The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 124: Don't eat the yellow snow

Episode Date: December 13, 2018

Pete has learnt that pollution is so bad in China that it's apparently turning the snow yellow. Meanwhile, Luke is lucky to be here after running a road race in temperatures as low as -22C. What a cold start to this week's episode!And, with the help of you lovely listeners, our two eponymous anti-heroes also talk about school talent shows, internet criticism, and bogeys. Yes, bogeys. Deal with it.To tell us your best weather stories, or anything else for that matter: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

oh yeah luke pittshaw episode let me guess one two four another dose another dose we're like antibiotics to be prescribed twice a week don't overdo it don't fucking overdo it do you reckon some people

would just download all of them and just listen to one of them a big bang I can't imagine it no I'd be bored

to tears I would say for one thing we're not up to date so as in it's got a lot

of re-listen value well not re-listen you can listen to three or four at the same time in one session it's got a lot of re-listen value it's got a re-listen value well not re-listen I mean you can listen to three or four at the same time in one session it's got a timeless quality about it is that what you'd say

yeah like dust like a fine wine do you see that snow in China I don't know which part maybe the northwest it was snowing and because of all the

dirt in the air it came down as yella yella snow don't eat the yella snow yeah I didn't see that but but I'm not surprised. They said, you know, like the wildfires in Malibu a little while ago,

the air quality in San Francisco as a result was dreadful. And you had to wear masks. Uber drivers were giving away masks. Where was this? Oh, in California because of the fires. Yeah. So in Beijing their air quality

was four or five times worse than the air quality in San Francisco in California where everyone was wearing face masks right

like last week Beijing yeah but a lot of cities in China have the worst pollution in the world I'm surprised well there are parts of London that don't reach EU levels

for safe air so I mean it's not a fire to be seen it's a bit of an epidemic. Speaking of snow and cold weather, when I was in the US... It looked bloody chilly out there. Oh, my goodness. Wow.

So, the traditional thing, I think it's in several towns around the United States, but particularly in Connecticut and Vermont, where I was, Thanksgiving, Thursday, there's like a local sort of road race. And it can be called like a local sort of road race. And it can be called like a turkey trot or whatever. Turkey trot. Yeah, because the winner usually gets a turkey, right? That's the traditional thing.

Nice. And the one in... Cook it, Patrick Severer. We do one in Arlington, Vermont. It's called the Running of the Turkeys. And last year, there was about 350, 400 people there. Could you possibly change that to the Running of the Tofurkeys? Yes. Tofurkeys. We will, we will, yeah. The Running of the running of the Tofurkies? Yes, we will.

The running of a tofu. But the problem with this time around is that it was forecast to be minus 16 with a wind chill factor of minus 25 or something. I was like, Romania was like minus 15. I'm a northerner. I walk

around with my shirt off and stuff. Look how like, I couldn't, I'm a northerner. You know, I walk around with my shirt off and stuff going, oh, look how fucking hard I am. But my word. He's not. But that's the thing. And I arrogantly thought,

oh, you know what? Don't worry about it. It'll just be cancelled. So it'd be fine. Got to the morning of the race. I thought my American family was winding me up.

Oh yeah, it's going to be cold. And I thought, well, they're not going to do it, are they? It's going to be cancelled. It wasn't cancelled.

I had to borrow my wife's uncle's going to be cancelled it wasn't cancelled I had to borrow my wife's uncle's ski pants and run it and honestly I'm not exaggerating for about after about 15

to 20 seconds of just being in motion I couldn't feel my face yeah it was like the weekend I can feel my face

when I'm with you but I love it yeah it was awful awful awful, awful. Surely when it's that cold, you can't get the air in. It's too cold. Yeah, it's impossible. Your alveoli or alveola score.

Pete, don't be a dick. Yeah. My brother-in-law, Evan, won it. He won the whole thing. Did he? He won it. Wow. Yeah, he didn't get a turkey, though.

