The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 102: Jimmy White's brother

Episode Date: September 27, 2018

Welcome back! Pete decides that there wasn't quite enough complaining last time round for his rather dour tastes and so we revisit Room 101 (which I suppose for the purposes of this episode will have to be referred to as Room 102), including airport behaviour, lion poo, the downing of spirits and horrendous punk roustabout GG Allin.Elsewhere, there's Pete getting fed with tongs (again), and two frankly remarkable tales about crisps and Jimmy White's brother (separately).Join us and instantly be one of the cool kids: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, it's episode 102. So once again, we're going to be doing Room 102 from the famous book. Oh, can you tell we're just following this straight up from the last one we've just done? Yeah. You're going to have to wait three days, but we're not fucking waiting three days to record it. Fuck no. No. God damn it.

We're too busy. I'm off to Zimbabwe next week. Yeah. You are. That's Pete Donaldson. I'm Luke Moore, of course. This is the Luke and Pete show. For those of you who are new, there's nothing to worry about.

Come in. Make yourself comfortable. Loads of things to worry about. Feel safe. Volcanoes. Sharks. And listen to Pete talk about Zimbabwe. Shit.

Pete, the floor is yours. I'm on Zimbabwe. They weren't going to do it because of the political situation out there. Now they are going to do it. It's an extension of the Kenya thing I did last year with Practical Action. Great charity.

Want to do it. But there is a lot of cholera at the moment. There's a cholera outbreak in Harare and a couple of the members of the charity I think have been struck down with cholera. And my holiday is a week after that, and I don't want to get cholera. No. And I'll say to the listeners listening now what I said in the meeting when we were there about your trip.

I said, I want expenses. Business class. He wants expenses. I want business class Johannesburg at least. Yeah. Yeah. That's a long leg, that. That's 11 hours.

We've done that leg together, Donaldson. It didn't feel like 11 hours because I think I was pissed. And I think you were quite pissed as well. I was pissed on the way there. Horrendous. Yeah. Absolutely horrendous. Our friend should not have been driving, let's say.

Well, you can say that any week about it. Lovely. I'm only kidding. Room 102. Not Room 102. You got me doing it now, Episode 102. Do you want to apologise for your cough? In between shows, Luke did do what they used to call physio

when I was a young asthmatic. Now I'm an old asthmatic. We'll put it at the end so people can hear it, because we did that as a warm-up. I think I had a chest infection, but I just didn't really do anything with it. And a month later, I'm still coughing like a bright good'un. So two episodes ago, you shot me dead in your dreams.

And the listeners got to enjoy that, and I'm sure they did enjoy it. Only in dreams. And that started off a run of fairly poor luck for me. I've got this situation now in my garden. So I've bored people on the show recently about this idea that I've had my- A tree surgeon. Yeah, so I had the tree surgeon come

and sort that big tree out and then I had the garden landscapes. Right. So it's all done. I don't know if you ever get to this situation, but when you do stuff with the house or with something like that, the money you have to pay

to get something done gets quite big so then when little things come along which i say like a few hundred quid you think oh it's like buying a house right someone says right you buy the house for this amount of money it's hundreds of thousands of pounds and they say the seller says yeah you can have that outdoor storage unit in the garden but that's gonna cost you another 300 quid right and you're like pile it on. I'm spending hundreds of thousands, I don't care. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me what you want.

If someone asked you to do that straight out of the back, you'd be like, oh, get lost. Yeah, exactly. If you come up to me now and say, give me 300 quid,

I'm saying, what do you need it for? If I'm already... You wouldn't give me 300 quid to get out of a hole. Yeah, I would, but if I'm already giving you half a million,

