The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 119: Do you want salt and vinegar?

Episode Date: November 26, 2018

The terrible twosome are back in the habit, and this time around they're talking about U-Boats and their toilets (quite unreliable, apparently), as well as the best fish n chip shops around, paintballing and the dangers within it, and cricket.There's also a revisiting of the great Cosmo and Dibs debacle courtesy of a listener, and Pete 'Donny' Donaldson dishes out some advice. You have been warned.Got a fish n chip shop worth shouting about? Email us: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

finally we start a podcast where the audio level on the ipad is at a decent level so it doesn't go really loud and then i've got to turn it down really quickly. Flavour. Flavour. This is episode 1-1. You told me about it 10 seconds ago. 9. Inside the Ride. Inside number 119. Yes. We're inside the eye of the storm. I'm Reece Shearsmith and that's Steve Pemberton. Steve Pemberton. You don't hear that name

very often. I'll tell you what name you don't hear very often. Warren. Swallow Breverman. I was going to say Warren. Just the name Warren. you don't hear that very often well she's out of there she's just resigned from the

for being minister of exit well done Pete and thus instantly dating the time of recording on this show which isn't coming out for a good while

doesn't matter doesn't matter it's fine can I have a piece of paper off the back of your stack there this content is timeless pointless

well you can have it off the bottom I need to write the synopsis what is that back of your stack there. This content is timeless. Pointless? Well, you can have it off the bottom. I need to write the synopsis. What is that? I can't use that, can I? I've got just about enough papers to do it. Do it on your tap tap. I'll tap tap away. Do it on your tap tap.

Good idea. I'll do that instead. Welcome to the Luke and Pete show. That is Pete Donaldson. I am Luke Moore. That little domestic we've had there is a sign of things to come, probably. Regular listeners will know. There is the occasional sort of fiercely contested debate between us.

But we try and keep things cordial, don't we, for the listeners, for the young'uns. I'm just annoyed that I've torn that bit of paper to give you that piece of paper, and now I've just torn it for nothing. Do you know what I'm going to bloody do? Could you use it for something? You're going to fill,

and I'm going to literally go to that cabinet there and get some paper. So carry on talking. Why don't we have a stock of paper in the room? Because this is very much a podcast studio and podcasts,

by their very nature, can go anywhere. And people need to write synopses. People need to write what's going on in the show so that later on they can plug it on social media.

A title for the show, for example. We should know this. And what have you brought? One sugar paper. Two pieces of paper, which is exactly what I need. Yeah, but you could have brought

the whole ream. People think that the Tim Ream. Things can only get better. Is that Tim Ream? Is he the singer out of... No, he plays for Fulham. Oh, right.

D Ream is the song. I was going to say D Ream. Good, well, that's all done. I've done my admin on the show for the first time ever. Probably not the last time. And Pete, you'll never do that because you don't, famously, you don't do any admin. Printed out my emails, so I'll be ours.

Recently on the, printed them out. Yeah. Grandad. Recently on the Luke and Pete show, a cat's anal glands. A dog needing lube. Stretchers made into fences. Pete and the Japanese embassy. A successful Wikipedia edit.

And trying to con the tooth fairy out of money. Yeah, there you go. That's what we've been doing. Not too shoddy. We got through a lot last show. I like to do a sort of semi-regular update of what people have listened to before or what we've done before, so new people who stumble across this show know the type of show it is.

Does that sum up what the type of show it is? Well, listen, if you can get a mention for a cat's anal glands inside the first three minutes, I mean, I saw this on a podcast presentation by the guys at Acast. Right, well.

Get a cat's anal gland mention in there. The listeners are going to stick around. The sponsors aren't. I've noticed Beer 52's brought some beers. I don't care whether

we're still sponsored by them or not. They've brought us some beers and that's well done to them. Good for them, I say. We never drink in the office. Does anybody else? where do they all go can I just break that down

I love the late doors panic in your voice there because you went we never drink in the office but then your brain went oh maybe

they drink without me does anyone else drink in the office I'm just worried that Jim might be sleeping here he could be from the football

ramble he's had a plumbing related emergency this week oh is that why he's in early it is it genuinely is really why because the plumber's banging around the house might be sleeping here. He could be. From the football ramble. He's had a plumbing-related emergency this week, so it's possible. Oh, is that why he's in early? It is. It genuinely is.