He got an apple pie this year. He won it. It's the second time he's won it. Did he know at the start line that turkey though. He got an apple pie this year. He won it. It's the second time he's won it. Did he know at the start line that he was going to get an apple pie? I think he did it for the honour, not the glory. But he's got a big ginger beard.

He's got a big Tormund Giant Spain beard. Yeah. And he's an oyster fisherman. That's his job. Nice. He's tough. He's hardy, yeah. He's an oyster fisherman at Cape Cod.

And when he, apparently when he finished the race, obviously I got back about 10 minutes after him, so I didn't see this. His beer was all frozen. It was all crusted. It looked like an Explorer. Could you snap it off?

I wouldn't have eaten it, but it would have been good to snap it off. On a cracker. But listen, it was bloody cold, mate. It was bloody cold. Cape Cod is lovely. I've not been to Cape Cod.

I'd love to be, I'd love to be up there for reasons. False advertising if you're getting oysters out there though, isn't it? What's in there? Cape oysters. There was a picture of you posted on your good lady wife's Instagram that I couldn't stop looking at because it made me laugh so much because it doesn't look anything like

you. Do you know the picture I'm thinking of? Have I got straight hair? No, you just got quite... You look like somebody from the 80s who's on local television oh yeah it's a really bad picture we had a joke about that yeah i said to me we don't post it i can't believe it's the only post i've got it's the only post i've got of all of us you got no eyebrows no beard hair yeah and your hair's gone all big yeah i look weird yeah i do look

weird yeah i mean you have the benefit of this is you've screenshot it and you've got it just Yeah. And your hair's gone all big. Yeah, I look weird. Yeah, I do look weird. I can't stop looking at it. Yeah. I mean, for the benefit of the listeners, you've screenshot it and you've got it just a picture of me. It's actually a picture of like 16 people. Yeah, you're right in the background. The JPEG artifacting isn't helping you anywhere, but it just made me laugh so much. It is funny.

We had a chuckle about it ourselves. I don't photo very well, really, so. No, you photo fine. That was just a particularly, I don't either, but that was a particularly poor one. The amount of people who said to me, oh, you're much more handsome in the flesh.

Flesh being the operative word. Yeah, so I'm pleased I'm still entertaining even while I'm away. Even when we're apart, Pete. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I like when absolute decades on the internet go, right, oh, I'm punching. How did you get that woman?

It happens to the best of us, but it just denies me. It doesn't happen to any man who's got an attractive girlfriend or wife. Lemmy makes the point that he sort of said, imagine if you went to a wedding and went, oh, yeah, I'll put you in a bit of your way, to the bride.

Imagine if he did that. Imagine what a faux pas that would be and how you'd be ostracized. It's a disgusting bit of work. Never mind. But you know. Happens to all of us, mate. Don't objectify women.

That's all I'm saying. Does it happen to you, Pete? Yes. Don't objectify anyone. Don't objectify anyone. Don't objectify animals. You just objectified me there. Yeah, I did.

You screenshot a picture of my face, held up in front of me and laughed. I was waiting to put that in the group chat, but you haven't been particularly cuntish lately. That's unlike me. Yeah, because you've been away. I'm disappointed to hear that in the group chat, but you haven't been particularly cuntish lately. That's unlike me. Because you've been away.

I'm disappointed to hear that. You're jet lagged. I need to get in there. I've caught you sleeping. I've got, where's my, I think I left my phone outside the studio, but I've got a peak folder on my phone, which has got 150 photos and videos of you.

How many? In various strokes of undress. Yeah, how many times have you got, how many pictures of my penis have you got in your phone? Enough. Probably about five or six. And one video. have you got how many pictures of my penis have you got in your phone enough probably probably about five or six and one video

I feel like one of those guys who killed that man who wanted to teach him about Jesus yeah I feel objectified

can I just say the reference to the video I don't want people listening to think that we're just these types of like zoo magazine

hashtag lads because I don't think we are that but I think're just these types of like zoo magazine hashtag lads because I don't think we are that but I think the reality is we've spent so much time together over the last 12 years or so

a penis will be seen yeah a penis will be seen and as you famously said and the reason I've got I won't go into detail because it wouldn't be fair to you or to anyone involved but the reason I've got

a video video of you which features your penis I'll just leave it at this it is one of the best practical jokes I have ever seen anyone do

it involves a curtain and a prudish man yes it does Marcus Speller yeah and it's much better than the time when I left to go

and pick up a package and come back and you were completely naked oh yeah it's much better than that I think I had not much sleep that day no

it always happens I haven't had much sleep this day yeah so yeah I was in the US. I ran in minus 16. I had a lovely Thanksgiving, though.

