The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 116: Pete Assange

Episode Date: November 15, 2018

Pete has decided he'd quite like to visit the Japanese embassy, which is pretty handy as he's recently been cordially invited. Better pack the Ferrero Rocher. More details to follow on later episodes (hopefully), but Luke is keen to see him move in there permanently, preferably with the odd visit from Nigel Farage.During this episode we also hear from Stewie Donaldson and his new best mate Crypto Dave (!), a woman actually carries out an urban myth, and we hear about a truly rare beast - a successful wikipedia edit. There's plenty more where that came from too! Email us with your stories: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How are you doing? It's the Luke and Pete show with Kat from Red Dwarf. Wow! I can't remember what I used to say. Just been voted off Strictly Come Dancing of course. I hear he's not nice. Do you? Oh, Pete's Wicked Whispers already. I know, right? Pete's Wicked Whispers already.

So early in the show, Pete. I know, yeah. I've heard bad reviews of him. He fell out with his dancer, I think, didn't he? With his reception. The ambassador's reception. You're spoiling us with these Wicked Whispers. I'm Luke Moore.

This is the Luke and Pete Show. That man there taking his shirt off because he's already hot The ambassador's reception. You're spoiling us with these wicked whispers. I'm Luke Moore. This is the Luke and Pete show. That man there taking his shirt off because he's already hot is Mr. Pete Diggory Donaldson. The Japanese embassy got in touch with the guy who I do Broad in Japan with, Chris Broad, and said I should visit the embassy. I've had an official invite from the embassy of Japan. I mean, that's a mistake on their part. The ambassador's reception.

What do you expect it to be like? So this says more about my latent racism than anything else. In my mind, it's like bloody Blade Runner in there. I think it's down on approaching Park Lane. I think it's down on Piccadilly. Nice spot. Nice spot. The Cambodian one is on Brondersbury Park in northwest London,

just up the road from Queen's Park. And it's a fairly large, but otherwise unimpressive detached house. Have you seen the North Korean embassy in London? No, I have not. It's beautiful. I would like to. That is the North Korean embassy. It's just an end kind of detached house.

It's exactly like the Cambodian one. Exactly like that. Isn't it weird though? A little gated community. They've got a little flag. The diplomats sort of come in and come out i mean they mainly come in but um yeah it's uh up in it's gunnersbury gunnersbury avenue right a lot of the countries uh the prominent ones who had big pieces of real estate in the center of london have moved to that nine elms development haven't they because this because partly because the property is worth so

much money yeah and they can you know make good good good coin on it did coin on it. Do they buy or do they rent those sort of things? I believe a lot of the older ones, I guess like the American one or whatever, I think they've had that real estate for a long time. Yeah. And it's worth 50, 60 million. Well, they've moved, haven't they, the American one? A lot of them have moved down to Nine Elms in Vauxhall, yeah.

Recently on the Luke and Pete show, we ate odd flavoured Kit Kats. We did do that. I don't usually like eating on the radio, so to speak, but I thought it filled a hole.

Cameron, I mean, the most recent episode, Cameron got in touch on Twitter to say, I think this genuinely may be the funniest episode you guys

have done. No accounting for taste. We also talked about the curse of the Colonel, the Japanese baseball team's curse of the KFC Colonel.

A story I've told three times to different people who haven't heard the Luke and Pete show Colonel. A story I've told three times to different people who haven't heard Luke and Pete Shaw about the same reaction I got from you, to be honest. Disappointed. I was so excited by that story. You're dining out on it, though.

I think it says more about your ability to tell a story than anything else. Oh, yeah, damn right. We waxed lyrical about phobias. We marveled at the bizarre hot and cold flavours of 90s Ribena in the 90s. I think it was in the 90s, wasn't it? And we also appreciated Cliff Young,

the Australian Cliff Young, inadvertently winning an endurance race back in the 80s by wearing farmer's boots and not sleeping. Did you know that the former deputy ambassador to North Korea defected to South Korea in 2016? No, I did not know that. So he probably got an Uber

from the North Korean embassy yeah in Gunnersbury and popped over to the South Korean one I've got I guess that how it would work I've got a feeling

that you are about to become the Julian Assange of the Japanese embassy what I'd just have a little room live in there yeah that'd be brilliant they'd have all the best food

you'd get a vitamin D deficiency it would be like the ambassador's reception but instead of Frere Rocher it would be Takoyaki. Little steamed.

