The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 113: I'm a locksmith, and, I'm a locksmith

Episode Date: November 5, 2018

Hello everyone. Strap yourselves in because Pete is back from Japan with more tales of getting run over, seeing the tallest Japanese man he's ever seen and trying to stay on the plane to watch the end of a film.We also try to solve the Zimbabwean Fruit Mystery, wonder over a case of mistaken identity after a listener bizarrely suggests that Luke and Pete actually go drinking together (would never happen), and chat a tiny bit more about Pink Floyd.There's plenty of your emails too, and lots more besides. Get involved, Trev!To get in touch: [e-mail] ***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello, I'm Pete Donaldson. I'm joined by Luke Moore. Leave your fly out of this. Yeah. We're back in the saddle. We're back in the saddle. Sorry, Willie, on this one. We miscalculated the episodes.

Yeah, sort of. We thought we had enough episodes, but we don't. We hadn't. And I was in Japan. And for future reference, we'll come on to Japan in just a second, but just do this admin properly if we're going to do it, as we've failed to do it before. If you want to know, I did put on Twitter that we were running a bit late today,

and so people who follow us on Twitter will be aware of that. If you're not following us on social media, at Luke and Pete Show, for all that kind of behind the scenes battery chat admin stuff scenes and beans

yeah scenes and beans that's a good way of putting it and if you like the show and you listen to it every time but you think do you know what

I could do with a bit more of a bit more of the admin of how they do it behind the scenes exactly at Luke and Pete show on Twitter and Instagram is the place for you

Pete we can guarantee the scenes. We can't guarantee the beans. Beans sometimes come up every now and again. I had kidney beans yesterday. Oh, kidney beans are the worst kind of beans because they actually look like a kidney.

Just a tin of the beans. Did you drink the sauce? Tasty snack. The salty sauce. Yeah. Right on the TV. The salty broth. Yeah.

What a treat. Mimi said, what do you want for dinner? I said, crack me open a tin of kidney beans, will you? Give us a drop. Drop us a big tin of KBs. Yeah, yeah. You can imagine the pumps, can't you?

I've always thought you'd make a good cowboy, sat around a fire, eating some beans. Blazing Saddles vibes. Blazing Saddles vibes. Yeah, yeah. Having a trump. Oh, on Classic American Comedies, I... I'm now the head of a studio.

I'm pleased to hear, I'm pleased to confirm I will in fact be in the remake of The Naked Gun. Oh, good. Oh, that's coming back, isn't it? Is it? Yeah, I think that's why, that's in your brain. Well, Leslie Nielsen... Is quite famously dead.

Yeah, I know, exactly. But I was made aware of or reminded of a classic Leslie Nilsson line. I think it's from Police Squad, which is the one... Is that the one that spawned from The Naked Gun?

Say again? It started off as Police Squad and it became The Naked Gun and The Naked Gun came off the back of it. I think Naked Gun, the film, came after Police Squad. I think Police Squad was, yeah, it definitely... Yeah, that's right. Two classic lines from Police Squad and it became The Naked Gun or The Naked Gun came off the back of it I think Naked Gun the film came after Police Squad

I think Police Squad was yeah yeah that's right two classic lines from Police Squad one is when he turns up at that woman's house and says

ma'am I would have come earlier but your husband wasn't dead then and the second one is when he comes in to the bad guy's office and the guy turns around

and says who are you and how did you get in here and he goes I'm a locksmith and i'm a locksmith lovely classic stuff there's um you know like the start bit where the car is kind of like going down the street and then they'll just have it kind of going through like women's changing rooms and stuff yeah yeah department stores there's there was a video

recently of just a man going wild and just driving through. I don't think anyone was hurt. It was fine. Was that OJ Simpson? Who famously in Naked Gun. In Naked Gun. He was sort of driving through shopping centres, through shops. And he managed to get so far across town.

I don't know what this story was from. What town was it? I don't know. I just saw it online when I was in a kind of like a half-sleep, half-awake kind of situation. Was it in America? This guy, yeah. Florida.

Guaranteed Florida. Guaranteed Florida. I've just noticed that because they've moved the table, I can move my coffee on the side, so that's safer for me and safer for you, the listener. Now, people listening in to this show won't have noticed anything awry other than the fact that this episode is a bit later because we pre-req a lot of

episodes because Pete was going away to Japan. You are going to tell us all about your trip to Japan in a moment but I just want to say previously on the Luke and Pete show, just to bring people up to speed, we've had a lake on top of a mountain in India with skeletons in it. Weetabix using skinheads to, skinheads?