Really? Why? Because the plumber's banging around the house? He lives above a fish and chip shop. Oh. And it's something to do with the pipes. Chip pipe. Potentially, yeah.

The chip pipe where, not many people know this, actually. I'm a fish and chip expert, as you know, Pete. I go there all the time. And the way that chips actually are delivered is from central government via a sort of quite... From the EU chip mountain? Yeah, complicated.

Yeah, it is actually the EU chip mountain. Complicated series of pipes, and they deliver them through a pipe into the fryer. And it's... This one got blocked. It's, you know, those old school shops that deliver money in those little balls, and then they get

sucked up into a tube My mum used to be in charge of that at Safeway Supermarket Like that but just a single chip Single chip every time The chip pipe got blocked

Right Everyone got covered in chips It's nice to know why Jim's on that That's my idea of a horn Yeah so that's why Jim's here

That's why that's happening What's new with you mate? What is new with me? Literally That's why we're on. Yeah, so that's why Jim's here. That's why that's happening. What's new with you, mate? What is new with me? Literally nothing. I don't think I've really done anything. I've just been recording podcasts this week. I've done a Wrestle Me, I guess,

and on one called Desert Island Dicks. Oh, yeah? How was that? It was all right. Did I get a mention? Got a few things off my chest. Did I get a mention? No, you didn't, unfortunately.

Is that produced by James? He works at Absolute. He's produced us before. Is he called mention? No, you didn't, unfortunately. Is that produced by James? He works at Absolute. He's produced us before. Is he called James? Yes, James Deacon. Yes. Oh, yes, he has, hasn't he? Yes, he has produced us before.

All right, great. There we go. I went to go and see Teenage Fan Club. Oh, yes. I saw the ticket yesterday. Lovely. Classic.

What a band. What a band. Been together. This is what I love about the Teenage Fan Club. If you allow me, you'll indulge me. There's no mucking around.

They joined, they formed in 1989. Now a couple of, you know, sometimes Gerard Love's left and come back and they've done little side projects, but ultimately they're still together. I don't think Gerard's joining them for the final Leg of the Tour, but anyway, ultimately they're still together.

Been together almost 30 years, right? There's none of this, oh, I wonder what they're going to do for their second or third album. It might be difficult. No. No.

Everyone in the band, all the three songwriters, get four songs each. Each album is roughly 12 songs. They each contribute four songs. Nice. They always do it. When you see them live,

the guy who's written the song does the lead vocals and they swap around to do the lead vocals and they swap around to do the backing vocals and stuff and everyone has a lovely time it's melodic it's jingle jangle

it's west coast pop influence it's birds influence it's beach boys influence it's big star influence and it's magnificent melodies what is their biggest hit? probably the concept, maybe.

She wears denim wherever she goes. Says she's going to buy some records by the status quo. Oh, yeah. Or Sparky's Dream. Sparky's Dream. Now that rings a bell. She lived in Spaceman. I build a plane.

Oh, right, okay. That. Classic. Who did Where I Find My Heaven? Where I find my heaven. That's the Jim Blossoms, isn't it? Oh, yes, it is. Although you've, okay. That. Classic. Who did Where I Find My Heaven? Where I find my heaven. That's the Jim Blossoms, isn't it? Oh,

yes it is. Although you've made it sound similar. In my head it is. Yeah, you've made it sound similar. You've made it sound like it's by a teenage fan club,

but it's not. you, so was there everybody, was everybody there kind of the same age as you? Yes. Or older? Was everyone respecting

the craft? What happens at gigs now because when people can't smoke what tends to happen because of that they drink more the whole place

smells of farts oh yes well that's the thing though isn't it you can't smoke inside teenage fart club I was calling it to my wife

oh no you did not bring me she was calling it armpit fan club because that's cool she could see she likes them she's tiny she could say. She likes them. She's tiny.