Little octopus balls in a ball basically. Apparently Julian Assange I believe it was vitamin D deficiency because he wasn't getting outside enough. He's got a little balcony

he can step outside can't he? It's just what I read. It's just what I read. So what's the context of the visit? He managed to get off with Pamela Anderson when he was in there.

Is that true? Yeah Pamela Anderson is his visitor. He's st that true? Yeah, Pamela Anderson's a visitor. It's stinking at Laos. So is Nigel Farage. Doesn't mean anything until... Well, there was something until war going on, but not of that nature. Yeah, very certainly went out with Pamela Anderson.

What's the context of your visit to the Japanese war? I want to see Pamela Anderson. What do you mean, the context? You said you should visit. I was like, oh, I will. Are you going to go? I don't know. The thing is, it's one of those things.

It's when Biffy Clara said I should come and watch, when I interviewed one of them, you should come and watch us when you go to Portugal, Peter don't know. The thing is, it's one of those things. It's when Biffy Clara said I should come and watch, when I interviewed one of them, you should come and watch us when you go to Portugal, Peter. I went, yes, I will. But then there's a disconnect between how do I make that happen? I have to ask for email addresses. I have to kind of formally approach people. It's never going to happen, is it?

No, not on your watch. I might knock on the door and go, hello, I'm a podcaster and a Japanese boy. Let me in. He's not Japanese, is he? No. He's from Kent. I'd like to mic you up

in everything you do. Yeah. Particularly that. Or walk into the embassy with a mic. Just wearing a wire. Like Viggo Mortensen's character in Carlito's Way.

I'm wearing a wire, man. I got shit in the diaper, man. I got shit in the diaper, man. That's what I like to see you do. Wearing a wire like in Carlito's Way in the Japanese embassy. And you know what I like to do when you walk in? a wire, like in Carlito's way in the Japanese embassy. And,

and that was what I like to do when you walk in, you walk, this is how it's going to work in my mind. You walk into the Japanese embassy, you've been invited. So you can walk in there. Fine. Freely.

Yeah. You'd sort of play around with your mic. Yeah. And we see that you're wearing a wire. And then at that point you break the fourth wall, look to camera and go, I expect you're wondering how I got here. That would be ideal.

Yeah. And then I go, bring me all the taco how I got here. That would be ideal. Yeah. And then I go, bring me all the takoyaki you've got. And when you say, I expect you're wondering how I got here, we then rewind all the way back to you with your arm around that chimp at five years old in Hartlepool Zoo. Right. And that's where it all starts. That's a long story.

The biopic of your life. Yeah. People tune in. You always ask for a Stuart Donaldson update. Oh, yes, I do. I've got one. I got a rather cryptic text from my dad yesterday saying, Crypto Dave is my hero.

Right, who's Crypto Dave? Fuck knows. I've Googled him. I've asked him. I just literally replied, does he go to your pub? And he said, he's far too rich to be seen there. So Crypto Dave might be a troublesome character. I don't know. He might have followed a bad crowd. Sounds like he sits in the to be seen there. So Crypto Dave might be a troublesome character. I don't know.

He might have fallen into a bad crowd. Sounds like he sits in the local doing the cryptic crossword. Oh, crypto. Well, yeah. Crypto Dave. Crypto Dave. What do you imagine him to be like? I don't know. I'm just really obsessed with how little money he's got now because he put all his money into Bitcoin.

Yeah, well, we've all done that. We've all done that. Ethereum. I've got a bit of Ethereum, as you know. It's like a disease. It's just the way my trousers are hanging. Thay Young Ho.

Thay Young Ho is the highest ranking North Korean official to defect. And he defected from the North Korean embassy here in London. We should be honoured. So he was trusted.

He was trusted. Trusted. And did you watch the Michael Palin one? Oh, he went to North Korea, didn't he? A couple of episodes. It's quite good.

It is quite good, but it's all very kind of like voyeuristic. No, because Michael Palin is doing it, it's fine. But if a YouTuber goes and does it, it's a disgrace

that you're kind of feeding the machine. No, I think it depends. I think Palin probably, look, it's hard for us to judge because we're not in that situation. And Palin,

I'm not realistically going to give Michael Palton tips about doing a travel documentary, but he probably could have been a bit more forthright with them. But he was also, with these two guys, who I think he warmed to and who he got on with really well. But the thing is, the money that goes,

it's quite apart from actually filming a documentary about it, the money still goes to the regime, doesn't it? That's the reason why tourism is frowned upon. I'd like to go north of the border. You've been to the DMZ, haven't you? I've been to the DMZ. There's like a little kind of observation tower with some really strong binoculars.

