The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 105: Biting a kidney

Episode Date: October 8, 2018

Welcome back to The Luke and Pete show, where your two eponymous antiheroes wait in situ to waste another 35 minutes of your time. It's tough work, but someone's got to do it. This time around, it's a protein-heavy edition as Pete tucks into eggs and spinach while talking about diets.After that an actual real-life doctor gets in touch to discuss the best way to transport and transplant a kidney (clue: don't take a bite out of it), and then we get into the realms of Jurassic Park with a live orchestra, the absolute state of some of the things dinner ladies used to serve up to school kids, and a legend of The Luke and Pete Show finally gets in touch. Don't miss it!To tell us about the worst food you had served up at school, or indeed anything else for that matter: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Luke and Pete Show I am the Pete Bit I'm joined by the Luke Bit Alright My Luke Bit on the side That's me Luke, I was wondering why the music was so loud in my headphones. It's because I turned up my headphones really loud.

Okay, that's that mystery solved. That's mystery solved, isn't it? Call me Hercule Poirot. I've changed my Twitter bio to Pete Donaldson's side bitch. Yeah. Because that's me, really, isn't it? Exactly. No one's successfully managed to ascertain whether you're my sidekick or I'm your sidekick.

I very much feel like your sidekick. I think we're very much 50-50 in this relationship, to be honest. It's depressing, isn't it? It is a little bit, yeah. Why are you wearing a hat in the studio? It's gone from being very cool, it's gone from being incredibly warm in the studio to you wearing a woolly hat.

Well, a couple of reasons. One is because it was a bit nippy this morning when I left the house. And two, because I'm toying with the idea of growing my hair longer. Oh, wow. And I'm in that in-between stage at the moment. In-between. And my hair is, as you know, quite voluminous. So are you going to do,

because your hair, if it went any longer than your shoulders, would be a bit poodle permy. No, it doesn't. It would be a bit Yannick Gers. I'm very happy to hear that. I'm very happy to be compared to that great man. But when it goes longer,

it actually goes a little bit wavier. It's not as curly. It's not like a proper tight curl. Not that. But yeah, there you go. So that's why I'm wearing the hat. Mike, do you want to ask me why I'm eating eggs? I know why you're eating eggs and spinach,

because you're eating an egg and spinach protein pot from Waitrose, and I know exactly why, because you're in one of those phases you sometimes get into where you're probably going to the gym a bit more and you need protein. That's basically the reason. I just kind of wanted an egg but I saw the egg and I thought, that looks nice. I don't eat enough eggs. Who even says that?

But the egg looked like pickled eggs. I was like, oh, that looks nice. But I was remembering pickled eggs. Yeah, they're really bland. It's like when you have cabbage for me if i have if someone offers me up cabbage i'm not bothered about it shredded cabbage i'll have it on a roast dinner i'll i'll eat it i'll call up the texture but um you've got to really dress up cabbage to make it interesting that's what i'm saying pickled red

cabbage is pickled red cabbage is up there. Normal green cabbage shredded. I mean, it doesn't matter how much you season it. It's so bland. It absorbs. It's like a black hole of flavour. It just sucks everything in. Exactly. So you're not, what do people who go to the gym say?

You're not loading or cutting? Carb loading. I don't know what it means, no. No, okay. So you're one of those people who just goes down the gym, just hits it hard and finishes. Yeah, I don't think you should what's the little gifs you get of people not doing

there was a man who insisted I do hi my name's Steve I'm making sure that nobody goes on the gym floor without a a sweat towel

I was like I don't understand sweat towels because I don't I mean I don't sweat when I lift because all I'm doing when I lift but all I do

is do the lifty thing so I don't really sweat you just go yeah and then leave like you don't leave any sweat behind really I lift, but all I do is do the lifty thing. So I don't really sweat. You just go, and then leave. You don't leave any sweat behind, really, I don't think. Some people do. But do you rub the machines or do you rub yourself to stop yourself sweating onto the machines? That's what I don't understand.

Well, I think you would rub the machine when you're finished. That's what I do, but I mean... I mean, you're very much of the build of someone who's, you know, you're like a vegetarian's toothpick, aren't you? You're not like a big a big frame you know as the japanese might say what does that mean toothpick yeah okay right good stuff well recently on the luke and pete show we have talked about just giving people a bit of a an update a bit bring them up to speed jack johnson first black heavyweight champion of the world oh yes legendary

athlete incredible man Great guitarist. Great singer. Great performer. Reincarnated as a quite middle of the road singer-songwriter. Is that the one that goes We're no much better when we're together? I can imagine the original Jack Johnson being sickened. Absolutely sickened by that, that namesake.

