The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 103: Antibiotics from India

Episode Date: October 1, 2018

A man has attempted to flag down a plane at Dublin airport, and miraculously, that man is not Pete Donaldson. He is however on hand to comment upon it, as well as many other issues including rappers eating too many Cheetos, kidneys being transported for transplant, and how much he enjoyed his parents' recent trip down to see him in London.We also welcome a return for Crisp Andy, revisit the famous shower curtain debacle with a man that knows his onions, and marvel at Pete's resourcefulness at purchasing medication from the internet.Hit us up: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the high-protein, high-fibre, bigger 70g serving of the Luke and Pete Show. I am somewhat more than a 70g serving, Pete Donaldson, as you well know. But it probably sums you up quite well. I think so. How have you been, Luke Moore? I am somewhat more than a 70 gram serving Pete Donaldson, as you well know. But it probably sums you up quite well. I think so. How have you been, Luke Moore? High in saturated fat. How have you been?

I am fuel porridge, high protein. I'm eating a fuel porridge. They sent it to my radio station to a more popular radio DJ than me so they could talk about it on the radio. They didn't. They left it behind. So as is the custom, when it comes to DJs who are paid better than you, you're allowed to steal their stuff. That is the Breakfast Show

DJ privilege, I believe. And that's everyone, by the way. That is literally everyone. Literally everyone. Episode 103 of the Luke and Pete show. It's reminded me of the radio station

I used to listen to growing up on the South Coast. 103.2 Power FM. Power FM. Power FM. Are they still going, Donny? That's where Andy and Bob came from. They certainly were as of seven years ago, but I think they might have had a rebadge.

Okay. They're probably turning it apart or something. I think it's Capital all over the country now, isn't it? Oh, it's one of the Capital ones. Capital Regions or something. Yeah, it was a Capital one, yeah. Oh, they'll have their own breakfast show then because there's a rule that means

you have to do a certain amount of local content every day. So it means that the drive time show and the breakfast show will be local, but all of the rest of the content will be nationalised. Radio chat. Radio chat. I think it is interesting to a certain extent. Yeah. It's a dying industry.

I mean, everything is interesting to a certain extent. Yeah. Isn't it? Pete, why don't you give, imagine someone's just walked, not walked because it's the internet. Waddled. Yeah. Internet online Waddled. Sort of,

yeah, internet online waddled their way to this show and they found episode 103 and they thought, do you know what? I'm just going to give episode 103 a bash. Wow. What should they expect and how would you sum up this half an hour?

Well, you would usually say expect the unexpected, but that is kind of, do you mind? I'm opening a cup of tea. Were you eating porridge, pal? Sounds like you're cracking open an egg of tea. It's not even morning yeah i have an egg of tea every morning morning has

broken yeah no what came first oh the egg that was risky all of your hand dexterous mate well have we spoken about um your tea order which um baffles everyone did you have to explain that it's disgusting that's not too bad i don't think terry in the canteen she's a lovely lady she knows what my order is i don't even have to ask the canteen. She's a lovely lady. She knows what my order is. I don't even have to ask for it now. Imagine it's a tea milkshake, basically, isn't it? Yeah, but it's hot. It's hot.

It's tea with milk. It's a hot milk tea. Answer the question. I want you to tell people what to expect when they listen to this show. Expect the unexpected. We could be talking about high-protein porridge that are found in an unattended radio studio.

We might be talking about long eggs at any point. We might even. I mean, recently we've been doing, because we had episode 101, and then that spilled over into episode 102. We had a bit of a Room 101 vibe. Yeah. Because you were in your element, Donny.

You were enjoying telling people whether they were justified in their complaints or not. Yeah. That was a role for you that I think you really enjoyed. Because maybe five years ago, I was a man who hated everything. I think hating stuff is so gauche now i think it's uh there's there's too much awesome stuff in the world to spend your time whinging about things and the internet's got enough of

that so we should be celebrating stuff yeah but why did we do the last couple of shows then you wanted to do that it was your idea no it's my idea actually but you endorsed it I endorse it by being present yeah but generally you voted with your feet and you walked straight into the studio

generally how it works is we like to just talk a bit of nonsense for half an hour tell some of your stories which as we always say are unquestionably the

creative and entertainment highlights of each episode and we'll do a bit of that later and when Pete said earlier that you can expect the unexpected and anything could come along and entertainment highlights of each episode. And we'll do a bit of that later. And when Pete said earlier that you can expect the unexpected and anything could come along, I've got something for you, Pete Donaldson.