I probably wouldn't care about the 300 quid on the end. That's what I'm getting at. Right. Garden gets landscaped, it looks lovely. The gardener, who was fantastic, said, do you know what? For a about the 300 quid on the end that's what i'm getting at right garden gets landscaped it looks lovely the gardener who was fantastic said you know what for a few hundred extra quid we can put some nice night lighting in your garden yeah so when it gets dark in the evening you can flick the lights on you stay out there a bit longer yeah i said you know

what i'll have a bit of that that sounds fine um we're already paying x amount of money that's not really gonna make much difference so um we get it fitted looks amazing go out there for the first night have a bit of dinner out there mimi and i enjoy instant electrocution yeah uh their garden is not sparkies it starts right it starts raining the whole garden turns into like super ghouls and ghosts but you can't touch the ground and anyway um no what happens pete that very first night no word of a lie a fox bites through every single cable wow so the x amount of money that it cost to make the lights in there gone so hang on they've just bitten through all the cables why like dug them all out from under the flower beds yeah and bitten through them all they and you didn't have any dead foxes they would just chew it no because they weren't turn night time.

It was in the middle of the night. They would still... Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay, that's annoying. And the gardener said to me, when he fitted them, he said, don't worry,

the cables are armoured so they won't get bitten through. I said, okay, fine. I rang him, sent him a photo. He was like, that's never happened before. And to be fair to him, he said he's going to come out and refit them for free

and make sure the cables are properly done and all this other stuff. And I just wondered if this was retribution for me taking a photo of that fox getting decapitated by a train. Yeah, he's decapitating your ability to stay out a little bit longer. The last week or so,

I've done everything in my power to deter the fox from coming to the garden and nothing has worked. No. I've done the fox repellent. Yeah. I've done the fox scent. Yeah. That tricks it into thinking

there's another fox around none of it works is it lion poo or tiger poo where am I getting that from the zoo you've got the zoo and they give you a bag

true fact now you're talking because they're like big animals aren't they I'm making a note of that or it might be just cats they get rid of I can't remember

either way it's big animals that's the problem I've got two cats Magnus and Hercules and I can't jeopardise them way, it's big animals. That's the problem. I've got two cats, Magnus and Hercules, and I can't jeopardise them. No. They should be fighting the thing off, but they're not.

They're ignoring it. That's annoying. Anyway, that's what's been flying in my boat. What have you been up to, Peter, before we get into the Room 101 section of the show? Which, by the way, I haven't got much material left for. Not a lot, really. I've been recording it a few days.

Hence, I've done a Brawn Japan podcast today. I'm doing a Luke and Paige show, doing a ramble. Then I've got to do the red carpet at the Mercury's. So I've got my suit and my bag. Oh, you're doing the red carpet at the Mercury's, are you? Yeah. That's interesting. Normally you get the rubbish music ones, don't you?

Yeah, but it'll just be like every other kind of show, like the Brits, but it'll just be people who think they're better than an award show. Why do they need to deliberate on the day? On the Mercury, they deliberate for hours

and hours and hours on the day. Why do they need to do that? It's mad. It's all a bit of a big conceit, isn't it? I think so. I don't think it's necessary, really.

I don't think it's also necessary to give awards to music, either. No, I think it is because I need to know the one album I listen to every year, which think it is because I need to know the one album I listen to every year. Which one it should be. Yeah.

These are the ten albums I've listened to. Ronnie Size Represents. Gomez. Who else has won one? PJ Harvey twice. M People. They won it.

They beat Pulp, didn't they? Yeah. It's Ronnie Size Represent, not Represents. I thought it was a Z at the end. No, it's a Z in the middle. There's no S in the Z at the end.

What? Ronnie Size Represent, yeah. Alright. There we go. I mean, either way no it's a Z in the middle there's no S at the end what I don't know if it says represent alright there we go I mean either way it's the kiss of death for any career

so don't worry about it true true that true say Primal Scream did they win the first one they might have done they might have been involved

yeah I don't like Primal Scream you can tell us all about that next week that'll be fun alright so what are we going to do here do you want me to do some

I've got some regular emails we can do I want to do some room 101s because I really enjoyed last week. I like people having a whinge, even though I've resigned myself to... Basically, Twitter and all the social medias are just people complaining about things.

So I would like to put people complaining about things in room 101, the concept. We live a pretty cushy life. If you've got access to Twitter to tweet about how angry you are about, I don't know, the trains or the tubes, you're already in a pretty good state, I would say. But you spend a lot of your time complaining about politics and right-wing people.