Anyway, a bit of him. A man who got stuck in a toilet block in Croatia. Oh, yeah. We haven't heard back from him. He is hopefully well. A man who was hit in the face by a seal carrying an octopus. Brilliant. That still lives long in the memory.

They were the three highlights for me. I don't know about you, Peter. I've been re-watching that man fall, like sliding in a full football kit, sliding down the centre of a escalator on the London Tube. Enjoyable, yeah. I sort of stopped looking at it for a bit and then I've started again. It's just, it's got everything for me, to be honest. It's got a man getting hit in the balls with a triangle.

A metal triangle. A metal triangle like that. And then him bouncing. But all the while, his face sort of showing some real puzzling qualities, I think. He's like, genuinely, how has this happened to me? Why will it not stop? Yeah. And he's very much brought it upon himself i think drink had been

taken do you reckon i think so yeah i did i must admit i did slide down the center of an escalator once in prague when i was for the joys of spring and uh genuinely quite fun yeah so i recommend it unless there's obstacles in the way which that man very much experienced the detail of the escalator guy you're referring to there the detail i enjoyed the most and sometimes with these types of videos which fly around the internet it's the little devil in the detail that's nice the best thing for that

for me is I think he's in a football kit as in he's been playing football so to me that says I've been out playing five a side I've sweated a lot

yeah I've had a few beers and that session has overrun and now I'm drunk didn't plan to next thing I know I'm on my arse

on the escalator I can't remember the last time I was wearing a full kit you were wearing a full kit yesterday no but after taking alcohol after a football

match effectively I was in my gym gear yesterday I wasn't in a football kit if you don't mind me saying Pete and this may be

stepping outside of the bounds of our relationship but you are not someone who likes to go to the pub after football because I think

you find it too manly yeah I do I think unless you're too manly. Yeah, I do. I think unless you're having a proper session. Whereas for me, it's the only reason I play football. Unless you're having a proper session, there's bloody no point. I think you're one of those people who likes to, and this show is partly me psychoanalyzing you,

and I make no apology for that. You know, that Blooming podcast is getting all depressed at the moment. Where should we begin? I'm talking about therapy. I've been doing this for you for over a year I've been doing this, and no one's given me any credit for it I'm on a shit long you Wes yes I'm not qualified

I'm having a lie down but I think you're one of those people Pete that has to plan a session in advance yeah you can't spontaneously do it no

you want to be in control don't you drinking in the day because that's when it would usually start happening it would start happening at about 5 o'clock it's too early

it's too early 5 is late that's late too early my favourite thing. It would start happening at about five o'clock. It's too early. It's too early. Five is late. That's late. Too early. My favourite thing to do, well, not my favourite thing to do, because that would be depressing. My favourite thing to do is spend time with my lovely wife.

One of my other favourite things to do. Does she listen? Just in case she does. One of my other favourite things to do is to meet some pals on perhaps a rainy Sunday for a Sunday lunch in a nice pub and just tie one on. Just stay there. Tie one on?

What does that mean? Where's that come from do you reckon? It just means to carry on. Give it a Google. Carry on boozing. Just before we move on because we were talking a second ago about eggs and protein and I suppose in a weird way diet. You and I were having a conversation about dieting and diets before we came on weren't we? Were we?

Oh yes we were. Yeah fad diets and stuff. Someone once told me, and I am someone, I said to you earlier, who has probably cumulatively, although that is quite a hard word for me to say clearly, cumulatively,

probably put on and lost 15 stone in my entire life because I fluctuate quite wildly. And a piece of advice I was given, and I understand

there's people out there with medical problems and reasons why they've got different weight issues. I get that. But I'm just generally speaking, and I'm speaking to someone who is one of those people, every single diet ever invented can be superseded by the four words, move more, eat less. If you keep that in your mind, you'll be fine.

My M1. And the reason I'm saying that is because it annoys me when I flick on a news website or open a newspaper at the Metro or something, which is a rag, by the way, and it says, oh, new miracle diet by Gwyneth Paltrow. It's all bollocks. It's absolute bollocks. I'm married to a

scientist. I know people who work in this area, and it's all nonsense. And this is a fat guy saying that. So if I can admit it, you guys can admit it as well. Well, yeah, exactly. I mean, I don't know why I'm not losing weight, except I do, because I eat very sensibly Monday through Thursday. And then Friday and Saturday, I drink heavily. And not just, you know, not a nice clear alcohol,

which again still has a lot of calories in it. The Pete Donaldson diet. Very much stellar. Very much stellar, I drink. Are you really getting into Stella? I just like a fizzy lager. It doesn't fuck about. Yeah, but it doesn't have to be Stella.

