The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 121: Finders Keepers

Episode Date: December 3, 2018

How much money would you find on the street and keep? Pete found 50p once and it changed his life. For a bit. Listen in to hear more on that particular story (which kept the boy Donny in milk at school for at least a week) on your all-new Luke and Pete Show. We also run the rule over more parental situations, including a our first ever grandparental lie, there's art theft, there's Bob Mortimer, and there's a return for the Weetagang. Get in touch: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Luke and Pete Short How are you? Is that an Outkast song? Feeling good, feeling great. How are you? Don't know, but I am sure... It might be get-all music. Get-all music. That one. I'm fairly sure that you are getting to smashy and nighty levels of encore. Not wrong, Outkast. A lot of fun.

How are you doing, Peter? What's going on? I'm all right. You're wearing a snazzy cardigan, if you don't mind me saying. I bought this in Japan from Uniqlo. I went halfway around the world to go to Uniqlo. Or Uniqlo, as they call it out there. Luke, I was thinking about,

you were talking about parental situations, and I remember being at school. I was talking to somebody last night. They were talking about milk at school. Everyone used to get cartons of milk, and you used to pay your subs, and you used to get like cartons of milk and you used to pay your subs and you used to get

like a carton of milk every morning and there was like a milk monitor and stuff like that. This is how, right, you know,

you sort of take the piss out of me, I'm a lefty, liberal nonsense. This is how poor we were back in the day. I found 50p in the street and I was able to have milk

at school for a whole week. My mum and dad could never afford for me to have milk at school. That's how poor I was. And I went and I said, can I have a week's worth of milk, please? Because I found 50 pence in the street. Right, you stole it. Well, it was on the floor. Should have handed it in.

50p was huge back then. Exactly. It was like it filled my whole palm. How was anyone dropped that but I went in that's called the crater in the asphalt I went in and went

can I have can I have a whole week's worth of milk and I was like and I felt like one of the kids let's extrapolate this I mean it's a terrible story

I'm sorry to hear about your problem you forget how kind of poverty how sort of and it's not extreme poverty, obviously, and it's fine, and I'm fine, and everything's fine.

You know, mum and dad just doing the best they could. You forget how kind of poverty takes you out of a group. You know what I mean? Like kids who don't have the latest trainers, kids who can't afford messy. Yeah, massive. Kids will find a fucking way.

It'll be, now it'll be like. Yeah, but that's the point though, isn't it? Now it'll be like Fortnite skins. It'll be like fucking, I can't afford the latest clothes for my video game character. That's what it'll be now. Yeah, but you said something there

which is almost in a way my point, is that kids will find any way to tease someone else, whether it to do with poverty. Kids are terrible. I remember... They're awful. A friend of mine,

who I won't name for obvious reasons, he's got quite a young brother, and their father passed away, and the kid was being ripped at school for his dad being dead, basically. Kids will go to, not all of them, of course, and of course,

they're too young really to know what they're doing doing but kids will go to any length to tease another kid i mean it's not what i'm saying is it's not just based on poverty right no it isn't but it it gives it uh you forget that will that affect kind of take because because you're in school you think everything's fine because you've got an education you think everything's fine yeah um poverty does kind of ghettoize you somewhat i understand what you mean um classroom i'm not i'm not this isn't a sob story it was just it just reminded me last night um of uh we must have been quite not not that well off back in the day how big would that find have to have been before you thought jesus it's just too much i better hand this in um Definitely into the pounds, I reckon.

Because I found a £20 note as about a 13-year-old. I would think that they were sort of registered with the government or something. Yes. I wouldn't be able to use it. So the thing is, when I found it, I obviously told my mum. I think I might have actually been with my mum at the time. She said, or later on I told her, and she said, what do you want to do with it? And I said, I think we should probably hand it into the police station.

