The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 110: Helping someone obtain a chicken mask

Episode Date: October 25, 2018

Pete packs today's episode full of startling revelations including helping a woman in the street with a badly needed item, a very particular type of dream, and his own very sensitive familial situation. None of this is related to an elephant whip he was suitably impressed by in Zimbabwe either. You'll need to listen to find out more.We also take a quick excursion to the Faroe Islands courtesy of a listener, reminisce about our first beer, and hear all about the effects of fig rolls, courtesy of yet another parental lie.To tell us more lies your parents told you, or for any other reason: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Has this iPad been playing up for you, Luke, while I've been away? No. Just not being very responsive. It's upsetting me a bit. In the year 110, Duan Ji, Chinese Protector General of the Western Regions during the Han Dynasty, passed away. Oh, I see. This is episode 110 of the Luke and Pete show. Yeah. And there's your link.

There's your link. I'm Luke Moore. That's Pete Donaldson. You are very, very welcome. Come in. Sit down. Relax. Make yourself a drink.

You're listening to... But not in the studio because we don't have sugar in here. No. That'll get everything sticky. We're getting cameras installed so you can watch all of our angles. You might even see a nip slip or an upskirt if I'm wearing my kilt. That's banned now, all that stuff. What, nip slips?

Nip slips is such a disgusting term. Nip slip. I remember reading, I think, that upskirt photos have been banned and thinking to myself, we really needed to ban that didn't we that was something that we had to tell people not to do

I thought that was taken I thought that was taken I thought that was red I don't I think that's

illegal anyway isn't it imagine going to a party or something what do you do I take upskirts yeah I mean what

just shine your shoes really well and you can look. Don't give people ways to circumvent a law which stops perversions of that, unwanted perversions. Consensual perversions are absolutely fine among adults. Unwanted, unsolicited perversions are not. And Pete Donaldson, frankly, my friend, you should know better. I had sex with a man in my dream in my dream and i it rarely happens but i was like well i wasn't unsatisfied that's

all i'm saying oh goodness you're gonna have to expand on it what carry on just i just i was having sex i was having sex with a man in me in a dream right that was it it must be more detail than that are you too shy to say it i'm not too shy to say i just it was just a dude and i was With a man in a dream. Right. That was it. There must be more detail in that. Or are you too shy to say it? I'm not too shy to say it. It was just a dude. And I was like, I don't usually think about that. And I was having sex with a man.

And I was like, this isn't that bad. But then it was just, I was the top rather than the bottom. That was going to be my next question. Yeah, exactly. So I didn't really see, he sort of turned around and I went, oh, it's a man. I went, oh, that's interesting. And then I walk off. Tell us who it was.

There's a man by the name of Marcus Spallet. I don't even... I could not tell... I mean, I presume every face in a dream is like an amalgamation of different features that you've seen before. Sometimes you have a dream of someone who's very obviously that person, isn't it?

Yeah, no. I don't know. I remember the time I had a dream that I tried to very obviously that person. Yeah, no. I remember the time I had a dream that I tried to punch Chris Moyles in the face but I couldn't. That was definitely

Chris Moyles. Yeah, just weird. Not weird, but yeah, just like, oh, that doesn't happen very often. No.

In a sexy dream. No, it's never happened to me. But, you know, the subconscious can be a complicated and very interesting thing, you know. But I mean,

it was at the last minute, you know what I mean? What do you mean? It's not like I began the sexual congress with a man. What would be wrong with that? Perfectly acceptable. Yeah, no, it was just as acceptable, but I'm just saying that... It wasn't your intention. It was not my intention.

It was a surprise. That's why it stuck in my head, you know what I mean? And what was your reaction to the surprise? Jizz. I'm joking. I don't know what my reaction was. Oh, dear. If you're new to the show,

you can expect... The thing about this is, and I just want to list this behind the curtain a little bit, and we do say this show is unplanned. It is unplanned, apart from, of course, your emails and maybe some bits and pieces

that we've picked up along the way. But it is generally unplanned. And I want people to understand that this stuff that Pete drops in every so often, I just had sex with a man in a dream. That was just me remembering it, though. I blew up, my dad's used condom once. Well, that's another gay experience, isn't it, really?