Well, yeah, but they're complaining about people who can't defend themselves because they are marginalised. The two complaints are all right, are they? They complain about the marginalised people. I complain about the pricks. You're Twitter Robin Hood. Who's on Twitter Robin Hood? Is that what you're saying, yeah.

Stealing from the rich. I'm Little John. That's another. I wouldn't mind a Disney remake of Robin Hood because that is a good film. Yeah. So there we go. Thanks very much for that.

That's all right. So what about this then from Mark Busby? he sent an email in with 10 whoa room 101 suggestions we're gonna have to bash these pretty should we do it in a rapid fire succession okay and i'll make a note of how many get in yeah okay all right here we go so uh matt mark busby not matt busby not sir matt busby the late great sir matt busby mark busibly related. Who knows? Number one. Referring to someone in a photo on social media as in quotes, this one. I've complained about this one on this very show.

That's going in there, right? It's dehumanizing and she has a name. It's usually men doing it to women and their partners. This one. Right, so that's in. Number two. The phrase, I'm across that. Are you across that?

If you're saying I'm across that, I would suggest that you're not across that. So I don't mind the phrase. That's fine. That can stay. That's not going in. Adults referring to their parents as mummy and daddy. Yeah, straight in there.

Straight in there. Mam and dad, nothing else. Grandmas are always nans as well, not grandmama and stuff fuck that gaga gaga well Mark also suggests maybe it's better to call your parents

by their names rather than mommy and daddy but I think that's disrespectful you can't do that but three's going in there number four people over the age of this is going to

this is going to strike a chord with you Donaldson this is going to cut to the very core of you people over the age of 40 yeah but he says, I'm being generous here, you could apply it to younger, who still think it's big and clever to go out and get smashed and post about it on social media. I don't post about it on social media. Well, you do sometimes.

No, I then glorify and go, I am fucking pissed. Rubbish. I'm going out and get trollied. I've seen a picture of you holding a Highland Spring one and a half litre bottle full of piss. I wasn't pissed, I was.

In one hand and a crutch in the other. Yeah. I was stone cold sober and it was in the middle of the day with you, Luke. Alright. Is that going in or not?

Yeah. People are bossed about nights out. Three out of four. Is this you sending this email? I'm getting on with Matt Busby. Busby 67. Number five. People, this is going to hurt you. this email in? I'm getting on with Matt Busby, 67. Number five.

This is going to hurt you. People early in their career and with no financial ties, clearly intelligent enough to do something else, but piss and moan about their crappy job they hate. If you hate it enough to moan about it, find something you do like. Agreed. Yeah.

That's hypocritical of you, that. Why is it? Because you moan about stuff all the time I literally don't Luke alright number six graduation from anything other than university

graduation from preschool is basically I made it to age four what next graduation from your mother's uterus yeah you've graduated I like the idea

of being born and graduating from a fanny is that going in yeah that's going in that's going in he that's going in, that's going in. He's got five out of six so far. He's done well this week. Number seven, people who do those

no one ever gets 100% at this quiz on social media and somehow, surprise, they get 100%. I think you might have to look at your social circle. Yeah, that's not going in. Number eight, people who leave bags on seats on public transport. Yeah, but I do like to lie down. If I really like lying down on the train,

so if I'm using two seats, I think that's fine. But yeah, bags are a bit shit. When we went to, we went on a train journey once somewhere, and we all sat around chatting, and you walked into a different carriage on your own, lied across two seats and fell asleep, and then missed a stop. Do you want Sleepy Pete

or do you want Charisma Bomb Donaldson? I'm still waiting for him. Number nine, people who sit on the aisle seat on public transport when inside is empty. Yeah, that's just baffling. Is that going in? Yeah, that's going in. All right, good.

Number 10, people who blatantly take way too much onto planes as hand luggage. That's you. You do that all the. Number 10, people who blatantly take way too much onto planes as hand luggage. That's you, you do that all the time. I don't do that, I just have hand,

no, I have normal size hand luggage, but people who, especially easy jet flights where it's extra to put it in the hold,

I just think people have to prioritise their time and effort more. I mean, 20 quid to just put your bag in the hold,

yeah. And to be honest, nowadays, everyone puts everything in hand baggage, so the baggage carousels come around quite quickly now, I think. People might massively disagree with that one, but... I've got it in my mind that if I take checked luggage, it's going to take me twice as long to get out of the airport.

