The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 142: Brexit fondue

Episode Date: February 14, 2019

It's Valentine's Day! So that means Luke and Pete are getting very romantic. Pete's even found a novel way of making hollandaise sauce, and he's even stopped using his oven as storage. We also take time to observe Galentine's Day, as made popular on Parks and Recreation and Singles Awareness Day, thus making sure that literally no-one is left out on the most romantic day of the year. We are such team players...Elsewhere, we hear about monkeys, fireworks, Pete's idea of stepping a night in up a notch, and of course all your correspondence. ***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Shut your fat mouth and open your little ears. Pete Donaldson and Luke Moore here for the Luke and Pete show on Valentine's Day. A romantic start to Valentine's Day, our Valentine's Day special. Put it in there. Yeah. Yeah. Don't do that. Don't start the show with that, mate.

It is. It's like a selection box of insult there. Yeah. Yeah. Don't do that. Don't start the show with that, mate. It is. It's like a selection box of insults. I'm opening them up. You've got your selection box of insults for Valentine's Day. It's like love hearts, but negative. Love hearts, yeah, but negative. Yeah. Get your hair cut, dickhead.

So you've opened them up. Get your hair cut, dickhead. That's the one I've just had. That's the one. I've got one here for you. Yeah. Fuck off, smelly. Fuck off, smelly.

Yeah. I'm quite smelly, Dev. Sort your personal hygiene out. Is personal hygiene a barrier to a successful Valentine's Day, Pete? Depends on what you're doing. If you want to do the old classic cinema manoeuvre

where you put your arm around a lady, you don't want to introduce that move with a big guff from your underarms into her nizzle. A big armpit guff. Yeah, exactly. You don't want to do that. You're doing that one.

Can you do that? Could you ever do that when you were a kid? Should I give it a go? You do it. You can do it. No, I've never. I don't think I've tried that. Your shirt's very tight.

No, you can't do it. That was dirty. Pete's trying to put his hand under his armpit and do the old farting sound. Can't do it. It's not working. But, I mean, personal hygiene would not be an issue if it was, for example, a Skype date.

Well, steady, steady. Well, this modern love. A Skype date. Modern love. What, do you just sit there with, like, a Skype date. Well, steady, steady. Wow, wow. This modern love. A Skype date. Modern love. What, do you just sit there with like a candle on each end and go in having a bit of bolognese? Grandad. What do you do?

What's a Skype date? Well, we're not... Straight to wanking. Is that what it is? Right, that's enough from you. We're a minute and a half in. You said Skype dating. It's got to end somehow.

Has Horsegate taught you nothing? It's got to end somehow. horse gate taught you nothing it's got to end somehow if they hadn't closed the gate are all your romantic liaisons purely transactional purely transactional

I can just imagine you being turfed out of a restaurant on Valentine's night a woman in tears or a man and you say

it's got to end somehow it's got to end somehow it's either tears or love making sometimes both sometimes both

sometimes both what's the sketch Donny what are your plans for Valentine's Day this year what's the sketch come on Donaldinho not a lot really no

I don't know fire up the oven take the storage out of it first take the stuff out of it first I'll have you know that it's no longer used as storage because I did use it to melt some cheese in a terracotta bowl. Listen, Brexit means Brexit.

That's all I'll say. So for people listening who haven't perhaps, who aren't Luke and Pete Show completists, to bring them up to speed, your oven previously being used as an extra cupboard is no longer being used as storage because you used it specifically to melt some cheese over a terracotta pot.

Yes. So I melt some cheese, but then I realised I didn't have anything to dip it in. I had one solitary cracker. This is like a Brexit fondue. It's a Brexit fondue. One solitary dusty old cracker,

which I dipped in. And I said to myself, no, Pete, it's Friday night and you deserve better. So I went in. And I said to myself, no, Pete, it's Friday night and you deserve better. So I went downstairs. So you took your trousers off, relaxed, and then ate it.

And so I bought myself some chili heatwave Doritos and they just, to be honest, it wasn't enough cheese for chili heatwave Doritos and then I just ate Doritos. Sorry, can I just say.

It's been a whole weekend eating crisps. You upgraded your Friday evening by saying to yourself you deserve better and the upgrade consisted of a packet of Doritos.