And she was really proud of me. She's really proud of you, but also goes. Well, yeah, possibly. In the back of her head, she's going. She was really proud of me, but basically it's because I was scared. Yeah. Yeah. The power of having that in your hand. But what the police officer did is he took it in, wrote a receipt for me, and said, if

no one claims it in six months, you can have it. And I think I might have gone back and got it but he fucking did brilliant yeah but I don't think it was claimed yeah but six months six months

it was some high roller he didn't even notice it was gone it was me it was basically me just dropping it in the street some Frank Butcher

type character peeling it off his roll what's the biggest what's the biggest piece of what's the biggest cash money that you

would drop without actually picking up? I don't really carry change around with me. 20p. I'd happily drop a 20p. I sort of pick it up because I think,

a couple of reasons. One is, and two, purely because I think, I come from a background, I'm not going to get into a sort of poverty battle with you,

but I come from a... You're not going to fucking win, that's why. Yeah, because I lose and I hate losing. But I come from a work class background, we fucking win that's why yeah because I lose and I hate losing but I come from a world class background we're in a similar

situation and so I do have this I do have a sort of respect for not being frivolous with it I'm sort of conscious I spend

but then again I spend money like fucking water I have respect for money but I don't want it in my account I don't think you have got respect for it

I think I have I think my situation why respect it why. I don't think you have got respect for it. I think I have. I think my situation is... Why respect it? Why respect it, Luke? Why must you respect money? But my situation is that I feel like I remember well what it was like to have no money. Yeah.

And so even though I've got a little bit of money, which I have now, relatively speaking, I don't respect it as much as I could. Well, that's my fear because I feel like, well, I've had no money before, I can have no money again. But that's all wrapped up with a sense of guilt. There are other people out there

who are much more worse off than me. So I always try and give to charitable causes and all that kind of stuff. So it's a bit of a working class or psychological minefield, really. Whereas I think you don't properly feel like you own the money enough and that's why you spend it on ridiculous things

and give it away too much which you do I remember being on a night out once with you and you gave me a hundred euros so I didn't have to walk to the cash point

and the next day you wouldn't take it back I had to force you to take the money back and it's ridiculous it's ridiculous I think money I think asking friends

for money it's just so fucking gauche that's the one thing the only advice my nan ever gave us was like, never lend your friends money. But obviously that's a very different situation if we're on a night out or whatever. But I think she'd clearly been burned before where she couldn't get some money.

My nan was a bit of a... My nan was a not-so-good. Never lend your friends money, because I lent someone money in 1942 and I never got it back. And I'm a C. My nan was a not so C word. Never lend your friends money because I lent someone money in 1942 and I never got it back. And I'm a C. What about now in 2018 the 36 year old

Pete Donaldson. Yeah. I know there are CCTV cameras everywhere and all that other crap but say you're walking across Highbury Fields in a

minute. What's the largest amount of money you would see there and keep? Oh. Just on the floor in a bag.

It would have to be a bundle of cash wouldn't it? Yeah. If it was a be a bundle of cash, wouldn't it? Yeah. If it was a grand, you're handing that in, aren't you? Aren't you?

Yeah. I think I'd probably hand all of it, anything in. Yeah. You wouldn't hand in, I wouldn't bother handing 50 quid

because if it's just blown across a heath, you're just like, well, eh. It's got to be worth the admin of me actually going and handing it in.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, I'm terrible at admin at the best of times. I'd sort of, basically, it would be in my kitchen on the side, and I'd be looking at it for the rest of my life. I'd be going, oh, I need a hand at it. That's two Sunday night Chinese's. That's one.

That's one Chinese, the amount I fucking spend on Chinese. That's a good subject for people to email in. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com. The most amount of money you've found stumbled across and in theory the most amount of money

you would keep or hand in and give reasons give do give reasons I think if I saw this is the thing

it's almost like a set a plot to a movie if you there's James Horncastle speaking about him againcastle speaking about him again we speak about him today or the other day i can't remember yeah where um he's listening to a podcast about an art heist or something at the moment and we're just talking about you know art

art dealing that kind of crap and and um the thing i said to james which i believe to be true and people can pick me up on it if it's not is that you know when you see like Edward Munch's The Scream that's been stolen like four times and it gets returned and I

think there might be a couple different versions of it and they get stolen and it's quite natural to instantly think well hang on a

minute what's the point of stealing that you're never going to be able to sell it the moment you try and sell it people are going to go well

you fucking stole that to give it back by the way there's ten years in jail but apparently the main reason that they're stolen is to do trade-offs between

rival criminal gangs. So they say, for example, I don't know if it's like a territory thing or a drugs thing or a particular apology thing, but they say, here you go. Here's this.

We've stolen this for you. Right. Do you know what I mean? They're used as like bargaining chips and stuff. To smooth over. Yeah. But why? If they have no inherent value, why are they used like bargaining chips and stuff. To smooth over. Yeah. But why?

