The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 146: Don't you ever do a crime

Episode Date: February 28, 2019

We're back! And here's what to expect in this episode:- Walking sticks- Kid n Play- Pulling sickies- Hi-Vis jackets- Heroin- MannequinsAnd lots more. Including Pete taking us through his wallet, repeatedly talking about Manic Street Preachers, and then giving us his own carefully thought out opinions on DVDs.Oh, and we also hear again from Crisp Andy. And apparently he's still never eaten a crisp. Ridiculous.Send us crisps. And emails: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

and it's apparently when he's uh weeing on you oh right yeah well they talk all about the odds of march what about the final day of february beware of that i don't know is this the final day of february yeah oh well we've done well, haven't we? We've done well. To get here. February. January went quickly, but obviously February

being quite a sharp month, you're like, whoa. Do you think people get confused about the Ides of March? What do you mean? Well, because I think people think that... Great film with George Clooney and Ryan Gosling in, I believe.

Haven't seen it. Well, it's good. I'll say to you what I've said before. Sooner or later, Ryan Gosling as an actor is going to have to start talking. He don't do't seen it. Well, it's good. I'll say to you what I've said before. Sooner or later, Ryan Gosling as an actor is going to have to start talking. He don't do nothing so far. Thanks, Steve McQueen.

He's just presence. He's all presence. Just looks around, looking broody. The Ides of March is the 15th of March. I think it literally means the middle of March. Right. And beware the Ides of March, I think, is because in that context,

something was happening in the middle of March. Yes. But I think people might, I won't say people I mean me might have confused it with something as in like something terrible

happened in March beware the Ides of March but it just means beware the middle of March it's basically when Keegan's Newcastle season went to shit I'm going to stop saying that

Kevin Keegan famously born on Valentine's Day of course and the world fell in love with him and his personality we missed Bobby Robertson's birthday by 7, 8, 9 days 10 days yeah was it his birthday recently on Valentine's Day, of course. He was. And the world fell in love with him and his personality. We missed Bobby Robson's birthday

by seven, eight, nine days, ten days. Yeah. Was it his birthday recently? His birthday recently. Happy birthday, Bobby Robson. Good, yeah. Great man. How are you, Pete?

It's almost the weekend. We're getting there. Oh, yeah. It's the weekend. How have you been? How's this week been for you? All right? Pretty average, really.

Pretty average, yeah. My life's quite routine these days. Although my wife got a new visa, which is good. Right. I had her bags packed, but it wasn't to be. No. No, she's renewed her visa because... She's got to do it early.

American citizen. No, every two and a half years. Right. And she's been here almost two and a half years. Aware the Ides of March when you lose your wife. But the next step is indefinite leave to remain. So it means that she can come and go as she pleases. That's it.

And that doesn't mean she's a British citizen, but it means she has, as it says, indefinite leave to stay here. So she could at any point be chucked out and replaced by a rapper. Well, yeah, there's one out, one in. What's his name? Fifteen Candles?

I can't remember. His name is Fifteen Candles. The only sort of caveat to that is in the words of I think Kid's dad. I think it's Kid's dad in the seminal

film House Party. In the words of his dad, don't you ever do a crime. Don't you ever do a crime? If you don't do a crime, you're all

good. That's quite a performance in that film. I'll tell you something. Let's get into this. You love a bit of that, don't you's quite a performance in that film. I'll tell you something. Let's get into this. You love a bit of that, don't you? Let's go deep into this.

I'll tell you right now. If you are of our age or older, you'll know what House Party is. If you're not, it's a comedy movie featuring rappers and comedians, kid and play. This is House Party I'm talking about, which is about a house party where they try and get involved and have a bit of fun but they don't want their parents to find out and it is absolutely brilliant it's so good it's like a teenage animal house 1990 film and the guy who steals the show is um is plays kid i'm pretty

sure his kid kid's dad. And sadly, he died. He's called Robin Harris. Not that long ago, really. No, he died very young. What? He died almost straight after House Party. Oh. I'm just looking up now.