Skinheads? To advertise their breakfast cereal eating raw chicken by mistake, or by, not by mistake, but by ordering it. By design. Yeah, yeah. Unlucky numbers and the finest double agent of the Second World War. Just to remind you, hello at lukeandpeachshow.com

if you want to get in touch about any of that stuff. Pete Donaldson, you're just fresh off the plane, fresh off the boat from Japan in this morning, straight into the um into the studio the floor is yours my friend i don't feel fresh no i bet um i did see a man on the plane who was unusually tall um japanese people not known for being um statuesque how tall are we talking well i think their average is pretty much our average we thought i always thought of the japanese as being shorter than us they're not they're exactly the same size. But I think you get fewer really, really tall people in Japan.

But this man was genuinely like, you know, like the man that was outside the Ridley's, believe it or not, on Piccadilly. Robert Pershing Wadlow. Robert Pershing Wadlow. 8 foot 11 and 3 quarters. The tallest man to ever live. Yeah.

This guy was like that. And he had a slightly feminine face, just like him. He wasn't that tall, but he was cracking on for seven foot. He was gigantic. I can see why he went for the premium economy seat. That's all I'm saying. Did he? And he squeezed into premium.

What are you doing in premium? I went out on premium. And let me tell you, JAL, a real shot in the arm for the premium economy lover. I love premium economy. I have a threshold which i'm not going to tell people listening what it is but i have a financial threshold that i will pay up to to go premium she uh offered me a premium economy seat for 280 pounds i wasn't in premium economy on the way back uh but she said uh it's going to be 280 pounds or i don't know 350 000 for 350,000 yen. And I said,

is it an aisle seat? She said, yes. I said, no. You don't want an aisle? I don't want an aisle. I'm all about the aisle. I never get up. I needed a wee

from about five hours in and I just sat there because I am a conscionable, conscionable? Conscious? I'm just a nice guy. Don't want to bother people.

Yeah. I'd rather wet myself. I mean, that is psychotic behaviour. And stink, stink them playing out with piss. That's like, pretty, sort of sociopathic behaviour.

yeah, yeah. But, just to come back on that, a couple of things. There's a new assistant producer started on my show on Talkspot on Friday nights, called Murray,

and he's six foot six. But I would, that's, that's getting too unusually tall, isn't it? But the thing is, i always massively overshoot it because i'm six three right so i don't i don't regularly see people taller than me right and when i do i get really excited yeah so first of all i was like goodness me how tall are you you must be

about six foot ten yeah and he was like uh six foot six and that was a bit disappointing but for him he probably doesn't see you as being abnormally large no and you are abnormally large no i think he looks down on everyone literally yeah exactly the difference between you and me to him probably nothing probably probably same size yeah probably yeah and and that's what makes me happy speaking on the uh on the plane flight thing before we actually get into japan as promised um i've only ever so i i got to the point because obviously my now wife was living in the u.s and i used to go and travel to visit her quite a lot and you build up the miles don't you and you build up the stuff that ba want to give you for being a regular flyer and i managed to get

this bronze executive club thing which doesn't really mean anything and it's expired now anyway but and what it did mean is occasionally if there was an opportunity to get an upgrade i think you'd be near the front of the queue and you'd get but you'd have to pay right anyway so i never got any sort of free upgrade at all and i used to occasionally pay a bit extra for premium and i think you get to choose your seat in economy before anyone else because you're a bronze executive club member and that's pretty much it i mean the silver and gold is amazing you get amazing you get all the lounges and that kind of stuff anyway so when it came to the time where my now wife moved to the UK,

I flew over there to help her move all the stuff and she had a little farewell party and all the rest of it. Got to Boston Airport to fly back.

She was obviously very emotional, leaving her family. We had loads of stuff. We had nine bags and BA, and I'd already budgeted for

it, but BA I think charged you something like £40 for every bag over four bags or something. And get to the front of the queue to check in with all our staff. The guy goes, oh, good news, Mr. Moore.

Yeah, we've got a free upgrade for you to business. First time ever. I look at Mimi. I think, oh, is it for both of us? No, just for you. Couldn't take it, could I? Well, you couldn't...