Stella to me is far too... It's got a very, very strong flavour, Stella. No, I think it's just really fizzy and just kind of aggressive. You wouldn't have a pale ale, no? That's fizzy and cold. No. No, is it even fizzy, pale ale?

Yeah, a lot of them are, yeah. Camden Pale Ale is a delicious drop. A delicious drop a delicious drop the second night I'll go for an IPA because it's a lot harder to drink yeah okay right

so it forces you to not drink as much yeah exactly I'm getting the edge where I find it very difficult to drink on the second day it's very upsetting

I don't know how I do it I reached that particularly dubious milestone quite a while ago and just to find on that point when I put on weight I never not know why I'm doing it yeah exactly I reached that particularly dubious milestone quite a while ago. And just to find on that point, when I put on weight,

I never not know why I'm doing it. Yeah, exactly. If I stop running, my form of exercise I like to do is to run. I genuinely enjoy it. I know a lot of people think it's boring, but I find it quite enjoyable. If I don't do it and I eat whatever I want,

I put on weight. And my only fitness I have, it's not even fitness it's just I go in and lift some weights that's not going to make you lose weight is it I'm not going to suddenly go oh I've suddenly got abs

because I've been lifting well it's clearly that's not going to happen is it you're quite ripped though you've got to you've got to not on my stomach I've become more

triangular over the last few months I quite enjoy it though I fit it into my routine if I don't do it I genuinely feel a bit a bit antsy that's good that's important I think I'm quite envious of the last few months. I quite enjoy it though. I fit it into my routine. If I don't do it, I genuinely feel a bit antsy. That's good. That's important, I think.

I'm quite envious of the situation you've articulated there, which is that Monday to Thursday you find it quite easy to do the right things, but the weekend, that's a fairly common thing. For me, it's a different one.

Mine is from breakfast time around to about six o'clock i can make all the best dietary decisions i'll have i'll have my favorite breakfast to have will be like a porridge with some fruit and stuff i'll eat a healthy lunch and then a lot of time i'll have quite a healthy dinner as well the problem is the dinner i have way too much of it because i'm really hungry by that point yeah and after that i just put a load of sweets in my mouth i think also I think also I think you but yeah I mean that was my big thing every time I've eaten

something savoury I've always gone for something sweet afterwards which is always a disaster and then you have something savoury again and then something sweet again but like in the evenings

I guess because you I guess cook at home I mean as I've said before I use my oven as storage yeah what's in your oven at the moment

just some trays just some metal trays. I mean, they belong in there. Bag of cement gone hard. I've got to get rid of a fucking desk, Luke. I bought about seven years ago. I had a little office. I've seen it.

It's a nice desk. And I bought myself a nice kind of 1950s, 1960s kind of Swedish, quite expensive sort of desk. It was originally like a dresser sort of desk. It was originally like a dresser sort of thing. Aren't you trying to sell it to

Cameraman Sam? No. You sent a message the other day with me copied in saying to Cameraman Sam here's my desk.

Yeah. Now I was just upset that I have to sell it because I'm quite sad about it and I really like it. Because I had a little and I bought like a

really 70s kind of office chair. But the problem is I've upgraded to one of those kind of big sort of gamers chairs, really soft. I like the one I bought like a really 70s kind of office chair but the problem is I've upgraded to one of those kind of big sort of gamers chairs really soft

like the one I'm sat in really a really soft kind of supported just because I used to spend a lot of time on that computer editing fucking podcasts

so well get an editing chair not a gamers chair well it's the same it's just a soft chair isn't it for idiots with a high back and I'm sat there and I can't get, it's the same thing. It's just a soft chair, isn't it, for idiots, with a high back.

And I'm sat there, and I can't get, because it's a bit bigger than my other chair, my 70s business chair, I can't get it underneath the table properly. So now I'm having to get rid of my nice Swedish chair. You don't need to do that. You mean your desk? You don't need to do that.

Sorry, yes. You don't need to do that. Just build the desk up on some books. No, it won't fit. There's a very small alcove for me to do that. Sorry, yes. You don't need to do that. Just build the desk up on some books. No, it won't fit. There's a very small alcove for me to move into. It's a width issue, not a height issue. In which case, yeah. Oh, the chair's adjustable.

