The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 139: Into the Peteverse

Episode Date: February 4, 2019

Good day to you, and welcome back to another instalment of the 182nd most popular comedy podcast in Qatar (yes, really)! It's officially National Sickie Day today, and as a result Pete and Luke talk you through their best tips for phoning in a day off without getting in trouble. We accept no responsibility for what transpires, though...Elsewhere, there's chat about Ted Bundy, dubbing in movies on TV, and more chat about feet, as well as the great Ciaran Judge getting in touch to let us know he's alive and well (at time of recording).To tell us your stories about pulling sickies, or anything else for that matter: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner.

Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. Big wheels keep on turning. Don't know the rest of the lyrics. How you doing? It's the Luke and Pete show. Pete Donaldson with you and Lukey Moore. All right.

On the floor. It's Monday. It is Monday, isn't it? Don't let it get you down. It's a particularly grim day out there. Well. Whoa. Well.

Steady. I've been micro-dancing. I couldn't give a shit. No, hang on. Whoa. Wasn't that Steve Jobs' last words? What were they? Remember that on Facebook?

Like those kind of viral quotes where he sort of talked about, I wish I'd spent more time with my family. I wish I hadn't spent so much time in the boardroom. All bullshit. All he said was wow or wow. Yeah. I can imagine that you've got other things.

Must be the baking soda. Do you remember that advert? I do remember that. Was it Arm & Hammer? Arm & Hammer. If you are from Arm & Hammer, get in touch. Or if you are Armie Hammer, who's had some kind of a renaissance. Has he?

Yeah, he was in, not Blue is the Longest Colour, that's about two lesbians. I'm thinking about the two gay men in, it's the peach eating one. The only film I know him being in is that Fairy Tale movie movie like Snow White or something he's too big

he's like he's like 6 foot 4 and just as wide he's a big old hunk hunk have you interviewed him no but he's just I wasn't going to launch

into a wicked whisper it is Monday the 4th of February yeah you said that through January we have been through January for a few days now and when you said

oh it's very miserable out there, the reason I went, whoa, it's not on this occasion because I'm microdosing. It's because... It's now February. Today is actually National Sickie Day. Oh, yes.

I did read upon this. According to research, the first Monday in February is the worst day of the year for absenteeism with post-Christmas blues, poor weather, and a long wait

for the summer holiday season. Just a few of the factors for absenteeism with post-Christmas blues, poor weather and a long wait for the summer holiday season. Just a few of the factors involved. Any notable sickies you've pulled over the years, Pete? I am useless. My admin is dreadful, but genuinely, I don't ever pull sickies. I think it's, you know, book your holiday in. I'll just say you're not going to do something. But don't just leave people in the lurch.

Yeah, but you don't have a traditional job though. No, exactly. But I've never... But back when you were... I guess I'm sort of thinking about back then. Oh, yeah, all the time, though. I was in my 20s. We got there in the end.

I was in my 20s and I was going to nightclubs at two o'clock on a Tuesday night. Madame Georgios. Yeah. And so you were just... What would be your top techniques? Well, I've always had a pully tum-tum,

so that's always very helpful. Yeah. Yeah, usually a pooly tum-tum, so that's always very helpful. Yeah. Yeah, usually just pooly tum-tum, to be fair. Yeah, I forgot how many seconds I didn't pull when I had an office job. Good point, yeah. Yeah, everyone does that. I mean, my top tip would have been...

When you're salaried, you're not missing out any money, you know what I mean? Exactly. My top tip would have been... Because do you remember... Surely back in the day, you remember having to actually physically

call. So you can't text, no text, you'd physically have to call in. My tactic, my technique always used to be to hang my head back over the bed. Oh, what? So imagine the back was on the foot of the bed

and you're facing the end and hang your head back over. So essentially, you sound like this. I'm sorry. Like that. So it sounds a little straining. Okay. Yeah. And that gives it more authenticity.

Yeah, a bit like that. It gives it more authenticity. But there was one thing. If you're going to put a sickie in the summer, you can't go outside. You can't go the next day with a full tan. Yeah. I've told that story before. Especially if you've fallen sick for hay fever, which I've done before.