Yeah. Even though it's not always the case. No, I don't think it is always the case, to be honest. All right, so that's not going in. But you've done very well there, Mark. You've tapped into Pete's psyche quite well, and you've got about 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, and 9 in there out of 10. That's not too bad.

Beautiful. Let's have a little break, and coming back, I'm going to give you an absolutely bizarre suggestion for Room 102. Is it Joe Bustles? It is, yeah. Amazing. Yeah. And if you like this video, don't forget, give it a like. If you like this video, don't forget, give it a like.

Video, don't forget, give it a like. And if you like this video, don't forget, give it a like and share and subscribe and give me money and things like that. Keef. Keef Cooks. I didn't clip that one, so it restarted twice. Apologies for that, everyone who enjoys the sweet sounds of Keef. Two for the price of one

Keefy as promised before the ad break we've got a suggestion here from Joe Bustle Bustle Bustle for putting something in our version of

Room 101 exercise the Bustle muscle yeah Joe Bustle has muscled his way into the email section he says my Room 101 suggestion is

incomplete media my ex used to drive while listening to the audio of films. Wow. I mean, that is special. I didn't tell her this, but it was a major reason why I ended it.

It would be an interesting thing to do. I've never heard of that before. No, I've never heard that before, but I think, I mean, an iconic film that you knew inside out would be quite cool, but then,

I don't know, man, definitely not film surely. No. Football matches maybe. I don't know. Like sport, but what's happened with football matches is that,

so listening to a football match on the radio is brilliant. Yeah. If you get a good commentator, which invariably to be fair, they are, and it's hard doing it on radio. But what happens then is I think that there's this situation i might be a bit biased because i much prefer working in radio is that people have this idea that you can graduate from radio into tv all right

so a lot of people who do tv commentary these days have come from radio which then what happens subsequently is they commentate on tv games like they commentate on the radio, and they just say way too much stuff. Yeah. You don't need to do that. No, exactly, yeah. But, yeah, and also if you look at like John Motsen doing, he's gone back into radio, hasn't he? And it's interesting that he is kind of like taking his foot off the gas

when it comes to how much he, sorry, he's sort of increased how much he has to speak or something. You don't want to do that when you get older. You want to do less work, not more work. It's crazy. If anyone else is out there that actually secretly likes listening to the audio of films while in the car, I want to hear from you because I've never heard of that before.

No, but I'm kind of into it a little bit, though. I'm not going to put that into you because I'm quite interested. If you listen to Blade Runner with that great soundtrack something with a really good soundtrack that you really liked can we at least agree that it would have to

be a film you've already seen yes because if you're doing it that's ridiculous that would be mad

you deserve to be on the fringes of society if you do it with a film you haven't actually seen on the fringes

of town because you're so into the film you're not watching I want to do some more traditional emails now because I've got a few

alright then have you got any no not in front of me you are firing it in into the film you're not watching. I want to do some more traditional emails now, Pete, because I've got a few. All right, then. Have you got any? No. Okay, right. Not in front of me. You are phoning it in. I'm not phoning it in. You said prepare some Room 101 stuff, so I did.

I haven't given you my grapes yet. Let's do that. Let's do that. These emails will keep, man. Let's do that. All right. I've got emails here about a woman who damned a bottle of spirits in defiance of duty-free, Jimmy White the snooker

player taking his dead brother out on the piss a dad bringing home a work gift from NASA you've heard the man that had never eaten a crisp, behold the woman who doesn't even know what a crisp is that's all coming up they're all really good aren't they

that's all coming up later or on a subsequent show while we sit back and listen to the gripes that Pete Dawson's got of the world around him. I can't seem to find... All I've written is... But I had loads of them. People who just let doors slam. Yeah, that's annoying.