Man breaks out of terminal at Dublin Airport and tries to flag down a plane. Did you read about this? What, a guy who's just in a terminal, he managed to get onto the runway and just flagged it down. It's a Ryanair flight from Dublin to Amsterdam. Cast your own aspersions. Yeah, fine to Amsterdam. Cast your own aspersions. Cast your own aspersions. No further questions.

Pre-gaming. Your Honor, I've got no further questions for the witness. And he and his partner or accomplice, whoever, he's in his early 20s. I don't want to judge, but thought to be Irish. No. Stop it. you said it

I didn't say it I was just reading the story as it comes 7 o'clock local time Dublin airport which for me and I don't have any beef

with the Irish people the Irish country as a whole I think it's a beautiful place good friend of mine lives out there a couple of good friends of mine live out there actually

looks amazing I'm not a huge fan of Dublin but other than that it looks like a beautiful place. And whenever I visit places like Galway, it's been magnificent. So put that to one side, guys.

Put that to one side, guys. But Dublin Airport is a dump. It is the worst airport I think I've ever been to. And I've been to airports in... I mean, I've been to more chaotic airports than Dublin, but I've not been to a more boring, windy airport than Dublin. Have you been to Dublin Airport?

I've been twice, but I can't remember really. It's so exposed, it's so windy, and it's so boring. So I'm not surprised this guy tried to bang on the window of the terminal building, pushed his way through the emergency exit, and legged it trying to flag a plane down because he was late. Is there a premium kind of airline that flies to Dublin Airport that's not Ryanair or EasyJet or any of those ones? Yeah, BA goes there. Do they? Okay. Yeah, when I used to go, I used to go to Dublin airport that's not Ryanair or EasyJet or any of those ones yeah BA goes there

do they yeah when I used to go I used to go to Dublin quite a lot for work and sometimes you'd get put on whatever flight and sometimes

it would be a BA flight Aer Lingus is the main budget Aer Lingus anyway according to the airport spokesman a male and female passenger

were late for a Ryanair flight to Amsterdam this morning and arrived at the boarding gate after the flight had closed we've all been there I haven't you have though Pete they were engaging with Ryanair flight to Amsterdam this morning and arrived at the boarding gate after the flight had closed. We've all been there. I haven't, you have though, Pete. They were engaging with Ryanair staff at the gate and the male passenger was becoming, in quotes,

agitated. He was banging on the window to try and get the aircraft to wait. That's an ambitious one. You've got to admire his chutzpah there. Stop it. Anyway, that didn't work, so he broke through a door, made his way onto the apron and tried to flag the aircraft down before being restrained by Ryanair staff.

The police turned up and he's been taken to the nearest police station, which I believe, do airports, does every airport have its own police station? I think it might. It must have a holding cell at least, at the very least. Yeah, there we go. Because it's a kind of a bubble where people drink a lot, but they also have to be, you know,

go through technical tasks at the same time and they're ill-equipped to sort of deal with the administration of just getting through an x-ray machine when they're pissed and stuff like that um i i think i've spoken about this before i have been through the just leave the top off okay um the i have been down the uh the little um the little walkway towards the plane and the door was open open, and the plane had already backed off away from the terminal building. It actually came back for us. Opened the door, we got on, and everyone was scowling at us. I've seen, in fact, it just reminded me,

when I was in the south of France in June, and flying back, I saw a guy get pulled to one side, tried to leg it, restrained, pinned down. Wow. There was a talk that he was an alleged smuggler, banned substances, drugs, that kind of stuff. Nice. He was taken off, never saw him taken away, never saw him again, didn't actually make it to the plane. We talked last week, Pete, I think it was last week, about a lady who was told she wasn't allowed a bottle of spirits on the plane,

so she drank the whole thing. Yes, and she wasn't allowed on anyway. Yeah. That teacher. Excuse me, madam, and she wasn't allowed on anyway. Yeah. By the teacher. Excuse me, madam. It doesn't matter what vessel it's in. That amount of alcoholic liquid is not allowed in any container.