Hay fever! Yeah. I've probably told this story before, but a friend used to be the goalkeeper in our football team, went all the way to South Africa, to Johannesburg, big Bruce Springsteen fan. He took a sickie from his job as a teacher. I think he took two days off in the end. Flew there, made sure he covered himself in suntan lotion because it was high summer in South Africa

in Johannesburg, so he didn't get a tan or anything. Watched Bruce Springsteen, flew back. No one was any the wiser. He was like, stomach sort of flew, horrible gastroenteritis or something. And then when he went on the Bruceucespringsteen.com website,

he was literally the front row of the crowd. Yeah, Bruce Springsteen! So if his boss wasn't a Bruce Springsteen fan, he'd have been fine. Exactly. But was his boss? No, I don't think he ever got caught. It was just made me laugh. It was just like, yeah, Bruce Springsteen in Johannesburg yesterday.

That's really interesting because that taps into something I was going to say, which is that when social media came in, then it became a minefield. Oh, massively, yeah. Because if you were someone, I don't really tweet that much now, but back in the day, I used to tweet quite a lot.

So say 10 years ago or whatever. 2am going, I am fucked! Next morning. You can't be like, oh, beautiful day today. Just chucked a sickie so I want to go walk

around the park or something. Because people can see it. They definitely don't do that. Because the problem is the side effect of people essentially broadcasting what they're doing with their life every single day means there's nowhere to hide. Well, also, I guess you couldn't get away with, I read once that Eddie Murphy sends a complete body double

to some Chinese premieres. He looks so much like him that he's just a... Well, like Nutty Professor through the clump. The big fat suit. The big fat suit, yeah. He's got like five different lookalikes on set

when he's doing films. So if you ever see the back of Eddie Murphy's head, he's got a back of the head double. Right. If you ever see his hands, obviously everyone's got a hand double,

but like all his stuff is so weird. So how many scenes does he actually do? Very few, just the front of the face, that's it. It's really, really weird.

Quite an expensive guy to hire then. Yeah, I think he would be anywhere. Well, they'll only front of the face, that's it. It's really, really weird. Quite an expensive guy to hire then. Yeah, I think he would be anywhere. Well, they'll only be on like a return that's like, you know,

100 grand or something, I reckon here. And he'll be on a ridiculous amount. But yeah, he has on occasion, apparently, allegedly sent his lookalike

to premieres in the Far East. The rapper MF Doom, who used to, went through a phase of sending people, because he wears a mask when he performs, sending basically just because he, because he wears a mask when he performs, sending basically just because he's also quite a large man,

sending just a fat bloke to rap. So people would go to watch him. That's a nice classic. And he's one of the best rappers of all time. You know, Danny Kelly, my colleague, calls him one of the finest manipulators of the English language ever. And you go and see him rap and it's just some fat bloke. You can sort of notice pretty early on

I'd imagine that it's not one of the greatest wordsmiths the US has ever produced in the 21st century so you know it catches up

with you sooner or later it was a piece of piss it'll say on his wrist on but if you've if you've pulled a sickie with hilarious consequences

I'm going to say tragic consequences as well hello at lukeandpeach.com, tell us about it. Maybe you got so emotionally invested in the No Doubt album, Tragic Kingdom, which of course has the song Don't Speak on it. Yes.

Maybe you had Tragic Kingdom consequences when you pulled a sickie. Just listen to that album all day. Was that a flick? I mean, it's quite niche, that. Was that a song, No Doubt, about the relationship breakdown of two members

of the band in a Fleetwood Mac style? Yeah, it was the bassist and Gwen Stefani. Apologies to the bassist for not remembering his name, but I think he's well used

to being called the bassist. He's the bassist of Gwen Stefani. But apparently, when they sing it live, they're still, still them, damn it,

as a wrestling fan once said. Well, in a sort of slightly delayed welcome, welcome to the Luke and Pete show. Yes, we'll get on to Gavin Rosdale in a minute. We will, yeah. Yeah, he was on the scene, wasn't he?