She's bum level for two of us, the men. I normally get seated tickets when I go to a gig with Mia, because she's smaller, shorter, and I wasn't able to this time. But she had a good time anyway. It's fine. Wear it, like, put, like, a back, you know those little backpacks you give babies? Yeah, I could do that, yeah. Wear it on a backpack.

On my backpack, yeah, I could do that wear it on a backpack on my backpack yeah I could do that anyway it was a lovely time and those I mean many people out there listening will know fully well how good Teenage Fan Club

are but if you don't and you like pop music good pop music check them out are you recommending bands from the 90s well it's formed in 1989

so technically the 80s but their best work was in the 90s absolutely a 90s band that are actually good, Teenage Fan Club. God love them.

Do you play them on Absolute? Um, no, not as much. I think we play them on the Indie Disco, maybe. You don't play them

on Absolute Radio 90s? I can't recall, to be honest. Can't recall. Literally one of the most seminal bands of the 90s. I had to get

special dispensation for playing My Chemical Romance's I'm Not Okay, I promise, last night. Right. So it was in my head, and I was like, why do my chemical romances, I'm Not Okay, I promise, last night. Right. So it was in my head.

I was like, why do we never play that? I'm not okay. I remember it, yeah. Good song. Great video as well. I recently read a book called Herding Cats. It's not about cats, Pete, before you switch off. There's apparently, I'm not a cricket expert by any means,

as everyone knows, but there's apparently quite a famous, well-respected, and very, very good book by a guy called Mike Brearley who used to captain the England cricket team. I think it's called The Art of Captaincy. Obviously, it's about the professional game, and being a captain of the cricket is really important, as you know. This guy wrote a book called, he's called Charlie Campbell, I forget. I think he's called Charlie Campbell.

Wrote a book called Herding Cats about captaining a Sunday league cricket team but he wrote it in the style of Mike Brewer's Daylight of Captaincy but it deals with all the things

you need to deal with as a amateur pub league cricketer cricket captain it's brilliant some parts of it like a couple of the slip fielders

have been up popping like pills the night before how to deal with them it tackles stuff like how to how to handle the slip fielders have been up popping like pills the night before. How to deal with them. It tackles stuff like how to handle your worst player who also owns a car. And therefore is very important. What to do when you win the toss,

deciding when to bat or bowl, but half your team haven't arrived yet. So really, you have to bat. That's right. It's hard enough sorting out an 11 side football team because i haven't got made to oh exactly like cricket like amateur like cricket i think cricket is much harder and occasionally you'll get an email going can anyone play cricket and like you sort of go i mean i'll field or something like i'll help you out but i mean if i've got to do anything like ball or hit a ball, it'll be a nightmare. It'll be a joke.

I'll make you look like a fool. I don't own any of the equipment. What do I do? And there's a lot of equipment involved. It happened exactly to my mate, you know, Jim in the fruitarium. He's a naturally hilarious man anyway. But I'm not going to turn this into art while it makes funny, but this is relevant and quite funny.

He was drafted in as like pleaded to play by the captain of this cricket team this casual cricket team might have even been a work team they needed someone desperately

and the guy was literally saying to him I know you don't know anything about cricket I know you can't play it but you are an able-bodied human being you have to play

you have to play and it was like his manager or something so he agreed and he said first of all the first thing they did was put him out

on the boundary to field, obviously. Ball came to him, and it took him three throws to get it back to the middle. He was literally throwing the ball. As hard as he could. Yeah, and run after it and pick it up again, throw it again. And the second thing that happened to him,

obviously, because it's typical, I think their batting line-up collapsed, and he was batting at number 11, but had to bat. They gave him all the gear. He played a shot uh he hit the ball yeah but it gets better than this he hit the ball and the guy up there friend called for a run he had so many pads on that he couldn't run and he just got easily run out the helmet like fell down his face his glasses all steamed up. Just play with a tennis ball.

Stop dicking about. He also lasted a legendarily short amount of time at paintball because as soon as he left the safe area, his glasses steamed up. Same here. He ran full pelt into a tank and knocked himself out. Clean out. Nice.

