The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 145: Man dunks child

Episode Date: February 25, 2019

What would happen if Pete and Luke grabbed an aircraft carrier from somewhere and piloted it to the South China Sea? Just one of the thought experiments available on today's episode of TLAPS. Elsewhere, we hear of a festival going wrong (not Ja Rule's one, although he does get a good going over regardless), something truly surprising that Luke sent a friend in the post, a boat called Clubber Lang, and a truly bizarre way for a man to motivate his son to be better at football. Warning: This episode contains a story about a paddling pool from Pete Donaldson that we can only describe as 'specialist'. You've been warned.Send your favourite stories in: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, I'm Matt Heafy, the singer of Trivium. It's very nice to meet you. Yeah. Monday, Monday. I was replaced by Brad Luter. That's my favourite Trivium song I was thinking of the word Trivium in my head And I thought, I wonder what the lead singer of Trivium is called And apparently it's Matt Heafy

Are those massive Metallica rip-off merchants? I mean They just sound exactly like Metallica I mean, isn't everyone nowadays? Yeah I don't know I suppose so Welcome to the Luke and Pete show Episode 145 I mean, isn't everyone nowadays? Yeah. I don't know. I suppose so.

Welcome to the Luke and Pete show. Episode 145. Shit. Bloody hell, where does the time go? We didn't celebrate the 125, like the intercity 125. How fast do trains go nowadays? They must go faster than 125 miles an hour. Did you see India's... You had a go at me on Thursday.

We were talking about trains. No, at least mine is pure engineering. Yours is about timetables. Well, it was about ticketing, yeah. What was it? Ticket prices. Yeah, there's talk of revamping the ticketing system. Right. So it's clearer.

And there's not a billion tickets available for the same routes and all that kind of stuff. I mean, I just wish the... You know, if you sort of land in this country and in this country, coming over here, buying our train tickets, there's like three or four different choices when it comes to getting into town. And it's like, and you can only go on certain routes. I think it's a big issue. execs everywhere and never actually leave London apart from to go to the airport to fly somewhere exotic you would be forgiven for thinking

that it's not a big issue for people but I'm here talking about everyday people and their issues and trying to be loyal to them and show solidarity

alongside my fellow brother and sister I'm always going away Birmingham actually you can't drive so you probably do use trains more than me use trains more than everyone

yeah apparently I didn't know that New York the New York, the New York Metro has no version of the Oyster card. It's all still paper. Crazy, isn't it? Yeah, that would be my experience. I haven't been there for a while, but yeah.

Crazy. Yeah, we're going there later in the year, aren't we? So we'll find out. Yes, we are. I've got something to bring to the table, shockingly, this time around. Did you see the second news earlier in the week, or last week, that there was a Fortnite festival? What, as in the video game Fortnite?

Yeah. So it was called Fortnite Live, and it was a Fortnite game themed event. Right. How long should we make this? Just a day? Yeah, just outside Norwich. Well, that's foolish. Just outside Norwich, which apparently that's foolish. Just outside Norwich,

which apparently was an absolute disaster. Why? Everyone knows about Fire Festival and how much of a disaster that was. And Jarlrool piping up the other day saying he wants to do it again. I said it would make millions. He's lucky not to be in jail, Pete.

He's lucky not to be in jail. If you are planning on doing it again, Jarl, as your friends call you. What's Jarro's biggest song? Who cares? No, no, you care, baby. I'm not always there when you call. But you're always on time.

Does he sing that bit? No, I don't think so. You transposed his voice onto the girl who sang it. I gave you my heart. Was it Shanti? Did she sing that bit? Shanti? Did she do American Girl?

I see Shanti. No, that was Estelle. Estelle. Yeah, that's it. Take me out to see LA. That one. Carry on. Good song.

My voice is breaking. Let's get with you. You'll be an American boy. American boy. That was, what's his name, wasn't it? Bob Geldof. Bob Geldof. I don't like Mondays, but it is Monday.

