The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 132: Do it all on expenses

Episode Date: January 10, 2019

Welcome back to The Luke and Pete Show! It's Thursday, and so it's very nearly the weekend. Allow us to help you get there with another half an hour of nonsense, this time around including the busting of an urban myth or two, a strangely supportive attitude towards lad mags of the 90s, and obviously then Pete veers into chat about masturbation. We apologise in advance.Elsewhere there's a bit on The Inbetweeners, and then someone gets in touch to talk about stealing from vending machines.Tell what you want to tell us: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

who the podcast master we the podcast master it's the luca peter we're back again for more chat and to bother you during your commute, lunchtime excursions, or masturbation time. Why would they be doing that? I don't know. Mix it up a bit. I don't mind them doing it. Look, I've always said,

I've always said my autobiography was going to be called Memories of My Father or A Difficult Wank. It's kind of like thinking about your parents or listening to the little Pete Shaw whilst in flagrante el solo os. It's probably quite a difficult, expert level onanism, I think. If you're listening, give yourself a little treat.

Look, give yourself a little treat, but make it difficult for yourself. I once knew a man who said that he would only do it in the kind of half push, half, what do you call it? Sit-ups.

The half sit-up position. So if you do it in the sit-up position, you're kind of distracted so you don't feel the muscle burn so much and that's how he had abs.

That man's a psychopath. That man is basically Patrick Bateman from American Psycho. It's a good idea though, isn't it? Who can't attract women. Yeah, it's good though.

You must have put a lot of thought into that. Speaking of debauchery, first of all, hello. Sorry to talk about masturbation so early on. We're the podcast masters. As we've talked about before. We're the podcast masters. How are you going to say that?

As we talked about earlier on, the Luke and Pete Show Parish is a broad community, isn't it? Yeah, broad church. It reminds me of an urban myth that I've subsequently learned was an urban myth. Right. That people would insist at the time when I was a kid that it was true. Yeah. Everyone knew about that.

Classic, mate. So if you don't know it, if you're from a different, if you grew up in a different country or maybe you haven't been graced with the presence of that urban myth. It goes a bit like... I heard... Yeah, go on, sorry. It just goes a bit like this, very, very quickly. Boy is masturbating in bedroom with headphones on and eyes closed.

When he finishes whatever it is he's doing, well, you know what he's doing because I just told you. When he finishes, he looks around and his mother or his father, whoever, has left a cup of tea and a biscuit

to the side of his bed. Now, people I know growing up insisted that was true and happened to another guy. I know. Yeah. For some reason it pinned itself to him particularly. I just got, I've got a question very,

very quickly. Right. What sort of parenting is that? Yeah. Because you're saying, I know, you know, I know,

I know what you're doing. I know you know, I know what you're doing. Yeah. If anything, just back out. Don't leave the tea there. No, I think it's caring. It's sort of like, because you're saying I know you know I know what you're doing and now you know I know what you're doing if anything just back out don't leave the tea there no I think it's caring

it's sort of like there's don't dehydrate after that I'll give a cup of tea more than that another really just a kind of product

the Jack Made podcast one of his co-hosts one of Jack's co-hosts actually related that story as an actual story you know how like obviously they're younger people they're in their story. You know how like, obviously they're younger people, they're in their 20s.

You know how like, younger people know everything and we're just old fuddy-duddies. I felt like going, now, you've been sold an absolute stinker there, mate. That's as old as the hills.

And the urban myth, a lot of people don't fully appreciate this, I don't think, but before the internet, of course, FHM and those kind of magazines were massive, right? Particularly in the mid-late 90s.

And they were actually opinion forms as well. It's disgusting as we find them now, and how controversial they've been, and we've seen offshoots of those, like Nuts and Zuga, our business. I think FHM and Loaded and GQ, which is obviously still going around, they were, at that time, far more

reflective of a culture. Yeah, I think so. As bad, however you want to judge that culture, there was more to them than just titillation. Yeah, would you rather a child be reading FHM, maybe not The Nuts and Zoo, but like the FHM or watch internet pornography and listen to right-wing YouTubers?

