits home

what a wasteful society we are no one fixes a fridge I don't think you're allowed to now though are you because of the CFCs and stuff they use a certain chemical are. No one fixes a fridge. I don't think you're allowed to now, though, are you? Because of the CFCs and stuff.

It uses certain chemicals. You can't just dump a fridge. Can you not just fill it up with the fluid that needs to be filled up with? Again, the question... Let us fix our fridges. You asking that question means that, no, you should not be doing that.

But fridges are a poor example because you have to dispose of them in a certain way. I know what you mean. Same with microwaves, because of the radiation and stuff. I mean, it's only... A tell them in a certain way. I know what you mean. Same with microwaves, because of the radiation and stuff. I mean, it's only... A telly's a good example. It only radiates if you turn it on, doesn't it? You can't fix a TV these days, can you?

No. Because they're so thin, and back in the day, my dad used to fix them all the time. My dad used to get parts from work, come in and fix a telly. It's great stuff. Mad, isn't it? Can't do that now. Can't do it with cars either. No, and so I'm trying to sort of upgrade the car a little bit. And so I have,

I have this idea, you know, at some point, you know, our situation might change and I need a bigger car, right? Now you're talking. Is that because you saw my car and it was big?

It's, your car is a lovely long car. Yeah. It's like a hearse. What are you doing in there? Oh yeah, that's two birds with one stone. Bury me in it.

And so I was like, I'll get like a... I listened to John Robbins and Ellis James on Five Live. And, you know, and... Well, the better version of us. Better version of... I mean, to the nth degree. But, and everyone admits that. I don't actually like one of them.

Carry on. Which one? I can't remember. You can't remember? Well, one of them's a bit of a National Treasure remember you can't remember well one of them's a bit of a national treasure Welsh block and the other one's

a very anxiety ridden maniac the second one I like what he produces I think it'd be quite hard to produce let's say no but you

the thing is here's the thing I don't want to derail you too much I mean this sincerely you could be better than them no but you're not no and you know why you're not well I'm not because you don't want to derail you too much. I mean this sincerely. You could be better than them.

No. But you're not. No. And you know why you're not? Why I'm

not. Because you don't apply yourself. You don't apply yourself. No, they're

brilliant. It's a brilliant shot. I love it. But the anxiety-ridden one is obsessed with

keeping hold of his tax receipts ten years previous. And he worries about everything.

And he researches every last thing. Every purchase he purchases and he researches every last thing every purchase he purchases he researches for six months before he purchases

and he bought a Kia Sportage so I'm like I'll just get one of them because he's done all the hard work there don't do that so

and I said I'm looking at all these Kia Sportages fucking auto trader man like what what is that all about it's just there's just too many fucking cars. There are so many people listening to this right now

who are about to email in. In fact, they're probably on their email client right now saying, Do you want to buy my Kia Sportage? Don't buy one. And I showed that. I said, look, this is what I'm looking at for an upgrade on the old Fiat 500. It's a bit more room.

Just more room for carpet to take down the tip. She goes, it's not very cool, is it? I'm not buying to be cool. It's a functional thing. I want everybody to be cool. Are you not buying to be cool? Surely you are a little bit.

No. Kia Sportage. I don't think they're particularly cool. I can't even picture you pulling up to this car park in a Kia Sportage. In a Kia Sportage, right, yeah. But like, why nowadays, right,

you see a car that has, it's like an ex-work car or whatever, and it's got 150,000 miles on it, right? What do you mean an ex-work car? Like a rental, or whatever you call it. Not a rental, like a business car. Like the car you have on your business. The car you have on your business. If you're a businessman, you know a business car like a car you have the car you have on your business if you're a businessman you get given a car do you mean a salesman's car no a rep car well a rep

car just like uh like like a car that you get given a work car what is it when you get given a car a business car an employment car what is, but I don't want to tell you. A work car. Even a company car. A company car. Good stuff. And so it's driven quite a lot. And these cars are like 150,000 miles, right?

Yeah. The drop-off between 100,000 miles and 150,000 miles, they lose all of their value. Yeah. But they've got 150,000 miles, so surely they could do of their value. Yeah. But they've got 150,000 miles, so surely they could do 200. Are you being fucking serious right now? What do you mean?

I'm going to buy a one grand Rover. They would pass its MOT, didn't they? Still going, innit? They've been driven into the ground, mate. That's why. So I don't know anything about cars, but you... No. I know you fucking don't based on the last

few minutes so you're saying that the good so someone that you quite admire in this field has done a lot of research into

a car and they want to get a Kia Sportage right stop there that's a full stop of that sentence

right I don't agree with that but that's fine your takeaways are I should get a Kia Sportage

that has got as many miles per clock as possible. Yeah. And that's the conclusion you've come to. Do you want advice about sexual congress

from someone who's never had sex? Or has had minimal amounts of sex? It's a really good analogy. Yeah. It's a really good analogy. Or do you want a car that's managed 150,000 miles?

Do you want an 18-year-old Wayne Rooney playing for your team? Or a 35-year-old Wayne Rooney playing for your Who's all

fucked out? I don't think it works that way, Peter, but as I speak on behalf of the whole community, I think when I say I wish you all the

very best with it. Thank you. No, you don't, because that's not good content. That's what I was about to say. As ever with these

things, whatever happens, it's probably going to be great news for our. That's what I was about to say. As ever with these things, whatever happens, it's probably going to be great news for our listeners. The show wins. Yeah, exactly. Shall we square away the show with one quick email? I want this one from Luis. Is that the one you've got your eye on?