Enjoy the Luke and Pete show. Back to the Fortnite. There's this Fortnite festival. He probably wouldn't have said I don't like Mondays if he'd had the Luke and Pete show. Probably would. Probably his favourite day of the week. It's next to Thursday. Before I go into this, can you tell people listening who are older than us,

or older than like 25, what Fortnite actually is? It's a battle royale game, and it's all colourful and that, and it's very popular because it's free to play, and all the kids love it. So you basically... And it's killed Mesut Ozil's career.

Yeah. Is it right you get parachuted into an island, there's 100 players, and it's basically the last person surviving wins, right? Anyway, Fortnite Live Festival just outside Norwich. I'm a PUBG guy. 2,800 people turned up. Right.

So all paying an amount of money, I guess. The wonderful people at Fortnite Live put on a one climbing wall between 3,000 children. Apparently 2,800 turned up, but someone else reported that it was 3,000 plus. Guess how many go-karts they had? Ten. Four.

Four? That doesn't seem like enough for a kid's party. Four, yeah. There was a Fortnite tunnel, in quotes, which is basically a little sort of stretchy tunnel they put underneath a four by four truck fucking hell and um yeah and apparently it was all together quite underwhelming

is it like one of those kind of like um traveling um christmas experience basically yeah exactly like that before like the the ice uh the um uh winter wonderland the winter wonderland but it's like not the one in High Park yeah like shitty towns it's like they'll bring like an ice skating rink

but it'll just be plastic and people are just falling over there's mud everywhere it's just dreadful but the reason I brought this particular news story to the table

dog with antlers yeah it's because one parent said according to the news report and I don't know if they said this they're probably just saying it

because it's a funny pun to put in there Fortnite is all about hunting people down and killing them. I felt like doing that to the people who organised it. That gave me a chuckle, I'll tell you. That's so funny.

As the circle gets smaller. There we go. But anyway, what's on the agenda for you this week, Pete Donaldson? What's on the agenda for you and me and everyone? Probably my podcast, to be honest. I've got nothing planned, to be honest. You're off to Taiwan, aren't you? I'm off to Taiwan. I mean, I everyone probably my podcast to be honest I've got nothing planned

you're off to Taiwan I'm off to Taiwan I mean I'm in Taiwan to be honest what's the what's the help a brother out here what's the

because I called this Chinese Taipei recently and that's a no-no right I don't think you did I don't think you could remember Chinese Taipei I forgot I just forgot what they called it

yeah Chinese Taipei and they it's a lot of food a lot of great food it's a nice mishmash of like is it politically ins it. Yeah. Chinese Taipei. And they, it's a lot of food, a lot of great food. It's a nice mishmash of like the Philippines. Is it politically insensitive to call it Chinese Taipei? To the Taiwanese, yeah. Okay.

So they don't like that. They obviously thought they're their own country and China have got their own ideas about that. Yeah. It's like if the Falklands was right next door. Okay, right. And what would happen if we were to send our own aircraft carrier into the South China Sea?

Well, I mean, the Chinese have got that all sawn up. As in like a Luke and Pete show aircraft carrier? Aircraft carrier. Just like a party aircraft carrier. Yeah, and instead of having planes on the deck, it would have just great chat. And you could blow it over. Yeah, after war.

Great chat. What would happen? Would they be upset with that? They'd be confused, I think, in many ways. A lot of feedback about how we'd been able to afford our own aircraft carrier do you know what happens

I get decommissioned all the time so you can probably grab one get a tugboat to tug it out there my dad told me aircraft carriers

take 7 miles to stop so I feel like I'm qualified to pilot it just make sure when I'm 7 miles out I hit the brakes and we'll be fine and don't smash into

whatever's down in the South China Sea but the way I feel about it is as long as you don't hit land you can do whatever you want you've done well

yeah because you're an aircraft carrier people get out of your way if you hit another ship it's going to be smaller isn't it

yeah exactly and if you're an aircraft carrier people are going to get out of the way isn't it you've just got to get out of the way definitely

a lot of interesting feedback about our priests who wear clothes chat um i mean one or two people taking it a bit too seriously i think yeah which is always the way when you when you when you i mean i'm not talking about the south china sea here but when you venture into those murky waters people will will get a bit angry about the silt that's washed up the conversational silt if you're going to put a priest in a paddling pool and he's not wearing pants, that might happen. Where are you going with that? Some of them in a firm.