Arrogant. People who don't take their tray off the x-ray machine at the airport yeah that is also I end up doing about five of those for people because I don't do it absolutely drives me

insane to be honest I would say people say this one is on there as well you know this is my piece

this is my bit this is my girl don't look at her yeah a London centric one people who stand on the left on their escalators and people who get off the tube girl. What about a London centric one, people just stand on

the left of their escalators and people who get off the tube before you can get on. Yeah, I

mean, I just think that's people just not knowing the customs. Despite the signs everywhere so stand on

the right. They don't speak English. Everyone can speak a bit of English. Have some respect.

Can't they? No. If you can afford to come to London on holiday, you can speak a bit of English. Have some respect. Can't they? No. If you can afford to come to London on holiday, you can speak a bit of English. I think you can. Disgusting. I think you can, though.

It's not fair. Disgusting behaviour. What? So it's only for tourists? The tube is only for tourists and people who live here? You fucking dirty little... But what? Little Englander.

I've got to go in a minute because I've got to get on that boat in the Mediterranean. She said stay on at dawn. Brilliant. Oh, dear. I haven't got any room on it minute because I've got to get on that boat in the Mediterranean. She said sail at dawn. Brilliant. Oh dear. I haven't got any room one at once because I haven't prepared it.

All right, let's have some emails. All right, here we go. What about this one from George who says, this is the woman downing a bottle of spirits in defiance of duty free laws.

Jeez. Hi guys, after hearing the story of that businessman knocking back the world's most expensive cognac like it was a shot of apple sours, it instantly reminded me of a story I'd heard before.

A female Chinese tourist travelling back from the US had hit the duty free and picked up an array of VAT-reduced alcohol. And I imagine one of those massive Toblerones, although I can't confirm that. When she reached Beijing, she was told that she'd exceeded her limit of what was allowed on a connecting domestic flight. So instead of accepting the alternative of overpriced shipping she gunned the 120 pound

bottle of remy martin she was subsequently deemed too drunk to fly by the airline and said last scene to be rolling about shouting um congratulations on hitting 100 pods and best of luck for the next 100 i've heard a story about that from someone, maybe some terrible tourist, British tourist in Spain, with like a bottle of whiskey or something. And then she was so ill that she ended up spending like a week in hospital anyway. It cost her loads more money. Is that the sort of thing you would do, Peter? Gunning a bottle of, I never buy booze or fags at the airport.

I'm like, I just, I don't think, maybe back in the day, the idea of a booze cruise was probably good. But like, tax-free shopping, I think it's about what it costs anyway. Certainly online, you can probably find a deal.

I never do it because it's a hassle. It's just an absolute hassle. And they make you, actually nowadays, they make you like seal the bag, don't they?

Exactly. Well, in a lot of American airports, you don't get it until you get onto the plane and it's in a sealed package anyway. And the only time I ever use duty-free

is when someone asks me specifically to bring back a gift or whatever. That email from George, by the way, is the same George who emailed about his dad editing Silence of the Lambs. Remember that? Alex Lodge has also been in touch saying, Hi guys, we all love an urban legend,

especially if it turns out to be true. I think you've already mentioned the E.T. Atari cartridges buried in the desert, which we have. And I thought I'd email you about this one, which you may be aware of. But anyway, the story first came to my attention in Viz's Profanosaurus, which is a sort of swearing dictionary.

You know about the Profanosaurus, right? Yeah. Roger Malley. Yeah. And the entry was Jimmy White's brother. And it was a nickname you'd give to a boring member of a group in a pub. Oh, he's like Jimmy White's brother. Now it was a nickname you'd give to a boring member of a group in a pub.

Oh, he's like Jimmy White's brother. Now, the nickname comes from the urban legend stating that after Jimmy White's brother sadly passed away, he and his mates broke into the morgue to take the deceased out for one last piss-up. So saying the boring guy was like a corpse, essentially. A few years ago in an ITV documentary about Jimmy White, the subject was brought up in an interview and he confirmed it was true.