Yeah. You know. You're never more than like a minute or two away from right-wing YouTubers in your camp, Pete. Certainly not my YouTube front YouTubers. Yeah. You know. You're never more than like a minute or two away from right wing YouTubers in your camp Pete. Certainly not my YouTube front page.

No. I was just going to make the point about FHM very quickly about its contribution to the busting of these urban myths. Right.

I remember they used to have a letters page and they used to obviously publish their favourite letters and they used to have a jokes page as well and they used to have a

section in their letters page called heard that one before and it would always be they would name and shame someone who's set in an urban myth right and claimed it as their own yeah and that story came up in um in the fhm and it's only then could i say to my friends at the time look this is bollocks yeah this is why it's a grown-up has said everyone's talking about it and i remember that i remember also if you want to hear a 90s story i'm sure you do if you want to know how pathetic I was in the 90s,

and I'm sure you can use your imaginations, but here's some arrows for your quiver. I once bought a pair of trainers because FHM reviewed them as the best pub trainers. Pub trainers! Let me guess. Available. Aless or Adidas Shelters?

I think they were Adidas Campus. Campus. Which was slightly different to the Gazelle and one below the Sheltoe. Right. And they would do it. It was the most 90s thing ever. And I put a lot of stock in it at the time.

They were basically saying, right, here's how they handle a wet beer floor, a sticky floor. Here's how they handle walking around the pool table. Do you slip up? Here's how they handle, you know, basically just walking around.

I would have very much liked to have been a journalist for Lorded or FHM, a press trip every week, as much booze and drugs as you can handle. Yeah. And trips to far-flung destinations

every week. As long as you turned in half a page on, I don't know, who's hot, Jennifer Lopez or Rachel from S Club 7. As long as you turned in that, you were fine. Some of the stories, unfortunately... How to put together a pocket square. Exactly, all that kind of stuff. Unfortunately enough, and I do use that word on purpose,

it is an absolute pleasure. I'm fortunate enough to work with Danny Kelly, a legendary broadcaster. Obviously, he used to edit NME and Q Magazine. I think he might have been the founding editor of Q anyway. He said when he was editing NME back in the golden era of published journalism,

publications and stuff, at one point he said, in fact, this was before he was the editor of NME, it was when he was a reporter for the NME or a features editor or something, publications and stuff. At one point he said, in fact, this was before he was the editor of the NME, it was when he was a reporter for the NME, or a features editor or something, or features writer. He was sent to LA to interview Teenage Fan Club, right? Just sent out there for a few days to come back again. When he got there, he had such a good time, he forgot to interview Teenage Fan Club, came back and no one cared.

Yeah. No one gave a shit. They sent him up, do you know what they did? They sent him up to Scotland, so just interview him him up there the back end of that i think cost me a penny i went on a uh the only press trip i have ever been invited on um was like video game uh press trip is something i've got a great passion for um was uh the gamescom in cologne and basically we got set up in a hotel for a couple days days, nice hotel, uh, upgraded all that stuff. Uh,

but I was very green and I didn't really understand the, the, the lay of the land. So PRs pay all this money, uh, to get people out to, um, to gamescom or E3 or the Tokyo game show.

And basically the four, as long as the writers write about the video game that they're sending them out for, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what else they do. Um, honestly, the bloke from the star sat in his jacuzzi for three days. He flew all the way to Cologne, sat in his jacuzzi for three days,

and he would happily just go to the PR, can you go to the bar and get us a drink? Like, completely shameless. I can't imagine you ever doing that. No, no, no, I never did. But I'm probably smart about this before. I can't imagine you ever doing that. No, no, no, I never did. But I'm probably smart with this before.

And also he filed copy to the Daily Star back in the day. I can't date this for obvious reasons because it's obvious who it is. He basically watched a E3 keynote, last time it was at E3, on an equivalent press trip. He filed an E3 piece about what was happening in the game industry from a video from the previous year

so he wrote up basically what was happening at E3 from the previous year because he had no interest in video games he had no ear for it at all and he filed this piece

until the PR went oh my god don't do that that was last year's you need to rewrite it with this year's information. Incredible. And did he do that?