Don't do it in front of the person as well. I know. Even if the container is your body. Dear. Have you seen the rap sensation Little Jeanne? Little Jeanne? Little Jeanne. X-A-N.

Jeanne. Lil' Jeanne, isn't it? Lil' Jeanne. It's named after Xanax, isn't it? So it's probably Lil' Jeanne. Oh. I think. That Jean. X-A-N. Jean. Lil' Jean. Lil' Jean. It's named after Xanax, isn't it? So it's probably Lil' Xan. Oh. I think. That works.

Well, he's not got in trouble by eating too many depressants, antidepressants. He's eaten too many hot Cheetos. Little Xanax. That's not what they used to be, are they? Apparently the flaming hot Cheetos caused him to both bleed internally and to vomit blood. How many had he eaten?

Probably just the food dye. Just the food dye. It looks like blood. Maybe. But yeah, I mean, they're quite aggressive things, Cheetos,

and especially extra hot Cheetos as well. They don't mess around. I love Cheetos and I love extra hot Cheetos, but extra hot Cheetos, there's something not worldly about it.

You shouldn't be eating that. I don't think... Go on. Like eating what? Insulin. What? You would burn the tongue, I reckon.

Yeah. It's like something that your liver secretes, not something your liver needs, isn't it? And for the... It's remarkable, actually, how many times

I have to say this on this show. Pete is not a medical professional. No. He's a very... You've had a lot of medical experience,

but you're not a medical professional my friend uh alex uh is working in the nhs as a civil servant and one of his things is um one of his roles is um helping people who've got ideas uh in enterprise um medical enterprise right um you know realize their deals outside of the nhs basically um getting rid of all talented people from the nhs because we don't need them okay we don't need them and he'd i'll would sell off anything of any part of the nhs if he could uh yeah i've said that to him and he resents it but i'm saying again um and uh bless him and he's basically got me mentoring uh a doctor who's um a pod. Whoa, hang on a minute here. So I reckon...

I don't know if you should be doing this. Look, I help him with his podcast. He helps me with my needs. Does he know how much... This could be a Michael Jackson situation. I'm going to get him to write some prescriptions. Does he know how much you need to be whipped into shape every week? Because I'll tell you what,

he's going to be making every mistake in the book. You're a mentor. We need some sort of jingle for that. Mentoring? Mentor. Last time on Dragon Ball Z.

Mentoring with Pete Donaldson. Can we get him in? I mean, he must be on the bones of his ass, this poor guy. I've not spoken to him yet, but I've not been

told I'm an hour mentor, so have some respect. I was actually going to say about the Cheetos, that there's certain Cheetos, and the extra hot ones are probably included in this. I like the limey ones. Yeah, I don't think they're able to be sold in the UK.

You know the way that... You see them in Empire every now and again. Yeah, exactly. You'd think they'd be more popular than they are. Exactly. They are delicious. Absolutely, but I think they might have a lot of colourings or unnatural flavours, that kind of stuff in them,

which is not able to be used in that content in the UK. The same way, for example, you can't get Fox News in the UK. Same principle. You can't have Cheetos. Because my dad always asks me to bring them back for him because he loves them. What, Fox News? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sean Hannity, he always asks me to bring them back. So yeah, that's Cheetos. You should give us an update as often as you can about your mentoring, mate. Yeah, I will do, yeah. I'll let you know what's going on and how many prescriptions he's written me for really heavy tramadol drugs.

If you're a doctor, you can write prescriptions for yourself, can't you? Oh, can you? Yeah. That's wonderful. Well, you always used to be able to. I'm pretty sure you still can, yeah.