Chilli heatwave. Chilli heatwave is a good flavour. We were talking about where crisps and snacks ends and it's always a very tedious debate but

I was saying how much I love Pringles because there's a dill pickle flavour of Pringles and I very much want to try it. So I took a picture of some dill pickle

Pringles, sent it to Pete and said look I'm not having this this is filthy. And he replied saying I love it wanted to try it. So I took a picture of some dill pickled Pringles, sent it to Pete and said, look, I'm not having this, this is filthy. And he replied saying, I love it, my favourites. Pringles are my favourite, crisp, and I'd love to try that flavour. And to me, Pringles aren't a crisp. I know it's tedious, but they're not.

Well, they're not, it's just sweeping, isn't it? Sweeping's all smashed together. Sweeping's pressed into a high-pressure pressing. There's a woman on the internet who recreates kind of weird stuff, like, I don't know, famous cereals or famous candy. She tries to make her own artisanal but identical versions of things like Doritos, things like Pringles.

Oh, Jaffa Cakes are a popular one. You can do your own Jaffa Cakes. Yeah, but when you're not doing them on an industrial scale, it's actually quite hard to make it taste exactly the same. So she's going off the ingredients on the back and she, on a physical, on a chemical level, trying to recreate the flavours by reading the back of the packet and trying to go that way.

But watching her try and make just weird stuff like M&Ms and certain kinds of cereal is actually quite mesmerising. There's so much process that goes into it. Absolutely. And I don't think it's going to be even technically possible to recreate a Jaffa cake, for example, exactly. Because, you know, the ingredients, I've got the ingredients list in front of me here.

I mean... There's no food there, is there? It's just all dust. It's all dust from different bags smashed together. Emulsifiers, including soya lecithin, E476. You know, where do people... I don't know about you, where do you shop for your acidity regulator?

Exactly. It's impossible. I used to do that when I was a kid, try and find something I liked and then try to recreate it from the things that looked like that thing in the cupboard in a similar kind of way. Oh, I like chocolate.

What's in the chocolate? Well, this, this and this. Oh, that's white powder. Let's put it in there. It didn't make any sense. I can't remember how far I got along, this and this. Oh, that's white powder. Let's put it in there. It didn't make any sense. I can't remember how far I got along with

any of this. Let's forget about all this. Just enjoy a frozen sausage. Just chow down on a little fro-fro. So we are spending

at least some of this romantic day together. Yeah. Do you want to take the opportunity to tell me how you feel about me on

this Valentine's Day? You're all right. It's pigs and troughs, isn't it? Like any relationship? I think so, yeah. You've got to learn to take the rough with tell me how you feel about me on this Valentine's Day? You're alright. It's pigs and troughs, isn't it? Like any relationship. I think so, yeah. You've got to learn to take the rough with the smooth. You've got to learn to have some of your own hobbies.

Enjoy your own personal time. My personal hobbies is not being with you. Is that right? Yeah. But in many ways, you and I, it's been one of the most defining relationships. It's been. I've known one of them for a while. We haven't.

It's been one of the most defining relationships of your life surely because we've worked together consistently for like over 10 years now it's longer than any other relationship I've had yeah

that's depressing and me I think yeah and me wow and we see each other probably more than you've seen some

girlfriends in the past correct three times a week at least yeah I see the ones out in the far east my kids

yeah and there's probably as many arguments as there is in the proper relationship as my kids. Yeah. And there's probably as many arguments as there is in the proper relationship as well. So, you know. We never thought of Skype arguing. Skype wank? No.

By the way, also, yesterday was Galentine's Day, made famous by the TV company. Kevin Gallen. Made famous by former QPR striker Kevin Gallen. Galentine's Day. No, it's from Parks and Rec, the American comedy series featuring,

what's her name? What is her name? She's called Leslie Knope in the show. Why are you in my head? I think Rosa Parks. It's nothing to do with Rosa Parks.

She is called Amy Poehler. Amy Poehler. And obviously Chris Pratt, who's gone mad now, but used to be a pretty likeable chap. Has he gone mad? Yeah.

Why? John Weil and them churches, hasn't he? I thought he was always into that kind of thing, isn't he? I thought he was always into that kind of thing, wasn't he? He was a shooter. He was a man who hunted.

But this week, Pete, he's been involved in, and I am going to use the word, a spat. A spat. Okay. Ellen Page about his church's attitude towards LGBT people and stuff.

