The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 136: Digger Destruction

Episode Date: January 24, 2019

Welcome back to The Luke and Pete Show, and after Monday's festival of news and action we get straight back into the weeds with yet more chat about Prince Philip, before we discuss the worst thing you'd want to happen to your onboard a pleasure cruise.Beyond that, there's a barman's tale of a £10 all you can drink night, yet more #woodlicecontent, and a truly staggering decision from Mr Pete Donaldson to take an alarm clock, yes, an alarm clock, on his very first date as a 14 year old.We would love to hear from you, so get in touch: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

it's the sexiest podcast in podcast land it's the luke and pete show and it's thursday the 24th of january monday was all about buzz Aldrin, Prince Philip doing his thing, and all the different names for woodlice. What on earth is today going to be like? Pete Donaldson. Doing his thing? What? Endangering the life of a baby?

Getting pissed. Getting... Allegedly... Not even allegedly. We can't say allegedly. No. I hate it when people do that. Getting up.

Getting up. Getting pissed. Getting pissed. Ranky Prince Philip. I imagine Prince Philip and the Queen sleep in separate bedrooms. People of certain ages do. Can happen. Prince Philip, I imagine on that fateful day, he walked into the Queen's bedroom.

All right. She's like, okay. All right. Not bad. How are you? Yeah, good. What are you doing today? Getting pissed.

Might take the rangy for a spin. I'm going to get pissed. I'm going to drink only British vodka. Yeah. See you later, doll face. No, gin. Gin. Gin.

Always gin. Always gin. Always gin. And then he tries to pop a wheelie in a Land Rover. Can't happen. Can't happen. What kind of tunes do you reckon he listens to? I happen to be watching.

A bit of Wagner. He's thinking, yeah, he's's thinking I'll tell you what happened officer I happened to catch the final 10 minutes of Denver the Last Dinosaur on the way out of the house about the guitar playing hard BMX riding dinosaur

and I thought I'm going to pop a wheelie let's take it off some jumps yeah let's take this baby off some jumps the first words apparently

joke on the side it's not we hope no one was hurt I don't think anyone was hurt no poor Range Rover joke on the side very expensive it's now been reported that the first words, joke on the side, we hope no one was hurt. I don't think anyone was hurt. No, poor Range Rover. Joke on the side. It's now been reported that the first words

that Prince Philip said after he got out of the car was, did you see that skid? He just looked at the car window going, no foreigners in here? Yeah.

Gnarly. Last, on Monday, we also had a bit on baseball and someone almost dying while listening to our show, for which we are absolutely not liable. So suck on it, Jamie M. And what happened?

Remember, he bust his ankle in 14 places because he walked out in front of a car. Oh, yes, that's right. Because I think I missed in my brain and my ears and my thoughts. I missed the start of that because I was looking at something else and I was like, what? Hang on, I've got in the middle of this and somebody's breaking their ankle

and you know, I hate ankles getting broken. It's one of your phobias, isn't it? It is one of my phobias, yeah. You are phobic of that. I sometimes send you quite crudely sketched artist impressions of sprained ankles on WhatsApp,

don't I? Yeah, it's not welcome. And I get capital letters back, don't I? Capital letters back. I get indoor language back is what I get. I send you videos

of that naturist who dances around to football teams. So this is, yeah, so this is a great thread. 2019 online content.

There is a subculture. I don't know if it's big enough to be seen as a subculture. It's a one man subculture. No, no, I don't think it is. I'll tell you why because I'm going to go

as far as to call it a subculture purely because do you remember Brexit man doing it? Oh, yeah. He was. We have voted for Brexit. Brexit.

And he's got a St. George's flag in his hand. He's completely billy bollocks. He's dancing in front of a webcam. He's about 60. Yeah. I must look at that up. I must look that up. And it starts off as quite a eccentrically British, of interest, weird video.