He died in 1990. And he plays this cynical, world-weary, very funny dad who's basically trying to track down the kids because they're having a house party. And one of the first things he does when he walks into the house, because they're having a house party and one of the first things he does when he walks into the house because he finds the

house obviously one of the first things he does when he walks into the house is that quote he sees a kid with jerry curls and he's got a load of gel

in his hair yeah like the the um the gel cut stuff they used to use for jerry curl hair like the hair oil and he just looks up and goes hmm

maddened on you been here i seen the drippers in the driveway he goes don't you ever do a crime Police ain't got no problem Finding you All they gotta do

Is follow the drip Don't you ever do a crime And that's where it comes from Wonderful The way that relates to My wife's new visa Is that she cannot Ever do a crime

She can't ever do crime Yeah What so she cannot Even do like A little crime Like stealing a DVD From a post office I don't think we're ever going

to test that come on listen especially not a DVD got no means of playing it so there'd be

absolutely no point now it could be a DVD ROM it could be like a crossword game for a PC have you still got a collection of

DVDs no I do have some Blu-rays some HD Blu-rays Blu-movies I bought a HD Blu-movie player

to watch Goodfellas I actually bought it for the new Blade Runner I've still not watched it on it though Would you like to have been there when when the Blades were run

I understand it was tragic and people lost their jobs and I'm not glorying in that but it is a fascinating aspect of modern society what happened to Blockbuster Right

Would you like to have been there when they realised? Because it happened like that. What do you mean? I was in like... Straight away. For all of us, one minute, in my mind, one minute you're renting out VHSes to teenagers having sleepovers.

Next minute you are literally obsolete. I enjoyed that little burp you did. Is that because you hear it? It's a little gurgle. It's because you just drank some water. Getting excited. I'm doing all the heavy lifting. That's why.

Would you not find it a fascinating situation? How quick life can move on, the business world can develop and stuff. Yeah, but you always sort of see those kind of businesses, and most businesses to be honest, they're very slow to change their business model. Massively slow. Like when Netflix started,

that was like... Mail order DVDs. Mail order DVDs. My dad was banging at them because he'd copy them. My dad's got a ridiculous collection of DVDs so I passed one up my dad was bagging at them because he'd copy them my dad's got a ridiculous collection of DVDs he would just constantly copy

that's literally a crime yeah and he's called Stuart it was for home use he's not selling them on the market or anything going around the pubs I mean have you checked that

well he's in the pub quite a lot yeah did they ever tell you the story about the guy who tried to sell me a massive deli block sized block of cheese I believe you did yes yeah okay and then I went into story about the guy who tried to sell me a massive deli block of cheese?

I believe you did, yes. And then I went into my cheesecake story where I tried to use halloumi to make cheesecake.

My dad is down in London for one night only. Get him in. Get your tickets. Big Larry came in. Bring Stewie in.

Bring Stewie in, yeah. That walk from Highbury to Zinkel is awesome. Get him a cab. Get him an Uber. I am genuinely

thinking about getting one of those little scooters. Has he got bad knees? Yeah, his knees are fucked. He's had like walk from Highbury to England. Awesome. Get him a cab. Get him an Uber. I am genuinely thinking about getting one of those little scooters and scoop myself up. Has he got bad knees? Yeah, his knees are

fucked. He's had like three operations on one knee. And he had that sort of situation where he didn't want, he's full of crap my dad,

but he had a situation where he wouldn't get himself a walking stick because that felt more permanent than the crutch he already had. Right, I see. That makes sense.

And I said, yeah, but dad, you look like you've just had it. So people are just going to be constantly saying, what's wrong with your leg? Because you've got these grey, joyless crutches. So it looks like you've just come out of hospital. Yeah, so I got him like a fancy crutch. Did you get him a John Hammond? What's a John Hammond? With the amber, the mosquito on the top. No, no, no.

So I went to, so now he's kind of made peace with the fact that he's going to have a walking stick for the rest of his life. I went into that posh walking stick shop in New Oxford Street. Oh, that's nice. And bought him a nice one.

But there are some fancy, like duck heads and like you say, like big old orbs. Oh, I'll be straight down there. Oh, man. Straight down there, yeah. Proper pimp canes going on. Yeah.