He did that? Yeah, he did that. Yeah, yeah, I did that in the end, yeah. Wow. Incredible. You can't say the year. It was a while ago though, right? It was a while ago.

It was, yeah. If you read Christopher Hitchens' excellent memoir, Hitch 22, I recommend it. It's brilliant. He was either editor at large or a again a just a reporter i suppose but a well-respected one of course for vanity fair back in the day and some other publications as well but chiefly vanity fair at that point he was a contemporary of um of um what's his name salman rushdie right and um one or two others um you know well respected you know

great writers he obviously he wrote a lot more of um non-fiction type um type reporting so he famously never missed a revolution around the world he'd always fly there and i'm fairly certain it's a while since i've read it but i'm fairly certain at one point he mentions that for vanity fair he wasn't salaried they would essentially just fund his lifestyle so at the end of each month he would just send his expenses in quotes

which is basically everything he spent any money on for that month and they would just pay it so there wasn't even like a published salary it was just done for

so for example if there was an uprising in Czechoslovakia he would just fly there do everything he wanted to do on credit suitcase full of American dollars. And they'd just pay him.

Yeah, incredible lifestyle. Absolutely incredible lifestyle. But I just like watching these men, and they are mainly men, just kind of dealing with life post-internet, where the arse has fallen out of the slush fund, the arse has fallen out of advertising, just sort of going, well, where's my beer? Where's my free

flight somewhere in a way I mean not that side of it but it is sad that we have seen because the internet has been amazing

in lots of different ways obviously but chiefly for what we do but it is sad this race to the bottom thing where there appears to be in a weird way

we talked before about how you only really get indie movies or massive blockbusters now you don't get the middle ground because the middle ground is like Netflix and that kind of stuff or HBO. It's the same really with reporting and decent journalism. You have the very top end stuff and then you have essentially cub reporters.

They're not even cub reporters. They're just glorify work experience working online, writing whatever they can churn out for clicks and hits and stuff like that there's nothing really in between I wrote something for the Washington Post in the summer

for the World Cup it was the first time I'd written anything for them and I was genuinely surprised they were going to pay me properly to do it

but them and the New York Times I think and one or two others are the only ones really that actually properly pay the rates that you used to traditionally

get for being a journalist or a reporter or a features writer or columnist back in the day and that's that's one of the sad things about the internet because the great quality journalism is still out there but i think it's probably a little bit harder to find than it should be yeah well um wait right there because we'll be back next you won't believe what luke mu is going to do So the first step is to find the right position for you. Put your hands down and

lower your chest to the ground. Just do that and pretend that you're holding poop in and it should sound a lot like this. The kid eating crisps makes it.

He is eating crisps isn't he? Yeah. Is there another kid watching him? Say again? Is there another kid watching him eating crisps while he's doing that? Yeah that makes it even worse to be honest. Because there's not another guy can be talking and eating crisps, isn't he? Yeah. Is there another kid watching him? Say again? Is there another kid watching him eating crisps while he's doing that?

Yeah, that makes it even worse, to be honest. Because there's not other guy can be talking and eating crisps at the same time. Maybe that gives him the power, the beefy crisps. Gives him the pumpy power. Have you seen, Pete, that... Pumpy power. The Chinese have landed a lunar module on the dark side of the moon, the far side of the moon.

I did read that this morning. Because they didn't talk about it, did they? They didn't announce it until they'd actually done it. And they went, ha, we're here. Apparently, previous moon missions have landed on the Earth-facing side, but this is the first time any craft has landed on the far side.