It's great to get some food down you. And, yeah, it's a nice part of the world to be in, Vermont, particularly that part. It's not grinding gears after a while. It's just been so cold. So darn cold. But, yeah, yes, it does. And I guess your wife doesn't get to visit very often.

No. And, like, when she goes back, she's got to deal with just the reality of having to get around town when it's that. Yeah, but the thing is, they're much better geared up for it there. They're adept. They have better clothes.

I've actually got some decent clothes for that with her now. Ski pants. They also do things where their car, their car's there, will be in the garage and you can start the car before you get in it so it warms up right the cars have got like heated seats you know the the um the the establishments there and the homes know how to heat their houses properly yeah so like it's not like in the in london which is absolutely baffling where as soon as it hits like october

they put the heating on on the trains even though it can be like 20 degrees still and then in the summer they don't put the air conditioning on until it's July even though June can be like 30 degrees there's no mucking about it's done properly well we've got such

kind of like weather that's just a bit people halfway around the world are going what are you whinging about I know it's rainy and I know it can be kind of grey sometimes

but it never really gets that cold and never really gets that hot but on a warm day on a Routemaster bus it's awful remember when they introduced those

new Routemasters the Boris dream the fucking wank fantasy of introducing buses that should have died out 30 years ago

remember his water cannon yeah sell them for parts that's a Donnie move that is buying something really stupidly expensive I think he bought two as well,

like you would have. He bought two, yeah, during the London riots and then found out it was, like, we couldn't legally use them. Brilliant. You couldn't legally use them,

but you also couldn't use them in the type of city that London is because the streets aren't really, generally speaking, aren't wide enough. Jesus. So they wouldn't have been

effective anywhere because people would just run around the corner. I mean, and they cost about five million. Fantastic. Yeah, carry on. Fantastic.

What was I talking about? You were talking about bendy buses. No, route master buses. It's just really hot. They didn't work out the air conditioning needs at the top. So in even April, it's way too hot to be on the bus. Right. And there's also a thing that gets trotted out

every summer in London. And people who aren't in London may not know this, but this gets trotted out by the Metro or the Even Standard every year, where it gets to the point on the tube where it's illegal to transport cattle in those conditions because it's too hot, yet people just get on the tube twice a day, every day, throughout the entire summer. I remember TFL a few years ago sort of went, listen, if you've got any ideas about how to air condition the tube,

we'd like to hear them. And it's like, we shouldn't have to fucking do this. No, it's not our job. How much is a season ticket? Yeah. I got an email the other day from Lambeth Council, who I have to say, by and large, are very good, and I'm a fan of theirs. And they emailed saying, literally saying,

we've got to make £43 million worth of savings over the next three years. Would you like to fill in our survey about how we should do it? No, I wouldn't actually. I'll give you the money. The only people that are going to fill up

those surveys are going to get rid of the forums. That's the only thing people are going to write because they're the only twats who actually fill those things in. That is what I'll put.

Get rid of my wife. Start with the wife. But yeah, so it's absolutely ridiculous but I was just going to say that it is bad

how how bad we are at dealing with weather in the UK but I think it's because we don't really get much of it and occasionally it does happen

it's like the whole snow thing isn't it they say oh you know how can the snow affect us so badly and why aren't the roads ploughed and salted

well the reality is councils aren't going to spend millions of pounds on ploughs and salt because it happens once every 15 years. It's a waste of money. There's no point doing it, so that's why it happens. Is it Mike Cernovich, the fascist? Is it Mike Cernovich? It rings a bell, yeah. I think he went on.