Beautiful. Describe the one you got him. I got him a very simple, ornate one, but it's quite simplistic. Was that for Christmas? Understated. Did he like it?

Yeah, I think he did, yeah. That's nice. A heartwarming story. Yeah, I'd chop it down, but make it a bit shorter because he's a little buck. Did he make a copy of it? What?

Did he make a copy of it? What do you mean? His collection. His pirate. His pirate's everything he gets his hands on take it back nice

oh dear good stuff so what we talk about so you don't find that sort of a fascinating sort of well what is the story

technology moves on and nobody moves on with it oh there's like an absolutely ridiculous stat I haven't got it

in front of me but it's like the market value of the company was just wiped in about six months it's the same as I want to but it's like the market value of the company was just wiped in about six months it's the same as I want to say

it's the same as a couple of camera companies maybe who all of a sudden refused to go digital well just film to digital

bang happened all of a sudden literally overnight no one's buying film cameras and films anymore and that's that

I wonder where it's going to happen to podcasts to be honest my mate's dad sorry film cameras and films anymore. And that's that. I wonder where it's going to happen in a podcast, to be honest. My mate's dad, sorry, my mate's friend's dad sadly passed away. He was a big photographer,

as is my mate. The mate's, the daughter of the dad who sadly passed away had all his camera equipment and basically said, look, do you want this stuff? And said, one of the dad who decided he passed away had all his camera equipment and basically said, look, do you want this stuff? And said, one of the pieces, one of the cameras is a Leica.

Obviously, Leica, you know, each piece is like, you know, three or four grand, beautiful cameras, market leaders, really understated, classy pieces of work. And he went, look, that's going to be expensive. Don't give it to me. Sell it on eBay. It's going to be worth it. She goes, no, I insist.

I insist. And he was like, a little bit secretly excited that he was going to get a Leica. What turned up was, it was a Leica, but it was Leica's first digital camera. So it was the first digital version of their camera.

He's never used one. So it was a piece of shit. It was, you know, two megapixels kind of, you know, still beautifully put together with all the kind of trappings of a premium product.

Would have been about three or four grand back then, but it's literally worth a couple of hundred quid. It's nothing you can do with it. Now you can do with it, mate. He's probably not even bothered using it. He's probably not even bothered using it.

I've got another Taskmaster update from my friend. Okay. I've got another task through. Task number three. Before task number two was even sorted. Yeah, have you not even found out

that you're a horrific slaughter of millions of crickets? It could have all been in vain. Yeah. I don't know yet, but what I do know is I've been given,

I got another one through, task number three. Yeah. And I got a £10 note in the post. Are you going to join a gang? Is this initiation stuff? Yeah. £10 note in the post. I you going to join a gang? Is this initiation stuff? Yeah.

£10 note in the post. I've got to convince a tattooist to tattoo my face. No, £10 note in the post, just simply saying, turn this into as much money as possible by the last day of March. Right, okay. What would you do?

I'd lie and just give them £1,000. You've got to do a paper trail. I'd pay a forger. If I had more time, can you still do that thing on eBay where you pay like a tenner for a massive box of like DVDs or books or something? And you could sort through them all

and then try and sell them individually. Well, I guess so, yeah. But I mean, a lot of work for a month, yeah. I think I'll probably just put it on a football game. Have a bet. Yeah. So I would have turned that into

zero pounds and that's the best bet to this week let's have a little break we've got loads of emails to get through because you know what I've realised

over the last couple of shows we've been wittering on so much so we haven't actually got through hardly any emails apart from the guy whose dad used to

dunk him in cold water and from my point of view the guy who got got annoyed with you for confusing dublin zoo with belfast zoo um and you've done a couple we haven't got through hardly any so we need to get through them so let's take a break early get away from here come back and uh read through some emails you're probably wondering why i'm in a cold, dark room repeatedly spilling molasses. The molasses against the classes. All we need is a reason.