I couldn't leave on her own. I just couldn't do it. Yeah, we could have given it to her, couldn't you? But the point was, she didn't want to be on her own on the flight because she was upset. So I couldn't activate it. Just...

I couldn't activate it. Yeah. You could have laid down on the bed and covered yourself in like a shawl and pretended that you were the chair. Yeah. She could have slept on top of you. Are you still single?

In a loving embrace. We ended up compromising with the... It actually worked out okay in the end. Apart from for me because I really wanted to go business. I've never found business. It worked out okay in the end because we managed to negotiate

with the checking guy that we could have all the bags on for free and we could both go premium instead. So it turned out okay. That's all right. But the moral of the story is, Pete, I sacrificed my business class seat on the altar of love. I met a pilot who flies to FedEx in Osaka in a bar,

and he was a dick. He flies a lot of freight over FedEx. Was it Pilot Neil? It wasn't Pilot Neil, no, but he was like going, Oh, man. I was sort of saying, so what's the setup? Like, because obviously, you know, there's no chairs in there.

Everything's just pulled out and everything's just kind of bits and bobs and they say, oh yeah, we got a cage for like the lithium batteries and got a cage for the stuff and you got this room where you can, where you can do some pushups or some pull-ups.

I was like, why does a pilot need to leave the cockpit? There's no cockpit door. You just go out and to do some bloody, you know, working out. Why are you talking like that? What do you mean? Why is he talking like that? I don't know.

He's like a bro. He's an ex-serviceman, and he's a bit of a bro. How did you start talking to him? So his job is to fly all over the world with freight. That's quite a cool job, isn't it? Yeah, but he says that I fly those planes faster than they're designed to fly. Oh, God, one of those.

One of those guys. One of those guys who said when they were 18 they got a car and it might look like a cheap car, but I've actually put a Ferrari engine in it. And you can't look under the bonnet because it's broken. And my girlfriend goes to another school. The little stick because it's broken, so you can't lift it up without it hitting you on the head.

So yeah, he was a bit of a div. But fascinating stories about Frit so people who know how regularly you visit Japan myself included I've never visited myself

I imagine the majority of people listening perhaps or at least a good percentage of them won't have visited you go there an awful lot what are you doing there differently

each time and what did you do differently this time as opposed to previous visits? This time I sort of followed around Chris Broad from Broad in Japan for a little while. Oh, that's right. One of our sister podcasts. One of our sister podcasts.

And saw what he was up to. Doing a bit of cycling around Japan. Being a YouTuber is a bit of a pain in the ass, I tell you what. All they're doing is filming and filming and filming. And then at the night they get to bed really late because they're just editing. And then they get up again to release. And then they get about two hours sleep. It's crazy.

It's not the kind of life. It's not the kind of proper job, though, is it? Well, it is. I think people have a very... Whenever YouTubers are discussed about... Certainly the popular ones, they sort of get a bit of, they talk about the money, don't they? It's like, oh my God,

I can't believe this video game streamer makes two million quid a month for all his streaming and I can't believe that PewDiePie makes so much money from his YouTube and stuff like that. And it's only ever discussed like that but it's actually a whole fucking lot of work

if you don't have a team behind you. So yeah, I was very surprised about the amount of work and the amount of driving and cycling and all kinds of shit. It's funny because I'm quite friendly

with Jack Dean who's Jack Mate on YouTube. Lovely chap. And he's been doing it for a long time. Yeah, he's got about a million subscribers, I think. But I don't think he does

an awful lot of actual videos. I think it's about YouTube culture. Slightly different. I think it does depend on the type of YouTube channel you've got. Because I think some YouTubers have to do YouTube content all the time, don't they, to make it work. But you're just constantly like in...

There's two kinds, I guess, isn't there? There's people who do kind of like stuff about things or there are people who can be resident in a set or their bedroom, you know what I mean, and keep doing it that way. And that's a little bit easier because you can edit like that, but oh, I was just exhausted. Yes or no, YouTube channel,

is it a proper job? Yes, it is. Podcasting, is it a proper job? At this point in my life, it fucking is, yeah. Oh my god, so I got run over by an old lady. Oh, for God's sake. I've got a list of things. I've to... Oh, my God. So, I got run over by an old lady. Oh, for God's sake. I've got a list of things.

I've written, why do they hide beans in pillows? In Japanese hotels, a lot of business hotels have these weird kind of pillows where they have these very... Could be dried kidney beans. Yeah. Could be dried...