I've bought antibiotics from India online before. Right. Where's that? Where's that? Where's that where's that where's that come from where's that come from yeah i never use them in the end but why too scared too scared no no i've bought drugs i think never before not bad ones medicinal ones what so what caused you i'm gonna have to ask because the listeners will never forgive me if i don't please tell us what caused you and inspired you to have to ask because the listeners will never forgive me if I don't please tell us what caused you

and inspired you to purchase antibiotics off the internet oh I had like because I have had asthma medication my whole life I get quite spotty

every now and again I've not noticed not on your face on your winkle on the shoulders not on your winkle on the shoulders a little bit

it's the same sort of thing because it's a steroid. Even though it gives me no advantages to building muscle or anything like that, or looking good, it gives me the same problems that... I'm not the World Anti-Drug Administrator. I look farther.

You haven't got a complete GK. It gives me none of that, but it does give me the same problems with bacne that professional wrestlers have. So you'll occasionally get these horrible spots it's not excessive

in slightly you get two or three at a time it's just like did you say bacne bacne yeah bacacne

it's a thing that wrestlers get yeah bacne I do get the pun I just wondered because steroids obviously do that

so yeah I went for a run of these antibiotics tablets and they worked but the problem is they discolor your teeth obviously do that um so yeah uh i went for a run of um this these antibiotics tablets and uh they worked but the problem is they discolor your teeth oh nightmare so and that color isn't white and that color is not white because that would be handy if it color white yeah wow the transubstantiation of the teeth imagine that the bad news is they color your

teeth the good news is that color is actually white um like a beautiful kind of like uh like an enamel paint color the sort of paint if you scratched a washing machine you'd have to paint on okay yeah um you t-cut it's called t-cut t-cut your own teeth teeth cut so uh yeah so i was like oh there must be another kind of um kind of maybe cream sort of thing so So I just bought them online. Right, okay. I just didn't get around to using it. How many rubles? Not rubles.

What's it called in India? Rupees. Rupees, yeah. How much did it cost you? I don't know. It was pretty affordable. But it just came in a really kind of like pink lavender flavoured kind of box. I was like, that's a bit weird.

So I never got around to using them. Would you have been in trouble if the police intercepted that package? You could have just put it in there. I if the police intercepted that package I think it's I think you just I think you just put them I think you just throw them in the bin and they're not going to

do you for one tube of a back tea cream are they I suppose not I suppose not now after the break we are going to talk we're going to talk

about some of your emails again which is the heart of the show and if you want to be involved in this as we always say about any subject at all coming up in a bit we've got some interesting subjects to say the least it's hello at luke and

pete show.com uh we'll be back with you after this to read some of them out why did i mention my back knee so sheikh you're telling me that drinking camel's urine is part of the thing don't get me wrong aki don't get me wrong ah you don't get me wrong don't get him wrong don't get me wrong. Aki, don't get me wrong. Aki, don't get me wrong. Don't get him wrong. Don't get me wrong. Promised before the break there was, well, there was a promise that was email related. Pete, I've got a little shortlist of three for you here. Okay. We're going to go with, you can choose between.

Do the second weakest. Okay, well, have you got an email? No, I'm just saying do the second weakest. I don't like you preempting them, because then people kind of, they'll have an idea about what's going to be in the email. So just pan through them. Okay.

Well, okay. This one email I've entitled, a new pilot has entered the game and he's got a spare kidney. Whoa. Yeah. Well, exactly. You've done the entitle there.

I already know. He's a pilot. He's gone to the show and he's had to transport a kidney across the world. All right. What have you got? I'm just saying, don't've done the title there. I already know. He's a pilot. He's gone to the show and he's had to transport a kidney across the world. Right, what have you got? I'm just saying, don't give me the title.

It's really well written. You've spaffed it. All right. Okay, let me... You've spilt kidney all over the fucking box. Would it be better if I made it sort of more cryptic? Like, if the clue meant it more cryptic.

So, like, for example, oh, an organ at 40,000 feet. Yeah, exactly. Again, we know this, what's happened. example oh an organ at 40,000 feet yeah exactly again we know this what's happened there's an organ at 40,000 feet well I'm still

going to read it because we've got 20 odd minutes to fill body body plane seven letters six letters

second letter I is it kidney yes it is hi guys love the pods big football fan who loves hearing nonsense and reliving

my Wrestlemania loving childhood I think he's referring to the football round and Wrestle Me there. Wrestle Me. Luke, you mentioned a few pods ago about listening in reverse order as opposed to starting at episode one.