If they have no inherent value, why are they used like bargaining chips? I guess they just want them, don't they? Really fancy bargaining chips. I guess they just want them. Yeah. Have you ever been to the Monk exhibition in Oslo? No, I haven't.

But just to finish that point, otherwise it will sound like a big non sequitur. The point being that relevance to what we're talking about is when it gets to a large amount of money, I mean, going to be noticed and then and then and if it's a huge amount of money the bank notes are going to be numbered and that kind of stuff so you actually got no use for it anyway carry on oslo i've been to oslo but i've not been to that museum we've both been to oslo we did oh we have we're together yeah you've got even some pickled herrings live on stage i did yeah they were nice but they did make me stink of fish for the rest of the day

business as usual. Yeah, that was a good show, that. We should do that again. Yes, I can't remember. Yeah, a lot of the Monk drawings are really kind of like erotic drawings. Right. I think it's Monk or maybe Picasso. Either way, they were wanking when they were doing them.

Easily wanking when they were doing them. You saw that about a lot of art, didn't you? No, but just really graphic drawings of vaginas and getting licked by a fish, notably. It's either Picasso or Munch both drew a fish licking a woman's vagina. And they're just really needlessly detailed and erotic. Why is it needless, though? It was just really, it was just a bit much.

Honestly, if you'd seen it, you would have went, this is too much. A whole gallery of fish licking vaginas, etc., etc. And it was just clear that, you know, before telly, everyone's having a Tommy Tank while painting. I think you're supposed to call that a muse. I remember writing some erotic fiction when I was a teenager, just to create your own pornography.

And then you read it back and go, that's good, isn't it? There might be a popular podcast about it. Although I believe your story there is actually true. Yeah, good. All right, well, what should we do now, Pete? Should we go and do a break and then come back and do some emails? Yeah, all right. Let's do that.

What have I got here? I've got so much weird stuff in this bloody nonsense. Let's click. I've removed so much stuff. It's going to be this one. You're an embarrassment. She's going to report me for saying bugger, you know. Oh, just wait till I see your mother.

You're in real trouble. Oh, I say, wait till I go and see her. Then tell her this bugger-shaped fuck-shaped fucking sphincter. Tell her yourself, you see her every day. Massive Brian Blessed. He is massive. If you were Brian Blessed and you had such a big voice, you would have had a massive voice and you would have been tall and big

even when you were like 18. You must have thought, no one can tell me what to do because I'm Brian walking blessed if you were as talented as him would you what would you do for your

your professional time would you do voiceovers would you do theatre acting wrestling this is the problem see it's wasted on you isn't it

it's wasted on you talent is wasted on me youth is wasted on the young talent is wasted on the Donaldson on the Donner I think because you know there's a really there's on the Donaldson on the Donny I think because you know there's a really

there's quite a funny bit in Extras good show I think underrated first season definitely where he says get me a theatre

get me a theatre part I can do theatre then everyone because all the actors say oh yeah that's their first love and they lie about it to get more reputation

do theatre so I'll definitely do a bit of that but when you want to be an actor you want to do voiceover, you've done that already. But you think it would probably be, yeah, I think I'd get a lot out of acting,

but whenever I've tried it, I've just embarrassed myself. It's actually quite hard. It's actually really hard. And the actors, and some really good actors you sort of meet in certain interviews, they're actually quite,

the best actors are invariably quite dull. There's very few charismatic, genuinely charismatic actors. They're all very polished and they're all very Hollywood and stuff. You must have interviewed a couple where you thought, oh, they're fun.

Yeah, yeah. But they tend to be the film stars rather than the actors. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Chris Pratt, you know, you know what you're going to get with him. But like Jennifer Lawrence and people like that,

you sort of go, oh, well, fair dues. But then the best actors are invariably rather dull. Yeah, I think that probably comes from the idea of spending all your time pretending to be other people. But I think the difference between, this is a broad definition, but the difference between a film star and an actor

is I think that film stars probably, like Chris Pratt, Will Will Smith those type of people they're probably being extended or exaggerated versions of themselves yeah whereas an actor like someone like

Daniel Day-Lewis he's completely inhabiting another human being it's a completely different thing and you can see why he would be

a bit more reclusive a bit more insular a bit more introverted that definitely makes sense to me yeah Clive Owen didn't really get on

with it he had nothing but he's a good actor yeah is he a good actor That definitely makes sense to me. Yeah. Clive Owen. Didn't really get on with it. He had nothing. But he's a good actor. Yeah. Is he a good actor? Yeah, he's good. Yeah, he's decent.