The excellent Radiohead. That was supposed to be a return to form for Manix. Yeah. We always hear it's going to come, but it never comes, is it? I've got no interest in what they've got to say these days first three albums excellent I used to really love Everything Must Go

I used to love that was where they were definitely what's the one with motorcycle emptiness on it first one it's called Generation Terrorist

yes yeah and the one after that is that the Holy Bible no Gold Against the Soul is in the middle of that Holy Bible's the first one then no

Generation Terrorist first Holy Bible's second Mega Gold Against the Soul is in the middle of that. Holy Bible's the first one then? No, Generation Terrorist first, Holy Bible second. Mega 20 track album, then it's Gold Against the Soul, then it's the Holy Bible. Oh, right. I quite like the Holy Bible

anyway, is what I was going to say. That's their best album. Don't get in touch again religious people. Don't ask me! It's just the album's called the Holy Bible.

Revolt! Revolt! Revolt! Yeah? Yeah. Are you going with that, are you? Nat West! Nat West,

Pugliese, Midlands, Lloyds! Black Horse Apocalypse! Death Persona, Final Credit! It's impossible to talk about the Man Street Preachers these days

without feeling like Alan Partridge. Why? Because their politics were quite juvenile. Not really. Are you part of that breakaway new political party, Pete? What's this?

Last week, a bunch of Labour MPs broke away to form an independent new party. Right, okay. Are you interested or not? How's that going to go?

Well, you're a card-carrying Labour member, are you not? Well, I'd have to throw my card away. And to be honest, my wallet is one of those ones that affixes to the back of my phone, and if I ever take out just one card, the rest start falling out.

Oh, right. It reduces the structural integrity of the actual wallet. What you need to do is head to some sort of provincial travel lodge. I'm led to believe travel lodges now have a business floor for quiet sleeping for people who are there on business. Head up to that floor, meet someone, get one of their business cards, transfer that into your wallet.

And replace it with a labour card. Get your labour card out of there. Well, maybe this new party... Then you can join Chuck at a Munna. Has he actually left yet? Yeah, he's done one. Has he done one? Yeah, I've got one of those Insure and Go cards as well.

Insure and Go card? Annual travel insurance. Yeah, he's done one. Has he done one? Yeah, I've got one of those Insure and Go cards as well. Insure and Go card. Annual travel insurance. Yeah, HSBC debit card, Amex, British Airways, my completely clear card for my absolute radio, Discovery Channel, Pete Donaldson,

look how pleased I look on the picture. You look about 18. And you look, again, weirdly, you look like Hitler's son. Yeah. Hitler's son sounds like a manic song a Monzo Mastercard

oh you got a Monzo Ed Babb a man who saw me in the street and gave me a business card Ed Babb artist he's got a good portfolio I recommend him what's his website his website is edbab.com yeah

I didn't feel bad but Ed and also my provisional driving licence. Your provisional driving licence, which you've had, according to this, since 2013. It's good, though, because it's just a cheap way of doing an ID. Take a test, you absolute layabout.

What a cocaine on these cards. I'm joking. I don't know why we're doing that, but we were going to do emails. This card got me within about 15 minutes, not even that, in about five minutes of going to a gun range

in Amarillo, Texas, I was shooting a revolver thanks to this card that literally anyone can get in the UK. Yeah, I can, man. Listen, I don't mind about that in Texas, mate.

I do things differently down there. Yeehaw! I'm going to shoot, man. Some paper. Hello at LukeandPete.com. Bust me a couple slugs. There was a Korean bloke who didn't speak much English, but he came over to the bloke who was showing us how to shoot a gun.

And he went, I shot clip. And he'd shot the clip that holds the paper up. Yeah. And the only advice holds the paper up yeah and the only advice from the man in the thing this guy had a high powered fucking rifle it was incredible

piece of machinery right and the bloke went and the bloke was advising us just said to the man don't shoot the clip and that was his only advice right

what happened when he shot it it went ping ping it ruined a perfectly good clip, quite frankly. But the bullet could have gone anywhere. Yeah, he said... When the bullet goes through the paper, where does it end up?

Well, at the end, it's kind of like... The actual sound dynamics is actually quite interesting if you shouted down it. Like, stop shooting! It kind of all goes into a point. It goes into like a triangle sort of thing. So any bullet that goes, it can never sort of, it's only ever going to ricochet down or up.