It's been going well for me as you get a little snippet of things to look forward to, such as waiting to find theette where Pete was for some reason completely naked as a surprise. Yeah, that happened. Why did you do that? Because I had to go and get a package from the reception.

I was touched as a child. I don't know. And what else? Oh, yeah, and various stories from the infamous pilot, infamous pilot Neil. And around the episode 50-ish mark, I got to see or hear the cocaine in the cockpit story that you've been mentioning every 10 episodes or so.

And being a pilot myself, I thought you'd like to hear about the time I flew a real left kidney from London to Edinburgh. So you still want to hear the story? Well, I'm just interested as to why he knew it was a left kidney. You shouldn't be looking at that box. It's nothing to do with you, mate. Fly the plane.

Maybe you'll find it. That was the brief of destruction he was given. Don't look at the box. Now, I know it's not a previously seized batch of cocaine, but I remember the chump from across the pond questioning the legality and general validity of the story. So here's a bit of insight into how it all comes together. We didn't know until the start of the day it would be happening,

but quite simply, we were met at the airplane before the passengers were being processed by a medical team who had signed over the organ to our flight dispatcher, who then basically signed it over to us. It was in one of those large white and red plastic carry cases you see in movies and had a big live organs message on it and also a tag on the outside

detailing it was a left kidney and also details of where it was going and to who of course we were a little nosy the idea being at the other end of scotland it would be passed over to a rival dispatcher and subsequently another medical team um you've bought two organs off the internet i'm really fantasizing about imagine if right you're in a coffee with a fucking kidney. You just open it up and give it a little bite. Okay, the Hannibal Lecter vibe. I can imagine, like, your teeth go in and go, like, imagine the first kind of, like,

the resistance of the side of the kidney as your teeth go into it. And then going, well, I fucked this. I should not have done this. And getting in so much trouble. Trying to smooth it over. Like, oh, what was that? That TV show. Well, that's Johnny Briggs.

Johnny Briggs. Yeah. I think I might have spoken about this episode before. It's the only episode of Johnny Briggs I remember where the brother Albert, our Albert, had eaten a slice of the engagement cake or a wedding cake that was in the basement of Johnny Briggs' house. And they managed to smooth it over by putting...

Toothpaste. Toothpaste and cardboard. I remember that. Toothpaste and cardboard to cover it. And obviously the ruse is up once people cut into it. I mean, this would be somewhat more serious, wouldn't it into it. I mean, this would be somewhat more serious,

wouldn't it? Yeah, I mean, you wouldn't go to prison for that, but you'd go to prison for eating. I thought you were

going to say, imagine if you're... My career is over because I was being stupid. Imagine you're happily flying this kidney. I'll say it's like a slightly longer flight

or whatever. Can you happily fly a kidney? Okay, you're flying a kidney. Someone's lost a kidney, someone needs a kidney. No, there's a great situation. Okay, you're flying a kidney. Someone's lost a kidney. Someone needs a kidney. Now there's a great situation.

Okay, you're flying a kidney. Right. Okay. I hope he's flying a plane, mate. Yeah, you're flying a plane that's got a kidney on board. And you know that the person you're taking the kidney to is like... Evil. 60 years old.

Yeah, right. Evil, yeah. And then it's a kidney failure from someone on board. 20 years old. They're a genius. They're from someone on board 20 years old they're a genius there's a chance they're going to change the world and there's another doctor on board who can do the transplant

there and then do you make the decision make the decision but then fly somewhere else and go oh I got lost where's the kidney who fucking knows mate

I ain't got a kidney here mate I've seen one no let me look at the what do they call it when they've got a list of the things that they've got on board the manifest let me look at the what do they call it when they've got a list of the things that they've got

the manifest let's look at the manifest no no can you imagine if you know someone ate a bit out of the kidney

and then he spent he said right to his co-pilot look just take over the controls for a bit and he's like digging into like a steak and kidney pie

trying to find a bit to put it in there well exactly because you'd be like where's the kidney and go what no everyone on board has the requisite amount of kidneys.