That's the kind of guy you're dealing with. I did that in pitball in Prague. Similar sort of thing. The glasses start steaming up and then once they go, you can't really see anything. Why have you not popped your contacts in? Because I don't like really putting them in during the day. They're night things. They're for party time.

So when you've got your contacts in, if I see you and I know you've got your contacts in, it generally means you're out for a good time, not a long time. No when you've got your contacts in, so if I see you and I know you've got your contacts in, it generally means you're out for a good time, not a long time. No, I think glasses I'll usually wear on nights out as well, to be honest.

It depends. It depends, to be honest. But I was stood on a, I thought no one's going to find me if I climb on top of this big speaker stack.

Well, everyone's going to see you up there, aren't they? No. How high was it? It was like higher than the door. So no one's going to go, no one's going to look up that there, aren't they? No. How high was it? It was like higher than the door. So no one's going to go,

no one's going to look up that high. No, no, true. And so I was like sort of camping, I suppose you'd call it camping. And, and then I got bored because nobody could find me.

And I jumped off and really, really spread my ankle. Oh, that's awful. Rather badly. And, and the worst thing was at that moment, as I spread my ankle,

I was on the floor, the top of the paint gun popped off. Oh, that's terrible. And the ball just was on the floor the top of the paint gun popped off oh it's terrible the ball just rolled on the floor really pathetically why do you see people in shopping centers trying to sell paintball it's weird isn't it yeah why that it's the last time it's the only time i ever think about going paintballing is when i'm absolutely pissed yeah that'd be a good idea it's the only time you ever sort of think oh oh, something that might be fun. Getting up at like 10 in the morning to go to either a field or an old bunker. I mean, 10 is quite late.

I mean, I get up at 8 every day. Yeah, good for you. I work till 1. Work. Work. And yeah, it's just not something you sort of think about doing. It's not fun. Quasar laser, easy to pick up, easy to put down.

And it's got technology. And it's got technology in it. But I can't fathom the yield rate of someone working as a salesman in a shopping centre. There used to be one in Hammersmith Broadway, which is basically... People going to work. Yeah, it's Hammersmith, right?

It's a lunch... You have people on a lunch break, people going to or from work. One of the busiest train stations, like tube stations in England. The hit rate must be infinitesimal. Infinitesimal. It must be so low that there's no point in them being there. Do you reckon they get paid?

Well, they must get something out of it. It must work. But if it's commission, you ain't getting shit. Well, I don't know. Maybe there's a lot of proper lads who really love paintball. There are sort of competitive men

who love that sort of shit, to be fair. Yeah. There were some really serious people there when I first went there. The commission rate would be like us getting paid per listener to this show. Absolutely fuck all. It's the same sort of people

who are really into selling gym memberships. Cancel one of my gym memberships. I actually got two gyms. One 24-hour, one non-24-hour. And I never went to the 24-hour one because I thought I thought I'd go at like

one o'clock in the morning. I never went. Is that the one on Brewer Street? There's one on Kingley Street. Oh yeah. Fitness First. Canceled it after a year.

How much are you paying for that one? I think I went once. Okay, and how much did you pay for it? It's not important. Not important. That's probably... I don't want to think about how much. That one visit has probably cost you pay for it? It's not important. That's probably... I don't want to think about how much it cost. That one visit has probably cost you £1,200.

If not more. That is unreal. Incredible. How the other half live, eh? I know, right? Two gym memberships. Pete, before we came on air, you said to me, you made a point of saying this to me,

you don't say it that often, you said we've got some really good emails this week, so what we should do is take a quick break and then we'll come back and you can read one of them. All right then. The problem appears to be that we haven't got our photo ID to try and travel to Scotland, which as far as I can remember was in the British Isles.

What can we do? We're utterly hamstrung by these thick-headed people wearing orange suits. The irony being that his accent is actually these thick-headed people wearing orange suits. The irony being that his accent is actually quite thick-headed. Yeah, he sounds like Tim Nice But Dim. It's impenetrable. He reminds me of that Harry Enfield character. By the way, speaking of that, I watched Kevin and Perry Go Large the other day.

Why did you do that? It was just on telly. How have you got so much time? It was just on TV. Are you reading a book or watching a film or watching a documentary. I just, do you not play Hitman 2?