He was talking about the rising sea levels and stuff. I think it was Mike Cernovich. He basically went on some kind of thing and said that he doesn't really care about the rising sea levels because people will just sell their homes. I don't think it was actually Mike Cernovich. I think that's incorrect. Actually, I've written Mule Cernovich, which doesn't really help. It doesn't make any sense.

Mike Cernovich has on multiple occasions falsely accused various journalists and anti-Donald Trump figures of being pedophiles. Nice. There we go. Some organisations

identify him as a male supremacist. Sounds like a lovely chat. Yeah, supremacist. It wasn't Mike Cernovich but he's a Peter Gator weirdo.

Yeah, so I'm sure they're all very strange. Stop besmirching the good name of Peter Mike Cernovich. Yeah, absolutely I'm sure they're all very strange. Stop besmirching the good name of Peter Mike Sanovich. Yeah, absolutely right. I've got an email that I am desperate to do.

So why don't you take us to a break and come back and I'm going to tease it. I'm going to tease it. Three-year-old boy tries to commit a murder.

What? Yeah, you heard it. That's not ideal, is it? Hey y'all, it's Farmer Meemaw. And today, I'm going to show you what I've been doing to take care of the pantry moth situation. I wonder if those moths ever came back.

I keep finding them in my sock drawer. They've moved onto my sock drawer. It's a weird thing. I don't think I've ever had a problem with moths, ever. Isn't that weird? A moth's just not like the scent. Maybe you don't. Maybe you're Musk.

You're Elon Musk. You don't really You wear a lot of woolen clothes though On the other hand I've got 45 pet spiders I've never noticed it

I've never had a problem Little shit Yeah Absolute shit Don't you get them in your wallet as well Right email Three year old boy

tries to commit murder I'm going to name him Shame Michael Williams He says Someone's ringing me from America Did they hear us talking Do not answer it Right, email. Three-year-old boy tries to commit murder. I'm going to name him shame. Muda. Michael Williams. He says, Ahoy, hoy, chaps. Someone's ringing me from America.

Did they hear us talking? Do not answer it. Oh my God, it's the FBI. Do not answer it. Yeah, ahoy, hoy, chaps. Long-time emailer, first-time listener. See what you've done there, Michael.

I would like to tell you about a near-death experience following your discussion in episode 118. We talked a bit about near-death experiences, Pete, if you probably won't remember. He says, this is a tale with a twist, though.death experiences, Pete, if you probably won't remember. He says, this is a tale with a twist, though.

You see, it wasn't me who had the experience. It was another person, and I put them in this situation. Now, before you go calling the popo, that means police, I'd like to point out that I was only three years old.

My family had taken me on a camping trip to the Yorkshire Dales. Been there, beautiful part of the world. I can't remember, I'll tell you what, there's a town in the Yorkshire Dales. Been there, beautiful part of the world. I can't remember. I'll tell you what. There's a town in the Yorkshire Dales,

or on the brink of the Yorkshire Dales, called Settle, and it is absolutely beautiful. Anyway, Michael goes on to say, I can't remember where exactly, but the site was on a riverbank, and there were ducks to feed, and ice cream shops, and horses and cows, and dogs and ducks, and a whole host of lovely things

for a wee scamp like me to enjoy. My parents had a set of reins, not too dissimilar to which one the horses, which the horses would have. Yeah, I had them when I was a kid. I think they're quite controversial now. Why? For obvious reasons. Well, because it's a bit weird, isn't it?

Is it? Yeah, I think so, yeah. Yeah, but if you're, yeah, but. Not an animal, are you? It's a kid. Well. And Michael says the reins allowed me to wander a few feet from them but I was still under their control

of course part of the riverbank was about six feet high with a vertical cliff wall leading to the fast flowing river you can see where this is going

while walking we came across another family with a child of a similar age while the parents talked I pushed the other child off the cliff

there isn't really much more to the story other than that the other child was absolutely fine a bit wet and my parents were mortified I'm a lovely 30 year old bloke now child off the cliff. There isn't really much more to the story other than that the other child was absolutely fine, a bit wet, and my parents were

mortified. I'm a lovely 30-year-old bloke now and I've never tried to kill anyone else since. Weird. The things kids do, eh?