Anyway. We've all had those friends. But I quite like the idea of Galentine's Day because some of us have got those friends now quite like the idea of Galentine's Day because we've all got some of us have got those friends now. Galentine's Day

is for women to appreciate other women so don't be in hock to worrying about what men think about you or having a boyfriend. Just take your time to appreciate your mates.

I think it's a really nice sentiment. I think men could do it well. I don't know what we call it. Fallentine's Day. Fallentine's Day. Fallas. Yeah, Fallentine's Day.

Sounds a bit like Valentine's Day. Sounds like Jimmy Fallon. He could front it. He could front it, dressed in a big penis outfit. In Japan, on Valentine's Day, the men do not give the women presents. The women give the men presents.

And in a month's time, I think it's called White Day, and the men give the presents to the women. Interesting. Interesting, mother. Different approaches. A different approach. And I think it's called White Day, and the men give the presents to the women. Interesting. Interesting, mother. Different approaches. A different approach. And I think Valentine's Day now,

I've been big on the days recently, I think Valentine's Day now is also, of course, Singles Awareness Day. Oh. A day set up to acknowledge that not everyone is in a relationship. So basically, we're in a society now where we have to make sure that no one, and I do mean no one, is left out. Yeah. And that's what this is trying to do. that no one, I do mean no one, is left out.

Yeah. And that's what this is trying to do. It's hard. By being obsessed with one particular thing and not letting anyone, and not leaving anyone out, are you letting yourself out? Yeah, so what?

It's kind of hard. You're constantly thinking about not leaving anyone out. Are you leaving yourself out by taking yourself out of the moment? Yeah. There was a

wedding ad bricks come in soon guys don't they there was a wedding recently and it was on the internet

and basically there was this woman decided that she wanted every married woman to turn up to her wedding

in their wedding dress which I thought that's quite a nice idea and I thought that's double bad for the singles in the room, isn't it? Or the divorcees or the widows. Can you just go over that again?

There was a wedding that was on the internet and what? There was a wedding on the internet. Well, there was a wedding in real life that I saw through the internet, as I've seen most things, where the bride insisted that every single married woman turned up in her own wedding dress. Because women, they have their wedding dresses in their loft and they never get used again, or they get given to charity.

So everyone turned up and everyone looks wonderful. But it's a big no-no going in white to someone else's wedding. Is it? Yeah, well, she wanted it in this case. I suppose if it's come from her. I think she was in purple, actually. Shall we not? She just wanted to stand out more, I guarantee. I'm alternative. My wife didn't. Mimi didn't wear a white dress in purple, actually. Shall we not? She just wanted to stand out more. She wanted to guarantee.

I'm alternative. My wife didn't. Mimi didn't wear a white dress and I wouldn't have. My friend had sex in hers with a future fuck buddy. What? Why do you have to do this?

Not Mimi's dress. Why do you always have to do this? Why? You scrape under the fingernails of the... Just saying. She got a bit of use out of it. Of the debauched.

Yeah. You are a man on this day of romance, as you so eloquently put that. I just know a lot of women who are promiscuous. Every time you do this, every time. I wish I knew more men. They might give me some tips. Listen, this is a day of romance.

You are a man who I think, in my mind... Has it in him. No, in my mind, you are a man. You can disavow me, this is all you like. I'm just setting the premise up. You are a man who is almost like one foot in the dating game, one foot in the happy single, I'm happy being single kind of game, and one foot...

The rest of me is pure leprosy. No, another foot, because you've got three feet in this analogy. Okay. You just have a look at what's going on. You just keep an eye out. Right. Can you tell, can you break hearts all over the world today by declaring that at some point you are going to marry someone and you're going to be taken off the market?

Well, you don't have to be married, do you? No. Is that the only thing that's keeping you honest, sunshine? I love being married. That ring on your finger. I love being married. Dirty boy. Well, yeah, I'm sure you would.

Yeah. Sort of walk in and go, hello, wife. Yeah, that's what I do. You look lovely today. That's what all of our conversations are like. In your wedding dress. Someone once described married life, and I think this is funny. Someone once described married life as two people asking each other what they want to

eat for dinner until one of them dies. Yeah, I think I'd probably be that right. And that is like 90% of the conversation you have. What are you doing for dinner tonight?