I'm not interested in the dried ones. You've got to soak them overnight before you can eat them. Like, they hide... They have really flat pillows, but they have, like, really hard little beans in the bottom.

Also, I was in an Airbnb where I had to hide a lot of the time because they don't like foreigners being in the building because Airbnb is a bit of a no-no. Why is it a no-no? Why is that? Japanese government registered a plan in which you can only rent out your Airbnb for half the year. So it meant that a lot of buildings became Airbnb no-nos. Because I guess if you buy a flat, you don't want loud foreigners partying every morning.

I was going to ask you if it's something to do with etiquette in a building and stuff. Yeah, and also just fear of the unknown and institutional racism. It's an island nation. They're a bit weird. Right, okay. But, and also, for the Aussies, it's a bit of a party destination as well.

You know what I mean? It's like Bali, Japan. Like, it's quite easy to get there to just piss about and be loud and obnoxious. So tell us about how you got one over. I'm in I'm in Kyoto I'm off to a monkey museum not really a museum

monkey park could this be any more Donaldson yeah and I was so glad she didn't fall off her bike oh god

oh so she's on a bike she was on a moped so when I went to Seoul once I got run over by an old man famous story famous story and then this time I got run over by an old lady who sideswiped me with her thing.

And she was, look, if she'd fallen, she was about 80. Right. And she would have really hurt herself. So how did that actually happen? Were you all crossing the road? It was a 50-50 challenge. I gave the referee a decision to make. I think I didn't go in too hard.

She would probably, I think CCTV would judge me more harshly than I did. How has the situation even manifested itself? I've stepped out in front of her. Okay, right. And she, yeah.

What side of the road did they drive on Japan? Same as us left. Okay, so you've got no excuse then? No, I've got no excuse. Okay. No, she went, but managed to maintain you know, verticality. Okay, so you've got no excuse then? No, I've got no excuse. Okay. No, she went,

but managed to maintain, you know, verticality. And she sort of turned around and went, Are you okay? And I was going, Because she's about 100. And that's the only Japanese you know. So we're just two people going, Are you okay?

Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay? Can I go to the monkey sanctuary now? Thank you. Did you get hurt? Because in Seoul you got quite hurt. I got quite hurt. I got a little bit of a damage in the bell bell, but yeah, it was fine.

What else have I written down here? What was the monkey sanctuary like? A bit depressing. Was it one of those ones where they have the monkeys, are they have the monkeys are they Barbary monkeys or Barbary apes were in the hot pools

the macaques I think they're just Japanese macaques aren't they have you been to that I haven't been to that no that's brilliant

I keep on it is but I mean it's a similar sort of thing this used to be I think it was like a research station that was very popular with tourists

so they decided fuck off the research we've done enough on the macaques and so and so they just toddle around. They're horrible, aggressive animals, the macaques. I thought you were a friend of all the primates. I'm a friend of some of them, but the macaques in particular. I remember I was in Malaysia once, and one stole a banana out of my back pocket.

Who knew that bananas were attractive to monkeys? Someone should have told us that. One of the greatest TV scenes of all time is when Carl Pilkington goes to, I think it's India, and he's got a packet of Monster Munch, and he wants to feed the Monster Munch, which shouldn't be happening. And one of them just comes out,

I was looking, just swipes the bag, and Pilkington just gets absolutely gutted. That's the end of that then. That's the end of that. I think it's India. But similar to that then, was it? Yeah, pretty much. Mission Impossible.

Walker has the detonator, I've written down. Okay. That was the film I was watching on the plane when the plane pulled into Heathrow. So I don't know what happens. If someone could give me a tweet. Would that be the most recent Mission Impossible? Yeah, Walker.

Superman's got... You know, there was that thing where they had a CGI Superman's moustache in Justice League because he was doing Mission Impossible. He had a moustache in Mission Impossible. So they spent millions of pounds trying to CGI Superman's moustache off. So right throughout filming, Superman had a moustache of Justice League and they spent a million pounds.

And if you watch Justice League, it's really obvious that they CGI'd out his moustache. Why didn't they just let him have a moustache of Justice League and they spent a million pounds and if you watch Justice League it's really obvious that they CGI'd out his moustache why didn't they just let him have a moustache because Superman doesn't look like that yeah I mean because people would know why he had a moustache

I think it all was due to the fact that there was some delay because Tom Cruise broke his ankle didn't he doing that jump in London yes but it just makes me laugh that not that good a moustache

no has kind of ruined a film really for me speaking of the old dress up why were you sending me pictures why were you

sending me pictures of you with loads of fake tattoos on because I was because Luke we have very differing views about Halloween

and dressing up your Halloween costume I've been getting pelted for this what I was getting pelted for this. What? I was getting pelted for this on TalkSport last week. What do you mean?