Incestuous and gay. You never tell me any of this stuff in advance. No. I'm not putting that in a running order. There is no running order, let's be honest. So I just want to make people clear that I've come to that as new as you have the listener. Yeah. What were you going to say, Peter?

A man had an elephant whip. A man had an elephant whip to scare elephants away when I was in Zimbabwe. And it really excited me, the noise it made. It was the loudest thing I've ever heard in my life. It was incredible. He just made it out of a strip of old tire, a bit of string, and a branch. And I went, what's that? And he goes, whip, elephant.

I went, you whip elephants? He goes, no, it's just to scare them away. And I went, how do you use it? And he just picked it up and made a thunderous noise. I was like, that is the most impressive thing I've seen.

How does it rank alongside hitting the hippo in the face with a tea tray? It was certainly up there. It was certainly a very loud sound. Just more impressive, more visceral. Yeah.

Yeah. Wowzers. Could you, could you, if you had anything about you, the old Pete Donaldson would have got a photo of that or a video of it.

I don't know why. I felt like I was taking advantage of asking him to keep on whipping like a crazy whip man. What sort of damage would it have done if it had hit you on the arse? Oh, it would have taken my leg off.

It was so, it was so violent. How long was it? It was probably about from that wall out there to here, like if you spread it out. Why don't you use a...

I don't know how you, I don't know how he controlled something so long why don't you use a unit of measurement that our listeners can understand alright

8 metres that's not what you just described there 8 metres alright 10 feet ok

10 feet's about yeah 10 feet 3 metres then yeah they're very impressive is that one of the main takeaways? Because we talked a bit about it last week,

but you didn't mention that. I just remembered. Actually, I only wrote down three things, and that was one of the things. One of the guys who was looking after us, his local bank was doing some funny business with his money. Every time his bank account balance changes, he gets a text message.

And like at about one o'clock in the morning, his bank account went from $800 down to $300, up to $400, down to $100. And then by six o'clock, it was back up to $800 as well. Because of the currency? Well, no, they were just clearly moving money around. Oh, okay, right. I didn't hear the first part.

Okay, fine. Isn't that cheeky? It is cheeky. Cheeky little bank. What cheeky little bank? Pete, a shout out to Ryan Gilson, who sent this in. We love you, RG. We watch you every day on MTV.

Who the man, baby? You the man, big boo. No matter what you do, we got love for you. Say my name, Pete Danson. Luke Moore. Thanks. Listen to this. Okay, Ryan Gilson has made us aware of this.

It's on the BBC website. The local website actually was published on my birthday, which gives an extra spice knowing that someone was doing this on my birthday. I'm going to read the headline, and I want you to react, and then I'm going to tell you a bit more about it. The headline is, Drunk Burglar Rammed Worcester Shop Using Giraffe.

Right. A burglar drunk on Lambrinium beer used a giraffe statue as a battering ram to break into a shop and then fell asleep. And then fell asleep, Peter. See, right, right. They shouldn't be doing clickbait on the BBC.

They're better than that. Giraffe. It's not a giraffe. It's a giraffe statue. It's a story based on a court report, though. It's a giraffe statue, yeah, but it is a giraffe, isn't it? He's not going to be having an actual giraffe in Worcester. I mean, that would be brilliant. Well, no, but that's why you clicked on it. You didn't click on it is a giraffe, isn't it? He's not going to be having an actual giraffe in Worcester. I mean, that would be brilliant.

Well, no, but that's why you clicked on it. You didn't click on it because a man smashed, chucked a statue through a window and then fell asleep in it. I'll tell you why I clicked on it. Premium content provider Ryan Gilson sent it. So I put it straight to the top of the inbox. Gilfie Ryanson. He's the best.

The reason why I was late, actually, speaking of premium content dropping into our laps, the reason why I was late was actually, speaking of premium content dropping into our laps, the reason why I was late was because I'm late all the time. But I did have a sort of a reason this time. Okay. It was a Tuttnacott Road station and an old foreign lady, I'm not really sure where she was because I couldn't really pick up the accent.