He's up there. Shoot him up. He was in the film Shoot Him Up. I've never watched. I haven't. I can't believe that's a film. It was like a kind of bullet hell, kind of Max Payne, kind of slow motion film in the late noughties, I believe, early teens. I remember it.

I just can't remember that it was commissioned to be called that. Shoot him up. It's one of those things that when I hear from people who are closer to that world than me, which is basically everyone, oh, you know how hard it is to get a film commissioned. Well, there's one called shoot him up it can't be that fucking hard

by the way about 5,000 of them are made every year so it's probably that your film isn't good enough well you say that but if you

I was listening to an interview with Bob Mortimer it was the Adam Buxton podcast and he was how many other podcasts do you

listen to how many other men do you see it's outrageous Peter and well just I think when you see? It's outrageous, Peter. I think when you see, when there's an opportunity to hear an hour of Bob Mortimer talking,

you kind of have to. Take it, yeah. He's a national treasure. Actually, very camp in when he's just talking about himself. I didn't realise he was that guy. He's got a very sort of, sort of,

actually quite sort of ladylike voice. Very soft and there's very no rough edges there did you watch that show you did with Paul Whitehouse I've still not seen it Mark who does Wrestle Me

is of course writing the book for it in the future I saw one episode it was excellent really gentle fun stuff with people who are

genuinely funny and interesting not like us well no it's not just that Pete I mean maybe people would fucking put us

in that category I don't know I hope not but if they do it's up to them but to me and i'm actually saying maybe you sound like a grumpy old man and we will do some emails in a minute i promise is that the people who go on these panel shows and are comedians in quotes and essentially look like they've come in a weird way you know what it reminds me of like those career politicians they've come out fully formed about 35 they're really well um turned politicians i mean really well turned out they've done jobs

research in some cabinet office worked their way through and now they're an mp it feels to me like the comedians young comedians now it's like they come through they do a few bits of stand-up they do student unions and they do panel shows and To me, they've got nothing to say. Compare that with Paul Whitehouse and Bob Mortimer, who are obviously longer in a tooth, older. To me, it feels like night and day, yet they're both technically doing the same thing. It's a generational thing, isn't it?

You probably don't consume as much stand-up as you used to. Also, there's just a lot of it on the television. There's a lot more opportunities for stand ups to get on the television to get a little bit of steam and you know sucking up my corporate work I tell you what who can't deliver a fucking joke yeah

but the problem is these guys kind of explode and they get on the television and they don't have time to write enough material like you you explode you get on these panel shows and then you don't have enough time to write enough material. You explode, you get on these panel shows and then you don't have enough time to actually write your next bit of material because you're just constantly on the cycle of

being a TV presenter effectively and delivering other people's jokes for cash and it's difficult, man. I don't know how you find the time to write your own stuff and keep your head a little bit. I'll spare the fucking world's tiniest violin. Get a proper job.

Yeah? Get a proper job. What's your job? I've worked. I've worked. Safeways? Yeah, exactly. Bread boy.

Safeways. That's the last time you had a proper job. I was also a milk boy for a bit. Give me some milk, mate. I'll give you 50 pence. I did check out. I'll give you 50 pence. Best one was car park booth.

Sit out there, check people's receipts, listen to the radio. Jeez. That's all you do allence. I did check out. I'll give you 50 pence. Best one was car park booth. Sit out there, check people's receipts, listen to the radio. Jeez. That's all you do all day. Jesus. Yeah. Can you imagine,

can you imagine Pete, what a loss it would be to the universe for a mind like mine to be doing that. To be trolley boy. Trolley boy? I was trolley boy

for a bit as well. There we go. Yeah. There you go. Need big wide shoulders for that. Graham sent us an email. Hi chaps.

I have to finally call up for your excellent show. Thanks, Graham. Just thought I would air my memories about the Weetabix skinheads, the Weetagang. Oh, yeah. What are they called? The Weetagang. We didn't get to the bottom of that, did we?