Yeah, it's really quite hard to send signals. I think they've got satellite bouncing signals back, that it comes in three parts i think i believe i haven't read the article in that much detail because i only just found out about it but i believe the attraction in having something over that side of the moon means that it vastly limits the interference in terms of radio signals you get from earth yeah so you get a lot more clearer um imagery and um information when you're sending stuff out there and getting it back that's the attraction it's not because there's aliens there not because a man eating cheese like um what's that um moon's made of cheese he wouldn't be eating his own face would he true actually no there could be a man sat on the moon's face eating the cheese of the man's face

it could be i guess yeah it's possible mate these things are possible and I also before we get into emails I wanted to talk about you know I mentioned the in-betweeners on the last show

yes the in-betweeners to me is like right wing youtubers to you what do you mean I'm just obsessed with it

yeah but you actually like it I love it yeah I absolutely love it but there was a reunion show over New Year

there was well I think they sold it as because I thought it also looking. I absolutely love it. But there was a reunion show over New Year. There was. Well, I think they sold it as, because I thought it also, looking from afar, it was going to be like a new episode that they created. But in fact, it was just one of those dreadful kind of like,

this is your life kind of episodes. I don't know why, that's the thing. It was like two hours long as well. Part of the reason, I think it was very long. I saw most of it. Part of the reason it was poorly received, for i saw i saw most of it part of the reason

it was poorly received for those of you who haven't seen it or heard about it it was a reunion episode where they had all the characters all the cast they did a lot of stuff usual sort of imagine this is your life i don't know i can't remember imagine this is your life cross with like a panel show with david mitchell on it it's your life right um and i think the reason partly it was badly received was because, exactly as you've just said there, some people were expecting an episode, right? But it wasn't really.

It was just quite self-aggrandizing. Aren't we great? Look how great this is. Yeah, and a series that ran for, what, four seasons? It's three seasons. Three seasons. And two movies. Six episodes, two movies six episodes

two movies a very British product you know of its time I just don't know what needed to happen I don't understand

it's this obsession with this people like this let's give them everything there is to know about it until they're blue in the face

and there's no stone on top to me I don't think you need to have literally at one point jay's dad in it who's this cameo character he's quite funny but he's funny in his belligerence and his is how basic he is and all this other stuff he's up there like accepting an award for best parent character in the in-betweeners by people on the in-betweeners who have sat there applauding like it just seemed very, almost through the looking glass,

sort of unplanned post-modern. I just think nostalgia, we've run out of things to be nostalgic about. It's not what it used to be, is it? So we're being nostalgic about things that happened in the last week. Do you remember Katy Perry's I Kissed a Girl video? Do you remember that? Do you remember Hot When You're Cold? I can't remember what that song was.

I do remember seeing that Katy Perry video. Hot When You're Cold, do-do-do-do, that one. Chiefly because it was when I used to go to the gym. That's when it came out. There we go. Anyway, shall we do some emails? Yeah, all right then. You go ahead, mate.

All right then, mate. Hello to Jamie. Hello, Jamie. This is a bit of a serious one, but I think it's important to mention it because we do get a lot of emails about this for all of our products, for the Football Ramble, for this as well.

Good morning, Pete. First time I've ever emailed into something like this, but I just want to say a big thank you for your podcast. Without going too deep, I've been through a tricky time recently with friends. Listening to you guys chat for 30 minutes a couple of times a week brightens my day and puts me in a much better place mentally.

It's like being at a pub with a few pals, just chatting shit, the good kind obviously keep it fantastic work you've got me hooked um and i'm putting that in there because um i think that's important to reflect that we do read these emails and i always feel bad that it kind of feels a bit glib when i reply sort of saying oh sorry about that you know it's actually quite hard to sort of express how happy we are that we're making positive changes in anybody's life, which seems ridiculous, the sort of shit that we get up to on the podcast. Well, you make a lot of positive changes in my life, Peter.