It's not going to ricochet back at you. I've got you. Right back at you. Hello at lookandpicture.com for the emails, as we always say. Ryan's got in touch. Hello, Ryan. I'm going to put this. Do you remember that a couple of weeks ago,

we were talking about people who wear polite notice high-vis vests? Yes. I'm going to put it to bed. Because who wear polite notice high-vis vests. Yes. I'm going to put it to bed, because Ryan is about to finish a discussion for us. Okay. He says, Hi, gents, just to weigh in on the high-vis vest discussion. After spending some time abroad in my early 20s,

I came back to the UK. Via the high-vis vest. As I was undecided on what to do next, I got a job at a local call centre to put a few pennies in the bank. We were the contact center for magazine subscriptions to a couple of hundred pretty well-known titles it wasn't the worst job in the world at the time i believe asbestos removal was still being carried out in all seriousness it was okay you go through the motions till the ship was finished now i've set the scene one day i got the

nod got the call up to step up from incoming calls and be part of the team whose special job it was to contact customers of a particular horse riding magazine who were to receive a special gift when subscribing for 12 months. That said gift, a high-vis jacket with the polite notice on it, was being discontinued. We had to contact these customers to say the vests were no longer being sent and the replacement gift of greater or the same value would be sent instead. This was due to it being confused with that of an actual police officer, the vest were no longer being sent and the replacement gift of greater or the same value would be sent instead. This was due to it being confused with that of an actual police officer, which to me was entirely the point.

He said a good 95% were furious at the news, which confirms they only wanted them to look like they were on police horses, the crafty bastards. That would be late 2012, early 2013. So I'd imagine any knocking around now are ones which have slipped through the net. Keep up the good work

Ryan that is the end of that no it's not why because Ryan I googled them

I searched on Amazon for these stupid tabards you can still find them yeah I bet Equisafety is the company who seems to be

selling them on Amazon I mean this is a subculture I never thought we'd be talking about or even existed is it a subculture well it's a subculture I never thought we'd be talking about or even existed. Is it a subculture? It's a subculture of twattery, yes. You'll decide.

And I've said before I'm trying to reduce the use of that word, the C word. You're failing, aren't you? You're failing your camp. Yeah, it's like it's terrible. But there's also ones in pink, which I quite like for the ladies. But that doesn't make you

look like a police officer. The whole idea that you would wear that is wearing a high-reflective jacket that makes you look like you're a policeman or a policewoman. But they've got pink ones,

which is just stupid. You don't have pink reflective tie-bards for policemen. I've never seen one of those in the wild. No. Ryan,

it may well be that the company you work for have stopped sending them, but clearly they are still available. You can buy anything on the wild. No. Ryan, it may well be that the company you work for have stopped sending them, but clearly they are still available. You can buy anything on the internet these days. Pete spends most of his time on the dark web buying Moroccan black heroin. Don't you, Pete?

Is Moroccan black heroin? Because Morocco's a bit of a tourist destination. I believe it's a form of heroin, yeah. No, I mean, I was just saying that it's quite a northern part of the world to be creating some hardcore heroin. Oh, I believe

most heroin comes from Afghanistan, doesn't it? Yeah. I don't know if Moroccan Black is just a nickname or something.

I don't know. I don't know if it actually comes from Morocco. I'm not a heroin expert. You don't look like it either. Ha ha! Another fat joke. He's not fat.

Lewis! Hi, guys. First time listening to a long-time emailer here. I'm emailing in regards to your request for tragic consequences Ha ha! Another fat joke. He's not fat. Lewis! Hi, guys. First-time listener, long-time emailer here. I'm emailing in regards to your request for tragic consequences of pulling a sickie. My story relates to an incident in the May of 2016. Chelsea were playing Spurs in a game that could seal the title for my team, Leicester.