Where are you going with that? What do you mean? Where's the paddling pool come from? They're not wearing any pants. Tell your paddling pool story. What was my paddling pool story? You've got a paddling pool story. Yes, there was a rumour that a notable celebrity

had notable celebrity parties where a uh a man i can't believe i've encouraged you to do this a man would sit in a paddling pool a very debauched party would sit in a paddling pool and uh mainly the the gay men of the party uh would ejaculate be sick piss whatever you want on uh the the chap i forgot about that bit, I shouldn't have brought it up. The chap who would sit in the paddling pool, and he was known as the slug, because he'd just be writhing around in... I have to say,

I did forget about half of that story. In nonsense, basically. Yeah. Each to their own. Each to their own. Consenting adults. I'm fairly certain it's probably one of those stories that people,

you know, that people... Oh, dear. For some reason, you're Siri. When you started telling that story, your phone came to life, Pete. Isn't that weird? I don't know what that says about you, but... It just came to life.

It got excited. Are you telling the slug story again, Peter? Peter, are you hiding in plain sight again? I don't have enough room for a paddling pool. I've got a little bit of an update. Sorry about that departure, by the way. I forgot about half that story, and far be it from me to encourage you to start talking about that kind of stuff.

But there we go. I think it's one of the stories that people kind of attribute to notable gay celebrities because the general homophobia that is displayed. It's probably untrue, but I just quite like the image. Yeah, I bet you do. I just like his full,

and a man who just sits in a paddling pool all night getting jizzed on, just ends the party. Does he shower off? He'd have to shower off. Does he take his wagon with him? He'd have to shower off. Why?

For me, the image I've got in my mind now is about... You get pissed on, you're kind of getting showered off, aren't you? Three in the morning, him just you know very calmly just closing the pad and pull down yeah

packing it all up again throwing it just take it outside throwing it in the flower beds saying um when's the next one of these is it is it

is another one maybe just put that in my in my phone yeah put it on my phone for next time yeah oh I can't make it oh I still haven't

oh no honestly I still haven't Dave can do it I still haven't got a B&Q I've got I've got a B&Q I've got I've got to be up the next day

I think what people don't like is the fact that we don't give them warnings about that kind of content yeah we don't even put explicit on the show

do we we could vault fast into anything which I think we could probably get in trouble for but I've got a little bit of an update

about do you remember a while ago I told you that a friend of mine sent me a letter through the post saying here's a challenge do you want to do it and it was a food update about... Do you remember a while ago I told you that a friend of mine sent me a letter through the post

saying here's a challenge, do you want to do it? And it was a food portrait of my own face. That's right, yes. Well, the results

came back and I came third. Really? Because it was really good, it looked like it. Yeah, that's what I thought.

So for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about here, you need to go back and listen to an earlier episode, but I'll give you a quick

price in. If you want to see the food face portrait, go on to our Twitter which is at Luke and Pete but I'll give you a quick price and if you want to see the food face portrait go on to our Twitter which is at Luke and Pete show I've got a group

of six friends really in total and that's it and one of them set a challenge by sending a letter through to each of us saying here's a challenge

you want to do it if so do a food face portrait and take a photo of it email it to this email address and I'll dish out points and I came third I was a photo of it, email it to this email address and I'll dish out points. And I came third. Right.

I was a bit disappointed. It was good. Pete, you've given me, you're quite an artistic guy and you've given me props there so I'll take that as credit. Anyway, I came third but then I got another one

through the post saying, do you want to accept tasks number two? Do you want to see your kids again? Yeah. No, so it's like, it's basically a blatant rip-off

of Taskmaster which you can see on day which is a great show and I would kids again? Yeah. No, so it's basically a blatant rip-off of Taskmaster, which you can see on day, which is a great show, and I would recommend you watch it. Anyway, the second challenge was by the end, by the 24th of February, which was yesterday, but I did it in advance, is send the most surprising thing you can in the post to my address.