Yeah. And the second half is just racial epithets. Yeah. The whole way through. And his little belly. You've let yourself down there. He's got a little, he's got a belly. And then underneath, just before the penis starts.

You know those little bellies you get above the penis? Imagine having one of them. Imagine having that. I think that you kind of want to. Must be awful. I'm not a man who instinctively wants to touch other men's privates, but I would like to give one a little poke. See what it's like.

It's probably very, very soft. Speaking of... Strokeable. Speaking of overweight men's features, can I pull up something you said a week ago? Yeah, can I just... Yeah, yeah. Can I pull up my top?

Pull up my trousers. No, can I pull you up on something you said a couple of weeks ago, which is that you didn't think in the Steve Coogan and John C. Reilly vehicle, Stan and Ollie... Yeah, his fat suit was very good. Yeah, I disagree with that. Really? I think his jowl was really realistic.

I was watching it in full screening room, you know, massive screen. The paws just don't work for me his fat hands didn't work either it never moves correctly let's talk about his jowl though right I thought his jowl looked very realistic

jowl too bulbous too bulbous for me jowls hang way more heavy than that I'm thinking Nicholas Soames I'm thinking Sepp Blatter

Sepp Blatter's lost a lot of weight actually right I'm thinking he's so active now yeah exactly he's always on the run from the law. Yeah, I know what you mean. My jowl is sort of covered by a beard.

But you know what I mean? Yeah. We're both in our 30s. So, yeah, okay. I promised... Not to do this again. Yeah, I promised that we would be a little bit more zeitgeisty with this show, and I think you promised the same, Pete.

And I picked up something in the news this morning in a newspaper that I haven't written down, but it doesn't matter. And it is talk of a couple who went on a cruise on a holiday. Right, yeah. And when they arrived up on board and into their cabin, they found something perhaps they didn't expect. Legionnaire's disease. No, that's about two weeks in.

Classic kind of cruise behavior. I'll tell you what, I'm a firm believer that you have to have as many experiences as you can in life. Legionnaire's disease is definitely one of them. No, I think food poisoning on a cruise is going to be an absolute shit state, something you probably should experience. That sort of disease

the creeping like terrifying nature of it you're definitely going to get it no but also it's the closest thing you're going to get

to replicating the plague in the 21st century when you do get it though I think it's really important to book out another cabin because that's you done that's you done for the whole trip

so essentially quarantine yourself quarantine yourself and you're just rocking back and forth because you're essentially quarantine yourself. Quarantine yourself and you're just rocking back and forth because you're on a cruise and you're shitting and you're vomiting.

Oh man. What a terror. And you can't escape. You just want to be home. I think, yeah, that's the big thing. I think it's,

I think there's a very almost unrivaled terror in being on a cruise ship. Let's say two days out from any land. Okay. And you just hear on the grapevine over dinner. Captain's table maybe. in being on a cruise ship, let's say two days out from any land, okay, and you're just here on the grapevine over dinner,

captain's table maybe, someone's gone down with food poisoning, what do you do? I'm straight away, I'm either doing one or two things. Vending machine food and water. Vending machines always come into it. I'm either knife and fork down,

I'm legging it back to the cabin and I'm not coming out. Right. Vending machine comes into play there or I'm finding who it is and I'm just kissing them. Killing them. I'm kissing them and fork down, I'm legging it back to the cabin and I'm not coming out. Right. Vending machine comes into play there. Or I'm finding who it is and I'm just kissing them. Killing them. I'm kissing them.

