The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 101: Tale as old as time

Episode Date: September 24, 2018

As we speed down the conversational highway past a century of Luke and Pete Shows, episode 101 is a chance to pull into the rhetorical lay-by and take some time to assess which things in the world our listeners truly hate. That's right, in a format that is in no way ripping off a previously popular TV show, Luke puts all our listeners' gripes to Pete and the pathologically strange man decides whether or not they're worthy of entry into Room 101.Expect 3G mobile reception, Bono, Caffe Nero, Zooey Deschanel and much, much more to make an appearance.To send in a gripe of your own, or indeed to get in touch for any other reason, it's: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

it's show 101 we're back we're alive and we're doing show 101 and it's another concept show luke i like to move it move it i like to like to move it, move it. You've gone from Rod Stewart to this. I don't understand where that kind of went. I was indeed telling a story, an anecdote, if you will, about Rod Stewart. We are stealing. Bring it home, Pete. We are stealing. Bring it home, mate.

Oh, what a track. You stopping there, are you? You little tease. I saw him at the Isle of Wight Festival. He was doing that thing where he kicked boots footballs in the crowd yeah you told me he was drunk he was drunk well he seemed merry

bit rich he was very rich listen you were supposed to be working as well young man that's a good point actually I was drinking quite heavily the story I was going to tell is

it's a horrendous Alan Partridge top anecdote all right needless to say I had the last laugh although I didn't to be fair I was on a show and someone who was

hosting the show said oh they can't wait to go and see Rod Stewart tonight at Wembley Arena or whatever even if you really like a band

yeah like have you ever said I can't wait to go on maybe the Japandroids for you but I can't think of a band that I'd go

I really can't wait to because live music let's face it is you're in a big room with other people which is a nightmare yeah uh i mean thanks for that delightful sort of trip inside your psyche so take so that they take that is your master is your question pete do other people get excited about things because the answer is yes i think they do yeah i guess and, and the guy involved was a bit older, so he's just excited just to get out there. Anyway, so he's talking about... He was sailing on a crest of...

Of a Rod Stewart wave. Of a Rod Stewart wave. And he said, I can't wait to go and see blah, blah, blah. And no word of a lie, not half an hour later, Rod Stewart himself calls up the show and says, can't wait to see you. Come down. I'll send you a car and all the rest of it.

Amazing. The problem is the difference between the promises a rock star makes or pop star, translating that into real world action is actually quite difficult. I was in Lisbon and Biffy Clare were playing. I was chatting to them about them playing Lisbon. I said, I'm going to be in Lisbon.

I might come and see you. He goes, oh yeah, give the two of you your email address and like I'm just like can I just give us your number yeah Simon

you ain't that you ain't all that he's the most handsome man in rock in my opinion he's they are the loveliest men the loveliest men and he is all that

yeah with the top off and that beard man I liked it when he went bring it home bring it home to me it was that fellow who sang that song with Dolly Parton, Islands in the Stream.

Kenny Rogers. Yeah, it's one of them. When he bleaches both his beard and hair, he looks a bit like Kenny Rogers. Yeah, he does a bit, yeah. But he bleaches it blonde, doesn't he? Yeah. Yeah, he looks great.

I think he looks great. I can't remember what I was originally going to say. I was just issuing a live music takedown yeah this is literally the only way that um bands can make money nowadays is live and i'm going no revenue stream closed stop doing it ban it stop doing it um we will get onto the main crux of the show in a minute and explain it it's not difficult but we do, again, you know you just said about there's a limit to what they can offer and all that stuff.

I always thought from the age of about, I think a penny dropped for me when I was about 16. Right. Where you go from being a child and you think, wouldn't it be amazing

to meet a football player you like or a band or a singer and take it to its natural extreme wouldn't it be amazing as a 14 year old kid you're thinking

to meet Michael Jackson right it's 1994 1995 you think do you know what meeting Michael Jackson would be amazing

but when I hit about 16 the penny dropped and I thought I've got nothing to say to him it's going to be really awkward it's going to be like nice to meet you thanks

probably not even back then not even a photo because no one had a camera that's it nothing else what are we going to talk like nice to meet you thanks probably not even back then not even a photo because no one had a camera that's it nothing else what are we going

to talk about I don't know how because again I've interviewed a lot of celebs and stuff I've never sort of thought