Right. And you can't spend more than a fiver. Now we've not got the results back yet but I I got in a bit of trouble for this with my friend's wife. I found a quite large collection

available for £4.83 with free postage for Amazon. A quite large collection of black crickets. Live. Live black crickets. And I sent them to the house.

That's good. That's great. But the problem is apparently they're so loud they couldn't get any sleep. Are they still in their box? What are they going to do? I think they've taken them

to a local zoo. I think they've taken them to a local zoo I think. And they'll use them I think they'll take them to the local zoo. I think they'll take them to the local zoo, I think. And they'll use them... I think they'll feed them to the monkeys. What? Yeah. This is insanity.

I know. So that's what I've been up to. So if you need to get rid of some crickets, just take them to the zoo. Well, I read... Part of the reason I sent them is because I saw that... Let's make this very clear.

This is a cricket-based genocide perpetrated by one Luke Moore well it sort of is you're sending them to their deaths but the reason they're available to be purchased anyway is to be fed to lizards and stuff like that

right but I this is going to take another bit of a turn I'm sorry but I know people are looking to Pete for this weird stuff but I wouldn't do this

about a year and a half ago I saw I happened across the Amazon wish list of Monkey World in Dorset. Do you know about Monkey World? Yeah. It's a monkey sanctuary. Okay.

They rescue monkeys from all over the world and they look after them with a view to hopefully get them back into the wild again. And the monkeys in Monkey World had their own Amazon wish list. Okay. Typewriters. And one of the things at the top of the list of their wish list was crickets. We want crickets. Yeah.

Because that's one of their favourite snacks. I reckon their favourite snacks would be like chocolate or something.

Guaranteed it would be something incredibly unhealthy but yeah crickets. Do they chase them around and eat them? I think they do

yeah. I'm sorry if people feel a little bit upset at the idea that animals eat insects but I mean there's not

really much I can do. I haven't sent our facilitation there. There's not much I can do. Well I could not send them I guess. I mean monkeys are still going to eat insects but I mean there's not really much I can do I haven't sent out a facilitation there there's not much I can do

well I could not send them I guess I mean monkeys are still going to eat insects anyway that's a diversion that would be like

kind of bequeathed my mate is I think I've said this on the show before but as I have pretty much everything else I see on the show my friend is

genuinely paralysed with fear that at some point in his life someone is going to bequeath him a boat right why mooring fees upkeep he point in his life someone is going to bequeath him a boat. Right, why?

Mowering fees, upkeep. He's just genuinely scared someone's going to bequeath him a boat. A few of my friends bought a boat. Did I tell you about that? No. A few of my friends bought a boat way back in the day because I grew up next to the coast, obviously.

And so I was there when the conversation was happening. I didn't actually partake in the purchase, but I was there. Right thing about crickets, mate. People were smoking weed there was ideas knocking about

we were at a stage where none of us had our own house or own place to stay and we couldn't, we were all living

with our parents and we couldn't afford our own place. We could have thought of bought. Well that's the thing.

So the three of the boys they all put their money together and they bought a boat called Clubber Lang. Right. And they painted Clubber Lang,

of course, Mr. T's character in Rocky... Two? Two, I think. They painted a boxing glove on the side and they said, what we're going to do is we're going to go out in Clubber Lang, out into the sea, anchor, and if we want to have a beer or smoke some weed,

we can do it out there and no one's going to bother us. I don't think it ever went out. I think they... It just always just stayed in. They visited a couple of times and then about three or four months after the idea sort of wore off, they thought, oh shit, what about that boat?

Went back and then paid the mooring fee so it just got taken away. I mean, wow. You must be able to buy boats quite cheap from people who take them away. I think it was like a couple of grand. Yeah. It wasn't that much in the first place.

Anyway. It's just very, I don't know, it's just a pain in the arse, isn't it? Absolutely a pain in the arse wanting to buy. Not if it's an aircraft carrier, mate. Let's go have a break and then we'll do some emails. All right then, let's do that. On each step with Peloton, from their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner.

Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton all-access membership separate. Peloton all access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. How to make a long egg.