Get it done. Get it out of the way. Get it out of the way, yeah. Because it's the fear. It's the unknown fear that I don't like. It's not the food poisoning because I'm robust enough

to deal with it, I think. It's just the terror of it. I add a terror. I occasionally, because I live alone, not that anyone will be cooking for me if I live with anyone the

I go get these little tuna kind of meals these tiny little tuna meals I'm trying to you know I'm working out

so I'm trying to not eat crap during the week so these little foil John West things which is like a tuna kind of salad with beans

and potatoes in it and stuff and you peel it peel the foil but it's got a little mini fork on the top. So I peeled off the fork, and I think inadvertently,

one of the fork prongs went through the top of the foil. But I didn't see that happen. So I look down, and I see this foil, this perfect foil. And I think it's been compromised. And I open it, and I'm like, has this been compromised? And I'm smelling the tuna,

and it just smells like tuna. And I'm spending about half an hour on this. Should I eat it? Should I not eat it? Chuck it. I eat it. Yeah, fair enough. I'm like, has this been compromised? And I'm smelling the tuna, and it just smells like tuna. And I'm spending about half an hour on this. Should I eat it? Should I not eat it? Chuck it. I eat it. Yeah, fair enough. I'm all right.

Yeah, I knew you would eat it. Let me do this story, because I got sidetracked by food poisoning and lesion air disease. So I'll let the newspaper take it up. They say, even on a £4,800 trip of a lifetime, a holiday maker does not expect this. A UK couple are seeking compensation after saying they boarded a cruise ship sailing from singapore to phuket to find another man and woman in flagrante in their designated cabin which basically means they were fucking right um bobby and mary jackson age 64 and 62 from county antrim in northern ireland were offered 200 pounds each off their next journey

with norwegian cruise line mrs jack Jackson told the Sunday Post, I was traumatised and I needed a glass of water. Mr. Jackson said, we are not prudes, but this was ridiculous. Did they not get put into another cabin? Or did they have to stay in that jizz-flecked cabin? Tell you what, 200 quid off the next cruise

and change the sheets. I'll take it. You don't want to go on another cruise. There might be four people fucking in there. That's my way of looking at it. They want compensation. They've been offered £200 each off the next journey. Compensation? Come on.

That's good. Compensation for cum. Compensation. It's a charity I'm starting. It's like cash for kids. Don't say that in the same sentence again. What are you doing in that situation, Donaldson? You get on board the cruise ship and that sentence again. What do you do in that situation, Donaldson? You get on board the cruise ship and that's happening.

What do you do? I always think that when couples go for a lovely cruise or a nice holiday and they hear other couples or experience other couples fucking, it sets an untenable bar. Not an untenable bar, but like a kind of like, they look like this, sound like they're having fun. Why aren't we having fun?

Why aren't we fucking at this right moment?'s not answering my question though is it i'm just saying it it sets a what kind of cruise is this yeah okay john bon jovi is selling tickets to a john bon jovi cruise yeah lots of artists at weasel yeah but john bon jovi it just makes me giggle a little bit it just makes me laugh. John Mujove cannot escape the trip, I think it's to Mallorca. Is Palmer in Mallorca? Yeah. PA LMA. There was footage of him fairly recently

at a sports event. They played Living on the Prayer and he was seen to be mouthing along to it. I think NFL tight end for the New England Patriots, Rob Gronkowski has his own cruise as well.

He's a foul man. Yeah, he is. I saw him in, obviously Patriots is. And he, I was, I saw him in, obviously Patriots in the Super Bowl and I saw him in the championship game recently

and he's got a big arm bracket on his, because he's got like a big arm support but it's like a bionic one. Right, okay. And I thought, oh man,

it's tough, tough playing American football, you know, he gets beat up all the time, I understand he gets injuries, looked it up, got pissed

and fell off a table. So that's how he got that injury yeah exactly and also in the news today it's just something I particularly liked from someone who tweeted

two images side by side the first one is two news stories basically in the same newspaper one was stars vow to come clean on endorsements

which is that Instagram famous people are now required to declare a lot more publicly when they're being paid to promote something. And we've all seen

that Fyre Festival documentary and all that kind of stuff. And I think it's a reaction to that. It's people like Rita Ora and some big YouTubers and the Kardashians, all that kind of stuff, right? And then the next page is

Boris Johnson giving £10,000 before speech. And it's basically Boris Johnson was paid £10,000 to stand in front of a JCB digger by JCB to talk about his views on Brexit. And fair enough, it's declared, and I don't want to turn this into a politics show,

and I don't propose to do that, but fair enough it's declared in the members' registered interests in the House of Commons in Westminster. But the average person, I can't help but feel, should have to know about that. They should know that. Why is there a GCB digger behind us? If it was that bloke, that Scouse bloke who smashed up that travel lodge.