I've thought we could get on in another world but I've never thought I want to extend it because I've known hosts who have become friends

and celebrities quite famous female actors what's your next question sorry you've got one question left in another world we could get on get it on jennifer lopez but no and it's one of the things where you're like i've got close to i was like i reckon we get on orange i've seen them out of out of the um auspices of an interview or anything like that and i've sort of got on with them and stuff but there's only a few it's a bit of a chat and then it's like i find small talk quite difficult at the best time so converting that into hanging out with miles kane yeah he's

miserable though tom odell no they're both lovely both really really lovely full of them full of vim and vigor on that type of thing because I would have been in a situation before more than a couple of times where I've met people like that occasionally and I think our problem individually is that you're too awkward

and I try too hard so you'll be awkward and I'll be like all of a sudden automatically I want to be their best friend and that makes them weirded out and so neither of us

are successful in becoming friends with famous people because it doesn't really work I'm too standoffish you're too standonish yeah we're a great combo

we should be a detective pair of detectives you'll stand off and I'll go straight in there I know you fucking did it and you'll go no you didn't do it I saw a brilliant picture

of oh god is it Kane the wrestler who became a became a, he's the mayor of something county in Kentucky, I think, somewhere like that.

And he was hanging out with Goldust. Goldust popped round. And Goldust usually wears like a big pink, big gold-like suit. Is Goldust Dustin Rhodes? Yeah. Okay, yeah. Yeah, Dusty Rhodes' son. Part of the Rhodes dynasty. And he popped round to see Cain

and he's wearing like a three-piece suit and they look so much like detectives. Cool detectives. Wonderful. I would love to be a detective but I'd love to go straight to that position. Yeah, not have to do any of the hard work. No.

Because you can't just start as a detective. You've got to start as like a beat cop, don't you? If I went in for a police... If I know Brooklyn Nine-Nine. If I went in for a police interview, I know Brooklyn Nine-Nine. If I went in for a police interview, I would be... I'm not doing transport. I'm not doing on the beat.

Yeah. I'm not doing community outreach. I want all the hardest murder cases that haven't been solved. Give me cold cases to track away and I'll be excellent at them. I've had no training, but I have read a bit of...

Yeah, I've read a couple of Rebus novels. I've read The Wire. Yeah, I've seen Columbo. I have read a bit of, I've read a couple of Rebus novels. I've read The Wire. Yeah, I've seen Columbo. Everyone thinks that, don't they? It's like everyone thinks, I remember listening to an episode of Berkham's The Revisited, another show we make, of course, and one of them said something really funny,

which completely resonated with me, is that when you're like a 16-year-old or whatever, and your friends have got dramatic problems, which seem like the most important thing in the world, because you're 15 or whatever, you always end up thinking to yourself, yeah, I think I'll be a really good therapist. Because you think, oh, I'm a really good listener.

But ultimately, you're not. You just sat there waiting for your turn to speak and tell about your problems. Very much like this show. Sophie's upset with Paul. Who are they? I'm just giving you a metaphor. I'm giving you an example of what the problems you might solve

if you were an eight-year-old. I used to work with a girl called Sophie in a call centre. And she was one of those people who didn't have the widest vocabulary. I know you're people in glass houses and all that, but genuinely her vocabulary was very limited. And the way the job went was you'd sit in a call centre with an earpiece.

Right. And it was an incoming call centre. Yeah. So you had no choice about whether you took the call or not. It just came through. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you'd get a ding, ding

in your ear and then the customer would be there. Yeah. And it was for a bank and so the bank customer would be there. It was awful because you're always on tenterhooks. Yeah.

It's so stressful because you might... You just never, you never know when a call's going to come inhooks it's so stressful you never know when a call's going to come in it's like waiting for a bullet to be fired at you

don't like it anyway and this girl Sophie an admin bullet she had like you know when people have no vocabulary

so they sort of over emphasize words and extend them that don't actually exist and you see footballers do it quite a lot and it's not a criticism it's just an observation

I've forgotten more words than I've learned. Yeah, I'm sure. Dreadful. That makes it sound really arrogant, but I find it troubling. I can't do my job because I forget words all the time. But you can't forget more words than you learn because then you'd be in a negative word situation.