No. Even saying that a taxi driver refused to give the group a lift after he clocked that one of them was a corpse. That's from Alex Lodge in Essex. I can't imagine, even in the,

your brother is dead and you think, that's, I'm kind of torn. It's kind of a lovely thing to do and also the most horrific thing i can possibly think of i mean that's dead weight that that is that is just the practicalities of it yeah i've had look i have a drink in the mug get a cardboard cut out there's enough there's

probably some formaldehyde around that's probably delicious well listen please don't do that but can you i mean can you imagine that? It's unbelievable. If you've ever had to carry anybody around, they're really heavy. Presumably there's some sort of wheelbarrow involved. There'd have to be, wouldn't there? A dead brother in them. Very strange.

Maybe, look, we don't know Jimmy White and his relationship with his brother. Maybe it's what his brother requested. Maybe, so that'll be funny, but I'm gone. Take me out, yeah, take me out for one last piss up. Take me out on the lash. But if it was a film film he'd come back to life because he had such a good night

or he goes I can finally die happy it's like an Essex version of Weekend at Bernie have you seen the have you seen the SNL sketch where I think it's Andy Samberg

and the them lot and it's like Weekend at Bernie it's like and this guy they're ready for this big party round their boss's house

and their boss has got this amazing condor and they're like oh my god party around their boss's house. And their boss has got this amazing condor. And they're like, oh, my God, our boss has died. Oh, my God, put some sunglasses on him. And we'll pretend he's just tired. And we'll have, because there's bikini babes turning up. And then everyone turns up and they just see the cop and start screaming. And I think they get arrested.

Oh, my God, he's dead. That's exactly what would happen. You know the punk anarchist type, hardcore punk guy, Gigi Allen? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they took him out. Did they take him out? Well, he died at a party.

Yeah, they took him out and buried him with a little heroin, didn't they? I think people realised he was dead and started having photos taken with him and all this kind of stuff. And then, because he was such a sort of,

I don't know, it's hard to, he's sort of got a belligerent man. He was a bit of a fucking waste, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Apparently, I think they've had to move his grave. Right. And move into like a secret location because people keep making pilgrimages there and doing unspeakable things to the grave because they sort of think that's what he would have wanted. I mean, I don't know.

It probably would have been what he wanted. He was a disgusting freak man. There's lots of videos of him online. Just marching through the streets covering his own shit naked in blood yeah it's awful

the man did not give a fuck he said that's like what the actual punk aesthetic should have been and all the other people who didn't do that were like sellouts and stuff yeah

I mean you can't do that 24-7 can you really you can't just live in your own shit what does he do for downtime yeah what's a real blart for Gigi Allen

yeah does he ever wake up and go oh god i love hangover i'm not i'm not one what did i do last night i covered myself in my own shit like started stab myself with a broken bottle yeah oh that's a bit much isn't it sorry about that um one i'm i really must text steven i've got to put this delicately he's also his penis is really small i mean drugs will do that in is also his penis is really small. I mean, drugs will do that. In the videos, his penis is tiny, I'm telling you. You can't stop looking at it.

Little Gigi, air con. You can't start looking at it. You can't start looking at this. That was the upsetting thing about the fucking Trump mushroom penis thing. Do you want to film people going on that story? Not particularly, but Stormy Daniels has basically stated that his penis resembled the mushroom character. Toad.

He's called Toad. I know. Have a bit of respect for one of my selections in Mario Kart. If you want me to respect your craft, madam, you can respect video games, all right? Because they're both consumed by boys in the bedroom. Teenage boys. Teenage boys in the bedroom.

Yeah, it has a name, Toad. Why are you bringing Toad into this? Or the other Toadette, was it? boys in the bedroom. Teenage boys. Teenage boys in the bedroom. Yeah. It has a name, Toad. Why are you bringing Toad into this? Or the other Toadette? I can't remember what the girl... What were you going to say? The worst thing about it was?

The worst thing about it was she has dragged the good name of Toad through the gutter. And Toad is probably the most unassuming of all the Mario Kart characters. Yeah.