He probably had something to do with it, the snake. Previously, we tied up the last of the remaining woodlice slash pillbark slash... The last of international woodlice. Yeah, aka grumpy grampers. We tied up all the last of the remaining thread there. Well, not really, because a guy came in with an email sort of basically saying that he did a little kind of obstacle course for them.

Oh, right. Which I really, really like. It's lovely, isn't it? Isn't that nice? Okay. So now we've put... Now we have. Now we have.

We played an interview on Thursday ahead of Super Bowl Sunday containing many many references to feet and as a correction I heard from plenty of New York Jets fans after last Thursday's show because I said that the Pats beat the Jets

after that but they didn't in fact the Jets won Pats coach Bill Belichick wasn't happy with young Wes either at the time but

not you Wes Pats have put that to bed by winning the Super Bowl last night in quite boring fashion over the LA Rams 13-3 is that why you're sleepy is that

did you stay up and watch it no I fell asleep before the game even started goodo and we found out let me finish we found out your bathroom was about to collapse

has it collapsed no it's fine fine the man came around it was actually a leak so I was wrong now I'm finished I mean

if someone's listened if someone's a fan they'll know what we talked about give people a re- give people a re- Give people a remix. A remix. Give them a Francis Ford Coppola redux.

I thought you'd finished. See, we need stabs. We could have used my last week. I actually do have a stab for that. Do you have a stab for that? How's your weekend been, all right? It's been good. I went to go and see Spider-Man Into the Spider-Verse.

Very good. Very good. I'm a big fan of animation and the way they animated the characters were fascinating. No motion blur used, no computer motion blur used, so they had to be quite creative

about how they used the arm swinging and the leg swinging. Why did they decide to do that? I don't know, just a return to the traditional forms of animation. Like back in the day, to make it look like a hand or an arm or a leg was moving quite quickly, you would sort of draw in a kind of blur. But this time they used little triangles.

Google it. It's amazingly rendered. Oh, it's stunning. It looks beautiful. Have you seen it? No. It's a good movie. And obviously, superhero movies these days

have now had to become superware, sort of self-aware, sorry, because it's such a saturated market now. If you think about how earnest an early Marvel movie was, like Iron Man or the first Spider-Man or whatever, and now you think of the movies that they make sort of post-Deadpool, like Guardians of the Galaxy, this one,

and one or two others, they've become sort of almost meta. Yeah, I think people just got bored of them. But also like comics are quite self-aware and the fact that they do have a universe, they can break the fourth wall. It's very good anyway, I would recommend it.

It's got a bit of a Sin City slash Scott Pilgrim type of vibe. Okay, yeah. It feels a bit like Scott Pilgrim and it looks a bit like what I remember Sin City looked like but that was a long time ago

to be fair a lot of bums and boobs in that though to be fair it's not as dark as that all in black and white and red it's got some great voice actors in it as well

it's got Nicolas Cage in it and Liv Schreiber Nicolas Cage is perfectly cast as well well Nicolas Cage is he was I think he did

suit he did a suit fitting for Superman I remember that he did yeah he did a suit fitting for Superman I remember that he did yeah back in the day yeah those photos leaked didn't they

he looked ridiculous he's wonderfully mad I think we spoke about it before but if we I pre-see everything I say on this podcast I'm sure I've said this before but if you ever go on a tour

of New Orleans he's bought most buildings in New Orleans didn't he almost bankrupt himself yeah I imagine he sold off a few right but there's some disgusting stories about this horrible woman

who murdered all her slaves. And he bought that building because it was the most haunted building in the whole of New Orleans. Right. It were bloody rank. What about you? What have you been up to? I've not murdered any slaves.

I didn't put a steel rod in their head and squeeze it around like that horrible woman. Disappointing. Imagine hearing a tour guide recount that story when you're a bit hungover. Oh, it's depressing. And you've just had your dinner

and you're just like, oh God. Impressive. I watched all of the Ted Bundy tapes on Netflix. That's so funny. You're going to bring that up because I was going to bring something up.

Because I've murdered a lot of women. No, no, no. I was going to bring something to do with Ted Bundy to the table today. TB. You're talking about the documentary series, right?