Yeah. I feel like that some days. I feel like that some days. Anyway, this Sophie girl used to sit behind me. And so the call would come through and you go hello and you have to say hello inquiries

and concerns is what you have to say or ENC or something like that and you go hello Luke speaking whatever what's your problem

I've had a check it's been filled out wrong and fine I'll have a look into it type in the account number and hopefully solve the problem or refer it

so you would just say hello inquiries and concerns Luke speaking and the girl behind Sophie, she would, every single call, she would go,

hello there. Hello there. So I'm understanding there that you, like that. And that sounds funny, right? And looking back on it,

it is funny, but at the time, it's awful. It just makes the call longer. You had to, you got clocked on how long you were spending away from your phone in the toilet and stuff.

Right. It was a joke. Probably can't even do it now. You probably can't get away with it these days. Mate, have you seen bloody Sports Direct and all that? People rather... Amazon, people rather soil... Who was talking about Sports Direct?

People would rather soil themselves than go to the toilet because they get docked and all that shit. I've seen you do that. Well... Right. I like it, tis why. We should get on to this, docked and all that shit. I've seen you do that. Right. I like it, tis why. We should get on to this, right? This is episode 101. So I text you last night saying what we should do for this episode 101

is do like a room 101 thing with our listeners. So you send us in stuff that you don't like, and then I'll read it out and Pete can decide whether it goes into room 101 or not. We've basically ripped off an idea. Yeah. But then the people who ripped off the TV show idea ripped it off from Orwell anyway, so it doesn't matter.

Exactly. So basically, people have come to us saying, I don't like this. You're going to give me them off the hoof and I'm going to decide with a thumbs up or a thumbs down. Thumbs down, it's gone into the room 101. Thumbs up, you're not having it. You should probably just say it because otherwise people

are going to know about it I think you should be the moral arbiter of the universe yeah I mean that is troubling isn't it that very idea should be in there the arc of the moral universe is long people

it does bend towards justice as the great Dr King said so we'll do that and when I suggested this to you last night on WhatsApp because we don't do any prep no said let's do this Room 101 idea.

You replied straight away saying, you're going in, cunt. So I know, but no one is... It's not how I said it. I said, you're going in, cunt. Yes. Okay. Yeah.

But no one suggested me. And hello to all the children listening. In the back of the car. No one suggested me, so that's not helpful. You little cunt. So shall we get into this? Shall we get straight into it?

Get into it. Fuck them up. You got like a little jingy or something? Room 101 jingle? Let's take an ad break. We'll be back. Bye. So the first step is to find the right position for you.

Put your hands down and lower your chest to the ground. Just do that and pretend that you're holding poop in, and it should sound a lot like this. A young Elijah Wood there. It's the crunching that really makes me laugh. Yeah, the crisps. He's eating crisps to, you know, make his pumps stronger. Speed up the process.

Yeah, speed up the process. That's one of the lesser-known extras on the Lord of the Rings DVD, that. Right, okay, so as promised before the break, we're going to do a little Room Lord of the Rings DVD. Right. Okay. So as promised before the break, we're going to do a little Room 101 special for episode 101. Yeah.

People will already be devastated that I'm back after not being shot in the head last week. Oh, yeah. A rare bit of production from the look of Pete Shaw. Yeah, the only ideas

you ever have are involving hurting me in some way. Sounds about right. All right, here we go. What have we got? This one's from Drew. Okay. He says, he's got two. I'll let him have two. All right, here we go. What have we got? This one's from Drew. Okay, he says,

he's got two. I'll let him have two. He says, I'll keep these short and sweet as writing about them for too long will wind me up. He's really tapped into people's lives.

Getting upset. Yeah. Number one, stripped back, made for John Lewis, covers of once decent songs by breathy songstresses. Where have these come from?

They're everywhere. Emotional scene in the film? Check. Cut scene from X Factorstresses. Where have these come from? They're everywhere. Emotional scene in the film? Check. Cut scene from X Factor? Check. Lloyd's TSB ad? Check. Use the original

or pick a ballad? Yeah, I think that we are over the hump on that one. So you think that's too par-say? I think we've all had the worst.