Yeah, the Weetagang. My brother once had a bag depicting the gang. He attached it to a photo. It's just a shit sports bag with the Weetagang on it. I actually remember those. I think you saved up the tokens on the back of the cereal box. Yeah. And you sent them away, and you got a bag. I think you saved up the tokens on the back of the cereal box. Yeah. And you sent them away and you got a bag.

I think you could get like an alarm clock and maybe a pencil case as well. Do you remember when you used to open a bank account as a child? You'd get like free gifts. You'd get like a NatWest pig. You'd get a NatWest pig. They're really valuable now, by the way. Are they? Yeah, if you've got the full set of those NatWest piggy banks, I think you are in clover.

That was like rich people's houses. I've never had that way. It was dependent on how much you actually saved. That was Yorkshire Bank. I think I got in Clover. That was like rich people's houses. I've never had that one. It was dependent on how much you actually saved. That was Yorkshire Bank. I think I got a little wallet. I think it was nationwide. Terrible. Anyway, in the Weetagang bag,

my brother once smuggled our pet cat to school in it. Lord knows how the teachers didn't find out. And to this day, he insists the cat was in there all day. And if my memory serves me right, there was also a video game involving the said Weetagang ridding alien attackers from Earth

a straight up Space Invaders rip off back in the day really underwhelming British characters would get their own video games because the Spectrum

and the Commodore were relatively easy to program for Daley Thompson well even Daley Thompson was still quite a big figure oh he's massive, yeah.

Peter Beardsley's soccer and stuff like that. Beard-o? You don't have a problem with Beard-o. He was a massive player. Yeah, I know he was a massive player, but still, it wasn't a product that would go to Japan or America. No, but I remember the big... So, my friend Jerry Ellis, who I've talked about on here,

he writes books about 80s and 90s video games. Great guy. Just a great British eccentric. He was an usher at his wedding. He worked at Capital for a bit. He wrote a book recently, which I might have plugged at the time, called The Book of the Game of the Film. Yeah, he did, yeah.

About conversions into games. And I learned so much reading that book. There was an Alf Wieders M. Pet fucking video game. Yeah, there was a short lived project of Ed Edmerson's called How To Be A Complete Bastard yeah one of my favourite games

on the Amstrad it was like what did you do it was a house party and you would go around being a shit and farting right

and so you would just go around sort of drinking beer how old were you when you played this it was isometric I was no it wasn't isometric it was just

it had like a there was two screens. And that sort of thing was big at the time. Spy versus spy sort of thing. Two screens, top one, bottom one. And it just gave you two different views of the same situation. I remember spy versus spy, yeah. It was very confusing because you had to kind of figure out

which way you were going. And once you got on the headspace, you were fine. But you just would go around finding pens in drawers at a house party and then just stabbing people with them and stuff and just being like absolute shit

eat like put the cat in the fridge and then eat the cat yeah just yeah like cat bin lady and just being a real shit I can't even remember the Ed Edmondson

kind of how to be a complete bastard project I don't even know what it was to be honest but I certainly played the video game a lot

well worth if there's one game you sort of dig out from the past forget your like Spectrum school days kind of How to Be a Complete Bastard project. I don't even know what it was, to be honest, but I certainly played the video game a lot. Well worth, if there's one game you sort of dig out from the past, forget your, like, Spectrum school days and Exelon and all those weird kind of games. Championship Manager? Championship Manager, that shit. Play How to Be a Complete Bastard because it probably stands up. It probably stands up.

My two favourites as a kid, I didn't have a Spectrum. I had an Acorn Electrum. Oh, school boy. And then I had a BBC Micro. I like school so much. I want the school experience. Well, do you know why?

Because my uncle was a teacher and he used to get them cheap. Freebies, yeah. Yeah, or free, yeah. I probably was free. And my two big games were Exile and Elite. Yeah, Elite was a big BBC Micro programme. Exile was this mad game.

I was completely obsessed with it, about this guy who was on this planet and he was an astronaut or whatever and he went to a different planet and the bad guy stole his engine

for his ship and he had to go and find it. But the game at the time, in the 80s, it felt massive. It was absolutely

ridiculous. Brilliant. It's quite hard to find conversions of the big titles off the BBC. It rarely happened in the same way

that they never converted them for the MSX, which is a Japanese version of... Can I ask a stupid question? Right. Was the BBC made by the BBC? No, I don't understand what they licensed. I think they maybe licensed the name, maybe?