What are you going to do? Are you cooking or am I cooking what we have? What did we have yesterday? What are we going to have tomorrow? I'd like to cook more. Or we're going out

or whatever. I'd like to cook more. I like cooking. Well, take all that shit out your oven then. I like cooking because I made my own

not bechamel sauce as it's called. What do you put on Eggs Benedict? Hollandaise. Hollandaise. I made my own, not bechamel sauce, what is it called? What do you put on eggs benedict? Hollandaise. Hollandaise. I made my own Hollandaise last week in a... That sounds like it could have gone wrong.

In a bullet. What do you call it? Magic bullet? What do they call those? Nutri-bullet. Nutri-bullet. You made Hollandaise in a Nutri-bullet. Yeah.

A lot of butter. I reckon that Nutri-bullet... People ask me why I like doing this show. Why would you do a show with Pete Donaldson? Why, when we first started it, why is this a good idea? It's a posh food processor. I should have said back then, because he's the kind of man who makes hollandaise sauce in a Nutribullet.

I'm the kind of man who puts butter in a Nutribullet. Yeah. If you can't serve me now, then you sure will. It's like 10,000 Nutribullets. All you need is an adequate food processor. I bet the Nutribullet looked at me putting all that butter in and gone, this isn't what I'm built for. So what did it taste like?

All right, it was all right. Bit of lemon juice. What was the process? I didn't have any cayenne pepper. What was the process? What do you mean? You just stick it all in there and press a button. Egg yolk.

Well, you don't press a button. You jam down a Nutribullet. If you'd ever Nutribulleted anything in your life sunshine. I've not used one. You sort of put it in a pot and then jam the knives in it and then put it down, push it down, like you're trying to drown someone.

Yeah. And it goes... And then you've got hollandaise sauce and then ready for the poached eggs. All right. So you're a man who makes hollandaise in a Nutribullet.

Yes. Before we end this section and go to an ad break and talk about some emails, if you could give some budding, romantic, some young people, I don't know,

people who aren't that experienced in the world of love, if you could give some budding, romantic, some young people, I don't know, people who aren't that experienced in the world of love, if you could give them some romantic advice on this Valentine's Day, Pete, what would you say? 250 grams of butter, three egg yolks. How to make a long egg. Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner.

Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. I will make a long load of sauce.

250 grams of butter, three egg yolks is the key to life. A long, happy and fulfilling life. A bit of lemon juice if you're feeling, well, you need lemon juice, but for crying out loud, don't miss out on the lemon juice. If you're feeling acidic. This is normally traditionally the part of the show where people who have emailed in

to hello at lukeandpeach.com get their missives read out by us. And I'm going to be honest with you, Pete Donaldson, this episode's no exception. Yes. Remember last week, or was it Monday? I think it was Monday. I talked about people wearing high-vis

jackets that imitate being police officers on motorbikes. Politeness, please, or something like that. And you didn't think it existed, but it does. And Sam Cowan has been in touch and says, it was Monday's episode because Sam reliably informs as it is.

You mentioned on Monday's episode that jackets that bike riders often wear that imitate the police. My girlfriend owns a pony. And I have noticed other people that are stables wearing these exact same jackets while riding their horses. It irritated me. And I wondered, why isn't it illegal?

I'm glad it isn't just me. It finds these things annoying. I didn't say I found them annoying. Right, hang on. So these guys are on horseback wearing these Be Polite police copied jackets. Yeah, because they think they're going to be police

officers on horseback, I suppose. Oh. So they slow down, so they don't drive fast past the horse. Oh, I just, yeah, but I just thought, maybe, just maybe, they were originally an equine discipline and the motorbike people thought I just, yeah, but I just thought, maybe, just maybe, they were originally an equine discipline and the motorbike people thought, oh, let's have

a bit of that. Because horses legitimately, you shouldn't really drive close to a horse. I agree. You should give them a bit of a wide berth. I agree.

Absolutely. And I think that's the point Sam's making in terms of why it's done, but he's saying it annoys him. It doesn't annoy me, Sam. Oh, it doesn't annoy him about the horse people wearing it.

It annoys him about the bike people wearing it. No, no, it annoys him. It doesn't annoy me, Sam. Oh, it doesn't annoy him about the horse people wearing it. It annoys him about the bike people wearing it. No, everything annoys him. Yeah, he's very annoyed. He also ends this email by saying, I had a crippling fear of horses until I met my girlfriend. And while I'm still

not very good with them... Is she a horse? It has certainly improved. So I thought this might be a useful vein for the podcast to look into. Namely, what fears or phobias have partners helped people with?