Yeah, we all got annoyed about it. We found them enchanting at first. I thought that's an interesting use of a Morrissey track. Two or three, maybe. Yeah, we all got annoyed about it. We found them enchanting at first. That's an interesting use of a Morrissey track. The first two or three, maybe. Yeah, we're really good.

Please let me get what I want. That's a good one. That keen one can go fuck itself. Which one's that? Somewhere Only We Know. That's already a bad one. I don't know why they're redoing that. Yeah, it is.

It's a bit twee. I think I would bind them up together Yeah, it is. It's a bit twee. It's a bit... I think I would kind of bind them up together with people who do songs on the ukulele. Okay, yeah. Who's that woman with the fringe? That's... Joyeux Chanel.

Oh, yes, yes. Her kind of breathy covers, slightly. She's got quite a deep singing voice, but her little cover she does on a ukulele she got bangs she got bangs yeah um yeah but are you putting this in or not no then it's not getting in because we're over the worst of it i did it will go straight to um i think songs by like roy alberson and stuff i think we'll start using things like i played a video game recently that used the song only you oh yeah to wonderful effect it was in it's a game set in um west virginia i think uh and it's a game

all about religious uh fundamentalists trying to start a cult basically what's it called far cry five is the fifth far cry game um and some of the music in that, the way they've used it, this kind of rootsy kind of gospel music they've created themselves, but also the use of some licensed stuff as well. The sound design is on that game. It's something else. And I recommend playing it just for that, really. Sounds decent. Only you.

You can't disrespect the big O. No. You can't disrespect the big O. So, sorry, Drew, that first one's not going in. I'll give you this second one though because I quite enjoy this one number two all these live action remakes of old Disney cartoons

why? just show your kids the originals I don't give a toss about a CGI Baloo yeah with the caveat that I love the Aladdin theatre show I've seen it I actually went to see it

and I enjoyed it yeah again a lot of films nowadays I'll have that because a lot of films nowadays, I'll have that because a lot of films nowadays are just nostalgia doses for the parents, really. You've got the Mary Poppins film

coming out soon. It's for the parents who watched it back in the day or remember watching it at Christmas. That's why there's films like The A-Team. That's why there's films like The Ghostbuster,

the new Ghostbuster film that everyone got upset about. Popular with the incels, that one. Popular with the incels. They one? Popular with the incels. They're really now the incel demographic. Oh, Jesus, just such toilet. I sent that video around of that stupid frigate. I haven't watched it yet.

Basically, it's just a lot of incel right-wing lads who are like 22, 23. They've managed to hire this boat because they want to defend Europe from Libyan immigrants, basically. And so the NGOs off the coast of Libya are saving people who are in, you know, rickety old rafts and stuff, who are literally, let's not forget, going to die in the sea, saving these poor people.

And they've made that decision to go in the sea. So how bad was their life before? Yeah, exactly. And, you know, it's an argument as old as time. But this ship full of... Shell as old as time. Well, come on to that in a minute, actually. Beauty and the Beast. I've got a good hang down about Beauty and the Beast.

Carry on. Hello. And, yeah, so these disgusting little virgins have managed to... Again, a bit rich. Get themselves a boat. And they're sailing to the coast of Libya to basically disrupt the rescue of dying people.

Yeah. Because they think they're protecting Europe from immigrants. And the video... Oh, I can't stop watching this. There's this little set of videos that they've set up. What do you think the cabin on that boat smells like I went for

grape flavoured vape juice and cum just these little virgin boys having to just wanking themselves into oblivion

and vomiting because they're not used to being outside their bedrooms and now their bedrooms rotating and they've got their little laptops

some of the shots of the cabins oh god I never used the word it needed a woman's touch book fuck me it's a very The bed was rotating and they got their little laptops. Some of the shots of the cabins. Oh, God. I never used the word it needed a woman's touch book. Fuck me. It's a very old school thing to say about these little virgin boys with their dirty little cabins. Can I just say...

If you want to live on a boat, join the fucking Navy, you absolute deviants. Did you say that their boat broke? Yeah, and then their engine shut down and they panicked and they had a call-a-course card. That's great. Ha-ha, bell-ends.