One, one. Do you not play Red Dead Redemption? One finds the time. One makes the time for one's cultural pursuits. I get up at eight

in the morning. I don't do eight in the morning. I'll tell you that. I'm frantically prepping for whatever podcast I'm doing that day at eight in the morning

and looking over spelling mistakes in running orders. Go on, what's going on? What emails particularly caught your fancy? Oh, we've had loads. I mean, I guess it's sort of strictly a men car situation. Oh, is this the one about the feet? It's the one about the German you bought.

Oh, good. But it's a fuck-up, so it's not really a men car. So you shouldn't really respect this person. Okay. Greetings once again from Kenya. Hello to Alessio. Alessio from person. Greetings once again from Kenya. Hello to Alessio. Alessio from Kenya. Alessio from Kenya.

I recently finished reading the excellent book Dead Wake, which Luke had mentioned in an early episode of The Little Picture. It's a fantastic read, isn't it? Yes, it is, says the email. The description in Dead Wake about the conditions aboard the U-boat back then remind me of a story involving another German U-boat, this time from World War II, which ended up being scuttled during its maiden combat deployment

due to the actions of its captain, the rather unfortunately named, given what actually transpired, Karl Adolf Schlitt, who flushed the onboard toilet incorrectly. Schlitt. You should not be able to scupper a submarine. Listen. A U-boat. On a submarine, the toilet situation needs to be foolproof.

There cannot be a wriggle room situation there where, oh, if you press the wrong button, it fires it back out. Yeah, fires the torpedoes. Like what happened at Glastonbury in 1990, I'm going to say 1998. Well, the toilets flood. No, the guy famously in the dance tent pushed blow on the shit sucker. Oh, I remember that, yeah. I was there.

I wasn't in the dance tent, but I was there. Yeah, I was there on that one, yeah. We don't want that on a submarine, do you? No. On a war footing. So you can't even surface. I remember my dad famously had plans for a warship that was like millions of pounds worth.

This was worth millions of pounds. And he left it behind a toilet system on his boat, on his ship. That's not too bad. The Penelope. It's better than leaving it on like a... Like a back of a tower or something. While most Allied submarines used during World War II

employed simple waste management systems that involved sewage being pumped into hauling tanks for later disposal, the Germans preferred to dump their waste overboard as frequently as possible in order to save on weight and space. Clever. This, however, had its dangers. The U-boats had to carry out this operation close to the surface due to low water pressure,

which of course made them vulnerable to discovery and subsequent attack. As the end of the war approached, Right. airlock. The contraption then blasted the waste into the sea with compressed air. A specialist on each submarine received training on proper toilet operating procedures. A different type of torpedo. Definitely. There was a specific order of opening and closing valves to ensure the system flowed in the correct direction. They shouldn't have to deal with this.

On April 14th, 1945, a mere 24 days before the end of the war in Europe, Captain Schlitt and his submarine U-1206 were eight days in their first combat patrol of the war. The U-boat was lurking 200 feet beneath the surface of the North Sea when Captain Schlitt decided he could figure the toilet out himself. Nothing ever good would come from that. I'll figure this out.

Any film or book or TV show you've ever experienced, when someone says something like that, it never goes well. It's the arrogance of the captain, isn't it, really? I'm in charge around here. Unfortunately, he was not properly trained as a toilet specialist. After calling an engineer to help, the engineer turned a wrong valve and accidentally unleashed a torrent of sewage and seawater back into the sub. This had the

effect of flooding the submarine's massive batteries which were rather unwisely situated under the toilet compartment, producing toxic chlorine gas that quickly filled the entire vessel. Captain Schlitt had no choice except to quickly surface by blowing the submarine's ballast tanks and firing off a few torpedoes to improve buoyancy as quick as possible. Blimey.

This inevitably attracted the attention of the British patrol airplanes that promptly attacked the U-boat. With his vessel badly damaged, the captain ordered his crew to destroy secret equipment, scuttle the submarine and abandon ship. One man died in the attack, three men drowned in the heavy seas after abandoning the vessel and 46 were captured, including Captain Schlitt himself. The wreck of

the U-1206, sometimes referred to as the shitwrecked, shitwrecked, shitwrecked, was eventually discovered in 1970. Captain Carl Adolf Schlitt lived until 2009. His place in the history of submarine warfare forever secured.