The problem with me interacting with anyone not from these shores, to be honest, the problem with me interacting with anyone, to be honest, is the fact that I'm from the Northeast. I have a very difficult accent for people to understand. People in America, you'd probably equate it to something from the Deep South. It's quite, it's earthy. It's trustworthy, but a bit dim sounding. I'm pleased you said that.

Before I just cut in and say that Edward Galbraith, he ran the shop with a giraffe. His defense counsel said his memory of the incident is somewhat vague at best. He's been drinking Lambrinian beer. Carry on. A woman, she calls up to me, she goes, the first thing she said was, ticket man.

And I was like, oh, she wants to see the ticket man to get a ticket. And I was like, oh, yeah, it's just around here. She goes, no, no, no, no, no. Chicken mask. And I was like, chicken mask? Right. And I was like, you want chicken?

And she went, yeah. And I was like, right, I need to find her a supermarket because she wants a chicken mask. You're very helpful. Chicken mask. Most helpful man in central London. I always get my phone out on Google Maps because I don't really know where anything is.

And I always sort of think, if they need to know where something is, I can learn where it is too. So I did it last Friday as well. People were trying to find Piccadilly. But I know the way that is. Let's be very clear. Anyway, and yeah, so chicken mask

chicken mask and I was like okay she needs a supermarket took her out of the station up the escalators and I was like nearest Tesco

is sort of north on Tottenham Court Road so I'm like over there Tesco Tesco chicken mask I mean I don't know

she was going to make a chicken mask so I'm imagining I'm imagining like a kind of Buffalo Bill kind of mask made of chicken skin. She puts the lotion in the basket or else she gets the holes again. Pete, it's...

You're just thinking straight away, practically, how can I get all these ingredients? Yeah, chicken mask. Chicken mask. And for me, all right, it's not the weirdest thing someone's asked me.

It's not the weirdest thing I've done. Chicken mask, chicken mask. Not the weirdest thing you've done this week. Yeah. I'm outside, chicken mask. She didn't want chicken mask. She wanted TK Maxx. Oh, there it is.

And TK Maxx was just next door. So that was really easy. Out comes the phone again. Out comes the phone again. Very nice. A ticket man, chicken mask, TK Maxx. Got there in the end. That's Boulder Dash.

Do you know in the US, TK Maxx is called TJ Maxx? You's Boulder Dash. Do you know in the US, TK Maxx is called TJ Maxx? You'd swallow in your coffee. I swallow in my coffee, and I wanted to agree in the strongest possible terms with the weakest possible coffee. I was going to talk to you a bit about a frozen lake in India

full of skeletons, but I think I'll leave that for next time. Why don't we take a quick ad break, and then after that, we can mention some more emails all right hey y'all it's farmer me mine today i'm going to show you what i've been doing to take care of the pantry moth situation fucking hate that woman's voice a pantry mosh pantry mosh a pantry mosh pantry please um do not disturb my maze.

Is not to be questioned. Remember we talked a while back, listeners were getting in touch about lies their parents had told them. Yeah. And this is quite a good one. And I'm starting to develop a sort of newfound appreciation for the deceitfulness of parenting, of parents. Yeah. I understand if you're two or three years old a parent's yeah if you're a parent of a two or three year old

you're gonna start saying little things to stop them doing certain things like don't put your hand in the fire i mean that's not but that's not a lie is it that's yeah but um something that's really come to light is how often parents have been lying to their essentially teenage children check this out from Ollie, he says hello guys on the subject of mum lies I thought I would give you this short and effective short and effective lie my mother gave me, growing up

wearing a biscuit tin and fresh from a Friday shop on Saturday morning it was prime time for raiding it I bloody love fig rolls, I like them as well actually, they're up there for me as did my mother and to prevent me from eating the whole lot on the time parading it. I bloody love fig rolls. I like them as well actually. Oh I've not had fig roll in ages. They're up there for me. As did my mother

and to prevent me from eating the whole lot on a Saturday morning she told me that if you ate more than two in one sitting it would