That's brilliant. I don't know how we got onto that. It doesn't matter. Beauty and the Beast, as promised. Well, actually, the reason that's relevant is because Drew rightly says that Emma Watson was, of course, in the remake of Beauty and the Beast.

So that does fall into this category. Yes. We'll get your decision in a minute. But no word of a lie this last week I went to so my wife's American as you know

and she loves going to afternoon tea at hotels it's like a thing it's quite a British thing so I was going for a stack of

bloody pancakes yeah exactly she loves that shooting a gun into a person yeah into a person that British thing she loves that sort of vibe I very much like the yeah into a person that um that british thing

she loves that sort of vibe i very much like that eat as many sandwiches and cakes as you can vibe yeah and drink uh champagne yeah or gin whatever so anyway we went to one last week right and it was a beauty and the beast themed one oh wow i know which let which if you think about it lends itself really well to it because the man always have to be the beast well no you don't actually have to be anything all right it's just everything can you be a gay french candlestick they have they have lumiere on the table do you and cogsworth and everything screaming because he's on fire it's actually quite well done anyway the point being that we get there we sit down and it becomes pretty clear very quickly that everyone in that room is on more than nodding terms with

Beauty and the Beast. Right. Apart from the waiter. Oh, okay. Who has learned a few key stock phrases that he's been taught without actually knowing the film. And I'm not joking.

Be our guest. Yeah. Right. It's literally like that. Right. So we turn up. If you want to put our service to the test, do leave a trip advisor review.

What are you talking about, Steve? Can I just say say we sat down and we've got a Cogsworth on one side of the table this is specialist stuff you have to be

a big Disney fan to even know it's happening is there a teapot with a little crack yep all that chip the teacup he's all there

the waiter comes over Pete and guess what the first words he says to me and my wife is what does he say? So, have either of you seen the movie Beauty and the Beast?

Released in 1992. And at one point, so in one of the songs, that would be our guest song, he says, try the grey stuff, it's delicious. Don't believe me, ask the dishes. Because the dishes are all alive, right? And the guy just goes and you notice there

there's some grey mousse there because in the film he says try the grey stuff it's delicious the dishes I love immersive theatre I really wanted to go

no no sorry hang on a minute what's the line what's the line I don't know it can you tell but I just have it in me to do that

anyway that was quite an interesting experience that's fantastic he should do that like Blade Runner kind of secret cinema thing yeah really invest

he wasn't dressed up though which would have made it even better are you a reptile do you mean replicant yes it's just a film about secret lizards

yeah I love Tom Selleck Harrison Ford Harrison Ford anyway live remakes of old Disney cartoons you've got no beef about secret lizards. Yeah, I love Tom Selleck. Harrison Ford. Harrison Ford. Anyway, live remakes of old Disney cartoons. You've got no beef with these, presumably.

Yeah, it's alright, isn't it? I mean, it depends on how well they're done, doesn't it? Depends on how well they're done. That's going in either, Drew, sadly.

No, that's not going in either. No, it's fine. Sorry, mate. Thanks for sending your contributions in. What about this, then? Next up from Adam. Can I throw in tiny versions of old consoles?

The new PlayStation that's going to be out in December. You can do yours at the end. Okay. Yeah, you do. This is the listeners. I'm just saying it's similar to the nostalgia sort of thing. The nostalgia for... Because they're like shit at the moment.

They want to be kids again. Everyone wants to be kids. That's why everyone reads teenage fiction. That's why we all want to be children again because we don't want to deal with life yeah and you've been doing that

the whole time yeah I mean to be honest I've found a cheat code and I've been nobody's calling me on my shit you didn't even go through

that phase in your 20s or your 30s what about this from Adam on Twitter which is obviously at Luke and Pete show and of course if you do want to get in touch

with us about anything it's hello at lukeandpete show dot com Adam suggests people who hate cheese Which is obviously at Luke and Pete show. And of course, if you do want to get in touch with us about anything, it's hello at Luke and Pete show.com. Adam suggests people who hate cheese, but will happily eat pizza. I believe cheese, hating pizza eaters are the real issue here. Get them in one-on-one.

Now I've never experienced. No, I've never experienced this either, to be honest. So that's a no as well. Then I'm sorry about that, mate. You are getting a negative.