Cheers, mate. And some negative ones, but overall the balance sheet is in the black. Well, you're going to enjoy my call. He does go on to sort of mention that the bruiser, Che chew bar oh yeah bruiser chew bar i wasn't a big chew bar man because i hurt my teeth but i do remember the bruiser yeah the texture was a bit off compared to other chew bars at the time but the flavor profile was right up there oh you'd love that wouldn't you we should do like a kind of um like a flavor profile for all the cheap but the problem is you can't buy them in central london right the main chew bars in central london are all kind of like american uh ones that have come over really expensive

they're the really expensive ones you can't buy an iron brew bar for love nor money i'll get someone i'll well i live um out of central london so i'll try and find some i'm cool i was gonna say um we do massively value people getting in touch and listening of course and even if you don't feel like you want to email we we still appreciate you listening. But people who have sort of gone through some bad crap, I mean, you forget how, not important, but how much you become part of somebody's week. And I think sometimes we don't kind of reflect that

in reading emails like that. So just know that they all get read. Do you know what I'd like to do? And part of the reason I'm saying this on this show, so you can't stop me saying it, is I'd like to get together in a small to medium-sized room, and I'd like to do a live Luke and Pete, and I'd like to get people up who want to get involved

to tell their stories live rather than email in, so we can all get involved together. I'd love to do that. That's a little dream of mine. I've written it on my computer to remind me to say it. And they get the mic and they go, and then I woke up and there was a cup of tea on the side and we go get off the stage we've heard that one before you disgraceful liar get out get out and throw like fruit at them yay i'd love that

pete wouldn't you sat up there nice couple of easy chairs people getting up having a little chat it'd be brilliant as long as they're high-backed. High-backed chairs, absolutely. High-backed chairs. And we would charge a maximum of like 75 quid a ticket. We'd do it in a members bar. Yeah. One thing I would say actually, on a

semi-serious note, is... An SSN. Of course, for us, we get to do the job we love and we get to make lots of shows and it's fun

and we've enjoyed it and I think we've worked hard to get to that position, but that's beside the point. We are grateful for it. But I would give've worked hard to get to that position, but that's, that's beside the point. We, we are, we are grateful for it,

but I would give you a bit of advice, not just for our show. In fact, not at all for our show, just for any show you like. Yeah. If you ever think about emailing someone, tell them you like what they do and not sure whether to do it or not,

just do it because it means an awful lot to, to people involved and, and hearing emails like that doesn't, doesn't mean a lot to me too. So thank you very much for sending in. Thanks, mate. Yeah, thanks, pal. Thanks, dude.

So if you, and also, just in addition to that very quickly, if you do want to tell me how great I am, I'm always happy to hear that. And so I know Pete is because it makes him

hate himself more. Yeah. What have we got here? So last show, I promised an email about free money and it was from Joe and so I'm going to read it out now.

He said, hi, guys. And free money from the late great Tom Berringer. Tom Berringer plays Barnes in Platoon, and that is one of the nastiest characters, I think. A real nasty bastard. He's great in it. He's really good. Joe says, hi, guys.

I've enjoyed the stories coming in about people finding money and deciding whether to keep it or not. This is something we talked about a few weeks ago. I have a unique take on this from when I did temp work

cleaning student accommodation in the summer between my second and third year of university for some extra cash. All the temp workers would meet in reception

of the student accommodation we were cleaning that day early in the morning. The job itself had its benefits as anything left in the room

was to be thrown out or kept for yourself. So I guess he means probably the end of term or whatever. Or the end of the year. All the cleaners would come in with empty rucksacks and fill up on what had been left behind. I grabbed myself a few pairs of trainers, some DVDs and some unopened alcohol. That's fair do, isn't it? I bet it's been paid as well.

Well, the amount of stuff that I... I remember sort of... Because I moved back home after university I moved a lot of my stuff back to Hartlepool via a National Express bus and the look on the driver's face when I turned up

with a full CRT computer monitor tower and keyboards my god and thermal paste and all of my CDs and bags

and stuff like that did you tip him in thermal paste by the way I shouldn't assume Joe is a man. It might well be a woman. They say, however, one morning when waiting for the management company to turn up and allocate us to rooms, the vending machine in the reception area

suddenly began to expel all the change inside it onto the floor. Okay. There was an initial delay from the temp staff as we momentarily wondered if this was some kind of social experiment, but very quickly it descended into a Lord of the Flies type scenario with people tackling each other in order to gather as much change as humanly possible. By the time the management had arrived, there was not a single coin left on the floor.