cause you to shit yourself. Probably not and there's a lot of prunage in there isn't there? Yeah. At the time as a

child I took it as gospel and thought it made sense as the brown middle of a fig roll kind of looks like shit. I lived by this rule well into my 20s

until one day I thought I would Google it and see why figs or fig rolls caused this to happen and found out it was a lie they would probably

but they would probably be some kind of diarrhea they're quite eating a lot of fruit does generally keep you regular don't they

especially figs yeah absolutely I don't think you'll instantly shit yourself after eating two fig rolls no more if it's a really

scary one yeah it could be yeah he said there was no risk of working in a toy factory for McDonald's but a very effective scaremongering tactic

nonetheless needless to say she had the last laugh and was smashing them back there was no tomorrow when I wasn't looking so there we go where's all the fig rolls gone

sometimes mothers will lie and all these batteries are Panasonic power lines which I don't know if I'd know actually yeah baby do you know them which one sorry I was Panasonic power line where are Panasonic power lines, which I don't know if I'd know actually. Yeah, baby. Do you know him? Which one? Sorry, I was... Panasonic

power line. Where's Panasonic in it? I mean... Common or Garden, is it? Common or Garden. Mike. He's probably a friend of the show because he does get in contact every now and again. He's got quite a handsome Twitter picture. Oh, I know. Is it Mike Gibson? It is Mike Gibson,

yeah. Yeah, I know him, yeah. Hi, guys. Following up from your conversation on the Faroe Islands, I thought it would interest Pete to know there's a Michelin-starred restaurant there named Cox. How's it spelled? K-O-K-S. That's disappointing. To be honest, if you're getting sent to the Faroe Islands

to review a restaurant, you've gone all that way. No one's going to go back and check, so you may as well give up Michelin star. Just give them a stamp. star just give them a stamp yeah give them a chance give them a chance it's funny because I don't know if it's got

a Michelin star but it was recently voted I think the best restaurant in Britain the Three Chimneys which is in a place called Dunvegan on the Isle of Skye

now as you know I proposed to my now wife on the Isle of Skye and to celebrate we went to the Three Chimneys and it's an amazing restaurant absolutely beautiful the food's and it's an amazing restaurant. Absolutely beautiful. The food's incredible.

It's an amazing experience. But I don't know if I'm able to accurately convey to you exactly how remote it is. So you drive, so we were staying in Portree, which is the main town of Scarborough, which is very small. And that's probably about a really, really long

drive from a decent-sized town on the mainland. You go over the bridge at the Colour Lockhouse. And the Colour Lockhouse is sort of like a small town, I suppose. But anyway, it's remote. I mean, Portree and the Isle of Skye, you've got to really want to get there. And it's all single, far roads. There's no motorways or anything, so everything just takes longer to drive to than you think.

Portree's about 35 minutes into the other sky, and then another 45 minutes is Dunvegan, where the three chimneys is on the other side of the island. And it is ridiculous how remote it is. We were driving there, and I was thinking to myself, I don't know if this is the right way, because we were stopping every 20 minutes for sheep on the gravel path. And I had to move them off

so we could carry on driving. You get there. As far as the eye can see, one direction is just sea. It's right on the coast. The other direction is where you've just come from. Nothing. Each other direction,

so all four directions, nothing. Little hills and bracken and heather and sheep. That's it. You can go north, south, east and west. It's a bit like that, Pete. There is a tree. Yeah, the Three Chimneys is a restaurant with probably about 25 tables in it.

Absolutely rammed. Yeah. Full of people. The car park is full. The little house, they've got a little inn called the Inn Over the Road or something, which has got three cottages where people stay.

That was all rammed. And it made me think, that is a ballsy move. There's a lot of drink driving no comment but it is Pete is it not city rule mate

a ballsy move to set up an expensive high overheads really pricey ingredients restaurant in somewhere like that I would say

yes that's the correct answer how do they get the ingredients I guess they do a lot of local stuff. They get a lot of local meat, I guess. And then the... You can grow vegetables there, I suppose. What if you want some ouzo?