You could swap it with the old shitty one that the guy's got kidney failure. Yeah. Perfect. The perfect kidney crime. I mean, I feel like I should follow this before I finish the email. And this quite sort of macabre chat by saying, you know, organ donation is an important thing. And if you want more information. Well, they're changing it now

it's going to be opt out they're changing it to be opt out as it should be yeah absolutely I completely agree they they I can't remember

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I can't remember I can't remember I can't remember I can't remember I can Organdonation.nhs.uk for more information on that. Let me finish this email. I get texts from my blood bank a lot saying, right, we need your kind of blood. So you're overdrawn. So it's like a really polite vampire gun. Can I have some of your blood?

Yes, I'll show you how to get a free biscuit. The kidney sat there quite happily, as happily as a harvested kidney can. No passengers would have ever really known as during flight, no passengers are allowed into the cockpit. Only on the ground can this happen. Now, to contaminate anything anyway,

and the legal documentation was completed without any fuss the the other end i imagine a similar thing was probably done with the cocaine perhaps the one thing you'd have to question is with it being a domestic journey was it that urgent that the organ needed to go up on a commercial flight right we did think at the time that we were lucky we didn't have to consider diverting for any reason there was a lot of weight on our shoulders although it was because someone's going into a left kidney failure they've been a bloody good place for that anyway yeah um big up pilot neil uh look forward to hearing from him again keep up the good work guys gonna give the big 100th episode a listen now uh all the best pilot gav pilot govern pilot neil so my rather garbled reading of that last paragraph is basically that

i think he's saying that um if there was a medical emergency on board and they had to divert, if it was a left kidney, then they would have been laughing, which is similar to what I was saying. So you preempted their... But they couldn't. But they couldn't. They didn't have to do that anyway. Can Pilot Neil and Pilot Gav, they could just sort out their own manifest and their route so they fly alongside each other and wave at each other. That would be a... Look up at you and then mid-air collision.

Yeah, that would be it. Kidneys everywhere. I was about to say that would be a massive contravention. And the BBC would be reporting, the Luke and Pete show pilots, Pilot Gav and Pilot Neil have died in a spectacular mid-air collision. Yeah. It's what the Luke and Pete show would have wanted.

Hashtag big love. Hashtag left kidney. Hashtag left kidney. Hashtag episode 110. That voice is why you will never write for the BBC. No, my accent. No, they love an accent. And my crimes.

My past crimes. Do you want to do an email, Pete? I want to do an email. Yeah, it's on my phone because I was using it for Skype earlier. Actually, I removed the thingy to find the Cheetos story. Hello. Mark Chilton.

Chilts. He's always emailing. Oh, really? Well, anyway, only Luke mentioning it very late on episode 101. Did it remind me about the whole hotel room toilet blockage incident with the shower curtain? Oh, yes. So to bring people up to speed, Pete made up a story

about a shower curtain being stuck in a toilet and it came from the hotel room next door with a grabby hand grabby hand because Pete is a man that belongs

on the fringes of our society yeah I've I don't know I've got a new smartphone not smartphone smartwatch

and sometimes it'll just kind of it'll kind of hear what someone's saying and try and Google it so fair dues of hear what someone's saying and try and Google it. So fair dues. It's done a pretty decent job of what I said in the last five minutes.

That's gone. It's gone. I just said hashtag mid-air collision. Hashtag all that stuff. I think I've just tweeted. Yeah, having used, basically, I'm here to tell you that I'm with Pete in the fact that I think this could happen

what? having used a mechanical snake in inverted commas which sounds sexy many many times in my life I think this could

technically happen although I wouldn't recommend shoving one down a toilet because the force of them could quite comfortably crack the porcelain they do kind of have

a mind of their own the point of the mechanical snake is to find it its way around tight bends by twisting clockwise whilst moving forward at the same time. To take it back out, you reverse it, spinning it anticlockwise and pulling it backwards. This is all done using a switch for forward and backwards

and a trigger for movement. As stated previously, the point of it is to get around tight bends, and seeing as hotel toilets are often back-to-back, then this makes the possibility of it coming up through another toilet not that odd, in my opinion. It's literally just a fork in the road, Luke, in many ways. Once through the toilet, if one was to keep their finger on the trigger, then the snake would have a lot of slack and would swing wildly