I myself collected £21. Interested to know where this behaviour falls on your respective moral compasses. Well, I mean, it's effectively the machine vomiting isn't it so it's the waste product of the vending machine in many ways i i'm probably gonna get myself into a bit of trouble here but i am much more tolerant and sympathetic on what i would call a victimless crime now i understand there is no such thing as a coca crime. The Coca-Cola Corporation could probably spare a few. They can spare 21 quid.

Yeah. You know? They're perpetrators of certain crimes in South America that they deserve a creaming off the top from some put-upon maids.

Exactly. So, 21 pound, I don't think it's going to be much to the... I mean, mind you, the franchisee of a distribution company might miss it. Yeah.

Their kids might be going without shoes but that's on your conscience Joe that's up to you but I think it's fair to say that there is a

difference between what you've described there and you know going to someone's house and stealing money out of people's pockets at a house party something I

have experienced before whoa experienced again perpetrated no experienced I'll tell you the story very quickly and I won't use any names

because that would be unfair. I was at a party once where I grew up. It was a house party. People were out of town. Parents were out of town. That kind of stuff. We were quite young.

A lot of coats were put in a room, as is the custom. When people began to leave, they noticed that stuff was missing out of their pockets. So money and wallets and I think it was before mobile phones.

So that dates it. Possibly not mobile phones. And the person who did it, quite clearly, although I can't prove it, was the person who went absolutely crazy about, we must find this person! Really over the top, really overacted. This is like Cluedo. And I don't think there was any sort of satisfactory conclusion to what happened,

This is like Cluedo. And I don't think anyone, I don't think there was any sort of satisfactory conclusion to what happened, but that guy or girl was, it was obviously a guy, was, not only girls, was a teenager,

that person was clearly sort of ostracised after that in terms of friends they did or didn't have. So it can happen. That is worse. You're stealing. Was it a West Ham footballer? No, no,

it wasn't. If you are stealing money in that situation, then that is far worse than, oh, some company has spewed out £21 in pound coins. You could tell someone, but ultimately, what's going to happen? That person you tell is probably going to pocket it anyway. So there you go. Well, we've had a lot of stories coming in with that

where people have found money, handed it over to a third party, a middleman, a security firm in between them and the person, and they've actually pocketed the money. So you may as well have done it yourself. I mean, it's in the same realm as if you were using a vending machine, which I do a lot, and you press the button for a Snickers, and the Snickers falls out and knocks a packet of crisps out, you're not going to hand that in, are you? I did that in the gym. I did that quite a lot in the gym, actually.

Well, eat Snickers. You can get protein on now. Pathetic. Pathetic state of affairs. To paraphrase Peep Show, which I'm not even really a fan of, that is a Snickers for people who can't handle reality. There's, yeah, the vending for people who can't handle reality. There's, yeah,

the vending machine occasionally on the lower rungs. They're always in disarray. They're always in absolute state in the easy gym. I don't know why,

but sometimes a protein shake will be sort of half hanging out. So I will select the water bottle directly above it to knock it down like some kind of advanced bagatelle

pinball machine. You're doing that on purpose. I'm doing it on purpose to dislodge it, and I get a free protein shake, which, in the main, are disgusting. So I've defrauded ECG out of many.

They make you need to go for a poo, don't they? Say again? Protein shakes make you need the toilet. Do they? I thought they would sort of block you up a little bit. Speaking of that, I'll do that. Why are you having protein shakes? I'm not. Just what I assumed.

Shake, shake, shake. Or is it energy drinks make you go to the toilet? I can't remember. I don't know. Diuretics. On New Year's Day, I forgot to mention this last week, on New Year's Day,

I woke up feeling terrible, as you can imagine, at about 1pm. Right. And thought, I'm not starting the year like this. Because I'm at that stage in my life now, in my late 30s,

where I'm like, I'm the tide of, reality's tide is quickly coming in. Okay. The tide's only going one way, shall we say, but I'm fighting against it.