Because I said that I don't like when people, this is a slightly separate point. No, I don't like it when people use fancy dress as an excuse to dress up all sexy, is what I said. Right. For me, it should be a case of taking the rise out yourself. Yeah. Was I dressed all sexy sexy i think you think you were right with fake tattoos and a vest and posing all over instagram posing all i sent one picture

two pictures just remind the listeners how old you are i'm 37 yeah i was i was at a halloween party it was a halloween weekend everyone was dressed up no further questions that's that's what happened no further questions why did you dress up like Garth why have you changed your body language why did you I'll tell you why I'm pleased you asked

actually because I was sat down about 7pm after a day at work in my pyjamas after a shower watching TV and Mimi

came in and said I've dressed like Wayne from Wayne Campbell from Wayne's World and because we're not going out anywhere because we've not been invited to a party this

year which is basically my fault I suppose you need to dress up as Garth I'm going to take some photos and put them on Instagram and I said I'm not doing it I'm not doing it so I'm not

doing it she said you are doing it I've laid the food out I've laid the clothes out for you put a fucking wig on I didn't have one no further questions I didn't take it serious

because I like to send myself up because I've got a British I like to send myself up I like to got a British sense of humour. I like to send myself up! I like to laugh at myself, Pete, unlike you. I just think, just get into it.

Get in, don't half-ass it. Alright, final question. Final question. Did you or did you not instantly change one of your Tinder photos to that photo?

I don't, I'm not on Tinder. I'm not on any dating app. Sorry, ladies slash men. Why would you lie about it? Why would you lie about it? Right, let's go to a break, because it's been 20 bloomin' minutes almost,

and after that we'll do some emails. Didn't get to the Curse of the Colonel. Oh, right. Bloody, bloody hell. The problem appears to be that we haven't got our photo ID to try and travel to Scotland, which, as far as I can remember remember was in the British Isles. What can we do? We're utterly

hamstrung by these thick-headed people wearing orange suits. Welcome back to the Luke and Pete show. Episode whatever it is. 113, yeah. The Curse of the Colonel, maybe we'll come to next time around because I think it's probably going to be quite a lot of stories.

Oh fuck, I've still got loads of stories in Japan, mate. Oh, do it next time. All right, then. People have emailed it. We're 117 emails behind now. We've got to catch up otherwise people are going

to stop emailing us. Do some bloody emails then, mate. All right. This one's from Simon in Norwich. Hi, Simon. I like this one. He says, Hello, gents.

Of course, if you want to get in touch, hello at lukeandpete.com. He says, Hello, gents. I just made a classic schoolboy error today. Having listened to your output for a few years, I've gathered a mental image of you both. Obviously, compete show.com he says hello gents made a classic schoolboy error today having listened to your output for a few years i've gathered a mental image of you both obviously never felt

the need to look up your physical forms though that became apparent this evening after visiting the big smoke that is london today and consuming a few beers i was sat in a pub near liverpool street station and to the table adjacent to mine were two blokes i watched for a while and was determined that they were you two. A small skinny bloke covered in tattoos and wearing a solid pair of trousers and his mate, a slightly bigger guy, wearing a beanie hat and a bushy ginger beard. Determined it was you, I approached the couple, only to be told they are not Luke and Pete, but in fact German,

and here for some sort of folk music concert. That was fine until they decided to join me afterwards to try and enlighten me on the UK's underground folk music scene. That sounds great, to be honest. I finished my beer, made my excuses, and left for a train that was still one hour from due. Love the output, and cheers, Simon. Let's talk about the basic errors that Simon's made there.

One, you and I would never go drinking together. No, never hang out together. This does not happen. You'd never invite me out. You are a terrible friend yeah fine secondly if we were going to go out

we wouldn't go out on Liverpool Street would we it's not convenient for either of us it's a weird kind of place Liverpool Street Station did he say

yeah Simon's waiting for the train isn't he that's basically why yeah but why are they there yeah exactly why are we there no it wasn't us how do they know

how does he know that they're going to a folk music festival yeah I don't know what we were doing I just remembered it wasn't us. How does he know that they're going to a folk music festival? Yeah, I don't know what we were doing. I just remembered it. It wasn't us. That's folk music festivaling.