It makes a gamer's chair. Does it vibrate? Oh, we should get one each and we can be like Ross and Joey and Friends. Joey and Chandler and Friends. Oh, man. Never mind. There we go.

Very quickly before we move on to the interesting part of the show, for those of you who are still listening. What? That's not in the fucking plan. I went to go and see Jurassic Park with a live orchestra last week. Oh, nice.

Okay. Yeah. Very good. A lot of seats yet to book out, I imagine. Yeah. It was good. What are we talking about? Because you go to the live orchestra.

I get it. Yeah, but I mean, come on. I didn't book tickets for all of them. Did they have a spare chair for the cellos? As I said to you on... Did I say to you on the mean come on I didn't book tickets for all of them did they have a spare chair for the cellos as I said to you on did I say to you on the ramble or did I just say to you

in person I went to go and see the Czech National Symphony last week with Joseph Park it was really fun though it was a really good idea and it was beautifully executed

the conductor had this lap so they play they play the movie up on the big screen and they subtitle the film so you can still see that so you don't have like a violin playing sam neill's um vocal yeah yeah yeah that wasn't a violin what was it yeah that was again a little bit they do move in hearts have you seen Jurassic Park

life finds a way and they show the film up on the big screen with subtitles and they have an orchestra obviously in the orchestra pit below it and the orchestra

are facing away from the film but the conductor is facing to the film obviously and he's got a laptop on his desk in front of him

and I could see his laptop from where I was sat, and the film that he was watching on his laptop had like a timing bar go across it like that, like the audio here. Like DDR, Dance Dance Revolution. Yeah, based on that. And so, but the thing is, right, if you think about it, so, okay, the film starts, and they play the opening credits,

easy, right? It's a sound mix, so, okay, the film starts and they play the opening credits, easy, right? It's a sound mix as nightmare. Exactly, Peter. I thought you'd be really fascinated by it purely because the example I'm going to give I think is a fascinating one. So they play the opening credits,

that's easy because the conductor just brings them in, keeps them in time, does all his usual thing and it ends when it's supposed to end. But, given that they're responsible

for every piece of music in the film, the bits in movies that make you jump, it's the sound that makes you jump, every piece of music in the film the bits in movies that make you jump yeah it's the sound that makes you jump right yeah it's not the vision people think it's the vision but it's not when i was at uni we did a thing on that in one of my film modules where we watched a horror film without any sound it's not scary yeah it doesn't make any difference you're just watching some weird shit on the screen it's the it's the atmosphere that makes you scared so they're responsible for the atmosphere and there's a bit in, well, there's several parts

of the movie where, I don't know, when a dinosaur jumps into the scene or something pops through a piece of glass or whatever. How the hell do you do

the timing on that? It was perfect. Absolutely perfect and the violins that are responsible for the high-pitched stuff, they're not even facing the screen.

But it was still perfect. I was honestly so impressed and at one point for about half an hour because I had an intermission so the whole thing was just over two hours I think

at one point for about half an hour I forgot the orchestra was there I was just watching the film wonderful yeah it was brilliant it was really good

Royal Albert Hall it was fantastic a mate had to well he didn't have to it was an idea that he had he put on the London Palladium

the music of Skyrim, I think it was. Right. The video game Skyrim. Basically, he got... Just like your video game chair. He got a... He only fit 100 people in there because of all these massive chairs. He got an orchestra.

I can't remember where they were from. They might have been Czech, actually. Anyway, they came over and performed. They'd been sent the music beforehand, obviously. But their first rehearsal was on the day of this music, which is incredible, just being that talented that you just know timing, what to do, and know how to play it together.

That's how you want to do live ramble shows. You don't want to rehearse. Fuck that. Fuck that noise. You're not as talented as them. Yeah, good point. Should we hear from people Who are more talented than us

After the break Yeah let's take a break And then realise That the other Essential ingredient Is a scotch bonnet That is Keith

Chief Keith Chief Keith He got in touch Oh yes Didn't he So hello at Lukeandpetecher.com If you want to get in touch

And make a contribution We'd always be happy To hear from you Legendary YouTuber Keith Cooks Or Keith Cooks Keith Cooks So hello at LukeandPetra.com if you want to get in touch and make a contribution. We'd always be happy to hear from you. Legendary YouTuber Keith Cooks, or Keith Cooks, isn't it? Keith Cooks. Yeah. Heard about you waxing lyrical about his YouTube channel. Just give people a sentence or two about who Keith Cooks is.