Yes. Talk to me specifically about how he's portrayed in that. He's portrayed as a highly intelligent, absolute flanner. He's incredibly charismatic to the point where he's actually quite excruciating in court. He presents his own counsel. He overrules his own defence.

He's a nightmare man, but incredibly... But they've really sort of got a big hard-on for him, like saying he's very attractive. Yeah, I've got a real problem with this. Well, you can't deny that his certain magnetism allowed him to do things that other people... I imagine I would be a much less successful murderer, serial killer.

But the main problem with the whole thing is how not joined up the entirety of the dragnet was. He was able to murder so many people in the Northwest and then escape to Florida after his second escape through, he escaped from prison twice, effectively. Once jumping out of a window and once just jumping through a hole in his own cell. He got really skinny and jumped through a hole in the sky.

What are those cells like? They're pretty good. You say that, but have they got any holes in them? One or two holes. It's not a cell then. Not a cell then. No. But he managed to go down to Florida,

get on a flight. Back then, you could fly everywhere without actually giving any ID and stuff. Fly down to Florida and get on a flight, back then you could fly everywhere without actually giving any ID and stuff, fly down to Florida and commit some atrocious murders. The man was a psychotic, bipolar maniac. Yeah, and I don't have a problem per se with a true crime study of him

and lessons to be learned and that kind of stuff. And I personally do find that interesting and I will admit that. My issue is this Ted Bundy movie coming out starring Zac Efron. None of us have seen this film, though. No, I haven't seen it.

No, I haven't seen it, and I'm fully prepared to accept that. But the fact that Efron has been cast is a red flag straight away. Why? Because he's making him out to be the most handsome man ever. And I thought before this film was even announced that his

handsomeness is like overstated i mean what the reality is he was handsome and he was superficially charming and manipulative but most importantly he was a prolific killer of women right and that is that is the most important thing no it doesn't but you can't tell me that ted bundy is as handsome as zack efron no so all of a sudden i know this as Zac Efron. No. So all of a sudden, I know this happens in Hollywood a lot, but all of a sudden we're seeing someone being portrayed automatically as far more handsome. And I imagine when the film comes out, far more charming than he actually was.

I don't know why he has to be portrayed in this way. And I don't know why he has to be portrayed in any way in terms of fiction. And the glamorization of such a man to me feels totally unnecessary. But is this not the natural kind of escalation of the true crime podcast? Yeah, and I think it's wrong.

I think the study of almost like a morbid fascination with crime, I understand, and I think it's probably something that if everyone's honest with themselves unites a lot of people. But, unites a lot of people. But it unites a lot of people for a lot of reasons. And some people

have a morbid fascination with it. But some people are interested in procedural stuff, are interested in lessons that can be learned, are interested in their detective's work. Lots of different reasons, right?

And I get the value of that. To me, with the idea of casting Zac Efron as Ted Bundy in a film, just leave it. You don't need to do it. Well, it'll sell. And the thing that's, I don't want to say that's an excuse, I'm just saying that there's reasons why it's being made.

I understand it'll sell and make money. But the thing that gets me is about his whole tale. I knew nothing of his whole tale. How incompetent and how little the systems were joined up. He could get away with like, just by crossing state lines. I think that's a, that's a common problem in the U S certainly wasn't that era. Cause it's also localized because it is a United States,

right? That's why you, I mean, if you think about it, given that the U S is a sovereign nation, it's crazy that you could commit a crime in one part of the country and be sent to death and commit a crime in another part of the country and not be sentenced to death.

That's mad. Well the whole kind of him dying, him getting sent down and the judge and bearing in mind that the Netflix documentary is way more compulsive viewing simply because the actual trial was filmed by a million different TV

cameras. His whole thing, his trip to the actual the to the actual um death room was was was filmed on that stuff um it was it was a new kind of um trial i think and that it kind of kick-started it was the first time they'd use satellite trucks for example yeah um and that was just interviewing um i mean for for one of a better word hicks um outside the court outside the um prison where he was going to get killed in the end. It's a fascinating story simply because, again, just how little they were joined up, how, you know,

they kind of looked into catching him every single time. They caught him. They looked in his back of his VU Beetle or VU Beetle. VW Beetle, yeah. And he had like a hammer and a chisel and a balaclava. And it's just like, wow, yeah, I see why he got caught. But it was only ever like traffic stops and stuff like that he got caught with.