You can look into Pyongyang if you want. The Donaldson Military Zone. It's so sort of voyeuristic. It's the little leaflets. It says, dare to take a peek into Pyongyang. And there's a train station that's out there and it's still kind of, you know, it's cleaned every day. It's like a functioning train station

but the trains don't go anywhere. Right. They sort of end north of Seoul and they don't go, they obviously don't go to Pyongyang so it's the train station of hope, basically. Right.

That they hope one day that it'll be able to travel to Pyongyang. Donald Trump, that's his way, little rocket man will be. Rocket man. Doing all that stuff. Something that caught my eye recently

and I thought you'd enjoy this and this is perfect luke and pete show uh fodder an urban myth right of the type that we always used to hear about as children of the 80s and 90s and i don't need to go into detail yeah well you know what i will things like oh don't go to that water park because someone put razor blades down the water slide yeah don't eat that food because someone put a razor blade in there i'm fairly certain somebody put nails through the Milhouse Leisure Centre. Easily done. Well, someone put drawing pins

on the bottom of our swimming pool at school. That happened. I witnessed that with my own eyes. That definitely happened. Right. Wouldn't drawing pins float? No. Really?

No. No. These didn't. Sounds like you ran some tests. Ask me again. Do drawing pins float? How could I possibly know? I don't know what you're talking about.

No, but honestly, that did happen at my school. But generally speaking, they're avid myths. You're punishing the weak there, aren't you? The people who put their feet down. Well, the reason I know it happened is because my best friend, Jimmy, you know about. Jimmy the fruitarian. Yeah, he can't swim. Right.

And so he used to go on the shallow end for our swimming lessons at school. So this is the thing, I went to a rough school but the one thing it did have was a swimming pool and it was like a big thing. But Jimmy couldn't swim

and nor could his twin sister. Jimmy couldn't swim. Yeah, sounds like a Bruce Springsteen song. And so he used to have to walk along the swimming pool floor at the shallow end like doing whatever,

he was doing with these floats or whatever. And he was the one who said, Jesus, look there's pins in the water. Jesus, there's pins in the water and there's blood in the water and sharks arrived. Yeah, exactly. A drawing pin can smell a cubic centimetre of blood in a million. It's so

kind of right random that he'd actually get his foot on one. Because how many pins would you have to have put in there? Oh, it's like a big they used to come in quite big boxes at our school in the station if you're a teacher if the teacher who administers the swimming pool I'm presuming it's like a big... They used to come in quite big boxes at our school in the stationery cupboard. If your teacher... If the teacher who administers the swimming pool, I'm presuming it's the PE department, can't notice a lot of drawing pins at the bottom of a pool.

They have no right to own a pool. Our school was a shit show. Close it down. Anyway, to get on to my point, this caught my eye this week. A 50-year-old woman has been arrested in relation to the contamination of strawberries with needles.

Oh, yeah. A number of needles were found inside strawberries by shoppers across Australia in September and charges are expected to be laid. She was a big deal.

This news story was a big deal three or four weeks ago, wasn't it, when they first started finding needles in strawberries? Oh, I only found it yesterday. And it was like

a nationwide kind of health scare. How has she got access to that many strawberries? I think she worked, oh, what do you mean? Well, you just go into shops,

don't you? Just sort of pop the needles in. What are you doing? Nothing. Yeah, what are you doing? What are you doing with those strawberries? Are you going to pay for those?

The, so it was sewing needles, presumably, to fit into the strawberries. You couldn't put knitting needles. I can show you a picture, but I can't really see. It's not really that clear.

Yeah, that's a sewing needle, isn't it? unless that's a mass of strawberries, not a knitting needle, is it? It's gigantic strawberries. Everyone that's a mass of strawberries, not a knitting needle, is it? Basically, gigantic strawberries. Everyone who's purchased strawberries

at Woolworths in Queensland, which is big. Where she's done it. And New South Wales and Victoria. So basically, I think the three most populous states in Australia have been told to chuck them away. Yeah.