I was actually at Cecil Sharp House a couple of weeks ago, which is the home. Your weekends are so boring. It was a weeknight. I've got fucking tattoos on. I'm running around fucking Shibuya with a fucking plastic baseball bat. Yeah. Right?

That's my life, right? Yeah. I'm going to be going to the grave going, I'm glad I fucking did that I'm glad I was pissed I'm glad I was drinking squeak gone soup I got out of the fucking

vending machine I'm glad what are you running away from and you're going from what are you running from this show this show I try to run away from it

every time I like the message our colleague sent the other day which I thought was tremendously accurate about you Donaldson right

and it said, let me find it. It said, I can't find it now, but it was basically about you being a caged bird, but we leave the cage open. Here we go. You're like a tamed parrot, Pete.

You like to think you're free, but even with the cage door wide open, you always come back to your perch. There's a pretty boy. Yeah. That's you. That's fine. I'm at Cecil Sharp House watching the future of UK folk music, mate.

Yeah? That's what floats my boat. Blair Dunlop. I don't even know. Cecil Sharp House. Where's that? It's near Regent's Park. It's a very nice venue, mate.

You'd enjoy it, actually. It's an award-winning folk and music dance place. I'll wait for it to become cool cool and then I'll see you there. Do an email. Or do you want me to do another one? Do an email. Can you do... I favourited an email

that it's just a man talking about Simon Weston. I don't want to do that. For goodness sake. Goodness me. Goodness me. All right, what about this one from Chris Walker?

He says, morning all. The Pink Floyd chat at the start of episode 109 got me thinking and the following imaginary scenario came into my head

imagine that Pete has invited you Luke to go and be in the studio while he's doing his radio show but has got to go to the toilet midway through

that's probably happened before hasn't it I'd say so yeah you lock the studio door so he can't get back in I haven't done that and you have the chance to play one Pink Floyd song

instead of what Pete has planned in a Shawshank Redemption style banging on the window takeover. Are you familiar with that scene? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so what Pink Floyd song would I choose? I don't know.

Probably the longest one, so Pete would get more annoyed. Yeah. I mean, we would be playing that anyway. Let's make that very clear. Not the Pink Floyd I'd play, mate. That was from Chris Walker. I don't know, set the controls for the heart of the song

because it's sinister. That's what I'd do. Yeah, wouldn't know how it would work on the buttons. I genuinely wouldn't be able to do it, yeah. John says, I recently listened to Pod 101. Oh, somebody's really behind. Behind, yeah. You're the only listener more behind than we are.

Bit fucking rich. And heard someone nominate people who hate cheese but still eat pizza for Room 101. really behind. Behind, yeah. You're the only listener more behind than we are. Bit fucking rich. We had a podcast today and heard someone nominate people who hate cheese but still eat pizza for Room 101. I fit this description. Right.

The problem I've got with this, Pete, is, what's the name of this email now? Johnny. We need to stop. We're sorry. Johnny.

Why don't you come on home? Johnny needs to understand and stop behaving like the cheese on a pizza isn't cheese Johnny hates Moz yeah

yeah carry on trying to think of the cheese that sound like jazz it's free to email okay as someone who fits

this description I thought I should email in and defend myself it comes down to a texture thing texture is the driving force of my palate that's wonderful it's great to know one's self greatxture is the driving force of my palate. That's wonderful.

It's great to ignore oneself. Great album. Great album. That is a Pink Floyd album, I think, late on. Crumbly hard cheeses like cheddar are utterly repulsive. However, brie and good mozzarella

are amazing. For this reason, I enjoy pizza as the cheese is soft and gooey. And not just pizza, I enjoy melted cheese in any context. The Pete Donaldson meal that I always, the meal that I, in quotes, you know, in air quotes meal, yeah, that I always associate with you, Pete, is the...