I quite like that. Hello at LukeandPete.com, have you been helped over a phobia or a fear by a partner or a friend or a loved one and how it happened? And hopefully we can get Pete over his phobia of cooking. I think that if your partner doesn't improve you in some way or makes you a better person or at least makes you want to be a better person in certain ways you've done that for me you've done it wrong you've made me realize i don't have to be quite so organized about everything all the time yeah because you just fly by the seat of your pants and everything i do and these pants are various colors you you

are a man who will you know for example i don't know if you've actually done this but it's definitely the sort of thing you you sort of allude to doing where i don't know if you've actually done this but it's definitely the sort of thing you sort of allude to doing where I don't know we'll go and do like a live show in front of a theatre audience of a thousand

and you'll be perfectly content to you know throw caution to the wind and suggest we do the show with no sound check with some mics that you've bought for 12 quid

from Maplin's or something yeah you'll do that won't you love will find a way love will tear us apart is what it'll do at the end of the day, I get to go on Mapland twice

to complain about the quality. Rest in peace. Rest in peace. Got an email from Romeo Cruz. Cruz. Romeo Cruz. An amalgamation

of the Beckhams kids. Yeah, weird. Hey chaps, Romeo here. Emailed this in a week or so ago and didn't hear back. I thought I might try again. That old passive-aggressive chestnut.

Because I do genuinely believe you'll love this story. Don't worry, if you didn't read it out this time, I'll stop. Oh. Actually, I think I did circle this to be read out, but I think we're out of time, so up yours, Romeo Cruz. The email on that show about the guy doing LSD while watching the documentary that Luke suggested made me write this email.

I'd been meaning to for a while, but this gave me the perfect opportunity to tell the story. In Australia, over New Year's, instead of going to a house party like you guys do in England, we have three or four day festivals over New Year's.

I guess the weather's nice, isn't it? The first three days were fantastic. The music was great and I was having a great old time with all my mates. However, the fourth night, New Year's Eve, was an interesting one. My mates decided that it was New Year's party.

It was New Year's. They were going to do MDMA. Four days of partying? Yeah, man. And on the fourth day, New Year's Eve, was an interesting one. My mates decided that it was New Year's party. It was New Year's. They were going to do MDMA. Four days of partying? Yeah, Mark, aren't we? And on the fourth day, doing MDMA. Yeah, they were going to do MDMA, a huge party drug here in Australia. Thanks for the drug news from Australia.

It's pretty big over here too. Having never done any drugs before besides weed, I was hesitant, but after some convincing by my friends that it would make my New Year's amazing, I finally accepted it. I took the cap of MDMA at around 9.30pm just as the Kooks came on for their set. It hit me just as they played their well-known song Naive

and things were amazing. It was truly one of the best experiences of my life. I'm not condoning drugs. You kind of are. Hang on a minute. It was truly one of the best experiences of my life. I'm not condoning drugs. Isn't that one of the most baffling sentences? If you one of the best experiences of my life. I'm not condoning drugs.

Isn't it one of the most baffling sentences? If you can have the best experience of your life watching the kooks, then the drugs have done their fucking... Yeah. Do not listen to Dickie Ashcroft, because I'll tell you what. However, as the night went on and on, we went past midnight.

It started to wear off around 1am. All my friends were keen to keep partying until around 4.30am. Very specific. We can't stop now, because we've decided to party till 4 30 a.m and that to me is non-negotiable when the ubers are booked um when everything wrapped up uh but i figured out an amazing night i didn't want anything to be ruined by staying out longer than i should so i walked back to the tent by myself did he mention he was at some kind of music festival i guess he's just some kind of he said festival all right. Once I got back to the tent,

I realised that I was not going to get any sleep because of the drugs in my system, so I thought I would listen to one of your podcasts. I'd started binging your podcast at the beginning of December and was almost halfway through. What a Christmas. That is no way of bringing the new year. It's Hall of Fame stuff.

It is Hall of Fame stuff. I got about ten minutes into one of your episodes when Luke started to directly say into my ears, how fucking good were the kooks? Before Pete replied, you're in your element, mate. All of a sudden, my heart started racing and I started freaking out as Luke and Pete both started to recount my night

in their typical British voices. I calmed myself down and figured it was just the drugs in my system before. Without no word of a lie, I started hearing the Luke and Pete at shore theme song being blasted from the festival area. I immediately started crying because I had no idea what the fuck this trip was. I started hearing the Luke and Pete show theme song being blasted from the festival area. I immediately started crying because I had no idea what the fuck this trip was.