I mean, that's the effect she's had. Or do some sewing. Wait until they rot and do some sewing. She has sown a lot of danger if you know what I mean she's literally sown seeds that's what I'm saying because they're covered in seeds

yeah true exactly it's the only fruit where the seeds are on the outside is that true yeah and she's she's clearly damaged

and she's clearly very she's a bit cat bin lady for me you don't know who it is do you what do you mean well you haven't seen her have you no but

no I'm not saying she looks like the cat bin lady. I don't know. But, like, that kind of... No, I'm going to... It's a cry for help. I'm not having this. If you're putting needles in her. It may well be a cry for help, but I don't think you can equate the two.

A woman who puts a cat in a bin... Now, I'm a cat owner. You know I'm a cat lover. Right. I'm not defending that. It's horrendous. But you're not seriously going to impair the health of potentially thousands of people by putting a single, solitary cat in an empty bin.

I don't know how important that cat is. It could be the cat from Men in Black with the galaxy on its collar yeah could be the ambassador to North Korea

could be this cat could have been yeah could have started a new war oh well done you think you're just putting a normal cat in a bin

you've actually just scuppered a defection now western civilisations are in mild peril I just think it's a shame that people have to do that sort of thing to get attention.

What do you think about those urban myths we used to have when we were kids? Raise the blaze down the water flume was a big one. Well, we sort of talked about the clowns, the killer clowns. Oh, yeah, we'll talk a bit about them. Should we have a break and talk about them in the emails? We've got to do emails about that. I'm helpful. So, Sheikh, you're telling me that drinking camel's jorin is part of the

thing? Ach, you don't get me wrong. And we're back to the Luke and Peter show. Yes, we are. Yes, we are.

Yes, we can. We promised emails because Urban Miss, right? So we promised emails about Urban Miss because we had a guy got in touch with us

and possibly last show around or the one before that about killer clowns and blue transit vans, right? Yes. I've got a follow-up here from Aaron. It's the blue transit vans I don't sort of really get. It's confusing.

So as I've said a hundred times, we're razor-blazing in a water flume and razor-blazing apples. Do you have any sort of variations on that, Pete, from where you... I don't really remember the razor blades, but I remember the thing you're going to talk about, the Chelsea Smile thing.

Oh, okay, right. So Aaron's got in touch he says all right boys i'm writing to reply to the email you received about the clowns in blue transit vans terrorizing children of lanarkshire of course if you want to get in touch with an email it's hello at luke and pete show.com as aaron's done aaron goes on to say it's clear that by the time i heard about the clowns about 11 years ago chinese whispers had taken place while the clowns still drove a blue transit van their method of punishment was different they would tie you down and slit the corners of your mouth with a standing knife to the point where you could easily place a credit card in and then pour vinegar into your wounds what made this worse for me was at the part of a sunny coat bridge where i grew up was that less than three streets away was a man who owned a blue transit van i did some background reading myself and discovered streets away was a man who owned a blue transit van i did some

background reading myself and discovered that it was reportedly men who had escaped from carstairs hospital a psychiatric ward for around 140 patients while there's clearly something to this story um i think it stemmed from pennywise all along as in from stephen king's it um yeah so i mean not really a huge amount of further information other than some more myths there. No. You could probably fit a credit card in your mouth anyway, couldn't you? I reckon so. I've got quite a sort of letterboxy kind of mouth.

That's why I never made it as a boxer. But the whole sort of splitting of the sides of the mouth. Chelsea smile, yeah. Yeah, Chelsea smile. And then you tickle them, so they laugh, and their face just splits. I think that was all from, like, The Joker. Remember, like, Batman, the Tim Burton first Joker? Was there not a film at some point where someone says,

I'll make you smile for the rest of your life? Some sort of British gangster movie or something. It might have come from that. Tedious, isn't it? It's tedious. It's easily stitched up. And you look badass. Speaking of terrible British movies,

that to me is a real interest. There's so many, more than you could ever imagine, terrible British gangster movies been made. There's gangster movies. There's even ones with pretty decent casts that people sort of go, oh, that's pretty good. What was the last Michael Caine film where he sort of played an old bloke who couldn't understand? Oh, Harry Brown. Harry Brown. That's actually quite good. No, it's not Kane film where he sort of played an old bloke who couldn't understand?