Love that. I'd love to have a bit of him in the background. That's the news stories we should be doing. Tell people about this if they haven't seen it. You will have seen it. It was a guy who apparently didn't get paid by Travelodge or one of the big hotel brands here in england um in liverpool smashing the shit out of the foyer of said travelodge uh because he reckoned he hadn't

been paid but then i think there's a twist in the tale he had been paid and he just smashed up like and just find a dig on the side of the road because they look quite hard to drive no i think he was he was getting paid for work he did work rendered so to speak in his digger right so he turned up in his digger and went i was about that i mean all the freelancers on my timeline were like yes more of this please his final words were his final words were before was oh two days to clear i can't believe that it's about the commentary is amazing oh it's a skouska on the background just just absolutely loving it what happens when you don't pay your fucking bills. Yeah.

Lovely. Have you seen there's a plug-in for the Chrome browser or maybe the Edge browser, whichever browser it is. It doesn't really matter. There's a plug-in that basically whenever you visit a news site that is less than reputable or has a terrible record for just talking absolute shit, things like Infowars and things like that, it basically gives you a warning

and basically says warning uh this website is known to contain so many untruths we can't even get into it right now and so it's all kind of um well researched and you get a rating and if you're known to be a complete bullshit eyes you get there but there was a big fight between the daily mail and the people who created this app this plugin for your browser which is optional whether you want to get involved in that if you need that in your browser

to point out fake news and to point out bullshit I think if you're a total person who needs that you're not going to be able to install a plugin into your browser exactly

but I do like the fact that the Daily Mail took umbrage with the fact that when you visit the Daily Mail this little thing comes up and goes they talk shit all the time.

And it's just wonderful. I think that is the future. I think every browser should have that installed by default. I agree. I think, obviously, the propensity for certain groups and age groups, actually,

to share stuff and not thinking about critically is a really bad thing. But unfortunately, I do think that the type of people who share that kind of stuff are the people who think

a plug-in is one of those air fresheners you put in your house. But as soon as you start kind of criticising people like Facebook or Instagram for the kind of posts that they promote and the kind of posts they have on there, they suddenly go, we're an aggregator. We're not a media. We're not the media. It's like, they are the media.

That's how you access. They are literally the media. Well, it's the same editorial decision as deciding whether to run a story or not. Yeah, exactly. Deciding what people see. So they sort of get

away with it by saying they're not the media. I would extend that even. Are we the media? Yes, I believe we are. Do we make editorial

decisions about whether we should tell people what we think about Prince Philip? Well we don't have, we're having a meeting now about it, I guess. Let's do all our

meetings on the show. But I just think that if you can blame Facebook for promoting certain posts or allowing you to see certain posts, why can't you blame a browser like Internet Explorer or Chrome for allowing you to see these as well? So, yeah, the vehicle itself is going to be open to criticism. Where does that stop? Or Dell laptop screens.

Yeah. Or your optician. Yeah. How deep can this go? I hold my own corneas responsible. That's why I'll be removing them. Oh no! That's a disaster.

Right, we'll be back in a minute for more fun. Hi y'all, it's Farmer Me Money today. I'm sick of her. You're probably wondering why I'm in a cold, dark room repeatedly spilling molasses. That's a good point. You're probably wondering the same. 100th year anniversary of the Great Molasses Flood. Fairly recently, I think.