Adorable man, looks a little bit like the Colonel Cooks. Good old-fashioned British food, including a long egg, notably. Yes, and so he's got in touch. Using a waste pipe. Yeah, yeah. So the long egg is a legendary part of the Luke and Pete show, Pantheon, so go back and check it out if you haven't already.

Keith himself actually got in touch. Is it fair to say, Pete, when I told you that Keith had got in touch, you shit yourself a little bit? Oh, massively, yeah. I thought he was going to hit me around the head with a waste pipe. Because you thought I've been mean about him.

After a couple of IPAs. You thought, I've taken the piss out of the guy. I don't take the piss out of the guy. Well, no, I think I treated him, and I think we both did treat him and his oeuvre with a lot of love. Because I think he makes me smile.

Oh, somebody backtracking. I smell some backtracking. Did not. Did not. I said he was quite adorable. I smell some backtracking. Did not. Did not. I said he was quite adorable. I'd say he was nervous.

It's quite a nervous presentational style like we all have. How many nervous presenters do you see around here? Only one?

This is your Jim White this. Like when I slagged off Jim White and I had to go and work with him. I had to front up about it.

You put it in a book. That's even worse. I fronted up about it and Jim was absolutely a complete gentleman about it. He I had to front up about it. You put it in a book. That's even worse. I fronted up about it and Jim was absolutely a complete gentleman about it. He was like, don't worry about it.

This sort of thing happens. Forget about it. Don't worry about it. It's fine. He made me the smallest man in the world by being the biggest man in the world himself.

He fronted you with a yellow tie. Anyway, Keith Cooks. Why did you even admit that? What do you mean? Only admit something when they found out about it. Well, that's not a way to live your life, is it?

You've got to own the narrative. Own the narrative. If you and I run the country, you're Prime Minister, I'm your Malcolm Tucker, and I say, tomorrow morning, there's a chance someone's going to find out about you with those gaming chairs, you've got to come out and make a statement. You've got to own it.

No, but I only think you brought this up because a couple of people tweeted you and CC'd'd him in and i hate when people do that because it's proper telltale tit your tongue will split and all little doggies will have a bit they're gonna do a lot more of it now anyway back to keith cooks he says he finally got in touch emailed he must have heard about the show someone must have done exactly what you said there yeah telltale tit your tongue will split yeah and all little doggies will have a little bit yeah uh he says hello ch, somebody just told me about your podcast. Ominous start.

Yeah. You know the one, episode 100. It wasn't episode 100, was it? It was, because remember, we revisited all of the old topics.

Great, okay. I'm not going to tell him where the old one is. Okay. Many thanks for featuring the bloody long egg and saying some nice things about me. I'll give you a shout out in my next video. Hey.

And I'll be more than happy to chat to you in a future podcast if you like. By the way, what's the best way to link to your podcast or do you have a youtube channel a youtube channel cheers nervously incompetently eccentrically endearingly keith bs i've actually done over 350 videos to search harder pete now that implies to me that keith cooks is going to do a video featuring us yes now i mean how would i check that just go to his youtube channel i guess he'll probably just say and hello to the viewers of, of listeners of the Luke and Pitch Up.

I mean, he assumes that we've got a YouTube channel. That guy's such a teenager, honestly. God. Yeah. God, have you got a YouTube channel? No. We're on school. We're podcasts.

How do you feel about him actually knowing about it? He's actually got quite a lot of subscribers now, by the way. Yeah, I know. He's always had quite a lot of subscribers. That's how I found him. Actually, I think I might have found him on Boing Boing because he's sort of doing

this long egg thing. You found that out around the same time you found that YouTube channel of a guy who hasn't got that many subscribers who spends all his time eating old war rations,

which for me was very unlucky to miss out on the top five because I love that. Eating a hard tack. He ate a US Civil War biscuit. Yeah, incredible. It was just like eating a mothball apparently

because it's just old carbon. Yeah, I bet it would have been in some sort of state. So yeah, that was the first. It was only fair that we opened the email section with that. Oh, good old Keith.

I would really like to do an email from... We will have to get Keith on the phone and have a little chat. All right, yeah, sounds good. At some point we will. I want to do an email

from Dr. Robert Tyler. Uh-oh, it's a doctor yeah now trouble last week or the week before um i forget now we talked about um pilot gav yes pilot gav is the new pilot neil although we've got a fleet we've got a fleet of airlines we've got a couple of pilots now the airline is getting closer to fruition. And he talked about, as Pilot Neil famously talked about, transporting cocaine for a court case. Cocaina. Cocaina.