Kick-Ux in da house. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com. Vocal fry. To get in touch. Is that Sarah Koenig from Serial there? Vocal Fry. She doesn't do

Vocal Fry does she? I think so, yeah. Nah, she's you gotta be like a You're not doing it right. Gotta be like a total valley girl, eh? No, but you're doing it wrong

because the Vocal Fry only happens at the end of a sentence. Oh my God. So they talk like this and then they go I just didn't really know what I was doing.

Right? And I'm like, right, okay. And also, another thing they also do on those American shows, they go, a lot of these conversations happen.

I've been harpooned. Some person goes, some person goes, so what I did is I, I took the car out from the garage and I drove it down to the Best Buy. And then the presenter will go,

so you took the car out of the garage and you drove it down to the Best Buy. Yeah, I took the car out of the garage and I drove it down to the Best Buy. And then the presenter will just go, huh. And that is responsible for 20% to 25% of the run time of every single American series-based podcast.

If you took all that out, each episode would be about 15 minutes long. Somebody recommended. It's not premium content like this, and that's what angers me. Oh, God, we use our time so effectively. Talking about murdering crickets. Angers me. Oh, God, we use our time so effectively talking about murder and crickets. The bloke, the wide-shouldered bloke next door,

he recommended a podcast to me about the fall of the Shah in Iran. A BBC kind of... Is it only available on BBC Sounds? Because I'm not here for that. It's a podcast. I'm not recommending it because I didn't particularly enjoy it.

I didn't know on it. I just thought, I'm not on it. It didn't particularly enjoy it I didn't know on it I just thought I'm not on it it's just it's a dramatization of the fall of the Shah but some of the writing man like

she goes hello I know in like TV and film you sure don't tell is that right yeah always show I think that's

for me and this goes against this is anathema to this show it's a different type of show this one but for me in everything show don't tell

don't no expositional stuff it's rubbish it's nowhere near as good in audio dramas you kind of have to tell a bit more yeah

but it's just the way they do it so ham-fisted he wakes up and his daughter's arrived this is not fiction by the way no it's not audio drama

it's an audio drama it's audio drama it's audio drama about the fall of the Shah so it's set on hello my hello my daughter and I'm like

oh fuck's sake and then he's like I've made some tea and you have bread and Iranian honey and it's like we're in Iran you wouldn't say

Iranian honey we have Iranian honey. We have Iranian honey. Alright, mate, we've got London jam. Enjoy it. Oh, I can't wait to drink some of that English orange juice.

You're thinking about a cafe again, aren't you? Yeah, but unless see, I don't know. Iranian honey might be a specific topic. I know, but unless... See, I don't know. Iranian honey might be a specific type of honey. I know, but still, it just sounds ham-fisted.

English ham-fisted. Anyway, we're actually technically, Pete, we're in the email section of this show. I'm going to start with... This is quite... So, I debated about

whether to read this email or not. Okay. And I've decided that I'm going to. But I think... I don't know if this is problematic and a bit troubling, and I want you, Pete, of all people, to be... Do you really think... Arbiter.

No, I think you should be the arbiter. The Donny Barometer is really in operation. You had what I would describe as a troubled childhood in a safe environment. Yeah, but it was the trouble I brought on myself. No, fine. But I'm not suggesting your parents weren't anything other than excellent.

I love your parents. They produced you, and that's good enough for me. I've made, to be honest, if you're listening, is your mum's name Helen? No, my sister's name is Helen. What's your mum's name?

Christine. Christine and Stuart, if you're listening, I've made a pretty penny off your son. So, listen, we're all on the same team here. Off your son. But you are a man to,

I think, to be the arbiter of whether this is problematic or not. Listen, we're all on the same team here. Off your son. But you are a man to, I think, Best sex worker and so on. To be the arbiter of whether this is problematic or not. So it's from Tony. I won't use his full name. Yo, Tony. Tony. He says,

Tony. He says, Hello, boys. Huge fan of Radio Stakhanov. I do a mini celebration with a new episode of any of the Holy Trinity, the Football Ramble on the Continent or Luke and Pete show.

Light up on my screen. Way back, you had a discussion about little lies parents told to their kids, and it reminded me of something my father used to do. My father was in Fleetwood Mac. It wasn't quite a lie, and it is a little dark, so I kept it to myself.