Something, I think, that was on the first episode of the Luke and Pete show. I believe so. Was it Boston? I believe part of Boston was engulfed in massive amounts of molasses. It was one of the inspirational things that made us want to do this show reading about that I love molasses

they're so delicious do you want an email Luke? I would love one mate let's get an email hello at lukeandpeacher.com to get in touch and thank you very much if you've got in touch already

we'd love to hear from you and may it continue for a very long time I have a bit of this Christmas story a little bit late but we're having it anyway Mohamed

thank you Mohamed hey guys long time listener first time emailer typing this Christmas story. A little bit late, but we're having it anyway. Mohammed, thank you, Mohammed. Hey, guys, long time listener, first time emailer, typing this while two-year-old's annoying audio toy powered by Max Day batteries. I don't think we've had a Max Day before.

I'm going to say... You'd think that we would have, but I don't think we have. I'm going to say a new player has entered the game. Being a Muslim, I enjoyed your Christmas story throughout December

and was fascinated by some of the quirky traditions. However, you might be surprised to hear that this pork-free emailer has his own Christmas story, which took place this past December. Let me set the scene. My uncle and auntie, who live in a flat on the beachfront in Durban with their daughter and her four-year-old son Yusuf,

were away on pilgrimage. Upon hearing that, my wife, the aforementioned two-year-old, and I were headed for Durban while they were away. My generous uncle offered us the flat to stay in. Exorbitant peak holiday hotel rate fears quelled. We accepted the offer. The only caveat being that my cousin and Yousef would be there as well as they didn't go on the pilgrimage, turns out.

That was not a problem, and it was all systems go for a big old holiday. Upon arrival, we were warmly greeted at the door by my cousin, placing our luggage down. The corner of my eye caught something. I felt what can only be described as an internal mini heart attack in plain sight of everyone most heart attacks are internal

I mean it's the heart is inside the body if it's external all bets are off you're fucked if you're listening to this and your heart isn't inside your body

I mean keep listening because we add impressions but go to the hospital go to the don't get run over like Jamie M it could be congenital sometimes they're born outside the ribs.

I'm imagining in my brain. If you're old enough to have a podcast app, you'll know that. What's this wart on my chest? It's your heart. Yeah. It's pulsing. Yeah, basically, I had a heart attack.

A little mini heart attack. A little heart attack. I felt what could only be described as an eternal mini heart attack. In plain sight of everyone stood a Christmas tree, complete with decorations and presents underneath. I was shocked to say the least especially because my uncle and aunt are very strict

when it comes to religion. Not wanting to be rude since we were the guests in the flat I decided not to inquire. My wife on the other hand had no such reservations in pointing out the elephant

in the room. Ignoring my frantic facial expressions candidly asked what's up with the Christmas tree? Right. They're in the wrong flat. That now all too familiar internal mini heart attack returned.

I feared the question would cause offence and we would be kicked out and left to fend for ourselves on the dangerous streets of Durban or even worse, those exorbitant hotels I alluded to earlier. Thankfully, the question was met with a giggle and a calm response. No, it's for Yusuf. Apparently, he watches a lot of TV and got caught up in the Christmas hype and insisted on a tree and presents to open up on Christmas morning, which is just lovely. That's amazing. I breathe a sigh of relief, but one question still nagged me. What about your parents? I asked.

To which he replied, no, it's just for this year because they're away and they won't find out. Imagine finding like a little bit of tinsel. You said secret Christmas. It'd be like at the end of Home Alone where they find the little Joe Pesci's gold tooth on the floor. Yes, beautiful. Yeah, it's just for this year.

And then to make sure Yusuf was on board with the story added, right Yusuf, little Ben? To which he replied, yes, next week, next week can only have Christmas when grandma and granddad are dead. Yusuf laying down the...

Out of the mouth of babes. Laying it down. Hope you enjoyed that Muslim Christmas story Keep up the fantastic work guys Cheers Thank you for that Mohammed Cheers Mohammed

I didn't actually have the name But it is Mohammed Because I remembered it Well done mate Thanks for letting us know about that What about this from Ben Who I mean basically

I'm just going to preface this By saying Will the Woodlice chat Never end I hope Hopefully it will Because your story That kicked it off was fucking boring.