when it came out the other toilet. That can be quite lethal, and you could easily lose an eye if you were not careful of one. On the end of the snake is a sharp barbed wire, or barbed-type wire, for grabbing the blockage-slash-sh slash shower curtain once the snake has the curtain in its grubby mitts there will be no way of letting it go once put in reverse i see no reason why a shower curtain all wrapped up through the constant spinning wouldn't fit through a toilet in short i'm on pete's side here i reckon it happened last time i checked mythbusters were running short on

ideas maybe they could give it a go all the the best. Keep it a good work. Mark. Well, the thing is, Mark, I mean, saying that in a way that is actually possible and not immediately ruled out by the laws of physics that govern the universe doesn't make it likely that it's happened, does it? It can technically happen. I'm going to need some sort of video experiment where it doesn't work for a hotel.

Yeah. Do you want to? Yeah. I i mean i haven't read the ps yet so you better temper how rude you are about mark oh okay he's offering stuff oh is he okay which case i completely can we just can we strike that comment ps luke mentioned the wife likes afternoon to the wife the wife likes that wife likes afternoon tea uh we do a decent one here if you haven't been. I'm sure I could get some extra pastries and sandwiches thrown in. Mark Shelton, Assistant Chief Engineer at the Dorchester.

I'm in. So he's got the hotel now. He's got the hotel knowledge. I want to be in on this Dorchester afternoon tea. Yeah, no worries. I go in there

every now and again to do interviews and the sandwiches are tip top. Yeah, you should come along. It's not just my wife that likes afternoon tea. I like it as well.

The wife. Yeah. I would never refer to her's not just my wife that likes Halfling Tea. I like it as well. The wife. Yeah. I would never refer to her as the wife unless it was a joke. Her indoors. Yeah. The trouble and strife. The old handbrake. What does that mean?

The handbrake? It stops you from going anywhere, doesn't it? It stops you from doing anything. And the ball and chain is another one, isn't it? It's another one. Aren't men pricks? Aren't we pricks? We should get Mark at the Dorchester to do a video experiment of that

and see if he can make it happen. I like that he's got a grabber in a cupboard somewhere. I just Googled it and there's like 350 pounds. On the front lawn of the Dorchester, we could do some grabbing. We could grab like a shake or something. I'm thinking of the Savoy, which is off the Strand. Where is the Dorchester? I'm thinking of the... I'm not telling you who goes to the Dorchester. It's usually Sheck's. I'm thinking of the Savoy,

which is off the Strand. Where is the Dorchester? Dorchester. Oh no, it's not on Park Lane, is it? It's in the middle of... It's behind Bond Street. Is it? Okay. Dorchester.

I'm not really... I don't think I've been there. I've got another email from Andy. Remember Andy? He who had never had a crisp before. Sorry, the Dorchester is on Park Lane. Great. Thanks for the great outpitch. Andy, who's never had a crisp before. Sorry, the Dorchester is on Park Lane. Great. Thanks for the outpeach.

Andy, who's never had a crisp before, made the episode 100 lineup of the best ever moment. He's got back in touch. Hi, chaps. I cannot believe I've made the episode 100 lineup a mixture of pride and embarrassment. I mean, that means people think I'm weirder than wanking with bread.

It's true. Despite Pete Spears. Is that weirder? I think that might be weird that you've never had a crisp because Deviant's coming all kind of ships and sizes but that was a new one for me.

Yeah, I think it's a fair point. He says, despite Pete's fears, I'm not dead, but I am still crisp free. I'm actually down from Scotland to London in November on a lad's weekend.

I don't know if that's a lad's weekend or a hashtag lad's weekend. Right. My friend John, who will be with me, is also a listener and was giddy at the prospect of me joining in with the show, but I just can't face it.

I forgot to email back with your original questions about my general potato feelings. I do eat potatoes and I do eat chips. Of course you do, you're Scottish. And I'm saying that as a man who's half Scottish, so I'm allowed to say that. Does this make me a fraud? Perhaps, but it just shows the observity of my fear of crisps.

Who's Scottish? Is it your mum or your dad? My mum. Oh. Mum's side of the fam. Whoa, is your mum Scottish? Was she born in Scotland? She wasn't born in Scotland, no.