Pilot Gav talked about transporting a kidney for transplant from, I think, London to Glasgow or something like that. And we, Pete, you were on brand. I asked a lot of pointless questions. We were both on brand. I asked a lot of pointless questions we were both on brand I asked a lot of pointless probably quite boring questions and you asked and you asked

if you could eat it or something no how much trouble would you get in if you just chomped a bit of it well allow allow Dr. Robert Tyler to pick up the story

he says dear Luke and Pete I've been a regular listener for a while now I listened with great interest to your conversation about the pilot with the transplant kidney on board

and the resulting shambolic medical discussions that followed. Yeah, neither of us went to medical school. Is he going to have a go at me buying antibiotics off the internet from Pakistan?

He doesn't mention that, really. You didn't use them anyway, did you? No, I didn't. He says, I have now finished a year of research, but I've been training

to be a surgeon for the last four years. Hot dog. And just completed a year of research, but I've been training to be a surgeon for the last four years. Hot dog. And just completed a year of renal transplant. I feel relatively well-placed to contribute to this discussion, both in a jovial and slightly more serious manner. I mean, just a little bit. A whole year of replacing. But before I go into this, Pete, he signs himself off as Dr. Robert Tyler.

But I think when you become a surgeon, you become Mr., don't you? Oh, do you? Yeah. Now, Dr. Robert Tyler can pull me up on this, but I think when you become a surgeon, you become Mr., don't you? Oh, do you? Yeah, now, I think Dr. Robert Tyler can pull me up on this, but I think I'm right in saying, and the reason I know this is because my granddad had quite a serious piece of surgery a few years ago, and the doctor was called Mr. And he asked me to go along because my nan's passed away now,

so he said, will you come along with me and just go to the consultant? And I said, yeah. And I asked the guy why surgeons are called Mr. and not doctor. Should you not be concentrating on your granddad's health? I said, we'll do it in a minute. Get out of the way in a minute. But just very quickly, I have a few questions. And he said to me something along the lines of,

and I hope I don't do him a disservice here, that I think way back in the day, surgery was considered quite cavalier and quite cowboy. And it was so unspecific and unscientific it didn't really work so they wouldn't would obviously didn't work as often as it does now if you know what i mean because they weren't as good and also it's incredibly risky yeah so they were the kinds of medicine yeah and i don't think they wanted them to be seen as actual doctors so traditionally i've always been called mr which is a shame because mr you go through a heart transplant. You go through years and years

of becoming a doctor and if you want to choose to go down the surgery route you lose it. Anyway back to Dr. Robert Tyler he says

number one if Pete did decide to bite the kidney Hannibal Lecter style it may not be transplantable oh sorry it may not be

untransplantable but it would certainly put a fly on the ointment. Kidneys sometimes have biopsies pre-transplantation and these need stitching up to stop them oh sorry it may not be untransplantable but it would certainly put a fly on the ointment kidneys sometimes have biopsies pre-transplantation and these need stitching up

to stop them bleeding heavily a nibble would probably be salvageable but a bite wouldn't and lead this to say can you please never do this

I just enjoyed the dynamic of like the core pilot going over the box behind the pilot and just nibbling on it like whilst maintaining eye contact

with the pilot and like and if I was the pilot I'd be like on it like whilst maintaining eye contact with the pilot and like and if i was the pilot i'd be like what else will he do you really are a disgusting man what else will he do number two do you remember that it was very clearly pointed out by pilot gav that the kidney was a left kidney now according to dr robert tyler left kidneys have a longer renal vein as it needs to cross the midline of the body to join the inferior vena cava, the biggest boat vein in the body. So surgeons prefer these

because they have a bit of a stretch, so to speak. Right. So they will always go for a left kidney. Bit of slack. And number three, the opt-out program is a good idea in terms of donation of organs. However, you should still tell your loved ones

you wish your organs to be donated as when faced with the situation, a lot of potential kidneys are not transplanted due to family wishes as they have, in quotes, never had the discussion. Kind regards,

Dr. Tyler. If any of my family are listening to this, I would like to donate my organs if something bad happens to me and I'm sure you would like to do the same thing,

Peter. You can have half of them. The rest I'm going to feed as awful to dogs. If Pete does declare now that he would like to donate his kidneys, I would just say to everyone listening, tread carefully.

Don't tread on them. My mum and dad were going to be, they signed up to a situation, a program to get their bodies donated to Newcastle University. But then for whatever reason, it was going to be a bit of a fart on. I mean, not for them. Let's make that very clear. They'll be dead. So they've given up on the idea.