First of all, the eye-catching email from Ben starts like this. Remote batteries. Thunderbolt Magnums? I mean, that's combining two. Is that a cut and shut? Is that half a Thunderbolt, half a Magnum? Half a battery. Yeah, it's half a Magnum ice cream and a battery shoved on the end of it like a flake.

Magnum condoms? Are they the bigger ones? Or am I thinking of Trojans? Trojans, yeah. Double bluff. Sorry, yeah. Ben says, your discussion of wood lice

in a recent episode reminded me that I was in primary school when we used to call them Freddies. Freddies! And build little houses out of Lego for them.

Oh, that's adorable. It's great, isn't it? I grew up, imagine the crunch if you caught on between two Legos. No! It's just bad, isn't it? No. I grew up in the wild you caught on between two leg of it. No. No, it's just bad, isn't it?

No. I grew up in the wilds of Somerset, so it's probably a regional thing, but there have got to be some other great names for them. Later in life, they were generally referred to as Chuggy Bigs, but an old lady in the village called them Grimfy Grumpfers, which is just too complicated. Pissing about. Yeah, you've elongated the name.

It's not even a nickname because it's much longer. Pissing about. Grimfy Grumpfers about Grimfy Grumpfers Grimfy Grumpfers hello at lukeandpeach.com to give us all your wildlife

wildlife woodlice chat I had no idea that when my internal heart attack went in the middle of that

woodlice story where I was thinking this is so boring yeah shouting it to a void we'd still be talking about it now but there we go

here we go it happened butchie boys can't I look here's go here we are it happened Butchie Boys here's another name for them What? Butchie Boys Butchie Boys that's a good life

gang little flick knives little flick knives and their little hands their little claws yeah what have they got

Johnny Johnny this is a long one so strap yourself in I was listening to an early episode when you were chatting about student nights emergency service agitating £10 all youyou-can-drink nights.

Not only can I confirm one such night in the fair city of Leeds, I also write as a survivor of this, an Australian beach bar-themed establishment. I work behind the bar in a lifeguard outfit. I jumped up on a stage in various cheap costumes every so often to dance along to the YMCA or S Club 7. Johnny. You've got to love yourself to do that job

well yeah a little bit you've got to be good looking as well though yeah fair play knock yourself out he says Don't Stop Moving

was his song by S Club 7 which in my opinion still stands up today Don't Stop Moving you've sang completely the wrong melody there not bad Don't Stop Moving do they it turns into a robot for after a while yeah but at. Not bad. Don't stop moving

to the It turns into a robot for after a while. Yeah, but at the end he goes Don't stop moving. That's what it reminds me of. Tell you what.

You're such a Bradley. Don't stop moving baby only wanna drive me crazy. Hey! Out of here brothers. I just thought of that. Out of here brothers. Remember that?

They did a song called Don't Stop. Actually it was called Don't Stop open bracket wiggle wiggle close bracket. I'm wrong there. I wanna see you wiggle it just a little bit about worms that's a different song it's what wood life all right um our 10 pound see you chuggy pig our 10 pound nights

fell on a monday largely to encourage student trade on our quieter evenings as word got out around college around this about this cheap drunken, free for all. You can imagine it got quite popular. 10 pound, all you can drink. Amazing. Are we dating this? No. I think I remember,

I remember in the late 90s, a 10 pound all you can drink night in Millennium and Gosport. Right. It's terrible. And, but even, I mean, I'm 38, so I'm going back away.

I imagine most people listen to this a bit younger. I, I mean, that's the only so I'm going back away. I imagine most people listening are a bit younger. I mean, that's the only £10 night I can remember. After that, all the ones I can remember were £20 a weekend. We must be going back away here. I'd go to a £30. I never stay in one place to take advantage. It's not worth it for you. Yeah, it's not worth it for you.