Right, well, that's not Scottish. But her parents are. Rubbish. Well, then you're a quarter. I'm a quarter Scottish. Okay, I'm still allowed to say Scottish people like eating chips. All right.

I'm half Welsh, and they all have sex with chips. With chips. And half of them have sex with chips. All right. I'm half Welsh, and they all have sex with chips. With chips. And half of them have sex with sheep. Andy finishes, glad to have contributed to what is an excellent podcast. Always good for listening when out on a run. Luke, I follow you on Strava.

I don't know why. All the best. Oh, that's the running thing. All you absolute bellends share your running stats. Oh, I've been running over here today. Do you want to do the same quicker? I'll just say, there ain't many stats for me to share. But I think Andy's got to come in and eat a crisp.

I think he has to. I'm trying to find Scottish potato crisps, but all I can see is Mackey's. Yeah, Mackey's is one. Tato's is Irish, isn't it? Tato's is a Seabrook Scottish. Oh, I don't know. A Seabrook's crisp.

You know them, yeah? Yes, I do. They're quite delicious. They're quite delicious. They're from Bradford, apparently. So that's a false alarm. A false alarm. I'd like to see Andy come in.

I think we can get a video or get it on audio of him eating a crisp for the first time. Andy, we can make it like a ready salted, easy one to get down there. I'll just get one of those ones that has the flavour packet I'm reliably informed those still exist

Salt and Shake Salt and Shake you can't get them anymore surely not maybe they sort of relaunched them for a giggle possibly like a Justin Lee Collins

type vehicle or whatever Oi whatever happened to Salt and Shake Chris right yeah whatever happened to yeah Leon Trotsky well we know

yeah we know what happened we know the Stranglers don't. We know the Stranglers. Don't we? Why are the Stranglers? Every new single they had sounded different from the last. Peaches. Whatever happened to... All the other songs.

Peaches. Golden Brown. Yeah, Peaches is one of my dad's favourite songs. Because he's a dirty pervert, that's why. Oh, that is... It's a song about looking at arses. That is outrageous. It's a great song, though, isn't it?

Yeah. Yeah, there we go. Typical English block. Yeah. Looking at arses. He is outrageous. It's a great song though, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, there we go. Typical English block. Yeah. Looking at arses. He is English actually, my dad. Not like Scottish. How's Stuart Donaldson, by the way?

He's alright. He popped down for a couple of days. I saw a picture of you with him and your mum. He's, yeah, he was in fine fettle. He was on good form, me dad. Did he stay at your place? He didn't, no. He stayed in a hotel.

They're obsessed with this particular hotel in Russell Square. And it's like this old kind of, I think it's brutalist, you'd probably call it, sort of 60s, 70s building in Russell Square. And it's just a foul. But they just get a little breakfast. They love a little breakfast, me mum and dad. How does your dad's, because your dad, people who listen to this show regularly will know

that your dad's sleep pattern is specialist. Yeah. He gets up at one in the morning. How does that work when he comes down for the weekend? He muscles through. He, uh, he has got,

um, a terrible knee, um, requires a stick nowadays. He sort of took the longest time to sort of, um, get off a crutch because he was like, a crutch is temporary.

His stick is permanent. Right. Uh, and he was very kind of like reticent to, to, to stop using a crutch. How long did he have the crutch for? He's had it for like,

he had it for like two years, and now he's started using the stick that I bought from that posh stick shop on New Oxford Street. And yeah, he takes a lot of tramadol for that. So yeah, he sleeps like a baby down here. Right, good. He takes a lot of tramadol for his knee. Well, send him the best from me and all the listeners.

And at least it's not an emotional crutch like this show is for you and I. Massively. My kidneys hurt. Let's get out of here. Let's it's not an emotional crutch like this show is for you and I massively yeah my kidneys hurt let's get out of here let's get out of here I've enjoyed this show Luke

you've been unruly today I've not you've been in a very fruity mood live and unleashed yeah you have been yeah alright

let's get out of here see you next week no we'll see you on Thursday I have no I have special weeks that are three days long so go fuck yourself.