Harry Brown. That's actually quite good. No, it's not. I thought it was decent. It's really bleak. If you watch it again, it's not. It's really clunky. I think you're wrong. I think we're talking about a far worse calibre of movie than that. There are a lot worse. And everyone

just screams tax break. Every one of them just screams. The worst one I've ever seen is one called bonded by blood which features no doubt surprised to know uh tamer hassan and a guy who used to be a doorman yet somehow forged out some sort of acting career and i do use that in the loosest possible terms um we're talking about three or four levels below anything danny dyer's agent would even put to him that sort of level and it is the most astonishingly bad acted film

to the point of where I think that you could probably pick four or five people off the street and give them a bit of time to learn the lines and they could do as good a job

The Sweeney with Plan B Plan B's good in Harry Brown he's really dark in Harry Brown he can actually he's got some acting chops but I think there's a certain raft of British gangster movies

that came after Lockstock that just seem to be ways of men and women cleaning money I think there's a definite bit of tax breaks and also maybe a little bit of money laundering in it as well

because the quality is so poor and the fantasies are so in it as well because the quality is so poor and the fantasies are so nonsensical and the scripts are so bad I just think there's got to be something maybe someone who works

for the Met they can sort of fill us in as to whether there's any truth to that but it certainly seems but you say that but I don't think that

I understand why that would be the case for people making the movie but some of the people involved in those types of movies I'm mentioning there, I mean,

they're seriously going to be like, right, do you want to be in a movie for the next three months? It's 20 grand. I mean, they're going to do it.

Yeah. Because they don't have any money and they need to work, right? And they want to be active. I know, talk like this. Yeah, exactly. I think you could pass

for quite a good sort of sinister villain. But Lock, Stock and Snatch, in the same way that the Libertines have got a lot to answer for about what came after them, those two films and Guy Ritchie

have got a lot to answer for. No, excellent. Guy Ritchie, I always forget which way around it is, but Guy Ritchie can either create, he can film, but he can't write, or he can either write and he can't film. I can't remember,

because I quite liked his Sherlock Holmes. I've not seen that. I quite rate him. The problem is, it's weird, because Sherlock Holmes, the Guy Ritchie one, and the one which is called Elementary with, is it Johnny Lee Miller? Oh, that's a TV show, isn't it?

Yes, but they both come around the same time as the Benedict Cumberbatch, Mark Gatiss Sherlock, which of course means it's just... Lucy Liu, Charlie's Angels. Get on the floor speaking of Mark Gatiss did you happen across

it's not Gatiss whatever did you not he's not involved we lambasted Marcus in Bagel instead of Bagel which

straight I mean I'm rightly so I think have a Bagel yeah the Halloween special of Inside Number 9

did you see it? I didn't see it. It's live, wasn't it? Well, it's excellent. I'm not going to say or tell you what it was like

and I'm not going to spoil it for people listening at home. If you're listening now and you've seen it, you know what I mean. That's one of those things that my own personal Halloween nightmare

is the fact that I wasn't in the country when that was on so people just keep on going, did you see it? Did you see it? I just haven't. I got it on Catch Up,

bruv. Oh, Catch Up. Watch it on probably the 3rd't. I've got it on catch-up, bruv. Oh, catch-up. Watch it on probably the 3rd or 4th of November. So, you know, that's the kind of guy I am. Do you want to do another email, mate? I'll do another email. Let me have a look.

I'll see you asterisked a load of them in the inbox. Well, I asterisked a load of them, but then I was like, oh, the, then I looked for the clowns. Samuel. Hello, Samuel. I won't give you the second name just in case you get into trouble. And also, it's quite hard to say your middle name.

All right, lads. Up above nothing, I thought I'd share a story with you and see if any other listeners or hosts, I could definitely see Pete doing something like this, have any similar stories. I've known my mate since we were about 12, and he's always been a massive wine merchant and prankster and semi-regular Wikipedia vandal. Usually, his stuff gets removed by jobs with quite quickly. They're literally doing their jobs, Samuel. But as of right now, this particular piece of bollocks

has been there for about four years. It's not even an obscure page in the backwaters of the site. It must get thousands upon thousands of hits a week, and there's actually some quality proof that people have actually taken this seriously. The vandalism itself is on the page for Earl Grey tea. He told me at the time it wasn't even one of his

more considered pieces or any particular attempt at fooling the moderators. It was something stupid for his own amusement that he assumed that would be gone by the time he woke up

the next morning. Pete, can I cut in there and say that most Wikipedia vandalism is horrendously shit. Yeah, it's all shit. I don't know what this email's about,

but you're saying this is a particularly good example. It's a good example, yeah. It's not even just a sentence or two, it's all shit. I don't know what this email's about, but you're saying this is a particularly good example. It's a good example, yeah. It's not even just a sentence or two, it's a whole section. My mate describes in great detail the entirely fictitious history of Earl Grey being used as a mixer for gin, spawning the equally fictitious cocktail,

the Morsley Tea Service, after the rich part of Birmingham. It's still in there, I believe. He made it sound vaguely plausible, and even used citations and references to genuine publications, though sneakily to incredibly obscure stuff you couldn't verify without actually having to go to a library. The best part, though, is that when I googled