Student fondue. Yeah, it's the cheese over the back of the mug in the microwave. Yeah. It's not over the back of the mug. Oh, that's another one. I saw a woman who, in a bar, a lot of bars in Japan, you pay like an entrance fee and it's kind of like, it's kind of like 500 yen, about a drink's worth. She took these really cheap sort of cheddar slices you'd get,

you know the ones that are in the plastic sheets? Yeah, for a burger. Yeah, cut them into triangles, put them in the microwave, and they hardened. I don't know what kind of cheese it was. Hardened, bubbled, and they were delicious. That's almost like a turbo version of your student meal. It was incredible. She just went, bubbled, and they were delicious. That's almost like a turbo version

of your student meal. It was incredible. She just went, I went, how did you do this? She went, I put it in the microwave. I went,

oh, this is delightful. Did you used to fill a mug up with cheese? Yeah, fill the mug up with cheese, yeah. And then microwave it.

And then basically the rennet would settle, it would go to the bottom and the grease would, so it was actually making it healthy or anything because that tip out

the yellow sort of slightly translucent grease. It may well be but I don't think it improves your mental health. No. Because it is quite tragic.

My right leg would go blue for a few days. I ate what I thought was a lovely soft cheese while I was away after a bit of a boozy night out

and it turns out it was butter. Oh, right. Bite in. boozy night out, and it turns out it was butter. Oh, right. Biting. That's not great, is it? Why are they in squares? Why are they in cubes? I remember a children's board game in the sort of mid to late 80s.

Come on, let's eat some butter, kids. Well, honestly, it would never exist now. It was called dare. Right. And you'd play with your pals, and you'd roll a dice and go around the board, and sometimes you would land on a square that said dare. You'd take a dare

from the pack, the pack of cards. And honestly, Donnie, some of the dares... Honestly, doctor. Yeah, some of the dares, honestly,

I remember one of them being eat a tablespoon full of butter. That's all right. Hang on, wait, tablespoon's a big one. That's not good. Eat a teaspoon of salt. That's not good either.

One of them was like drink, it might have been a teaspoon or a dessert spoon or whatever of vinegar. It was really fast. Vinegar's alright. Yeah, but like, you know,

cinnamon challenge precursor. True. Mind you, vinegar actually, a teaspoon of vinegar will help the medicine go down. No, it instantly cure your hiccups. Is that true?

Yep. Because it gives your body something else to think about no I think it's just the acid it kills it I don't know why it kills it hiccups are like a spasm

isn't it they look like a doctor right let's do I've got one final thing to clear up one piece of album to clear up before we go alright mama

this is from Fred he says hello after listening to episode 109 another 109 episode related email. He says, I think I have an idea of what the fruit Pete ate in Zimbabwe might be. Oh, yes. The fleshy, dirty fruit.

Yeah. It sounds very similar to what I had in Sri Lanka, which was called a wood apple. It's one of the oddest looking but loveliest fruits I've ever had. I've got another suggestion here. So is that right or wrong? Two. Yes, it could be. No, it's similar, but the wood apple looks too dry in the middle. It looks like it's too much fibre.

What about this from Carl in Birmingham? He says, on episode 109, Donnie mentioned the mythical fruit he sampled in Zimbabwe and mentioned it had no name in the English language. After some scouting, I found its local name. It's Matamba. Matamba? The monkey orange. Monkey orange?

It really is an odd-looking delicacy, but it's truly a treat. Try looking in South African supermarkets if you want another one. Oh, Mutamba, it seems. Yeah, it's known colloquially as the monkey orange. Not that? All right, well, listen, the mystery continues. It does look more like the wood apple. or Mutamba it seems yeah it's known colloquially as the monkey orange not that alright well listen the mystery continues it does look more

like the wood apple does look more like the wood apple but the flesh it just seemed maybe the maybe there was it just was a bad one

or a really good one the memories live on one day one day one day we'll get to the bottom of that mystery that's about as much as we've got time for

so much as that can fucking take mate yeah our late episode of Luke and Pete show episode 113 we'll get to the bottom of that mystery. Don't worry, that's about as much as we've got time for. So much as that can fucking take, mate. Yeah, our late episode of Luke and Pete Show, episode 113. We'll be back on Thursday with 114, of course. Yes. And Pete promises to give you the story of the Colonel. The Colonel of Truth and Osaka Legend. Is this a military colonel or?

No. Okay, right, great. We'll look forward to that then. Yeah, stay tuned. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com. Tell all your friends at LukeandPeteShow on social media. Leave us a review on iTunes if you like us

and we'll see you next time. Don't sound so resigned. Leave us a review on iTunes, dickheads. Come on. This is Team Luke and Pete Show. Let's get into it. Your country needs you. Bye. it your country needs you bye