And it's like... What do you mean by that? I don't know, but there was some kerfuffle. In the same manner that they're really scared that clearing out the loft might be a bit too much of a pain. Apparently getting a body, getting their bodies up to Newcastle University would be too much trouble for us,

so they've given up on it. It's such a bad end. What do you make of those people who had themselves cryogenically frozen in the hope that in the future they'll be able to be reanimated? I mean, it's probably not the worst idea in the world. Don't you think it seems like a colossal waste of time,

even though technology's moved on to such an extent? I think it frees sperm, sperm, can't it? It frees eggs, eggs. Why not freeze a body? Well, it's different. What do you mean? You freeze it whatever you want. But it's not...

I mean, you freeze something that small and that's sort of microscopic. It's different to freezing an entire body. Yeah, I know. I realise that, but... That's the problem I have with it. The beef I had with that guy... Do you remember that sort of...

I think he's Italian. I forget his name. Quite a sort of cavalier um pioneering um surgeon who declared that he was going to become the first surgeon to do a head transplant yeah is he pioneering or just a bit fucking mad why are they mutually exclusive but my issue with it is how it was reported it's not it's not a head it's a body. The head supersedes the body in this. Does it? If it's a transplant

like that, it's a body transplant. Nah, look at the percentages. You're more body than head, aren't you? Yeah, but the head's more important. No, I'd say

the circulatory system where the heart is is probably more important. You can live with a fake heart. You can't live with a fake brain. Actually, I'm starting

to reconsider that. I'm starting to reconsider that. I'm starting to reconsider that. Pointing at the old noggin. Yeah. But it was, it was a really macabre and quite fascinating story in a bleak way

because other doctors came out almost enraged and said, because it was, it was actually quite a sort of touching and, and in a way upsetting story because this guy had a degenerative disease.

He knew he was going to pass away and he was losing bodily function every year or whatever. And he said that I'd, I'd be happy to volunteer for this. And, and what was fascinating about it was some other doctors, like very learned people with experience in this sort of area was saying, don't do it because it,

it could be like a fate worse than death. You could be living, you could be essentially a living hell. Yeah. Your brain might completely reject it. You know, all this, all this awful horror film type stuff

came out. So I don't know if they shelved the plans or whether it's ever going to take place. The patient was, yeah, the doctor I'm fairly certain

was Italian. But anyway, on to more sort of trivial and frivolous matters. Did you say that I was looking at, I wasn't looking at, but I ran into

the death photos of that German cannibal. Do you remember the German cannibal who advertised for a body? At his penis. Actually made the penis, tried to make the man eat his penis. The man wanted to taste his own penis. Don't we all? Don't we all, guys?

And he cooked it and he fed it to him and he was just too chewy. So he decided. I overcooked it didn't I yeah you overcooked it you got one shot at that guys yeah come on what were you reading about it

it was just loads of pictures of him chopping up the body and going look at this and sort of right yeah quite graphic right okay

what was that what website was that on I don't know I don't think we need to know do we you just sort of walk into these things don't you don't spend all your time on the dark web

no use the normal website I shot Sam one man one job last week I know you did no one wants to see it I don't think we need to know, do we? You just sort of walk into these things, don't you? Don't spend all your time on the dark web. Use the normal web sometimes. I've got Sam, one man, on chat last week. I know you did. No one wants to see it. He was very upset. Stop poisoning minds. Stop poisoning minds. If you can't watch a man fishing joylessly

and rather businesslike, fishing out shards of glass from his own anus, his own bleeding anus, we're just full of guts. We're just a bag of meat. I think it gives you more hope for the future. It makes you want to seize the day when you see people doing stupid shit. So at the risk of getting high-minded here,

and I'm sure people aren't listening for this reason, but if you'll indulge me very quickly, I think that cuts to the very core, if you'll excuse the pun, of your mindset and my mindset. You've said to me often before that oh yeah

sometimes I'll watch these videos no no that makes it sound like I'm a fucking deviant it means but I'm not averse if I see something

I don't go oh my god it's disgusting oh my god like it's just life we're just mate don't worry about it I don't hunt them out

like a deviant but if I walk into them, I'm like, we think the lady does protest too much. But no, that wasn't going to be my point anyway. I'm releasing a DVD. My point was going to be that you appear, in seeing these graphic videos or these graphic events, you appear quite genuinely to take solace from that.