Keep up the good work, Michael. That was you. A taunt for your mistakes. Michael, three years old and trying to kill

another kid. I like to think he became a member of the Coast Guard. Yeah, maybe. To atone for his sins. Maybe. Maybe it was a young Mike Cernovich.

Dreadful behaviour. One of my earliest memories was being... It was a young Mike Cernovich, and the other child was just a woman. Get in the water. It's what you deserve. Men's rights. Yeah.

I'm lonely. Dram the witch. P.S. Why won't anyone have sex with me? I just want to be popular. I just want to be loved. I've wet myself. One of my earliest memories was being in Hartlepool, Chatham Road, the place,

the house that got knocked down by the seagull wagon driver. Strap yourselves in, listeners. This is going to be a good one. There's a back alley, and there was two little girls that used to live down our alley. Because up north, you mess around in the alley. Yeah. In my mind

northern kids of your Just hang out in alleys. of your vintage among broken bottles and socioeconomic background they only have either

trousers on or a top but never both. Like Donald Duck. Yeah. So sometimes a young kid will have

underwear a t-shirt and welly boots Yeah. So sometimes a young kid will have underwear, a t-shirt, and welly boots. Yeah, that's fair. Or trousers or shorts and no top. Why bother? Yeah. Carry on. She must have been about maybe two, toddling around, both of them. And one of them, actually one of them is probably a bit older,

probably maybe three. One of them got a big, you know, like a wooden saw. How old were you at this point? I was probably about five. Right, okay. Got a wooden saw and just put it onto her sister's forehead and just started rubbing it up and down, like just sawing the kid's head.

What were you doing? I was like, wow, this is about to get interesting. Yeah. And yeah, she did an almighty gash on her sister's head. I don't know what a wooden saw is. A saw? But why would it be made of wood? It's completely ineffective, isn't it?

Come on now, there's different kinds of saws for different kinds of wood. Like a still saw, woodcut. Oh, you mean a saw to cut wood? Yeah. Oh, sorry, okay. Yeah, yeah. So like... Oh my God, that's even worse.

Yeah, just got, I mean, yeah. I thought you meant like a child's... Like a child saw made it work. No, just kind of started sawing into her. Did you intervene? I think everyone was just a bit shocked. You've been white knighting since you were five years old. I couldn't believe that.

Sorry, Mike Cernovich told me this. I can't believe how... So what was the outshot? What actually happened? What was the outshot? A young child had a big sore mark on her head. Probably scarred to this day. Well, I hope she recovered

because it wasn't nice to watch. Do you remember... Oh, it doesn't sound like it. Do you remember when we went out for a couple of beers and on the way home, I headbutted the tube door? Yeah, yeah.

I think we mentioned it a couple of shots ago, in fact. Did we? Like a money box. I had a big cut across my head. Split my head. You know what it was? It was those bobbled paving stones

on the edge of tube platform. Because obviously they use those, I guess, so blind people can know when the edge of the platform is. Yeah. And I was running to get on the tube and I stumbled and smashed my head on it.

It was like Finchie Road, which is like, I think the tube station is lower. The tube is lower than the platform. Anyway. It's a lot of how you, they have posters all around the tube going, careful, don't fall on the tracks. Yeah tube is lower than the platform. They have posters all around the tube going,

careful, don't fall on the tracks. It wasn't even raining. What about this, Pete? We talked a while back about your famous improvisation of a school stage performance

centred around the 80s sitcom Bread. Yes. Because you were left in the lurch by a friend. Is that right? Yeah.