You can get a decent amount of scotch. Yeah, okay. A decent amount of a single malt. But I've not been to the Faroe Islands. I don't know where Cox is. It might be in a town for all I know. But I'd like to go there. What would be the reason for you going there, though?

Well, I think I made the point last week that nobody talks about going to the Faroe Islands and then you said, well, why would you go to the Faroe Islands? And I go, I don't know. Well, now we've got a reason. But I want to. There's a book by Alex Bezos.

Oh, yeah. Fucking Alex Bezos. I was talking about him. All right. Do you want me to carry on? You've got no content for the next 10 minutes. I don't know who he is.

Okay, right. He wrote a book called Football, The Brazilian Way of Life. Ah. And it's not a brilliant book or anything do you want me to carry on you've got no content for the next 10 minutes I don't know he wrote a book called Football the Brazilian Way of Life and it's not a brilliant book or anything but it's alright

stop having to go at him you're the one always going on about him but the first chapter talks about Brazilian footballers who are everywhere it's almost like

Brazil is seen as the home of football but what you don't realise is they've exported not just to Europe but everywhere and it starts off

in the Faroe Islands there's Brazilian footballers everywhere oh really in the Faroe Islands yeah there's loads in Japan obviously yeah there we go then none of us have been to Cox

if you've eaten at the restaurant Cox on the Faroe Islands do get in touch hello at lukeandpete show dot com apparently it's all local produce

as you'd expect what else have you got there Peter I've got an email from Mark actually we had one that somebody also forwarded on to me and you.

It was from Adam. Basically, it was just a story about a rugby match where an injury occurred. Basically, somebody got damaged

in the groin. Oh dear. And it ended up he later put in the team chat, I presume like a WhatsApp group, the guy who hurt his balls, that it swelled up, that he was off his tits on morphine,

cheerily put that he would have to return to hospital the next day to see if he could keep his testicles. Oh, Jesus. The day came, and unfortunately, his two meat had to be parted from his veg. Now, I'm only including this. Two meat? Because I think Adam, who has emailed in, seems to think that you've got two meat

and the veg is the penis. Yeah. Instead of the meat and two veg. The two veg are the two potatoes and the sausage is the meat. I hope that's a typo rather than his understanding of the situation. I used to have a boss

who thought women shat out their vaginas. Oh, for God's sake, Peter. What? You know what? What?

You know what? He was a grown man who thought women pooped out of their foofs. So why can't you say it like that? Why do you have to be...

Because foofs is very childish. Why do you have to be so coarse? You're not one of Pulitzer for filth. I said vagina. I said,

I got it half right. Yeah, okay. All right. Let's go for more next time. All right. What's the medical word for excreted out of the vagina? Because you can excrete,

you can excrete something that isn't shit. Yeah. So, out of your vagina. I shouldn't have said anything. Yeah, exactly. Carry on. That'll teach you.

Do you want me to do an email from Drew? All right, then. It's another one about said anything. Yeah, exactly. Carry on. That'll teach you. Do you want me to do an email from Drew? All right, then. It's another one about parents lying. Oh, they're such liars. I hate them. I know. Did your parents ever lie to you in a big way?

Let's not get into that. Oh, yeah, exactly. At the census, I found out that I had a half-brother from the census. They haven't even told you. Yeah, it's not really a lie if you don't tell someone. Yeah. Whatever doesn't harm you, doesn't tell you. I don't know how that goes. Do you want to talk about it or not really?

The census was a big deal in my life, personally. The census is like, oh my god, the government want to know about our family. We're famous. It's how exciting. What year is this? This only comes around. I was about 15. And the census was on the dresser. And it said that my dad had been married twice.

And he had three children. And I was like, ah, man, dad's a fucking prick. He's filled out the census incorrectly. And this is an important document. So you've got to get it right. Yeah. And my mom went, sit down. Talk to your dad.

She's not even jumped on the grenade. She said, no mum went, sit down. Talk to your dad. She's not even jumped on the grenade. She said, no, talk to your dad. Talk to your dad. I'd done action and a half and I found out in the end. Oh dear. How did it make you feel?