It's funny, isn't it? Because, well, no, this is funny, but that's a turn of phrase. It's interesting because I talk about the portrayal of someone like Bundy by someone like Efron in a Hollywood kind of way. And I realize I haven't seen the film and I'm complaining about it. But in actual fact, if I'm being totally honest, the line between news and entertainment in the US

is so thin as to be almost non-existent. I mean, the reason all these true crime documentaries on Netflix, Making a Murderer, The Staircase, all that kind of stuff, the reason they're even able to be made is because a Murderer, The Staircase, all that kind of stuff, the reason they're even able to be made is because there is footage, video footage, of every single trial. And every single thing that happens is videoed.

Obviously, it's not like that here. We have to make, do court drawings, all that kind of thing, don't we? So it's not quite as, the line isn't quite as thin. So yeah, it's a fascinating situation. I would be interested in watching the documentary. I'm probably not going to watch the film because I feel quite strongly about it.

I think if you watch, I think the, you know, bearing in mind this man indulges in coprophilia, he indulges in coprophilia? No. Yeah, coprophilia. Oh, you're talking about necrophilia? Necrophilia, sorry.

Coprophilia is something completely different. Well, I wouldn't put it past him quite frankly. You know, chopping off women's heads he got put in the trial one of the major parts of a piece of evidence now not so used quite so much was bite marks and stuff like that that he put on the women

and I can't see that film portraying his crimes it's going to be hard for them to portray those crimes because they are so unbelievably... Well, I hope they don't glamorise it in any way.

I don't think they can. That's why, watching his story, I was sort of thinking, well, they have to kind of concentrate on the caucus. They have to concentrate

on his evasion of the law. They have to concentrate on that part of his life rather than... Bearing in mind, he only admitted to the crimes two days before he was sentenced. Well, it's two days

before he died. He actually admitted what he'd done and where certain bodies were found and stuff like that. It's just watching a man run out of options and run out of opportunities and playing the law as a fucking fiddle for so long and then realising he was all out of options and then just finally just sort of going, right, this is what I did. And then being killed.

All right, let's have a break. What a cunt. Let's have a break. Ted Bundy, what a cunt. We'll come back and talk nothing more of prolific serial killers. You're probably wondering why I'm in a cold, dark room repeatedly spilling molasses.

Always wondering that. Yeah. Always. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com is the email address. We've had a lot of great emails recently, and that is a credit to you, the listener. It's part of the Luke and Pete Show community. You're very welcome within it.

It's a broad church, Pete, but always an entertaining one. What have you got for us, Donny? Auschwitz! Oh, good. Oh, dear. James, it's a horrible story, but I mean, you know, this is a rather depressing story that somehow ruined my faith in humanity I've just promised people

that there would be no more serial killing and now you're coming off the back of the outbreak with Auschwitz literally the biggest one last year my girlfriend and I visited Krakow

and went on a day trip to Auschwitz it is a truly moving experience and I believe everyone should at least learn something about it there's very few of the original buildings

remaining at Auschwitz back now because a lot was destroyed when it was liberated in 1945. One block that still remains was a holding cell for women who were no longer fit to work. Their last stop before the gas chambers, obviously. The inside of this building was covered from ceiling to floor on all

walls with graffiti. Fascinated thinking this was done by the prisoners, I read a few of the more prominent inscriptions only to see some were written in English. Confused, I asked the tour guide if this was an original bit of graffiti. She informed me that it was actually all done by tourists. That's weird.

She went on to tell a story about a time she actually caught an Irishman in the process of carving his name in the wall with a coin. When confronted, he told her, I just wanted to commemorate my visit. I mean, don't do that. I mean, do not do that. Amazing.

I really didn't want my takeaway memories and feeling towards the experience as one of disgust towards the current generation. I mean, there could have been any age, to be honest, James, but yeah. Yeah. I'm interested in your opinions on this and hope it will discourage people

from thinking this is okay. Yeah, never do that. There's a whole subset of men on Grindr in the Auschwitz Memorial in Berlin. Obviously, people sort of tagging themselves in a certain place. Right. Kind of like people kind of looking and actually having one of their pictures. Because it's quite an arty place to take a picture, isn't it?