That's great. Yeah. Um, and so it was at Cubs. Oh, that's it. Yeah. Kia was,

has been in touch saying about on the subject of this school performance type thing. Uh, and he says, hello, uh, Pete's ludicrous talent show chat reminded me of a school talent show. I was involved with at the impressionable age of eight. Um,

the Spice Girls were in their pomp, and every lunchtime the girls would practice dance routines to Spice Girls songs next to the wall. I mean, which he says is like a wall they used to hang out in the playground. I remember this because I was around this sort of right age, and I remember a lot of the girls in my year doing

a Spice Girls routine at the end of year, ball or whatever it is. Do you remember when dads would sort of dress up as Spice Girls and do little dances at like social clubs and stuff just an excuse to put a dress on

it's hilarious love that is your dad with Stewie involved no I'd never seen my dad in drag no me either he's seen me in drag

on the front of the Harty Bull Mill so proud good only time the Harty Bull Mill has ever been interested in my career because one of their

sister organisations put me in their newspaper so they sat up and took notice and put me on the front page so the first time and only time I've ever been on the front page

of the Hartlepool Mail was me dressed as the Travago lady yeah the thing is I think your dad would have liked to have seen you on the front page

of a local newspaper as some sort of Nobel Prize winning physicist or something yeah you've been making an arse of yourself and that's how you've done it.

Putting makeup on, wearing makeup that I applied myself. There we go. Back to Kia, who says in classic schoolboy tactics, a group of us young gents decided to perform an irreverent lampoon of their efforts at the talent show by performing the Spice Girls famous hit. Who do you think you are?

The punchline was that instead of the original chorus lyrics, which are swing it, shake it, move it, make it. Who do you think? We the punch line was that instead of the original chorus lyrics which are swing it shake it move it make it who do you think uh we sang pick it lick it roll it flick it see how far it goes i mean i presume that's about a bogey but it's but it sounds a bit sexual kia says we are of course referring to the deplorable act of picking one's nose licking said booger rolling it into a small bogey ball and flicking it probably at the girls.

Why do you need to lick it? I don't know. I've never got that stage of it. I don't understand that. The performance

itself was mediocre at best but we ended up winning because one of the troupe, Oli, did a backflip at the end. Fantastic. A sad tale of

star-level substance but we'll take it. Cheers, Kia. Kia's job title in his email is Senior Inventor. Nice. Now, unless he's just typed that in. Is that for a particular company?

Unless he's laid a trap for us that we've walked into. I don't know. I'd like to hear more, Kia, so get back in touch. Couldn't we see an automatic bogey rolling machine that flicks? Were you one of those kids that could do backflips at school? No, I wasn't very sporty I also think with things like

school talent shows it's you get an idea in your head of how it's going to go everyone's going to be like fuck that's brilliant

but the actual sitting down and writing the show is the last thing you think about you have the image when we've ever done anything like

live or like something televisual um jim from the ramble has always got an idea about how things are going to look yeah before he because he's a good good writer but he's got his obsession yeah i always had this obsession with putting bags on our heads and pretending to be a footballer and that's an image i'll give him that yeah. Yeah. But there's no, there's no substance. There's no substance. He's Ollie in this scenario.

Yeah. But he put it up three or four times and every time I go, Jim. What does it mean? Jim, what does it mean? Yeah.

Give me, give me more. Yeah. And he never did. So one day he'll be on telly doing the bags on head thing. Yeah. Yeah,

he will be. Yeah. I love that Oat Beach. It's just airing grievances on other podcasts. Like Seinfeld. Wait until I tell you about Abroad in Japan.

Oh, yeah? You don't know about that at the moment? No, it's all right. I've been in a couple of his videos, so I've never been exposed to a YouTube audience

really before. It's for the best. My God, it's for the best. Well, the Football Ramble YouTube audience, which is about 10,000 people. Wow. We should do something with that.

Well, yeah, I mean, but that's more... But proper YouTubers have got like a million subscribers, right? Yeah, exactly. Like Jack Dean and... But yeah, exactly. So also he's sort of, I'm not on my dollar. Football is on my dollar.