Me and my friends watched the game in our hometown of Metal Morbry, a few miles outside of Leicester, as I am aware. Home of the pork pie? Correct. Delicious. It's where I used to work at a sandwich factory

which wasn't fun. As I'm sure you remember Spurs went two goals up and looked set to delay our title win. That was until Eden Hazard curled in an absolute beauty

late on which sent the whole of the town into a meltdown. I remember it well. Eric Dyer was on a mission to get sent off. The story gets more interesting when I reveal the fact

that the Leicester striker, Jimmy Vardy, lived not half a mile from the pub that we were celebrating in. In mind of my friend's wisdom, we decided it would be a good idea to buy an unholy amount of booze. He actually says a holy amount of booze from the local shop and make the short journey to Vardy's house. Unsurprisingly, most of the other residents of the town had the same idea.

I haven't mentioned yet the fact that at the time I worked in the local high school as a pastoral worker. So when I arrived at Jamie Vardy's house, I was shocked to see around 100 or so of the kids I work with on a daily basis. At this time, I didn't give it a second thought and carried on the party.

Looking back, this is a horrendous thing to do, but at the time I was 19 years of age and I'd just watched my boyhood club win the Premier League. So the night progressed and we ended up heading into the city to carry on the party around 12.30am, and on the way, I rang the school's office and left a message explaining I would not be in the next day as I had the flu.

This is not going to work well. No, it's not. Not on a day like that. I got home around 7am the next day and thought nothing of going to bed and sleeping for the day. That was around until 9.30 when I was awoken by a very angry headteacher demanding that I went into work for an emergency meeting. Safe to say they didn't believe my flu story and I was

dismissed on the spot. As I left the school, however, hundreds of prepubescent teenagers were singing my name and I have no regrets and would do it all over again. Thanks, guys. I appreciate the emails are very long, but I couldn't help but tell the tale. Yeah, it was never going to end well, that. No, it was obviously going to be, yeah.

I think when I was younger I was definitely a lot more blasé about jobs and stuff and I used to quit jobs all the time. I very much was. And I used to do things that would probably

get me sacked if I got caught as well. So I understand the methodology there. And besides, if you support a team like Leicester, I mean, how often

are they going to win the Premier League? Exactly. They're probably never going to do it again. They'll probably be called something else by the time they do it again. It'll probably be called something else by the

time they do it again. It ended up as a great story on the Luke and Pete show so all's well that ends well. Yeah baby. What about this from Josh on fears and

phobias. A couple of weeks ago we said how have you got over your fears and your phobias? What's been the methodology for getting over them? And Josh has been in touch saying I? What's been the methodology for getting over them?

And Josh has been in touch saying, I've been listening to the podcast for quite a while, but I never had a reason to email in. Now, however, with the topic of overcoming phobias, I have a story for you. Since I was young, I had a fear of mannequins. Right. I've seen this email,

and it's an interesting way to spell mannequins. Very much so. So Josh spells it M-A-N-A-K-I-N-S, which is sort of, I guess, the phonetic way of spelling it. So we'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Can you get on board with someone being, I mean, I understand a phobia is an irrational fear, but can you empathise with someone who's a phobic of mannequins?

Faceless, sexless, yeah. Yeah, they're not right, are they? Especially ones sometimes you see where they've got heads that they're like screaming. Sometimes they aren't. They're like coloured in faces. Their arms are missing. Sometimes their arms are missing or something.

Yeah, heads, when they have heads. H&M, I first saw in Osaka, Japan, the ones in H&M for a couple of years had kind of Lana Del Rey style eyelashes, like really low down on the face, almost at kind of cheek level. Yeah. That was a bit spooky.

Anyway, so Josh agrees with you. He says his fear came from a day in the shopping centre with his mum. He says, when some knobhead teenagers were messing about near a mannequin and they knocked the mannequin over and it hit me on the way down,

I totally freaked out, ran out of the shop and begged my mum to go home. For at least 10 years, I would never go clothes shopping and I would rely on my mum to go home. For at least 10 years, I would never go clothes shopping and I would rely on my mum to buy all my clothes for me. So when I met my girlfriend,

I was scared if I told her about my fear, she would be totally weirded out and not want anything to do with me. So, I put my fear to one side and we had a date at the same shopping centre

as the incident. I then realised how much worse mannequins had got when many shops now put makeup on them as you've described yeah I had to tell my girlfriend about my fear as I couldn't go into the shop she then treated my fear by kissing me and we had our first kiss and somehow this would go a little way of curing my fears I now associate mannequins with a feeling of having my first kiss

I hope this provides you with a good story for the show all the best Josh what a heartwarming tale uh it's a heartwarming I. It's a heartwarming. I think it's lovely. Let's make this a threesome, baby. Oh, imagine that. Grab that one. In the middle of the kiss, the mannequin fell on them again. And all of a sudden he was kissing like a cold, tough, hard mannequin's head.