Moseley Tea Service a couple of years later to see if it was still on the Wikipedia page, to my absolute amazement, I found some bars and restaurants had actually put it on their menus. It's spread around the world as far as a bar in Halifax, Nova Scotia, one in Aberdeen, one in California, and possibly my favourite is a fancy hotel in the drink spiritual home of Birmingham.

Is it included in the recipe then? No, no, I think somebody just went, oh, we'll call this Elgrin, who's gin drink. Because I've long suspected that people who make cocktails who call themselves mixologists are full of hot hair

and are absolute bellends. Hot air and hot hair. Yeah. Absolute. Cocktail, I'm not an angry man usually, but you can make a cocktail without fucking about. Yes, I agree. And people fuck about too much.

And I'm probably three deep at the bar back and I just want a beer. Get on with it. And I'm dressed exactly the same as the guy behind the cocktail bar. Yeah. You look like you're going for an interview for the job. I've got me little brass bracelets around my elbows.

Armbands. To keep my armbands. Brass bracelets, as they're so well known. Brass bracelets. Yeah, so, because we did, I did one for,

was it, the Aston Villa manager, French. Gerard Houllier. Gerard Houllier. That's right. So this, essentially,

in summary, this guy's invented a El Grey cocktail tradition that people have adopted as fact. You did, Gerard Houllier, when he was appointed the manager of Aston Villa. Yes. We had, or you suggested that people who were reporting on this, which wouldn't check stuff, they'd just be going straight to Wikipedia. So you put a couple of two, two or three, I think.

Where he started his career. Fictional French football team. Yes. And they got picked up by, not all of them, but quite a lot of reputable news outlets. It was in Yahoo, it was on Eurosport. Yeah. We'd got them, which kind of,

it does make me sort of think, why do people give me bum clues for going for Claude? But they're already mugging off themselves in that situation. Exactly. They're already like themselves. And I do think you can, I mean, I remember reading a few years ago now, Richard Dawkins, before he went properly head mental,

obviously is an authority on evolutionary biology. I don't think anyone really disputes that. And he was tasked by, I think, is it Jimmy Wales, the founder of Wikipedia? I think it was him. Anyway, someone tasked Richard Dawkins with, go onto the Wikipedia page about evolution and tell me in your professional opinion how accurate it is.

And he did that. Dawkins mentioned it in one of his talks and said he was astonished how good it was, how accurate it was. And so at its best, Wikipedia is amazing. Oh, yeah. But you've got to, a lot of times, you've got to go and look at the sources and make sure it's from where it's from. If you find something, oh, that's really interesting.

And it happens quite a lot with when I'm doing Wrestle Me, and I don't know any of the wrestlers, so I'm sort of Wikipedia all these wrestlers. And they do, because if there's one side of the internet that are really kind of big on kind of facts and stuff and heights and build where they're from and ages and dates and stuff, it's wrestling fans. They're really on it.

But that's all bullshit anyway, isn't it? They make it up, don't they? Well, they make up where they're from. And their heights and weights. I met a new one this week because we were doing a slightly different show. Kabuki,

or the Great Kabuki. He's from Japan. He's from some prefecture at the bottom of the country. He blows, he's one of the first people to sort of throw dust around. I think they call it Asian dust.

It's some kind of weird stuff that does spells and things burns the eyes as wrestlers so he's from Japan his name is an ancient

Japanese theatre and they've billed him from being from like Indonesia or something Singapore it's like why his name's the

Great Kabuki say he's from Japan a lot of this a lot of the stuff they did I mean regular listeners to Wrestle Me

will know this on one of them is that a lot of it's quite problematic isn't it so like Kamala being like

from deepest darkest Africa when he's actually from like Missouri or whatever yeah exactly and they also not just where

people are from but they massively exaggerate their heights and weights as well massively so when like Andre was genuinely

a gigantic character, but they sort of said quite early on, don't stand next to any basketball players because basketball players are just taller than him. You just look ridiculous. They're taller than him. Yeah.