No, I just wanted an issue to be a bit licorice. Okay, fine. Yeah, I'll crack on. Luis has been in touch. He says, hello, Luke and Pete. I recently heard the episode where you guys slagged off Ron DeSantis. Ah. Do you have any opinion on Ron DeSantis, Pete, before I move on?

Yeah, he's a big old cunt, isn't he? He's not that big. He's tiny. Did you see the video of him the other day? I was like, I'm not a candidate yet. He was in Tokyo, wasn't he? That's proper jet lag lunacy. It's like a Batman villain.

He's like, I'm not a candidate yet. It's exactly like that. I was disappointed because I want him to announce and I want him to get the candidacy before everyone in the whole of the US outside of Florida knows what he's actually like. But anyway, Luis says, My name is Luis and I live in West Palm Beach, Florida.

I just so happen to live 10 minutes away from Mar-a-Lago, where, of course, Donald Trump resides, and 10 minutes away from where his personal plane is parked as well. Now, West Palm Beach, Florida, I think I'm right in saying, and you'll stop me if I can't say this, when I watched that horrific documentary about Jeffrey Epstein, I think he lived in West Palm Beach. I think it was based there.

I mean, I don't think saying that about Jeffrey Epstein is, you know, something legally that the lawyers would probably go after you for, whether he lived there or not. I've just checked. He did live in West Palm Beach. There you go. In a $25 million mansion. No.

Anyway, it's quite normal here to see former Trump supporters turned Ron DeSantis supporters fight and argue with Trump supporters on the streets and during rallies and protests. There are definitely more stories and sites that I could talk about if this piques your interest. All the best, love the pod, sincerely, Luis. Well, it does pique our interest, so please send us more information about that. I can totally believe that because I, of course, as a tourist, went to CPAC a couple of years

ago, and some of the people outside that were terrible. They didn't need a divided voter base, did they? It's great news for the normals, though. Absolute mess. Absolute mess of a Republican Party. It's great news for the rest of us normal people, though. It is, yeah. Let them fight over it.

I think so. Two underwhelming candidates. Two bald men voting over a comb. Do you mind just picking that one? I sneeze. Yeah, fine. Have you seen that American... Are you going to bless me or not?

Sorry? I'll bless you, sorry. Do you want a blessing from the literal Antichrist? I want everyone to take a moment who's listening to bless me. Thank you very much. Yeah, thank you.

Thank you very much. Do you thank you. Thank you very much. Do you see that guy, briefly before we go, that man, that American, well, he's a Syrian rep, reportedly, pretending to be a Scottish man

to avoid extradition. This is a strange story. It's good, don't it? And there's a podcast series that I've bookmarked to listen to about this, which is apparently really good. And the video you showed me earlier of him

was more than I ever could have hoped for. It's good. There's a bit where he kind of tries to stand up and throws his hands up and falls down. And he does it with the same air of me on a Wednesday morning when I got to put the bins out. Yeah.

I'm just like, ah, every Wednesday. Ah, ah. It's, I mean, it's an astonishing bit of footage and you know,

it will have been kicking around and by the time you listen to this but wow I've taken the bin out every single time ever since I've lived with my wife I think I must be up there she she says that she just physically cannot do it it makes her feel too sick okay yeah fair but I mean I mean bins are just generally by their very nature gross. I just said, look, sick, puke in the bin. There. There for you. Just open one of the black bags. If there's a chore he's doing that makes you be sick,

surely the bin is ideal for that. If it's a hoover, you're going to be there all day. So it seems like a perfect fit to me. To be puked down the tube. Let's make sure we share that video on our social because it is very funny

so basically the story is the guy he faked his own death yeah to reportedly it's been reported that he faked his own death to escape

prosecution for a rape yeah he was accused of in Utah I believe so rocked up in Scotland rocked up in Scotland then was hospitalised

through COVID. But then they found out so they found out who he was. He then claimed to be someone else and he's trying to fight extradition and they gave a farcical interview about this with a kind of fake English accent

and who was the woman with him? Like his wife? His new wife or something? I don't really know to be honest. He claimed that while in the hospital police tattooed him and tampered with his fingerprints to make him resemble the actual racist.

Racist? Rapist. Careful. And the tattoos were how he got caught, basically, because he had the exact same tattoos as, well, the person. It's not a great defence, is it? It's not, yeah. It's a weird thing to sort of, yeah. So he claims, sorry, just to make it clear,

he claims that while he was in a coma in hospital, nurses tattooed him. I think they probably had enough on with COVID, to be honest. Yeah. Stop getting distracted. Stop scribbling on our brave boys. On our brave boys. Unbelievable.

All right, let's get out of here, Peter. Wrap us up, please. I get to eat some more delicious licorice. I will see yous later. We'll be back on Thursday for Battery Brands. What? I beg your pardon? I'm stretching.

That was a little yawn. I'm stretching. And it was just as I was unfurling a packet of a twining sleep tea bag I had in my pocket. Yeah, that's what you used to control me. Yeah, exactly. It's like hypnotism.

Pavlovian response to a sleep tea bag. Watch the Dungeons and Dragons film, Peter, for next time because I really want you to see it. I'd like to know what you think about it. All right, then. I think you'll enjoy it. Ta-ta.

See you, guys. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack Production and part of the ACAST Creator Network.