If this was going to be a message from God that I needed to stop binging the Luke and Pete show before I'd say it for the first time. I walked out of my tent and paced around for five minutes with nobody around me because they were still at the festival. I eventually went back to my tent and figured some music would calm me down. Stop putting your iPod on!

Yeah. Just relax. Do we get extra money for that show? I don't remember doing it. I went to put my headphones in, but I couldn't find my phone. I turned the tent upside down and eventually just gave up.

A couple of hours later, my mate entered the tent with my phone in his hand, saying that I'd given it to him before I went back to the tent because I didn't trust myself with it. The next day I woke up and realised that my brain had imagined its very own Luke and Pete Shaw special, and realised that my brain had imagined its very own

Luke and Pete show special and I had my earphones in connected to nothing as I freaked out over U2 recounting my night. Yeah. So he hadn't even started listening to the Luke and Pete show.

No. He'd just put his headphones on. Just imagined it. And imagined it. That is a great business model. Well I'm annoyed because we didn't get the downloads. No it's true.

But if we can get people yeah it's true it wouldn't work. I was going to say if we could find a way of getting listeners to plug their headphones into nothing and just imagine us doing a show, it'd save us a lot of work, wouldn't it? Yeah, he says,

I can still feel a tingle go through my spine every time I listen to another episode and hear the starting song. Love the podcast, keep the good work. Roll me up. That's just the quality of it. I mean... Listen, there are people out there

having experiences, mate. Having experiences. Experiences that you wouldn't believe. Off your chuff on P.R.A., imagining you're listening to a Luke and Pete show. Attack trips off the shoulder of Orion. Incredible. Or Luke and Pete show blasts out.

Incredible. That truck just not do that. Right, let's talk about monkeys and fireworks. All right, then. Amy in North Carolina says her batteries are golden power super made in China. Howdy. Howdy, y'all. They don't say that in North Carolina. That's more golden power super made in China. Howdy. Howdy, y'all. I don't say that in North Carolina.

That's more of a Texas thing, I think. Put those batteries in my gun. I'm going to fire them out like slugs. Amy. Sorry about that, Amy. I'm just going to the camera there. Why am I why am I showing off

right Amy says recently I was helping my daughter study the opium wars oh more drugs and for our 7th grade social studies class I mean she should not be

smoking opium for 7th grade when we came across a bizarre piece of history that you might appreciate the Chinese were struggling to defeat the British Navy when someone suggested strapping fireworks onto the backs of monkeys

and hurling them onto British ships. Wow. It was reason that these monkeys with lit fireworks on their backs would run amok on the ships, thus setting them alight. This Dr. Evil-ish plan failed to come to fruition, however, when it was realised that no one would be able to get close enough to the ships to throw the monkeys. To my mind, it is perhaps more likely that no one wanted to be on a small boat full of angry monkeys

with fireworks attached to them, I can understand that you just imagine the recording session with Pete Donson, well I mean you'd have to sit fighting them and then throw them, if you're throwing stuff just throw a cannonball, and Amy finishes by saying the plan was never carried out and the monkeys selected for this task sadly ended up dying of starvation.

It seems fitting, though, that this idea of monkey warfare originated out of the European wars, as we can only assume that someone who had lain in an opium den for quite some time would think fireworks on monkeys would be a sound strategy. That's a lovely little story,

but I'm sad that all of the monkeys died. Yeah, me too, really. Yeah, but if you're at sea and you're at war, you can't be feeding monkeys if you've got nothing. Well, I mean, you'd eat the monkeys. Don't let them starve all of the monkeys died yeah me too really yeah but if you're at sea and you're at war you can't be feeding monkeys if you've got nothing well I mean you'd eat the monkeys don't let them starve

eat the monkeys bushmeat yeah bushmeat don't eat monkeys you're cruising for a illness I think anyone who's ever watched

like an episode of Alan Partridge at some point has thought monkeys are fireworks that's something they wouldn't know what they were up to

I remember going to a fireworks display at a friend's house once. I remember a lot younger and he had his own place. Did he smash up some lasers and some Jean-Michel Jarre? I cannot work without my light display. It's a lot of that, isn't it? Anyway, this party was quite good. There was no lasers. Jean-Michel Jarre was sadly noticeable by his absence.