If I'm producing something for the channel, if we're doing something together for the channel, it's our kind of creation. But when you're kind of jumping into someone else's world that they've crafted, it's a different situation so you're getting sort of reviewed from people who automatically don't like

you they like the other guy yeah well no let me just rephrase that if you don't mind they don't know you yeah and they've decided

that you're shit that's different yeah I got some art reviews but they were mainly lookalikes hair that is a good hair

you look like everyone that is a good hair you look like everyone that is a good hair haircut for a receding hairline you look like Edward Snowden never had Edward Snowden before

literally any one with glasses any of those glasses anybody with glasses I seem to look like Gary Oldman I've had before I look like

Ewan McGregor I can't look like everyone that's the thing because I sometimes like ifwan McGregor I can't look like everyone that's the thing because I because sometimes like if you have like we do the ramble

and that's a quite popular product and more popular than anything else we do I think it's fair to say and so we get like the odd people sort of stopping us in the street sort of say oh I listen to the ramble

I'm like oh mate that's great so I'm always sort of predisposed to sort of getting ready to sort of do that and I think I've spoken about this before. A man leaned in and I thought he was going to talk about the Ramble. Yeah.

And he's actually asking me where my court was from. I know. Right. So I'd only lean in. And so like, I'll occasionally get a double look. And I just genuinely, it's because I look like everybody. You know what I mean? I look like everybody's mate.

No, you do. I completely agree. I don't think there's a week that goes past. There's not a day that goes past in my world. Yeah, we don't get a tweet or whatever. Going, oh, looking good, Pete. Yeah, some bank robber or something. Yeah.

Sometimes it's even. And I'll only ever retreat the good ones, but there was a really good one on a tube of an old gentleman with grey hair who looked just like me. And there was another guy who, on CCTV in Birmingham, no Nottingham stole some jewellery from her jewellers and I looked very much, the hair was spot on, exactly the same

as my hair. I found some comments on these YouTube videos about you. Pete takes normal and throws it out the window That sounds more positive than it needed to be Luke. Yeah. Dig deep mate. I should probably check out Pete's podcast he's an absolute legend. See, bringing people in. You need to dig deep, mate. I should probably check out Pete's podcast. He's an absolute legend. See, bringing people in.

That's from Pete Donaldson 1. Pete's outfit is very underprepared. What does that mean? Well, listen, it's nothing to do with me, mate. I've got a Japan shirt and some shorts. Do you know what? I'm just going to do Control F, Pete.

See if I can find some more from you, okay? Let's have a look here, what we've got here lol nice one Pete see popular I found my audience

18 year olds Pete's accent is rubbish oh yeah that's good good to see Pete on the show

that is a very stylish way to wear a receding hairline I will take a mental note because all of my uncles are bald right yeah exactly stuff like that but you've known me for 10 years and my hairline, I will take a mental note because all of my uncles are bald. Right. Yeah, exactly.

Stuff like that. But you've known me for 10 years and my hairline hasn't really moved. It's been like this for a long time. So people who know us and have listened to us before might know the story that you actually grew your hair. Well, listen, you deny this, but it is the truth. You grew your hair back because I said once that you've got a skin hair because you're going bald.

I've said this before. It wasn't you. It was Richard Bacon's wife. Said that you've got a skin hair because you're going bald. I've said this before. It wasn't you. It was Richard Bacon's wife. Said that you shaved your head because you went bald. I went, no. I've still got hair. I said it as well. All right.

Why does her opinion matter more? Fair enough. Fair enough. Fair enough. Because she's not you. Yeah. If your opinion mattered for anything, I don't think I'd be able to hang out with you. True.

Because of your barbs true constant barbs they're affectionate though the worst comment i ever got on them online about something i've done and i still to this day don't really understand it but i suspect it isn't good i think i did like i can't remember exactly what it was but it's something i worked really hard on i think i think it was the first ever article i wrote for like i think it might have been the guardians and for me back then it was a big deal and it probably still would be a big deal now whatever but i mean in in the um in the uh summer i wrote something for the washington post and that was like a massive deal for me but anyway i wrote something for the guardian and it

took me ages right and i was really proud of it and i sent it around to my to my family everything and obviously it was online as well and online the comment, which you can't get rid of. You can't change it. Bear in mind, it was about 800 words. It's taken me a couple of days. Really well researched and everything, I thought. First comment, can't get rid of it. Won't move.