I'm as Dylan Thomas would say, I'm raging against the dying of the light. And I thought, I'm not starting the year like this. I'm going to go for a run. I was in no fit state. Um, I think I demolished a McDonald's just a few hours before.

And, um, and I thought, I'm going to go out for a run. So I went out, got my gear on, went out, went for a fairly easy trot.

About 20 minutes into the run, I needed the toilet pretty badly. Right. And not a number one. Right. I had to camp into the local pub to just use their toilet. And the state I was in,

they didn't even question it. Yeah. They were just like, I'm not getting away with that. I'm not getting that. So in some situations, there would be a case where the barman or the manager would say, this is a liberty, yeah. But I mean, their look just like, I'm not getting away with that. Not getting away with that. So in some situations, there would be a case where the barman or the manager would say, this is a liberty, yeah. But I mean, their look was like, I'm not getting away with that shitting machine.

Just let him get on with it. And they did. So that's what reminded me of protein shakes. But I think I might be thinking of energy drinks. I walk upon, you know, New Year's Day was one of the best days I've had in a long time. It was genuinely wonderful. What happened? I cleaned the house.

I watched the film. I ate some incredibly stodgy burger. And it played a bit of video games. Oh, it was just, it had everything. It was a really lovely day all by myself. Had everything apart from human company. Exactly. There was that.

Almost like a London, Soho, sort of dystopian version of Cast Away with Tom Hanks. Yeah, pretty much. I think I'm going to start, I'm going to make a wall chart of, like a spider diagram of reasons why I look out of my window at night. So I was listening to some lads outside. Friendship? Question mark. at night. So I was listening to some lads outside.

Friendship? Question mark. But it's like, if someone is singing and for some reason this song is more popular than any other, people like to sing where I live

because it's the... I love to sing. Well, it's the party central, people are drunk and they're always singing. One song more than any other though, Stand By Me. I don't know why.

Really? That's a good observation that. But if someone's singing Stand By Me, I don't open the window Me I don't know why really really weird that's a good observation that but if someone's singing Stand By Me I don't open the window I don't need to say that but if it sounds like they might have a broken bottle in their hands

get out I'm opening the window yeah what would cause you to actually go down onto the street um the last time was a suspected terrorist attack

a vending machine spitting out pound coins hooray yeah um the um I actually um the last time I looked out the window it was terrorist attack a vending machine spitting out pound coins hooray yeah the I actually the last time

I looked out the window I've sort of become incredibly finely in tune with whether I should look out the window whether I should

unfollow the blinds you've developed like a sixth sense yeah honestly if men are shouting and it sounds like a fight is happening I don't bother

wow you're that used to it no because when an actual fight is happening, I don't bother. Why not? Wow, you're that used to it? No, because when an actual fight is happening, you hear actual contact slaps, usually like bouncing off a car or something like that. If people are just shouting, come on then, come on then, come on then, there's no point because a fight never breaks out,

never breaks out. But if people are going, ooh, ooh, like that, a fight is happening. And you're hearing a drunken fist connect with heavy flesh. Yeah. My friend of mine, Taylor, I know he's listening to the show,

so hello to you, Taylor. Hey, T-Dog. He's a great lad. He used to live... Hey, T-Dog, the great lad. He's a paramedic. Contributed to society. He's a good lad.

You don't know. He might be bad at his job. Email in, Taylor. What's your scores this week? How many lives you this week how many lives you saved because I guarantee it'll be more than

me and Pete put together anyway I've stabilised some people unless podcasting is life saving as we heard earlier anyway but Taylor used to live

opposite a kebab house alright and we used to go there just back in my sort of more stoner phase we used to go there have a couple of beers have a smoke

and and watch the kebab house because he's on the first floor right so same floor as you lovely people but the great thing was it was it was amazing for like we did this for months and it was amazing we played playstation look out there when the pubs kicked out it's brilliant uh and we saw fights and we saw even saw stuff like the the really hard kebab shop guy come out there with his big knife and threaten people and then back down. And then one night we saw the kebab shop owner emptying the kebab meat onto the pavement to clean his kebab meat holder and then put the meat back in the kebab thing. You told that story on this show before.