Right. It seems strange that they would allow them just to be called a BBC or Big Beautiful Computer, as they were known. Big Booby Computer. Big booby computer. Big booby computer. Yeah. I told you about the BBC micros at school. We had a rudimentary Ethernet sort of system,

or local intranet system. Exciting, that. Very exciting. That was just school-based, and if you pressed F8 on any computer in the school, Bob Hoskins would appear. I've talked about this before. A digitized picture of Bob Hoskins and Roger Rabbit. And when he died, I was thinking

that was such a big part of my... I was fascinated by this digitised picture of Bob Hoskins. Was Bob Hoskins dead? Oh. He passed away, did he? I had something else. Yeah, he passed away like two years ago, didn't he? I had a different story. The different story. I've just talked to Bob Moncastle for some reason.

Because of that, he's definitely dead yeah he died a couple of years ago it's quite sad really yeah I'm sure you're right and what were you saying

oh yeah did you ever play Granny's Garden Granny's Garden yeah that was a big Granny's Garden Yellow Brick Road

Tea Shop all that stuff I'd love to hear from anyone hello at lukeandpeach.com who completed the BBC game

Exile because I know for a fact I know for a fact because I read it up in this book my mate wrote that if

you completed it it was so hard to complete and so few people did it that you got like a picture of Bruce Springsteen

you got a picture of Bob Hoskins Exile on Main Street is rolling stones are you still doing the absolute gigs I don't really care you got a handwritten

signed certificate from the developers posted to you no I'm not having that I'm telling you it happened that's nonsense that is apocryphal

that fucking happened I'm telling you nonsense everything that happened in the 80s is true so do get in touch if you played it when you were a kid.

Did we finish that last email? Or did we get sidetracked? Yeah, we did. Yeah, we did. Thank you, Graham, for the little touch of the Wheater gang. What about this from Mark? It's a monkey-related email, Pete. I'm having it.

It's in straight in with a bullet. Might tickle your fancy. Mark says, on one of your recent episodes, Pete told a story of some monkeys being dicks. Could be anything. Could be anything could be anything this prompted some deeply repressed memories of my own

concerning monkeys to come to the surface well that's exactly what this show's all about we want you to listen to it and go oh yeah oh yeah I remember that

well we get sent a lot of videos of like because I sort of said that chimps and monkeys get a bad cop a bad reputation for throwing shit, and they don't do it quite a lot on masturbating.

So we get sent a lot of videos of it happening. There's one famous one where... Is that me? There's one famous one where a chimp's jumping around and then he throws in one fell swoop, an amazing little one move. He's doing his shit and he pulls it out of his arse and throws it in one fell swoop, like an amazing little kind of like one move. The guy, he's doing his shit, and he pulls it out of his arse

and throws it in one motion. And it hits a granny on the nose, and it makes like a witch's nose of chimp shit. And she turns around, and she is confused and horrified. And instead of going, oh my God, that's dreadful, everyone's going,

oh, it hit granny in the face. Granny on the nose. When we do it oh, it hit granny in the face. Granny in the nose. When we do it, we get kicked out of the library. I read in the newspaper just this morning, actually, about a monkey that went extinct in 1920 on an island that they now think over the years evolved into basically to be more like a sloth than a monkey. What, in like 100 years?

No, no, no. It was extinct 100 years ago. They're studying its skeletons from thousands of years. to basically to be more like a sloth than a monkey. What, in like a hundred years? No, no, no, no, no. It was extinct a hundred years ago. They're studying its skeletons from thousands of years. Right. And they think it might need to be reclassified as a sloth. Ah. Because it evolved completely independently because it was on an island.

Like the Hlimur. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, anyway. So back to Mark. He says, in my younger days, I lived in Bangkok for several years and on two separate occasions,

I had encounters with the monkey mafia firstly while on a school trip to a local zoo to see the wildlife a monkey swung down off his branch and nicked my cap oh um cheeky bastard then got to the top of the tree and simply chuckled it uh simply chucked it away never to be seen again to be fair later in the day another monkey perhaps the same one then proceeded to urinate on my friend which somewhat made up for its earlier indiscretions

I love the thing about that that sort of thing is that monkeys do seem to do that stuff just to take the piss but there's no point to it they don't do anything

with that baseball cap it just wants it I think we talked about what's the biggest amount of money you would give away or you know

report or whatever what is I don't think there's anything upwards of a macbook pro that i've got that's probably my most valuable possession um or a nice suit there's nothing a monkey couldn't take from me that i wouldn't if a monkey in a funny situation took my bed away i'd find that fucking hilarious i bet i could think of something you wouldn't like. What? Your innocence. My cherry. That's too late for that.