That's incredible. So it wasn't necessarily his fault. It was the engineer who sort of got involved after the party. Do you know what I would have done in that situation

if I was the captain and that happened? I would have found five minutes somewhere. I know time was at a premium in that situation and I would have set everyone down and said,

right, let's get our story straight. What are we going to say happened here because because I've got a revolver and you guys don't it doesn't befit any of us

admittedly least of all me as the captain yeah the indignity of talking about what's actually happened so let's maybe say that I don't know

we discharged a firearm yeah into that bang there you go done it now well just the battery's flooded there was a fuck up

with the toilet there doesn't need to be any human interaction involved I've shot the engineer he's dead he's floating in a tank somewhere by my sort of

accurate sort of estimate they probably won't find this submarine until about 1970 so don't worry about it yeah that is I mean that is unbelievable

and the thing is when you read the book that alessio references there dead wake that's about first world war submarines and one thing you've quickly sort of realized when you read that book or any book about that era is how primitive the submarines were i mean to the point of where when in in that book i believe from memory they fire a torpedo at one point and that means that a certain amount of the crew have to then move to that part of the ship.

And when they're turning it's incredibly primitive. Do they have to run as fast as a torpedo? No, I don't think so. Or is it like one of those NARCOR submarines? Oh yeah. Do you know the first submarines were used in the American Civil War I believe.

Is that right? A lot of the tactics, certainly at the start in the American Civil War, I believe. Is that right? Yeah, a lot of the tactics, certainly at the start of the First World War, were, I think, aped from the US Civil War, which of course really was only about 50 years before that, and the last big war of that sort of size.

And so, I think a lot of the technologies and a lot of the stuff and a lot of their outlook was based on that. Why did they need torpedoes in a land war? Submarines. Or river. What, in the US of all? Yeah, out the river, out the coast, that kind of stuff.

Yeah, because there's blockades and that kind of thing. Right. Yeah. And Pete, I've got an email on a completely different... Tack. Tack from Freddie, who says the following. Hi, chaps. I briefly brought this up with Pete on Twitter.

All right. Sure enough. Um, but thought I'd also send you an email in order to expand on the subject of Cosmo and dibs. Oh, the puppet. You are looking times at the gas tank.

The puppet duo from former Charles TV series. Uh, you and me. Now, do you want to give people a quick price of what happened on this very show to Cosmo dibs, Cosmo and Dibs? Cosmo and Dibs, two bears from the 80s, kind of kids' TV presenters,

but they were like puppets, weren't they? Yeah, and then you... And I did an impression of one of them sort of sounding a bit like this. Oh, Cosmo, stop flicking times with the gas tank. Yeah. And then we went onto YouTube, didn't we, and checked out You and Me.

And it didn't sound... Neither of them sounded like that in any way. Allow Freddy to take up the story and perhaps even offer an explanation. On one of your recent shows, Pete performed a gravelly voiced impression of the character Cosmo, which you just heard there. Oh, Cosmo. Only for Luke to later play a YouTube clip which seemed to suggest that the puppet in question actually sounded completely different. Unsurprisingly, Pete was distraught

about this revelation and the fact that his memory appeared to be failing him in wholly dramatic fashion. I mean, it is. Anyway. However, having had to sit through countless episodes of Cosmo and Dibs during lessons throughout prep school, I can confirm that Pete is not going mad and that there was at

least a brief period where Cosmo sounded just like his impression and perhaps they may have changed the voice actors i distinctly remember this due to one particular episode on the serious subject of grooming in this episode cosmo and dibs were approached by a suspiciously affable gentleman who proceeded to get very friendly with dibs laughing and joking with him stroking his arm and even placing a bow in his hair while dibs seemed to enjoy the attention and played along cosmo was visibly uncomfortable with the situation and when the

man moved in to try the same tactics on her she immediately erupted with the line don't touch me i don't feel right this reaction scared the man off so much um until sorry this reaction scared the man off much to Dibs' anger until another man entered the scene to explain what had just occurred and reassure Cosmo that she had

acted in exactly the right way as well as reassure Dibs that he had nothing to be ashamed about by being taken in by the strangers' advances.