Exactly. I just want to finish off with an email, quite a sort of poignant email. It's from Callum. It's quite a really interesting read, but also quite a bleak and sort of sad one as well

Callum says Hi guys I've been catching up with the show since getting into it a couple of months ago I've got a story I thought you might enjoy

My grandad Don is now 75 and profoundly deaf He has been deaf since a bout of meningitis as a baby He's Glaswegian and a real character

In the 50s being deaf was really hard At his school. They were forbidden from using sign language instead of instructed to lip read. Now this is ridiculously hard for somebody who's never had any semblance of hearing because they don't know the shape and sounds of the words. Um, the punishment for this for signing was typically a ruler to the hands. So in fifties and sixties and seventies,

my ex girlfriend's father used to say this, he got really bad treatment at school for being left-handed. He almost literally had it beaten out of him. And this is a similar type of thing, although more harsh. He said, at his granddad Don's deaf school,

boarding school, they'd also enforce a strict 7pm lights out rule, forcing children as old as 15 to go to sleep but it was still light. And they also had to wear shorts every day during the summer. And that was mandatory. Don was fed up with this.

I know. Don was fed up with this. He said, so he was going to escape. This was a tight operation where the school had alarm systems, bells that rang when windows and doors opened, but he had a plan nonetheless. A symptom of my granddad's deafness is that his eardrum has a wider gap than most,

leaving him with earache at times and affecting his balance. So over the course of two to three weeks, he would complain of earache and head to the nurse to receive some cotton wool. It would be doused with some mild anesthetic to numb the pain. And my granddad began to collect it until he had enough of it. He then enlisted the help of a friend who was partially deaf and could feel vibrations.

He went around and jammed... It's like a film. I know, it's great. Went around and jammed all of the bells with cotton wool, so when they went off, they made no sound. And then he had his friend test it. That's like a graphic adventure. Yeah.

When he escaped, no alarm sounded until the headteacher noticed he was missing. They brought him back from his house the next morning and demanded to know how he'd escaped, but he refused to tell them. He repeated this feat again, and when they assisted... Hear no evil, speak no evil. Yeah, and when they insisted he'd receive no punishment

if he told them how he did it, he revealed the elaborate plan. I just wanted to share my favourite story from my remarkable grandad, Don. All the Yeah, and when they insisted he receive no punishment if he told them how he did it, he revealed the elaborate plan. I just wanted to share my favourite story from my remarkable grandad, Don. All the best and keep up the good work. Now, that is a really terrible situation, but an amazing story, right? Oh, yeah, brilliant.

And also, I just like the fact that he collected cotton wool. That was the only place you could get cotton wool was at the nurse. Amazing. And the thing was, there's no real point to it other than just to prove a point. Say, look, fuck you lot. Yeah.

And I would like to think that he wasn't punished after that because that's a trick that teachers pull all the time. You can't just say, oh yeah, you're not going to get in trouble. Yeah. You are going to get in trouble.

Yeah. I just want you to, if you're honest and you own that, you won't get in trouble. I learned that the hard way from my old mum, didn't I? She always used to say that to me and I always used to fall for it.

Absolutely. Incredible. Lies. There was a, I was back at my parents' last weekend and we were looking at some old photos and there was a photo of me playing Sega Master System 2.

Yeah, you were playing Pole Position, I think you were playing. I can't remember. I think it was a built-in game. You were playing a built-in game. No, built-in game. You called yourself a gamer. I wasn't because I tell you,

the built-in game on that system was Alex Kidd in Miracle World. Oh, yeah. So it was definitely a cartridge game. You used to be able to get cards, card games, like games on cards back in the day I think.

Really? There we go. Alright, let's get out of here Pete Donaldson. Let's get out of here. I noticed in the background of that

shot where you're playing Pole Position in the kitchen, there's two cans that look like a modern Craft Ale, Piston Heads. Really?

And I was like, I wrote it on Instagram, you probably missed a message, but yeah, I was just astounded that time travelling craft ale is that going to be

now a bit of viral content look at this kid he was a time traveller there we go brilliant alright let's get out of here we'll be back next week hello at lukeandpete show

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