Not harsh, to be honest. I think people would go out looking for family members and, you know, there was certain, there was, back then, dads didn't really have

a lot of rights when it came to children it's different now so yeah there we go on that bombshell no one's gonna the spectre of

Stewie Donaldson is at the feast once again when it comes to the Luke and Pete show how is Stuart doing it doing it how is he doing I meant

in a condom I'm putting my mouth on from Friday in sleep that one how's he getting on I mean how's he doing he's alright

he seemed alright that's how I talked to him he was down wasn't he in London we talked how I talked to him he was down wasn't he in London we talked about that he was yeah he was down what about Drew then

Drew's parents are not guilty of telling a lie quite that seismic Peter but we'll read the email out nonetheless do you remember Drew Hill yeah but it's spelled differently

yeah but do you remember when Drew Hill came back and everybody went on stage and Drew Hill went yeah we're Drew Hill and Cisco went yeah we're Cisco yeah he's such a prick love that yeah love that do you remember and everybody went on stage and Drew Hill went, yeah, we're Drew Hill and Cisco went, yeah, we're Cisco.

He's such a prick. Love that. Yeah. Love that. Do you remember Cullumy Bad having a fight on stage? Yeah, that was quite recent, wasn't it? He hit him on the head

with a chair, was it? Depressing, wasn't it? Yeah, it was depressing. One of them put on a lot of weight. One of them left. Drew says, hi guys,

on the subject of telling fibs to your kids, my parents had a pretty good one to keep me on the straight and narrow. This is actually really good. Um, I was told I had a very common heart murmur, which makes my heart beat a little faster. So if I was ever offered drugs to please be aware and not take them as it's

more dangerous for me than it would be for other children. Right. And I could have a heart attack and die. Wow. Um, when I was about 19, I was at the doctor's having a check up

and I questioned this he said there was never that on any record and my heart is fine oh well I never got into dance music and clubbing phase as much as my

friends as a result but it seems now like a clever lie to tell a young teenager that's annoying isn't it he says P.S. my brother when he was about 7 years old

once asked my dad for a drink of his lager and my dad went and got a fresh one in quotes filled it with vinegar and yeah now 28 my brother a drink of his lager and my dad went and got a fresh one, in quotes, filled it with vinegar and yeah, now 28, my brother still doesn't drink lager

and is more of a cider man. These parents are brilliant. That's very good, that. They must have had some sort of parenting manual. Yeah, but he drank vinegar and went, I like it.

I like things a little bit tart. Very nutty bouquet. I remember drinking lager for the first time. What was this craft? Sarsons? Yes, local brewery. Great local brewery, yeah. I remember drinking lager for the first time what is this craft sarsens yes local brewery great local brewery

yeah I remember drinking lager for the first time at some I grew up in a place called Gosport it's a reasonable sized town

you know it's not great but as a lot of these places can be the hub of the local community was the community centre

right did you ever have a community centre, right? Right. Did you ever have a community centre where you grew up? Like a working men's club type thing. Yeah. We call it the community centre. Yeah, we're a county club and a Navy club

for people from the Navy. And we always used to go to a New Year's Eve party at this place and it was called Hedka. I think it was called, let me get this right, something in Elson District

Community Association. Right. Anyway, and a friend of my dad's, there's loads of people there right there's people dancing people sat on different tables there's a big old place and one of my dad's mates this guy called terry was like oh um do you want a do you want a beer and i was like yeah definite and he was all right i'll get you on and he got me like a pint of beer right a pint of like i don't know heineken or something yeah and put it in front of me and was like don't tell one. And he got me like a pint of beer. Right. Like a pint of like, I don't know, Heineken or something. Yeah. And put it in front of me.

And was like, don't tell your parents. I've got a fucking big pint of beer in front of me. I was only about five foot four or something. I was 13. And I had a sip of it. I thought, I don't like that. I really do not like that. That's an odd flavor. Yeah, it's weird, isn't it?