He doesn't like, but to be honest, the cheese that you have on a pizza is rather inert.'s not like it depends it's like chewy it's just chewy rennetty protein in it that pizza we had in naples wasn't in our cheese it wasn't good mozzarella but it was um it was a lot more sloppy it was a lot more sloppy than i expected so it's a lot more tomato lovely fresh tomatoes and basil very simple not as much cheese as you expect that's the thing about

proper Italian food never as much cheese as you get over here and that's why I don't like it as much apparently those pizzas in Naples took 45 seconds to cook

because they're so thin didn't fucking feel like it when we stood outside why would we wait that long for an hour and a half then I had to go get some cans anyway what about this

from Sam C hi chap Sam Cheese Sam Cheese sending this from Sam C hi chap Sam Cheese Sam Cheese sending this from Germany as I'm here for Oktoberfest therefore currently at a bar he's still emailing

I bloody hate people that act shocked borderline disgusted I think you're going to like this one who act shocked borderline disgusted when I haven't seen or heard of a certain film

or book apologies I've spent too much of my life watching the same nonsense over and over or spending my evenings lying on the sofa brain dead rather than reading a classic. Just to clarify, nothing against people who choose to do so

and educate themselves. Just don't bloody judge me for not doing it. Yeah, I'd have that. But that's just general dickheadery anyway, isn't it? Is Sam really looking to put his own insecurity into Room 101? Yeah, I guess we're putting Sam's insecurity into Room 101. Do we have to call it something different?

I don't know. Is it unofficial? Episode 101. Yeah. So that's going in, is it, Pete? That's going into Episode 101's Room 101. Can you sort of relate to that? Do you find that annoying as well?

No, I find the modern kind of problem is that people go, I've seen this on Netflix, and you go, no. And then people go, I've seen this on Netflix. And you go, no. And then you go, have you seen this on Netflix? Back at them. And they go, no. And it's just a constant, have you seen this on Netflix? No, no, no, no. Until the end.

And then you find something you've both watched. You've just described our friendship. Yeah, massively. Massively. I don't watch enough documentaries. I don't watch enough stuff on Netflix. I don't watch enough like I don't watch enough documentaries I don't watch enough kind of stuff on Netflix it's just I don't have

a girlfriend I don't have a girlfriend I don't have someone to sort of sit I have weird working hours anyway so like I'll only ever watch stuff

at like midnight anyway it's kind of like I don't sit down I don't have my tea I don't watch something I'll sit and eat my tea and I'll watch

like just random YouTube videos about people disassembling. Long eggs, people disassembling consumer electronics they bought from Wilkinson's. Just stuff like that, really. Begaclive.com. I'm taking apart a fly zapper.

I'm going to see if the batteries are lithium-ion. I've just had a quick sneak peek at your list there, and you've got girls, immigrants, Smelly guy. and girls making you eat vegetables. No, girls, immigrants and immigrant girls. Yeah. So those guys who fight off,

think they're doing the right thing by fighting off immigrants. Yeah. But they're also incels. What would they do if like a... A girl came on the ship. I don't know what they'd do. They would jump off the ship.

No, but an immigrant girl actually wanted to have sex know what they jump off they would jump off the ship no but an immigrant girl yeah actually wanted to have sex with one of them what would they do i imagine uh as usually is the case with uh with racists their morals have got the window morals got the window their penis has no conscience uh so yeah they don't have no moral uh moral walls when it comes to stuff like that whenever you sort of see like the most ardent fucking brexit kind of northern man always got a thai bride man, I always got a Thai bride, haven't I? I always got a Thai bride

in my arm. Thailand's not in the EU. No. Next up from Ross. What about, he's got a list here. I'll read out a couple of them. 3G.

Sorry? He wants to put 3G in there. Are we talking the... I think he means the mobile phone service. Oh, why 3G? I guess because it's slow and annoying.

3G is lightning quick compared to what I get in central London. If you ever try and use your bloody phone in central London, where there's a lot of people, a lot of tourists, all using their phone at the same time, it's a bandwidth issue and it's problematic. Okay, so you can't put 3G in there on that basis? Well, if you're going to put 3G in, you may as well put 4G. It's a bandwidth issue.