Seems like a lovely fella. There was this big debate whether the mushroom part of Toad was his hat or part of his head And it got confirmed by Nintendo And I can't remember which way it went It must be his head

I'm in the head camp there I think it might be his hat you know That's mental What does he look like without it on then? Well imagine Donald Trump's shaft Presumably You've just imagined Donald Trump's shaft

You've just imagined Donald Trump's shaft shaft you've just imagined donald trump's shaft the new album from the arctic monkeys um what about pete this is a i gotta keep saying what about this what about this what about this she's like that's my your goodness goodness me goodness me um i like this from from toby toby says gentlemen toby toby toby please don't do it again Toby he says I've been on holiday and so I'm now

catching up with this oh fucking holiday oh I've been on holiday fucking bully for you mate I've been on holiday I had a lovely time and I just thought I'd let you know

I gotta go to Zimbabwe for some charity work don't let you talk about it prick and if you are listening practical action he will again want the expenses

expenses if you're annoyed at me having, he will, again, want expenses. Expenses. If you're annoyed at me having to read all the emails in, it's basically because Pete won't do any prep. So I've got to do them. I did prep. I did the Room 101, but then I lost my bloody list, didn't I? Yeah.

Toby's been on holiday and is now catching up with this summer's episode, so he's a bit behind. In episode 85, we referred to a 31-year-old man named Andy who had never eaten a crisp. He made it in the top five for episode 11. One of the biggest moments ever on this show. He said,

this reminded me of a recent exchange I had in my place of work with a lady in her 60s. Right. I work in a posh deli. You're going to love this, Pete. I love a posh deli. And you hate that sort of stuff.

No, I like the food that's in a posh deli. I like the meat. Did you read that story about that woman who... I might not have any emails, but I've got fucking social ammunition, mate. Right. The woman who was just constantly eating

a couple of slices of salami every day. And she, after seven years of working at this deli, the people who sort of accounted for loss in the shop realised that she'd eaten something like eight grand's worth of salami. Did she get fired? Yeah, she did. And arrested.

Which seems weird, because she's only eaten two slices at a time. I would never dream of partaking in this, but I've worked in two big brand supermarkets. Big brand. And the amount of people who used to go into the freezer on a hangover and nail, or the fridges, sorry, and nail like Sunny Delight, yoghurts, all sorts.

Another trick that i know someone that used to at a popular supermarket and the first thing in the so imagine your favorite food just give me an example of your favorite food um oh god anything fish fingers no no not something you have to cook oh okay well you didn't say that sorry yeah i should have made that clear bananas okay banana right so banana is your favourite food. It's dangerous, but anyway, what you do, as soon as you start your shift, grab a banana,

go to the checkout, pay for it, 15p or whatever, keep that receipt in your pocket, congratulations, you can eat bananas all day. Unlimited bananas. Because anyone says,

did you pay for that banana? Here you go, here's the receipt. Just don't get caught with more than one banana at once. You cannot be busted for it. I mean, they can see you finishing off a yoghurt, putting it in the bin, and then grabbing another yoghurt, especially if it's in a multi-pack.

And a friend of mine may or may not have done that with sausage rolls every Saturday. Oh, that's a good idea, yeah. I mean, they get thrown away at the end of the day anyway. They're perishables. I wouldn't worry about that, to be honest. It's just a perk of the job. You work in the supermarket, I've done it. It can be great, but it can be a bit annoying. There's a little end of the day anyway. They're perishables. I wouldn't worry about that, to be honest. It's just a perk of the job. You're working in the supermarket,

I've done it. It can be great, but it can be a bit annoying. There's a little perk of the job. Back to Toby's story. He's working in a posh deli, and they sell posh crisps, mostly for middle-class people. One afternoon, a lady approaches me at the counter, and holding a packet of Burt's potato chips, which are like Tyrell's.

Almost like a rival of Tyrell's. And she asks, excuse me, what are like Tyrell's. It almost looks like a rival of Tyrell's. Yeah. Um, um, and she asks, excuse me, what are these? What are these? I assume she had not come across the term potato chips. And so I explained how this is another way of saying crisps.

She replied crisps. I dutifully described the horror of my colleagues and surrounding customers. The process of making a crisp once finished. She said to me, well, I never, I suppose you think I the process of making a crisp. Once finished, she said to me, well, I never. I suppose you think I've been living under a rock. She purchased the packet along with the pot of hummus

that I recommended and promised to try them out that night. She hasn't returned. She's probably off her tree. Now, I presume this email, this happened in 2018. Yeah.