The Auschwitz Memorial. Right. Those concrete blocks. Yeah, that's right. I do have a problem with that particular memorial because it doesn't really, it says nothing

about what actually went on. Yeah, I think when you are commissioning... A little bit too abstract for me. Fine, no, I think that's a fair point. It's a fair opinion. When you commission an artist to create a mural,

I think you do it with the knowledge of knowing what the artist's work is like. And I guess sometimes it can leave people a bit cold. find a lot of this is slightly different point but i find a lot of modern art quite leaves me quite cold for some reason i don't know i don't really know why i know it's quite a broad thing to say um what what what the problem is for the artist from the artist's point of view probably going to be the most difficult commission he's ever going to get or he or she's ever going to get i don't know who the artist is in that case but he or she is never going to get a more challenging brief than that really are they

no so they've got to they're not going to please everyone of course they're probably limited to the colors they can use the austere nature of what they're going to have to do it's very austere i think i think that's but in many ways that's kind of the point isn't it but if you came down from uh an alien world and sort of looked at that one what does this represent what does this say what does this what does this say about what uh a system perpetrated what a man perpetrated i think no i'm not an art critic but i suppose it does portray the coldness of it and the almost impersonal nature of the indiscriminate way people were killed and all that kind of thing,

I suppose they would argue. I don't know. I'm not an artist. I'm not an art critic. I'm not an expert in that field, but I do take your point. I'm going to raise the humour, Pete. Humour!

It's a very dark start to the week and we should leave these types of shows for Thursday normally. It's already National Sickie Day because people are already so depressed about the year. They're sick in their droves. No one can work.

Everyone's at home. Duvet over their head. I've got some news for you. Listeners. Kieran judge. No, I haven't. Kieran judge is alive and well.

Yay. Kieran judge. He, uh, if you haven't heard this story, go back and listen to it. It's about four or five episodes ago. Kieran judge says,

I just wanted to thank you for reading out my email regarding my cash-related dilemma involving Mr. Whippy, and I can confirm that I'm alive and well. Pete Donaldson was supposed to block his name out and didn't do so. Sorry, mate. He's okay, though. He says, as an aside, I would like to say thank you to Luke. I reached

out to him a few years ago, as I am a Ramble listener, for some pointers on how to get started in blogging and podcastinging and he very kindly took the time to reply and offer encouragement and advice see i'm not a terrible person all the time despite what some people may say he says i write for a couple of blogs without much success um but it's something i really enjoy i'm really pleased for all of you that your various shows are doing so well and long may it continue i just wanted to mail in gratitude in case i end up swimming with the fishes following my not so anonymous email um all the best i want to go really yeah murdered by the uh poor administrative continue. I just wanted to mail in gratitude in case I end up swimming with the fishes following my not-so-anonymous email.

That's how we all want to go, really. Murdered by the poor administrative nous of a podcaster. And I want to update my announcement just to Kieran Judge is alive and well at time of recording. I mean, by the time this comes out, it's an hour before recording and out, so we don't really know.

He's probably looking over his shoulder every five minutes, but that's the new life he's got to live now. Exactly. He's not the guy who wrote that book Gamora. He's got to move house every ten days. It's good to have the heart pumping and the blood pumping around your body because you're just constantly, your adrenal gland is going. Hello to Kaisa.