Actually, I sometimes drop my... Somebody recommended at the Wrestling Live show 3G and you may as well put 4G. It's a bandwidth issue. Actually, I sometimes drop my, somebody recommended at the Wrestling Live show that you drop your, if you're having trouble connecting or you're having a slow connection on 4G, drop it down to 3G because it's a capacity issue usually and

there's only enough bandwidth for certain amounts of people to be on the 4G service. Drop your phone down to 3G, and you might find your phone runs a little bit faster. I regret bringing that up. There we go. What about, another one of his suggestions is,

people who dislike Keanu Reeves. I mean, I think he's just basically saying, isn't Keanu Reeves cool? Isn't Jeff Goldblum cool? Yeah. I would put that in Room 101 more than anything else. Ross, he's flip-reversed it. Flip-reversed it, yeah.

No, because nobody says Keanu Reeves is a dick. He's clearly not a dick. He's gone through so much shit in his life. It's like disliking, I don't know, Kelsey Grammer. Isn't Kelsey... I thought you did dislike Kelsey Grammer because he's painfully right-wing

and you got annoyed about it once. Is he right-wing? Isn't he a Trump voter and you got pissed off about it? I don't think I got pissed off about it. I don't care about what happens over the pond. I remember you telling me that. Anyway.

Anyway. And one final one from Ross, who's got his arse handed to him here by you, Donaldson. It's unlikely to be so aggressive. It's a long email. Bono's sunglasses. High as half of Bono's face. Yeah, and also, I think Bono's probably a bit of fun.

Did I speak about that video where he... Yeah, it's brilliant. I think you talked about it on the show. I can't remember. I can't remember, yeah. It was at a gig in San Francisco. It was back in the day, back when they were first starting, I think.

They were about to sing a song, and he noticed Bono SF. Yeah. Or I Love You Bono SF. Yeah. And he thought it was Sinn Fein, SF yeah or I love I love you Bono SF yeah and he thought it was Sinn Féin and he launched it

in this big tirade about Sinn Féin I don't think dragging people out of their beds and murdering them in the name of freedom is very

what about you guys and everyone's going to and then he realises at the end that it actually was San Francisco oh dear but to be fair to Bono

he does press on he does press on no I think Bono's alright I think Bono's alright but it's the sunglasses thing though I think if you don't like Bono

wearing sunglasses indoors you don't like Lou Reed he's dead well he probably got buried in his sunglasses he probably did you wear sunglasses indoors

quite regularly I do anyway sorry Ross slim pickings there for you mate next up is Jay hi Luke and Pete my room 101 He probably got buried in his sunglasses, didn't he? He probably did. You wear sunglasses indoors quite regularly. I do. Anyway, sorry, Ross. Slim Pickens there for you, mate. Yeah, sorry, dude. Next up is Jay. Hi, Luke and Pete.

My Room 101 suggestion is my irrational hatred of food and beverages that are served at inedibly hot temperatures. Literally, what is the point of going to a restaurant, ordering, waiting for your food, getting your food, then staring at your plate for a further five minutes while it cools down? Why not just blow on it? I hear you cry. I i'm sorry but hyperventilating before each bite isn't how i enjoy my meal don't get me wrong i like things hot but when i want a coffee i want it now not in 20 minutes the 20 minutes after buying a cost of coffee is spent further hyperventilating blowing air at various angles into the sip hole at the world's shittest flute solo

while all the while juggling the searing crucible of hot lead masquerading as a thin cardboard cup as each of your hands finally reaches its heat threshold. Chill with the heat, please. Jay. Yeah, I'll have that, Jay. Costa seem to do it hotter than everyone else as well and maybe it's because of their cups.

Costa, what's the other big brand that isn't Starbucks? Pret? No, like big coffee brands. Oh, Cafe Nero. Cafe Nero. Cafe Nero do quite hot ones as well. But I think it's just the design of the cup. I think in Starbucks' case, I think they've got their cup,

kind of the cardboard ring rounder that you get. Okay. Yeah, there's no need for coffee to be that hot, is there? Really? No. Apparently, if it goes really... I mean, I don't drink coffee, but if it goes too hot, it burns the beans anyway.