I mean, because if this is a story from 1962, it's a bit pointless. Imagine experiencing, you know, chips, as the Americans would say, for the first time. And just chomping down on a nice crisp and going, oh.

Like, they've got everything, really, haven't they? It would be like a revelation, wouldn't it? Incredible. I can't tell you. So I used to have a packet of crisps in my lunchbox at school. Junior school. Probably wouldn't be allowed that my lunchbox at school. Junior school. Probably wouldn't be allowed that nowadays.

Probably wouldn't. Junior school. So we're talking 89? 89. Probably. 88 even. 30 years ago. There's no real excuse to never have tried a crisp, to be honest.

But you know you get those people who are so posh, they're completely divorced from any sort of reality. You might have been one of those. But I was thinking about this at school at school do you have scraps yeah which is just the person who's frying the fish or frying the chips or whatever they just put their hand in batter and flick the the the the batter into the into the scraps used to be the bottom of the fryer in the holding bit in the fish and chip shop. Yeah, no, but to make the amount of scraps

that you would need, they put their hand in batter and just flick the batter into the thing and then into the fryer and they pull it out because you're only going to get two or three little bits of scraps

that hang about so you'd put them in there like that. But yeah, we used to have them at school. It's basically just fat it's basically just pure fat

it's just oil it's just oil and flour it's that fat that goes solid when it goes cold yeah incredible yeah amazing that's what we're eating

oh and I was going to finish on that email but actually now you've said that I'll finish on this because it's sort of related and it's from George and he says he wants to get a moment

in the top five now he's too late to do that but I thought I'd read it anyway because it is a little bit related to what you just said there. He says, George says, my most memorable Luke and Pete

moments to date is from an episode when Pete described being fed small pieces of fried chicken directly into his mouth via the use of tongs and a KFC.

Yes. Now, was this on the pod? Because I have a nagging doubt it could have been a dream of mine. No, no, that definitely happened. Holloway Road,

one o'clock in the morning, just as they were shutting up. What year? Talk to me about the year. I was living in Holloway, so probably about five years ago. Six years ago? Seven years ago.

No, I was in Highgate, that's why. Oh, okay, right. So coming up from a Holloway station, so probably about seven years ago. Yeah. And I was getting some food. He goes,

do you want some popcorn chicken? I went yeah definitely was there any other how many people in the KFC at the time there were other people in the KFC that was the weirdest

thing yeah and he just got his tongs and he just fed me pieces of in front of people in front of people and I was I'd had a couple of drinks and I was

like oh oh how many did you have like a little seal I had about four did you ever do like a little stunt for him to give you any more

clap my hands yeah that's brilliant that's the sort of level of human being you're dealing with on this show yes I've done worse

I've done anything that someone feeds me from a tongue there we go that's enough for this time around that's episode 102 in the can Pete

fuck I haven't got to worry about that anymore no and we'll be back on Monday in some capacity I think you know that I'm not worried

about this show we'll be back next week ah Luke didn't get a chance to give a little retort there because he was drinking out of his Nalgene bottle hello Luke and Pete show

for hello at lukeandpete.com to get in touch we'd love to hear from you we'll be back next week it's been a bloody pleasure Pete Donaldson as ever

see you soon see you soon I need a big whack on my back while I cough, I think. All right, go on, let's do it. Ready? How hard? Just out of ten. Like that, just bang, bang, bang.

Fist or hand? What? Flat palm, like that. How about this arm? Okay, okay, okay. Ready? One, two. No, I need a lot of them.

All right. Is that too hard? Okay, okay, okay, ready? One, two. No, I need a lot of them. Oh. Is that too hard? No, you're alright. Thanks, man. That's on tip. That's on tip. That's on tip.

That's on tip. That's on tip. That's on tip. That's on tip. That's on tip. That's on tip. That's on tip. That's on tip.

That's on tip. That's on tip. That's on tip. That's on tip. That's on tip. That's on tip. That's on tip.