Won't always be there now. Typical more. Typical more. What were you writing about? Not in a good way. Repatriation. I don't know. You're disgusting. What that guy said about? Not in a good way. Repatriation. I don't know. I don't know.

You're disgusting. What that guy said, and it will be a guy, in two words is, this sums up everything I already thought I knew about Luke Moore and I don't care

anything more to hear about him again. Typical Moore. Yeah. Because you don't say, typical Moore is non-complementary. Classic Moore

is complementary. Potentially. Potentially. It's got more chances of being complementary than typical Moore. But the fact that it's written in an internet comment means it's non-complementary classic mower is complementary potentially it's got more chance of being complementary than typical mower but the fact that it's written in an internet comment

means it's non-complementary I think I would probably go at the top of those choices I'd have classic mower at the top then probably typical mower then usual mower which is probably even worse

usual mower specs and then just under one you fat cunt which I get caught a lot as well so there we go that's complementary sorry for the guy who emailed in about the swearing, who definitely is still listening.

What I like about internet commentary is that I would love to see the stats where it sort of lays, male, female. And also I'd count internet commenters must be 99% male. It must be a percentage where you'd be like, wow, that could be a statistical anomaly. 100% could be male. Or if not, transition males.

No, I think... Because you don't leave that behind. The thing inside you that goes, I'm going to stick my fucking oar here. I've definitely met some women who are vicious. Vicious? In my time. Yeah yeah but they don't feel a need to sit down and stick their fucking oar in but it does take it i mean obviously there are people out there genuinely got a hard life so i'm not trying to make out that it's a you know a real burden or whatever but it does take a while when you do stuff you do a job where everything you do is

criticized or complimented or at some point, some way judged. Yeah. It does take you a while to get used to that, to sort of, sort of zone out and just ignore it, which is what I do now. Yeah. And,

um, Oh yeah. I like, I've never, it didn't take long for me to sort of go, well, I, it didn't,

it doesn't take long to sort of go, well, you know, you're only ever going to listen to the good comments, aren't you? And you're going to disregard the bad comments. Yes, it's human nature. It's just human nature.

So, yeah, it is funny though, isn't it? Anyway, if you are going to leave us a review about this show, you say what you want in the comments, but give it five stars. Five stars, yeah. Because that's really important. Slit it, but give it five stars, yeah. On that bombshell, Pete, I think we've probably subjected people to enough of this inane nonsense.

But we will, of of course be back on Monday for another episode of the Luke and Pete show it might be 1-2-5 actually and it's coming up to Christmas so we should probably do something around Christmas an intercity 1-2-5

of a show yes goes to 125 miles per hour what would you like our listeners to do or to get involved with for a Christmas episode Christmas traditions

in your household maybe we've done it already haven't we have we done it the problem with asking you about anything is you don't maybe? We've done it already, haven't we? Have we done it? The problem with asking you about anything is you don't remember anything we've done. No, you write things down.

That's your aide de mémoire. Just put sleigh bells over the theme. All right, we'll see you next time. Hello at lucanpeach.com to get in touch. We'd love to hear from you.

We'll plough through your emails. If you've sent one in and it's not been read out yet, do not fear. It's either rubbish or we haven't got to it yet. We did do Christmas traditions.

We did Christmas arguments which is different. We didn't do Christmas traditions. We did Christmas arguments, which is different. Better. Better. Christmas traditions in your household. Do you all, I don't know, have a Christmas orgy with your friends? Do you all feed pork to your ducks? Yeah. Or your geese?

Merry Christmas, man. Let's have some sex. This was a Radio Stakhanov production. That was really unnecessary, Pete.