Round of applause for Cosmo and Dibs there. Takes a bit of a turn here. Needless to say, this episode became infamous in our school,

particularly the line don't touch me, I don't feel right, which for the next few months was repeated on frequent occasions by pupils in the same gravelly voice that Pete used. Pete, do you want to do it? Don't touch me, I don't feel right. She was a journey,

wasn't she? I still see some of my friends from this era, and to this day, even a simple tap on the shoulder can be met with Cosmo's legendary words. Given the grief Luke gave Pete about his impression and how distressed the latter seemed, I thought it important to set the record straight. Freddie. Don't touch me, I don't feel right. That'll be the title.

Find that for a jingle. Don't touch me, I don't feel right. Excellent. That's great stuff. That's exactly the sort of stuff we love on here. Get off us, Vicar. I think, Pete, we've probably got time to squeeze one more in, and it's directly for you. Don't squeeze me, I don't feel right. Don't for you. Don't squeeze me. I don't feel right.

Don't read me. Don't read me. I don't feel right. I'm not written right. I've got an email here for you, so I'm going to read it. It's from Josh, and I've titled it, A Man Has Hit Rock Bottom, and So Is Asking Pete Donaldson for Advice. Yeah.

Hello, guys, says Josh. I have a question for Mr. Donaldson. I've recently become involved in university radio oh and i'm booked in for my first ever interview with the band in december safe to say i'm shitting myself wow so i'm writing to ask for advice on this subject from a consummate professional in the field of radio thanks lads love the podcast um cheers, Josh. So Josh wants to know, Pete, for example, how you could make sure you definitely hit the record button when you're interviewing one of the world's premier film composers.

For example. For example. Well, I mean, what I would say is definitely kind of... It's X-Ray Radio. My name's Pete Donaldson, and I don't even need to introduce this man. It's Richard Ashcroft. That's one of my worst ones, so just watch that.

Would you perhaps... You know that Michael Buffery does the boxing? Yeah. And he's copyrighted... Goodness me. He's copyrighted Let's Get Ready to Rumble. Yeah. Could you do that with Goodness Me and license that to Josh?

It's become somewhat of a chant on the email. Some people will get involved with the Goodness Me chant. So, yeah. Goodness me. Goodness me. Seriously, what advice would you give him? Relax. Relax. what of a chant on the email some people will get involved with the goodness me chant so yeah goodness me goodness me seriously what advice would you give him relax relax

don't worry about it ask open questions you interview people what's your best advice I just look at other people's interviews if they're on an album tour just google

their last interview where they've said what they think the album is about and then just go, this album's about this. And they go, oh, you're right. You're really insightful there. And just copy what they've literally said themselves. What I would do is ask them a well-thought-out question

about their life, given that they're the subject of the interview and have actually done something interesting, and then cut in and talk about my life. Yeah. You've been watching me. That's what I do. No, also known as the Zane Lowe technique.

Zane Lowe went through a period of interviewing bands and saying, oh, what was it like when you first came to England? And them going, oh, well, and he'd cut in and go,

when I first came to England and then just tell a story about him. That's all right. I don't mind that. It's supposed to be a conversation for crying out loud.

Josh, be yourself unless you're a bellend and then don't be yourself. Be someone else. Be literally anyone else. In Pete's case, do not be yourself under any circumstances.

Goodness me! Right, Pete, I think that's about time to go, isn't it? That's probably all for this time around. I think so. Hello at LukeandPete.com

to get in touch. We're pouring through your emails. We're getting through them as quick as we can but we can always do with more. We'll be back next time. Say goodbye, Pete Donaldson. Bye-bye.

That's goodbye from me too. Needed the Radio Stakhanov stab too early there. This was a Radio Staccato production. Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it.

Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Pel tread has workouts you can work in or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs walks and hikes led by expert instructors on the peloton app call yourself a runner peloton all access membership separate learn more at onepeloton.ca running