Hello, Kaisa. I think Kaisa's name is spelled slightly differently, but I think Kaisa has helped us by changing her name to something different well she can't take chances with you on the edit buttons could she

hi guys following on from your extensive discussion about cruisers I just wanted to let you know my mother-in-law has a friend who at the ripe old age of 75

has decided to taste life on open waters for the first time in her long and sheltered life. She's never before been on a cruise, nor has she undertaken any sort of extended or adventurous kind of travels. And now she's decided

for some baffling reason to go on a four-month cruise with her husband. Four months. 120 days. Suck on that. Whoa, that is a long time. That is a long time. she's gone from 0 to 60 in very little time there hasn't she

she's cutting all the middlemen that's like she started a band playing Wembley Stadium I'll be blooming astonished if she doesn't offer herself to Neptune

before the season my grandad's actually going on a cruise on his own in March he's 87 nice yeah he's looking forward to it I think that'll be fun um what about

this front arm Matt who says hi Luke and Pete, driving on the school run this morning, the radio was playing Alanis Brosset's One Hand In My Pocket. And I had a panic

as it reached the I'm weak but I'm chicken shit line. Don't judge me for knowing that. Literally everyone my age only listened to Jagged Little Pill for a whole year

in the 90s. You had enough! It's a great record in my opinion. Will she go down in your theatre, Luke? Peter! What? That's one of the lyrics. I didn't know it's a great record in my opinion would she go down and you in a theatre Luke Peter what

that's one of the lyrics I know it is from you ought to know don't put that on me would she go down and you in a theatre I never know whether it's a good thing

or a bad thing do you want that or do you not want that she doesn't make it clear she doesn't make it clear which is a good thing by the way she should have said who doesn't want to enjoy

great art well that's going on I speaking of Alanis and you can get back the email because you've stopped the show

so you're not going to be continuing so I'll stop because you're in one I'm letting you get on with it I last week during my radio show 11 o'clock every night

we play three tracks in the 90s the absolute radio 90s and I popped downstairs to make myself a cup of tea green ginger

no caffeine and I put my hand in the... Yeah. Oh, no, I was making rye veeta as well, and so I needed a knife to spread the butter on, and I put my hand in the drawer, and I pulled out three spoons, one after the other. Oh, alarmist.

So 90s. If you carried on, it would have got to 10,000. Who put spoons in the knife drawer? And all you needed was a knife. Idiot. It clearly says knives on the drawer, so grob. But you're still alive, Kieran Judge. And anyway, back to Matt.

He says, by the way, that was a very worthy digression. I enjoyed it. I'm sorry. However, I was pleasantly surprised and amused to hear that the line had been dubbed as chicken shizzle. Oh. Or something like that. It got me thinking of other awesome sweariness being dubbed, including Samuel L. Jackson once exclaiming,

I have had it with these monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane. Monkey-farting snakes. Monkey-fighting snakes. Oh, fighting snakes. Although this seems a very random topic, I couldn't help but think this would be right in your wheelhouse, especially Pete being a very sweary little man himself.

Uh, fuck off. Maybe Pete could take some tips to not offend the one dissenting listener who is definitely still listening by the way fuck off you can't anyway love the work you both do

my current favourite podcast is Wrestle Me though and I don't listen to On The Continent so make of that what you will thanks Matt you let yourself down at the end there

just want some army so the one I can think of is in the film Aliens where Sigourney Weaver's character Ripley is with a load of marine marines US marines space mar with a load of marine marines

US marines space marines a load of marine animals yeah he's with like a couple of seals a blue whale and they're like

how's the blue whale going to fight off these aliens he hasn't even got any grip for the weapons and also above water he collapsed

under his own body weight it just doesn't seem that practical is that true he needs the buoyancy if they lived on a... Yeah, if an animal that size exists outside the water, it'll collapse.

Imagine how much ambergris they'd... I just want some ambergris, Luke. Imagine what? I want some ambergris. What is that? It comes out of a well, doesn't it? Oh, does it? You may have to have him out of it.

So in Aliens, the Space Marines, they are with Ripley and one of them sort of... Believe it or not. Yeah, one of them sort of ponders about why Ripley's actually there and she's like have you seen this have you seen this museum

it's amazing it's like the world's tallest man in it no and she says oh she's seen an alien and that's why she's there for experience so one of the marines

says oh apparently she saw an alien once and the line is whoopee fucking do right but on the ITV dub back in the day I remember this

like it was yesterday, it was dubbed to whoopie for her. Whoopie for her. Yeah. Is that like Nathan for you? Whoopie for her. So there's one to get you started.

Hello at lucanpeach.com if you want to chip in with your own. Whoopie for her is definitely one. I can't think of one off the top of my head, but it's like Kimo Sabe, Mother Funster or something.