However, when Pete started talking about horse blowjobs, I felt the zeitgeist had grown dark enough. Okay. It's nothing sexual. I just realised the apparent path I was leading you down. He says, anyway, before football as a kid, my father used to think that we were sometimes too sleepy.

Right. So I guess they're getting up to play a football game as kids in their kids' football team. He would sometimes think we were too sleepy, so he would fill the sink with cold water, chase us down, and dunk our heads in it. Wow. I always insisted that

the inevitable pursuit through the house was enough to wake us up, but he persisted. Isn't this weird? I'm wondering if anyone else experienced something similar growing up. Cheers, Tony. Um, yeah. Dads are weird, aren't they? Um, it's effectively like a morning

waterboarding isn't it really sort of I'm going to dunk your head in it reminds me of that scene in Lock, Stock and Two

Smoking Barrels with Barry the Baptist are you going to fucking pay are you going to fucking pay I'm sure it was meant with love

in fact I'm certain it was and the intentions were pure and honourable but is that something given these days that I don't know

a lot of my friends have got children I don't know any a lot of my friends have got children. I don't know any of them who will deliver any sort of corporal punishment, slap the back of the legs, slap their bum. None of that happens now. So let's assume Tony is around our age. I don't know.

Would you have thought that was weird when you were younger? I wouldn't have thought it was weird when I was younger, but now you sort of go, again, aren't dads weird? But they're just normal guys like us. Bit of fun. Is it problematic? Probably in this day and age. Things have changed so much.

Hello at LukeandPetra.com if you have an opinion on that. One of my earliest memories was we had like a kind of hoity-toity next door neighbour. Did you really? What made them like that? Well, I tell you what, recently I looked at how much their fucking house is worth we had like a kind of hoity-toity next door neighbour who thought they were better what made them what made them like that well I tell you what recently I looked at

how much their fucking house is worth and it's 40 grand so you know but what did they do to make you think about that they were just very

kind of like you know looking down their nose at you and stuff and they had like a nice cigar in their nose and they'd you know

whinge about and my dad like banging away in the shed or whatever. They were just a bit arse. What was he doing? They would have like little parties and they'd look over

and go, oh, that's good enough. What jobs did they have? I mean, it was a terraced house in Hartlepool. But one of the most snobby people

that you get, because we had a similar outbreak in terms of, I grew up in a terraced house in Gosport, which is, you know, I mean,

the house price is probably more expensive but that's because it's in the south it was very similar and the people in my experience who are the most snobby the ones who think

they're the dogs bollocks like a teacher or something or a where I come from it would be a naval officer it's like what they say they sort of have

a they always say on airports on airplanes like the upper class deck, lovely people. I bet, yeah. The coach, fine. It's the people who are in business who think they're, you know.

And I think you can transpose that across to famous people, right? So you have people who are really famous. And we've had, I mean, I'm not trying to show off and I won't name them because to save embarrassment,

but we've had very famous people in this office. And they've always been so nice, very humble, very business-like, head down, get on with it. Because I think they've got a grasp

of the idea that it's important that other people's encounters with them are positive ones. You're always on when you're that famous. Exactly. But then you get people, and the worst people, and I've experienced this,

the worst people are the sort of reality show type people who think they're much more famous than they are. So I reckon it's the same principle. But anyway, carry on. It's always like imposter. I would always feel like a bloody imposter. I just remember my dad, we were outside in the garden. I was helping him with something,

but I was in my vest and shirt sorry vest and pants I was just in these little in my mind and in every listener's mind as a kid you were always in your vest and pants

but I was just in my vest and pants and my dad took one look at me laughed and then ran in the house and locked the door so I was in the garden just in my pants and vest love that

that's great dad behaviour yeah but I was like is it abusive possibly is it abusive possibly but I was like is it cold no no it's fine but I was in the garden just in my pants and vest. Love that. That's great dad behaviour. Yeah, but I was like... Is it abusive, possibly? Is it abusive, possibly? Is it cold? No, no, it's fine. But I was just sore. I was just like, argh!