But I mean, it's pretty disgusting. Yeah, never went back in there since. Why are you allowed to tell disgusting stories but I'm not allowed to I think I do it with a with a sort of a bit of flair a little bit of Ric Flair shall we end with

how I started my 2019 Luke because you were rather excited by this story weren't you and some we can very very quickly

I just want to say there's some people concerned that you might be wanting to move out of Soho soon is that true can you confirm or deny that? I kind of do, because they're going to start putting scaffolding up, and I can't be arsed for that shite.

So you're going to move back up to North London? London is never finished. You know what? If we ever make any money out of this blimmin' hustle, we need to buy some bloody cranes. End this construction site, innit? It's the only thing that makes money in London. Cranes. Crane rentals.

Yeah. Counterweighted cranes. Shacklewell Arms. Terrible pub. It's a terrible pub. It is a terrible pub, but I knew that going in. There was a party on, a New York themed party. NYC, baby.

They're going to be playing the music, the Beastie Boys. The Interpol are they in New York? Yeah. Strokes. Strokes. Velvet Underground. Strokes Strokes Velvet Underground Talking Heads Velvet Underground oh shit I'm going to put some

Muse Muse from Totnes and Devon they yeah they're going to do that and it's it said on the invite fancy

prizes for best fancy dress so I assumed New York theme prizes for best fancy dress so I assumed there'd be Ramones

there'd be big boxy suits from... Some people going as the Big Donald. Some people going as the Big Donald, maybe, yeah, stuff like that. I was expecting lots of fancy dress. So I dressed as Bill the Butcher from Gangs of New York. And you knew you were planning to do that because you said to me, I'm doing that because it means I haven't got to buy any clothes.

Yeah. Because I've got all of the clothes. You've got to buy a stovepipe hat. All I bought was a stovepipe hat and a fake moustache that's all I bought and if you're listening at home I saw the fake moustache

in the packet and it looked very very good it was good wasn't it but the problem is once you start drinking it starts to sort of it's real human hair

and it starts to separate it looks a bit weird as a normal moustache I've got one now so yeah and so I get there and I'm the only person dressed up Luke

and not only like I'm not dressed as like a beastie boy I can't like sort of say can't style out I can't style out as this is

Dalston clothing I can't say that I'm a hipster I'm dressed as a Victorian gentleman a 19th century gangster and I've got a and I've got a you know

10 inch carving knife on me I did for those of you who follow us on Twitter at Luke and Pete show I've got a and I've got a you know 10 inch carving knife on me I did for those of you who follow us on on Twitter at Luke and Pete show I did tweet a picture of you the picture you sent me

of why am I why is this what's happening here and it is amazing because the photo everyone's just dressed like a normal

absolutely tragic young person and you're dressed like with big sideburns big moustache and you know usual but I was

unrepentant and I had a good night in the end. I bet you stood out, and I bet you caught the attention of more than one or two of the local ladies. Peacocking. I think that's the ultimate of peacocking. Oh, you're such a pick-up artist. Didn't wear the red shirt or the red scarf. I just wore Victorian garb.

Just walking around saying, that's a wound, that's a wound that's a wound dreadful idea so that's how I started 2019 and you know what not the worst one I've had well I for one

I for one hope you make it through 2019 without having to move out of your home because that would be a traumatic and stressful time for you but I will help you

if you need any help moving will you? yeah just because I want to look through your stuff there is some weird stuff. Yeah, exactly. All right. That's probably about as much as we've got time for.

That's as much as you can handle, I imagine. Thank you for getting in touch. And if you have got in touch, and if you haven't, thank you just for listening. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com if you do want to be a part of it. You're more than welcome to do so.

We'll see you next time around. Peter, say goodbye. I will say goodbye. Goodbye. And it's goodbye. I will say goodbye. Goodbye. And it's goodbye from me as well. This was a Radio Stakhanov production. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner.

Peloton All Access Membership Separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running.