Mark goes on to say, secondly, while visiting a waterfall deep in the Thai jungle with my parents, I got a bit peckish and decided to buy a large bag of Lay's barbecue crisps. Nice. Decent purchase. Having acquired these,

I proceeded to walk around the waterfall and snack on them, but I didn't make it more than 50 metres from the vendor Nice. Decent purchase. Love the show. Keep up the good work. Mark, from me and they all ran off into the tree and laughed and taunt me while eating the crisps, leaving a traumatised child to return to his family in tears. Love the show, keep up the good work. He says, my name's Mark, I'm a German living in New York, writing on something that Pete would describe as a rig and Luke would describe as a piece of crap. Nice. That reminds me of that scene in Pilkington

when he goes overseas and tries to give the monkeys a monster munch and they just completely nick his back. And they're in his pockets and everything. He's gutted. That's what they're like. I told you, a macaque stole a banana out of my back pocket when I was in Malaysia. I was like, how could I have known that they liked bananas?

Were you angry about that? No, I had a banana in my back pocket. I didn't even used to eat fruit back then. I don't even know what I was doing with it. They were going, you don't usually eat these, Pete. We're the monkeys. We'll have this. It's like walking into a room.

We'll square this away. It's like walking into a room with you with a piece of fairly new technology in my back pocket. It's going to go. It's going to be whipped and probably taken apart and assessed. And put Bob Hoskin on the screen. Jack has got in touch. Hello to the Pete. I'm currently living in Thailand.

Not a sex pest, an English teacher. You can be both, Jack. They're not mutually exclusive, are they? And I've also noticed the ridiculous amount of plastic wrap on everything. Not only do the bananas have their own plastic sleeve, possibly to protect from monkeys, you never know. Apples are all wrapped in plastic netting.

Plastic cups are wrapped in a little handle-type bag and no matter what you purchase from a store, a plastic bag will accompany said item. When insisting I don't need a bag as I've brought my own, the store clerk looks at me as if I've murdered someone in their store. Also, I've tried that coffee coke thing while hungover. There's a product in the Far East and presumably South Asia as well

that's Coca-Cola with coffee mixed in as well. Did you tell me about that last week? I think I told you a little while ago. Thinking a coffee and a coke would be a good fix on a hangover, so both in one would be perfect. It's fucking shite. It should be banned. There's many more stories from Thailand to share.

So if you want more, do let me know. Please do that, Jack. Please get in touch. Do that. The products. The things you put to your lips in Thailand. I want to hear from it. Yeah, that sounds good.

Hello at thecompetitor.com. I mean, one of the worst email subjects I've put out there is people with the longest commute. Yeah. And a guy who did email in, I'll name him to give him a shout out, called Sam, telling us in great

detail over a course of about five paragraphs about his three hour commute. I'll be honest, it's my fault. I printed that out. I was going to read it.

It was pretty well written, I seem to recall. But it's boring. It is very boring. Yeah. So shout out to you, Sam.

You're a master student currently studying organised crime, terrorism and security. That's quite interesting. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, three hour commute round each way. Well, he was sort of saying that he doesn't drive for various reasons and he's on my side, basically.

That's probably why I printed it out. That's all you've got to say. Being a bonnet. Well, hi guys. I thought I'd email in. A while ago, Pete said something I agreed with. Exactly. And then get onto your email Bang on

It'll definitely get in Bang on Right let's get out of here Let's get out of here We've got things to do You've got things to do No doubt Enjoy

If you're on your way to work Enjoy your day at work If you're on your way home Enjoy your absence of work Evening in front of the computer Evening in front of the computer In front of your rig And if you're just

Unemployed You're having to listen to us In your garden Or if you're on the way you're having to listen to us in your garden or if you're on the way to pick up maybe a new batch of thermal paste yeah get out of here

bye showthefuckbromble.com is an email address for a different show fuck off This was a Radio Stakhanov production. This was a Radio Stakhanov production. Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks,

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