Yeah. Sorry about that, Josh, if you're still listening. That's what I'm talking about, baby. I thought it was quite a nice tale. Yeah. I mean, I guess a lot of the spookiness could have been, if they're our age,

they might remember the film Mannequin with Kim... Police Academy, Sex and the City. Cattrall. Cattrall, thank you. She was the mannequin what came to life

and did stuff I can't remember. 1997. Yeah. Quick one about feigning illness. Just a quick one. Yeah, go for it. Crisp Andy. Oh, Crisp for it. Crisp Andy.

Oh, Crisp Andy's back in touch. He's the guy who's never eaten a crisp. He said he still hasn't eaten one. He says I still haven't eaten one. Come in. Eat a crisp. Come in and eat a crisp on the show. You're up, Crisp.

We don't even let people eat in the studio, but we'll make an exception for Crisp Andy. Gentlemen! Apart from those Kit Kats that time, and that space food. I don't like hearing people eat things on... I think you've got to see them when I'm on Talk Spot

producer he goes absolutely mad if there's any food in the studio oh really yeah he hates it why he just hates it's bad

it's really unprofessional has he had Talk Spot gentlemen hope you're well with reference to the chat about pulling a sick day it reminds me of a

story my old boss told me about her mate a few years ago, Scotland were playing in a qualifier in Glasgow. Said mate had attended the match and enjoyed a few beers. Safe to say, he didn't feel well the next day and called in sick. When he came back into work

the following day, his manager had asked if he went to the football or if being ill stopped him. He said he didn't go to the football. Oh, that's strange, said the boss. Then who's this? The boss whipped out the morning paper, which had a picture of the guy in his Scotland top spewing outside the ground. So he was ill.

I told you I was ill. Ted Lee! That's a good point, actually. He's not Ted Lee in the football. No. He's outside. I had no clean clothes, so I put my Scotland shirt on. I happened to be going for a bit of fresh air

because I felt ill. I was going to pick up some Tixie Licks. And sadly, I puked everywhere and it happened to be on the front of a newspaper. Get out of that easy. Apparently he kept his job but it did result in a strike.

I mean, I presume it's not a strike where you don't go into work. A strike as in on your personal record they give you a... Oh yeah. It must mean that.

I don't think you're going to be able to rabble rouse the assembled masses. All we want is a seize the means of production because someone got pissed

and went to the game and puked everyone and got caught. To me, that's not a balloting issue. So that cannot mean that kind of strike. Oh, wonderful.

Enjoy that crisp Andy. Cheers crisp Andy. Get a crisp down you. Get a crisp down you make you waste no waste sunshine. Maybe start off with a maze based snack.

Try a Pringle. Yeah. They're not technically crisps. They're called Luke. Reformed potato snack. Luke Gatekeeper Mooer. Stop that. Stop it. Listen, if there's oneingle yeah they're not technically crisps they're called Luke reformed potato snack Luke gatekeeper stop that

stop listening there's one thing I know it's fucking crisps alright let's get out of here Pete it's been an absolute pleasure mate if you guys have made

it to the end thank you very much for listening stay in school stay in school eat your crisps hello at Luke and Pete show.com to get in touch we'd love to

hear from you please also leave us a review on iTunes a positive one a nice one because I've got to spend a couple of hours a week in the studio with pete donson and it would be nice to get a bit of encouragement and a bit of uh what are you looking at me like that for i'm just frowning okay uh oh it's just your face uh uh yeah and all that kind of stuff so thank you very much uh we'll see you again next time we'll see you on monday for march march's first show can you you believe it? Libraries gave us power.

You love us. This was a Radio Stakhanov production.