I mean, I was all in the garden in my vest and pants. That's the thing. It wasn't like my dad had to manhandle it to get me out of there. Yeah. But then I suddenly felt incredibly exposed, and I started crying. Let me in! I started screaming.

And the hoity-toity mum next door looked over the fence and went, Pete, are you okay? And it just basically looked like an abuse situation. What happened at the end? Well, my dad let me in. He was like,

well, you've made a real prick up or something. Back then though, like, you know. Your dad was angry with you? Yeah, because I'd been, I'd had the screaming abdubs and, you know.

You grasped him up, Pete. I'd grasped him up. Yeah. Try laughing, baby. Who's to blame there though? Ultimately I'd graft him up. Yeah. Child land, baby. Who's to blame there, though? Ultimately, 100% your dad. Yeah, and a culture of organised paedophile rings. For goodness sake.

For goodness sake. You know, I can remember a similar situation, Ree, my parents. Parents in the 80s were so scared of child land and having their kids taken away from them. Mine certainly were, anyway. I don't know what had gone on. I don't think mine were because I can remember

having a tantrum we went for a walk somewhere I can't remember where it was but we went for a walk on like a Saturday afternoon or whatever and I was being

a little dickhead and I was throwing sticks at people and all that kind of stuff and I was walking off on my own my parents telling me

not to go too far away all that kind of stuff I don't know walking off on my own. My parents were telling me not to go too far away. All that kind of stuff. I don't know how old I was. Probably about seven or eight. And at one point, obviously, my sister's a lot younger than me. She's five years younger.

So she would have just been toddling along. Yeah. And so she would have had no say in it. And I think at one point, when I walked too far off, my parents just hid. Yeah. They just hid in the trees.

Classic joke. Yeah. And so I turned around. I was like I'll have to set up camp now oh I'm not so brave instantly I'm not brave because now my parents

aren't there what am I going to do I think I just ended up crying but I can absolutely imagine a situation where another family would come along and be like

are you okay but they didn't my mum and dad just jumped out and were like that'll teach you for that and many ways that's why I've got

commitment issues now still wet the bed and I always feel lonely and I'll wet the bed but that'll teach you for that. And in many ways, that's why I've got commitment issues now. Still wet the bed. And I always feel lonely and I'll wet the bed and I can't do any of this stuff without a safety net.

And you are the safety net, Pete. So it makes me feel better to see a man worse than you. Well, you filled the blanks in there. I wasn't actually going to say that, but we'll go with that. I'm going to dunk your head in a sink.

That feels like an entirely depressing way to end this show. Well, it's been emotional. It's been cathartic. It's helped you and me outlook immensely. If you want to get in touch with the show, it's hello at lukenpeachshow.com. We do love hearing from people.

I mean, that's the main reason why we do this. Yeah, to find people worse off than us. Horrible stories. Some people are much better off than us. We haven't had any information about a Faberge egg yet. No. So do get in touch

on that front. Anybody knows anyone with a Faberge egg or has seen a Faberge egg in someone's house. Yeah. They're useless

fucking things aren't they? Unattractive. Is it God's way of showing you you've got too much money? Possibly I don't know. Yeah.

Speaking of that please if you are of a religious bent more power to you. Please don't get in touch and tell me I'm wrong talking about religious leaders' clothing

because it's a frivolous comment. It's a bit of a joke. I believe you should be able to joke about everything and I've joked about that. I don't think God would mind, personally. He's got other stuff on.

Yeah. And if you are of the Christian persuasion, you'll have to forgive me, which apparently I'm led to believe is a cornerstone of the faith. So we should be okay. Yeah. Hello at lucarpeach.com. Great to talk to you which apparently I'm led to believe is a cornerstone of the face. So we should be okay. Yeah. Hello at lucarpeach.com.

Great to talk to you as ever. Pete, it's been a pleasure being in your company. We'll be back on Thursday for more of this. The final day of February. Can it really be that already? Jesus.

See you later. Sorry for saying Jesus. I mean, he made volcanoes. They're fucking ridiculous, aren't they? And tectonic plates. This was a Radio Stakhanov production.