We're just meat and bones. It reminds me to stay grounded. We're just human beings. We're animals. We're just meat and bones. It reminds me to stay grounded. We're just human beings. We're animals. Be nice to each other. For me, I guess it probably says more about me than it does you

in terms of the size of my ego. But I like to avoid that stuff precisely because I don't like to be reminded of that. I prefer to think that human beings are amazing and interesting and more than that and more than just meat and bones

and that kind of stuff. Whether that be true or not, I'm just saying it's a different point of view, isn't it? But at some point you go from being that kind of the id dies, the ego dies, and at some point, bang, you're just meat. You're just meat that is starting to, I mean, you're just dying. You're just dying. Shall we do an email about school dinners? From Carl.

I was thinking about scraps of school dinners from Carl I was thinking about scraps yes this is about that the reason I'm doing all the emails for those of you who are probably going to

complain about me talking too much which is the biggest complaint I get on the podcast I'm on is because Pete hasn't done any

work I've literally started the emails I'm going to write out you fucking prick you normally do printouts

where are your printouts today they're on my phone why waste paper why get paper involved in this we're just

meat and bones digital Donaldson trees and paper I Why get paper involved in this? We're just meat and bones. Digital Donaldson. Trees and paper. I'm going to do this email and you're going to finish with an email. This is from Carl. Hey fellas, Pete's recent chat

about his school serving up scraps reminded me of an equally unhealthy story from my primary school. Now this is completely identifiable, relatable, but also horrific. During break, a tuck shop,

this is during break, it's not breakfast or lunch, it During break, a tuck shop... This is during break. It's not breakfast or lunch. It's break. A tuck shop would serve sausage and bacon sandwiches for 50p a time. That's a deal, that. Yeah, that is a deal. These were understandably popular

and would often run out a mere 10 minutes into break time. So you've got to get there early for that at your school. The dinner lady often had spare bread left over, though, after the pork delights were gone, and for just 20p would wipe up the excess bacon and sausage grease using a slice of white bread and serve it up to us. You know what?

That's resourceful. We had this three to four times a week, and we're somehow still alive. Jamie Oliver would burst a blood vessel. Oh, it's like when your nan used to cook with lard. It's like, oh, jeez. Bread and dripping used to be a thing, didn't it? Yeah, bread and dripping.

Yeah. Disgusting. Does it make you wonder about all this stuff? Because we are bombarded now with sort of information, which a lot of it, as you and I know, because we work in the media, is PR-led stuff. About, you know, just one square of dark chocolate a day will avoid your risk of heart attack.

Or, you know, the Daily Mail, the Daily Express every five minutes. Glass of wine. Yeah. Glass of wine's cancerous. Glass of wine's not cancerous. Everything's cancerous. Everything's not cancerous.

Everything is very sort of negligible, the effect though, right? Yeah, massively. Because I sort of think, because I always sort of think like, if I don't beat myself up, the people who sort of beat themselves up about eating the wrong thing or eating, like, a bad meal or something,

like, you didn't lose weight when you ate a good meal. You didn't lose weight immediately because you ate a fucking salad and went on about eating a fucking salad. Like, so you're not going to suddenly put on, like, loads of weight by eating a bad meal. It's cumulative, isn't it? It takes a long time. And we're so, I don don't know we're so sort of

duty bound to have everything immediately and have everything kind of on a plate so to speak move more eat less move more eat less

that's the message tough love from the Luke and Pete show do an email before we go otherwise it's going to be all me just a quick one from Alistair Dinewell hello chaps

delighted to hear a reference to West Yorkshire's finest Seabrook crisps in this week's show. And I just thought I'd share the cack-handed naming process for them. Created by Charles Brook in 1945, he wanted to call them Seabrooks

crisps, as in his initial Charles. But someone at the print shop wrote it down as Seabrooks and he was stuck with the name on all his new packaging, so he kept the name. Reading back there is actually quite very dull. Actually pretty dull. Thank you Alistair for that rather underwhelming end to the show never let something dull get in the way of our show see brooks see brooks i love it that's the uh the reason i like that is because that's like 70 odd years ago that story that is the old school

equivalent of um a pr saying to a professional athlete just type something like on it's Twitter and they just copy and paste it so the tweet actually says just write something like had a great games day just write something like this had a great game hashtag the lads hashtag bouncing back good stuff alright Pete let's get out of here we'll be back later in the week

see you later cunts for goodness sake Peter I'll be taking you to get a fresh kidney now. Oh, bye. And a fresh tongue, potty mouth. Bye.