I reckon this is 1999, I'm going to say. Johnny, get in touch, tell us. It doesn't matter. It does matter. It doesn't matter. The detail's important yes here were the rules

about the £10 night number one a tenner gets you a wristband no drink without a band two no double parking one drink at a time if you look too drunk

no more drink bring your empty back to get another and you can't take drinks on the revolving dance floor revolving? they had a revolving dance floor you can't stop moving. No wonder they played

that song. Oh, exactly. One such memorable night saw me struggling through a bar that was eight deep. Particularly keen to adhere to the no double parking rule, we as bar staff developed a quick check to make sure punters weren't hiding drinks behind their backs while ordering. This was simply asking anyone suspicious to wave at us with both hands after

returning their empties to us. Normally pretty girls didn't get this level of scrutiny and often the rules were bent slightly, but as my manager was playing I know where this is going. I don't know if I want to do this. unnecessarily what I meant by waving both of my hands. Again, she continued waving with just one arm, but this time looking a little bit more shifty. I know where this is going. I don't know if I want to do this. Still waving both of my hands, I then said, I can't give you a drink until you show me both your hands.

And where are you hiding your other hand? Her friend beside her was now shaking his head at me. Wide-eyed, a warning I picked up on too late as he gestured his hand across his neck in the universal sign for, please stop urgently. Oh, no. I knew where that was going still waving with both hands albeit slowly awkwardly to a halt my field of vision spread slightly to the disappointing and shocked faces

of everyone else waiting to be served it's terrible some turned away and went to another bar in disgust some swore one knobhead laughed

turned out I was the only one who couldn't see this quite obvious disability in the throng of queuing drunkards made all the worse in this context by what would have appeared

to be a barman accusing a poor girl of hiding her own detached arm. Yes, poor. Imagine if his song came out that exact moment and he'd jump up on the bar because the bees hadn't realised. Start singing and that's not appropriate, is it? I've fucking done you, love. Don't stop moving, Taylor.

Mortified, I left the bar and later found the girl and her friend to apologise, explaining the genuine mistake. She was okay and she explained it was a bit unlike her to react like that rather than explain. But it was the first time she'd probably been out since the accident that led to her removing her arm and didn't feel as comfortable in what must have been a good 50 people around her. She accepted my apology and we had a bit of a laugh with it when I offered her a free drink to apologise about my clangour. We stayed friends throughout university and she was always served first and allowed to bend the rules from then on. I mean, how could she bend the rules?

She'd have to have two drinks in one hand. Then it's too obvious. So you've, Johnny now in London, well done on abusing a disabled woman. Johnny,

I would, I mean, one thing I would say, good on him for owning up to it and it is an innocent mistake. I think that was lovely. He took us on a journey. Yeah. Bit of shithousery. Agreed. Bit of a nightmare but he got out of it and it is an innocent mistake. I think that was lovely. He took us on a journey.

Yeah. Bit of shithousery. Agreed. Bit of a nightmare but he got out of it and they were still friends at the end of university.

Good to hear. Good to hear. Innocent mistake. It can happen to the best of us. Let's finish up with this from Greg who says,

Hello Luke and Pete. I just found this in my drafts folder from last spring but I wanted to pass on one of my most embarrassing moments. When I was about 14 I went on my first date which my cousin and his girlfriend set up the four of us went out

for the laser tag can i just say that's reminded me instantly when i was about 14 i was set up on a date with my friend me and my friend david and these two girls who were the older girls from my sister's dance school right okay and we were both so nervous neither of us said anything to them all night

oh so you didn't go laser tag I thought there was going to be a laser tag sorry we went to the cinema and then to Burger King nice

cinema's fine because you haven't got to speak Burger King was awkward you shouldn't be speaking while you're eating anyway it's disgusting yeah it's true

that's what I thought it wasn't because I was scared anyone who says I was scared. I was scared. It's a liar. Nobody looks good in laser tag uniforms. And especially after you're sweaty. What do they look like? Well, they're just kind of like big plastic shells over the top, aren't they?