But it was a good party and it was pumping. And unfortunately, at one point, the fireworks had all gone off. I don't really like fireworks anymore, but this was back in the day when I was more naive. Bang into the fireworks. To quote the Kooks. But he didn't want the party to stop and to wind down,

but there was no firewood left. So do you know what he did? He pulled down his own fence and set fire to that. And just set fire to it. Yeah. So I'll sort it out tomorrow. I'll build it by fire. I'll build it by wood tomorrow. I'll buy fence panels tomorrow,

but I'll use it for wood now. He doesn't care. He doesn't care what his garden looks like. I respected it fence panels tomorrow, but I'll use it for wood now. He doesn't care. He doesn't care what his garden looks like. I respected it. I have to say I respected it. It's definitely not the bonfire of the vanities. No, he's not. Exactly.

Absolutely. I respected it. Very good. Pete, it's your turn to do an email. Do you want me to do another one? I'll pick up my blummin' phone, then fine. We'll squeeze one more in, I think.

We'll squeeze one in. Hello, Sally Carter. She sent two emails. The first one was sent at 12.59am and then another one was sent at 1.03am. This is not another one taking drugs and being in a tent somewhere and listening to the Luke and Pee show.

You know what? I started it just because of the titles. Go on. The first title just says, I have seen a horse vomit. And the second one, four minutes later, P.S. I'm pretty sure she lived. Wow.

So I'm strapping myself in. Yeah, me too. I'm strapping a firework to my back. Sally in Atlanta. Great city. Possibly a great Sally. We don't know yet. We spoke previously about wood lice and pill bugs.

So maybe, yeah. She's a recent. I know it's very soon to email him, but you guys, you guys, I have seen a horse throw up. For a few years during elementary school, my brothers and I had to go to another school after regular school was over until my parents were done with work and could pick us up. I mean, that is compounding school, isn't it?

Go to another school. Yeah, what school's finished? Not for you. Extra school. You know what you're doing? What, is it more school? It is. Mind you, though, they had a big playground and a pool and a roller

skating rink in the basement and we absolutely hated it. Where's this email going? The school's in America. They've got football

teams and roller skaters. But there's a horse coming for this. Or as she would call it, the steer. They also had two horses that spent

most of their time in a little fenced in pasture next to the playground. I think they got to take turns riding them maybe one or two days a year.

They were called Cleo and Mabel. So to get fromin pasture next to the playground. I think we got to take turns riding them maybe one or two days a year. They were called Cleo and Maybel. So to get from the school building to the playground, we had to walk in a single-file line on a little sidewalk that wound around the building and past the little horse stable where the water trough was. And one day, as we were passing the horses, I heard murmurings around me that Maybel was sick. Surely enough, when I passed the water trough,

there was Maybel and she threw up. It wasn't very foodie, but still quite projectile and more like yellow bile. Needless to say, this is a traumatic experience for eight-year-old me and I remember it quite vividly. Also, I think I remember it so well, partly due to a mnemonic. I can never say mnemonic.

Which is the complete defeat in the object. Maybel was the favourite of the two horses because my birthday is May the 1st. Right. I swear this happened. I know memory is a weird thing

but isn't that way just way too much detail to be an inventive memory or is it an alternative universe where there's a timeline in which horses can vomit and maybe Maybel

really did throw up. Yeah, I mean we're relying on some secondary youthful sources here. We have had corroborating sources saying that they can't, though. So this is a mystery that's going to run and run, I think. They could have had some kind of yellow food that stuck in the long... the aforementioned long face.

We don't need to go any further than that. No. I might follow up on that next time around with another email. But I think we're probably getting into a situation where maybe they generally can't vomit, but you might find

that a couple of them can. Yeah. Maybe it's a bit like some people who can double joint their thumbs or whatever and bend them back. Yeah, like that.

Or, you know, I mean, it's going to be variation, isn't there? It's an amazing magic trick, that. There's enough time for this comment, I think. Wow, really?

That's like something I would say. Just use that, then. Let's get the fuck out of here. Where are we going? We don't need roads. Hello, Luke and Pete Show. Hello, at Luke and Pete Show, to get in touch. We'd love to hear from you.

Have a lovely weekend. You're very welcome. Stay out of trouble. Listen to some back episodes, for example, until Monday. Not if you're on drugs. No, don't do that. And we'll see you on Monday the 18th. Look forward to it.

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