Right. Apparently. And that can directly contribute to quite a bitter taste. It's a real bean burner. It's a bean burner indeed. Daniel Kitson did a big riff about baristas who over-fetishise coffee. Obviously, I'm on board with that.

But he sort of went... People sort of say, you shouldn't put milk in coffee. And you certainly shouldn't put milk in coffee. And you shouldn't put, certainly shouldn't put sugar in coffee. And he said, he was buying a cup of coffee. And the guy went, do you want milk? And he goes, no, I'm all right. And he goes, good boy.

And he went, give me all the milk you have. I want a torrent of milk in that cup. I want all the milk from every cow who ever lived on this planet. Fuck you. Yeah. Wonderful. That reminds me of that scene in Gangs of New York. You all right?

This cough, man. I've had it for weeks. Because usually when you guys have a cough, I always go, oh, come on, you're milking it. But I genuinely can't breathe. In the scene in Gangs of New York with Daniel Day-Lewis and Leonardo DiCaprio,

Build a Butcher and whatever the DiCaprio build a butcher and whatever DiCaprio's character is called I can't remember where they arrange a fight and they start talking about the parameters for the fight

and Daniel Day-Lewis says what do you want to do or whatever and he goes do you want he goes fists he goes yeah he goes knives

he goes yeah he goes guns and DiCaprio goes no and he goes good boy lovely yeah that's what that reminds me of. Although not as dramatic.

Okay, well, I think we've got time to squeeze one more email in. People aren't getting much favour back from you here, mate. No. We should extend this to a room. We should do a show one or two. All right, I'm up for it. And extend it. Coffee.

Hot coffee's in. Okay. Hot coffee. But the hot coffee mod from the Grand Theft Auto game is not in. Okay, don't know what that means. Because it's sexy. Sam Cheese putting his own insecurity in Room 101. That's going in there.

Other than that, it's pretty slim pickings. What have we got here? Yes. William wants to put Secret Santas in Room 101. He says, I don't feel like I need to elaborate. What's wrong with Secret Santa? I get annoyed when it's only five quid. It's like, what can you get for five quid nowadays?

It's just going to be a bit of a tat. If it's 20 quid, all right, that's a bit pricey. It's a bit punchy at a time where no one's got any cash. But at least you get something back that's worth a bit of a dollar. So you're fine with Secret Santa, right? I'm fine with Secret Santa as long as it's 20. But then it is a little bit annoying that,

yeah, actually no, it's going in because I get really anxious that I can't thank the person who got me the present in person. I thought that might tap,

the reason I selected that was I thought it might tap into one of your foibles. Yeah. I'm pleased that I was right there. I'm a, you know, a bit of a pleaser.

I get very paranoid that people don't like me. All right, Phil, we know that. Finally, from Damien, when the huge fucking ream of toilet roll spins around and around in the dispenser in a public toilet and you can't find the end of the roll, that really annoys the shit out of me.

In the office we're in now, the toilet down there is like that. Right. I only use the disabled loo and they basically just hang the toilet roll. You shouldn't be doing that. They just hang the toilet roll on the't be doing that they just hang the toilet roll on the wheelchair

accessible you've made an assessment of everyone's disabilities in the building I've been decided there's no one in there so you can use it whenever you want

I've never I'm sure there are but I've just never seen have any of your many ailments got a disability count as disabilities probably yeah severe asthma

Crohn's disease IBS memory I don't really know where my memory starts and a genuine mental illness begins to be honest could i put um in room 101 before we finish up can i just suggest um i want to put in room 101 those stories that you say that are absolutely ridiculous you insist blind that they're true yeah i love that like um the guy with the grabber and the curtain the shower curtain in the hotel room.

It's just the most ridiculous story. I can't remember what episode it is, but go back and listen to it if you can find it. One of my favourite stories. It is, but you insisted that it was true. It is true. There's no physical way it could possibly be true. Let's get out of here. Can we do this again next show?

I really enjoyed this. All right, I'll try and find some more. I like being the moral arbiter for everyone. I thought you might. All right, that's enough for this week. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com to send some more suggestions in. Maybe we'll just make the show this every week from now on.

And we'll see you on Thursday. All right. Bye.