It's key to Greg's story. So the four of them went out for laser tag. Greg says this was probably 2001 and laser tag was basically black light central, by which I think he means UV light. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. As we stood in line, my date noticed

a big glowing stain on my shorts that looked like I had a something about Mary situation going on. I tried my best to convince them

it wasn't what it looked like but I don't think anyone believed me. For the record, it wasn't what it looked like. If you're curious, we dated for a few weeks after that but I was too

embarrassed to ever talk to her and she dumped me over instant message cheers Greg King Greg it can happen to everyone do you remember

your very first date Peter I didn't have jizz in my trousers that's the main thing who knows I didn't go through first date

I remember meeting a girl on the school fields but I was so terribly nervous it wasn't my school fields it was different school fields why a girl on the school fields, but I was so terribly nervous. It wasn't my school fields, it was a different school field. Why were you going on school fields for a date? Well, we just went for a walk around. I think we went to the cinema once, but before that,

I think the first date with a girl, I went, she said, come and meet me over the Burn Valley. The what? The Burn Valley. What's that? It's just a patch of grass. Oh, is that where you met... Near the beck. Hartlepool football man, Michael Brown.

Michael Brown, yes. Yes, okay. Yeah, where we used to play football. So we strolled around there, didn't do anything. She was clearly wanting to do something and I was just so fucking shit scared. How old were you? Probably older than I care to admit on here, I tell you what.

Did you take your top off? I honestly can't remember, but I was probably about 14, maybe. That's all right, 14. Girls are terrified when you're 14. Yeah, 14, walking around. But I'd brought an alarm clock with me. Right.

I had no reason to get back, but I just presumed that my mum and dad might know where I was, that I was, you know, running off with a girl. So you took... Hang on a minute. So I took not even the smallest alarm clock in the house.

I brought a bigger one, and I had it in my back pocket because I didn't have a watch. So I basically was pretending to everyone that I had to get back by a certain time. That is literally alarm bells, but for the girl as well. She's thinking, what is... He's going to get his clock out. Yeah.

You took an alarm clock with you? We occasionally get emails from, like, you know, lads, and it is mainly lads because lasses, I think, have their shit together a bit sooner. Stop saying, I'm a kid, I'm at school or whatever, and, you know, things aren't going well for me and stuff. And I sort of think, you're coming to the wrong people. Because, I mean, certainly for me, I was such an idiot when I was a kid and same and I just I just hope that people realize that

post-school it gets so much better yeah like your brain might not be like like your brain might be the same but the environment just gets better you're just more relaxed yeah I do and I wish it's a universal thing among men and women because if we go that age, boys and girls, because if you listen to Berkhamster Revisited, another one of our shows on the Radio Stakhanov Network,

both the lawyers on that show go through their teenage years, their upbringing and ultimately one thing you realise is both from their experiences

and the people that email in which is both male and female correspondents, everyone feels the same. Everyone's got that anxiety. Even if they outwardly pretend

they're the coolest people around, they're not. Yeah. No one is. It's mad though, isn't it? But don't take an alarm clock out on a date. No.

But that's for me. That's your bare minimum. That's a piece of advice I can give you. Don't take an alarm clock out on a date. That's a piece of advice you shouldn't have

to give someone though. Yeah, I know. You can't mention everything. Yeah. You can't mention everything. You can't mention everything. Don't bring a broom. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Where would you be with that?

Anyway, that's about enough time for this, I think, for Thursday. We'll be back on Monday, of course. If you want to get in touch about any of those subjects, hello at lukeandpeatshow.com. Have a blooming, lovely weekend. I hope the world is kind to you. But if it isn't, you'll always find two friends in the shape of Pete and I every Monday and Thursday on the Luke and Pete Show.

So we'll see you then. Get your clock out. This was a Radio Stakhanov production.