I forced about half of it down. I felt really quite drunk. And then just tried to sort of mingle away from my parents for the next couple of hours that was my first experience

and then the following New Year's Eve we went to a friend I went to my mate's aunt's house for New Year and they had like a lot of money

I think his dad but in a working class way I think his old man was a builder or something a building firm and we kept

sneaking out into the garden drinking those little stubbies oh little stubby you don't see him anymore, do you? No, you don't.

And for some reason, I liked it more. I think probably because I was trying to show off to my friends more than anything else. That was my prime kind of first bit of drinking. I think my first proper drink, pretty cool really, Manson, watching the band Manson and Gear Dad. How old were you then? Probably about four, because I abstained

because I was going to nightclubs when I was about 15 to be honest because I think the bonds just felt sorry for me and it was article

they didn't give a shit but they I sort of abstained and went I'm not I like to be in control of myself I'm not drinking like you guys

oh so when you were like 15 you were a bit straight edge so I was a bit straight edge until I was about 17, I think. And then I started, so it was probably when I was 17 that I started, I went to see Manson and Gay Dad

and drank a Newcastle Brown. I was like, this makes everything better. You've not looked back since. Yeah. Next thing you know, you're looking for chicken marks down Tottenham Court Road.

Do you remember being drunk and sick or something? I remember having a whitey, going on a whitey when I went to the Wesleyan nightclub and the song music sounds better

with you. Music sounds better with you, baby. I remember just feeling like the worst. That's Stardust. It's a good song.

Stardust. Yeah, not nice. Music sounds better with you. Don't sing it. It genuinely makes me feel better.

Does it? I can remember having my 20th birthday. It was quite late on. My 20th birthday in Magaluf

of all places. Magaluf! And I deferred for a year so I went to uni in the following month. So I think we went

there in like September and I went to uni at the end of September or whatever. Was it a results related to viral? Possibly, yeah.

It would have been, yeah. It would have been, yeah, it would have been. Because I went through and this is boring but I'll go through it really quickly. I didn't try a tour at school

and did okay and the arrogance of youth and all that I thought, oh, this is easy because I've always, I've found school work quite easy at the time

and I did like unremarkably but certainly well and truly easy enough to get to A-levels and I got to college to do A-levels and had exactly the same attitude

and then just got completely pied. Left behind. Yeah, I got two Ds and a U at A-level. Right. And no uni would take me. And this is back probably, but it's a bit harder than it is now, maybe. And so I had to defer for a year.

But anyway, I went to Magaluf for my 20th birthday. University. Yeah. Yeah. Stud. Yeah. I studied media. And there were a few of my mates. And they had this thing where every time we went to a new bar on this night,

they told everyone working there that it was my birthday. So they just plied me with alcohol, like dirty pints. I could have died. Looking back at it now, I know it sounds boring, but I probably could have died. It was so much alcohol. And I ended up... Business owners must know that it's never anyone's birthday

or anniversary or anything like that. It was the year 2000. No one cared. And yeah, you're probably right, though. Anyway, I ended up locked in a cubicle and being sick and so drunk that I couldn't open it. And luckily, it was one of those ones where there was a gap. And my friend was able to climb over

and get me out and take me home. Like a vomitous crystal maze. It was bad. And I'd like to say that I learnt my lesson from my 21st, but I didn't. My dad had to carry me home that one. And then sat on me all night because he was paranoid

I was going to choke on my own vomit. Drinking in excess in that way is bad for you folks. Rubbish. Don't do it. Rubbish. excess in that way is bad for you folks. Rubbish. Don't do it. Rubbish. On that note Pete, do you want to move out of here? What? Do you want to go to the pub?

We don't live here. Do you want to move on to somewhere else with a bit more of a nice vibe? Let's go and slam some brewskis. Let's write in our calendar like Colin Kavanagh I love that. Brett Kavanagh. My favourite tweet around that whole debacle was someone tweeting, oh it's Friday night guys can't wait to go and

drink exactly one beer and put it in my calendar there we go the world is shit to email us with information about how you've had sex with a man

in your dream or even in real life hello at lukeandpeatshow.com we can't wait to hear from you don't hear from me enough gay men and women

I don't think I agree. More of that. Get in touch. Tell us what it's like in real life. This iPad, honestly. Outro Music