Oh yeah, it's the yippee-ki-yay Kimo Sabe. Kimo Sabe. Yeah. I wonder what Kimo Sabe means. Funster or something. Oh, yeah. It's the Yippee-Ki-Yay Kimo Sabe. I wonder what Kimo Sabe means. There you go. What have we got here? Hello to... Oh, yes, Kieran Smith.

Hello, Kieran Smith. Do we... Kieran Smith is the one I mugged off? No. Is everyone who listens to this show called Kieran? I think possibly. Kieran Smith. Kieran Judge is the man that's on death row.

Okay. Because of your actions. Whose life is a ticking time bomb. Yeah. Hello, Kieran Smith. Hi, Logan Pete. Hi, gents. Two highs.

I was really happy to hear you talk about foot fetishes recently because I finally have something to contribute. Oh, Kieran, you've come back. Here we go. My best friend's ex-girlfriend was a lovely girl.

She occasionally came out with some very funny moments. Once. Best friend's best girlfriend's funniest moments on ITV yeah presented by

who would it be presented by it would be presented by you would audition for the gig not get it get the voice over who would actually do it who's the one who does the catchphrase

new catchphrase oh what is his name Stephen Stephen Mulhern him he'd do it my best friend's best girlfriend blah blah blah

once the topic moved on to feet she announced oh I have a foot fetish I do I have a foot fetish I do. I got a foot fetish I do. We all smiled, no judgment here. Her boyfriend wrinkled his face up and says, no, you don't. What are you talking about?

She responded that she did have a foot fetish because she absolutely hated feet. She'd gone through her life thinking fetish meant a hit for something, and had casually told many people that she had a foot fetish. Because there's nothing, because foot fetish is weird hit for something and had casually told many people that she had a foot fetish. Because there's nothing... Because foot fetish is weird enough to sort of...

No further questions. I don't want to know more about this. So you went, oh, I've got a real foot fetish, mate. My sister hates feet. Yeah. If you walk around bare feet in her house or get your feet anywhere near her, she goes mad about it.

She hates it. Yeah. I don't know why. I mean, yeah. It's very disrespectful, isn't it? Is it? What? I would not get into

this take your shoes off type business again. It's very disrespectful of you to wear your muddy shoes in my house, but you still do it. Not muddy.

I always use the map correctly. Why put them out there? We're not getting into it. It's fine. I remember being on a Eurostar and my little Al

was asleep. He said he hated me, but I've always known him as little Al. Have you got another friend called Al who's big? Yeah. I've got a big Al and a little Al was asleep. He's the same height as me, but I've always known him as little Al. Have you got another friend called Al who's big? Yeah, I've got a big Al, little Al. And I put my foot inside. He was sort of asleep and I put my foot in his mouth.

Why would you do that? Because I wanted to take a picture. And he woke up and I've never seen him more annoyed. He was absolutely furious with me. I'd be annoyed. Oh, he was so angry. I think I might take a him more annoyed. He was absolutely furious with me. I'd be annoyed. Oh, he was so angry. I think I might take a swing at you.

Did he take a swing at you? No. Why not? Back it up, little Al. I'm not that kind of friend. Back it up. He just liked it, really. He's got a full face.

He got really mad with you, really angry. And the only thing that punctured the tension was you noticing the ad in the direction. A little tentpole at the same time. There we go. Disgusting. We always end this show on inappropriate erections. And today is no exception.

Thank you very much for being involved, listening, emailing, tweeting, at Luke and Pete Show. Email, of course, is hello at lukeandpete.com. Tell us what you think about pulling sickies. Tell us what you think about the Auschwitz memorial. Tell us what you think about Ted Bund.com tell us what you think about pulling sickies tell us what you think about the Auschwitz memorial tell us what you think about Ted

Bundy yeah tell us what you think about all of it we'd love to hear from you and we'll see you again on Thursday where we'll be welcoming in the weekend with

gusto I'd have thought welcome him in the weekend say goodbye Peter goodbye Peter goodbye Luke Luke. This was a Radio Stakhanov production. I can't speak properly today.